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I hate it when things start to go bad all over again..

winstons-and-enochs

northlxne

(x)

buttonpoetry

Get this poem and more in Neil’s book, Our Numbered Days.

drowningpoetry

i am no longer the girl i was when i loved you. i have reinvented myself. i no longer like coconut chapstick or gold eyeshadow. i no longer like horror movies or your stupid posters in your room. i no longer stay up until 5am just waiting for your name to pop up on the screen. i no longer cry everyday. i no longer barely make it through the day. i like sunshine and pale eyeshadow and coffee and art and thunderstorms and i am now everything you will never get the chance to know. i am better. i have found sunshine rooted in my very own veins. i am new, and i hope you envy the newfound warmth that i have found in myself.

i have dreams of my funeral. some days you’re in the front row crying, other days you’re buried right next to me, holding my hand. other days i’m not dead at all and you’re still holding my hand. other days i’m alive and you’re gone and you’re not holding my hand and that is a lot like being dead to me.

morosemachinist-deactivated2017

I don’t know why, but whenever my friends would ask me if I love you, I get lost in track as if my mind had stopped functioning for a moment. Lumps form in my throat and it feels as if the air has escaped my lungs as I try my hardest to find the right words because I don’t want my answer to be just “yes”. I want them to know that my mornings aren’t bright without hearing your voice. I want them to know how I find it hard to breathe whenever you’re sad. How do I tell them that you’re the reason why I’d choose to stay awake instead of slumber, that even if I haven’t slept a wink I can still manage to do things as if I have slept for more than 8 hours? How do I explain to them that in between the sighs and exhales, you exist? That I don’t want you to remain forever spilled on these blank pages or lingering thoughts everytime I will hear your name. How do I tell them that no words could desribe the feeling of how your laugh had always sent chills down my spine? You turned my flaws into parts that I have learned to love and not even the word “yes” could justify the reason why I love the person I could never have.

(via wandering-mishaps)

fairyspits

Step 1 Like the girl in class No, like-like the girl in class Carry her name around in the palm of your hand Ball it into a fist where no one can reach it without a fight not even yourself - Step 2 Hold the fist in front of your hand in front of your face a mirror Wonder if thats really your reflection in it Tell yourself its all just part of growing up Don’t ask yourself why then, you wont tell your friends - Step 3 Convince yourself that you want to kiss girls in a “straight way” Call it a girl crush and hope no one asks how many you have Try to forget how many you have until you force yourself to feel it - Step 4 Unravel your fist and look at her name Believe in her name Than toss it up have it bounce on the walls till it falls in your mouth Swallow it - Step 5 Listen to every comment people say Overanalyze every comment people say Listen for a sign youre accepted But only remember the signs you’re not - Step 6 Wait for your friend to come out Lie to them about yourself anyways But only for a few more months Until it burns your throat and you puke it out - Step 7 Make jokes about it Learn its okay Feel it wholly Understand it - Step 8 Tell your parents while crying Think over and over they will not listen Let them prove you wrong Let everything be better - Step 9 Make jokes about it Learn its okay Feel it wholly Understand it - Step 10 Start learning to be safe, but not afraid Stop telling your story in second person Say, “I am getting there.” - I am getting there.

fairy spits How To Love Yourself (via fairyspits)

It was actually going.. well... for a while.

lanabanana-bo

Dear you.

So basically. I like you. A lot. But the stupid game we play. I'm done. I'm impatient. I know. I'm over emotional. I'm working on it. I just can't handle the way you do things. It hurts me to see you being hurt by things I do. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm so sorry. I don't tell you because you'll forgive too easily. I don't deserve you. Honestly. You are one of the only people that makes me speechless. Your wit. Amazing. I admire everything about you. I hate everything about me. You need to find someone worthy of you. And it isn't me. It will never be me. There are thousands. MILLIONS. of better choices. Leave me here. Move on. You have this future that I can't fuck up. Don't let me do that to you. Trust me. I don't want to say any of this. In the back of my mind I hope you never read this. You should get everything you want and more. But. I will never be able to give you that. I need you to understand this. On the other hand I don't want to see you go on. I WANT to be that person. In 50 years I want to be the one with you, still being able to kiss your lips. To hold your hand. What if you do find someone? Will they kiss you until it's perfect? Will they do it until they get it right? Pick me. Please. What if they only do things for you and say it was 'good enough'. You do not deserve 'good enough' you deserve perfect.