Originally aired 5/15/15.
Wow, what a night. First of all, let me say this. If you’re at WEMF and you’re thirsty, I hope you like alcohol, because that’s all there is to drink. Is water outlawed at EMF? This show is turning my crew (and my guests) into lushes. If I didn’t bring a can of Perrier with me every week, I’d probably be back in rehab already.
Anyway, comedian Dan Martin dropped by. So did Ron from Ice Dragon. Seems like a crazy blur now, but here’s what I remember:
1. Dan did stand-up comedy in the corner of the studio. The Humanoids kept their backs to him the whole time. So he took his dick and balls out. Stacy has pics. They’re pretty alarming.
2. We talked about hugs. Dan likes to give them. Me too! But Beth from Thrust Club gave me the most reluctant hug ever at Jacques, and no Humanoid has ever hugged me. Stacy told me why. “You’re not huggable.” Ouch. I’m learning a lot about myself on this show.
3. Dan spurned Stacy’s advances. Several times.
4. Johnny Machine decides how authentically Bostonian you are by what zip code you were born in. Based on that criteria Johnny decided that Bill Burr, probably the most Bostonian comic that ever lived, isn’t from Boston. “He’s from Canton or something.” So f**k Bill Burr.
5. Dan got heckled by Jamie Kennedy. At Jamie Kennedy’s show. Dan went to a Jamie Kennedy show. Jesus, man.
6. Dan got a message from his fiancé that she was pooping in the Philadelphia airport. So he told everybody. This marriage is gonna turn out fine.
7. Ron from Ice Dragon was unsure of what a “sex accident” is, and just told a disturbing sex story. Halfway through Joey Sinn looked at me and said, “What is going on here?” What’s going on is that I just racked up about $1,000 in FCC fines, man.
8. I pitched an Ice Dragon/Dan Martin collaboration for the most heavy metal stand-up comedy video of all time. It involves burning down half of my friend’s backyard and lots of blood and nudity. They’re all for it. Stay tuned.
9. Ron brought a giant pile of Ice Dragon CDs for everybody. What a guy! Note: if you come on the show, you should do this too. Or you could bring water. That would be good too.
10. Johnny Machine thinks we should get an award for this one. I’m pretty sure we’re gonna get fired. Keep watching this space!
After the show: Dan Martin told us about all the chicks/dudes that proposition him at shows. Kids, if you wanna get laid, try comedy. Works way better than rock n’ roll, apparently.
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