proverbs 20:30

20s ~ girlsam enthusiast ~ he/she ~ no minors

[sistersam]

deansam sun kenrome moon niallruben rising

[nicoleanell]

when I go to war against Niall's haters and I have to kill Jamie Bell.

[inter-state80]

s3 makes me want to kill myself because it's all about grieving your brother before he even dies and then you think oh s4 will be beautiful because they're reunited and that's not true at all. s4 is horrible. not only does dean "come back wrong" but by dying in the first place his little brother has been changed for-ever. and you can't go back. neither of them can go back to that moment on the side of the road with dean perched on the cooler telling sam to put his shoulder into unscrewing the valve cap. there's no way back there at all.

[goldensunset]

when the characters never really make peace with it

[twinktorturer]

guy who was dropped on the head as a puppy

[isabellaofparma]

Come here. Dance with me. Here. Get on my feet.

[lazybakerart]

remember when niall admitted five minutes after getting married to another man that the only thing he's ever felt is his love for ruben. do you remember that. do you. do you remember that niall said it's the only thing he's ever felt right to ruben's face. looking right at ruben. making eye contact with ruben. ruben asked do you love me? and where do you feel it? and niall said everywhere. he said it's the only thing he's ever felt. for ruben. the love he feels. it's the only thing. he feels it everywhere.

[tellerficraz]

SHUT UP! STOP! STOP HURTING ME LIKE THIS!

THEY COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL!!!!

[meelie98]

ruben needs to feel needed and like a provider because it lets him understand himself it lets him know his place in the world and most importantly it's what allows him to feel masculine and whole

but the person who needs him most the only one subservient and adoring and frankly weak and vulnerable enough to fill that void in him is niall.

and it is not really in the normative frames of masculinity to have that sort of violent possessive and psychosexual fixation on a younger man and that just makes ruben more violent and cruel and dismissive because he thinks if he dominates niall enough if he puts him into these specific boxes (his stupid little brother, his social and sexual inferior, his literal houseservant) it will hide the implications of his fixation and need to help niall but ultimately doing all these things just reveals how odd it is. if he really didn't care why on earth finance niall's life, why take so much pleasure in niall's helplessness - as a way to exert control, yes, but also a way to nurture reliance.

ruben's masculinity, his sense of self, is just as reliant on niall as niall's is reliant on ruben. that's why he's so angry when niall goes off to university, where ruben's lack of academic success, his misogyny, his violent tendencies, and his general working class demeanor make him reliant on niall for access to spaces. it's why he's so resentful and enraged that the one time HE desperately needed niall - during his trial - niall 'betrayed' him. it's why he's so angry when niall tells him he is having a child, a step towards a life without ruben in a patriarchal mould ruben cannot emulate due to his infertility. throughout the whole show, even through his relationship with ava, ruben suspects (read: knows) niall is gay. its fine he's with ava because it's a sham relationship and niall is still financially and psychologically reliant on ruben. it's obvious why he's so angry about niall's sleeping with mona - it's a complete and total betrayal from the people he imagines as needing him most. and it's why he kills niall on his wedding day, when niall's close to finding fulfillment and stability completely apart from ruben.

that's the paradox of ruben as a character - he's a symbol of toxic, masculinist, heterosexual hegemony yet his manhood is totally reliant on an effeminate and waifish boy that's in love with him. niall is the only one pathetically dependent enough to properly fill up ruben's 'needed' barometer, to make him feel like a man. but that's not very masculine at all.

it's the only thing I've ever felt. it's like a chemical dependence.

[dolltaxidermy]

i stay straight, i stay bad, i keep my finger on the trigger, i'm so wet, my hoes mad, if i get drunk, might have to ring her, she pick up, then we fuck, i get so gay off that tequila, i need some dick for tuеsday, let me go put out some feelеrs

[bippus]

The gaping hole in the world of the uncleless nephew

[koolthing0]

[laterkiss]

[gothicsammy]

𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 - 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

[fairycosmos]

things were so different when i was a kid and closer to the ground. texturally

[loveshounds]

There is a light. And it goes. Out.

[trepanned]

[johnnysilverhandssuitcasenuke]