[ owl ] you left. again. im sorry i wasn't enough to keep you here. i don't know why you left.. since.. you did it without a word. i guess.. i wish you the best of luck. and the happiness i couldn't give.
Seol,
Should I write this as a stream of consciousness?
Why not.
Everything’s always edited when it comes to me. Always. Purposefully plotted. Laid out. Planned. Always. From the day I stepped into Hogwarts, right? And I like it that way. I like it. I feed off control, Seol. And in Hogwarts, I had complete control. King of the castle. Genuinely, without delusion, I can say that I was the most talked about. Real malice gave me control, next to all the posers. I’ve been told that I kill best with my tongue. Words like chocolate coated acid. All this is messy.
It’d be nice to unprogram the instinct to hold back, to hide parts, to not plan the way a three letter word is going to be executed… But there’s parts I’ll subconsciously leave out. Habits are hard to break, you know that.
You sound melodramatic.
Was that our relationship? Drama? I think many would be surprised to learn I dislike it. Drama. Fancy little details attached. Control, sure. Entertainment, yes. But I hate putting myself as the focal point of some sort of reality TV show. I refuse. Traditional, privacy, legacy, secrecy. The glistening eye of an emerald curled around my thumb. And I fear that my days on the Hogwarts stage reduced me to a 3-D character. When I wanted to blend in, be an extra, it was impossible, no one would grant me that. I’ve toyed with leaving so many times, and I’ve been pushed off so many times because of family problems.
This time it’s me, just me. I’m leaving.
Not necessarily you, but here. I’m done with Hogwarts. I’m done with the wizarding world. I’m done with my family. The puppeteer is cutting all his strings.
You? Being with you made me feel good. Are you hurt? Remember a conversation, back when you were a 5th year, 6th year? I predicted you were going to get hurt. I have a feeling I was right. Contrary to what you might think, it’s not a good one. I don’t want to see it as taking something away from you that you’re never going to get back— It isn’t that bitter. It’s a good memory, right? First Sarang.
You tried to fix me. You believed you could fix years of psychological damage with a warm smile and moon shaped eyes. The baby, oh god, the baby. And I let you believe that everything would be okay.
I can say that it would have been different Seol. It would’ve been different if there wasn’t a mess surrounding it. I can’t ask you to follow me where I’m going now; it’s reckless.
Are you going to forget about me? You do your best, and I’ll do mine.
Don’t write back.
Bye.










