i am so intrigued by the concept of virginity.
for the first 19 years of my life i was told that penetration was the end-all-be-all of sexual experience. i was taught that it was a big deal, a huge deal, and one that should not be taken lightly.
however, every time i told a guy that i was a virgin, it would immediately shut them down. they didn’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole. they wanted experience. they wanted someone who knew what they were doing. it became a topic of shame for me – a secret that i hid under a false sense of confidence.
at the time this made sense to me. however, after i had sex for the first time, i realized that i, as a person, did not feel any different. i felt like the same exact way i did an hour before, and a year before, and all the other times i wasted feeling embarrassed about my virginity.
then, after i was no longer a virgin, i noticed something different. i remember having a conversation with a few friends of mine about our ‘numbers’ – aka, how many people we have had sex with. at the time my number was only two, and they had both been serious relationships.
my guy friend, mark, high-fived me. ‘i always knew you were a good girl,’ he said. ‘that’s the kind of girl you marry.’
i remember feeling a sense of pride in that moment. i had officially found that sweet spot – i had the experience but i didn’t have the numbers. i could talk freely about sex but i had only had sex with men that i loved. i didn’t have the dirty stories, the bad sex, the embarrassing moments. that’s what guys wanted. they wanted a non-virgin virgin. a non-virgin that presents as a virgin.
now, i am older and not as easily influenced. my ‘number’ has gone up significantly. i also don’t give a shit about the concept of a number anymore, but have no problem telling people what it is (it’s 9). i reflect back on my relationship with virginity and sex and realize how ridiculous it all is. how society bases your worth and your relationships on whether or not you have ever experienced sexual intercourse. and once you have, how many people is deemed too much or too little.
if i could give any advice it would be this – virginity is a social construct. it really, truly is. having sex does not change you as a person. not having sex doesn’t change you as a person. you will not be changed, or dirty, or pure regardless of what you do. do not listen to anyone else, the magazines you read or all the mark’s of the world that might high-five you for ‘good behavior’.
just do whatever makes you happy. whatever makes you feel good. the rest will follow.
snowghoul
origamiaround
amandla
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
