hi. I've been going through depression and anxiety since I was about 17 (23 now) and I feel stupid for it because I have no reason?my family is loving and I choose to not have many friends. i have a full time job but I still find it hard to be happy.
I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with both anxiety and depression for a very long time lovely. Both these things are so hard to deal with and I struggled with them both for a long time too but I am finally getting a hold on both these things.
I used to feel like you did too. My life was considered perfect, I had a loving family, great friends, I was at a great school, had a roof over my head and practically got everything (material) that I wanted. I was super lucky and I had no reason to be sad, there were people who had none of that and yet I am the one struggling and being sad. I just couldn’t wrap my head around why I was feeling like this when everything was/looked so perfect. But just because you have a full time job, a loving family and a few friends does not mean you cannot feel depressed. Sure to the outside (and even to yourself) your life looks great and you have the conditions to be happy but depression and anxiety does not work like that. They don’t discriminate and only people who have not very good lives can get it (even if people believe that) You do have a reason to feel this way and its called depression. The way you feel is as real as someone else who doesn’t have as good as a situation as you.
With both anxiety and depression you will have good days and bad days and sometimes you will find it hard to be happy but honestly things won’t be bad forever. Things can get better you just have to find things to manage both depression and anxiety.
Here are some things to manage depression
Set small goals, maybe set 1-3 small goals a day to complete. Whether that is getting out of bed, hang out with a friend or tidy your room doing something and then completing it will give you a sense of accomplishment making you feel better and motivated.
Reward yourself, when you have done something particularly hard or challenging reward yourself, whether that is with a new pair of shoes, a new book, that piece of cake you wanted or whatever else. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
Look after yourself, the first thing to go when we are depressed is looking after ourselves. Brushing our teeth, getting dressed or getting out of bed can seem daunting but it is important that you do that. Staying in bed all day despite seeming easier can actually make us feel worse. Just taking the time to brush our teeth can make us feel a lot better. Set an alarm on your phone or a reminder to make sure you do these things.
Sleep, it is no secret that sleep affects our mood so much and too little and too much sleep can make depression worse. Aim for around 7-8 hours per night and try and keep the bed time consistent.
Eat and drink the right things, avoiding things like caffeine, alcohol and eating things that do not make you feel worse can make your depression better. What we eat and drink has a direct correlation to how we feel.
Get into a routine, if you map out a plan or routine it can make managing things easier. You will know that you need to get out of bed every morning, brush your teeth, get dressed, eat at this time, go to sleep at this time. You will be so used to it you’ll just end up doing it instead of staying in bed all day.
Avoid triggers, there are certain things that may trigger your depression more than others so avoiding them as best as you can will help to reduce the overwhelming feeling of depression.
Not isolating yourself. Hanging out with friends, talking to them about what is going on can really help you not feel so lonely.
Laugh, I learnt this simple trick in therapy. Put on a funny film, tv series or YouTube video and laugh at it. Laughing just makes you feel so much better that and smiling try it.
Do things that you enjoy, doing things you enjoy can increase your mood, it’ll make you feel better and put a smile on your face.
Get active and go for a walk, exercise works wonders for depression. It creates hormones that make you feel good and getting out in the sunshine for a brisk walk really does make you feel better.
Challenge negative thoughts, it is hard to be positive when you are suffering with depression as your mind is consumed with negative thoughts, whenever you feel negative thoughts do not concentrate on them instead remove them from your mind and think positive thoughts.
Remain positive, like mentioned above it is much more easier to be negative than positive so try and tell yourself every morning or when you need it that you can do this that depression will not win.
Learn some relaxation techniques, meditation,mindfulness and other relaxation techniques can really help with your emotions and depression it can help clear your mind of some of those thoughts.
Journal, writing down how we feel can help us be aware of our triggers or when our depression strikes the most, it can also help us realise how much we have improved.
Create a self care box, this is a box that entails all the things that make you happy or make you feel better so when you are having a bad day you can just get it out and use it. It can be filled with a comfort blanket/teddy, your favourite film, your favourite book, an colouring book, some pencils, or markers, some of your favourite snacks, a hair mask, nail polish, a face mask, candles, bath bombs, a video game etc.
Here are some things to manage anxiety
Breathing exercises, this will help calm you down during anxiety attacks or when your anxious thoughts are flaring up. I tend to something known as the square breathing technique where you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds and then breathe out over 4 seconds and hold it for 4 seconds. There are other techniques that you can try and can be found with a quick Google search finding one that works for you is important.
Muscle relaxation involves tensing all your muscles and then releasing that tension, starting with the toes and moving up. You can read more about it and why it works here.
Guided imagery involves thinking of positive images that helps calm down stress/anxiety. You can read more about it here. I tend to always go to my happy place which is the beach and imagine all the sights and sounds and other senses it really helps me feel more calm and improves my mood too.
Yoga/meditation, both of these help clear and calm the mind. There are tons of YouTube videos that talk you through different types of yoga and meditation. Also many leisure centres or fitness groups can be found that do meditation and yoga so maybe trying out one of those will help.
Grounding techniques, this will help bring you back to reality as attacks can sometimes make you zone out and dissociate but by using these grounding techniques they can hopefully help you return to the present moment.
Calming music, I have a playlist that I play whenever I am feeling particularly anxious or are reviving from an attack and concentrating on the music and words really helps my breathing and other feeling of anxiety return to normal.
Taking a relaxing bath always helps me, I have bath bombs and candles and I read my book in there and when I come out I feel so relaxed.
Distractions are really useful as sometimes what we are anxious about isn’t really worth being anxious about especially if we can’t control the outcome so sometimes distracting our mind from the anxious thought can really be useful.
Reassurance, sometimes reassuring yourself that everything is going to be okay and that there is no need to worry can really help during those anxious thoughts or attacks.Don’t suffer alone, if you are feeling particularly bad then open up to people and surround yourself with those who will uplift and support you. Having someone to vent to and having someone who can turn up and try and help improve how you feel can make the world of difference.
Avoid caffeine, caffeine effects our mood and how we feel so avoiding or limiting caffeine can help with anxious feelings.Eat the right foods, what we eat can have a direct impact on how we feel so it is important to eat the right things and sometimes foods can trigger how we feel so I would avoid the ones that make you feel not so great.
Get a good nights sleep, it is no secret that sleep again effects our moods and how we feel, getting little to no sleep isn’t healthy so you should aim for at least 7-8 hours per night.Set small goals, set 1-3 small achievable goals that you aim to complete, hang out with friends, attend school or anything else that you find somewhat hard to accomplish. Accomplishing the goals will give you a sense of achievement and have reasons to fight.Reward yourself, when you have done something particularly challenging or accomplished a small goal reward yourself. This can be with something like a new top, your favourite sweets or anything else that makes you feel good.
Have you thought about or are you receiving professional help? Professionals can help you manage the way you are feeling and give you some useful ideas and techniques of how you can manage both anxiety and depression. They can provide a safe place for you to discuss how you are feeling and then will be able to help you. We all need support and professional help is a really useful support to have when we are struggling.
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