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SOMEONE BE AS MAD AT THIS AS I AM.

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This year I am thankful for naan.

I’m conscientiously objecting to Thanksgiving dinner with my family this year, in favor of sleeping in, not driving, and avoiding small talk, and now having an irresponsible quantity of Indian food delivered and getting ready to scare myself shitless by watching Ma in the dark.

It is easily one of my top 5 best mental health choices of the year.

I hope you’re all having an equally wondrous and…

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This year I am thankful for Netflix and pajamas. Texting a friend after a chat with my boss...

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Kristen Bell IS a goddamn goddess, though...

Kristen Bell IS a goddamn goddess, though…

I went to CVS today and their magazine rack was like, “Hey, you haven’t felt super bad about yourself in a while. Want us to fix that for ya?”

I SURE AS SHIT DO, CVS! Not only that, I will happily pay for the privilege!

Also, yes, that is definitely what every woman I know wears to the gym. Forkin’ NAILED it. 🙄

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I don’t want to ride ANY disco sticks. I’m starting to wonder if Facebook knows something about my vagina that I don’t. But, point of order: No one’s vagina likes disco.

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You know what? No.

My therapist told me to pay attention to my feeeelings and ask myself “Why?” when I don’t feel like doing something, and “I don’t goddamn feel like it and you’re not my mom” is not an acceptable answer.

And this is where mood stuff gets dumb. Because what’s she’s saying is that depression can look a lot like “being a lazyfuck garbage monster,” and we have to determine which one I’m doing, and,…

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Annual reminder I’m not getting laid

Gynecologist: “Any pain during sex?”

Me: “Hahahaha, it’s very sweet of you to assume I have any current data on that.”

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There is less white trash at a cotton ball factory.

This more than likely makes me a bitch, but whatever…

My therapist is trying to get me to stop saying I’m white trash, but today I learned my father proposed to his second wife in an IHOP in 1985, and she ACCEPTED. So when I talk to my therapist tomorrow, I’m looking forward to seeing her trying to therapize THAT, and tell me white trash is not in my DNA somewhere.

Wait, do those 23 and Me kits…

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NO.

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Netflix made me do it.

Netflix made me do it.

I just noticed a Netflix miniseries about a grandfather in Ohio they tracked down and put on trial for being a particularly evil Nazi prison guard, and HELL, YES, “add to my list,” even after I spent my weekend being gutted by Unbelievable and American Son and no, really, men who might like me, I SWEAR I’m fun.

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Sir Mix-a-Lot didn't sanction this.

Sir Mix-a-Lot didn’t sanction this.

*blink*   What the fruit-scented fuck is this?

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In case of emergency, follow the arrows. This sweater is designed to let everyone know EXACTLY where my vagina is.

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I am feeling emotions. I don’t care for it. Unbelievable on Netflix is the best show that I can’t actually recommend. I don’t normally HAVE feelings, and even *I* alternated flinching and nausea. It would be wonderful if it hadn’t really happened.

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Don’t take away my hobbies.

“Stop beating yourself up.”

“But beating myself up is my cardio.”

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Depression is expensive

Describing my past week or so to the therapist…

Therapist: “So…do me a favor and keep an eye on that, because that could be depression creeping back in.”

Me: “Um, nope. No, it’s not, because I JUST paid $85 to see the nice lady with the meds, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m paying it again before my next appointment.”

Time to see if I can “cheap” my way out of a mood disorder!

(I am not doing the…

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The “D” in my DNA is for “disgust” Hi, my father just shared this on Facebook with a “Hee,” so if you need me I’ll be jumping out a window.

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Well, that seems perfectly normal… It’s probably somehow significant that I’m listening to an audiobook about sexual assault, and so far the only time I’ve needed an emotional break is the chapter that begins with the 2016 election.