something about the fact that you guys have names doesn't sit right with me. like logically i know that your mother isn't going to call you by your tumblr url but also. she should. i don't like that you have real names.
It was 4 x 07 that got me thinking about that (im adding the readmore both because this is long as hell and because it’s disturbing and im on desktop & can’t tag with tws until after i post :/ )
warnings for child sexual abuse, child murder, and incest below the cut
- I’m gonna start off by saying that Spencer has multiple dreams about “Riley Jenkins,” the boy who he’s convinced his father raped and killed, but in every one of these dreams, “Riley’s” face is completely concealed, and all we can see are his feet. In every single dream, he’s wearing the same black lace-up tennis shoes that Spencer has on all the time. (Derek also says in 4 x 06 that “if there’s a baby in your dream, that means the baby is you”)
- Spencer was dreaming about leeches covering his bare chest, which (an anon pointed this out to me) is obviously a portrayal of feeling something disgusting on your body. You could also interpret this as the residual gross feeling of knowing something horrible, obv, but the more literal explanation would be that he was remembering feeling something gross or wrong on his body.
- When he was under hypnosis (this is the really weird part) and was like. hypnotic-dreaming about being four, his father came up to him while he was in bed and sat down next to him, and he immediately started pretending to be asleep. (Which ik is not weird on its own, I definitely used to do that when my mom came in my room past my bed time.)
But instead of just leaving him alone and letting him fall asleep like my mom would, or I do when I’m taking care of kids, William goes, “I know you’re awake, Spencer.” Then he starts rubbing his arm (also obviously not weird at all on its own, but if you go and watch the camera work in context with everything else it seems a little strange) and says “daddy loves you, you know that?”
At this point, Spencer in the flashback is either crying or about to cry (I don’t remember), and present Spencer, grown-up Spencer, also on the verge of tears, says “I don’t want to be here.”
And the hypnotherapist tells him it’s okay, and he can go to the next morning, and that’s where all that stuff about the blood on the clothes is uncovered.
I thought that was kind of a disturbing scene, because there was no reason he’d be so freaked out and upset about his dad coming to say goodnight to him unless something happened, right? (That scene had nothing to do with Riley or the rest of the case.) And whatever happened was upsetting enough that he was looking to the next morning, when his father was burning the bloody clothes of another human being in the back yard, for comfort and refuge. ??
- The fact that he was so desperate to nail his father for molesting and murdering a boy his age when there was absolutely no evidence for that at all (and it like. Wasn’t even close to true) was also disturbing and out of typical character. Spencer explicitly says in the previous episode that he doesn’t believe in dream analysis, but as they get closer to the origins of the case, he flies further and further off the handle and literally starts trying to convince Derek to use his weird cryptic dreams and gut feelings as grounds for detaining William.
- He wanted all of that to be true. He wanted validation that his father was a violent pedophile. Penelope didn’t find any cp on William’s computer and he got upset. You’d think it would be a relief (she even says that), but he was obviously completely convinced that William was a violent, pedophilic offender and was angry that he was not finding a way to get justice.
- (I know he was upset about William abandoning him, but you’d have to believe (or know) that he’s capable of some really horrible, horrible things to be genuinely, deeply convinced, with absolutely no evidence at all, that your father raped and killed a first grader)
- I’m totally convinced that William was abusive in some way, because Derek and Emily both mention that Spencer (of eidetic memory fame) doesn’t remember his childhood at all, and we see in Revelations that his memories kick in literally the moment William walks out the door. He repressed all of his memories of that man??
- I’m like. 60% sure they were trying to imply that William had molested him and he didn’t exactly remember, but that he knew what his father was on some level and was seeking justice for what happened to him. He was so worked up when they couldn’t find anything because he knew that meant that William was going to get away with hurting him
when i started writing this comic, there were courses on duolingo for klingon and dothraki, fictional languages that are only spoken by characters on television shows who don’t exist, but the course for yiddish, a language spoken by jews – real, living, breathing people – for generations, didn’t exist until april 2021.
in 2017 a jewish employee at the anne frank museum was asked to put a baseball cap over his yarmulke. yeah, you read that right – an employee who worked in the house anne frank and her family hid for two years was asked to hide his judaism when he came into work.
what i’m saying is goyim are trying very hard to pretend jewish people don’t exist anymore, and it’s safer for a man to tattoo a swastika on his face than it is for me to wear a necklace with a symbol of my culture on it.
hello sorry to add to the people asking you to elaborate on your cm ship opinions BUT you said you thought that maeve wasn’t a good fit for spencer and tbh neither did i and it feels very validating (ppl worship that woman!! wth??) so if you wouldn’t mind explaining your thoughts in greater detail...
okay look I understand why people like her, and again, it’s fine if you do! to each their own. my thoughts on the Maeve arc are:
1. she’s his doctor. like I know she’s not his primary care, but he was technically her patient. she was asked to look at his brain scans lol. that’s just... weird and unprofessional/not appropriate to start a phone relationship with your patient
2. long distance/phone relationships are valid. this was neither of those things. they spoke for 10 minutes on the phone once a week, and many of those weeks were probably spent discussing his MEDICAL charts and documents because SHE WAS HIS DOC
3. they spoke every week for ten months, and yet he didn’t know that she’d been engaged? like I’m sorry we’re talking about her as if she’s his gf but that’s a very basic piece of knowledge that I think was rather pertinent information, particularly because they only broke up because she was being stalked? it’s not like they had this horrific break up or something and the dude was trash— and I feel like he even felt like their relationship was good enough that they might have gotten back together once the stalker situation was over
4. I think part of the reason Spencer got so attached was because he was still wildly insecure, and it was helpful for him to be able to build a connection before she could see him. he was able to put his best foot forward and make a good impression before having to be physically in her presence, and that would have set him at ease and made her easier to talk to. having someone understand his jokes and references is a big part of it, I’m sure. another part of it might have been the mystery/intrigue of having to meet/talk in secret.
Rules: Google your name, your favorite color, and the word "aesthetic," then post the first four photos that show up in the search results to make a moodboard.
thank you @garcias-bitch @ssahotchswifemain @ssa-sarahsunshine and @honeynico !!
tagging(only if you want): @luvofyourlifeliv @princesssmooshie @goobzoop @makaylajadewrites @slut-for-mothman @fueled-by-fanfic
So I got halfway through writing the second chapter and a lot of stuff blew up in my face. I'm dealing with a lot of personal stuff now and it will be more difficult to write as I'm trying to focus on a lot at once.
Thank you guys for being patient with me, I will post the final chapter on ao3 however I will post a link everytime it is updated.
I'm like a fucking Cadbury creme egg except instead of creme I'm packed full of anxiety and the crippling fear of what if my dad was right and I'm the reason everything is awful between us
