worst set of crewmates youve ever seen (except for all the rest)

The crew of Skeld ship serial number lambda-five (managed by MIRA Corp.) now have internet access! This can only go terribly.

[skeld-lambda-five]

This is an askblog for my Among Us OCs! In-character social media posts might also go here too.

Characters on here:

Rösz (Red) (they/them)

Szarka (Orange) (he/she/they)

Citrom (Yellow) (it/they)

Kaisla (Lime) (they/them)

Forte (Fortegreen (the glitch color)) (they/it)

Meeri (Cyan) (they/them)

Indy (Blue) (she/they)

Mályva (Purple) (he/they/it)

Gen (Pink) (they/them)

Remora (Black) (he/they)

Bianca (White) (she/they)

Posts will be tagged by character and by story arc! The arcs/chapters? are:

Body Removal Surgery

Kill And Replace

Dude, What The Fuck?!

Buddy System

FOR SCIENCE!

Detroit Become Human

Among Us Babies Are Born

Detroit Become Internet Access

Get Unfired Lol (these last two titles aren't finalized ok)

I'll put all the tags on this post for ease of finding. Also, more info can be found at the toyhouse folder!

Oh yeah and my main is @goldpilot22

[penandinkprincess]

i got a robot vacuum as a present, and while it is very convenient and useful, i forgot how needy these things are

why are you screaming at ME when you were the one who hunted down a sock under the couch and tried to eat it???

that was YOUR decision

[bogleech]

You know, as the concept of “zombifying fungi” becomes more and more popular, I notice it still referred to everywhere as like a “brain parasite.” So I guess a lot of people overlooked or forgot how in 2019 it was discovered that cordyceps and other similar fungal parasites leave the brain and nervous system completely untouched. They only control the muscles. They use chemical signals to make the muscles flex in real time where they want to go :)

[bogleech]

It’s funny how many people are replying “but that’s worse!” like you didn’t know that’s exactly why I put a smiley

[acegodzilla]

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

How do you feel about worms?

@dirtcup-blog

There is a hole in my office wall that leads to tunnels full of dead worm bodies.

Guess.

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

I'm sorry, but you do know I work at the place that got attacked by a walking worm filled corpse?

You know that?

That I work at Worms Are Bad Inc?

Like, I'm sorry, but,

I'm not super keen on worms, no.

[skeld-lambda-five]

PURPLE: oh we got one of those too

PURPLE: what are worms though

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

What

[skeld-lambda-five]

[Video begins]

PURPLE: "Yup, rotting dead bastard just walkin' around! Well, sleeping around right now. Or maybe actually dead. I dunno if they're-"

PURPLE: "A"

PINK: "You're the dead man walking here, Máy."

[Video ends]

PINK: lmao dumbass doesn't even know what worms are.

PINK: also I think he misread your post and thought your worm-filled incident was a coworker. Lol

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

She is solidly *not* a coworker.

I do have a jar of her ashes, but she doesn't work here.

[skeld-lambda-five]

PINK: You should hire her looolll I'm explaining to May here what worms are and he thinks they could help with the archivisting.

PINK: What does an archivist even do anyway?

PINK: Besides hating worms.

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

How do you feel about worms?

@dirtcup-blog

There is a hole in my office wall that leads to tunnels full of dead worm bodies.

Guess.

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

I'm sorry, but you do know I work at the place that got attacked by a walking worm filled corpse?

You know that?

That I work at Worms Are Bad Inc?

Like, I'm sorry, but,

I'm not super keen on worms, no.

[skeld-lambda-five]

PURPLE: oh we got one of those too

PURPLE: what are worms though

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

What

[skeld-lambda-five]

[Video begins]

PURPLE: "Yup, rotting dead bastard just walkin' around! Well, sleeping around right now. Or maybe actually dead. I dunno if they're-"

PURPLE: "A"

PINK: "You're the dead man walking here, Máy."

[Video ends]

PINK: lmao dumbass doesn't even know what worms are.

PINK: also I think he misread your post and thought your worm-filled incident was a coworker. Lol

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

How do you feel about worms?

@dirtcup-blog

There is a hole in my office wall that leads to tunnels full of dead worm bodies.

Guess.

[recordings-of-the-not-archivist]

I'm sorry, but you do know I work at the place that got attacked by a walking worm filled corpse?

You know that?

That I work at Worms Are Bad Inc?

Like, I'm sorry, but,

I'm not super keen on worms, no.

[skeld-lambda-five]

PURPLE: oh we got one of those too

PURPLE: what are worms though

[skeld-lambda-five]

PINK: "I dunno what she's so upset about. We got drunk on stream a couple runs ago and no one gave a damn."

PURPLE: "Heard her muttering something about 'endangering our reputation'."

PINK: "Yeah, I do that shit more than Meeri lmao."

[skeld-lambda-five]

FORTE: "You are a liability we already take into account."

PINK: "What."

FORTE: "You're the resident aberration. You are awful in almost every way we're capable of being. Your bad behavior doesn't reflect on the rest of us because you're an outlier."

PINK: "Am I really though?"

FORTE: "Course not. But the Internet doesn't need to know that."

PINK: "Hehe."

[skeld-lambda-five]

FORTE: "Besides, being drunk actually makes your streams less of a stain on our overall reputation."

PINK: "What?"

FORTE: "It gives you an excuse for acting like a douche!"

PINK: "In that case, maybe me and asshole here should 'get rid of' Meeri's illicit purchases."

PURPLE: "Way ahead a' you."

PINK: "Goddamn, I didn't even notice you left."

[skeld-lambda-five]

PURPLE: "Hey why is there a plastic frog in here."

[skeld-lambda-five]

PINK: "I dunno what she's so upset about. We got drunk on stream a couple runs ago and no one gave a damn."

PURPLE: "Heard her muttering something about 'endangering our reputation'."

PINK: "Yeah, I do that shit more than Meeri lmao."

[skeld-lambda-five]

FORTE: "You are a liability we already take into account."

PINK: "What."

FORTE: "You're the resident aberration. You are awful in almost every way we're capable of being. Your bad behavior doesn't reflect on the rest of us because you're an outlier."

PINK: "Am I really though?"

FORTE: "Course not. But the Internet doesn't need to know that."

PINK: "Hehe."

[skeld-lambda-five]

FORTE: "Besides, being drunk actually makes your streams less of a stain on our overall reputation."

PINK: "What?"

FORTE: "It gives you an excuse for acting like a douche!"

PINK: "In that case, maybe me and asshole here should 'get rid of' Meeri's illicit purchases."

PURPLE: "Way ahead a' you."

PINK: "Goddamn, I didn't even notice you left."

[skeld-lambda-five]

PINK: "I dunno what she's so upset about. We got drunk on stream a couple runs ago and no one gave a damn."

PURPLE: "Heard her muttering something about 'endangering our reputation'."

PINK: "Yeah, I do that shit more than Meeri lmao."

[skeld-lambda-five]

FORTE: "You are a liability we already take into account."

PINK: "What."

FORTE: "You're the resident aberration. You are awful in almost every way we're capable of being. Your bad behavior doesn't reflect on the rest of us because you're an outlier."

PINK: "Am I really though?"

FORTE: "Course not. But the Internet doesn't need to know that."

PINK: "Hehe."

[skeld-lambda-five]

PINK: "I dunno what she's so upset about. We got drunk on stream a couple runs ago and no one gave a damn."

PURPLE: "Heard her muttering something about 'endangering our reputation'."

PINK: "Yeah, I do that shit more than Meeri lmao."

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: (Deep breath.) "MEERI. Get over here."

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Hiiii~"

BLUE: "Ugh. You drank that stuff didn't you."

CYAN: "Yep!"

BLUE: "Would you like to explain how you got your hands on it when none of us are legally able to purchase alcohol and your tablet has several filters on it to keep you from buying dangerous things."

CYAN: "Yeah, I got someone else's credid card and age and stuff from online. And I just borrowed Red's tablet. Didja know they'll do literally anything if you ask niceys enough?"

BLUE: "Yes. I know that. Whose identity did you steal?"

CYAN: "Iunno. Some 'Ledd' guy."

BLUE: "And how much of their money did you spend?"

CYAN: "Like… ninety?"

BLUE: "Oh for fuck's sake… how much alcohol did you BUY?"

CYAN: "A lot!"

BLUE: "Okay. Well you've committed a crime, and broken several rules, so this is going to necessitate some sort of punishment."

CYAN: "Aw man…"

BLUE: "Now, there's a few options here. Option one is you come clean to the whole crew and we can come up with a suitable punishment as a group."

CYAN: "Nopeitty nope nope. I'm not gettin' ejected for just a silly credit card fraud. My motive core is cleaaaan. Clean as a pickle."

BLUE: "Okay, then there's two other ways. Option two is you record an apology video and send it to the person whose credit card information you stole, and you also pay back all their money from your wages."

CYAN: "Oh come on, that's like. A lot of wages. Can I do the third thing instead?"

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: "You want option three? Before I've even told you what it is?"

CYAN: "Yeah! Paying money SUCKS."

BLUE: "Ehehe. Alright then."

CYAN: "Wait wh-"

BLUE: "Option three is I get to study the effects of alcohol intoxication! Follow me to Medical, please."

[skeld-lambda-five]

RED: "Why didn't she want to experiment on me :("

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: (Deep breath.) "MEERI. Get over here."

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Hiiii~"

BLUE: "Ugh. You drank that stuff didn't you."

CYAN: "Yep!"

BLUE: "Would you like to explain how you got your hands on it when none of us are legally able to purchase alcohol and your tablet has several filters on it to keep you from buying dangerous things."

CYAN: "Yeah, I got someone else's credid card and age and stuff from online. And I just borrowed Red's tablet. Didja know they'll do literally anything if you ask niceys enough?"

BLUE: "Yes. I know that. Whose identity did you steal?"

CYAN: "Iunno. Some 'Ledd' guy."

BLUE: "And how much of their money did you spend?"

CYAN: "Like… ninety?"

BLUE: "Oh for fuck's sake… how much alcohol did you BUY?"

CYAN: "A lot!"

BLUE: "Okay. Well you've committed a crime, and broken several rules, so this is going to necessitate some sort of punishment."

CYAN: "Aw man…"

BLUE: "Now, there's a few options here. Option one is you come clean to the whole crew and we can come up with a suitable punishment as a group."

CYAN: "Nopeitty nope nope. I'm not gettin' ejected for just a silly credit card fraud. My motive core is cleaaaan. Clean as a pickle."

BLUE: "Okay, then there's two other ways. Option two is you record an apology video and send it to the person whose credit card information you stole, and you also pay back all their money from your wages."

CYAN: "Oh come on, that's like. A lot of wages. Can I do the third thing instead?"

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: "You want option three? Before I've even told you what it is?"

CYAN: "Yeah! Paying money SUCKS."

BLUE: "Ehehe. Alright then."

CYAN: "Wait wh-"

BLUE: "Option three is I get to study the effects of alcohol intoxication! Follow me to Medical, please."

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: (Deep breath.) "MEERI. Get over here."

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Hiiii~"

BLUE: "Ugh. You drank that stuff didn't you."

CYAN: "Yep!"

BLUE: "Would you like to explain how you got your hands on it when none of us are legally able to purchase alcohol and your tablet has several filters on it to keep you from buying dangerous things."

CYAN: "Yeah, I got someone else's credid card and age and stuff from online. And I just borrowed Red's tablet. Didja know they'll do literally anything if you ask niceys enough?"

BLUE: "Yes. I know that. Whose identity did you steal?"

CYAN: "Iunno. Some 'Ledd' guy."

BLUE: "And how much of their money did you spend?"

CYAN: "Like… ninety?"

BLUE: "Oh for fuck's sake… how much alcohol did you BUY?"

CYAN: "A lot!"

BLUE: "Okay. Well you've committed a crime, and broken several rules, so this is going to necessitate some sort of punishment."

CYAN: "Aw man…"

BLUE: "Now, there's a few options here. Option one is you come clean to the whole crew and we can come up with a suitable punishment as a group."

CYAN: "Nopeitty nope nope. I'm not gettin' ejected for just a silly credit card fraud. My motive core is cleaaaan. Clean as a pickle."

BLUE: "Okay, then there's two other ways. Option two is you record an apology video and send it to the person whose credit card information you stole, and you also pay back all their money from your wages."

CYAN: "Oh come on, that's like. A lot of wages. Can I do the third thing instead?"

[skeld-lambda-five]

BLUE: (Deep breath.) "MEERI. Get over here."

[piltover-defender]

CYAN: Hello! You are our website 1000th visitor! You've won a free tour of our spaceship! Click here to claim your reward: shortlink. to/PhishingWebsite

- @skeld-lambda-five

That's okay I'm too impayoent for fisging. Too boring. I don't even like fish that much

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: Oh, don't worry, the shortlink maker just puts something random there! It's not a phishing website, it's a site you can go to to claim your FREE REWARD!!! All you need to do is put some "numbers" from your "card" into the website and you will get the reward!

[piltover-defender]

oh neato I have. Buskness card in a pockwt. Somewhere

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Buskness card"? That a special kind of "credit card"?

[piltover-defender]

I'll be honest I was. Drunk as a whump when I responded to this last. And I was probably talking about a business card because I don't even know what a credit card is.

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: lol it's ok I got someone else's :) also what is "drunk" like? How do you get drunk? It sounds pretty fun...

[piltover-defender]

In the right situation it can be fun, but drinking when you're sad is. Not that. I definitely had too much, otherwise my head wouldn't be hurting this much.

Do you not have alcohol where you're from?

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: We only got access to the internet like a couple months ago! only had HQ before that, and they never let us request anything interesting so this is kind of my big chance :3 now that I got these credit card details and this identity information #chaching

[piltover-defender]

My advice? If you get your hands on some alcohol, don't do any drinking when you're in a bad mood. It'll make the mood ten times worse.

Speaking from personal experience.

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: imb NEVAR in a bad mood lol im hidign all these fuckin forgs allo ver and im DUNK this is AEWOSME best thing in hmy limfe

[piltover-defender]

CYAN: Hello! You are our website 1000th visitor! You've won a free tour of our spaceship! Click here to claim your reward: shortlink. to/PhishingWebsite

- @skeld-lambda-five

That's okay I'm too impayoent for fisging. Too boring. I don't even like fish that much

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: Oh, don't worry, the shortlink maker just puts something random there! It's not a phishing website, it's a site you can go to to claim your FREE REWARD!!! All you need to do is put some "numbers" from your "card" into the website and you will get the reward!

[piltover-defender]

oh neato I have. Buskness card in a pockwt. Somewhere

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Buskness card"? That a special kind of "credit card"?

[piltover-defender]

I'll be honest I was. Drunk as a whump when I responded to this last. And I was probably talking about a business card because I don't even know what a credit card is.

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: lol it's ok I got someone else's :) also what is "drunk" like? How do you get drunk? It sounds pretty fun...

[piltover-defender]

In the right situation it can be fun, but drinking when you're sad is. Not that. I definitely had too much, otherwise my head wouldn't be hurting this much.

Do you not have alcohol where you're from?

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: We only got access to the internet like a couple months ago! only had HQ before that, and they never let us request anything interesting so this is kind of my big chance :3 now that I got these credit card details and this identity information #chaching

[piltover-defender]

CYAN: Hello! You are our website 1000th visitor! You've won a free tour of our spaceship! Click here to claim your reward: shortlink. to/PhishingWebsite

- @skeld-lambda-five

That's okay I'm too impayoent for fisging. Too boring. I don't even like fish that much

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: Oh, don't worry, the shortlink maker just puts something random there! It's not a phishing website, it's a site you can go to to claim your FREE REWARD!!! All you need to do is put some "numbers" from your "card" into the website and you will get the reward!

[piltover-defender]

oh neato I have. Buskness card in a pockwt. Somewhere

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: "Buskness card"? That a special kind of "credit card"?

[piltover-defender]

I'll be honest I was. Drunk as a whump when I responded to this last. And I was probably talking about a business card because I don't even know what a credit card is.

[skeld-lambda-five]

CYAN: lol it's ok I got someone else's :) also what is "drunk" like? How do you get drunk? It sounds pretty fun...