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if i look back, i am lost
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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If you're
Heartbroken, thatâs okay. But if after 7 days youâre still walking around numb, you need to give yourself a reality check. Wake up and buy yourself something nice, talk to a friend who will pull you back to reality, call a relative who you admire to speak truth back into your lungs. Because darlin, thereâs no one out here godly enough to make you forget the beautiful things in life. Baby thereâs no one worth sucking the life from your eyes. So get up, dust off your knees, and move forward. Because the best revenge and the best feeling is happiness. Remember that.
Those negative thoughts that youâre having right now?
Ditch them.
Those thoughts that youâre not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough?
Let go of them.
You only deserve to reside in thoughts of beauty and empowerment. Donât allow for toxic ones to hold you back.
lights
Anybody else only like working out alone
Instagram: @claudiasulewski
More posts like this here
This year I will take much better care of myself. I will love and accept myself for who I am. This year I will make positive changes in my life, both within and outside of me. I will have more courage. More faith. Fight for what I love. And see the light everywhere that I look.
Nicole Addison
âI love sleep. You forget about pain, problems, stress, everything for a while.â
â Wordsbymymind
Steps to Letting go of Painful Memories
1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesnât work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what has happened, in order to move on.
2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. Thereâs always a lesson â so look for what youâve learned. It doesnât make it better â but it does lessen its power.
3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when youâre hit by painful memories. For example, if youâve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: âMy experience of abuse does not determine who I am. Iâm a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. Iâm choosing my own future, and the person I will be.â
4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often â till you mean itâ then youâll start to feel youâre freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when the old memories return.
5. Seek to be a person whoâs a peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
6. When the past tries to intrude focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in whatâs happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply - and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; youâre not living in the past.
7. Forgive â for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened â then let resentments go. You donât want them in your life for theyâll just tie you to the past. You may need some help with this â but it is worth the daily struggle. It is a powerful tool for moving forward, and being free.
The truth
I want to finally get it out in its entirety.
I dated someone once for 7 years on and off, first time we met I was 13, and the last time I saw him was almost 3 years ago, but let me explain.
At 13 I met this person, coming from a broken home it was honestly the first time I had ever experienced love. Or so I thought. We broke up a year later because I was so ashamed of my home life that I created a lie about a perfect life thinking he would never want to meet my actual parents, I was wrong, he found out the truth and couldnât have slammed the door harder when he walked away. Fast forward to a year and half later I was sitting on a porch at 3 am smoking a cigarette and I thought to myself âI wonder if he would respond nowâ he did. And to this day I wish he hadnât. We reconnected, and for the next 5 years it was one of the worst experiences Iâve ever had. And I stayed because I kept telling myself âyou love him, he loves you, maybe this is normal.â The reality about it was that he would wake me up constantly to remind me how unworthy I was, I wasnât allowed to text anyone, I had to live in his parents house, under his total control, I was constantly accused every single day of being a liar and cheater. I was pulled out of showers, phones broken, bones broken. Woke up at 3 am being told that he didnât think I would be here for him and to walk 3 miles in the cold rain to a gas station to get a ride home. Iâve been slapped, choked, hit with anything available, dragged, abandoned, screamed at and beaten down. I was told to cover the bruises, keep it quiet or heâd kill me. 5 years, Iâll admit I left a few times, but I kept going back because I would believe that he would change when he said he had worked on. And Iâm sure there were some good moments but the funny thing is I can only remember is the pain. I believed the false promises that he would work on his anger and control issues and we would go on to be that high school sweetheart couple. There wasnât really a lot sweet about it to be completely honest. It honestly got to one point, where when we would have sex I would pretend I wasnât there, close my eyes and just think of somewhere safe. On the day I felt completely disconnected it was a nice warm Florida day. I was showering, when I came out I was greeted immediately by the accusation âyouâre a fucking liar, I knew I couldnât trust you.â My phone in his hand, I had dropped off my exâs w2 the day before because it was delivered to my grandmothers house, I told him I had done that. But he was so fucking high he didnât even remember. And so on that day he called the number in my phone to which my ex answered, and thus proceeded to attack me out of the shower. I immediately got quiet because I knew, if I responded âit would just get worse so shut upâ. He took my phone into the kitchen and shattered it on the tile, I immediately dropped to the floor thinking âokay well now whatâ he came up to me grabbed my hair screaming at me and drug me into his room âso I wouldnât bother his parents because I always ruin their dayâ and threw me against the dresser, screaming at me throwing things at me telling me to get the fuck out. As I got up, literally draped in a towel and went to walk past him to leave he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall, he had a grip so hard on my arms I couldnât feel my fingers, head butted me several times and then told me âgive me a fucking hug, youâre going to really leave me you fucking bitch you never loved me, Iâm not letting you leave.â Grabbed me and squeezed me so hard it broke my collarbone. Me screaming in pain was my savior, his mom came to my rescue, pushed him off of me and I will never forget the fear in her eyes when she said âgo, Stephanie, go nowâ I ran to my car and left. I remember crying the whole way to my grandmas house, no phone, no one there for me just alone. I remember feeling like I caused this, blaming myself. If I had just told him again, if I just mailed the w2 instead of meeting in a public place. If I had just been a better person.
I pressed charges. But they let him out and told me bruises werenât enough to send him to prison, âthink before you ruin someoneâs lifeâ and so I rebuilt my whole life. I lost myself then, but eventually I found parts of me again. Sometimes to this day I find myself placing the blame on me, But to be honest that the abuse talking, all these years later. All i can remember in those 7 years is how it felt, and the pain attached to it. I was scared for my life so many times until I honestly didnât care anymore because I convinced myself this was it for me. The suicide attempts to get away from it. The scars I still have that I have covered in ink, or donât respond to when questioned about it. The ptsd. Thatâs what I remember now, And thatâs okay. It was such a big lesson.
And so you ask why now? Why bring it up now? Just move on? Just let it go? Well. Because I never told anyone, I always protected his name even after. And I need to get it down, and at this point in my life I feel healed from it enough to be able to finally speak.
We all go through things. Invalidating ones experiences because you went through something isnât okay. We are all healing. We are all the safe to something so brutal no matter the size. Itâs all a part of the healing process, so donât discredit someone elseâs experiences because they are different from your own.
âI just wanna cover my feelings up with tattoos tbh.â
â (via alexashayyy)
ADHD brain during all hours of sunlight: our body will never leave this bed so help me god
ADHD brain at 3 in the morning: if we donât master the art of ballet Right This Fucking Instant we are going to die