itâs so nice of them to lay out a carrot for edward even though they know heâs not coming
can we just talk about how they put all their food DIRECTLY on the table??
The Cullen âkidsâ: we dont want them to be suspicious of us. We have to pretend to eat regular lunches like normal teens, and socialize as if we are just young pubescent mortals in the throes of dating.
Every other student, when orienting someone new: Yeah so that weird inter-relationship cult family sits over there. They usually have raw fruit and veg just⌠sort of on the table. Not on a napkin or plate or anything. Like⌠laid out? Anyway theyâre all fucking each other and just kinda pick at a single unwashed strawberry for thirty minutes and then leave. My buddy James swears he saw one of them pretend to eat a chicken sandwich once by just chewing the same bite for the whole lunch period and then spitting it out in a bush when the bell rang. Dont get me wrong, theyâre nice enough and mind their own business, but it just seems like some serious Jonestown shit. So like Iâd recommend you sit with a club youâd like to join or just⌠anyone else.
Roughly one student every 2 years, on a dare: So why is it that you guys donât need to eat?
The entire Cullen family:Â I have no idea what youâre talking about. *Bites into the wrong end of a banana*. *Overturns an empty can of soda above their mouth*. *Cuts off a tiny corner of their burrito with a fork and sticks it in their mouth, then does not chew*.
One brave student, once: Hey, umm, I forgot my lunch today and I was wondering if maybe I could borrow yours today?
The entire Cullen family:Â *Desperately trying to figure out a way to not explain that half the food is made of plastic.*
