whoops

if i worked for disney i simply wouldn't have written endgame. rip to the mcu but im ✨different✨ follow my main acct! @carmens-bitch

[tonyrhodeyy]

27 seconds of rhodey (and tony) being 100% done during the iron man 2 court scene

[sound on for the best experience]

[ding-dong-the-bitch-is-dead]

@blackkatmagic @corvixa

[st-severus]

please hate my favorite fictional character accurately at least

[officialtonystarkprotectionsqua]

Peter: sometimes I think that I'm a smart person who makes good decisions

Peter: other times I fall asleep on the ceiling and Mr.Stark has to wake me up with a broom

[brawltogethernow]

I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”

[an-android-in-a-tutu]

Way funnier to me than adult heroes finding out Peter is a teenager and becoming Concerned is the idea of adult heroes Retroactively finding out Peter Was a teenager because he admits to being like. 22 and they’re like “Hang on you’ve been doing this for like. Seven years.” and he’s like “Haha crazy right? Anyway it’s too late for you to yell at me about that because the statue of limitations on that lecture ran out when I turned 18”

[brawltogethernow]

YEAH this trope is instantly more tolerable if it’s fully adult Peter being like, *listen up whippersnappers because I’ve been around the block voice* “I’m thirty, and—” and Tony Stark, who vaguely assumed Spider-Man is maybe two years older than him because he just has that energy and hasn’t reassessed this for four presidential terms, is like, *drunkenly doing math* “You’re how many”

[mamapluto]

Okay but…them trying to talk about Old People Stuff with him, not realizing that he wasn’t alive to remember xyz thing happening, never used xyz technology bc he didn’t exist yet, not expecting him to agree with the fact that some ppl were saying songs they grew up to were oldies, etc

[brawltogethernow]

The thing about Peter Parker is that he was raised by senior citizens the way other heroes are raised by wolves. He has the body of an Olympic gymnast and the soul of a malcontented geriatric. This likely contributed to the perpetuation of the accidental ruse.

[brawltogethernow]

It’s when he channels Aunt May so hard he makes it sound like he was personally and immediately affected by McCarthyism that the time traveler fringe theory starts really picking up bets.

[brawltogethernow]

Pal, I JUST SAID he was raised by AUNT MAY.

Also not to get real on a ha ha comic post but the elderly are not your enemy. There are old progressives.

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

Peter has a lot of feelings about the woman that discovered DNA and he strikes me as the kind of person that thinks that distancing yourself from notable figures of history by using their last names is stupid, so he’s going to say something like, “Rosalind worked so fucking hard to have that work snatched from her,” immediately followed by, “I woulda thumped him good,” and inspiring Tony and Banner to frantically look through the 1930s and 40s yearbooks at King’s College and theorize which one was Spider-Man. Captain America tries reminiscing about the good ole days with him. Peter, for his part, has been absently agreeing and making vague “I’m listening” noises about the Rolling Stones and Elton John for the majority of his life, so adding baseball, Duke Ellington, and Ella Fitzgerald to the list wasn’t that much of a stretch.

[brawltogethernow]

There are only like three genuinely funny additions on this, but this is one of them.

[fandomsandstuff]

captain america pushing a get out the vote campaign: ‘spiderman did you vote’

spider’man’ at 16: uhhhh so about that 

[brawltogethernow]

“I…can’t.” “I see. That’s why it’s so important to restore voting rights to felons.”

[achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily]

Spiderman somehow ends up behind the wheel during a chase, and Captain “I learned to drive during the war” “cars have two speeds: fast and faster” America is absolutely delighted because this dude drives just as crazily as him, cementing the time-travel theory in his mind.

Of course, the only reason for that is Peter “NYC born and raised” Parker never needed to learn how to drive. He has absolutely no idea what’s he doing, he’s only flooring it because he’s afraid if he lifts his foot he’ll use the brake on accident, but he can’t just tell Captain fucking America that.

[chronicowboy]

it even has the worried grimace of irondad

[rayshippouuchiha]

the real reason why they haven’t made a War Machine movie yet is because they know that Rhodey would take the villain out in 15 minutes tops and then the rest of the movie would just be him sighing dramatically and looking handsome while Tony’s on fire or something in the back ground.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

personally I like to think steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th but someone asked him when his birthday was when he was doing his little show tour thingy and he just said it as an accident and/or a panic response in a bid to seem even more patriotic and everyone believed him and now it’s like 100 years later and he’s too deep in the lie to back out now bc he knows all the avenger’s would fucking publicly roast him if he admitted july 4th wasn’t actually his birthday- like he would literally never live that down- so he lives his life in fear that some bitch ass historian is gonna find his birth certificate and expose him 

[spideyandstark]

avengers: happy birthday, steve!

bucky, eyes narrowing: what the fuck your birthday isn’t until-

steve, holding back tears: shut up

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Bucky tries to hand him a birthday card one cold December day, and Steve tackles him out a window before anyone else can see what he’s holding

[i-thought-you-and-i]

Bruce: What was that crashing noise?

Tony, fiddling with something: Barnes just got tackled by Cap, because today is his actual birthday.

Bruce: How do you know?

Tony: My dad remembered it more than mine

[stuckonylove]

Bruce: but you and Barnes threw him a huge party on the 4th of July this year.

Tony: Yeah, seeing him squirm about lying to the public is the best part of our country’s birthday.

[wizardnuke]

yeah we know pre-civil war tony never has his shit together and rhodey, pepper, happy, and jarvis are holding like 80% of his life together but also he's the kind of person that calls his friends at 3am like "hey I'm at walmart do you guys need anything"

[wizardnuke]

happy: is that code for something? are you safe? should I call the police? wh-

tony: happy. I am fine. I am having the time of my life. do you want me to get lucky charms for you or not.

happy: ...if you wouldn't mind, yeah

tony: wouldn't mind?? happy I would die for you

--

rhodey, used to this: yeah man, thanks, I need some eggs and sugar

tony: copy that, babycakes

--

pepper, who has been working for tony for maybe three months: did you wake me up to ask me if I need groceries

tony: okay in my defense I had no idea it was this late. now you're like, running my life and I want to show my thanks, is there anything-

pepper: give me a raise

tony: done. now-

pepper: I didn't mean actually-

tony: no, I know, but you're the only PA I've had for this long and you deserve it. now what can I get you

pepper:

tony:

pepper: I'm texting you my grocery list

tony: thank you very much

[wizardnuke]

[just-call-me-the-old-hag]

[luosong]

blue blue rose

[sekra]

Coulson lent them his Special Edition Captain America deck of cards.

In the event of damage, Tony will be tazed.

In the event of naked Captain America, however, he might be inclined to call it even.

[elf-weeb]

Yes. Just yes.

[hellogarbagetime]

Happy birthday to Steve Rogers across the multiverse!

[jetblackfeeling]

natasha stark-rogers for @ishipallthings who showed me dresses natasha could wear and i couldn’t resist so i drew this

[godsofhumanity]

Loki: You want me to do what? I can’t do that! It goes against my moral compass!

Thor: Your moral compass is a roulette wheel.

[pennyroyalorange]

[incorrect-into-the-spiderverse]

Miles, meeting Ham for the first time: Ok, but why do you sound like John Mulaney?

Ham: *Small chuckle as he moves towards Miles*

Ham: *Whispering into Miles’ ear* You shut your fucking mouth.

[fortunaveraluz]

[gorgeourrific-nerd]

tony stark: *signs legal documents with a glitter gel pen*

[hedgehog-goulash7]

Marvel CANON: Shuri and Tony are friends and help each other and are about to save the world together. Because SCIENCE!

So take that, all you would-be instigators of some kind of “rivalry” between them.

Science and technology are not about “who’s smarter” (how do you even judge that? In what field??) or imagined rivalries. Science and technology make progress because of COLLABORATION.