READY FOR IT?

Alexandre Smythe, but you already knew that. Maybe if you're lucky I'll spend 10/10 screentimes shirtless.

[afairfight]

I hope you’re somewhere praying

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

That sounds adorable. I have to admit that I was expecting a Persian of some sort based on that name, and seeing what your sister is like. She sounds super cute, though. I can’t imagine flying down to Australia, especially for just a day, but I possibly would if I could for a cat.

Funny thing about being related to people is, you share DNA but you’re not 100% alike. Generally when I travel I’d like to spend more time wherever I’m going, but I’d been enough to feel fine picking her up and leaving so she could get acquainted with my apartment while she was still young.

[smythealexandre]

rivpuckerman:

oh my god… rich people are ridiculous. 

you could use that money on something worthwhile… like… charity. or a shitton of drugs. 

The Smythe’s donate thousands of dollars a year to multiple charities and stay clear of drugs (other than Anastasia, she has a catnip problem), a clear mind is the best way to get far in life. 

[smythealexandre]

warblastian:

I’m don’t to throw money at my problems, Alex, at least I try not to. I might have to pull out the gold card for this one though. I was just telling Elle that we need to win the first competition so that we get that prize cabin and ditch those Colombian drug mules. 

Then how do you fix anything? My washing machine broke last week and I was like screw calling someone to fix it, I’ll buy a new one. I’ve no doubt we’ll be winning anyhow... if we don’t I’m positive we’re going to catch bed bugs being around all of these people. 

[smythealexandre]

eloisesmythe:

Philippe is a royal puppy and I will not tolerate such slander about him! But, if you’re going to be so bratty about it, I’ll keep an eye on him. I assure you, Anastasia is in no trouble. 

When it doubt, pick up the phone and give our attorney a call. That’s the only way to get anything done with these snakes in the entertainment industry. 

You got bratty first! A brat for a brat. All’s fair in love and family, my darling sister.

I tried calling dad all night, he can usually get things done faster than I can. Mostly because I get too bored.

[sitcomrpg]

#glamping

[smythealexandre]

veryvalentina:

The amount of followers contradicts your theory so I don’t really care. How do you know all this algorithm stuff anyway? You obviously aren’t flying anywhere near my radar or I would have heard of you.

My followers are primarily UK based, perhaps that’s the difference. My followers have class and yours don’t.

[smythealexandre]

franklyfabray:

You seem both goofy and pretentious and I’d love to be able to study that combination. 

Being studied sounds troubling, but for a pretty girl, I can get over it.

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

Not trying to be heartless and not trying to win that way. Thanks for the tip, though.

…Because nature? The experience? Because an activity you did forced you? Did you not even do Boy Scouts or anything? I definitely did Girl Scouts until it cost too much money. 

Riiight, right.

No, ew, no. We were never forced to pretend to be poor as an activity for a weekend.

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

Don’t worry. I’m all about the consent. And, well, pussies love me. All kinds.

Is she a specific breed or are we talking about a basic domestic short/medium/longhair?

Beautiful.

Ah, my darling Anastasia, where do I begin? She’s a two year old Ashera, bred from the African Serval and Asian Leopard cats. There’s nothing basic about my baby, I literally flew to Australia for a day to pick her up from the breeder.

[smythealexandre]

eloisesmythe:

Stop copying me! You only brought that ridiculous cat after I got approval to bring dear Phillipe. I am not responsible for him protecting himself!

Good luck finding a cook in the state of Ohio who can make anything other than grease covered sludge and grog. Luckily, I called ahead and requested vegan options for every meal. Maybe I’ll make it out with only a minor gastric bypass surgery necessary. 

Maybe, if you can keep that pretentious mutt under control for .5 seconds the cuteness factor of us + our pets will win the hearts of America. A puppy covered in $100,000 cat blood, though? Not so much.

I’m working on that. For my abs and Anastasia’s delicate pallett’s sake.

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

So I’ve heard. As much as I hate admitting it, I wouldn’t mind petting that pussy a little bit, too. It’s not the main pussy I’m looking for, though.

I will allow one pet, if Anastasia approves, of course.  Consent is important, after all.

[sitcomrpg]

#glamping

[smythealexandre]

veryvalentina:

I’m not ashamed in pulling out the stops to bring in new followers. However, I don’t buy my fans. I don’t need robots who won’t end up liking or commenting, I need people telling me I’m pretty on a constant or my light will go out like Tinkerbell. 

It’s aggressive and annoying which actively gets people less followers, but you know what, if you don’t understand the algorithms, that’s your problem. I was just trying to save all of us from the hashtag hurricane.

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

Nice use of the word “pussy” to attempt to get some positive attention and excitement. Key word being “attempt”.

Have you seriously never been camping? This barely even counts since they’re giving us actual shelter. And I don’t think they’re necessarily keeping salmon around, especially not for your pets.

Cute, but I don’t attempt to do anything. I just do it. Nice attempt at the whole angry lesbian who will inevitably grow a heart over the course of the show, though. It’s a nice attempt at trying to win. Overdone, of course, but a good try nonetheless.

Why would I subject myself to this without actual reason? 

[smythealexandre]

franklyfabray:

Even being a twin, it is more than confusing to see two of most of you. Anyway, to kick off what feels like the start to a seriously low budget horror film, I’m Quinn and I’m truly looking forward to beating all of you.

Luckily for you, Sebastian missed out on getting to actually share this face with me, our DNA is another story. You mention a ‘low budget’... the show has a big one though, right?

[sitcomrpg]

#glamping

[smythealexandre]

veryvalentina:

#campgemini #teamlopez #cabin7 #mtv #camp #wonderlust #travel #onset #outdoors #greatoutdoors #expore #adventure #wildlife #nature #freedom #summer #endlesssummer #bestsummerever #campgram #travelgram

Hey there, bitches. It’s me, Valentina. ¼ of the Lopez tribe located in cabin 7. I know, my face looks really familiar. It’s probably because either you or your boyfriend have drolled over my instagram. While being #instafamous doesn’t make me better than you, it does mean I have a ton of fans willing to troll you into hell if you fuck with me. Glad we got that out of the way. How is everyone else doing? 

If you’re that desperate for followers I’ll buy you some to keep you from doing all of that horrendous hashtagging.

[smythealexandre]

rivpuckerman:

i feel like i haven’t met this many new people at once since like high school. probs part of the reason why i never finished. anyway, im riv and if any one of you fuckers makes an 8 mile joke about my hair i’ll lose myself all over your face. 

Unless you have $20,000, which is what my face is insured for, I wouldn’t do that.

Also, I don’t know what kind of joke anyone would make... unless it’s about your hair looking incredibly poor and criminal.

[smythealexandre]

sarahfuckerman:

Well, I guess it’s time for all of you to meet the leader of the soon to be winning team. The name’s Sarah, the youngest - and smartest - of the Puckerman clan. I’m 21, tons of fun, and ready to kick some ass. So, let the games begin and let the best family win. 

And if any ladies start to feel a little lonely, I have a great cure for that.

Not a lady, but I did bring my pussy.