so i’ve been in relationship for 2 years but it feels like everyday is a battle with my man, staying longer in this relationship was really not an intention at first, as i am hesitant that this wont work because most of long distance interracial relationship end up goodbyes.today i am writing this because i come up to the point that i am very confuse about where am at right now. for the past 2 years i have become very dependent to the thought that i have a partner, i have become dependent to those words " i love you" when im not sure if he meant it or i don’t know. this person ive been with for the past 2 years has given me nothing but pain, heartaches, humiliation, confusion, emotional abuse and most of all, low self esteem. but despite of that i cant say goodbye to him. even i didn't know enough about him aside from he have a dog, living in an apartment, depressed all the time, got 5 records of a felony in the past, he have a mom living in California that is sick, i dont even know her name and he have a sister where he's not in good terms with his brother in law, and a non reader gangster best friend that he call "sauce boss"Every time we talk on the phone he always make me understand how hard his life in america. where that stops me from asking questions about his plans for us. he told me that im all he's got and he plans to move here the Philippines (my country) to retire and spend his last day.I am still young, i am very independent and hardworking woman, i have my own place, a stable career and some savings. So i thought Ok, we can do it together. and that thought becomes so underrated that i have to disregard my dreams, such as getting married like walking down the isle, to travel the world and see the grand canyon, to have y own animal facility. those were very meaningful to me, but i have to disregard those because i felt the pressure to work hard so i can build a home for him, make sure that when that time comes hes's comfortable and i will be able to provide everything for him. despite of the love and dedication i have for him he always managed to ignore me, and hurt me with his sharp language. and he comes back being oblivious to the pain that he cause me through his language and excused him self that he spoke out of anger and he's sorry. and then i forgave him because thats love, is to always forgive. i loved him, im sure ill be dead if he's gone. but one question that hits me was, was i really living with him? was i really happy the way he treated me. was it the life that i wanted, is he worth every sacrifices i do? why i am asking myself these questions? is there something wrong with me?or do deserve to be treated this way?
#relationshipbattles
