hello there @skintealol - Tumblr Blog

You have no idea how many things are working in your favour right now. Don't give up. Persist with your vision. trust.

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i am beautiful. i am disgusting. everybody is lucky to meet me. nobody can stand dealing with me. i am worthless. i am perfect. i am numb. i have experienced 20 moods in 2 minutes. i hate everybody. i love everybody. i’ve never done anything wrong in my entire life. all i do is fuck things up. i consumed 5,000 calories in 10 minutes. i haven’t eaten in three days.

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I’m just gonna start posting my journal on here; enjoy 🚬☕️

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every time I meet an eccentric older woman who lives out in the middle of nowhere I’m like ok fine maybe I do have a future and dont need to kill myself at 25

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If I get any fatter then this idk what im gonna do. Its so disgusting. Im disgusting. The sad thing is though is that even when I was at my skinniest and starving, I was still fat.

I still had broad shoulders.

I still had fat thighs that rubbed till they bled.

I still had an undesirable body.

No matter what I do it will never be enough. Ill never look good. Ill never look hot. Ill never look pretty or skinny or dainty.

Its so fucking exhausting that it makes me want to die.

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inside me there are two wolves

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mary jane (the shoe) inspo — not my photos, all found on my pinterest <333

these are on the top of my christmas list 💌

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“You ache. You ache all over. You are aching to be you, but you’re scared of what it means to do so.”

— Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water (via antigonick)

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having an ed is being triggered someones colder than u r

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

ok from now on:

breakfast: 9am or 10am. no excuses, if i miss it, i miss it.

lunch: 4pm or 5pm. same deal.

dinner: before 10pm.

no snacks! no snacks! no snacks!

#mine #lose weight #tw ed thoughts #getting skiny #ed blog #ana rules