finleytmΒ·:
Β Β Β Β Β there werenβt maybe times that fin had ever acted quite like this. even after slater told him they shouldnβt do thisΒ βββΒ there wasnβt any anger. he just let it happen. since thenΒ ,Β fin has done a lot of work on himself including letting himself get angry. would he regret how heβs treating slater right nowΒ ?Β absolutely. he wasnβt a rude person regardless of if it was deserved or not.Β Β βΒ yesΒ ,Β because you hurt me. donβt try to tell me you did me a favor. you were doing yourself a favor. not me.Β βΒ canβt help the way the words come out. canβt help but to be madΒ ,Β even after heβs been given plenty of time to heal from it. as slater speaksΒ ,Β fin get only feel himself getting madder. nothing is helping. nothing slater could say would make this easier. maybe he just needed to be sober and thinking clearly about this. wanted to hear him out but he never got the chance to really express any of this. not to him.Β Β βΒ you canβt say shit like that to meΒ !Β you act like that makes it better. you said we shouldnβt. you let me think you didnβt want to be together. and you just ended it. ended everything. so donβt act like it was mutual.Β it wasnβt.Β and now suddenly you think we canΒ ,Β whatΒ ,Β be friends because iβm moved onΒ ?Β Β βΒ feels weird to say the words. doesnβt want to tell slater anything about theo. despite the anger and the alcohol coursing through himΒ ,Β fin was starting to soften. knew that slater cared. knew that there was no malicious intent behind this. maybe he just wanted forgiveness but wanted to give fin time. in truthΒ ,Β he hadnβt felt that upset over the situation anymore until seeing him. until talking to him.Β Β βΒ i know.Β βΒ itβs the first sign that fin isnβt completely angry at him.Β Β βΒ i know you areΒ ,Β slater.Β βΒ he did. knew that were had to have been a good reason.Β before i broke it.Β words his harder than he thinks they willΒ ,Β shaking his head. the closeness wasΒ a lot. just seeing slater was a lot. didnβt make this current situation any easier. fin was still sure of himselfΒ ,Β but the idea of being slaters friends again meant telling theo the one thing he had chosen to not tell him. it was a lot to think about.Β Β βΒ a distraction would be nice.Β βΒ mumbles is softlyΒ ,Β eyes refusing to meet slaters. and then finallyΒ ,Β they do.Β Β βΒ i donβt hate you.Β βΒ sounds sure of himself.Β βΒ i tried to hate you. for the longest time i just wanted to hate you.Β β it was true.Β Β βΒ but it never worked. i couldnβt hate you. i donβt.Β βΒ wants to say more but he stops himself.Β Β βΒ but that doesnβt mean i think we can be friendsΒ ,Β slater.Β β
slater was aware this was out of character for fin,Β also knew maybe he didnβt know fin just as well as he thought anymore. time had certainly passed between them, the smallest of hints now that there was someone else there now taking his place, doing things he used to. wasnβt something he should think about, it elicited a weird sense of happiness and hurt. couldnβt quite comprehend what it was in him, he did know that there was aΒ place in his heart feeling pain, the way fin looked... spoke to him. heβd brush it off, he asked for it when he stopped what they had, knowing if fin hated him at least heβd move on easier.Β β did i? you think ruining the best thing i had was a favour to myself. interesting if you ask me. trust me the only person i was doing it for was you because it wouldβve been more selfish of me to keep us going then do what was best and end it. regardless of how i pretended i felt.β was usually so composed, so blunt and honest but even these words came out frantically. was sure fin would be able to feel the emotions dripping right off him, tensions running high between them. was certain the weight of peoples eyes were starting to shift between them but the last thing he wanted was a fight, especially with fin.Β β fin iβm just trying to be honest. you should probably just tell me to go, and i should listen. right. i know i did, but thatβs.. itβs not what i was feeling at all. i know, i didnβt realise how easily youβd believe it. iβm sorry fin fuck, i know itβs not fair to ask or to want that. i didnβt think... it was even going to affect you that much, i didnβt think... you wanted us that much.. thatβs the truth, i thought i was doing it before you ever really got.. attached.β couldnβt admit that it was what he wanted, that even if he knew he would never have fin like before, heβd take anything. it just wasnβt something he was sure fin could do. a quiet passed over them, he was a little too late, the apology should have come sooner. had always been afraid.Β β i wouldnβt be here if i didnβt. i just wanna fix this us. i donβt want to think every day.. that youβre out there hating me.Β donβt know why but that.. hurts to think about.β slater nodded, accepting the subtle offer.Β β wanna just go talk out there..? feel like people are starting to stare. and i could use a distraction too.β knows better than to take a step too close, as if things werenβt difficult enough between them.Β grabbing the drink sitting between them as a buffer he made his way out. eyes looking back every so often, those words, however, had him catching his breath, turning back to find his eyes. β what..?β it was a surprise, even though someplace in slaters heart told him maybe fin was just hurt it wasnβt hatred. tonight convinced him otherwise. β would it have been easier for you if you did..? i wanted you too, or i thought it did. but i donβt anymore β knew exactly what was coming next, anything else wouldβve been wishful thinking.Β β right. because of our past..? itβd mess things with theo too right? β
