"Bonnie I—" You... you fail miserably at not sounding angry. You try to shift your tone, you tried so, so very hard to and maybe they won't believe you, and maybe they will hate you... they already hate you, so maybe they'll hate you more. Maybe you'll upset them, you don't think you really get angry—noticeably angry, anyway. Will that scare them? They're already scared too, aren't they? They're scared of a lot more harrowing things than a typical kid should be (and part of that is your fault, isn't it?)
So you make a promise. Not that you've been any good at keeping those in their eyes. But you don't really care if it makes a difference. You have to draw a line somewhere. They have to know. You speak, sternly, instantly, with every ounce of your body taking offense to their outcry.
"I would never leave you." Not once, not ever!!! Never, never, never!!!!!! But, stars, Bonnie thinks you would though, don't they? Oh, it makes you sick. It's a losing game, your every action misunderstood, it's hard not to bow to your frustrations. But this is one thing you refuse to leave misconstrued.
Above all else, you've never once wanted to leave your friends. To stay with them, that's what you want, right? Of course. Absolutely. Forever, if you were greedy enough to admit to it. That's one thing you've always been sure of. You'd never leave them. And you know you're doing an awful job at that, and that the Universe seems to have placed you in a horrendous conundrum that puts that truth into question. But now Bonnie is here, and you can honor that. Prove it. Whatever you have to do.
But it's so hard to say that, isn't it? To put it into words. How desperately you want to, and have, and will stay with them. It's... it's embarrassing, isn't it? Kind of? You're not ashamed of it, but to admit to it feels like a weakness. You're fine on your own, you've been fine on your own, you think. But the truth reveals itself to you so easily, it warms you to your core... being with them, with Bonnie and the others, it's the happiest you've ever felt, you think. You've said it before, so why is it so hard to say now, when it's needed, when the timing is finally right?!?
It may not be the right words, what comes out of your mouth next. Those words might never leave the confines of your mind. Whether it be embarrassment or fear or weakness that locks them away, you don't know. But you can say something, reassurance, not that you have been any inch of that right now... but, please, you think, let it be good enough this time.
"I'm... staying here." You didn't think you'd have to argue your agency, but you will if you must, "I'm not going anywhere. Just... right here..." You clasp your desperate, clammy hands together and set them firmly in your lap. You don't know what to do with the rest of yourself, being bereft the weight of your cloak just makes you feel more anxious about your every move given the fact you can no longer hide away.
Hesitance takes over. You... you're not going to leave. You know that. You will stay. No matter what. You're not budging on that much. But, when you look over at Bonnie, you find yourself compelled to add a small, desperate plea...
