i had a lot of issues growing up. an introverted and timid 14-year-old i was, when a classmate posted a hurtful comment online with my name for everyone to see, with the content being "….the world would be better off without you". it left me heartbroken and confused and eventually i just isolated myself because i thought nobody liked me; nobody would, really.
but the year i turned 15 i was in a different class and my classmates were really nice. my class president would leave me little notes of encouragement (with cute doodles) and initiate physical affection. every time we were in a group and she saw me being left-out (by then i had mastered the art of being invisible), she would make sure to include me somehow. i remember being in awe of her at that time because she was the kind of person i wanted to be– bubbly, smiley, well-liked with a large social circle. we took the same bus home and often she would alight first. i would see her looking back, as though looking for something, but i always made sure to keep a careful distance from her.
on sports day, at 16 years of age, the school was selling sunflowers for a fundraising event. as usual, i kept to myself and tried to remain as inconspicuous as i possibly could, away from the rest of my classmates. that was when she ran up to me, and handed me a sunflower with a card attached to it.
it read, “dear ___, be yourself! more confidence! love you!”
also, it was only afterwards i realized that all the times she looked back, she had been looking not for something, but someone.
she had been looking for me.
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