Siobhan Taylor

Siobhan Taylor ✝ Twenty-Five ✝ Vampire. ✝ Humanity: On “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

[iheartprinzes]

[buffonia]

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[roxanne-cuevas]

  We need to find someone with that. 

Well, I suppose they meant it with the energy I usually have at work all the time then add in my organizational tendencies. But…who knows? [laughs] Siobhan? I think you’re the first one I meet with that name, so I’m sure I won’t forget it. Nice to meet you. 

I’ve had so much going on lately, I realized I haven’t exactly had anyone on one time with anyone which kind of sucks now that I think about it, because if I had, I probably wouldn’t feel as bad as I do right now. [shakes her head] But enough about me. You’ve lived here long?

[siobhan-taylor]

There's a point then since puppies are energetic. Organizational tendencies? Case of OCD? [Laughs a minute before stopping.] Oddly, that's not the first time I've that, I don't mind it. My sister has the more common name rather than me.

Don't worry about it. Some people just need that time to themselves. Me? I lived here before the hurricane then things happened and I left after the hurricane while the town was still rebuilding then I came back a couple months ago.

[siobhan-taylor]

Truth: What's your favorite place to be?

Lately? No where special but I love hanging out at Andy’s.

[spaceslayer]

From now on, we won’t just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I’ll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that’s us. Any questions?

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[thefightermalek-deactivated2014]

I didn’t last months, about a week tops. Then nearly two weeks the second time. My girlfriend got some bags for me so I’m getting there. I’m not sure she will, she went through some pretty horrible stuff but I’m sure her boyfriend will get it back on somehow. I hope.

It’s nice to meet you too, Siobhan. Nope, it was part of my torture.

[siobhan-taylor]

See? That's good though! Bags are better then draining people. Oh.. ouch. Bad enough to shut it off? Been there. It sucks. I hope he can. Emotionless isn't a way to cope with things. I found that out the hard way. Plus I also hope it doesn't have to get to a point it did with me to get it back on. I'd hate to see any vampire go through that just for their humanity back. I'm guessing someone close to you got it back? Usually that does the trick.

Torture? That... That's, I'm sorry is all I can say.

[winchestress]

[burning-evna-deactivated2016121]

[catghoul]

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[melissa-davenport]

  All knowledge hurts. If I get compelled, then I didn’t learn anything, and by not learning anything, how do I prepare myself for if it happens again? Not that you’d do it again, but if, God forbid, something happened to Andy and me, then I’d just go through the same emotional trauma again, and I wouldn’t wish that on myself or anyone. No matter how long you train someone to be brave, you never know if they are or not until something real happens.

[siobhan-taylor]

No! I-.. God no! Never again. I could never do that again. But you are Brave Melissa. When it came down to it, you would've killed me if you had to. Just having to kill someone to protect others around you even knowing the emotional effect on you is still brave. Just trust me when I say I will never hurt you again. I love Andy. I wouldn't want to hurt him again. He's the kindest person I know. If it wasn't for him, I'd still be humanity-less and probably killed by now. It'd hurt me too much if I hurt you both again.

I don't really like putting anyone in danger actually when my humanity is attached to me. Seth told me before he died about the switch and how it feels and how it doesn't feel then I told him I'd never switch mine off after he would've turned me but he didn't so at the time I guess I thought I wasn't breaking the promise but I promised to never shut it off no matter the circumstance. I didn't realize this until Andy was... you know. Truth of the matter is.. I love him. I still love him. He was the first man to ever come into my life and actually made me feel loved. He never cheated on me, he never did anything to hurt me. He protected me, sheltered me. He was everything to me and he's gone. I lost my family too along with him after I turned. I didn't ask to be what I am now without him. The only way I would've turned was with him and still getting up out of bed everyday is hard because I don't wake up to him. I always expect to see him sleeping beside me or up doing whatever. Then I just disappoint myself and... I cry. When I'm out for the whole day and come home, I've caught myself calling his name a couple times seeing if he made it home first then the hurtful realization kicks in. He's gone and never coming back. Now I'm just a baby vampire with no one showing me the ropes, having to learn everything by myself. I wanted this to be different. I remember after I woke up from transition, if I was compelled those memories would come back and he never compelled me. I asked him if he ever compelled me since I never wore vervain and he said he didn't and it was a semi happy moment for me. One of the two happy moments being a vampire. When I knew he never lied to me either. In a way, I'm grateful now, grateful he basically saved my life but I'm still incredibly upset I didn't get to spend my eternity with him. I guess by now I should realize that you never really stop missing someone, you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. You were right, I gave into my own unhappiness, I was weak and chose to take the easy way out. I'm still unhappy, I hate what I am, I hate what I can do, I'm scared. I'm scared of how my future will turn out, scared of my own family will find out what I've become and kill me themselves. 

All I can ask for now from you is a fresh start. To start over. If you don't want to be compelled, I wont do it. I wouldn't force it upon you. I definitely think you should wear vervain from vampires in general. It'd keep you safe... I can even help you with your Fae powers, If you want me to. I'm a vampire which is like a Fae's greatest enemy. That way you can catch our speed so you can defend yourself, it's the least I can do. I'm glad you don't hate me, you don't have to forgive me. I don't expect you to. I'm just really sorry Melissa.

[siobhan-taylor]

Your eyes are enchantingly charming.

Thank you. I’ve been told that before. It was one of the things he liked most about me. The compliment is greatly appreciated.

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[melissa-davenport]

  I want to be the kind of person who can do that. Move on and forgive people and be healthy and happy. It seems like an easy thing to do in my head, but it’s not so easy when you try it in real life. So… I know that I want to forget, but the fact I won’t remember means that I won’t have a clue of all the things we’ve been through. I think sometimes it’s good to remember bad things no matter how much they hurt us, but…. I’m not going to make that decision for someone else.

[siobhan-taylor]

I know but I don't understand why you'd still want it. I don't. If I could, I would compel myself. What you did to me when my switch was off, don't you dare feel bad for it. I am so sorry Melissa. More than words will ever come out of my mouth.

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[thefightermalek-deactivated2014]

  I have a friend called Sarah who’s dating a fae so she has pretty good control, but the last time we talked we both didn’t have any humanity.

I’m Malek, nice to meet you Siobhan. Maybe after a few years I might but right now it hasn’t left my thoughts once.  

[siobhan-taylor]

Ah, the humanity-less spiel. Can't say I haven't been there before. I went for months with mine off. I don't have good control in my opinion but I've been trying to get on bags but going from straight vein to bags is difficult. Maybe Sarah can maybe give you control once she flips it back on.

It's really great meeting a somewhat new vampire so it's nice to meet you Malek. I'm assuming by that, you didn't chose to be what you are?

[andy--burns-blog]

Happy New Years, Mayfield!

[andy--burns-blog]

  Yeah I…I had to stay with my parents for a while…

[siobhan-taylor]

Well then... Welcome back?

[andy--burns-blog]

Happy New Years, Mayfield!

Sorry I disappeared for a while.

And…sorry I missed Christmas.

[siobhan-taylor]

You're back. 

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[melissa-davenport]

  I know, but… I already hear peoples thoughts and the memories I have are bad enough. I feel like there’s a war in my mind. But I’m not the one who can make that decision. Andy has to. I’m not going to decide for him. I think… I think he’s happier with you in his life… I know you’ve done bad things, but… but he was miserable when you were “dead.” He told me… he visited your grave every day and talked to you…. hoping you’d listen. He’s a good person, and he doesn’t deserve the things that happen to him, but I know he’d want to keep you in his memory.

[siobhan-taylor]

Then you might not want to listen to my thoughts Melissa. I may seem like a quiet person but if you eavesdrop on my thoughts, you'll find it's so loud, it might be deafening for you. Did he..? He visited... my grave everyday? I know but what I compelled him into, no one wants that memory. I can just take it away. I can take away what I did to you to if you want me to but yet, I don't want to do that because you're a reminder why I shouldn't do it again. Just look what I did to you. I left you probably scared of me and wary of vampires for that, I can never be sorry enough.

[siobhan-taylor]

A new year.

[thefightermalek-deactivated2014]

  I know, just trying to figure stuff out on my own which is kinda confusing.

Wish I could lose count.

[siobhan-taylor]

Find yourself a more experienced one who has a lot of self control. I don't have one but I'm managing on my own.

Maybe time will pass where you eventually do. I'm Siobhan by the way. Oh and if you don't spend your time thinking about it, you'll slowly lose count.