Black Dahlia

[free-my-mindd]

- Charles Bukowski

[smileystephie-blog]

Runaway

Stop this train. Give it a listen. It’s in my head on repeat along with the sound of waves. The cold sand beneath my feet and the glittery lights on the water. I wish this was the place I called my location. My one true home. Nothing can hurt me there. Nobody can break my heart. In the still quiet staring into the blue I find my peace. Along those glittery dancing lights I find my happiness. My sense of adventure. I want to go home again. I want to stop these things creeping in. Take me home again.

Stop this train.

[smileystephie-blog]

My heart hurts. I took these amazing pictures only a few weeks ago. I can not imagine going back to this beautiful place in the condition that it’s in now. Prayers go out to those who have lost everything and to my friends close and effected please stay safe and reach out if anything. For those who want to donate to the shelter please pm me and to those who want to volunteer with the Red Cross, any help we can receive is welcome. 💔🙏🏼 (at Carpinteria State Beach)

[smileystephie-blog]

Unsure

Don't know if I'm going to get this job tomorrow. Fingers crossed

[smileystephie-blog]

Boundless & infinite

[smileystephie-blog]

Crazy to think back to how many things have changed in a year. How different of a place I am in mentally and how many wonderful people have come into my life since then. It's crazy to think about but every time I do I can't help but feel truly blessed. #everythinghaschanged #blessed ❥

[smileystephie-blog]

Frustrated

For once just once I wish someone would make the plans. I wish someone would surprise me. I wish someone would go above and beyond to show how proud they are of me. Just once. Is that really too much to ask?

[smileystephie-blog]

Fear

I'm afraid to let you behind my walls I've spent years building up. I'm afraid to feel that kind of pain again. My past will forever haunt my faith and it scares me. Everything in me is telling me to just let go and jump. Leap into your loving arms and never let go. You've seen pain and hurt. You've cried the tears. You've uttered the words. So why can't I utter mine. Goes without saying you see it in my eyes. You've seen the pain you've seen the joy you've seen the tears. It goes without saying that I'll never leave here. I love you. I love you. I love you. My pain and my fears you've seen them all. You've seen me run and held onto me so I wouldn't fall. Truth is I did. I fell for you. I have nothing left to bargain. You know it all. Every painful memory every scar. Every smile. Ever look. You've seen it all. Why haven't you run I ask. Why haven't you fled from it all. Because maybe just maybe you love me too. I wish I knew.

[smileystephie-blog]

The Unknown.

When they told me I Had cancer, and again lying in the middle of the road after that car hit me. I didn't want to miss life. Not fearing death. afraid of missing life while I'm living it still. afraid that I would never have kids. Afraid to take a chance. afraid that I would leave my mother alone. Afraid this would be my last dance. that nobody would ever love me like I loved them. Afraid of finding true love, or the lack of one that's true. afraid of my niece and nephew growing up never truly having anyone there for them. The abandonment that rummaged in my ribs. afraid of the things I would miss. Afraid of the things I'd seen. Afraid of the unknown as I walked so closely this road alone.

[smileystephie-blog]

Story

The moment you share your story with a complete stranger. You liberate. The weight of the world falls off your shoulders. Because if even for only a moment you've shared some big intimate secret with a piece of the world. The small stillness of it all can put your soul to rest. There's comfort in knowing that someone has seen all the broken parts and knows all the torn bits and still sees beauty. Beauty is so fleeting we never know where it might catch. It could be a photo lense or the eye of someone we love. Wherever it may go follow that stillness that soothes the soul. Because you never know just when it'll be back around.

[smileystephie-blog]

Free

My soul is finally at peace. The freedom of the ocean surrounding me with light. I had almost forgotten what it meant to breathe the fresh air of summer. To admire the swaying trees or what it meant to truly fly. The beauty of the flowers surrounding me with the meaning of the world. As I sigh with an open heart I fly because you’ve set me free. You’ve opened up my heart and soul and set this black bird free. I havnt found my place under the sun. Women like me were meant to walk along the moon and spread the light among the darkness; My broken wings are a mere memory. You’ve set me free. You’ve set this black bird free.

[smileystephie-blog]

•May 12th• Today's the day. At the place where it all began I can't help but remember the crazy rollercoaster of life from 17 to now. I've found that when life kept moving despite how much I didn't want it to, I moved with it. In doing so I got stronger and found myself with the help of amazing souls. I've fought through impossible situations to get here, therefore today of all days I rest. #may12th #endofchapter 🦋 (at Carpinteria, California)

[michaelrian-deactivated20160808]

MR

[smileystephie-blog]

Let's do this. #blessed #thankyouLord. ☀️

[midnightjellys]

starting a girl gang of girls aggressively supporting other girls so reblog if you want in because if we get enough people we’re getting jackets

[i-love-you-from-a-distance]

Be with someone who is proud of you.

Someone who, first and foremost, takes pride in being with you and wouldn’t dream of keeping you on the down low. Someone who acknowledge your accomplishments and your strengths, but is also there to help you when your weaknesses get the best of you. Someone who is proud when you succeed and supports you fully, but is also there to pick you up when you fall down. Someone who feels blessed and lucky to have you and appreciates you and your efforts no matter how little or big they may be. Someone who knows that nobody could compare because they’ve already found someone who embodies all that they’ve ever wanted.

[absentions]

it’s so rare that you meet someone who makes you feel so warm and happy like they are like sunshine and you just want them around all the time