Skypengu1n

[Description]

[sapphling]

it's possible to die from not getting a little kiss

[animentality]

[rickybabyboy]

do you knowed who can be under there?

[rickybabyboy]

thats right!

[tragbarerpanzrabwehrkomplexfagot]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How did it get up there

[piratekayte]

It’s difficult to tell - typically light fixtures are installed using some combination of screws and brackets to affix them to the wall, but in this case the actual point of connection is obscured by a cat.

[slightly-sigilant]

fuckin based and also really fuckin funny, thank you FBG

[slightly-sigilant]

reblogs this old viral post because their ai transparency statements continue to be incredible

[inbabylontheywept]

there is a stripper pole in my attic. i saw it in a dumpster one day, and i went, shit, this is exactly the kind of thing my wife would want. and i didnt really want it in the house, what with it being a used stripper pole lightly seasoned with dumpster juice, but i mentally decided that if she were to see it and ask for it, i would say she could have it, and then sure enough, later that evening, she went soooo baaaaaaaabs there's this thing by the dumpster and i want it but i get it if you don't want it in the house but i have to show it to you- and i went, no you dont, you can have the pole, and that was the most surprised i have ever made her look. even compared to the day when i proposed to her, which she was prepared enough that we both knew she would say yes, and she could also get her hair done up and have a cute outfit, but not so prepared that she was not fucking flabbergasted by the 12 empty decoy ringboxes i sprung on her. i handed her so many decoy ring boxes that day. still one of the funniest things i've ever done to her.

anyway we like pacing around together and ranting in the attic but sometimes instead of pacing one of us will just hang on the pole and spin, and the other person will watch on the beanbag, which makes for these really goofy conversations where the person on the bag will say something that gets the other persons goat, such as, hypothetically, that xylophones do not belong in rock music, and then the other person will go on a tirade about this, but they'll actually only be facing the Hot Take Speaker half of the time, what because of the pole, so the response will sound something like

I can't believe

you would even suggest such

a stupid opinion. You've

been to a Danny Elfman

concert! How can you

have heard Oingo Boingo

live and say with a straight face

that they alone do not justify

rock and roll xylophones

and then that person will continue until they get too dizzy, then they'll get off the pole, and by unspoken agreement, the person on the bag will get up and trade places with them to deliver their rebuttal while also spinning and it just creates this sort of crazy strip-court lawyers debating absolute nonsense for no reason kind of vibe that frankly just really does it for us.

i don't really have any marriage advice for this i guess its just a look at what being married can look like. i thought that being married would involve a lot more stuff like carving the turkey, or barbecuing, or watching the sunset, and if id known how much time it would involve arguing for xylphones in rock music while spinning upside down i might have prepared for it a little differently.

[foldingfittedsheets]

The common thread for me is: I’ve absolutely seen something by the dumpster that I couldn’t countenance leaving there but I’m apology not permission kind of person so I just took it.

Then I called my wife to be like, “Look, there was something by the dumpster and it was unacceptable to leave it there—“

“The painting.”

“…yes.”

“Okay but like. Where did you put it? Because the painting in question was massive.

“The garage. I promise I’ll sell it, but it has brushstrokes! It’s not a print, someone painted this!”

“I know. I knew as soon as I saw it that you’d do this. I’m not mad.”

So I think marriage is knowing what your spouse is gonna want from in front of a dumpster and forgiving them for whatever follows.

[bucketofdeltav]

I never got married and never will (I'm allergic) but my longest-term relationship so far has involved

Taking over fully a quarter of the back yard with what started as a vegetable patch and is currently a wild jungle of collards and courgettes and lemongrass and puha and black nightshade (on purpose) and then I moved overseas and they continue to weed the vetch and swan plants out of the jungle in case I come back

THEY grab ME things from the dumpster that they think I will like, so far including seventeen slightly damp Folio Edition books, half a bicycle that we proceeded to turn into a unicycle, a box of perfectly nice beakers, three litres of nitric acid, and my favourite cardigan:

In return I aid and abet them in blowing things up, albeit remotely now, and in turning the entire hallway into a passable simulacrum of a railway tunnel to complement the painting that hangs at the end, and in making star-map curtains and wall-hangings for the bedroom manually with glow-in-the-dark glitter glue and black velvet when we couldn't find any commercially.

Finding your people is pretty great. Dumpster diving optional.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Fallen London is sooooo funny because rn I'm supposed to become the governor of a colony and build a submarine and I was renowned for writing plays and novels in the Empress's court until I was exiled in disgrace and I was also briefly a university professor in the field of Eldritch Bullshit until I got fired for solving a murder in a way that was inconvenient to university politics and two different devils want to fuck me steal my soul so bad it makes them look stupid but at the end of the day my actual legal job is. rat catcher 🐀

[catasters]

[catasters]

[slightly-sigilant]

in fl, there is an extremely cold place.

the only thing standing between you and the cold is a single stove.

to increase the heat output of the stove, you can weld lead plates covered in a burning eldritch language onto it.

if you stick enough eldritch words onto the stove, it gains sentience and runs away.

you can then hunt down and capture the stove, at which point you'll have to decide what to do with it.

one of the things you can do is fix it up so it's better-equipped to travel the world, and let it go.

doing this gives you a quality called "liberator of stoves".

this quality does absolutely nothing.

you can do this multiple times, and it will increase your "liberator of stoves" quality every time.

the quality will continue to do absolutely nothing.

so naturally, there are a number of players who have made it their personal mission to raise it as high as possible

[sealsdaily]

Today's Sea Lion Is: The Gamer

[softgrlfriend]

that’s enough emotions for a whole year. ciao

[insertchaoticenbyname]

The earlier in the year you reblog this the better it gets

[targetedknowledge]

[muppetshow2026]

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

[bisexual-engineer-girl]

ChatGPT? You mean the malevolent oracle?

[painty-pup]

I'm a Java programmer all of Oracle is malevolent to me

[nyancrimew]

im still a virgin actually if you consider that sex isn't real

[brine-patchfelt]

It’s the neon future. I search up “correspondence sigil to attract more tumblr mutuals tutorial”. Immediately get blocked from using the internet by the ministry of public decency for 5 minutes. I install a free vpn and open the dark web. Search up “correspondence sigil to attract more tumblr mutuals tutorial”. I find a video titled “<3333 SIGIL STEP BY STEP GUIDE PLATONIC VERSION” with 6 views and no likes. Close enough. It’s a shitty 240p slideshow presentation that displays each individual stroke of the sigil for 5 seconds along with some text about how it connects to the previous stroke?? I guess even here they can’t show the finished sigil. I follow the tutorial and read it. Black out. When I come to, im standing in the middle of my room. There’s amber all over the walls and I’ve gained 2 levels of shapeling anatomy. I check my computer. 783 notifications. Most recent one was from the ministry of public decency, just over an hour ago: “Your livestream has been forcibly ended due to major conduct violations.” I think I hear sirens outside. Fuck.