I FUCKING HATE YOUR ABUSIVE BULLSHIT
You fucking fake egotistical asshole. I saw it when you spoke to Caleb. I saw it in Caleb. I saw it in all of you and I knew my gut was right but I just wanted to belive in love.
I want to rot in the ground
I deserve to rot in the fuckinb ground
Nobody is ever going to love me
Nobody wants to deal with a bipolar chick who think everyone hates or is out to be abused by everyone she meets
I’m a useless fucking friend/girlfriend/daughter
I’m writing my notes to my family.
This will not go on any longer. I’d rather be bleeding out in a field alone then stay alive another day just to see everyone around me feel disgusted by who I am. I’m nothing but a waste of human life. I only post here Bc no one I’ve ever known sees it. I need help Bc nobody cares to see I need it
I scream for help but nobody hears it. So I’ll just post my pain here where nobody can call me an attention seeker. I deserve nothing. I was reminded of that every day for 365 days. When I thought maybe how toxic I was wasn’t so bad and that I was a good person. But now everyone I surround myself with shows me how much they don’t care and how they never did care. I lost my best friend just because I wanted to let her know that the other was using/manipulating her but it’s me who’s the bad guy and she chose her over me. She chose everyone that I believed to be harmful to the psyche but I guess I was the harm. I mean it when I say I’m done. I want to lay down and die just as alone as I’ve been for years. I’m tired of screaming for help and nobody even caring to give a fucking hug
I can’t provide life
I can’t provide happiness
I can’t provide security
I can’t provide love
I can’t provide friendship
I can’t provide stability
I can’t move on from trauma alone
My truama is my fault
It’s my fault for my abuse
I deserved my abuser because of the decisions I made
I knew how he was and I still believed he loved me as he slung me around and ripped the clothes of my body while screaming I couldn’t hurt him
I still believed he loved me as he broke my nose and gaslighted me into making it my fault
I believed he loved me as he cheated on me and would beat me senseless Bc I couldn’t ever prove that I wasn’t cheating
Now the man I’m with just wants to ruin me till when I wake up alone, nothing left, and the verge of overdose.
I have nothing left. I’m broken. I’m alone. I’m beaten. This is not a poem. It’s just my last vent to my problems
Thank you Caleb Dean Sharp. For showing and reminding me how useless I was and how I’m worth nothing.
“You’re so stupid and useless you can’t even fucking get pregnant. The one thing a woman is supposed to do and you can’t even do that”. That will stick to the end. The last thoughts in my head before I go and if we’re to blame my pain on anyone it’d be you Caleb Dean Sharp of Decatur Alabama. You 21 yr old mysoginistic gaslighting abusive bastard. You broke my nose, two of my fingers, my bottom left rib, and worst of all, my psyche. I’ll never fully heal from what you did and one day karma will hurt you the way you did me. You deserve no love. As I deserve no life
-I love you and goodnight
