I'm a writer.

Little snippets of my life or my thoughts or my imagination, really. It's up to you what you think belongs to which category. 

[snippetsofwritings]

It feels like bursting from emotion. Overwhelming. Not always bad, but always too much. I can feel it weigh down my heart, again, not always in a bad way, but it always hurts. It feels like being caged in your own body. Imagine a glass that’s almost spilling over. It has obviously too much in it, but it can’t help it and just holds everything together. It feels a bit like water surface tension looks. 

I just don’t know where to put all my emotion. What to do with it. Put an elephant in a shoebox without breaking it. You’d have to be creative to pull that one off. 

I was always creative. Drawing, writing. 

I don’t know what happened to it. What happened to me. I am so scared of it, it makes me wonder how I got here. Maybe it was because back then, I had nothing to lose anymore, right? It couldn’t get any worse. But now, it can. I can disappoint myself. It can get worse. I could hate my work, what I do. I don’t trust myself anymore. Not that I did back then, but like I said, it wasn’t like I cared. And now I do. And it makes everything so much harder. Caring makes everything so much harder. The more I care, the harder it gets, the more I stand in my own way. And I don’t know what to do about it. 

I see art everywhere. Books, poems, photography, drawings, movies, dance. It’s everywhere and it moves and inspires me, but I feel so stuck. Like I put myself in handcuffs, chained to the ground, wanting to fly but being so afraid to fall that I would not dare to do it. Like a penguin dreaming about flying, but also being happy not to be able to do it, because I can always swim. Dive in seas of emotion and maybe drown a little bit. 

Everything is just too much. Too many ideas, too many things I want to do, read, learn, see, listen to. Too many possibilities, too many flaws, too many tears, too many emotions, too much fear, too much hope, to many dreams. Too many expectations, from myself, my family, friends, strangers, the world. And so much doubt. There’s too many voices, too many opinions, to much bullshit to keep up with, too many thoughts in my own head. Everything is just too much. 

And I am too less. I don’t know what of. Just too less me, I guess. I don’t even know who I am. What I am. What I want to be. What I don’t want to be. I know I am clueless, clearly. Even a blind man could see that. 

I just don’t know what to do about it. Maybe the blind man could tell me. It just feels like he would know much more. It feels like everyone knows so much more about me than I do. How can it be, that I spend so much time with me and I don’t even know myself? How is that even possible? I just don’t get it. 

I just pulled off my necklace. I bought it myself. I think it’s beautiful. And I love it.  I felt bad not wanting to wear it because it’s so stunning and it was expensive. But it feels weird wearing it. I never knew why.  And I guess I still don’t, but it feels like a weight has been removed from my shoulders. And I miss my old necklace. The one I’ve been wearing for years. I just miss it. And I want it back. Like so much else. Like my creativity. Like my sanity. 

[snippetsofwritings]

The desire to create art sits deep inside of me. Doesn't matter if it's writing, drawing or something entirely different.

But at the moment it feels like I lost the ability to listen to it. To let it overflow me with inspiration and just keep drifting away from reality by creating something that is completely my own.

It feels so devastating to know your call, to know what makes you feel fullfilled the most and not be able to do just that.

I think I can almost for sure say it has to do with fear. When I was young I didn't think about what other people would think, if it had any sense or meaning to create, if I would be bad at it or not. It was natural for me to just get on and create. It was natural to be bad and get better with time, slowly. And it was natural that I did it for me. And it was also natural that it didn't make any difference if it would change something or not, or have a meaning, it made me happy and that was reason enough.

I spend a few good hours just thinking about what I wanted to do. What I really wanted to do. Create. Yes. But what? I can't just do everything. Or can I?

We are always told we should concentrate on one thing. And of course, it makes sense. You can't be good at everything, because it takes time to get good. So you have to choose what you want to spend your time on.

If you search for tips for anything creative, be it writing, drawing, blogging, youtube, what ever it might be, they always tell you this: Decide on one thing you want to do. They call it brand nowadays, a thing they will come to you for.

But what if I can't decide on just one? What if there is so much out there that sparks joy that I can't decide. Like ever. I am always torn between all those things that seem so much fun that I always end up doing nothing. And I don’t know what to do about it. I feel so helpless. 

[buzzardboy]

i need more writeblrs to follow!

hey! if you write about:

- sci fi - fantasy - writing tips  - writing prompts - literally anything writing related please reblog!

[snippetsofwritings]

Writblr Introduction

Hey, I am Ruby and I am currently 22 years old. I’ve been on tumblr for a while now, but it’s chaotic on my other blog and I never wanted to post any of my writing stuff there, so I thought why not start a writblr! 

So a little info about myself before I start getting into the more important things here: writing.  As I said, I am 22 years old, I am from Austria (no, not Australia :P) so my mother tongue is German. At the moment I study medical and bioinformatics at the Universtiy of Applied Sciences Upper Austria and I love it a lot. I am going to start my second year in less than a month and I am very excited to get back into it.  A few other noteworthy things about me are probably that I am a huge nerd (obviously), I love all kind of fandoms, I am into fitness and science and the supernatural. I have a very cute cat and love nature and change my hair colour on a regular basis. I also like drawing (even though I didn’t do that for ages) and I am currently trying to get into photography.  Oh and I love writing letters! So if any of you want to get a new pen pal, I am definitely here for it! 

Now to the actual stuff.  I am writing since I can think. I still have some hand written stuff from when I was eight or nine years old. Cringeworthy as hell, but hey, everyone needs to start somewhere, right?  I wrote fanfictions for the longest time and a few RPG’s (which I still love to do, so if anyone here is up to it, message me!). At the moment I am trying to get back into writing as life is crazy as always and I hadn’t much time to do it lately. Also, as I mentioned, English isn’t my first language, so I am actually trying to get into writing in this language more. If you see any mistakes or some things I can do better, please let me now, I would love to learn and get better.  I also have a few book ideas in my head that are just waiting to get written, so I am super excited to finally start them and get some motivation and feedback on here. 

I guess that’s it for now. As I already said, I just started this blog and I hate asking this, but please follow me, as I want to grow my following to get more feedback to get better! You can also check out those two little snippets that I already shared so you know if you like my writing or not! I am always open to get to know new people, especially some fellow writers. I can be really weird and awkward, but if you can handle that, please message me. I would love to get to know you! 

Anyway, I hope you have a great day. 

[snippetsofwritings]

All she had

Her cheeks hurt even though all she had was his voice that came through the phone. But it was enough to make her happy. So happy that she couldn’t stop smiling. Just the thought that his voice was the only thing she had for the next ten days could diminish a little bit of that smile. 

His voice was all she had from him. His voice, a jacket and the deep longing after his touch. 

When she closed her eyes, she thought she could almost feel the softest of soft lips on hers. She remembered how gentle his kisses were, so tender, filled with all the feelings he had for her. She could feel her heart getting faster with the thought only. A little smile tucked on the edge of her lips. She loved his kisses, the delicate ones as much as the more wilder, demanding ones, when she knew he wanted more.

Then she remembered his touch, the feeling his warm hands left, when they wandered up and down her sides. How she felt a shiver down her spine when his breath touched her ear. How his fingers almost mindlessly found their way beneath her shirt and how his fingertips danced on her naked skin, sent their warmth in her body. 

The craving after his touch grew stronger, but all she could do was to pull his jacket closer around her, bury her face in it and smell the last few bits of him that were left. But she couldn’t even start to compare it with a simple hug from him. 

Nothing in the world felt better than his arms around her, pulling her as close as possible. When she could feel his special warmth that radiated from his body, that made her feel safer than anything else. His arms, his presence, his scent, his touch, his voice, it all meant so much to her. It meant protection, not only from the world but from her thoughts as well. It meant calmness, that made her feel like everything was okay and everything would be okay, no matter what. It meant to be loved, for everything she was and without question, even though her brain sometimes wanted to tell her otherwise. It meant bliss and it promised happiness, joy, hope and laughter. Being in his arms meant being home, with all the different meanings of it. 

But now he was so far away, unreachable and she suddenly felt cold. The warmth of his jacket could never be the same as the warmth of his body. Her hand reached for her neck, it was a habit. To play with her necklace when she felt uneasy. It took her a few seconds to realize it wasn’t there and then she remembered. She gave it to him. And as always she couldn’t resist the urge to wonder if he ever looked at it. If he ever went and retrieved it from wherever he kept it safe, just to hold it, look at it, maybe think about her. Or if it just stayed hidden, a silent companion that kept him safe. Not that it would make any difference, she was just curious. 

“What are you thinking?” 

His voice brought her back to reality. She shuffled around beneath the blanket, looked at the starts and smiled. How could she not smile at the sound of his voice. It was all she had from him at the moment and while she wished she had more, it was way more than needed to make her so happy that her cheeks hurt. 

“I just realized how much I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” 

[ildsjels]

writeblr follow train!

hi everyone! my name is tessa and i’m an avid writer. i started this blog about a year ago and i’ve been on a bit of hiatus from school but i’m back again!! 

if you’re apart of the writeblr community please like/reblog this!! i’d like to start a follow train so we can all follow each other! :-)

[snippetsofwritings]

Like Air

It felt like drowning. Drowning in all those feelings that didn't feel like my own. My heart started hurting and I could feel my throat tightening, and before I knew it I had tears in my eyes.

He probably sensed it before he could see it. He asked what's wrong and it took me a few seconds to explain, my throat so dry it was hard to speak. 'You need something to concentrate on. Is there anything you can think of?'

I shook my head, defeated. It felt like I just needed to endure this until it was over.

In a heartbeat he was before me, brushed away my tears and got really close. 'Try concentrating on this.' He got even closer, I could feel his breath on my lips. 'Concentrate on the feeling of my lips on yours..'

And then he kissed me. And everything else in my head went away. Those feelings that so obviously were not mine but somehow ended up inside my chest just went away. And it felt so damn good.

And so we kissed for quite a while before he pulled away. 'How did that feel?'

'Like air when you are drowning.'