With the morning sun peaking through the window,a light groan skidded between both brims of Bellamy’s mouth. Shifting his body to the right, Bellamy’s hues flickered open. He held a groggy gaze on Clarke. “Hey Princess.” He mused faintly. Bellamy’s thick eyebrows twitched into perplexity. Most of the night was a blur, but he still distinctly remembers swaying Clarke to leave.“ You stayed here with me?” The words crawled from his lips in surprise. Slight relief hidden under his breath. Lifting his body up, a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, while keeping his gaze on Clarke. The yearning desire for her was becoming more difficult to dismiss. As much as Bellamy convinced himself Clarke was his best friend, co-leader and nothing more, he knew that not to be be true. For years Bellamy had cared gravely for Clarke in silence.
It ached at his heart when he thought of Clarke, but Bellamy would not allow his feelings to skewer his judgment, as it has done in the past. That is how people die, and he couldn’t lose anyone else, especially her. Thinking of that possibility wrenched at his soul. Leaning in towards Clarke, Bellamy’s gaze melted into her eyes for a lingering moment. “ I’m glad your here.” His cheeks flushed slightly, at the soft words pulling from his mouth. Tilting his neck inward, Bellamy’s head fell on Clarke’s shoulder. “ I feel a little better, thanks for that.” Moments like this were a rarity in their world, and because of that reality, Bellamy would savor this for as long as he could.
Extending his hand out, the tip of Bellamy’s thumb lightly touched the lateral of Clarke’s chin. “ You know when your not giving orders to me your not half bad to be around.” He mused jokingly, with the crook of his left mouth curling into a narrow smirk.“ You should smile more often.” With the words fluidly leaving both brims of his mouth, Bellamy awkwardly pulled his hand away. [ It’s okay to admit you love her Bellamy] Maggie’s words dancing in his mind repeatedly. A tense cough gusted from his throat. Shaking his head at the thought, Bellamy quirked his eyebrows down, once again ignoring what he knew to be true. “ But uh, in all seriousness I’ve never really had anyone take care of me like that. so thanks” Bellamy’s eyes averted their gaze away, as he nipped at his top lip, with nerves swimming through his body.
His brown hues veered their glance down, until noting one of Clarke’s free hands. Silence once again filling the space between the two. Bellamy reached his hand out for Clarke’s and gradually interlaced his fingers into hers. The touch of her skin brought him solace, with his smile returning to both lines of his lips. “Do you ever think about what your life would be like if I never came to the ground?” The question fell in a guilt stricken tone. Bellamy closed his eyes for a moment, taking his mind back to so many years ago. He was so young. “ Maybe some people would still be alive” His voice cracked with pain hitting at his words. “ Or my sister, Octavia, Bloodreina, whatever you want to call her would be different.”
Bellamy still felt betrayal over everything his sister had done. Not just to him, but to Clarke,Madi,his friends, the people who grew to be more his family than she had. From the moment they landed on the ground those years ago Bellamy blamed himself for what Octavia became, and was even convinced if he had been a better brother, she wouldn’t have turned into Bloodreina. Now Bellamy is slowly coming to terms with the notion it was’t his fault ,but Octavia’s. War changed her dramatically, and Bellamy had to let her go. They were’t healthy for each other anymore. His eyes immorality opened again. “ I saw her last week.” Bellamy paused briefly. “ I don’t know if I can forgive her Clarke, not anymore.”
Something about the moment felt different. Maybe it was the soft light that spilled into the room from the window, framing his face in shades of yellow and gold. Maybe it was his proximity, so close she was sure he could hear the beating of her heart. Maybe it was his large hands against the small of her back, sending waves of heat skittering up her spine, the difference in their stature more apparent than ever as they spanned her waist. Whatever it was, it felt like time had been suspended, like the rest of the world had fallen away, like for the first time in her life she was truly invincible. And in his arms, his thumbs grazing across her skin, maybe she was.
Her heart stuttered as he finally spoke, words raw and hoarse with sleep. She couldn’t help it, not with the awe that dripped from his voice, not with the small smile on his lips she’d only seen a handful of times. She couldn’t help but mirror it, her own curving upwards. Without much thought, she reached a hand up, brushing his hair back from his face, watching the movement briefly before looking back down. ‘Of course I stayed.’
She wondered briefly if she shouldn’t have, if he didn’t want her to. He never would have said it, of course, because that’s just who he was. But as he moved closer, brown eyes gazing down at her with an intensity that nearly stole her breath from her lungs, she let that insecurity slip away. Her hand fell lower as he moved closer, palm pressed to the side of his face, beard grazing her fingertips. ‘Good,’ Clarke murmured, a shade of pink creeping up her neck, hand falling away as his head tipped forward. She closed her eyes as his forehead pressed to her collarbone, somehow both warm and cool against her skin.
It wasn’t when his head left her shoulder that she opened her eyes again, but the feel of his thumb against her chin, rough yet gentle. Her eyes flew open, lips parting with a soundless noise as her eyes found his again, his words mixed with his gaze twisting at something in her heart. She let his words settle between them briefly, nothing but the sound of her breathing. ‘So should you.’ She meant for it to sound teasing, but the words left her throat thickly. Her thin brows quirked at his next words though, corners of her lips pulled down. ‘Hey,’ Clarke began, her frown evident in her voice. ‘I’ve always cared.’ She hesitated then, wetting her lips before adding, ‘And I always will.’
Clarke swallowed as his eyes fell away from her, pulse jumping as his fingers trailed down her arm, wrist, palm, until they laced with her own. She noticed the change in his expression, even before he spoke. And when he finally did, it broke her heart. ‘Bellamy,’ Clarke’s voice broke through, concerned and stern, but he didn’t seem to pay attention. ‘Bellamy, listen to me,’ she leaned forward slightly. ‘I would be nowhere without you, Bellamy Blake.’
It broke her heart listening to him like this. So much so that she didn’t care if he saw the emotions on her face, didn’t care if she was wearing her heart on her sleeve. He had to know. She squeezed his hand before letting go, shifting slightly so she could bring up both hands to cradle his face, beard scratchy against her palms. ‘It pains me so much to say this, but you don’t owe her, Bellamy. You devoted your entire life to her. You gave her everything you had, risked everything for her. But—‘ She paused, her gaze tense on his, willing him to understand. ‘But she broke your heart. And maybe you broke hers. Sometimes that’s what love is. Sometimes loving someone means having to let them go.’ She swallowed thickly, emotion bubbling dangerously in her chest, mouth opening again before she could stop it. ‘You still have me.’ Her pulse racketed at the words, unfamiliar with how raw they made her feel. She licked her lips, letting her right hand trail down his jaw, throat, chest, until it rested above his heart. ‘No matter what happens, you’ll always have me.’
