made do with gray

but i didn't stay. jackie x 19 x poetry blog

[lunarfeathers]

My two beautiful sons forgor and rember

[sirimirial]

exercise in numerology

11:11 ticks by and settles in, pauses for its 60 seconds of fame and of course, i think of you, cliche and all

i don't necessarily know why but it feels natural to hand my wishes over to you, to hope tides turn in your favor, wash a bit of peace up on the shore

so, i continue to do so, i tuck my lucky numbers into your pockets tie my faux rabbit's foot to your keys press collages of four leaf clovers

i'd even pass you the lotion i wore for every calc test because it made me feel brave because there's not a lot i can do from here

but keep you on my mind

[sirimirial]

acidic

i bitten finger-nail scrabble against the back of my own throat claw my way down, swallowed scream raw from this practiced ache

knowing i'd be too loud before i ever spoke, knowing my fear takes up too much space, has come to expect its own seat at the table

i dissolve my anxiety on my tongue, take it with a flat ginger ale stuff my insecurity into my back pocket, hoping no one notices how much it eats me

i look too much like our apricot tree, when the beetle problem is poorly managed a bare bones sort of structure at this rate

i hope one day there might not be anything to notice

[sirimirial]

tenderhearted

i let softness sit in my chest cotton candy woven between ribs sweet and light and a bit sticky to the touch, hard to untangle oneself from

i let softness take a seat at the table fold its hands in its lap smile, nod, and listen with joy such polite company, the kind you hope stays late

i let softness make its home here to the best of my ability welcome it openly and appreciate its presence try and return its kindness

[sirimirial]

documentarian

some moments are their own poems paint their own portraits are art without trying

the thought that i should hold on to this, to sink my nails into the memory digs its way into my gray matter curls through like smoke

until im so consumed with remembering that i no longer exist here, i am not living this im watching myself as a historian

with recollection, the thought thuds, rings dull and hollow, unwilling to be confined to mind’s microscope slide

[sirimirial]

heliotropic

a room filled up with sun, like a tall clear cup, sloshing with bright dappled over the windowsill, where a litany of plants lay

stretching warm fingers across the carpet wrapping around wrists and ankles intertwined amidst my fingers, like a parent leading a little one through a crosswalk

something reassuring and kind, a reminder that things which loom bigger than us do not mind our presence

a star nearly a 100 million miles away burns, radiates into the empty black, and we hear her laughter here

[sirimirial]

reconsideration (2/18/2019)

i have no interest in hollow affection disdain, a wolf under the sheep’s clothing of pity do not keep me around if i am not wanted

at least my own company is earnest i tolerate myself and am upfront when i wish i did not have to which is not uncommon,  however

i would rather be alone, than an afterthought.

[sirimirial]

liability (2/12/2019)

guilt has something sweet to it.

sickly like cough medicine, stuck to the tongue, slithering down your throat

a familiar squirm discomfort for the sake of soothe a step in the process

obligatory sadness and fake bubblegum become one and the same

your throat is still scratchy in the morning

[sirimirial]

punica

there is something visceral about pomegranates

red stained fingertips, tart on the tongue, transparent and gleaming

there’s something more visceral still about standing curled like a question mark over the kitchen sink,

gently picking at membranes meticulously gathering arils ruby dark, staring back

a shadow of lady macbeth a nod to persephone acts of rebellion, time honored

there is something traditional about pomegranates

[sirimirial]

frayed edges

i have a thimble tongue, clumsy, but safe locked away better off stilled

i have a pincushion heart used to dealing with sharp expecting it, really

something patchwork, reluctantly functional

[sirimirial]

11/30/2018: acatalepsy

sit back, pause and take stock everything around you seems so big already and there is more around that, and that

so on and so forth, reminding you that you are so small compared to much else

embrace what you are, just some recycled carbon a speck of dust in some star’s orbit

the universe isn’t watching and it doesn’t expect you to know it

[sirimirial]

11/29/2018: oneiric

heavy eyelids, fluttering in their deep sleep gone to the world

hidden away from reality’s barbs surreal and saturated in color, content to stay somewhere intangible

as long as it means some peace

[sirimirial]

11/28/2018: funambulist

a living balancing act, another girl, lovely, in danger her rope waving hello under its weight

dipping down, a kiss blown to the crowd with its eyes locked on her, unblinking captivated by her bravery,

and intoxicated by the unthinkable

[sirimirial]

11/27/2018: camisado

sharp things stay tucked away in dark corners, shadowed edges where they can forget their prick, drip blood

or hope no one ever notices what they were capable of

knives curled up like smiles, blades tucked up pink sleeves

[sirimirial]

11/26/2018: hiraeth

i exist as a half thing lost the spot where i fit circle peg, square hole

unsure if i ever fit or if i thought i could dream one up

[sirimirial]

11/25/2018: sun-grazing

come close to grace, bask in its light for a moment shining in your own right

enjoy your audience with glory your 15 minutes to be remembered for your moment worth remembering

then zip past, back into the black-cold trying to recall what warmth felt like

[sirimirial]

11/24/2018: lygodesma

stand tall, moon girl not brittle or stiff, but defiant in your flexible

spine curved like a bow vertebrae arrow notch breath string taut

empty your quiver make them remember you, crescent sharp smile

give them something to tell stories about