Sir Walter Elliot

Frights and scarecrows DNI

[sir-walter-elliot]

There has been some misinformation circulating about the reasons why I, Sir Walter of Kellynch, the exceedingly handsome baronet, am still single, so my daughter Elizabeth suggested I make a meme to explain the truth:

[thelonelynightwatcher]

"Be it known then, that Sir Walter, like a good father, (having met with one or two private disappointments in very unreasonable applications), prided himself on remaining single for his dear daughters’ sake."

Persuasion, Jane Austen.

[sir-walter-elliot]

It is true that I am a good father, but the bit about the private disappointments is quite false. I do not know who this Jane Austen was who said this, but she has been given erroneous information. I will allow her the benefit of the doubt that it was an innocent mistake, not maliciously done, since she is quite correct about my care for my dear daughters. I am indeed a very conscientious father to all of my daughters equally. (Which is quite commendable, since only one of them is truly handsome.)

[sir-walter-elliot]

There has been some misinformation circulating about the reasons why I, Sir Walter of Kellynch, the exceedingly handsome baronet, am still single, so my daughter Elizabeth suggested I make a meme to explain the truth:

[kindofspark]

Me trying to explain life is unfair: Sometimes there are no right choices. It's as if you gave to Sir Walter Elliot the chance to become a vampire. On one hand, eternal hotness. On the other hand, he could never see his bewitching countenance in a mirror ever again. You can't win.

Also me: If someone could achieve undead sparkliness, it would be Sir Walter Elliot, not Edward fucking Cullen.

[sir-walter-elliot]

Oh dear. That would indeed be a difficult choice to make!

After giving it some consideration, however, I think I must elect to not become a vampire. After all, I will be eternally handsome regardless. I am simply naturally so, and I can afford an endless supply of Gowland's.

[dcssculpture]

Day 12: Looking Glass

"I have done very little besides sending away some of the large looking-glasses from my dressing-room, which was your father’s. A very good man, and very much the gentleman I am sure: but I should think, Miss Elliot,” (looking with serious reflection), “I should think he must be rather a dressy man for his time of life. Such a number of looking-glasses! oh Lord! there was no getting away from one’s self.”

- Persuasion, volume 2, chapter 1

@janeuary-month

[sir-walter-elliot]

He has moved my looking glasses?

[sir-walter-elliot]

As I understand it, today is a celebration of looking glasses during something called "Janeuary"? It seems a misspelling of January, but I have been informed it is not, that this so-called "Janeuary" is another thing entirely. Something to do with fans? Though what one would want with a fan in the bitterest month of winter, I do not know.

Well, regardless, today is about celebrating looking glasses, and I must express my appreciation for my fine collection of them. They are exquisite, every one of them, I assure you.

Perhaps, too, I should purchase a new looking glass in honor of this day. Yes! An excellent idea! Someone fetch Mr. Shepard. Despite what he says about needing to retrench, I am sure some funds can be spared for something as important as a new looking glass.

[janeaustengeeks]

[sir-walter-elliot]

Might there be some small mistake, madam? Might you have left one man off your list of ideal men?

[pacific-rimbaud]

How Anne Elliot Got Her Bloom Back

[sir-walter-elliot]

I remain certain it was Gowland, the constant use of Gowland, though she denies it.

[melodypowers65]

The number of mirrors in this hotel bathroom is giving me Sir Walter Elliot vibes.

I could see *five* of myself from the shower.

[sir-walter-elliot]

It sounds like a capital establishment! I usually have to bring my own mirrors when I travel because inns never have a sufficient number.

[aspiringbabushka]

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS

I do not need to retrench

I cannot have enough looking‐glasses

I can always go and re-read the baronetage if I am upset

I am the handsomest person in England

[taciturn-nerd]

@sir-walter-elliot you are an inspiration to us all

[sir-walter-elliot]

Thank you, dear.

A few additional affirmations:

Nothing can ever take away my noble heritage.

I am unmarried because I choose to be so for my daughters' sake.

Gowland is always there for me.

[scp-threats-is-back]

Gimmick Blogs raise your hands

[sir-walter-elliot]

My grandchildren have informed me that I qualify for this honor, but the vulgar slang from the American colonies makes me doubtful that they are correct.

[sir-walter-elliot]

What would your recommend for a girl who has been described as "Dowdy"? I am not myself dowdy, I have seen your DNI. I am simply asking for the information of others.

It is very good of you to inquire on behalf of those who are dowdy. None of us should be subjected to the sight of such awkward ladies. It would do us all good if they would give more care to their appearance.

This dowdy girl that you speak of should acquire a new wardrobe at once, no matter the cost. I would not advise a new hat and pelisse, however, for those might tempt her to go out in sharp winds, and grow coarse. Much better that she should stay indoors and apply Gowland, the constant use of Gowland, until her appearance approves. Then she might go out in society again without fear of offending those around her with her inelegant appearance.

[jarfullofbubbles]

Rip Sir Walter Elliot, you would have loved the skincare botox filler red-light micro-needling blood transfusion water fast green juice de-aging scene

[sir-walter-elliot]

I doubt anything is as efficacious as my own skin care regimen—the proof is in how flawless my complexion has always been and still remains—but I will never refuse the opportunity to learn of new remedies. Your mention of "de-aging" is particularly intriguing to me. Not that I require such a treatment, of course, but so many do. (The rapid increase of the crow’s foot about my friend Lady Russell's temples has long been a distress to me.)

[jarfullofbubbles]

The worst of Bath was the number of its plain women. He did not mean to say that there were no pretty women, but the number of the plain was out of all proportion. He had frequently observed, as he walked, that one handsome face would be followed by thirty, or five-and-thirty frights; and once, as he had stood in a shop on Bond Street, he had counted eighty-seven women go by, one after another, without there being a tolerable face among them. It had been a frosty morning, to be sure, a sharp frost, which hardly one woman in a thousand could stand the test of. But still, there certainly were a dreadful multitude of ugly women in Bath; and as for the men! they were infinitely worse. Such scarecrows as the streets were full of! It was evident how little the women were used to the sight of anything tolerable, by the effect which a man of decent appearance produced.

Sir Elliot on the streets of Bath hallucinating instagram face in 1817 was not on my dance card for this book.

[sir-walter-elliot]

All true! The sights one must endure in Bath—horrid!

[sir-walter-elliot]

Sir Walter, I must know: what are your exact standards for the perfect, most ideal mirror? I ask only for my own purposes, as I would like to purchase one but do not know which looking glass should be deemed the finest. I trust that your esteemed judgment will aid in making such a decision!

Ah what an excellent question! The query about my favourite looking glass should give you some idea of what I find most pleasing in a specimen, so I will only add that the silver and glass must both be of the highest quality to ensure the most smooth, crisp, unblemished reflection. There is nothing worse than a fine face made to look frightful due to a blemished mirror. The only times in my life when my face has appeared to disadvantage have been due to poor glass.

I noticed you said you plan to purchase only one looking glass—I must assume this is because you already own several? I cannot imagine you would only be satisfied with one looking glass in your possession!

[bethanydelleman]

Happy Birthday to Sir Walter Elliot! 265 years old and still a very fine man

Walter Elliot, born March 1, 1760

[sir-walter-elliot]

I thank you for the birthday wishes, but you've made an error in my age. It is only 55. But yes, I have heard very many people say how fine I look. My looking glasses tell me the same thing.

(A word of advice: if you're not naturally blessed with good looks like myself, then I recommend Gowlands, the constant use of Gowlands.)

[persuasionperfection]

“Few women could think more of their personal appearance than he did”

C.E. Brock watercolor illustration

Jane Austen, Persuasion

[fuckyeahregencycameltoe]

WORK THAT CAMEL TOE, SIR WALTER

[sir-walter-elliot]

I do not work. I am a baronet.