Saga of the Aesthetic Book Stack, Week 2, Parts 1 and 2 Continued
I am still working my way through “A Pirate Looks at Fifty” and “Where is Joe Merchant?”. My thoughts (and some spoilers) below.
We’ll start with “Where is Joe Merchant?”
Last week, I left off just as Frank Bama agreed to fly his ex (her name is Trevor) in search of her possibly alive brother, Joe Merchant. He remains Shrödinger’s brother, as I do not know whether he’s alive or not, yet.
The book is broken down into sections, and sometimes there’s a bit of story from the perspective of characters other than Frank, but it’s usually brief.
Quick sidebar to note that Frank’s POV is the only one narrated in first person using “I” and “me”.
Trevor received a letter from a woman named Desdemona where she appeared to have had a vision with enough coincidental details that Trevor feels she must go find her.
Unlike the other limited POV switches, we get an entire chunk of book that is entirely Desdemona’s backstory. It’s kind of an odd storytelling decision, if you ask me, and it kind of feels like a smaller story shoved into the middle of the larger story. I found it a little disorienting, but maybe that was the point? Perhaps her past will have more relevance later. It remains to be seen.
Desdemona’s character is mention in “Pirate”, and Jimmy apparently wrote a song about her. Before or after “Joe Merchant” I couldn’t say, but maybe I’ll look it up later.
At any rate, new characters keep popping out of the woodwork with past ties to Joe Merchant in various ways, and there’s all kinds of things going on: treasure hunting, murder, plots of vengeance against the world... I’m about halfway through this book now, and it looks like some of the threads are beginning to weave together.
A lot of page real estate remains, so either they won’t resolve too quickly, or there’s more inserted stories remaining. (I would not be surprised.)
Back in “A Pirate Looks at Fifty”, I did indeed get some descriptions of the actual trip. Huzzah! Costa Rica sounds lovely, but I don’t think I would ever go myself because I don’t do all that well in very hot, humid weather. Seems to be a great destination, though, for anyone who might be international travel inclined.
Jimmy spends some time with his younger children, and it’s clear how much he cares about them and wants them to have enriching life experiences.
Jimmy gets sidetracked pretty quickly into stories of the past again. I was a bit amused by how, a ways into the stories, Jimmy remarks that he should get back to talking about Costa Rica, then proceeds not to do that for about thirty more pages.
Well, it’s certainly been a long time since I’ve blogged on this account...
For Christmas last year, my mother purchased an aesthetic book stack in blue-green for me. I plan to read that foot of books with similarly colored bindings. I’m going to babble about it too.
Definitely spoilers ahead.
These will probably get quite long, so...
I have a bad habit of reading more than one book at a time and flipping back and forth between them in little chunks. It’s partly a focus issue and partly because digesting things a snippet at a time works well for me.
I’m already partway through the first two books, but my goal going forward is to write a little a bit about my impressions once a week as I go.
Once I have finished any of the books, I will give an overall assessment of whether I would recommend them, and to whom.
The first two books are “A Pirate Looks at Fifty” and “Where is Joe Merchant?” both by Jimmy Buffet. These two books actually work very well in conjunction with each other, even though one is a novel and the other is not. Thanks to Jimmy’s publishers for liking blue-green binding, I guess?
“Pirate” was written after “Joe Merchant”, but Jimmy references the novel multiple times in the non-fiction piece. For a work of fiction, there’s a lot of autobiographical Jimmy Buffet tidbits and Easter eggs in it that I probably wouldn’t notice if I weren’t reading both books together.
For grins, we’ll start with the first chronologically.
“Where is Joe Merchant?” is about a sea plane charter pilot named Frank Bama who is a bit down on his luck in the business department. To keep his plane from being repossessed by the bank, he plans to run away to Alaska, but circumstances keep making that unlikely.
I have spent very little time in either Florida or the Caribbean, the main locations in the story thus far. I am also not very into either aviation or fishing, the main loves of the main character.
Frank’s a bit of a disaster, which I guess is more interesting to read that someone who has their act together, but most of the time I’m shaking my head going, “Why, though?” Ah well. I’m just boring like that.
Mr. Buffet likes to info dump a lot of airplane facts and figures, which would absolutely be more interesting to me if I cared. There’s a whole a paragraph of a character straight up listing plane parts and parameters in dialogue. Granted, the character is trying to weasel his way into the marginally better graces of the main character by showing how much he knows about his plane, and it’s not supposed to work, but it’s a bit of a slog for a non plane person.
Who is Joe Merchant? A rock star who disappeared off the back of a cruise ship and is presumed dead. His younger? I think? sister sort of dated Frank Bama for a while, though apparently nothing was official. She pops up again because she thinks her brother might still be alive and wants Frank to help her go looking for him. She’s even willing to fund the Alaska escape plan in exchange.
Given that there’s a little heart with wings all over the book, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess their romance will rekindle. We’ll see, I guess.
On to “A Pirate Looks at Fifty”. This one is basically a stream of consciousness journal of sorts that is kind of about a trip Jimmy Buffet took for his 50th birthday but also kind of...not. It’s a solid 1/4 of the way into the book before they even leave on the trip.
Anyone want to guess three things Jimmy Buffet really likes? Planes, fishing, and the Caribbean. If you are curious about the inner workings of the mind of Jimmy Buffet and want to hear about his thoughts and recollections of a wide variety of topics, you’ll definitely enjoy this. It will also help if you are very comfortable with a non-linear narrative.
This is a good book for taking in small chunks, though, because that’s how it’s written. I am hopeful there will be a bit more about the traveling as it continues. Anecdotes are fun and all, Jimmy, but you can’t call it a trip journal without actually writing about the trip.
So, I know the title says Day 6, and it is for the workout (not that anyone is reading this), but I wasn’t feeling well the last couple of days and didn’t work out, so I have a one week in weight update for me: still about 161. I have not tried to put on the pants again, as yet. (I miss them, though...)
Let’s warm up with a few stretches and continue with the Forest Temple.
Use Ooccoo Jr. to return to the exact spot we left.
Our monkey swing has gone away, so we will have to go the other direction. To the right of the door as you exit is a bridge with a propeller on a post in the center. If you target it with the Gale Boomerang, it will turn the bridge. There are two bridges in line, but they are currently perpendicular to one another. Wait for the first bridge to shift favorably, then use your boomerang on the other and cross.
There is a caged monkey being guarded by a bokoblin. After taking out the bokoblin, use the boomerang to target the middle of the web holding the cage, and it will fall, freeing the monkey.
There are another two bridges you will need to align before you will pass through a door into the room that had the two deku likes. Unfortunately, since we left the temple, they are back. Jump down off the door ledge and turn right. Use the bombling to destroy the deku like straight ahead, jump the gap, and go through the door right in front of you.
Remember those pesky monsters hiding under the tiles? Well now, if you target them with the boomerang, you can flip them over and attack them. Cross the bridge, keeping left once across, and put out the lit torch with your boomerang. (This may happen anyway, since you might want to continue killing the tile worms.) The highest stair section will drop, allowing you to get to the chest behind it, which holds a piece of heart.
If you turn around after opening the chest, to your left is a piece of wall with climbable vines. Climb up and over to the ledge (ten mountain climbers), where you will find a small chest with some rupees.
If you really want, you can use the boomerang to drag jars off of high ledges, but we mostly wanted the chests, so you can leave, head down to the main floor of the next room, watching out for the baba serpents, and leave through the door there.
Now, you’re back in the room with the dangling chest. The skulltula is back, too. Kill it (one air squat for a finishing blow), and use your boomerang to get the chest, just like how you freed that last monkey. It contains the compass, which shows when we have missed chests. We won’t need to backtrack for any. Also do two lunges for monkey swinging.
Go through the door across from the one you entered through. Go to the right and down the tunnel. We could use the bridges, but so we can get in ten more mountain climbers, shoot the walltula on the right and climb up to the ledge and follow the ledges along the wall to a closed gate with a fancy chest behind it.
See the “Z” on the floor? Target the propellers in the order necessary to make that same Z shape with the boomerang, and the gate will open. This chest holds the big key we need to open the door to the boss fight.
Now, jump in the water (It’s okay, you can swim.), hang a right, and swim under the bridge to an alcove with another chest. In the HD version, it has a Hylian letter “A” stamp. I really don’t remember what it is in the other games. Swim straight out of the alcove, and you can climb a short vine wall (four mountain climbers) to get out of the water again.
Head up the stairs ahead and to your right and go through the door. Drop down to the floor instead of using the monkeys to cross the gap and find a chest with ten rupees under the posts for the bridge. Do two lunges for the monkeys helping you back out.
Just after reentering the room with the water, use the boomerang to knock down the skulltula and kill (there may or may not be an air squat) it before it can literally get the drop on you. Cross the bridge and got through the door to your right.
Cross the bridge and go through the door straight ahead. This was a dead end before, but now we have the boomerang and can change the bridge direction. Follow the monkey straight across and through the door to a room where all the other monkeys are hanging out on ledges. Three are empty because you have three more monkeys to save. Backtrack to the previous room. Adjust the bridge twice so you can go through the door to the left on the map.
You’ll have to fight a bokoblin first. Inside the room, if you look up, there are two skulltulas on the ceiling. Deal with them first (two air squats). We can hear the monkey, but not see it. Jump down the hole not covered by a web. Be careful because there’s another skulltula (one air squat) right there at the bottom. Also, a deku like. There’s an elevated spot we cannot reach with the caged monkey. If you look at the ceiling, if we drop through the hole to the right after we climb up, we can land on the ledge. Instead of a million more mountain climbers for the long climb back up, do five pushups. Go stand on the web to the right and pull out your lantern. It will burn the web and you will fall through right next to the cage. Free the monkey with a spin attack and jump over to the vines to climb back out (two more pushups) to save a little time.
The door to the room across from this one is locked, so we’ll need to head back to the monkey ledge room until we can find a key. To the left are some bridges of which you can adjust the direction. Use them to reach a ledge to the left where you will need to fight a bokoblin and do a two-stage climb (just do ten mountain climbers for the whole thing) to reach the top. Don’t forget to take out those pesky walltulas first! There’s another bokoblin guarding the door.
Once through, there are two baba serpents. There’s also a chest to the left, but we can’t get to it because of a deku like in the way. Opposite you is a bombling on a stump. Use your boomerang to fetch it and destroy the deku like to open the chest and find a key.
Now, cross the bridge. There’s a boulder in the way. Target the bombling again, then target the rock, and your boomerang will do the work for you. Climb up (two more mountain climbers) and fight the bokoblin and optionally the two baba serpents on the ceiling. (You can use your boomerang to knock them down.) The monkey is trapped behind another rock, but the trick you used for the first one won’t work this time. (Darn!) Stand at the edge of the ledge and use your boomerang to pull the bombling to you, then set it by the boulder.
Voila! Another monkey freed and a key obtained. Head back out and down and go back to the locked door. Once through it, there are more tile worms, and if you slip behind the posts, a small tunnel to the left. There’s a skulltula at the end (one air squat) and a vine ledge with two walltulas (four more mountain climbers for an even forty). At the top is a gate with a monkey behind it. Target both propellers to open it. Then, carefully walk around the ledge and take out the baba serpent in the doorway. Go right and jump across to a chest with a stamp for the Hylian letter “N”.
That was all the chests and all the monkeys, so head back to the monkey ledge room.
The monkeys will form a chain and a giant swing. The timing for this is a little tricky. Jump when the monkey at the bottom is almost as close as he’ll get to you and let go at the last moment on the other side (two lunges).
Up next is the boss fight. If you don’t think you can keep moving throughout, you can stop for the really tricky parts, but try to keep moving a little. Let’s take a quick water break and save first, however.
If you have an empty bottle, use it to catch the fairy in one of the jars to the left of the big door. You might need it. Go through the big door, if you’re ready.
Inside is a pool full of poisonous looking, purple water. Two large baba heads appear from it. Keep back out of reach and use your boomerang to launch bomblings at the baba heads of Diababa. Once each has eaten one, the water will froth and the real, ugly head of the beast will appear, destroying the logs with the bomblings.
If you venture forward, Ook will appear with a bombling in hand. He’ll swing back and forth in front of you. Target the bombling and then Diababa’s middle head. The blast will stun it, it will fall forward, and you can L-target the eye and go to town on it. When Diababa recovers, it will blast poison, so stay back and dodge. Repeat until the monster is destroyed.
The eye will fall out, turning into a heart container. Diababa explodes, and the pieces reform into a metal piece that Midna tells you is a “fused shadow” and for what she has been searching. There are three, and the other two must be with the other two light spirits. Grab the heart container, exit with Midna, and save.
Back at the spring, the light spirit tells you to find the next area of twilight, once guarded by the light spirit Eldin. It also warns you that you will become a wolf again once you reenter the twilight.
Save because we’re done for the day. My totals: about thirty minutes of light jogging, four jumping jacks, forty mountain climbers, six lunges, five air squats, and seven modified pushups.
The path to the temple entrance is blocked by a golden wolf who will leap at you as you approach. It becomes the spirit of a great warrior of the past (five sit-ups for the lesson) who will teach us new skills--this time the finishing blow. Do a penalty jumping jack if you mess up in the lesson.
Proceed to the temple entrance, slay the bokoblin guards, and use your lantern to burn the web blocking the path and enter.
Watch out for keese in the entrance tunnel and remember jumping jacks for taking damage.
We can see our monkey friend is imprisoned further in the room, but just to our right is a small treasure chest with ten rupees on a ledge. You’ll have to kill the walltulas first, and do ten mountain climbers for the vine climbing.
You can roll into the totems with vases on top to collect two blue rupees.
Slay the enemies and free the monkey with a spin attack. She then wants you to follow her. Shoot the walltulas (L-targeting makes it easy) and climb (four mountain climbers) the short way to the door.
In the next room, go down the stairs, but before going up the other ones, go around behind. There is a bombling to the right, which you can use to blow up the cracked rock to find a chest with a red rupee. Do a penalty jumping jack if you accidentally blew up yourself.
Up the stairs is a large skulltula. I find it easiest to stab it in the face a few times and then use the finishing blow (one air squat).
There is a chest dangling above this platform, but that will have to wait. Light the four torches, which will raise a platform to the next door. Open the chest to the right to obtain a dungeon map.
After you go through the door, Ook, the boss monkey, will appear and destroy the bridge in front of you with a spiffy boomerang. Now you have to go back to the previous room.
The monkey beckons you to one side and swings you across the gap. Do one pushup for the swing and a penalty jumping jack if you fall and have to try again. Go through the door.
To the left is another bombling. Hit it to explode the rocks behind it and break the jar with a face peeking out of it to find Ooccoo. She’ll be very helpful later.
Head back the other way to a main room with a bridge to the left and a door. Go through the door, wait for the bridge to turn so you can cross, go through the next door, and open a chest to the left to find a key. Go back through the room with the moving bridge and back into the room with the monkey.
There is a skulltula blocking the way. Shoot it down with your slingshot, and it will run at you and fall into the water. Good riddance! Jump across and use your key to open the locked door.
In the next room, there is a caged monkey atop a totem pillar. Head over the bridge to your left, which will collapse behind you, and down to the floor. Roll into the pillar three times to knock off the cage, which will break when it hits the ground. Two bokoblins hear the noise, but they’re easy enough to take down. On the way back out, you will have to do a two monkey chain jump. Do two pushups for the swinging and penalty jumping jacks for falling. Go back to the room with the chest above the platform.
Use the two monkeys (two pushups) to go straight across to another door, burning the web in front of it.
In the next room there are two baba serpents. Be careful! If you cut their stems, they can still crawl after you. It’s best to stab them right after severing the stem.
To the right is a deku like in front of a small cave but ignore it and head for the stairs. There is a bombling at the top, go straight past it, turn, and see that there is path to the right of the stairs with a gap where there is another deku like. Hit the bobmbling, pick it up, and use L-target to throw it into the deku like, which will explode. It may take a few tries...
There is a boulder on a ledge across the gap. Go back and hit the bombling again. carry it across the gap and throw it on the ledge to break the rock, revealing a door. Go through it.
There is a monkey behind a locked door waaaay across the large room, so go down the stairs to the left, and knock the chest off the pillar to find a key. If you look closely, there are monsters under some of the floor tiles. Do not step on them! We’ll get revenge later. Cross the bridge and light the two torches that are unlit. This will raise the remaining portion of the stairs up to the monkey. Fight the skulltula (one air squat) and rescue the monkey. Leave the room. Carefully.
Turn right just through the door to find a vine-covered wall you can jump to, but shoot the walltulas first, and do four mountain climbers. At the top is a door. Go through. There is a monkey behind a locked door--again. There is also a key in the middle of the floor that is promptly taken by a big baba. Keep out of range of the biting head and attack after it lunges. Eventually, it will be destroyed, and you can throw a convenient bombling into the deku like left behind to get the key and the monkey. Yay!
When you leave the room, to your right is a bombling; throw it in the gap beyond it to destroy the deku like below, which was blocking a chest with a piece of heart. Yay!
Head back to the room with the dangling chest and follow the monkeys. They will help you across the fallen bridge gap (four pushups). Go through the door.
A gate will fall behind you because you must now battle Ook. He will hide atop the many pillars in the room, launching the boomerang at you and dropping baba serpents from the ceiling. Basic survival instinct dictates killing the baba serpents first. Then, wait until Ook throws the boomerang and roll into his pillar. This will stun him, and the boomerang will knock him down on its way back. Now, you can attack his shiny, red butt. No, really.
Do this a few times, and he will finally run into a post, fall back, and a dark bug will pop off his head and die. Then Ook runs away, leaving you the Gale Boomerang.
You will have to target the propeller above the door three times to leave the room again. However, we’re done for the day and don’t want to start back at the entrance, so use Ooccoo to leave. She’ll call out Ooccoo Jr., and you can leave and save, and we’ll be able to start back at the same spot.
Cool down and have some water. My totals: roughly thirty minutes of light jogging, seven jumping jacks, eighteen mountain climbers, five sit-ups, two air squats, and nine pushups. A fairly light day, but still more than I would have done otherwise.
I inadvertently took a day off because I was very busy yesterday, but it did a world of good for my sore legs, so this is a combo day three and four. If you’ve powered through and it’s your day three, take day four as a break.
Get warmed up, and let’s get right to it...
We left off with Midna dropping you into the forest spring, still stuck as a wolf. As you start to leave the spring, Midna tells you that you cannot reenter the Twilight without her help, and she wants a sword and shield. You’ll have to get them from town, so head that way.
You will have to fight a few enemies on the way. As usual, do a jumping jack for each time you take damage.
As you start to leave the clearing in front of your house, a voice calls to you to wait (five sit-ups). It is a squirrel, and it recognizes you, even as a wolf. It thanks you for fighting the bulblin, tells you the other children have been kidnapped as well, and advises you to talk to the animals in town.
When you enter the village, one of the fathers is up on the rock where you can summon a hawk. If you get too close, he will launch a hawk at you--dodge.
If you stay out of the light and cross the bridge to the mill yard, you will hear a conversation between the mayor and the other man from town. They mention a shield. Creep closer slowly and stay in the grass, When you get close enough, you will hear that the shield is in the mill, up in the loft. Rusl has been injured. Rusl’s house is the place to go for a sword. Do five more sit-ups for this conversation. They will see you and run away.
To get into the mill, you will have to jump from the small rise across from the spoke. However, you’ll have to frighten away the man first. There is a grey rock by the shop. You can jump up to the roof from there, and then across the rocks and behind the man. Then you jump down and back up on the water wheel. (Two lunges.)
Jump in the window, down to the floor, climb on the table, and jump (one lunge) to the other side, where the shield is on the wall. If you attack the wall, the shield will fall, and you can collect it. Leave through the open window.
You land in the stream. Rusl is leaving his house, injured as he is, to patrol town. Find a spot to hide, I recommend under the bridge, and wait for Rusl to limp past, jogging as you do. If you’re impatient and get caught, do a pushup of shame. Then creep quietly up to the water side of Rusl’s house. There is a spot by the woodpile where you can dig inside. The sword is on the couch. Dig back out and do two pushups for digging.
Avoid Rusl and head back to the forest, now that you are prepared.
As you pass the spring, you are again asked to wait (five sit-ups), this time by the spirit of the spring. As you approach, a shadow beast will appear from the portal in the sky. Once you defeat it, the spirit, Ordona, tells you the shadow beast was there to steal the spirit’s light. There are four spirits, and the other three have already had their light stolen and must be restored. If you restore the light spirit in Faron Woods, you can be turned back into a human.
Head to the twilight wall. Midna will ask if you really want in, pull you through the wall, and then tell you she doesn’t have any use for the sword and shield, but she’ll hold on to them for you. She also reveals that she wants your help gathering something later.
Head straight into a large clearing, where another portal will open, dropping three shadow beasts at once. Be very careful because one hit from them will drain an entire heart of health! Divide and conquer one at a time, but the last beast will revive the other two. Midna will finally offer to help. Hold down “B” and get all the beasts inside the field before you release it, and Midna will knock them all out at once.
Carry on straight to a spring with a very weak spirit (five sit-ups), who gives you a Vessel of Light and asks you to collect it’s light again to restore the woods and its power. The spirit will helpfully mark on the map where the dark insects that have eaten the light are hiding. You cannot see and attack them unless you are using your “X” senses. Do one jumping jack for each recovered Tear of Light, as well as for taking any damage.
At the fork, go right to the clearing where you received your lantern. Have some water. There is a ramp beside the building where you can jump inside (one lunge). Inside, you have to listen to lantern man wonder about the bugs (one sit-up) before two will appear.
Head back to the left fork, where there is a locked gate that you can dig under to the left (one pushup) and take out another bug.
Go straight through the cave. The big clearing from before has become covered in toxic mist, but if you got to the far right, there is a spot where you can begin jumping over the mist and across to continue. There are two more bugs in the big tree. Do ten lunges for all the jumping. There are two more insects on the other side, but they have burrowed under ground. Find the shadow using your “X” senses and dig them up with “Y”.
In the next clearing are three more shadow beasts. If you cannot get them all together, eliminate one and then the other two at the same time--it’s only a problem if one is left alive by itself. There is a bridge leaning against the wall here--we’ll come back to that. Carry on straight ahead. You’ll find another two bugs running around the monkey where you rescued her and Talo. She remarks (one sit-up) that the woods are dangerous all of a sudden.
I’m a bad walkthrough leader, and we missed a bug back at the toxic clearing. If you go back and hang right, there is a way to jump across the other way (two lunges). The bug is sitting on a wall, which you will have to attack to knock it loose. Once we have all the tears, we are taken back to the spring, where the revived spirit will turn us human again and push back the twilight in Faron Woods. In our human form, we are now dressed in the tunic of the chosen hero.
Faron, the spirit, tells us there is an evil power in the Forest Temple, and if we want to defeat the king of twilight, we’ll need to fetch it. Midna hints she wants it, too.
Head back toward the temple (where we rescued Talo and the monkey), but first get the key to the gate and a bottle of lantern oil from the guy with the afro (five sit-ups). At the poison mist clearing, if you pull out your lantern, the monkey will appear and steal it from you, but stay close because she will lead you across the clearing, using the lantern light to push away the mist. She’s afraid of monsters, though, so act quickly to kill them as you come across them.
At the other side you get your lantern back--empty. I recommend getting more oil from Trill’s shop--but don’t forget to pay! Then save, have some water, and cool down. We’re done for today.
My totals: about thirty minutes of light jogging, thirteen jumping jacks, twenty-seven sit-ups, sixteen lunges, and three modified pushups.
I’m not too proud to admit yesterday was a bit too ambitious. Today will be a bit easier because I am sore. At least, I’m going to try to tone it down.
Stretch a bit and then read on:
We start out at the ranch, where Fado says we can leave earlier after rounding up those goats again. Jog during the round up and then do a jumping jack for each goat; this time there are twenty of them. Go ahead and do five sit-ups for talking to Fado as well.
He has set up fences for us again. Jump them all and do one lunge each, plus an extra for any misses. I managed my timing well for only four: three regular jumps and the exit fence. You will notice there is a hitch as you go over the fence.
We next have a cutscene where we meet up with the mayor and his daughter Ilia (five sit-ups). Epona bumper her hoof on that last gate. Ilia yells at us and snags our horse again, taking her off to the forest spring.
As you follow, you will run into the town kids in the clearing in front of your house. Just do five sit-ups for all of them. (Mercy!) Colin says the other boys won’t let anyone by them. They’re mad they got in trouble for the stunt yesterday. Talo insists you give him your wooden sword, and you have to comply to proceed. Colin runs ahead to the spring.
We’re going to take a side trip into the house because now that we have a lantern, there’s a chest in the basement we can open for fifty rupees. Do twelve mountain climbers for the house ladder. The basement ladder is crazy long, so just jog for the trip down and up again. Just jump off the ledge outside and head for the spring.
Ilia closed and locked the gate because she’s still mad. Colin says he’ll try to talk her down while we go around and crawl in through a little tunnel. Do five sit-ups for this conversation and five push-ups for the tunnel crawling. You can find the entrance to the tunnel one clearing back, along the wall to your right as you enter.
There is a long cut-scene next--jog through it. Ilia agrees to let you have your horse back after Colin tells her about you rescuing Talo and the monkey. Suddenly, two bulblin ride in on a bullbo and attack. You are unarmed, so they brain you and grab Ilia and Colin. Their boss, King Bulblin rides in and blows his horn, summoning a twilight portal in the sky before they all ride away. You wake up and try to follow, but a strange orange and black wall blocks the path. A hand comes through and drags you inside. A glowing triforce symbol appears on the back of your hand (chosen hero), you transform into a wolf, pass out again, and are dragged away by the twilight beast as a mysterious figure observes.
The game prompts you to save, so take a break for some water.
You wake up in a cell, chained to the floor, still a wolf. If you yank the chain a bit and then look where it’s attached to the floor, you will trigger a cut scene. The figure who was watching before appears. She taunts you, but then she breaks the chain and sort of says she’ll help you if you can find your way out of the cell. No sit-ups for talking to her--we would die because she talks all the time. There’s a broken crate in the corner. Attack it, and a spot where you can dig under the wall will appear. Do one pushup for digging.
The stranger jumps on your back and says she will help you escape. In the cell next door is a ring hanging from the ceiling. L-target and grab it to open a grate in the wall you can travel through. Do a jumping jack for the ring.
At the end of the tunnel is a floating ball of blue flame. It’s a soldier if you use your wolf senses, but he can’t see you. Do one sit-up for listening to a spirit.
Turn right and head straight along the raised path. Jump across where you see an open door and turn right, pulling a ring opens a short inlet. Do jumping jacks for rings and taking hits. There are spikes on the ground blocking the way, but across from them there is a ring that will open a grate to let water fill the channel so you can swim over them. There’s another guard spirit; if you listen to him, that’s one more sit-up.
Around the corner to his right is a wall, through which your friend flies and says she’ll wait for you to find your own way. Straight across from there is another spirit and a ring to raise a gate to drain all that water you just added. Now, back by that impassible wall is a short tunnel (one push-up) and another spirit.
Up ahead is a very big, spiraling staircase room. You need to make it to the top. Your friend will help you across big gaps (one lunge, even for a sequence of jumps) and ropes (one air squat per rope). It’s fairly straightforward, so I won’t take it step by step. At the top is another round room, where you will have to sequence jump up to a window (one lunge).
Outside, you see a castle, and your friend says to head for another tower. A guard spirit (one sit-up) informs you that it is Hyrule castle. You need to push a box to get up on the next ledge (one pushup). Continue along the towers. I find the shadow kargarocs are easiest to take out with two L-target “A” attacks each. Find an open space to fight them so you don’t fall. Jumping jacks for hits and falls. There’s a bridge down at one of the towers. If you go out on the deck to the left, you can do a jump sequence (one lunge) to the next roof piece. Go through the window, up the stairs, and into a room where your friend, whose name you learn is Midna, wants you to meet somebody: Princess Zelda.
A mother of a cutscene follows. Jog through the backstory of twilight falling over Hyrule, leave, and Midna drops you back at the forest spring, saying she’s giving you time to think things over.
Save, drink some water, do some cool down stretches, and call it a day.
Totals for me: at least thirty minutes of light jogging, twenty-seven jumping jacks, twelve mountain climbers, twenty-five sit-ups, eight lunges, one air squat, and eight pushups.
I am a rambler, so I’m putting all of this below a cut.
Right, so first off, hydration is important. Have some water handy. Take a break for a drink whenever you need to do so. I will also prompt taking a drink of water every time I save or the game prompts me to save. Also, remember, if link is running, you are, too.
During the lovely opening animation, take a few minutes to stretch. This will not count as part of the workout time.
We start in a cut-scene. Feel free to jog in place during it.
Ilia stole our horse, so we have to go find her. Go down the path without a fence beside it. The game will let you know if you’re going the wrong way.
You’ll enter a clearing you can either just run through, or you can throw rocks to make a few quick rupees. Large rocks will not break when thrown unless you throw them against a wall. Do an air squat for each rock--I counted seven.
Just before the bridge you can turn left into the spring where we can retrieve our freshly bathed horse. If you talk to Ilia, she’ll mention playing your horse (hereafter referred to as Epona, whether or not you named her that) her favorite song with a blade of grass. If you do, do five quick jumping jacks.
Having retrieved Epona, turn right going back out of the spring and go straight to head to the ranch to help with the goats.
There will be a cutscene of Ordon village. If you stop to talk villagers on your way to help Fado with the goats, do five sit-ups for each unique conversation. I found four, which would be twenty.
I took a quick drink here.
Do a jumping jack for each goat: 10.
Fado will set up fences for you to practice jumping over. There are two practice fences and the main gate out of the paddock. try to jump all three in a row. If you make it, do three pushups, regular or modified, and add one for each time you mess up a jump. I ended up doing four.
You are now prompted to save. Take a drink.
The town’s children wake you up the next morning. The ladder down from the window has ten rungs. Do ten mountain climbers, five each leg. There’s another ten rung ladder. Do ten more. The ladder down from your house has twelve rungs. I’m sure you know what to do.
The kids tell you about a slingshot on sale, and Colin tells you you can pick up the fishing rod he made you from his mother. Ten sit-ups for two conversations. I drank some water.
There are some rupees in the grass by your house, and looking under rocks will find you some more. I broke four rocks for four more air squats.
Head into town. If you talk to the shop owner’s husband that’ll be five sit-ups on top of the five for learning about L-targeting. If you decide to jump over and call a hawk, do five jumping jacks and four mountain climbers for climbing the vines.
I had to take a short break to stretch out a sore chest/arm muscle. If you need a break, take one. Have some water. You can knock down the bee’s nest the store owner’s husband told you about with the hawk. If you miss, do five penalty jumping jacks. (I had to for accidentally launching the hawk when I didn’t mean to...)
Jump down (if you were up on the rocks) and go to find Colin’s mother. Do five sit-ups after talking to her. She’s missing a cradle. It floated downstream, which, if you follow the water flow, goes back toward the rocks. If you went up earlier, maybe you noticed you can jump farther, and there is another piece of grass to call a hawk. Head back and jump over there. Do four mountain climbers for the vines, four lunges, two each side, for jumping across the rocks, and five jumping jacks to call a hawk. You can see a monkey in the distance holding the cradle. Use the hawk to retrieve it. Apply appropriate penalties for errors.
Bring the cradle to Colin’s mother and follow her home to get your fishing rod. She’s very slow, but giver her a break--she’s pregnant. Do five sit-ups for the conversation.
Equip your new rod and head back down the path. Cross the bridge and talk to the mayor (five sit-ups). A goat will try to escape from the ranch. Block its way and hold down “A” to stop it. If you are successful, do two lunges, four if you missed.
Go back across the bridge and over the next to go behind the mill where the cat is. Catch a fish which it will steal. Do a lunge for each fishing attempt, including the successful one. Follow the cat back to the shop, where if you have gathered enough rupees, you can buy a slingshot (do five sit-ups for talking with the shopkeeper). I broke the four pumpkins for rupees and did four more air squats, then two more because I didn’t have enough rupees for the slingshot, which costs 30 rupees. Have some water.
After purchasing the slingshot, go home. You are told you have a delivery (five sit-ups), but there is a spider on the ladder. L-target it after equipping your new slingshot and shoot it down. Climb up to your house (twelve mountain climbers) and open your gift: it’s a wooden sword.
Back outside you can practice using the sword and slingshot. Either do another twelve mountain climbers for the ladder if you’re up to it, or jump down and do two lunges instead. Do a penalty jumping jack for every miss or failure to execute an attack properly. Also, do five sit-ups for talking to the kids. L-targeting will help with shooting the scarecrows, but you’re on your own for the targets. Line them up right between the tops of the slingshot arms and you should be golden. I took a drink after the slingshot and before the sword. For the sword, just follow the instructions--easy, right?
After all that, the kids see a monkey and chase it into the woods; follow them. If you talk to the girl, do five sit-ups before continuing into the woods. If you talk to Malo before crossing the bridge, do five more sit-ups.
You’ll come across a closed gate. Use a grass to call Epona (5 jumping jacks) and a lunge for every miss trying to jump it. (I did two--my timing was off.) There will be a cave in front of you with a boko baba out front. Epona will refuse to go inside, so you must continue on foot. Do a penalty jumping jack for each time the boko baba damages you. (I did one--I pulled out my fishing rod instead of my sword--how embarrassing!) Remember that in a fight, L-targeting is always your friend!
Before entering the cave, head to the side where you can get a free lantern from the guy with the afro. You’ll need it in the cave. Continue to do one jumping jack for each time you take damage on your way through the cave. Light the lanterns as you go and use the lamp to burn the spider webs blocking your way. At the fork in the path, you can leave the main stretch to get ten rupees from a chest or just continue. The cave is much longer on the Gamecube or Wii.
You will want to bear right across the large clearing to a cave, where you will find a chest with a key, and by lighting two lanterns to reveal it, another chest with a piece of heart. Leave the cave and continue hugging the right wall of the clearing to find a locked gate on which to use your shiny new key. (I got hit three times for another three jumping jacks.)
Continue onward. There is a shop run by a bird where you can buy more lantern oil, if you need it, but don’t forget to pay on your way out, or he’ll hurt you. Do five jumping jacks for a thief penalty if you didn’t pay or didn’t pay enough. Cross the bridge, fight the enemies, and rescue Malo and the monkey by using a spin attack to break the cage. (I got hit two more times here.)
There is a cut-scene where you escort Talo most of the way home and then encounter Rusl. Then we skip to the ranch again on the next day, but save and call it a day because this was more like an hour long workout, and I don’t know about you, but I’m pooped.
Stretch a bit to cool down.
My exercise total for this day was probably about thirty minutes of light jogging, thirty-one jumping jacks, fifty-two mountain climbers, seventy-five sit-ups, eight lunges, seventeen air squats, and four modified pushups. Whew!
So, I was thinking to myself, after realizing that I really ought to be working out more, that the reason I don’t is because I don’t enjoy it.
This, or something similar, has probably been done before and probably better, but I’m going to combine video games I enjoy with a workout so I might actually do it. Continue reading for more details.
I kind of did this before when my job had a “stay healthier” initiative involving pedometers. I had a daily step goal and often found myself thinking, “Aw, man... I need about 5000 more steps but I don’t want to go outside.” Reading or watching shows on a treadmill is okay, but it wasn’t terribly engaging, and it limits to only walking or running.
So, I would play a game that involved a lot of the character traveling around, and when they were moving, I was moving. This had a lot of starting and stopping because jogging in place was tricky while in a fight.
However, fights provide an opportunity for additional work. Say I keep track of how many times I’m hit, and each translates into a few jumping jacks or sit-ups. Sounds like a plan, right?
In honor of the eventual release of Breath of the Wild, I decided to use a Zelda game, and I will be referencing the HD re-release of the game because the WiiU pad is more convenient for my inability to remain in one spot while jogging “in place” than the corded controller for my Gamecube. (Yes, I still have one, and I love it dearly.)
I will be logging my own progress, to see if it works for me, and if anyone else gives this a shot, I’d love to hear if it worked for you. If it does, awesome! You made it happen. If it doesn’t, keep trying--the same things don’t work for everyone.
Each session will be approximately 45 minutes, since not everything is going to be movement, unless I’m still feeling pumped, in which case I will go longer. I will note the total number of exercises beyond jogging I did, and weekly, I will report my weight. I have no idea how long it will take, but it will certainly be a journey.
I am in fairly decent shape. If what I suggest is too difficult for you, try modifying it to something easier. If it’s too easy, why aren’t you at a gym? (I kid.) If it’s too easy, ramp it up until you feel you’re getting a workout.
It’s good to have goals going into something like this. Mine is to fit back into several pairs of pants I love but cannot currently wear. Starting weight, approximately 161lbs.
Would I Eat It Again? Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms!
The recipe we used can be found here: https://www.atkins.com/recipes/chicken-portobello-broilers/145
Official Atkins and everything!
Sister four bought some chicken breast already cut into “tenders” to reduce some of the cutting prep. We got mushrooms with stems still attached, so we diced those up and threw them in with the stuffing.
Our mushrooms were pretty flat, so the “stuffing” was really more of a pile on top, but the effect is more or less the same.
These were quite tasty. Sister four liked them very much. Sister five thought they were okay. I would eat them again, possibly with some kind of additional sauce, but four said she’d them as they were.
We also had some squash fries with these, but they were a bit soggier than intended. (Overcooked? I know not.)
Would I do it again? Walking the Middle Fork Path at Clearwater Park!
Sister four of five has a goal to walk/hike all the options in our immediate area. Earlier today, she and I went to Clearwater Park. Keep reading for some rambling and eventually a few pictures.
After making our way to Clearwater Park in Springfield, Oregon (http://willamalane.org/park/clearwater-park/), we apparently drove past the main parking for the trail and ended up down by the boat ramp.
Four read that the trail went “along the river,” so we assumed we should go as close to the water as possible.
The official trail is very nicely paved and maintained. There are some other offshoot trails that are a bit more off-road. We found two of these dirt/rock trails, one of which we ended up taking back from the trail to the parking by the water, and one that ran, quite literally, along the edge of the river bank.
After muscling our way through spots that were pretty clearly not maintained trails but that had seen enough foot traffic to follow, we found the main trail. To get to it, we had to cross a small off-shoot of the river via a small rock wall. In hindsight, we probably weren’t supposed to do it, but we emerged unscathed and followed the official, paved path.
We saw several other, very friendly people on foot, bikes, roller blades, and even a couple of skateboards. The weather was coolish, as the day was overcast.
The woods and the river were both very pretty, and we saw birds, chipmunks, and one large slug that four moved off of the trail to save him from imminent squashing.
The trail itself is about 4 miles long and counts down from the full length at the Clearwater end, with marker tiles in the trail every quarter mile. We actually entered the path at about the 3.5 mile marker and continued on to a little past the 2 mile marker before turning back, more as a result of swarming gnats than because of fatigue.
Shortly after turning around to head back, we heard a sound behind us. I thought it might be someone on a bike, and four thought it sounded like the wind, but it turned out to be a rapidly approaching wall of rain.
We brought umbrellas along and managed to narrowly avoid a soaking. The rain had let up again by the time we made it back to the parking area.
Would I do it again? Certainly. In fact, I would love to sometime walk the whole length of the Middle Fork Path. It’s a nice, easy walk, and if you’re adventurous, the other trails are a bit more of a challenge.
Sister four of five is currently trying Atkins, which makes traditional pizza a great big no-no. We used almond flour previously in fried chicken, which I would definitely eat again, by the way, and she thought she’d see if recipes existed for pizza dough with almond flour. They do, indeed. Hit the read more for additional information and some links to recipes.
Here are the top three Google links for almond flour pizza dough. We didn’t add any coconut flour, and I think ours was pretty much the second in the list, give or take.
Fair warning, I was already a bit biased from the start of this culinary experiment because I love me a fluffy crust, and this was definitely more of a thin and crispy fare.
The crust had quite a powerful flavor all its own that I found to be a bit sweeter than I would have liked, four of five felt it overpowered the flavor of the other toppings (tomato sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni, and mushrooms in our case), and five of five found it to be a bit grainier in texture than she wanted. The graininess may have been because some of our almond flour was not of a very fine grind.
I and five of five also found the crust to be a bit more fragile than we were used to in our pizza. It broke apart pretty easily, I thought. Five of five said it reminded her of pie crust.
That having been said, it wasn’t disgusting or anything.
Would I eat it again? Probably not, but then again, I can have and quite enjoy carbs. It was definitely worth a shot though, and if you need a no-wheat alternative crust, try it, you might like it.
Basically, this will be a blog documenting various things I get up to with my sisters.
When we try something new, I’ll talk about it a bit and then rate it using what I like to call the “Would I do it again?” system.
Except for movies. Movies are special. We watch a lot via Netflix, and on one occasion, we watched a movie called “The Tall Man” expecting something more scary than it was and being ultimately rather disappointed. It has become a bar against which to gauge other films, so besides “Would I watch it again?”, there is also “Was it better or worse than ‘The Tall Man’?”
I will try not to be too spoilery when discussing entertainment, and once I figure out how to put things under a “Read More”, I’ll use that, if I can’t contain myself.
I’ll do my best to keep my language civil, but I make no promises, so be aware that some swearing might occur.
I can’t imagine what precisely anybody might wish to ask me, but if you have burning questions about anything I’ve posted, feel free.
