― 𝓈𝓂𝓎𝓉𝒽𝑒.

[smythes]

lucky ⇄ sebastian

LUCKY: I'm not the type of girl to be stood up.

SEBASTIAN: apparently you are.

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: I do care so much.

JAMISON: I'm coming over.

SEBASTIAN: good.

SEBASTIAN: i've missed your dick.

SEBASTIAN: and the rest of you, i suppose.

[smythes]

TOPPER ⇄ ASS

TOPPER: wtf, i totally could.

TOPPER: are you trying to get me to fuck your boyfriend, ass? that's kinda weird if u r

TOPPER: pls, they're all always satisfied, they're just not happy with being ghosted after

TOPPER: lmfao, whatever you say, as. if that's what you need to believe

TOPPER: like whut?

TOPPER: i didn't say it was? i just think it could be fun plus genetically it would be your kid too, right? like it could be your kid.

TOPPER: i could handle it, i just didn't want to

SEBASTIAN: not particularly, no.

SEBASTIAN: fair enough, i guess. can you quit doing that, though? dump them over text, at least, i'm sick of dealing with the whining from these chicks.

SEBASTIAN: it's a proven fact.

SEBASTIAN: it couldn't be my kid. i've never slept with a woman before, and i'm not about to start anytime soon.

SEBASTIAN: you're a dick, you know that?

[smythes]

FELICIA 📲 SEBASTIAN.

FELICIA: Truly not.

FELICIA: How sad.

FELICIA: Does hearing about your brother abilities would make you feel better or worse?

SEBASTIAN: his abilities? i wasn't aware that was something he had.

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: Is he going to be home?

JAMISON: I don't see why you don't just come here.

SEBASTIAN: i told him to put on his headphones.

SEBASTIAN: you could come here, if you care so much. but i'm tired, and in bed, and i'm not moving.

[smythes]

TOPPER ⇄ ASS

TOPPER: i could have him if i wanted him.

TOPPER: pff, i don't need luck. i just don't fuck nerds.

TOPPER: riiiight, and i don't lay down the pipe like a god.

TOPPER: that's both a lie, btw. bc i am a god when it comes to that.

TOPPER: nope, it's part of my dna now

TOPPER: wtf? why not? why would you raise my kid for me?

TOPPER: that's what a baby mama and nannies are for.

TOPPER: yeah, but plants don't cry when they're hungry, dumbass

SEBASTIAN: sure you could, buddy.

SEBASTIAN: ...why not? that's a weird hill to die on. just because he's a nerd, it doesn't mean he's not hot.

SEBASTIAN: really? because that's not what i've heard from your little lady friends.

SEBASTIAN: you must just be hearing things inside your head again. i don't scream, i groan. like a man.

SEBASTIAN: why are you like this?

SEBASTIAN: if you've got some sort of pregnancy kink, that's on you, dude. i don't care if the little brat looks like me, it's not my responsibility.

SEBASTIAN: no, they just die.

SEBASTIAN: the point is that they're much easier than a child, and you couldn't handle it.

[smythes]

TOPPER ⇄ ASS

TOPPER: ???

TOPPER: yeah? might have to take a taste then 👀

TOPPER: for real? damn, surprising. then again, makes the screaming make sense.

TOPPER: love u too, assy 😙

TOPPER: no slaps, just having some fun. I don't think, at least. Been tryna nail this one biddy down, she's hot af. might make her a baby mama just to shake things up, who knows? not me lol

SEBASTIAN: ha.

SEBASTIAN: good luck.

SEBASTIAN: i don't /scream/.

SEBASTIAN: at any point are you planning on dropping that little nickname?

SEBASTIAN: you are absolutely not making a baby mama out of someone. i'm not raising a kid for you.

SEBASTIAN: i asked you to water my plants when i was on tour, and they all died.

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: Did you do something?

JAMISON: No. You're perfect. I just miss you.

JAMISON: I'll call you tonight?

SEBASTIAN: better.

SEBASTIAN: i'll be waiting.

SEBASTIAN: probably naked.

[smythes]

lucky ⇄ sebastian

LUCKY: Not important. It's just what he deserves, that's all.

SEBASTIAN: i'd like to know why you're wishing my brother poorly.

[smythes]

FELICIA 📲 SEBASTIAN.

FELICIA: That's why I keep you around.

FELICIA: Oh, empty nest already?

SEBASTIAN: that, and i'm not bad to look at.

SEBASTIAN: sounds like it.

[smythes]

puck ⇄ sebastian

PUCK: I have to get like..a gift for Fe's birthday. It's in a month, but you know how she is.

SEBASTIAN: you're asking me to pick it out?

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: Yeah. He's okay.

JAMISON: I'm not tired, I'm just not really in the mood to cyber fuck you with an audience.

JAMISON: We'll just wait for the weekend.

JAMISON: I'll see you Friday?

SEBASTIAN: okay?????????????????????????

SEBASTIAN: did i do something?

[smythes]

lucky ⇄ sebastian

LUCKY: It's what he deserves. ✨

SEBASTIAN: harsh.

SEBASTIAN: for what, exactly?

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: Yeah...I might take a break, I have a jealous boyfriend.

JAMISON: I might be too tired to listen to Topper's weird obsession with our sex life.

JAMISON: Desperate?

JAMISON: Am I? I try.

SEBASTIAN: he sounds hot

SEBASTIAN: you're too tired to look at my naked body?

SEBASTIAN: rude.

SEBASTIAN: i have blackmail on him, maybe i can use some of it to convince him to get out of the apartment for a half hour

SEBASTIAN: you do? to be cute?

[smythes]

FELICIA 📲 SEBASTIAN.

FELICIA: Perfect then.

FELICIA: I just wanted to check we were on the same standard, because that means I'm on the right path.

FELICIA: How is your goat child?

SEBASTIAN: good. you are, i've got pretty much all of it figured out, so...

SEBASTIAN: all grown up and moved out to the barn, apparently.

[smythes]

sebastian ⇄ jamison

JAMISON: Shopping? Why?

JAMISON: I've missed you too. And yes, I miss it. You know I do.

JAMISON: I thought you were too tired?

JAMISON: I mean, I don't love when I have to listen to your brother emulate my moans...kind of ruins the mood.

JAMISON: But I guess I'm desperate enough.

JAMISON: I've never heard of facetime, you'll have to explain it to me, babe.

SEBASTIAN: you'll see.

SEBASTIAN: you could always get another baby one, right?

SEBASTIAN: i mean, i'm not too tired to lay down on my bed.

SEBASTIAN: the worst part about it is how accurate he can get. it's freaky.

SEBASTIAN: mm. that's how i like 'em.

SEBASTIAN: you're cute.

[smythes]

lucky ⇄ sebastian

LUCKY: No voodoo, I just assume that could be the only possible reason he hasn't called me since I gave him my number.

LUCKY: But it's good to know he has no taste.

SEBASTIAN: he's a very busy man.

SEBASTIAN: just last night, he decided to eat an entire taco party pack from taco bell, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening hanging out in our bathroom.