the abyss

You spoke your words as though you denied the very existence of the shadows or of evil. Think, now: where would your good be if there were no evil and what would the world look like without shadow?

[dazzlingkai]

Wonho for Elle Korea

[fymonsta-x]

MON BLEU ϟ do not edit or crop logo.

[introvertlifestyle]

A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.

Arthur Schopenhauer (via introvertlifestyle)

[jooheonx96]

Take A Hike - Hojin and Seungwon

[sngxseungwon-blog]

SON HOJIN

[ ... ]

“How did you manage to become a professor so young?” He asked Seungwon directly, “Most people around our age are elementary teachers but your a college professor.”

“I’ll take this compliment,” Seungwon emitted a throaty laugh. “That I am sure of. After all, you must be running miles on the court,” he mentioned before leaning slightly towards Hojin to take a quick look at the map, which hopefully was much more readable for the other. “Sounds like a plan. And don’t worry about the dark, I took a flashlight. Better safe than sorry.” Adjusting the straps on his backpack, his lips curled up. The image of still being out there after sundown wasn’t as appealing to him, goodness knew what hid in that wilderness. On the contrary, having a halt by the lake was an inviting idea.

Besides energizing snacks and a good supply of water, he didn’t take much. Only a couple of necessities that wouldn’t be an unneeded overload. Noticing with the corner of his eye that the camera lens was directed at him, a titter escaped his mouth and the following question almost made the situation feel like an interview.

“Well, I signed a pact with the devil. Figuratively.” Shrugging, after a short pause he continued, “I worked at a high school for a while, but when I decided to start my doctorate at HAI, they let me teach there.” It’s not like I had many options, he nearly added. “It looks like you’re really fulfilling yourself in sports. Have you always wanted to be a professional in that field?”

[fymx-wonho]

주세요원호♡‏ ‏ | DO NOT EDIT.

[sngxseungwon-blog]

RA MINJOON

[ ... ]

“I hadn’t expected you to see here. I mean I wouldn’t know where I would expect to see you to be fully honest but it’s for some reason not here.” He chuckled slightly, scratching the back of his neck.

The man’s manner of speaking struck him as off-putting at first, but Seungwon had heard his fair share of worse backtalk from teenagers he had the questionable honor to deal with before he landed a job at HAI. Slowly he pressed his curled lips into a thin line and it wasn’t the attempt to start the conversation with the other he began to regret, but how he chose to start it. His inquiry was stupid, it was more like stating the very obvious with a question mark at the end. So his mouth slightly opened to say sorry rather than give him the same attitude, though then Minjoon seemed to have realized how he had just sounded. “It’s alright, I get it,” putting on the polite beam out of habit again, he claimed laconically and didn’t dive into the matter any further.

“That’s where we share the viewpoint. I think the hallway or the elevator are the only spots where I’d expect to meet you,” he admitted with a hint of jocularity. “These kind of places aren’t really my thing. But the dancing part was enough to convince me and...” Stopping mid-sentence, his eyes returned to the stage and he was hit with a sudden wave of pensiveness.

Dancing always made him more sentimental than it should and for some reason he doggedly deemed this feeling invalid, maybe because he resented feeling anything too deeply. Although professionally ballet wasn’t a part of his life for long, it stuck with him for years and there were days when he regretted letting his promising career go up in flames. Quitting wasn’t entirely his fault, but it definitely was his decision only. He didn’t complain about his current occupation, he did take delight in teaching and broadening his own horizons, however, he could never stop wondering how things would’ve unfolded if he had taken a much different path. Again he got tangled in those thoughts and countless what ifs as he silently admired the performing dancers’ skills.

Taking a sharp inhale, Seungwon successfully brought himself back to the reality and let out a titter. “Excuse me, I--” Wearing an abashed half-grin, he lightly tapped on his temple as if to wordlessly tell where he had just gotten lost. “Are you a dancer yourself or... more of an observant hobbyist?” Asking, he turned his head to the male. They might’ve been living in the same building, but besides his name he hardly could list more facts about his neighbor. But so far it looked like besides bleached hair they could have something else in common, an interest.

[sngxseungwon-blog]

BLAST FROM THE PAST [ with HEOLAH ]

@hrxheolah

Whenever he found himself in an entirely discommoding milieu he wouldn’t voluntarily go to, he wondered what brought him there in the first place and the answer was always the same — his own self. If he ever let anyone convince him to join them at a party, have a few drinks, do other things people usually do for fun, Seungwon knew he could only blame himself for not being assertive enough. He hated making up excuses and his mentality made him belief that saying a definite no in an answer to such offer would make him look like a jerk. And that was the very last thing he wanted to become. Clubs were what he imagined to be an accurate depiction of hell on earth, an unbearable pandemonium full of heated bodies.

In a way he envied those who could genuinely enjoy the thunderous music and the diminished sense of personal space. Despite not being much of an liquor connoisseur, that was one of the few instances when he ordered actual alcohol instead of juice. He always hoped it would help. Usually it did make the whole socializing and mingling with strangers thing a tiny bit easier.

There was already some percentage rushing up his veins and as his friends (that word was a distinct overstatement) were relishing in the club’s oh-so enticing attractions, he was sitting in the now emptied booth. He had no intentions to leave his comfortable seat for the sake of hitting the dancefloor. Even if he was feeling more relaxed than when they were just entering. In his cup there was a colorful drink which’s name he had quickly forgotten. Whilst its sweetness spread across his tastebuds, all he could think of was the awful amount of sugar it must’ve been containing. But he drained it in one go, nevertheless. Anything to minimize his suffering.

His eyes scanned the surroundings that were flooding with those prestigious-looking personas. Another reason why he shouldn’t be there. Suddenly his gaze met someone else’s an a longer — awkward — moment had passed until he figured out who he was mindlessly staring at. It had been ages and it would be a stretch to say he and Heolah knew each other, but now it probably would’ve been downright weird not to greet her at least. “Oh, hey. The world’s small, isn’t it?” His lips twisted hesitantly; he doubted she remembered him.

[jooheonx96]

Real Recognize Real - Hojin and Seungwon

[sngxseungwon-blog]

SON HOJIN

[ ... ]

Hojin just gave him a glance then took the starting position waiting for Pianist Lee to start playing. 1st class back and he was really putting himself out there. Don’t fuck this up Hojin, he thought to himself.

It was a bit unusual for him to speak to Hojin as if they had been nourishing a long-time friendship, but it was mainly the ballet that made him feel some sort of an inexplicable connection with the other. He assumed that during those years they both went through similar struggles and experiences, he had no idea what went behind the scenes in the younger’s life, especially when Seungwon had to walk off and leave this hobby dimly lingering in the background due to certain matters he was forced to square up to. He was curious whether Hojin continued to dance and for how long, though it seemed that just like him he again had taken it up after a break.

Quite a pity, honestly. Certainly he could go far and in this morbidly competitive environment Seungwon always found himself silently rooting for him. Hojin still had that spark to him and although he was a diligent ballerino, unlike many others he wasn’t a bland pushover who wouldn’t dare to have his way. The rest in the studio would probably disagree indignantly, but the man deserved praise for his unwavering determination.

With each next position Seungwon was feeling more and more confident with his moves, and thankfully the terminology hadn’t escaped his memory. He steadied his breathing and calmly went on with the port de bras until Primo Hwang’s dicta diverted his attention. Exhaling loudly through his nostrils, the specific comment was nostalgic in all the worst ways, but he let it slide.

He was ready to proceed, yet the question, or rather the prompt answer caught him off guard. His eyes widened and he could hardly suppress the simper. Out of all people he was glad it was Hojin who decided to step forward. So apparently that spark he remembered wasn’t ever put out.

Seungwon folded arms in front of his chest and his undivided attention settled on the male. The first notes played and he ardently believed Hojin would deliver the best of his skills, as well as his temperament.

[sngxseungwon-blog]

PARK CHAERIN

[ ... ]

“Uh, anyway,” she said, shaking her head of the thoughts. “What are you doing now? Is this where you normally hand when you’re not in the bookstore?”

Seungwon nodded, his reserved beam not fading away. “There must be a scientific explanation for that,” he quipped, still somewhat astounded by the occurrence that had just ensued. “Perhaps it’s the door,” after a while he continued and could already tell his statement might’ve ended up seeming bizarre and unrelated. “Like, when you pass the doorway and in a fraction of a second you forget what you were about to do,” for clearance he continued, but straight away he shook his head lightly to dismiss his rambling, which resulted from baseless nervousness.

“Now, that’s food for thought.” He breathed out a mellow chuckle. “We could act it never happened.” Inching closer by a tad, as though he was revealing a secret, he jocularly said. Such scenario could’ve turned out being more awkward than letting a different setting mess with the sense of recognition. They would surely laugh about it later, probably next time he would set his foot in the bookstore again.

It was impossible for him to tell why seeing the other outside her workplace was that much of a shocker. She wasn’t eternally bound to it, of course, yet it felt like something was off. “Sounds reasonable,” laughing quietly, he muttered rather to himself, as if to ensure himself there wasn’t anything peculiar about it. “I finished work too and reckoned I could make use of some energizer, and this place happened to be the nearest,” Seungwon disclosed, ignoring the aspect of pen-pushing he hoped to get done.

[jooheonx96]

Take A Hike - Hojin and Seungwon

[sngxseungwon-blog]

SON HOJIN

[ ... ]

“You’re not going to die on me out here right?” he asked teasing the other.

Hojin’s proposition to go on a hike came as quite a big yet pleasant surprise for Seungwon. He enjoyed being surrounded by the charms of nature, though he was too immersed in work to leave his place and clear his head. Therefore he was very thankful that somebody finally managed to drag him outside. Sometimes he was still trying to fight the inner awkwardness that wanted to loom up when he was in the male’s company. The age difference wasn’t major, but he could tell the younger man had a much younger spirit. Maybe spending more time with him could help Seungwon loosen up himself.

Usually he would prefer to be alone while having a recreational trek, but Hojin’s presence was undoubtedly more delightful than desolation. He was witty, not too probing, and overall fun to be around. Not to mention the impressive physical attributes. Seungwon felt like they never got enough opportunities to really get to know each other, so now could’ve been that moment. Oddly, he didn’t mind being more open with him than he was with other people.

Keeping his pace measured but tranquil to appreciate the views on the way, his gaze darted at Hojin who made sure to document the sights. “Do I look like my body’s giving out?” Seungwon snorted and nonchalantly raised a brow. “If you need to take a break, just say.” He added in jest.

[sngxseungwon-blog]

CHOI WONHO

[ ... ]

“How’s your day been?”

Seungwon could never be exactly on time, it was general knowledge and also a fact he wasn’t even trying to deny anymore. “I thought you’ve gotten used to that,” he chuckled, almost advising Wonho to come approximately half an hour late next time. But if his lack of punctuality was the other’s pet peeve or anything equally irritating, then he could consider being purposefully late for the sweet sake of ruffling his feathers a little bit. It seemed to be their thing, finding those small faults in the code to test one another’s patience. Very often it was friendly banter, but it could escalate into something more serious. At least neither of them found any sense in holding onto quite non-significant grudges.

Resting his elbows on the counter, his face involuntarily contorted and the drink’s description. “I will go straight to beer then. No taste experiments for me tonight,” he stated with a subtle smirk forming on his lips and gave the bartender a knowing look. Soon his order was placed on a coaster in front of him.

His fingers curled around the cold glass and he shrugged one shoulder at the man’s inquiry. There was nothing special about his day, really, what was tiring itself. “Too long. Probably it’d be less draining if it was more eventful.” He took a sip and turned to Wonho. “And you? Were there compelling challenges you had to conquer today?”

[sngxseungwon-blog]

COMMON GROUND [ with JUNJAE ]

@hrjunjae

The spring taking over the surroundings of the campus was worth slowing down and stopping by for a moment. Seungwon had much time to kill until his next lecture and usually he would spend his longer breaks in the library, either doing research for his thesis or indulging himself in less exacting reading for the sake of leaping away from the duties for a moment. Today he chose to go outside, possibly hide in the shadows cast by the big trees which to him were mesmerizing all year round.

Stepping out of the building, he instantly squinted his eyes that weren’t protected by a pair of shades. The grey-ish morning sky didn’t herald the sun’s such blinding presence, but maybe he just couldn’t read the signs left up there. Or maybe his intuition was faulty, what sounded like a more plausible option. The black woolen turtleneck underneath a the suit jacket probably wasn’t the most adequate attire he could’ve picked. He was never good at that. As he strolled across the acres he started to doubt his plan of being one with the nature. Getting back inside to the air-conditioned space was suddenly more tempting.

With a silent huff, he turned his head to look at the building he had barely walked out of. In spite of the growing urge to return to this more comfortable bubble that wouldn’t make him feel like a piece of bacon being thrown into scorching oil.

He would get used to it. Hopefully.

When he looked ahead his brows immediately shifted upwards upon spotting Junjae. Last time he saw the boy he was still in high school, and so without having second thoughts he presumed that now he was one of the students attending the Institute. “Shouldn’t you be in class, Mr. Yook?” Seungwon’s vexed face brightened up as the lighthearted question rolled of his tongue.

[sngxseungwon-blog]

NEXT-DOOR DANCER [ with MINJOON ]

@hrminjoon

Dim interiors illuminated by colorful flashing lights or neons weren’t entirely up Seungwon’s alley. They used to be when he was still deeply invested in the party scene and clubs seemed to be a natural habitat. He would often laugh to himself, in quite a bittersweet manner, that maybe it was just a sign of getting old. Although he didn’t eagerly frequent spots like this, there was always a time when he could make an exception to that unsaid rule.

A few days earlier as he was strolling back home he noticed a poster announcing an underground dance show, where various styles would be presented. It had been a while since he last attended a happening like that, and judging solely from the advertisement, he reckoned that one would be a rather private event and therefore worth dropping by. Plus, there wasn’t anything too peppy he could busy himself with on a Saturday evening.

Upon arriving at the small but cozy club, it didn’t escape his attention that his attire he deemed relatively casual was still distinguishing itself among others, more laid-back outfits. Sporting dark striped suit pants with a jacket to match, a tucked in white t-shirt and dress shoes to finish it off, Seungwon might’ve been sticking out like a sore thumb. He looked as if he had just clocked out. Shoving that trifling bother aside, his steps carried him to the bar counter and he ordered a cup of iced water whilst the rest was sipping on beer.

Before settling his eyes on the stage where a modern dance group’s performance going on, he caught a glimpse of a familiar face. At first he thought he only mistook the person for someone, but throwing a second glance in that direction he was sure it was his neighbor, Minjoon. They never talked much, though it was good to see somebody who wasn’t a complete stranger. “Hey, you came to see the show, too?” Seungwon timidly approached the man, sending him a meek smile.

[lluyuna]

{from the beginning}

[sngxseungwon-blog]

SONG YUNA

[ ... ]

“What are you up to? I was actually going to pick up some soju and go home…if you have time, maybe we can go do that together. Get some snacks to eat too…what do you think?”

If he had entertained the idea that someday they would meet again, he would’ve found it both uplifting and hesitance-inducing. The major fear would be the possibility of them being complete strangers to each other after all the time that had passed. There were many reasons that made people change, more or less drastically, even he had changed quite a bit since they last exchanged some words.

Regardless of the palpable passage of time they couldn’t turn back, he cordially hoped it would be like the good old days. It wouldn’t be exactly like the past, obviously, but together they could bring back the pieces of this familiarity embedded in those bygones.

Upon her response, Seungwon fathomed further how out of the loop he was. He couldn’t even tell what Yuna was doing for a living now, and he assumed she was just unaware about his standard fare. Nonetheless, he nodded slowly with a beam, as if none of it was a mystery to him.

His lips parted and before he got to utter anything, he felt Yuna’s arms around himself. And he felt bad for being so taken aback. After a while of perplexity, Seungwon returned the gesture with subtle unintended wariness. “Don’t be,” he spoke softly, nearly breaking into his own apology. “As gloomy as it seems, I was afraid this moment would never come. But here we are,” a laugh to mask up the bleak tone escaped his mouth.

He shrugged and briefly looked around. “Not much, I’m free. Even if I had plans, it’d be worth to cancel them.” No urgency could be more important than catching up with an old friend. “It sounds like a plan. After all, we have much to talk about, don’t we?”

[sngxseungwon-blog]

KIM CHANMI

[ ... ]

After a short pause in her own words, she only added with a smile “You look great.”

No matter what good impact they might’ve left, Seungwon wasn’t ever too keen on meeting people from the past. It wasn’t that he wanted to completely and eternally distance himself from them, but sometimes it felt like it was the only right solution. Moving away before he could cause any harm. Because he always assumed the worst, and the haunting experiences made him assume that sooner or later he would unwillingly destroy a perfectly serene relation. Years ago he was much more outgoing and open with people and he was glad he met Chanmi back then.

Just one look at her was enough to bring back the memories which oddly didn’t seem to be as outlying. Along with that another realization broke the surface. He was a different person back then. Sticking with troublemakers, thriving on a little of mayhem. And so he couldn’t help but wonder whether Chanmi had undergone any big changes herself. Seeing her in Hwaryung and not bustling Seoul was already a surprise to him, an intriguing one. It shouldn’t be so unusual to him that somebody changed their place of residence, however, in that instance his curiosity multiplied by a tenfold. If not the current environment, he probably would’ve blurted out that question.

Upon hearing her response he refrained from pulling his eyebrows together in marvel and instead a quiet oh sneaked in between his lips. “Yeah, from what I know it isn’t too crowded,” he stated with a throaty chuckle closely following his words. “It would be great to see you around these hallways,” adding laconically, Seungwon started to mull her reply over once again, mainly pondering what she could exactly mean by getting her life back on track. There was possibly no need to overthink it, but he still did. An old habit of his.

Snapping out of it, with a small grin engraved on his face he rubbed the back of his neck in this unnecessarily nervous manner. “Why, thank you. You look pretty spectacular yourself.” Chortling quietly, bit by bit the tension within him was dispersing. “So, you’ve settled in Hwaryung or..?” Tilting his head toward the side, suddenly his expression had gotten more solemn to soon be disrupted by one of those smiles he put on rather subconsciously. “It’s been so long, you need to update me on what’s been going on in Ms. Kim’s life.”

[mylovemonstax]

[sngxseungwon-blog]

BAE JIYEON

[ ... ]

“I heard there’s a new place close to here. The people who work here were telling me about it last time and their goal is to cater to the people who come to the gym, so maybe we can check it out?”

Numerous times Seungwon was told he was insanely fixated on his work out schedule as well as what he was eating. He could understand why people who didn’t necessarily lead this kind of lifestyle would go straight to such conclusions, but at least there were also those, who had no questions about it. Personally he didn’t think he was ever overexerting himself, sometimes he would even mentally scold himself for not being sufficiently consistent.

Everyone’s standards were different, though his and Jiyeon’s didn’t seem to be too far apart. And he was grateful for that, and still somehow in disbelief that he got to encounter someone so similar. On top of that they resided in the same building, what probably made the situation even more win-win.

After exercising many would want to drop by the nearest fast food restaurant to allegedly make up for what they had just sweated out. Luckily enough, neither him or Jiyeon were down for such, in his view, pointless solution. The mention of the egg elicited a guttural laughter from him; the barely touched upon anecdote never failed to amuse him.

“I’m afraid they could be out of stock,” he joked along and displayed a playful grin. “That’s what they call persuasive marketing,” commenting in jest, he shortly nodded his head in agreement. “Why not. It won’t hurt to give it a try. Maybe it will become the new favorite spot? Lead the way then.”