i have not been clean in months; i just don't know how to ask for help.
i think, though, that help has to be deserved and i have never been very deserving so i have to figure it out myself. i just wish i wasn't so alone.
it's kind of selfish; to wish someone else to know your suffering and regret. although, i never claimed to be a good person, i just wish i was.
i think that's why i haven't been clean. i'm making up for all of my "bad" after pretending to be good and to be loved.
what an idiot.














