❛ and peace ? ❜ ❛ ——— there will be darkness. ❜

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@smartmcuth-blog
❛ and peace ? ❜ ❛ ——— there will be darkness. ❜
GO AWAY.
“ alex? ” she spoke, barely above a whisper. nerves had taken over her body and her hands shook slightly under the sweater paws she’d hidden them with. the last time she had seen alex was when they were teenagers, when they were two kids who were on the edge of love. “ alex karev? it’s– it’s nirvana. ”
@smartmcuth .
umber hues dart t’wards voice only to return to tablet in hand ------ to give him a moment to think! he knows who she is; he’s known from the moment he saw her in the daycare center. how could he forget the face of someone who up & abandoned him? after a beat, the device falls to his side, corners of mouth quirking unconvincingly upward: GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY. these are not emotions he wishes to rehash.
❛ oh ------ yeah, uh ------ hey. ❜
ALEX : “ oh come on ! i gave you the room key before we left the freakin’ room ! ” JO : “ no you didn’t ! did you ? ” ALEX : “ you do this all the time ! you did this last week with the check for becky’s piano lesson . what is wrong with you ? ” JO : “ i’m sorry ! i’m so sorry. ”
Deep Ass Starters.
Sometimes it's hard to get in depth with your muse and their backstory, because you can't figure out how to bring those things up with others. Here are a couple of starters intended to make things a little more personal!
"What's holding you back?"
"I'm not comfortable with this conversation."
"Will you /ever/ be comfortable with this conversation?"
"Let me in sometime!"
"It's not that easy, you know."
"Help me understand."
"It's hard to connect with someone when all they do is push you away."
"Why are you always so cold?"
"Why are you always so happy?"
"Are you really happy now?"
"Who hurt you this badly to make you this way?!"
"What, did your ex mess you up that badly?!"
"Why do you keep fighting it any time you feel?"
"It's a problem, I get it."
"This is all kinds of messed up."
"That's not exactly a good coping method."
"So what happened, with your parents, really?"
"What was your childhood like?"
"Everyone has at lest a little bit of mommy/daddy issues. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"My parents aren't exactly perfect models, either."
"You were bullied? What for?"
"Was it hard? Coming out, I mean."
"You can't just run away all the time."
"You can't just hide all the time."
"Are you still thinking about them?"
"I'm not the enemy here. But this makes me wonder who the real one is for you."
"Is the reason you're so cold and defensive because you feel threatened?"
"How long has it been since you last spoke to them?"
"You never talk about it, why?"
"How come you're so different around them?"
"It's like you don't have a care or worry in the world."
"You seem so perfect. I don't get it."
"What was your ex like?"
"I don't think I was ever good enough for them."
"Are you not comfortable being intimate?"
"Why don't you feel comfortable being intimate?"
"Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it's a scary thing."
"Are you scared of being hurt?"
"Have you ever been taken advantage of?"
"Why are you afraid of saying I love you?"
"I never understood how someone could say those words so easily."
"You're hurting others the way you've been hurt in the past, don't you think that's ironic?"
"You use people to make yourself feel better."
"I'm scared of being used again..."
"Losing someone isn't easy, but you're making it harder than it needs to be."
"How long has it been since you lost them?"
"You're too attached."
"I'm not attached, I'm just comfortable with what I'm familiar to."
"Maybe the real reason you're so controlling is because, deep down you'd rather have them in your grasp than lose them."
"Why did you ever break up?" / "Why did we ever break up?"
HUMAN LIE DETECTOR.
“Are you Dr. Karev?” Gillian approached the man the nurse had pointed out to her. She had been called in to assist with a patient who was apparently a pathological liar, and who was also allegedly in a whole lot of trouble with the law. “I’m Dr. Foster. Gillian. I’m here to help with your patient, see if we can uncover the truth.” ( @smartmcuth )
skepticism is thinly veiled with an obligatory smile in greeting as attention is drawn away from the tablet in hand. ❛ right ------ the human lie detector. ❜ it’s nothing personal; he just has a hard time believing anyone can professionally play spot the liar & he’s surprised bailey even agreed to this. but hey, if this woman can help in any way, he’s not going to be the one to stop her. ❛ kid’s lied about everything since he got here ------ only thing we know for sure is that his name’s jonathon coleman and he’s seventeen. ❜
SAINT KEPNER.
“no, of course that’s not what i think, alex! you –– –– i hate to say this, but i’m going to say it anyway. you don’t understand it. you can’t, and that’s not your fault, you shouldn’t have to. it doesn’t make you lesser of a surgeon but you can’t understand what they’re feeling. don’t make it worse. giving them more details will confuse and alarm them. there’s no preparing. it’s just extra hours or days of awfulness.”
❛ yeah, because lying to them about their kid’s condition is so much better. whatever. you know so much about this? you can be the one who informs them if their kid doesn’t make it through the night ------ because there’s a good chance he won’t, and you know that. and do me a favor, next time a peds case comes through the e.r., page hunt. ❜
ANNOYING.
oooh, finally. a ( rather violent ) reaction! even in his harsh, lame attempt toward making her leave, cristina manages to settle in further, simmering in those circling thoughts… mindless, not even about anything in a chest cavity, for once. ❛ should i… have a morning routine? ❜ rhetorical, though the idea lingers. ❛ burke had a morning routine. george joined burke’s routine. meredith came up with an idea for one and we tried it out, but… didn’t stick. ❜ — it was the running. really, who were any of them kidding? eyes fall atop his head, lips pursed to the side, deliberately debating what to do next in order to at least get a murmur in response. his entertainment value had been declining by the second. so, ❛ hey, let’s go on a run. ❜
he lays there silent & still in the dismal hopes that she might go away if he doesn’t respond, eyes pinched shut, mouth contorted into a scowl; and yet despite his best efforts to come across as lifeless as possible, she continues. ( and continues and continues and ------ ) with a pointed huff, alex eventually rolls onto his back in defeat. even if he tried to go back to sleep at this point, he wouldn’t be able to. he’s too awake. ❛ maybe your morning routine should be leaving me the hell alone, ❜ he grouses, gaze fixed on the ceiling before he peeks a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. ❛ besides, you wouldn’t be able to keep up with me if we went on a run. ❜ partially mostly does he believe that, partially does he just want to get under her skin.
i have donuts & coffee. i am Content
AVERY.
smartmcuth // jackson avery.
“girls give me a headache.”
❛ dude ------ you’re tellin’ me. ❜
All the character development questions!!
@nodebt | character development meme | not accepting !! (duh)
Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?
alex’s siblings were considerably younger than him, as none of them were any semblance of planned. he is estranged from the rest of his family —— partially because his mother had no siblings, partially because his father alienated all relatives on his side. aaron is closest in age to him, but he served more as a parent than a brother. he’s probably closest to amber because although he protected both of them with all he had, amber was the one whose hair he braided in the morning, the one whose bed he fell asleep in while reading her stories, the ones who sat on his lap when they were watching television. that isn’t to say that he wasn’t close to aaron; he just had a particular bond with amber.
What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?
unfulfilled. even before her illness took hold, helen was fairly aloof —— both her & his father spent more time nursing a beer than they did taking care of him. still, she loved him; that was what mattered. she’d brush his hair before bed and pray for him to saint jude and bandage him up when he fell and she’d make him lasagna when they had the money because she knew it was his favorite. still, it was obvious that she had never intended to be a mother. she never gave up the lounge lizard lifestyle that she and jimmy had developed, even for him.
then she developed schizophrenia, and without the funds for proper medication, she spent more time in psychotic episodes than out of them. gone was the mother he knew & what was left were the hopes she would someday be herself again. he didn’t have enough time with her; she didn’t have the chance to really be his mom. all he had were the little snippets of memories with her, which was what he clung to when she became burdensome. they could have been so much more if they had the chance.
❛ you wanna explain to me how you let a schizophrenic get her hands on a freakin’ knife? ❜ he roars, timbre demanding & aggressive, hands gesturing in accordance. he trusted them to take care of his mother ------ better than he was ever able to. he put her in here. him. ( his fault. ) wholeheartedly does he believe that, but he is still in the lobby of her facility, screaming in the director’s face. maggie’s existence has been completely forgotten. ❛ you wanna ------ you wanna explain to me how it took ten minutes for someone to find her lyin’ in a pool of her own blood? are you kidding me? you guys are a joke. i moved her here so she would be safe, not so some jackass over the phone could tell me she’s fine every time i call and then screw around and let her hurt herself. you guys are done. you hear me? done. ❜
@wisdomrisen ; maggie liked
Character Development Questions: Hard Mode
i-see-light:
Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?
What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?
What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?
Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?
On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?
Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?
Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?
Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?
Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?
Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?
In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?
In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?
Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?
Does your character remember names or faces easier?
Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?
Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?
What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?
Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?
What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?
In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?
If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?
What does your character like in other people?
What does your character dislike in other people?
How quick is your character to trust someone else?
How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?
How does your character behave around children?
How does your character normally deal with confrontation?
How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?
What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?
What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?
Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.
Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.
In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?
Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?
How does your character behave around people they like?
How does your character behave around people they dislike?
Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?
Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?
Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?
How does your character treat people in service jobs?
Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?
Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?
Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?
How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?
What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?
am i bitter? yes. but do i try to move on and let go of past anger? well, actually, no
SIX.
‘ tale as old as tiiiime, song as old as rhyyyymee … beauty & theeee beeeeast ! ‘
open to mutuals.
❛ ------dude, you used to sing that song when you were six. how old are you? ❜
somber mantra reverberates within skull walls, repeats itself over and over and over. he clings to every syllable like it’s air and he’s drowning ; it wasn’t your fault. surgical cap is hastily removed from atop his head & shoved into the pocket of his scrubs. he had looked his patient’s parents in the eye, pushed them towards the riskier surgery, promised he could do it ------ after all, he’s the best! people come to him from miles, are told to just go see doctor alex karev at grey sloan. if anyone could do it, he could. ------ and the kid died on the table. it wasn’t your fault. this has happened countless times before, but it never gets easier. blank stare is fixed on the attendings lounge door, but all he can picture is the look on their faces when he told them that the life they entrusted him with had been lost under his care. it wasn’t your fault.
it’s only when arizona enters that he remembers to blink, straightens up against the couch, offers up a lip quirk meant to serve as a smile. ❛ you, uh ------ you just get out of surgery? ❜
@glorysoaked ; arizona liked
MAGGIE.
❛ my mom has CANCER . ❜ she trembles in place for a few seconds , a tear running down a flushed cheek as she allows herself to digest those words . ❛ oh my god , i was HORRIBLE . do you know what this means , alex ? she brought jackson to my house to tell me she has CANCER . & i shut her out because i cared too much about MYSELF to not realize how sick she was . i’m like a selfish , ugly MONSTER that throws her mother out when she has CANCER . my mom’s gonna die . she’s gonna hate me & then DIE . ❜ stature mirrors that of high school , a shivering body , cheeks damp with tears , pupils swimming within a broken pool of tears that build up . ❛ i threw my mom out & she has cancer & she’s going to die ! ❜
@smartmcuth // muse : maggie pierce
expression speaks for him: upturned brows furrowing the longer he listens, lips slowly forming a line, gaze dropping away from her briefly, only to return again. SYMPATHY; he would be beating himself up for it too. EMPATHY; he knows what it is to screw up with someone close to him & he knows what it is to face those consequences, but maggie’s mistake was just that ------ a mistake. ❛ you ------ you couldn’t have------ ❜ he pauses, head shaking almost imperceptibly as he collects his thoughts. ❛ look, there’s no way you could have known that. she can’t be pissed at you. i mean, yeah, you overreacted ------ but she’s your mom. she’ll get over it. it’s ------ it’s like what they do. she’s only gonna be pissed at you if you don’t show up for her. she has cancer. just show up for her. ❜
AMBER.
the longer amber looked at him , the more she felt that her chest was going to collapse . the radio silence was killing her , making her think that alex didn’t care that she’d come , that it didn’t matter that she was so angry with him . it took her by surprise , his arms wrapping around her so tightly & immediately the tears that had began to brim had burst ; a tiny sob escaping into her older brothers chest as her arms finally wrapped around him , too .
hold on her unwavering, fingers hesitantly card through wavy locks as a means of comfort. his chest tightens the same way it used to when she cried. ( what do they say about old habits? ) he is unsure how long they remain there ------ suspended. part of it is how much he’s missed her, part of it is not knowing what to say to her. it has been years. nothing he says is enough to make up for that, but he knows exactly what he wanted jimmy to come back and say after leaving, exactly what he needed to hear. ❛ i’m sorry, ❜ is mumbled to the crown of her head.