Thoughts of a locked hubby @skyrocket6699 - Tumblr Blog

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.

More Teasing Ideas

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity. There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style. You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take his eyes off you!

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by. The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes you.

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”, “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance. For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will drive him crazy like nothing else.

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get back in the tube!

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity device.

International Chastity Day

14th January being a month before Valentines day. Locking those cocks now and start the month of tease and denial in preparation for a huge release on the 14th Feb or will it?

vanilla-edge

My own chastity story

I’ve mentioned that a few years ago my wife and I tried some chastity play for a while. It started off as “just for a couple of weeks,” and when a couple of weeks went by, we (and yes, it was a “we” decision, we’re not into any serious D/s) thought we’d go for a month. The month turned into two, then three and then six, and it ended up being almost 8 ½ months of 24/7 wear in my CB3000. Although I was unlocked for sex periodically, I was not allowed to have an orgasm during that entire time. Since it was mostly her idea in the first place – we had been looking for a kink to experiment with and that seemed to grab her fancy – I went along with any decision she made about it, just so she could get comfortable with the idea.

At first, she unlocked me a couple of times a week to have sex, and then I would clean up and we would replace the cage. After a month or so, we invested in a good strap-on harness and a good silicone dildo, and my unlockings became less frequent, several times it being four, five, or six weeks running. She prefers penetration over oral, so the harness really worked well for her. When the time came for our agreement to end, we were in the middle of some marital differences, so we put away the toys for a bit. We thought about playing once in a while, but frankly, after 8 months, going for a couple of weeks just didn’t seem quite as exciting, so we didn’t bother with it for a while.

Anyway, about seven or eight months after we had ended the last session, my wife left for a trip to visit some family for a week. I stayed home because of work (and because I enjoy my alone time anyway). So after spending the first day masturbating a few times out of boredom, I dug out the CB3k, cleaned it off and locked it on myself. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for me to get used to it again, so I left it on for the rest of the week. When it came time to head to the airport to pick her up, I was going to remove it, but at the last minute decided to leave it on. I got the bags, we had dinner, and she didn’t discover it until we got home. She felt it against her leg, but didn’t say anything until later on when we went to bed. She then asked why I had put it on and how long I’d worn it (just for the hell of it, and all week). We talked and then made out for a few minutes, and that’s when I discovered something: she was wet. No, I don’t mean the moistness that women get when they’re aroused; I mean literally dripping down her legs with excitement.

I made love to her with my fingers and my mouth for a while, maybe 20 or 30 minutes, and then she asked me to put on the harness. I entered her, slowly at first, resting my weight on her and remembering how to angle myself for her pleasure. By this time I was rock-hard inside my cage, my balls were tight against the ring, everything straining to be free. I found my rhythm, and brought her to a tremendous climax literally within a minute. I slowed to give her time to breathe, and she indicated that I should keep going. As I continued my slow, deep thrusts, she began talking to me – something she rarely does during lovemaking – asking me how it felt to be locked up again, telling me that she missed me inside the device, and telling me how hot it made her to feel the dildo deep inside her with my hard cock inside the cage bumping into her ass. In no time at all she was coming again. And again. And again. It seemed that each time was more powerful than the last. Finally, I whispered in her ear that I didn’t want her to allow me to come that night, that I would stay locked up because it was obviously making her so hot, and she came so suddenly and so hard that she gave herself a headache. We relaxed for a few minutes and then went to sleep. Well, at least she did – I was awake for a while longer, trying to calm down.

We had things to do during the week, so we didn’t even get a chance to talk, let alone have a repeat of that first night. But finally the weekend came, and Friday night found us freshly showered and in bed, our bodies hot against each other. I reminded her that I hadn’t come in over two weeks, and in response, she placed my hand on her mound so I could again feel how wet she had become just thinking about my frustration that week. No oral tonight, she asked me to put the harness on right away, and we spent the next hour in some more serious lovemaking. Again, I noted how turned on she seemed to be, and she kept repeating that she was getting off more and more on the idea of having me locked up. And that’s when it started to come out; she whispered that she wanted to keep me locked up even longer than the last time, to not even let me out for a moment. Each time she mentioned it brought her to another climax, and by the end of the evening she was as worn out as I’d ever seen her. She went right to sleep from sheer exhaustion, while I lay awake for a while, not just from my own frustrated arousal, but also from this new development on her part. Was she really serious?

A few days later I began to get an idea of just how serious she was. We went to bed early one night, and began kissing and fondling each other, and she said that because she was tired, she only wanted me to take her with the dildo for five or ten minutes. So during our lovemaking, I asked her how serious she was about not letting me out and about going for longer than last time. Nine months? Ten? Perhaps a year? She started to respond that the idea of my agreeing to go for a year was so hot… and she climaxed right in the middle of her sentence! Oh yes, she was serious; she’d love to see me frustrated, to know that I’d be aroused and excited all the time just for her. Our “five or ten minutes” soon turned into 45, and again she fell asleep out of exhaustion. Needless to say, I was awake – again – for quite some time.

Fortunately, we managed to make time for each other a couple of days later, and I tried to keep our lovemaking slow and paced. I asked her how serious she was, and each time she kept responding that she wanted me to stay locked up for a long time. Then she asked the tough question: Did I want to know how long? I thought about it, and told her no, I didn’t want to know – I was willing to leave it completely at her discretion. Oh, how that sent her into a series of short, fast orgasms; and when she was done, she asked me to tell her again, to beg her to keep me locked up. Each time I told her that I didn’t want to come sent waves of pleasure through her like I’d never seen. She even suggested that we make a replica of my own cock, so that she’d never have a reason to allow me to be out, and I told her that we could check blowfish.com for something, since they had several that were very natural looking. She wondered how I’d feel about being “replaced”, and of course, I told her that as long as I was keeping her satisfied, it was good enough for me. Ah yes, that was the right answer, and she soon finished, exhausted and happy.

Needless to say, by the end of the week we had checked the Blowfish site and had decided on the Bent Realistic (medium) because it seemed to be the closest thing to my own natural shape and size. I spent the money for the expedited shipping, and soon found just how closely it resembled me – close enough to make her very excited and me very nervous. We couldn’t wait to try it out, though, and soon I was half proud and half jealous of this new addition. The large head stimulated her better than the dildo we had been using, and best – or maybe worst – of all, she kept saying how much it felt just like my own cock. I found that I could position it just a little lower on my hips, and before long my wife was whispering in my ear thoughts and fantasies of keeping me locked in the device for longer and longer periods, of not ever allowing me to come, of forever feeling my cage pressed against her ass while I filled her with my new silicone “friend”. And each time she whispered a new fantasy brought her another wave of pleasure, another climax, and another satisfied sigh.

We finished with her asking me to lay on my back so she could ride me. This is my favorite position because I enjoy watching her. As she pressed herself onto me, I felt the stirrings of a “release”, what I call it when my body is about to release its semen without an orgasm. I told her what was happening, and she paused and asked me to stop. It was very difficult because I’d gotten so completely turned on from pleasuring her, but I managed to hold on. When I was back in control, she told me that she didn’t even want me to release unless she gave me permission, perhaps once a month or so. She continued to move her hips on me, slowly, just enough to keep herself aroused, but not quite enough to come. She told me that she found herself even more excited this time around than the previous session, and while she couldn’t explain what the attraction was to her, it became obvious that she had developed a serious kink, perhaps even a fetish for this. As she worked herself into the last climax of the night, she confessed that the hottest thing in the world at the moment was knowing that I was caged, frustrated, and aroused just for her. She said that she was serious about not allowing me to come, and in fact, about not even allowing me out of the cage for at least six months and probably for a year, to a year and a half – right up until the summer. Could I handle it?

I don’t know.

Could I?

Could you?

the-dominant-wife

Hi I noticed a recent post of yours where you were rightly bragging rather wonderfully about how you can make your hubwife cum from pegging.

https://at.tumblr.com/the-dominant-wife/703933322795024384/dl9enqoe7t1i

I wondered whether you could elaborate and maybe share your approach, techniques and equipment you use to achieve this?

My submissive is in p.a secured chastity on a permanent basis and I have no desire to unlock him, I use him sexually to provide me with oral on demand but he will never be permitted to have penetrative sex with me. I may decide to cuck him in the future but for now his talented, eager tounge is very efficient and well trained at this point so my need to replace his penis is not currently a priority or need of mine.

I've decided that the most suitable and appropriate way for @female-leds-boy (my submissive) to orgasm on a strictly controlled monthly basis should be while still secured in chastity and from me pegging him. I've so far been unsuccessful after numerous attempts and would very much appreciate any advice or techniques you might be able to share with me. It's my desire he should only ever cum for me this way.

Thank you in advance.

In admiration and respect of your FLR.

MS xx

Thank you for what is clearly a well-thought out question. I also think it's admirable that you're being so considerate of your submissive and his needs while at the same time establishing parameters that fit your needs!

Chastity doesn't mean someone can't enjoy orgasms. Sure, they won't be orgasms that a more alpha male will have, but nonetheless, it's an orgasm and one befitting of their status.

I'll share what I've found works for me and in turn, works for her/hubwife :)

First let me say that I make love to my hubwife this way (pegging) because I find it enjoyable. I do take her feelings into consideration but my enjoyment is the primary motivating factor to "fucking" my wife. Her enjoyment is really a by-product of my own.

Also, her orgasms are never "guaranteed." In other words, she doesn't orgasm every time I make love to her. I would say that it happens probably about 60-70% of the time. Here's a list of things to consider:

Finger Fuck Your Sub: The first thing I would recommend is your (the Domme) becoming familiar with your submissive's prostate. Using plenty of lubricant and your finger, do some exploring of his boi-pussy. If you find it too messy use some latex gloves...make believe you're a doctor doing a prostate exam...lol. Get in the mood with him, get him to relax, and gently "do your thing" and see if you can bring him to orgasm this way. It might take time but it can be lots of fun. Here's a link to WebMd that discusses the prostate and orgasms. I think it would be very helpful: Prostate Orgasm: What is it?

The Strap-on Dildo: Once you've enjoyed finger-fucking him, it's time to move on to doing it with your "girl-cock!" While women love a man-sized cock, a boi's pussy isn't made the same way as ours. It might make for great pornography, but the pictures of Dommes with massive sized dildos is simply not realistic or for that matter, safe. Find a realistic looking dildo (don't ever buy one that is hollow plastic) that is of reasonable size, sturdy and somewhat flexible. It shouldn't cost a fortune, but to look for the cheapest either. You get what you pay for. Shop around, read reviews, etc. If possible shop in person. Big cities have fetish shops that usually have quality toys.

The Harness: Next, don't skimp when you buy a harness. Shopping online is ok, but I bought the harness I use in person, at a fetish shop that sold quality leather goods and other toys. You want something that is going to fit you comfortably and can be worn securely. The dildo you use also has to be attached securely. You want to be able to "go through the motions" naturally without things becoming loose or flapping around! Bottom line is: Get quality toys.

Lubricant: More important than anything else is to make sure you use plenty of it. "More than you really need" is always better. In my opinion, thicker lube is better. You may want to explore by trying out a few different ones. It's worth the effort and time, and it's not like you can't have fun with the exploration. Here's a link from Women's Health Magazine reviewing different lubes: 19 Best Lubes for Anal Sex, per Sex Therapists.

Technique & Positions: I've been able to give my hubwife orgasm in different positions. Variety is good and it might depend on your own mood. I like the missionary or "diaper" position because it lets me look into her eyes when I'm making love to her. I've done it a couple of ways both when we're both on the bed or with her at the edge of the bed while I'm standing on the floor. The diaper position is probably my favorite. Doggie style is good for when I'm feeling more dominant, getting her on all fours and slapping her girlish ass at the same time, maybe grabbing her hips as I thrust into her (I'm getting a little horny just writing this...lol). You'd also be surprised at how well you can penetrate your submissive lying side by side, you behind him in a spooning position. Again, explore them all.

When it comes to technique, take it slow. While you're the Domme and in charge, this shouldn't be a rape scene for the two of you. Though he will experience some "fullness" and different feelings, it shouldn't be a painful experience for him/her. Be sensual about it. Tease him gently with the tip of your well lubed "cock" rubbing against his pretty little rosebud. Penetration should be slow. Go back and forth just a little bit at a time. Don't be in a hurry to go deep all at once. Note that the aforementioned finger fucking I recommended will be a big help when it comes to developing your own technique. You'll know when the tip of your "cock" brushes up close to your sub's prostate. Be patient. You'll get there!

Set the mood: Know what turns your submissive on. Be tactile if necessary. Words matter....be verbal with them. If you're a good dominant, you already know how to push their buttons. Now's the perfect time to use that knowledge. In my case, I honestly believe that my words are what really set her off. I may tell her what a good fuck she is, make her beg for my cock, etc. It could be a blend of sexy talk, humiliation or whatever works for both of you. The mood you're in is incredibly important. Remember, the brain is the most powerful sex organ, it's there that all orgasms begin and are enjoyed!

Other Toys: Something else you may want to experiment with, particularly in the beginning of your "journey" is the use of a vibrator against her chastity cage as you are penetrating her. It's a form of masturbation I suppose, but it will bring her to orgasm most times. Maybe consider it a treat!

Preparation: This is something that isn't discussed very much. It's hard to get comfortable and difficult to enjoy yourself if your submissive's rectum isn't ready. You get what I'm talking about. If you're planning a lovemaking session with your submissive ahead of time, you might want to make them douche. It'll be worth it. If you're into making love this way regularly, make sure they are on a healthy diet that is high in fiber. Here's another link from WebMD: Anal Douching: What to Know

As you can see there are several factors that in my opinion, are necessary to consider if you want to enjoy pegging your submissive and bring him to orgasm. In many ways it is a trial and error process but a worthwhile one as you figure out what works for you. Providing a chastised male, sissy, hubwife etc. is a beautiful thing - a gift they will certainly appreciate.

Best of luck. I'd love to hear how you progress!

female-led-couple

Oh wow, that's such a detailed, though out response with external refrance and links, thank you for your time with this, I appreciate it. I will definitely keep you updated and tag you in any future developments. I want him so desperate after a month or so of strict denial he's begging for a pegging because he knows that's all he's getting 😁.

Thanks again, that's great advice.

MS xx

( Furiously scribbles notes ) 😆

skyrocket6699

@flower192 thought this is a very well written and very well explained. My biggest take aways are: take our time, patience and exploration are key.

themodernmarriage

Orgasm Control: A List of Benefits

I get a lot of questions about the benefits for me and for my husband about the benefits of structured orgasm control as part of addressing the issue of “mismatched libidos” in heterosexual relationships. For many people, as soon as they make a start on this journey, a range of benefits become clear pretty quickly. So, in this case, I believe the requests for providing a list benefits are for people who are still in the process of deciding if this approach is for them.

The short answer is - yes, your life (and sex life) will change for the better. Give it a try.

The second short answer - yes, use a chastity cage. While it is possible to practise orgasm control without one, the benefits for you, but especially for him, of using a chastity cage are exponential. Perhaps the list of benefits below will elucidate why:

Control vs Neglect

In most heterosexual, long-term relationships, women have a significantly lower sex drive than their male partners. Men have less sex than they would ideally like. In this sense, marriage means that females control the allocation of sex. Already. However, without a deliberate structure and communication around the element of this control, the mismatched libido is interpreted by the male as ‘neglect’ or the feeling of not being desired. This can drive the male to pornography, masturbation or ‘nagging for sex’, which puts unwanted pressure on you, and is a serious turn-off.

When orgasm control is discussed and structured as part of the couple’s sexual dynamic, the male’s perception moves from being ‘neglected’ to ‘controlled’. The latter is highly arousing, and the sexual dynamics flips on its head. By controlling his sexual release, you as a couple are indicating that it has a ‘value’ far greater than when he is simply free to masturbate at will. His greatest physical reward, and the oxytocin, bonding, dopamine rush that follows becomes linked to you, not to Pornhub.

More Sex, More Orgasms (For YOU)

Orgasm control is about controlling the MALE orgasm, not yours. The worst thing you can do is be sexually inactive between release windows. Rather just call the whole thing off now - it will not work.

Rather, you can and should have frequent orgasms - and he will love giving them to you. My partner and I have sex frequently outside of his release window. I unlock him and we have standard sex - the only difference is that he is not allowed to cum. He goes slower, uses toys, users his hands and tongue - whatever he needs to do to follow the rules - and I can deliciously and *selfishly* enjoy it. Once we're done, he is locked back up until next time.

This is what he expects and desires - don't feel bad for one second. Stop thinking in the old school "Sex is about the male being satisfied" mindset. It is mindblowing for him in every way - both mentally and physically.

Reigniting the Desire

As has been said on this blog before, males are programmed to ‘move on’ emotionally after ejaculating. Orgasm leads to a spike in prolactin which is a ‘shut off valve’ for intimacy and sexual desire. Frequent masturbation is therefore a total intimacy killer. Controlling the male orgasm leads to increases in oxytocin focused on you as his key objects of desire. He is heavily sexually aroused and his desire for you will skyrocket. Now, he is fully aware that he can’t do anything about it until his scheduled release, so it translates as increased intimacy, and increased energy for other things.

No Pressure for Sex

Modern marriages are defined by women ‘feeling bad’ every time they are not up for sex. The perception of old-world society is that it is the women’s duty to provide sex whenever the male desires. With chastity and orgasm control, this is completely reversed. Sex is not the goal, and the ongoing sexual rush of the denial is what the male will savor the most.

We have PIV (penis in vagina) sex frequently. Most often this is outside of his release window, so he knows that he is not allowed to orgasm, and after I am finished, he is re-locked. It's a mind-screw and a challenge for him, but he absolutely LOVES it!

Chastity is Effortless

With him in chastity, I can do all of this without really having to do much. A bit of attention here and there, a bit of teasing and he is at a constant, positive simmer. It is about communication, structure and commitment.

Release Days are Effortless

When I do allow him an orgasm, this too can be as effortless as you could possibly imagine. On release days, his excitement is so high that bringing him to climax can take as little as a few seconds. This is about “release” - after weeks locked up he will not be able to last very long. Sometimes he will cum just by taking the cage off... In which case, job done 😂.

I usually start by having him bring me to orgasm as usual - with his tongue, hands or a toy. Now it's his turn (for once!).

First decision - do you want him to have his release while in the cage or unlocked?

Caged: it's about balls and nipples. I recommend one hand plays with his nips while the other pulls, squeezes and strokes his balls. Then begin tapping his balls at a regular rhythm, building intensity slowly. Tell him he has permission to cum... Keep tapping and in a few minutes he will come to the edge. He is to ask permission one more time before he about to cum. As he is coming, tap / slap harder until he is finished.

Unlocked: Take off the cage, grip his balls tightly and pull them away from his body, back and forth. Try to touch his nub as little as possible. At most, use a slow, infrequent stroke with a single finger from the base of his nub up the shaft to the tip. He must ask permission just as he is about to cum. At this point, tighten your grip and pull his balls away from his body and hold them there until he is finished.

Tip 1: If you do unlock him for release, always relock directly after he orgasms. This significantly reduces the "drop" he will experience after orgasm and will push him through the 2-3 grouchiness period much smoother. He loves it if I put the cage on him, but if you prefer he locks himself, straight after his release, firmly tell him that it's time to go back in the cage.

Tip 2: Feed it to him! Tell him to clean up with his tongue or at least lick it off your hand. Recycling is important 😂.

Cages Look Sexy

I think of chastity cages as jewellery which is very aesthetically pleasing. Unlocked penises flop about, lean to one side, grow and shrink unpredictably and are often pretty badly manicured. When locked in a cage, everything is so neat. Males will need to do a bit of gardening down there to make it as comfortable as possible. Everything is held in place. His nub is encased and immobilized. His balls are held tight and presented forward. He will want to wear tight underwear or swimwear for comfort purposes, which presents such a neat little package. Every time I see the cage I am reminded that he is doing this for me, and I get a little shiver down my spine. It just looks better, and I love it!

Arousal on Demand

Males think about sex all the time. The vast majority of sexual thoughts and corresponding erections go completely ignored. When locked in chastity, these sexual thoughts (and erections) are contained, and are linked to you as the keyholder. This is highly arousing for the male, and will feel like direct attention from you - even though you may not even be in the same postcode. The cage works for you full-time, and is there whenever the male is aroused. Extremely powerful!

Discipline

The chastity cage helps males to stick to the rules. Most males masturbate significantly more than you will ever imagine. For the vast majority, they will NEVER have gone 21 days or more without masturbating since they first discovered it in their teens. With a cage, masturbation is simply off the table. They must direct this energy elsewhere. Which leads to :

Weight Loss and Conditioning

All of this extra energy must go somewhere, and in most cases, this is directed to physical exercise and conditioning. Many women report that time in chastity has lead to significant weight loss and body sculpting in their males. Motivation and drive are seriously tangible chastity benefits that you will notice as little as 7 days in.

Service

Oxytocin is the courting hormone. Increases in this wonder drug caused by orgasm control will often lead to a far more focused, attentive and service-oriented mentality. Whether conscious on his part or not, I notice a happier, more helpful male, with a higher attention-to-detail and eagerness to please. Use this as you see fit!

A Better Sex Life

Most importantly, chastity and orgasm denial will improve your sex life. Sex does not equate to penetration anymore, although it certainly can if you wish. Unlock him at any point in the schedule for sex of you're keen for it - it's just that outside of the release window, he will have to find a way not to orgasm. You are the focus until his release date!

Most importantly, "sex" in long-term marriages is about sexual interaction - intimacy, honesty, communication and care. This is why you are doing this in the first place. Rewire your thinking as a couple, and become a highly engaged, balanced and aligned sexual partnership.

Conclusions

These are just some of the many benefits that are associated with the exciting journey of male orgasm control. Drop some more in the comments and I can add to this ever-growing list.

themodernmarriage

Introducing Male Chastity Play

My name is Ella, I am 36 years old and I work for an insurance company. My husband, deliberately not named, is 37 years old and works as a senior engineer. We have been happily married for 12 years, with two daughters, and I am created this site to share my experiences and advice for Tease and Denial and Male Chastity. (If you are not married, please mentally replace husband with boyfriend when reading this website, it all applies just the same.) As you are reading this website, I am assuming your husband or boyfriend has told you that he wants to try something called male chastity play with you, or you have heard about it somewhere and have suggested it to him. Either you have found this website through a search engine, or you have been sent the link. Your first reaction probably was surprise. Why would he want chastity? What does he want me to do?

Step 1: relax! When you read through these paragraphs (I kept it short, I promise!) you will understand why chastity is a fun, exciting idea for the two of you to try. You may find it’s simply that - a fun game to spice things up in your sex life. You may also find that male chastity brings a new closeness and renewed desire to you as a couple. Before you continue reading, make sure you have nothing else planned for a little while and that you are not distracted by anything. Relax, take your time, and try to be as open-minded as you can.

To get started, I recommend reading this 101 article. You will need to make notes - digitally or on paper, as to do this properly there are some things you need to choose and then write down.

After this 101, I do recommend you read through subsequent articles linked here, as there is more detail on some key topics, and the more you know, the better you will be at this!

But… First, what is male chastity play?

Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis, and then he gives the key to his partner, making her what is called a “keyholder”. Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate or get an erection. In chastity play, the keyholder (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a day or five times a year. The ‘game’ of it is the transmission of ‘power’ regarding his sexual pleasure.

You may not typically be the ‘dominant’ sexual partner in the relationship, but in chastity play it is essential that you assume this position - even if you are just acting or role-playing initially until it becomes the norm. He is not giving you inanimate metal keys - he’s giving you possession to his sexual release and the position of power. Enjoy it! Embrace it and take charge.

I have always felt that being well informed about something enables you to do it well. There is a lot on the internet on chastity, and there are several internet forums and chat rooms which seem to start up and die down as people move around. I have communicated over the years with over two dozen wives who keep their husbands locked. I have met several of them in person and the one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits of chastity for their husbands were incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. There was a Canadian newspaper article in 2019 stating that 6% of men are caged with the key given to their wife. This just goes to show that male chastity is less rare than you probably thought and there is a lot of it being practiced, probably by some of your girlfriends.

There are two major types of chastity - ‘play’ and ‘lifestyle’. Play is relatively short term and used as part of sex play and diversity. Short term, in my view, falls into the category of 2-week to 3-month lock ups. This is where most couples’ chastity journeys start. It’s vital that the first lockup is at least 2-3 weeks, and is 24 hours a day for that period. Read why here. No 'nighttime only’ or 'daytime only’ - the lockup period must be erection and orgasm free.

Even in short term play, chastity has to be a 24/7 thing. 24/7 is the foundation; it is the most positive/enjoyable/effective because the cage is a constant reminder about the power exchange. Most of the day, the male will forget about it and only be subconsciously aware that anything is different. However when they do get a tingle of sexual excitement - for whatever reason, Boom - they are reminded that their erections (and more importantly, sexual release) belongs to you. That’s what’s fun about Tease and Denial (T&D). Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. But it’s a little secret you two share - a fun, slightly ‘naughty’ way to mix up the relationship’s ‘sexual dominance’.

What are the benefits of Male Chastity?

The motivation why a couple would want to begin with male chastity play is straightforward: It is simply a sexual fantasy or sexual experimentation to mix things up. With the dramatic rise in popularity in chastity play over the last five years - with story arcs in mainstream media (Californication), articles in The Independent, Cosmopolitan, Vice…), it may have piqued their interest as something fun to try.

he large global movement called “Locktober” is practically everywhere, and is an entry point for many males and females who want to experiment in this way.

Or it is a matter of circumstance that allows for a different style of sexual ‘play’ - long distance relationships, work trips or other reasons where vanilla lovemaking is limited/not possible.

For males, chastity play can be very VERY exciting. For the male, chastity play is about having a relationship where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant. As part of the game, he is giving up something that is a very standard part of a male’s life, his freedom to masturbate. Young men have an abundance of testosterone, so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband losing sexual desire for at least a couple days. Male masturbation can create an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido.

Males in chastity will almost always have increased energy. Noticed he hits the gym more? Trimming the body fat? Need less sleep? More productive? Yup. Other changes will likely happen too. He will be more focused and task-oriented. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you - especially if he has asked you to be his keyholder, rather than you coming up with the idea to keep him locked. His non-stop offers of massages and oral sex are a very welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.

What do I actually ‘do’ as a Keyholder?

Chastity is just that, chastity. There is no need to entertain other kinks your husband may have if you don’t want to. In fact, it is likely that your husband doesn’t even expect you to do anything more than hold his key. Just be yourself and do what you want. It doesn’t have to become a time sink and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity.

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s erections, orgasms and his ability to play with his cock whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge turn on.

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the change of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for couples to play. The more aroused a locked male stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

Being a keyholder involves:

1. Holding the keys and controlling when and how release takes place (see links) 2. Setting and communicating your keyholding rules at the start of the first lockup. 3. Teasing - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Let’s look at some of this in more detail.

Teasing

You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Chastity with teasing keeps the arousal and positive energy / endorphins / oxytocin at ideal levels. Chastity without teasing will lead to frustration and grumpiness - pretty soon the game will be up.

So, teasing is essential to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. It’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making the (bedroom) decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how often you should test him, unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom. I would suggest you give it a try and then just go with the flow.

Teasing Ideas

So how do you do ‘teasing’? I don’t mean making fun of him. We’re not in middle school. I mean turning him on, only it’s teasing because he can’t get hard, let alone have an orgasm. It’s the ultimate cock tease and it makes chastity play so much more satisfying for you and your man.

The great thing about male chastity play is how little effort it takes you, as the keyholder. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up. Make it a rule that he is not allowed to ask for it. In bed at night, roll over and tease for a bit. Then say goodnight. Other nights - do nothing, say nothing. That is half of the fun - for you and for him! Look at the list below and jot down some of the ones that appeal to you…

Some simple teasing ideas: 1: Non-physical - Talk about it: Talk about his chastity cage. Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times… The simple act of talking about it will drive him crazy! Men are hilarious. - Choose his underwear for him. Tell him to wear a particular color, or tell him to wear the tight white ones, the compression shorts, swimsuit… or no underwear today…whatever. You’re taking control, and that’s hot. - Tell him to sleep naked every now and again - Even wear some sexy outfits and parading around will drive him crazy!

2: Physical - Play with his balls. Even while locked, his balls are exposed, unless you have a full chastity belt where the balls are locked too. With his cock locked, his balls become infinitely more sensitive. Stroke / tickle to start, but then squeeze and pull. Then slap. Start slowly and build up the slapping in intensity, and tell him to tell you when to stop. Then start again..! Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

- Play with the Cage: while most cages do a great job of making erections and orgasms impossible, playing with his cage is a great way to tease him. If it’s an enclosed cage (better in my view) then he will not be able to feel anything at all if you are stroking it - but he will imagine it and it will blow his mind. Any exposed parts will become hyper-sensitive, so touching them or poking/licking… you name it - will drive him the best kind of crazy.

- Kissing: It’s the fastest way to turn him on and he’ll never turn it down. Even though he knows his cock is going to ache because it can’t get hard, he loves to kiss. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

- Body contact: Make him worship your body – This is an absolute must when he’s locked up. He craves your body. He craves you. Have him worship it. Have him kiss you all over. Have him give you a massage.

- Nipple play: men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

- Shower with him: Ask him to rub lotion on you or whatever you prefer. Being locked naked with you in the shower will blow his mind. - ‘Have and Hold’: If you want to unlock him as part of teasing, a fun one is to make him stand next to the bed or across the room, and unlock the cage. Once the cage is off, he is not allowed to touch his cock. He will almost certainly get hard. You carry on with reading or whatever you were doing and tell him to inform you when he has gone soft. Make the odd comment and watch to see how easily you can make him react. As soon as he is soft, tell him to relock the cage.

- Anal play: You may know that men have a P-spot near their prostate which is similar to the female G-spot, although most hetersexual males never use it. My husband is not into anal play, so I don’t have much experience there, but there are some incredible resources out there if it’s your cup of tea!

- Finally, if you want to play with his cock while unlocked as part of teasing, I’ll drop some notes on the ‘Release’ over here. Focus on edging and the touchless release (if you really want to give him a treat). Remember - teasing means no cumming. A little bit every day or every couple of days will form the foundation of your chastity play!

Basic Keyholder Rules

At the start of the first lockup, you need to set rules. Writing them down and send them to him on email or text message is the easiest. That way he has them at all times. And send them to him at work while he’s locked and you will really get him squirming! Or you can inform him in person. These are your rules and are not a discussion - he has asked you to be the keyholder, so he must play by your rules or you call the whole thing off.

The most typical rules for keyholders are as simple as this:

The Wife can choose the chastity device.

It’s not called a cock or penis or whatever when it’s locked. Come up with a name for his locked cock. Tell him that is what it is called from now on. The most common name is 'nub’, so feel free to use that. And it’s 'your’ nub, your balls etc, not his. Make sure he gets that right.

The Wife will hold the keys to the chastity device and will not make them accessible to the Husband.

The Wife decides when the Husband will be unlocked, allowed and erection, or allowed release. Separate the concept of 'unlock= orgasm or'unlock=erection’. In most cases it’s none of those.

The Husband will not ask for release and there will be no discussions about chastity unless the Wife brings it up. Infringements can be extending lockup or some other forfeit ;)

Chastity play will not intrude into the Wife’s daily life or restrict her own sexual satisfaction.

The couple will give chastity a try for at least 3 months. First timers should lockup for 3 weeks at least and then evaluate / discuss. The keyholder does not have to (and should not) tell the planned release date. Keep him guessing.

That’s it: give it a go!

Give it a shot! You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have sex freely and frequently, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!

NO-vember and Deny-cember update

Firstly, my apologies for not keeping this up today.

NO-vember ended up meaning to us no cage. Mrs @flower192 released me and let her little birdie free from November 10th

However this all changed today. Just as I thought cage time for over, she announced to me that I'm going back under her lock and key.

We both felt a bit lost with intimacy since release in November. So we definitely has seen some advantages and differences with chastity time.

So we could call this locked up 2.0

I wonder what @flower192 has in store as I think she might have some idea of what she wants this time. I would also say she is very much leading it this time too.

NO-vember day 5 update

Just a small update. Since shaving my legs under orders of @flower192. I am pleased to say this has been maintained somewhat and tights have become everyday wear.

Last night I was extremely appreciative for the tights as we were watching a firework display and my legs did not feel cold at all.. I vote for tights!!!

Locktober summary

Locktober was a success. We made it all the way. Released from the cage on 31st. The cage didn't go back in though. I was expecting it to be replaced straight away but to my surprise it wasn't.

Fast forward a few day and we were both feeling somewhat disappointed and like something was missing. I didn't want to suggest the cage again as my thinking was if she wanted me to be caged she would have done it. As she hadn't I thought that bit of us was over.

But how wrong could I be. Yesterday I was sitting at my laptop plodding with some work when suddenly out of no where I was summoned to her @flower192 . She ordered me to take off my jeans and boxers. (I was a little shocked, I was not expecting this side of her to arrive) and just like that the cage was reinstalled.

We haven't spoken about it or any goals, but I feel this time something is different. She told me that how I've been over the last few days has proved to her why the cage is important. And I agree with her. And it's not all sexual reasons. It's emotive.

It is with thanks for those blogs that she follows that has given her some inspiration and fired her up @female-led-couple @denial-permanente

denial-permanente

If your arrangement is consensual, voluntary and honor based, then why use a cage at all? It's not a rhetorical question, I have yet to find a cage that works for me and I'm wondering if I could manage without one and if that would take some of the fun out it.

There are 2 answers to this. First, I decided a long time ago that if we were going to do this cock locking thing then we were going to do it My way. I had my own lock and keys for his cage, and I decided when and how long my husband would be locked. It was always for long periods (weeks to months) not out of punishment but because I liked having the control. It clicked for me early on that locking him into a cage gave Me the control, and relying on his willpower gave him the control. No, the cages were never perfect but that was okay. They gave 99% of the control to me.

The second part is that around 15 years ago things clicked for me that I wanted ALL of the control over that part of him, not just being locked, but my allowing him to come even when he wasn't unlocked. I think he was very good about that, maybe not perfect, but good enough. 😅 So at some point I stopped allowing him to come at all. This lasted well over a year. It was very difficult for him, but after it was over I decided that I preferred the sense of power and control that I had of him wearing the cage.

You need to discuss this with your wife or partner. A lot of women get a bit weird because the cages look unnatural and like they might hurt. So show her pictures (not being worn!) and talk about what you would like and how you think it would benefit the both of you.

skyrocket6699

@flower192 what a wonderful post here. I wonder if this relates to some of your thoughts?

grumpy2017-deactivated20230101

Day 15

Day 15, here we are at the mid way point.

Wife @flower192 is proudly wearing her anklet. She feels just her knowing I'm caged isn't enough, she wants to proclaim it to those that know and understand the meaning of wearing such a pretty little item of jewellery.

#female led marriage #female led husband #Hotwife #Flr #Chastity

Day 14

Hey all. Yes I've missed a few days here and there and I apologise for this. Thankfully I am not being punished for it. This is an added extra, not a requirement of the lock up period.

One of the things was agreed was during Locktober, I shall wear the underwear that my Wife and Keyholder @flower192 wore the day before. This has been quite a tease, her scents with me for the day, seeing what I will be wearing tomorrow. It has a two fold feeling. The tease of seeing it then tomorrow the feeling of what she wore. If you're wondering.. Tomorrow is a thong.... Not the most comfortable a of underwear (ill try attach the pic if the system let's me)

Her new bodysuit turned up today. Which she has placed as her profile picture for the timebeing. A new necklace arrived to ensure the key sits nestled between her gorgeous breasts. This has a great bonus that now regardless of the top she wears, she can wear the key everyday.

My legs became a little stubbely again. So the epilator came out once more. I was brave enough for one leg. The other leg comes later 😬😬

female-led-couple

Dear Ms.,

I'm still fairly new to flr, with many ups & downs, on again-off again attepmts.... We started about 4 years ago, at my husband's request, I have been pretty vanilla my whole life, so it's been a bit challenging for me. When we do really get in to it, I very much enjoy it, and more so, enjoy the way he treats me in return. It gives me a great sense of power and confidence. We also have a busy life- work full time, house projects, 4 kids ( 3 out of the house now).

One of the things that I have enjoyed (which brings him great emotional & mental pleasure) is dressing him in lingerie, especially when we are home alone & he can wear just that around the house. He enjoys being humiliated, which in turn makes him vulnerable, and more willing to serve. I myself, do not like being humiliated and made to serve, therfore, it has been hard for me to become comfortable with giving him tasks in this aspect. I was wondering if you might have any advice in this area?

Hi you,

I just want to say first off to everyone reading this, the sender of this ask even though she has a blank blog is a genuine woman looking for advice about her FLR and I have verified this in private D.M's between us. I advised her to send her message on an ask so she could interact with the wider FLR community here on Tumblr to get the best advice possible.

OK, so for me reading this it sounds like a FLR is something you both want and enjoy and are wanting to take it to the next level but life and inexperience are getting in the way of a stronger more defined dynamic between you both.

I would suggest having a sit down with hubby one night when you can find an evening together with no distractions and you can focus on just you two. Dont be nervous, you already know hubby is interested and wanting you to take the reigns in your relationship together as it was him who initially came to you with the idea of a female-led-relationship to begin with. Have him kneel in front of you wearing the lingerie you describe while you sit on the comfy sofa or main chair of the living room with a drink of your choice.

Explain to him if he really wants this going forward things have to change or you wont be dominanting him as this on-off situation that's happening isn't fair on you mentally and emotionally. If your hubby is genuinely submissive and wanting you in charge on hearing you say this his eyes will light up and his cock stiffen you can be sure of it and sure you now have his undivided attention. It may be that he is not genuinely submissive and just wants the occasional kinky play with you. If that is the case then unfortunately a well established, well maintained FLR will be impossible to achieve with him.

The conversation you are about to have with him will tell you which he is but I suspect he will be a genuine submissive as it was him who researched FLR and approached you with it to begin with. Remind him of this and explain this is not a game for you anymore and you will be making some changes to effect and establish this once and for all. Remember FLR is about you, the woman, there's no right or wrong way its just your way. Ofcourse you can talk with him to learn what makes him tick as a submissive and you should absolutely do this and use his kinks to control and reward him, have him write down what he would like to try with you or get him rebloging stuff here on tumblr that hes into, its a window into his subby mind for you to study and gauge, ofcourse you dont have to participate in all of them and use his kinks sparingly as a control method, the bottom line is, this is all about you, your comfort, pleasure and direction for you both. Explain this to him and lay down the law with him about what you expect around the house, in public and the bedroom.

Lay down some basic rules you expect him to follow and build from there, don't have to many to begin with as it will become a chore for you to police them all, we all have busy lives and responsibilities outside of kink so don't worry about that, your FLR is between you and him and nobody else. Make it clear what you expect from him and how you expect him to behave in those vanilla moments and leave the whips and chains for when it's just you two.

Say to him you are going to re-set your FLR with these new basic rules going forward and you are willing to have a trial run for a month with these new rules and behaviours from him in place and if he can't keep to them then maybe a FLR is not for you. Again notice his arousal when you are firm, direct and curt with him and do be, to the best of your ability, he needs that as a submissive, his arousal at your firmness will be the confirmation you need he is truly a submissive. Lucky you 😉

Lastly are you using a chastity device in your dynamic, if not I highly recommend. Once hubby orgasms you will notice his submissive feelings take a nose dive, this is very common with all male submissives and is known as sub drop. Not what you want and is probably the reason you are currently on-off. Bottom line is, restrict his orgasms to once a week if you are just starting out with chastity and build up to once a month. Trust me a chastity device is a game changer for you and will maintain his submission to you like nothing else. Let him know you are in conversation with other Dominant woman here about what to do with him but don't let him read your exchanges with us, again notice his arousal at this. Then bring up chastity with him in a few days, he'll beg for it and the control it gives you over him. 😁

Finding a chastity cage and getting him fitted and wearing it is a whole other article but if that's something you do want to explore with him and I highly recommend you do send me a separate ask on the subject.

Don't rush things and take it slow, FLR is a journey not a destination and we are all on that journey at different stages and progression within the FLR spectrum. Remember it's all about you the woman and how you see your own personal brand of FLR with your subby hubby. You can take this as far or not as you wish, don't judge other dynamics by your own, FLR is very personal and we all have different circumstances to balance.

Good luck, keep me updated please and I'm always here to chat. There are also tons of blogs, books and articles on the subject so do a little research of your own if you want to. You can also click the #advice and #chastity at the bottom of my pinned post for further reading of my own blog. Just bare in mind my FLR is much further down the line in progression than your own currently.

@nice-predator @barefootdomme we would love and appreciate your thoughts.

MS x

skyrocket6699

@flower192 I think you might relate to this.

#happy wife happy life #Flr #Advice

Day 12 Locktober

Well day 12 has taught me to true meaning of careful what you wish for...

I complained to my beautiful wife that after shaving my legs the other day for the benefit of making tights more comfortable to wear certainly helped untill now the stubble pokes through and causes a velcro feel.

She agreed that stubbely legs and tights and not suitable... I was strapped down to the bed and treated to an epilator session.

Ladies, that is one of those things that men do not appreciate how hard it is to have silky smooth legs.

On the plus side, I now have that knowledge as smoother legs than before. Apparently we couldn't get them all so another session is required.

Thank you to my beautiful @flower192 for the lessons which you are teaching this Locktober. My smooth legs and tights thank you..

denial-permanente

I have a question for Mrs Edge. Before you made Tom your "permanently locked husband," I'm assuming that you would unlock him to have sex and then lock him back up again. Did you make him lock up right away? Did you wait a day or two? Did he put up a fuss about being locked again? I find that if I don't make my husband lock up immediately, then we both get out of the habit. But he hates to lock up right after, and sometimes I'm reluctant to insist. How did you navigate this with your husband?

Oh, this is a good question! When we first started I would unlock him after a few months and then we would take a break for a few months before going back to him being locked again.

Something I noticed was that whenever I made my husband lock up immediately after, he usually whined a bit, but would obey me. But the next day he would tell me how hot it was that I "forced him" to lock up again. He found it more exciting than if I left him unlocked for a month or two and made him lock up again. There seems to be something about making men do something right after they come. 😆

This extended to when he first began to come in his cage. When that happened, he didn't want to be locked anymore, and said he felt dumb wearing it. He never asked to be unlocked, but I could tell that it wasn't fun for him. But again... the next day he would be very horny, and would thank me for keeping him locked.

How did I navigate this? For the first few years I didn't really have a plan. But after playing with it off and on for several years something really "clicked" for me and I told him that I wanted ALL of the control over keeping him locked and of allowing him to come. He agreed, and I almost always had him lock back up immediately after we made love to keep him nice and aroused for me.

And as you can see, eventually I stopped unlocking him at all. 🔒 😂

Without realising day 8 has followed the 7 week schedule. @flower192 has given me everything I have ever wanted and more. I will forever be in her debt.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Thoughts of a locked hubby