sleepy

holding my own hand, feeling the tips of my ears getting cold ♡ /

[sleepforeverbabe]

Keanu reeves in homoerotic thriller Wolfboy, there have been no recordings of this play found on the internet.

[sleepforeverbabe]

I know who I am

I know who I am, I've always known who I was. I am surely not a poet or the soft-spoken singer, I was the girl who spent years finding various ways to express parts of herself she knew was better secret. I was the girl who wanted to remain hidden and looked for creative strategies to mask it

[sleepforeverbabe]

I've changed, but what remains is my blog of my partially nude images and my habit of scouring the internet for new music

[achillesinhighheels]

[kafk-a]

David Walker’s paper clip collection

[sc]

[fluoresensitives]

Young Hoes Cook Everything on High: Effectivity, Speed, and The Value of Women's Time Outside of the Domestic Sphere

[sleepforeverbabe]

bark or bite

How is one perceived when scared, anxious and afraid? How is one recieved when angry, dangerous and aggressive?

I write.

[sleepforeverbabe]

I don't exactly know what I want right now, but I do know what I like and what I look forward to, on a day-to-day basis. I think short term now, never long term, it's a new habit built to avoid anxious thoughts and existential crisis.

I love cheetah prints on anything and black panthers. I love music, especially DJ mixes and abstract textures in music. I love mindless and intentional conversations. I love having options and choosing. I love hanging out with friends that are good company, that I'm still getting to know. I love that he makes me food and I can just stand in the kitchen. I love that I'm happy to be unemployed. I love that my room feels somewhat safe the longer I stay in it.

I forgot what I initially came here to write about, but it turned into me writing about everything that I loved about my current life, which can't be a bad thing and also can be a signal or a message of some sort. I still want to invite new experiences and to challenge this little body to hold this large soul, so I am sticking to my compass, even when it gets a little rusty on the outside.

I'm unsure of what era of life I am in, when it comes to my independent self. I am wondering at the back of my head, if this era is about the other. Even if that stands, the era will always ever be about me. I'm jumbled, slightly. Nevertheless, I am loved.

[sleepforeverbabe]

I feel a lot these days, learning too much these days, so much I can’t remember what to write down. All I know is, I like the way he feels, I like the way I feel around him, I hope he’s always okay, I pray for life and longevity and I smile at simple things. I still don’t know what I want but I’m okay with accepting unusual, uncomfortable and spontaneous situations that are and may be for my better, I just hope that I don’t have to learn this lesson through hurt this time. Patience.

[sleepforeverbabe]

[sleepforeverbabe]

hey so sometimes it feels like you’re dying or very close to death and that your world might be over, but it’s not; you just have to remind yourself of the things that make you happy, like warm food and changing your hair colour, you have to remember to have things in place in the future to keep you busy, like a hang out with a friend or a phone call with someone you love. Sometimes your life stops for a little and you manually focus on someone or something that maybe disappears or disappoints you, it’s okay to turn it off, and go back to viewing the world blurry for awhile and maybe focus on some other things. You will not die, your heart hurts a little but it will not collapse or rip out of your chest. You are and always have been alright.

[sleepforeverbabe]

I’m still 23 and he seems to like me, I’ve forgotten how to make full sentences, I remember I used to be very articulate now my body feels really heavy one minute and incredibly light the other, I have to remind myself to do things that are good for me, like drink water and write in my journal, I’m still sensitive to smell and it can make me have a bad day. does he still like me today like he did yesterday? And do my shoulders look too wide in what used to be my favourite shirt? I love when people smile and when dogs whine in pain even though they are happy. I’m getting older and it’s scary, I’m not entirely sure I’ve done everything I was meant to in order to become me.

[sleepforeverbabe]

my favourite past time is listening to familiar and new music. I tend to think about people from the past but envisioning the amazing people I will meet one day heals that part of my mind. I rarely take deep breaths anymore, only when I’m smoking. Am I losing myself? I’m wondering that too often these days.

[sleepforeverbabe]

Thinking about the amazing feedback I received from my design teacher. It’s so amazing when someone voices something to you that easily hushes your tiny doubts about what you think you’re good at or what you even just love. He reaffirmed me. I realized I’ve never had someone do that before. He told me that I was brave for doing a redesign of a logo that was already good; that my type was great and that I’m really good at type and he realized that ice always been really strong in type????? (WOW). If anyone wants to know why this is so affirmed it’s because I do indeed love typography so much, and I just didn’t know; if all the attention to detail I gave to it in design, was good or needed or even valuable? But in this typography class…it just means that it was, but even outside, it was. Idk. I’m yapping. I just can’t believe it, this is probably one of the only good things I’ve had happen to me in the past year.

[sleepforeverbabe]

My favourite colour was grey in highschool and it still is now. I'm twenty three and I'm stuck in a loop of the inability to change. I don't know what I like to eat anymore, I just eat what is there. I lied, I like mac and cheese, nuts and seeds, fruits and veggies, they taste like candy to me. I have friends but none of them really know me. I'm making a space for myself in the creative world but I don't consider myself a creative. I wear black a lot, it's easy. I'm constantly fluctuating between the weight of 109 and 130. My hair breaks off a lot and I think about people that have forgotten me.

[sleepforeverbabe]

my favourite cartoon character is snoopy, I love soft electronic ambient music, I think I'm not critical enough, I need to know steps and methods in order to understand things, I use delusion to my advantage, I always end up befriending really cool people that usually come to me. I'm twenty one but I don't even remember being twenty. I've been writing since I was fifteen, fiction. Now I write about myself and preach to the masses, whoever wants to listen. I don't think I'm that different from anyone else.