Ambition
Self-indulgent splurge.
There's no point pretending that writing this is anything other than self-indulgence. Why should anyone beyond my friends and family care that I, like just like them, have thoughts that I want to express? I'd be foolish to think that one post on tumblr, written with conviction and honesty, is all it would take to suddenly become interesting. Perhaps after a hundred, or maybe two-hundred such posts people might start to take notice. Even if they did, thought, that wouldn't change the fact that posting online for all to see is, fundamentally, attention seeking.
Which is why this doesn't come naturally to me.
For someone who aspires to being famous (although I haven't yet decided what for), I'm not someone who craves the limelight. I perform on stage because I enjoy it and I'd love to make a career of it. Surely that's because I want the attention! Or is it because there are roles I can't really play as an amateur, like Hamlet or The Doctor, and because I can't see myself enjoying a career in anything else quite as much? The truth is I don't know the answer to that. As any of my friends would tell you if they had the chance, I'm quite adept at making any conversation about me. I don't even do it deliberately (although you'll just have to take my word for it)! I wouldn't be surprised if one has to be somewhat narcissistic to enjoy performing but I don't feel like I am.
Says the guy who's writing a tumblr post to no-one...
I have dreams. I have hopes. I have unrealistic targets for myself. But when did anyone achieve their dreams by not trying?
I want to learn to ride horses with Mongol heardsmen. I want to play The Doctor on TV. I want to write a play and have it performed. I want to have a novel published. I want a Christmas #1. I want to set foot on every country on Earth. I want to be able to fly a wingsuit. I want to live every hour of one calendar day on Earth at least once (from when the day starts on one side of the International Date Line to when it ends on the other side). I want to experience weightlessness. I want to ride on the Japanese Shinkansen (bullet train). I want to fly in a supersonic aeroplane. I want to own a Nissan Figaro and a McLaren MP4-12C Spider. I want to live to be healthy and active at 109 years old because I want to see the year 2100 tick over just as I saw the year 2000 tick over and tell everyone just what life had been like at the turn of the Millennium.
All selfish, self-serving, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-aggrandising ambitions. Yes, I also want to help others, make a positive difference in people's lives and so on but this isn't the Miss World competition!
I want experiences. I want variety. I want life.
And I'm utterly terrified by the prospect!
Just the thought of taking the first step towards any of those goals listed above fills me with apprehension and self-doubt. I know the fun and the value is in the trying far more than in the success but I don't want to look back over my life in 87 years' time and see nothing but not-quites and almosts...
Yes, there are far more valuable things in life to aspire towards and much simpler things that will make my life a happy one. To look back on a life filled with love shared is possibly the greatest achievement of all but no less difficult to accomplish than any of my outlandish ideas. Not least because selfish dreams can get in the way.
Why should anyone care about all this? Most people on tumblr probably have similar feelings and quite possibly similar dreams - that either means they'll like this because it rings true or they'll ignore it as nothing special.
Frankly, I don't care. One impassioned blog post does not, and cannot, an esteemed writer make. I'm writing this now for two reasons:
1. As an affirmation of intent to myself.
2. As an affirmation of intent to the world.
Within all of us is the spark of potential. I intend to use my spark to set the world ablaze!
Just as soon as I can stop dribbling self-indulgent clichés onto the web...














