juno in jail

juno | 27 | they/them | 18+ only | tapping my foot waiting on getting my blog back

[snezzing-blog]

check it out, my other blog is back @snez so this blog is now an archive. i won’t be deleting it because i really went through some shit this winter and want to keep the log of it skdjgls but now my hornposting is all going to take place on my original blog!

[snezzing-blog]

jesus christ dude every day’s a school day i guess!!!!!!

[spectrolites-deactivated2023082]

i hate to have to do this again, but here i am.

i need like $350 to get my car registered, inspected, and a part replaced. i also need $300 to file divorce paperwork so that i am not tied to my abusive ex anymore and can also get the ball rolling on getting my name legally changed (the $300 is literally just the divorce paperwork; i’m going to try to get the money for the name change via a different avenue).

i am disabled and can’t work right now; i started typing out all the details, but quite frankly, i despair and they’re immaterial. suffice to say that it’s not within the realm of possibility for me to work due to, basically, bipolar disorder completely fucking my entire shit up. i am on ssi and my bank account at the end of the month is a zero, a goose egg. nothing.

my paypal is [email protected]; don’t mind my deadname being on there, please.

i would be grateful if you sent me money out of the goodness of your heart, but i don’t expect that. so here’s what i can do in return for your dosh:

- write a story, $1 per 100 words, about something of your choosing. do i have any finished products to show you to prove that i can write and am not completely illiterate? fuck no! but i assure you that i am good enough at it that i feel comfortable charging a small amount of money for it, at least. i will write basically anything (kink included) within reason. you and i will collaborate on what you want written, how long you want it to be, and the details thereof, and i will return to you a written work within those bounds. - write a series of limericks about whatever you want. the rate is 50 cents per limerick and i’m happy to write as many as it takes to get the point across. i am extremely fucking good at limericks; my meter is impeccable and my rhymes are sublime. this is a really good deal, is what i’m saying. - write you the technical details of a fifth edition D&D adventure a la a published module so that you can run the game for your group. the price on this will vary wildly depending on what you want done and how detailed you need it to be, but we will hammer out the details and set a fair price based on what you want. i have been playing 5th edition for over four years and DMing off an on for a lot of that time as well; i understand very well how the game works mechanically and am also adept at creating the framework for characters that you can run with and make your own. - related to the above, i will homebrew you a class, subclass, villain, monster, etc. for 5th edition. again, the price on this will vary depending on what you want, but i will work with you on the thematic aspects of your vision and put something together. i will admit upfront that i have less experience with creating classes/subclasses than i do at writing the module-esque things or creating villains/monsters, but i’ve honed a reasonable eye for game design and i’m confident that i can produce something of quality. - basically i will work with you on any aspect of D&D 5th edition that you need help with. this is really more of a ‘donation and then i help you’ thing than a 'strict set price for the time involved helping you,’ but i thought i’d throw it out there as a possibility as well. frankly i would probably help you for free because i enjoy it, but that’s not what this post is about.

i understand that a lot of us are in a tough spot, so i don’t expect anyone to feel obligated to donate, but if you could at least spread this around i’d be incredibly grateful. thank you for reading.

[snezzing-blog]

i know i’m never on here anymore, but i’m pretty desperate. anything helps. thank you.

[snezus-christ]

MLMLMLM

Good morning world! 🌍 My name is Kurtis Ichahotbod Chu, I am a 29-year-old business owner and entrepreneur, and I am here with just one question❓ What was the most amazing moment of your life? 🤔 Like, truly amazing? We tend to overuse the word amazing, which cheapens its meaning. 🌟 There are so many paths our lives can take 👨‍🎓💑🤱🤡 but mine was truly fabulous. Truly astounding. Truly super. 🦸‍ Amazing.

I’ll tell you all about it, but first, like with every superhero, you need to know my origin story. 📖 #humblebeginnings

It was my wedding day. 💒 They delivered the wrong flowers to the venue 😡🚫🌺 and I was trying not to have a bridezilla moment!!!!! 🐲 Of all the flowers they could have sent, it had to be chrysanthemums which spell nothing but trouble for my allergies 🤧 I was sneezing up an absolute storm!!!!! ⛈ But as they say, the show must go on, so I walked down that aisle, stopping every few steps to sneeze into my hands. 🤲 Little did I know at the time that with every sneeze, I was rubbing off more and more of my expertly applied make-up!!!!! 😱😱😱 The photos 📸 that followed still mortify me to this day. I sneezed through my vows and his, but make it through the kiss without getting interrupted. 💋😘 I couldn’t believe he still wanted to kiss me with how bad I looked!!!!! #ugh #lovehim #soblessed #whatamightygoodman

So my husband (it is so fun saying that!!!!!) Alek has a cousin, Tina (love ya babe 😘), who went to school with us and came to the wedding. Tina approached us while my new husband and I were tearing it up on the dance floor. 🕺🕺 I had taken an allergy pill 💊 before the reception, which didn’t stop me from having a few drinks 🍷🍸🍹🙈

Disclaimer: You should not consume alcohol while taking Benadryl. 🙅‍♂️ I was acting like quite the 🤡 as the night wore on, and my liver and reputation are still paying a hefty price. 💰

Anyways!!!!! 😜

“Hey girl!” It was my girl Tina, approaching me with the cutest bag I have ever seen!!!!! 👛 Quite frankly the emoji doesn’t do it justice. The bag was purple and it sparkled like a diamond under the party lights. 💎⭐ “I saw you up there looking a hot mess and a half!” Tina said.

That Tina is such a bitch! #loveher #bossbabes #watchusclimb

Now my friend Tina has always been interested in cosmetology, so I joked that perhaps she could fix up my face. I am truly looking like a dumpster fire 🔥 a real beast 👹 who had no right to be dancing with his beauty. Imagine my shock when Tina pulled me away from Alek and into the bathroom right that second!!!!! 😳

“First thing we need to do is get the rest of this mess all the way off,” said Tina.

She grabbed a handful of papers and dampened them in the sink before scrubbing at my face. My nose 👃 did not like that one bit, and before I knew it I was sneezing all over Tina!!!!! 🤧😳 I explained that my nose was still so sensitive, and that reapplying may not be the best idea, but she insisted. And it was hard to say no when I saw her pull out the first item!!!!! 👀

The Poonique Touch Foundation Sticks in Pasty Raw Dumpling are a godsend!!!!! 🙌 It matched my skin tone perfectly and was convenient but effective. Tina was able to apply the foundation quickly and without setting off that pesky tickle in my nose. It felt good to say “bye bye!!!!!” to those embarrassing red blotches 🥵👋 #byefelicia

Next came what is now a must-have in my and everyone’s make-up kits - the Stiff Upper Lip Stain. 💄🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 The pigments come from natural sources, and my favorite color - Cheeto Mouth - is created using only the purest of crushed minerals and crystalized ear wax sustainably sourced from local Measles communes that delivers the stiffness promised by the moniker. 👂➡️👄 If your skin tone is anything like mine (uncooked pizza dough), this shade will bring out your natural glow ☀️ and make your whole smile infectious! 😁 #makeupishealthcare #increaseyourimmunitythenaturalaway #vaccinesareevil #pooniquecares #allnatural #organic #sustainable #therapeuticgrade

Lastly, Tina applied the beloved classic and world-renowned Moodstruck Epic 4D One-Step Fiber Mascara in Achusia Fuschia to my unworthy eyelashes!!!!! I ended up sneezing again, but to my surprise, the mascara did not leave the usual black smudges against my cheeks!!!!! 😳 Tina did nothing but rave about the 4D fiber lashes on Facebook since becoming a consultant two weeks before the wedding, and I had not gotten around to trying it yet. 😔 But now I saw for myself just how great it was.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own selfish lives, that it takes us stopping to smell the roses 👃🌹 and sneezing our way through a pivotal life event 🤵🤵 to reconnect with an old high school friend of a friend in the bathroom and start supporting her small business 📠📦🖋

Not only did I support Tina’s business that night, I started building my very own!!!!! 🛠 That’s right, folks, you have been added to the Facebook group for my small business “Poonique Purty Faces by Kurty” by yours truly, Kurt Chu, fast rising Poonique independent consultant and newest member of #teamfacerash!!!!! 🤩 I am up and running and ready to party in your home or online!!!!! 🥳🏠💻 Can you believe allllll that it took to start this business was the belief that I could achieve anything I set my mind to 💪a small investment of $199 for a premium presenter kit 💸💸💸 and a silly little sneezing fit? 🤧

If you are saying to yourself “I can’t afford that,” I want you to think about something. 🤔💭❓ How much do you spend each day on that fancy shmancy latte drink? ☕ You know, the one you just can’t live without? ⚰ Now imagine putting that money towards bettering yourself everyday!!!!! 😊💭💡 It’s possible, especially now, because Poonique is running a limited time special for 30% off starter kits!!!!! 😍 At that price, you can get TWO premium presenter kits for the price of one and a half lattes each day!!!! Each kit comes with three of each of the make-ups I discussed above, plus a fashionable carrying pouch! Seems like a no brainer to me 🧠 especially considering how much money you’ll be raking in once your new business takes off!!!!! ✈

Becoming a Poonique presenter on my wedding day was the most meaningful moment of my life. After six months of climbing the ranks of the corporate ladder, I have been able to retire my hubby, a former college professor, so he can stay home with our two wonderful children, Isla and Lasche. 👨‍👧👨‍👧 The girls love having their daddy home while their other daddy sets an example for them with his #hardwork and #determination as he #bossbabes his way to the top!!!!! 📈 And I am sure the free make-up that daddy brings home for them to play with helps a lot!!!!! 🤣🙈 #family #parenting #busydads #lovethem #girldad

Believe me when I say this make-up is amazing. 🙌 That becoming a Poonique presenter was truly the most amazing moment of my life. Are you ready to join us, to take a chance on yourself, to invest in YOU? Then DM me for more info and we’ll get to chatting about this once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity, or even just to book a party!!!!! 🎉 If you don’t reach out, I promise I will. 😘 #poonique #mlmlmlm

[head-colds]

someone being slutty and exhibitionist about sneezing around a partner with the fetish but, at the same time, acting so teasingly faux-innocent about it all despite the fact that both of them know EXACTLY what they’re doing and how much the other loves it ? i die?

[snezzing-blog]

back down to one boyfriend, lads

[snezus-christ]

cw basic post but there’s something so sweet and 🔥 about partners catching colds from one another because being close and intimate is more important to them than not getting sick.

[snezzing-blog]

i have two boyfriends now

[snezzing-blog]

hey i know it’s been 3 weeks but i’m back. and if you can believe it? i’m gayer than ever

[snzkoi-deactivated3743004-deact]

when a heavy whumper shows up in your recommended blogs

[snzkoi-deactivated3743004-deact]

back pain eye strain now my life is only pain! twenty six and weaker kicks sick of the world and all its tricks! no more no more ouch my knees and ouch my core… why this why this who knew my youth was what i’d miss…

[moselybot-deactivated20211218]

[n0seferatu]

some things in life are just Good like hairy tummys

[whumpxng]

look, im just a slut for some magical exhaustion okay give me your whumpees overusing their magic and having physical repercussions from it, bloody noses, unable to stand, getting progressively weaker, utterly exhausted and spent !! 

bonus points:  if they know they are running low on magic but they have no choice but to keep using more until they just collapse

bonus bonus points: if their magic is somehow connected to their life force!!

[snzkoi-deactivated3743004-deact]

two people from different areas of someone’s life are engaged in a very obvious but indirect battle over who is better at taking care of them once they come down with a cold

[sasukes-snough]

someone going down on their partner while needing to sneeze and stifling into their thigh is the hottest thing the human mind can imagine.

[snezzing-blog]

oh, one thing i will say is that penetrating someone with a strap on is the realest shit i’ve ever done sexually. like i could never have imagined feeling that good re: dysphoria during sex and it just fucking slapped and i sincerely could do it every day.

[snezzing-blog]

i had a frankly entirely enchanting time.