Sade Olutola
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Not today Justin
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izzy's playlists!
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we're not kids anymore.
One Nice Bug Per Day
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Three Goblin Art
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@sleepingonasunset
Forever 28
Today, my brother would have turned 29.
I’m still getting used to that. Using the past tense. I had five siblings. My brother was my best friend. It’s tricky. The words we use.
This poem I really like starts – “I lost my best friend to sadness.” And I haven’t been able to get those words out of my head since April 21st. I haven’t even managed to write since then.
Not a single line.
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Just a little more Me.
Just a little more Me.
My Dad and I used to be really good friends. I say used to be because we don’t really have that anymore. We would take walks almost everyday after work, and just chat.
After I transitioned, moved further away we stopped doing that. He’s had a really hard time with it. With me being trans, but also with the fact that I kept such a big secret from him for so long. We spent the all our after…
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A little Help from my Friends
A little Help from my Friends
The moments before I fall asleep, willing sleep on myself.
These thoughts enter my mind. Why does she even love me? What do I have to give? How can I live a meaningful life?
They just keep turning in my head. I fear that facing them will give me answers I don’t want to hear.
The central flaw in this thinking though is that I can’t change. That yeah, maybe right now I am doing a lot of…
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American Dream
We bought a house!
Just a few weeks ago I looked over at Kristin and told her I wanted to buy a house but I wasn’t sure when we’d be able to make that a reality.
So we tried. And now we’ve got keys in our hands, and dreams in our hearts.
We are living our version for the American dream and it feels very exciting.
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It Feels like Work.
It Feels like Work.
I want to be a writer. I don’t want to write. I’m not sure where that leaves me.
Is it even the writing I dislike, or is it the fear behind it. The fear of sharing my work. Of finishing something I feel really good about then it being crushed by the first person I share it with.
Maybe I’ve been obsessed with the idea of being a writer for so long I’ve convinced myself that it’s something…
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Spring Please
Fifty degree weather and I’m sitting outside watching the birds.
Hoodie, hat, all covered up.
Wishing the sun would come out from behind those trees.
Can’t it be spring already?
I heard a groundhog said it would be coming early. I sure hope he’s right.
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Make A Change
Sometimes you got to make a change.
Be it a sign from the universe or just a sinking feeling in your stomach that something isn’t right.
You can only ignore that feeling for so long.
If you don’t jump, the feeling might make you.
So best do it on your own terms, before the push is more than you think you can handle.
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Slow Down
It’s already the third month of the year.
I keep wondering how to slow down time.
It seems to be moving so quickly I can’t manage to grasp it. It’s just slipping away.
There seems to be a lot to show for it, but at the same time not enough. How do I stop time? Maybe I should be bored more, that may do the trick. Be present in every moment, and each moment can seem like a lifetime.…
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Courage
“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?” Elizabeth Gilbert
Somedays I’m not so sure I do, other days I’m closer to knowing. One thing I do know is that I’m finding that courage. More and more everyday.
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Back to Basics
“You can only be a martyr when you have limited resources” -Emily Fletcher on The Aubrey Marcus Podcast.
That sounded a bit more profound in context, but I think the message is still clear.
For me at least, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I’m not sure what has come over me lately but I can’t manage to get myself out of this negative rut.
Here are the steps…
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The Going is Slow.
The Going is Slow.
Sometimes I don’t understand what’s going on.
I can manage to get myself to the gym. But that seems to be it. I want to do more. I don’t want to watch my life pass me by, and have nothing to show for it. But most days I can’t manage to do anything more than what’s needed to get by.
Maybe it’s all the things going on, maybe I’m doing something wrong, or maybe something is wrong. That…
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Grandma Holyoak
Monday, was the last day I saw my Grandma awake.
She slept most of the time I was there, and only said a few things. I’d seen her a couple days before. Although she was bedridden, much more awake, telling me the story of how she met my Grandpa.
On Monday though, you could see that the living was getting harder. We sat around her bed chatting away while she slept. When we got up to leave I…
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Remember this.
Sometimes you get lost in a daze. You aren’t really doing anything, just going through the motions.
Sometimes it’s easier that way, but it shouldn’t be permanent.
You don’t want to wake up when your forty exactly where you are now.
Remember that.
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Old Friends
Seeing people you haven’t seen in a long time, in years even.
Either you hit it off, like nothing has changed.
Or you don’t and it feels like a lifetime since you’ve known them.
When it’s family, comfortable family, it seems like no time has passed.
Of course you’re older, there are spouses and kids and grandkids.
But your both still the kids you once were and you tell new…
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Being Part of a Team.
Being Part of a Team.
I’ve never been very good at letting people do things for me. I’m stubborn, and being the youngest of five I’ve always had too many people in my life telling how to live.
After meeting my fiance it took some adjusting. It took some time to adjust to having someone around, doing projects together, or even allowing someone to just take care of me when I’m sick. That bit I’m still really bad at.
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Bias
Human bias is the worst.
I get why we have it, and in some cases it is necessary. But it makes it that much more difficult to get to the bottom of something.
Someone can take the exact same research and interpret it a different way.
What’s the right way? Or the best way? I don’t know.
Maybe not only do you have to comb through tons of research, but maybe you have to take from it…
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Bad News.
The bad news, sometimes comes with good.
Not always though. Today it did.
When it does it’s hard to feel happy. But important you let yourself.
Spend times with the ones you love. You don’t know when they will be leaving. And it’s always best when you’re final memories with someone can be ones filled with love, and laughter.
I’m grateful for my family. For all the varieties it has…
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