live from the red carpet

Descendants gossip blog, hosted by Snow White.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @handbitten​/the oldest Smee child? Hardly anyone gets to visit Wonderland and it sounds like now the borders might be closed all because they decided to make a scene after getting punch on some ugly dress. Maybe it was the first thing they had to wear that didn’t come out of a dumpster, but here’s a tip from the fairest of them all for you. If you’re going to play dress up, you should at least do it well. But too late for that, now rumor has it that Wonderland has a ban list and for as backwards of a society as that is, I don’t blame them.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @fortmiinable​/Ben Florian? The answer to that question should always be yes since he’s our king, but I understand if sometimes his decisions are so horribly misguided that you can’t stand to listen. Some advisor must have broken through to him so he’d made a wise decision and put up check points on the Isle, but those didn’t last long at all before they were brought down. For a shining moment, he was a strong king that could lead us, but now that hive of scum and villainy is free to leech freely from us and distribute its muck on our streets. We’ve all been faithful to the crown since it was given to King Ben’s family and he’s repaid us by stripping away our security for no reason. We deserve better.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @conquerlove​/Luz Hatter? He’s been seen skulking around the Isle late at night wearing something that’s been described as a trench coat and making all sorts of questionable meetings with people. Now why would you be meeting up with different groups of people in the middle of the night near the Isle unless you’re doing something sneaky that it’s best if the authorities don’t know about? And would you like to know something else the night is good for? Robberies. There was one in the paper recently and if you have a clever mind like mine, you’d know these two things are related.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @ohshuhnaiz​? Everyone knows that he has questionable music taste and rumors have it that his numbers are tanking just like his future. He’s banned by all reputable music stations, but it seems like now he’s not good enough for even the disreputable places after his last album and that his very generous attempt to shine the spotlight on an up and coming band is just a ploy to see if he can worm his way back into the limelight now that he’s realized no one decent wants to listen to his message. If he makes a comeback with a song from the party that night, do you think anyone will remember who played it first? I doubt it.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @conquerlove​/Audrey Rose? Instead of having the good sense to stay away from that disaster of a dating auction, she willingly volunteered, can you believe it? She threw herself in as a contender at the last moment after verifying that she’d receive a bet. It seems like our favorite cursed princess wasn’t volunteering out of the goodness of her heart, but the pettiness of her soul. While no one knows how much the King bid on his rehabilitated bad girl fiancée, rumors make it seem like she was in high demand and once again managed to overshadow the former favorite ‘it’ girl of the kingdom. Oh, well, that’s how the rose wilts.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @faetaels​/Wilford Clayton? Impossible not to when every he says is in a yell, but that might land him in trouble soon. There are reports that he’s been spotted going in and out of Sherwood forest with a gun, isn’t that just barbaric? Everyone knows that Sherwood forest is the best for hunting and considering who his father is… Well, it’s not a surprise that he’s under suspicion of poaching in order to sell to Cruella De Vil, now is it? He’s also been seen in the company of a goat, but it won’t take long before he’s caught with a dead animal and then charges can be brought. Until then, keep an eye on your puppies.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @deifiedstars​/Jonas Askari? Pirate by day, craftmaker by night, it seems that he makes things out of shiny glass shards and normal people like you and I may rightfully call this playing with junk to create more junk, but it turns out it has its uses. Fairies are attracted to these strange glass baubles and just maybe a certain pirate crew has decided to start trapping them for their power… or just trapping them to sell since I know certain pirates are busy sailing the seas. Oh, but it can’t be that easy to trap a fairy, you say? I certainly don’t know how their kind work, but another fairy might, and isn’t it strange how a pirate crew has taken one under their wing?

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @conquerlove​/Will Stronghold? He’s been seen flying around Auradon lately like a human drone and maybe that’s faster than walking, but it’s certainly suspicious the way he almost seems to be patrolling. This is Auradon, after all, why would we possibly need a child to watch out for us when we know more about suffering than they ever will? The other theory is that he’s looking for something and I think he might be our answer to the strange things that were left on the beach. He’s strong enough to steal a toll booth and could fly to drop it in the water, it would be simple for someone like him to take childish pranks too far. Maybe I should have a word with his parents about keeping him better in check.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @faetaels​/Lily Marmoreal? It seems the little princess is so spoiled that she can’t be bothered to keep her life under control even to support charity. Instead of going on a harmless little lunch date, she trashed a hotel room and she may even be banned! I don’t blame them, what kind of respectable establishment would want some maniac that’s possibly on a drug binge to ever return? Everyone knows that the people from Wonderland aren’t stable, I bet people were secretly grateful that she made a spectacle of herself and left. She might be the white queen’s daughter, but she seems to have the temperament of the queen of hearts… I hope Wonderland doesn’t have another villain growing from its gardens.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @islebrn​/Melody de Tirulia? Seems like her family has decided to have a little yacht party, how quaint of them. Usually I’d say it's good for them to stay on a boat since that’s where the family is most qualified to be, but the sun must have boiled their brains. Haven’t they read the news lately? If you don’t skip straight to the comics, you’d notice the stories about a certain giant sea witch in the bay and for those of you that fell asleep in class, I’ll give you a little tip. Their families don’t like each other. I’d stay away from that yacht party if I were you… or bring a very large harpoon.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @divneity​/Evangeline Maldovenia? Her family finally had their disaster get together and it seems like the entire event was a ploy to support their daughter. I thought all the mixed messaging was due to the family being unable to plan, but now it seems clear what was going on. They invited a band not for entertainment, but for their little nightingale to upstand and steal the stage from, all in the hopes of getting a career. Maybe someone should tell her that money may be able to buy you a nose job, but it can’t buy you a singing voice. Well, I suppose it can buy you autotune.

[snowsnitches]

rumor has it that uma (cecaelian) is trying to get auradon kids to swim with sharks

You mean that hasn’t been her goal all along? Maybe some of you don’t remember cotillion and the way she attacked with her tentacles, I know how hard it can be to think about such traumatic events, but it happened. When you’re dealing with someone that’s a sea monster, you should be prepared for a watery grave. Or maybe you mean this literally? I still wouldn’t be surprised, but I hope we raised our children to be smart enough not to fall for a trap that turns them into shark food.

@cecaelian

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rumor has it that evie (grimhilde) sets up her lovers in penthouses

Is she now? How typical. You know she didn’t buy that castle of hers, don’t you? It’s all paid for by the great kingdom of Auradon and I bet those penthouses are the same, little dens of depravity that the poor taxpayers are footing the bill for. The nerve of some people, manipulating the government and making them pay  to keep your hook-ups cozy and in place for when she wants something fast... She truly has her mother’s disrespect for the sanctity of a heart.

@grimhilde

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Did you hear about @paintedragcn​? I imagine not, she’s been laying as low as a snake in the grass… or maybe a lizard. What has happened to that wretched mother of hers? You know, I hear they eat bugs over there and one theory floating around is they put her on a stick, roasted her, and then Mal consumed her in an effort to absorb all her magic. Or maybe that’s just a rumor, who really wants to check in on that woman’s wellbeing to see if she’s in perfect scaly health, after all? Regardless, if silence means scheming, you might want to keep an eye on your mother today… or make sure you have a terrarium ready to go.

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @janefaery​? Probably not since no one has heard from her in a week, not even her own dear mother on this, mother’s day! We all knew Jane was going off the rails, but to ignore her mother? It’s hard to imagine a worse crime she could commit. Then again… a little birdie told me that the last time she was seen in public, she was slipping away to the isle for some crazed sex party. I can’t believe that our very own teacher of goodness was cursed with a harlot daughter that might very well be caught in some drugged high right now instead of thanking her mother for giving birth to her. I guess there are injustices even in Auradon… make sure you spare a thought for fairy godmother, won’t you?

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @conquerlove​? A little birdie told me that she ordered flowers to be delivered to Megara for mother's day, can you believe it? If that’s not a sign that a big announcement is coming up, I don’t know what is. Oh, this is so exciting, you know that Princess Audrey has been planning her wedding forever and maybe she’s not netting a king, but a demigod is better than a delinquent, am I right? Although… getting points with the mother in law before even formally announcing a courtship? I hope Audrey isn’t in trouble with a little nine month timer...

[snowsnitches]

Did you hear about @arthurjr​? One of our less interesting royals to be sure, but a little birdie told me that he was seen taking a romantic walk in the woods with a young woman that sources haven’t been able to identify! She might be a nobody, but the interesting part is they were seen in the company of squirrels, the most important animal to the royal family of Camelot! They might as well be the royal animal and if they were chaperoning this little outing, it sounds like we might have another royal falling for a peasant!