This is China. @slam-dizzle - Tumblr Blog

I've had a great run of cute kid moments in class over the past week.

First, there was 4 year old Gordon, lying on the floor at the end of class. Rather than joining the line to leave class he bent his leg and started slowly crawling along the floor before looking up at me to say 'Teacher, I'm a turtle'. Secondly, 6 year-old Christina was listing the clothing you wear in cold weather as shoes, pants (I know!), socks and.... a snake... She meant scarf.

Yesterday, my three worlds collided with a crew of people stemming from my time in Keith, Glasgow and Beijing hiking on the Great Wall.

The other night, I went for dinner with none other than Anton Muscatelli, principal of the University of Glasgow, in Beijing, China. No big deal.

Filling the gap in the Beijing market by pretending I am an authority on all things musical theatre. Holding a singing workshop and cacking it. Hey, once it's done it's time for Heaven and a bit of Salsa. Milking the birthday week and the WARMTH (finally). AAAAAAGH!

I was just asked out by a 21 year old Chinese guy who tried to impress me with his extensive knowledge of British TV shows, including such gems as The Weakest Link, Casualty, Eastenders, the Tweenies and Chucklevision. Tom and Barry. He also went on to list stores in the UK including WH Smith, Asda, and The Works. What a guy.

Better than that, this is filmed right outside my apartment building...

What my students show me...

This is the first class I ever taught in China, minus a set of twins and with the addition of the two girls in pink. There was a time when I was terrified of them. They were more terrified of me. They are just the cutest.

The people I teach...

Right now, it is the Chinese public school holidays, which means the Chinese private school boom as parents throw their kids into even more classes, rather than allowing them a well deserved rest. This also means that I am working FAR crazier hours than usual and it is nasty. Everyday, I have a three hour writing class, which would get tiresome for native speakers, never mind Chinese teens. BUT, they are getting through it and have thrown together such stories (for this week's newspaper task) as 'The chair blamed for the disappearance of a boy', 'Hulk, the thief at the beach', 'We should care for our animals', a piece on the NBA, a piece on a broken road, a piece on the latest Twilight release, something about Nike shoes, something about Chinese school hours, something about a beached whale, Obama and his pet fly and a few more besides. Not an easy class to teach and I don't think they are my biggest fans but we get through it. Today, I discovered that one of the great girls in the class performed at the Fringe last year. What a legend. I got perhaps a little overexcited in class when she told me this. Scotland, how I miss you. Theatre, how I miss you. There is a bit of a theatre famine going on in Beijing at the moment, and well, always.

buzzfeed

This baby panda is the cutest thing on planet Earth.

China has a different way of counting to ten, using one hand. Six is my favourite.

Taught a class using Rage Comics. Mm. Awwww yeah guy was the firm favourite. I have no more to say on the matter.

I have been lucky enough to score an amazing Trailblazer class. For normal people, that means high school age, around 12/13. I have so much to say about them and the classes I have had with them so far but what I really want to share first of all is my awkward Scottish accent in regards to teaching them. First things first, one of the kids is called Gary. This class has been taught by Chinese teachers, American teachers, never by someone who rolls r's and extends vowels quite a much as me. The first time I taught them, they tried to correct me. The second time, they realised that it wasn't a mistake. The third, I had to attempt to explain to them that it is my accent. Since then, they laugh and repeat every time I say his name, though it is not in a cheeky way. I THINK this might call for the giving of a nickname. The other problem area with my accent was realised through my inability to say 'pour'. Many of you will know that this is a problem I have faced for many years and one which I was mocked for even by more lowland Scots. Yes, I say 'pooour' rather than 'pore' (I wish I could remember the phonetic alphabet). I poooour a drink. Poor me. I was teaching a lesson on weather. Pour comes up quite a lot in a lesson on weather. It was difficult. I managed to check myself. And did force myself to say 'pore' but I swear it was an annoyingly conscious mouth movement. A horribly conscious decision. Forced words. The sacrifices you have to make...

Coffee here is expensive. Really very expensive. Coffee is something I miss, a lot. I feel guilty spending the amount of money I do on coffee when I do cave. And so, in order to dampen that guilt, I decided to make my trip to Starbucks that little less like a mock home and opted for the Chinese green tea latte. BIG MISTAKE. I love green tea. I love lattes. The combination? Snot. The consistency? Thick, and a bit grainy. The colour? Not like snot because that would be worrying but the potent green was not appealing. The taste? Vom. It did not taste good. At all. I think I was stubborn enough to drink... 5 sips and then had to shamefully leave it perched on a windowsill because I hate being the person to put open containers in the bin. Horrid. Just thinking about it gives me the boke. Never try anything that cartoon nuclear waste green. That's my golden advice.

This is a post that should have made it up a long time ago. This was a clear case of perfect timing. Right as the no-show blues were about kick in back in the time of Little Shop, I was granted the chance to go check out the National Centre for the Performing Arts with a group of students from across the city. It was amazing. It was essentially a VIP tour of the building. We got to hang out backstage, stood on a quite frankly gigantic opera stage, were treated to a live Chinese band and I even succeeded in getting the kids singing (more of this has happened since). As a homage to all things Cecilian, I DID teach 'I like the flowers' and I am 100% proud of it. The only downside is that my face now decorates the company wide computers as a screensaver as a result of this day. An incredibly timed day in an incredible building. No more to it.

So... I really need a haircut. I really do. It is getting ridiculous. But hairdressers here are daunting places. Contrary to the female-dominated world of hairdressing in the UK, Chinese hairdressers are full of very fabulous men who... wait for it... dance outside of the salons from time to time. It really is a sight to behold. Not that dancing outside is an uncommon occurrence here. I really expected the mass dance party which was going on by the subway station in the summer to stop through the bitter cold winter of Beijing but no, the old couples partner dancing, young 'uns shuffling and weird skipping rope routines have continued on and hairdressers sometimes seem to have routines of their own. So, granted, I am not a male so I do not need to fear the anime character haircut which many a guy friend here has tried hard to avoid and ended up with getting. But, I still have the language barrier to get over and once hair is cut, it's cut. What if they misunderstand my mimes as 'chop it down to an inch and shave the back'? I need to get over the irrational fear that I have. It may not even be fear as much as laziness. There is an old dude that charges... 30p by the side of the road. Maybe I should give him a go. It just needs a quick trim after all. The dye issue can be dealt with later. I'm sure there will be an update on this. Hopefully not a disastrous one.

Today was a graduation for a class I recently took over. I feel like I've betrayed my own baby class by putting photos of these guys up first but these are the first photos I have succeeded in taking during class time. And, the graduation hats do ramp up the cute levels... What is my life?

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