Shigaraki can be IMPOSSIBLE, at times. When he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t. He’ll fight tooth and nail, petulantly, like a child – the weight of their loss has settled and pressed on their shoulders … and no one has lost more than Shigaraki has. It isn’t that Himura isn’t sympathetic, he is – but if Shigaraki begins to let go, let’s himself waste at all, the chaos will only waterfall down through the ranks.
“ You lost a lot of blood today. Your blood pressure in and of itself is probably bad … and your blood sugar too. Both of those come with a risk of seizures or coma, if not properly treated … it’s fine, if you can’t eat right now. But you have to eat something later. “ He’s soft spoken and careful, testing and pushing boundaries – Himura has never been afraid of Shigaraki. Never shied from touch or from demand. If he dies, he dies – if Shigaraki decides he should … then that’s how he’ll leave this world.
He reaches, brushing his fingers through damp curls. “ a loss is a loss. We’ve been facing a lot of those lately. But no one has lost faith in you – we’ll try again, when we’ve regrouped. When we’ve healed. But you can’t do that if you don’t take care of yourself … “ ( Losing Dabi, he thinks, might have been the straw that broke them – Shigaraki in particular, he isolated for a while … Himura knows there was something going on there. It had never been his place to ask. )
( He’s never used Shigaraki’s first name before – he’s been invited too plenty of times, by kurogiri and toga both, insisting that Shigaraki wouldn’t mind or that it might invite the … closeness that Himura feels to be genuinely acknowledged – as if Shigaraki could be unaware of it. … Right ? )
𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙶𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙺𝙸 𝚂𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰𝚂 𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚂, eyes slid closed. The hand in his hair is a welcome addition though, and Himura only means it to be a passing connection but Shigaraki chases his hand for a moment once the connection is broken before he returns back to his settled hunch.
He knows this isn't the end, but part of him wishes it could be.
Existence is so tiring. Life just keeps on going. Tomura doesn't want to kill himself by any means, nor does he want to BE killed- but it feels as if his existence has been hurdle after hurdle. He's tired of gritting his teeth and bearing it. He's tired of hearing people say he's strong enough to get through it as if that's some sort of reassurance. He's not worried that he won't get back on his feet again ... he doesn't want to. He's weary of this cycle.
Ah, if only staying down didn't mean defeat.
Tomura exhales heavily through his nose, eyes still closed. " I'm tired, Himura. " He starts. " And I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. Maybe I've lost my passion ... Maybe it's only momentary ... But I ... What am I even doing here? "