_a path less traveled
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Janaina Medeiros

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Claire Keane
will byers stan first human second

if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
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@snapefeelings
_a path less traveled
me at the beginning of 2016 vs me at the end
Make sure you remain straightforward, upright, reverent, serious, unadorned, an ally of justice, pious, kind, affectionate, and doing your duty with a will. Fight to be the person philosophy tried to make you.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: A New Translation (4:30)
above all we must decide who and what sort of people we want to be, and what kind of life we want to lead; and this is the most difficult question of all.
cicero, on duties, stoic ethics (via briellestudies)
Maybe a little dark question but, you said that Snape's will to live is very strong and I agree (e.g. in battles) and yet we see him suicidal at one point in the books. Do you think he was suicidal in general or was it just right after Lily dies? Do you think his strong will to live comes from his rough upbringing and experiences? Or does he sort of do it out of 'you ain't seen the last of me' spite (as he was nearly murdered by his school mates)?
Severus is suicidal without his Purpose.
He has a Purpose (protect Harry so that Lily didn’t die in vain). Once his purpose was fulfilled, I wouldn’t be surprised if he committed suicide if he hadn’t been killed by Nagini. The thing about his death is that Snape literally dies thinking that he’s failed. All those years, he’s been working hard, doing his damnedest to survive, and right near the end before Voldemort can be defeated, he gets murdered without being able to do much to tip the scales in Harry’s favor.
When he says to Dumbledore “Has it occurred to you that I don’t want to do this anymore?” he’s not asking to leave his role as a spy and move to Australia. He’s talking about ending his life. The pain, the suffering- he’s so worn down by the depression and the sheer utter shithole of his life that he just wants it to STOP FOREVER. He doesn’t have any hope. He’s just a ball of spite and rage and bitterness that has grown so accustomed to surviving in the hellish landscape of his life that he doesn’t even really remember the reason he does it except when Dumbledore forces him to because all he wants is for it to END.
Sometimes I wonder if JKR really killed him off for the drama of it, or if she really just granted his dearest wish.
tbh I kind of have to agree. See also: every time he applies for the DADA position, knowing as everyone does that nobody's had the job for more than a year for decades (and many suffering a rather dire fate).
I don’t think Snape had any real shred of self-esteem or self-worth outside of his “usefulness” (and I think Dumbledore cottoned onto that very quickly, or maybe just had an intuitive understanding of what it’s like to live with crushing guilt and self-hatred and recognized it in Snape - “what use would that be to anyone?” is what he says in response to Snape expressing a desire to die after Lily’s death).
So Snape basically hitched his wagon in its entirely to this idea of fighting for a cause outside himself - first as a Death Eater in Voldemort’s service, trying to elevate himself out of his weakness and vulnerability, and out of the social & economic gutter he’d been born into, to make himself into something with worth, and that hope turned to dust pretty quickly I’d imagine, once he realized he was little more than a servant.
Then he wanted to save Lily (a woman who had not spoken to him in years, but as children, was the only one who had treated him kindly), and when that failed, he dedicated himself to preserving what was left of Lily’s blood on Earth (Harry) - because he had no other motivation whatsoever. I don’t think he ever viewed his life as having a value on its own.
He was basically viewed as garbage his entire life - by his father first and foremost, and then as a half-blood in the 1970’s Slytherin i.e. The House of Pureblood Superiority (something that changed after the war but at that time, let’s be honest - that’s what it was) and held in suspicion if not outright loathing by those outside of Slytherin.
Is it any surprise if he internalized all of this? I don’t think anyone hated Snape as much as Snape hated Snape, . And plenty of people hated him - he certainly wasn’t shy about giving plenty of people plenty of reasons to hate him, creating a sort of self-fulfilling cycle, thus confirming to him that he was nothing but contemptible and worthless.
Of course he was also prideful in some ways (about his abilities mostly - again, tying everything to “usefulness”), but I don’t think he ever got to the point of feeling he had any inherent value as a human being.
(I’m oddly reminded of Mr. Nutt the orc, in Discworld’s ‘Unseen Academicals’ constantly asking those around him, “Do I have worth?” every time he does something useful, and desperately trying to “earn” through acts & deeds his right to just be alive.)
You guys are killing me with this :(
Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears. “After all this time?”
“After all this time?” “Always.” Artwork by Vitaly S. Alexius.
HEY EVERYONE
I’m getting married tomorrow!
Happiest is he who like Diogenes has nothing to lose, as it is a kingly prerogative to be above injury from the money grubbers, cheats, robbers and thieves. Call this state any disgraceful name you desire: poverty, want, need. I shall count happy the man who fears no loss.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, De Tranquillitate Animi (On the tranquility of the mind)
“Planned Parenthood confirmed that yes, people are putting their money where their tweets are. Of 160,000 donations made to Planned Parenthood since the election, 20,000 have been made in Mike Pence’s name, according to a spokesperson. That’s 12.5 percent of all donations.”
loves it
From what I’ve understood, making them IN his name is a bad idea—Planned Parenthood donations are tax deductible, and he may end up with a tax write-off.
From the PP site: “Your contribution to Planned Parenthood Federation of America is tax-deductible to the fullest extent allowable.”
When donating, select the box which says “Yes, my gift is in honor or in memory of someone special.”
Making them out to Mike Pence in the “IN HONOR” section still gets a notification to his office, while not running the risk of giving him any tax deductions. Plus, you’ll get a deduction for yourself.
(edited: Maybe I misunderstood, but trying to clarify...)
According to tax law, the donor, and not the recipient, can claim the tax deduction.
Who Gets Tax Credit on Donation Made on Someone's Behalf?
For the man or woman who has everything, donations can make a great gift. Instead of another fondue pot or a gift card, you can give money to their favorite charity in their name. What you can't do is give them the tax deduction for the donation. The IRS says someone can deduct contributions he makes to charity, not contributions someone else makes.
http://finance.zacks.com/gets-tax-credit-donation-made-someones-behalf-10028.html
From what I have been told, only the person who makes the deduction donation (swear to god my brain is scattered tonight) can take the deduction. To be honest, Pence would probably never claim a deduction to PP on his taxes. It would be political suicide.
Only Solitaire
The more I think about Severus Snape’s actual position in the Death Eaters and his relationship with Voldemort, the more I see him as a kind of court jester who doesn’t realize he’s wearing bells.
I was chatting with @deathdaydungeon about this the other day and this just becomes more and more my absolute interpretation of things.
I will admit a tendency to see a hefty layer of irony in nearly everything to do with Snape and this is probably the epitome of it. What he believes himself to be, what he wants himself to be, what he insists to others that he is, is always at such stark odds with reality, and I think this is where a lot of confusion about him comes from. The reader has a burden of sorts to separate what Snape says about himself, and the actions & events that surround him, because Snape, for all his inherent self-loathing and guilt, is still somewhat conceited, and very much an example of wounded pride. There’s an element of self-deception as well as deception of others in much of what he says.
We get one scene in The Prince’s Tale of his sorting, where Lucius Malfoy is seen welcoming him into Slytherin. I think Lucius Malfoy is absolutely key to his position in the Death Eaters. He’s Snape’s patron, in my mind, and the only reason that Snape was even allowed to become a Death Eater, because the Malfoy name is that powerful in pureblood circles in the UK.
People have all sorts of headcanons about Snape’s first days as a Death Eater prior to his defection, but I think he was not at all held in high esteem, nor was he trusted with important knowledge or work. He was Lucius’s pet to begin with, I think. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pottermore came out one day with a story about how Lucius Malfoy paid for a coveted apprenticeship in potions for Snape or something very similar, to be blunt. I think Snape was heavily in Lucius’s debt, which explains a lot about Snape’s interactions and relationship with Draco (a much more plausible situation in my mind than Snape being Draco’s godfather).
Lucius was the one, in my mind, who first recognized the potential usefulness of Snape’s talents - this poor half-blood first year who could fire off hexes like a seventh year, who had an instinctive knack for improving upon and even inventing entirely new methods for potions & spells.
So Lucius pulled him into pureblood circle of Slytherin, got the rest on board with recruiting him and made sure that Snape was offered everything he desired - power, position, a way out of his impoverished childhood home (even if he had no intention of giving him more than an illusion of these things). Hook, line and sinker.
But seeing somebody on the top of the social ladder lavishing this attention on someone scraped from the bottom had to be irritating for those ambitious occupants of the middle rungs.
This is why I always interpret young Snape as being sort of on the fringe of the Death Eaters. He’s there but nobody really wants him there, other than Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy, who want him because he’s useful, not because he has the pureblood birthright to be there.
I feel that among the other Death Eaters (those who knew who Snape was, at least) is probably this unspoken knowledge that he doesn’t really belong there and doesn’t really have a place in their New World Order other than as a useful servant, that he’s really just an uppity mudblood who doesn’t know his place. That if Voldemort himself hadn’t decided to take him up on Lucius’s recommendation, there’s basically zero chance he would have been there.
Would he have been trusted, very early on, with important matters? I’m not convinced. He’s probably working at more solitary pursuits prior to the prophecy, working on spells and potions, and acting as a petty spy, hanging around Hogsmeade and spying on Order members, like he was the night he heard Sybil Trelawny make her fateful prophecy to Albus Dumbledore in a back room at an ill-reputed establishment, the Hogs Head. This is where he proves himself to be a truly canny and useful servant, hence Voldemort's indulgence in his request to spare Lily Evans (which I think Voldy would have found an amusement coming from this half-blood, and is probably where Snape really gained his court jester status).
I’ve written in the past about Snape’s elevation after Lucius’s downfall, how this is not Snape being truly favored by Voldemort and elevated on actual merit. This was the king putting a crown on his court jester to shame & humiliate his nobles. He is sending a message to his followers - if you fail me, this is your fate - your birthright and position will be given to that which is unworthy, because you have lowered yourself to this unworthy state.
Snape interprets this as him being valued & trusted, but Bellatrix Lestrange, at least, sees it precisely for what it is - hence her absolute scorn & resentment in Spinner’s End. She is loyal and pureblood and from a noble family with a long history, and she’s looking at this mudblood school teacher living in a “muggle dungheap” and knows she’s been insulted. She, at least, got the message loud and clear.
Snape himself has this intense need and neediness, to be respected, to be seen as worthy and seen as powerful, and to be seen as trustworthy & useful. You see this in his relationship with Dumbledore especially, where his true loyalties lie, but you see this also with Voldemort and the Death Eaters, even though he is working against them. His need for this is so strong that even his hidden hatred of them does not negate it. This is, in my mind, Snape’s greatest vulnerability and why he is in a sense self-blinded to his true situation.
I’ve seen a comments in the past claiming that Voldemort was more respectful and kind toward Snape than Dumbledore was, but I think they’re missing all of this dynamic, to be blunt (as did Snape himself). I don’t think Voldemort really regretted anything about Snape’s death or held any kind of esteem or affection for him, and used him as a tool much more ruthlessly than Dumbledore ever did, to be frank. He trusted Snape in the manner one would trust a loyal guard dog, but still gladly keep the animal on a chain and kill it once it was no longer needed. The manner in which Voldemort killed Snape, giving him the exact same death that Snape witnessed him give to Charity Burbage earlier is a strong symbol in my mind of what Voldemort really thought of Snape.
Albus Dumbledore may have been rather detached and emotionally ungenerous with Snape, but in the end, I think Albus Dumbledore at least respected his servant’s bravery, loyalty and integrity by the end of his life, even if he could not bring himself to open up to him more.
A lot of very interesting stuff here. I wonder though, do you think most other Death Eater (leaving Bellatrix aside, as you’ve noted her disdain) came to fear Severus at all? Building on your premise, what would it do to a upper-class, pure-blood Death Eater to watch a half-blood from an impoverished family not only be accepted into the inner circle, but come to be one of Voldemort’s most important followers (appointing him as headmaster and valuing his information above others’)?
Artwork by むさし (Musashi).
The Prince in the Forest of Dean. ♥ ♥ ♥
Passion
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Reigning Death (1909 / Folio print) - Robert Montenegro