The Snarkington Post

Unraveled Media Babble & Unrivaled News Prattle. An inconsequential public service to summarize and translate the bluster and blather of the media. Remember: This is not satire. Because satire has a basis in truth.

[snarkingtonpostnews]

The Apple Watch will finally allow men the experience previously known only by recently engaged women: Figuring out how to do everything while awkwardly positioning your left hand so everyone can see it.

[washingtonpost]

A sea lion named ‘Rubbish’ was found wandering the streets of San Francisco. 

[snarkingtonpostnews]

It’s bad enough this poor sea lion was found under a parked car, but it seems he and this police officer got into an argument and the cop won’t talk to him until he apologizes. 

[laughingsquid]

The Tesla Powerwall, A Large Rechargeable Battery Capable of Powering a Home

[snarkingtonpostnews]

The new #TeslaPowerwall sounds like a bad idea. I don't need my neighbors waking me to borrow jumper cables because their house won't start.

[snarkingtonpostnews]

The Senate accused the CIA of doing cruel, sadistic, abhorrent and illegal things to detainees that resulted in no useful intelligence to protect Americans. The CIA adamantly denies this, saying that YES, they DID do cruel, sadistic, abhorrent and illegal things to detainees, but they don't really know for sure whether or not it resulted in useful intelligence to protect Americans...

https://news.yahoo.com/cia-battles-senate-democrats-over-torture-report-081426538--politics.html

[snarkingtonpostnews]

NASA's "New Horizons" spacecraft is preparing to fly by Pluto. The spacecraft's nine year mission was launched to notify Pluto of its demotion from being considered a planet. In 2015 and 2017 respectively, NASA will be launching two more spacecraft to Pluto, code-named "Ha! Just Kidding", and "Jeez, This is Embarrassing. We Actually Still Haven't Made Up Our Minds". With advancements in optics and camera technology, the hope is that we can capture pictures of Pluto crying.

http://www.nbcnews.com/science/space/its-alive-nasas-new-horizons-pluto-probe-wakes-work-n262996

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Amazon vows to run its cloud entirely with renewable energy, which is, oddly enough, how clouds have always been run.

http://time.com/3595988/amazon-cloud-renewable

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Nokia is introducing a new tablet that will run on Android, NOT Windows. Upon hearing this, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella pretended not to care, and continued to listen to his Zune.

http://techcrunch.com/2014/11/18/after-divorcing-microsoft-nokia-reveals-an-android-tablet-the-n1-hitting-china-first/

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Country singers Billy Gilman and Ty Herndon both showed bravery and dignity, overcoming prejudice and scorn by so many in this country, by publicly announcing that they are, in fact, country singers.

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Snapchat, a service for making messages disappear without a trace, has announced they want to go into the mobile payments business. It's like they are doing this JUST so we'd write jokes about it!

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Have you noticed that all the "Science is better than Kim ‪Kardashian‬" people suddenly got really quiet once they realized that their nerd heroes landed their solar-powered space paperweight in a dark canyon? And yet Kim continues to function with no discernible power source!

[nbcnightlynews]

Artist looks for a needle in a haystack (literally)

More: http://nbcnews.to/1EMb7zY

[snarkingtonpostnews]

ESA: Hello AAA?

http://www.wired.com/2014/11/batteries-nearly-drained-vital-science-done-philae-gone-sleep/

[snarkingtonpostnews]

$1.74 billion and they couldn't give the Philae Lander a few rolls of color film?!

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Seriously?! They hacked the Post Office?! Wait, the Post Office has computers?!

http://consumerist.com/2014/11/10/report-breach-of-usps-networks-compromises-personal-data-of-2-9m-customers-750000k-employees-retirees/

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Amazon's new Echo does almost anything Siri or Google can do except make phone calls. But since no one uses their smartphone as a phone, that probably doesn't matter. Also, as a 9.25 inch cylinder, the Echo is about as easy to hold and pocket as the latest monster phones!

http://www.cnet.com/products/amazon-echo/

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Instead of cutting down a magnificent 100 year old tree every year and hauling it 150 miles to Rockefeller Center, why can't they just plant a tree right there and decorate it every year?

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/2014-Rockefeller-Center-Tree-Debut-NYC-Midtown-TODAY-Al-Roker-281894801.html

[snarkingtonpostnews]

Amazon experiments with delivering packages by taxi, so now everything you buy will smell like body odor and pine tree air fresheners.

http://news.yahoo.com/amazon-tries-taxi-deliveries-california-cities-wsj-reports-184616471--finance.html