Snow’s Silent Rest

Autistic Queer Writer. 27. Lover of cats, video games, and good writing.

[snowssilentrest]

Okay, now time for Sayaka's post! Sayaka initially had only three songs, but now she has 18 songs. Her stuff is more theatrical, compared to Shunsuke's variety of musicals, JPop, JRock, and indie stuff, and Ryou's folk sound. With that being said, she has the three songs, At The Ballet, A Song About Nothing, and Smile Away. With that in mind, let's continue.

Sayaka to me is someone who acts silly for attention, but in reality, has a lot going on underneath her. I think she is someone who views attention of any kind as proof of her existence, and thus, as long as people interact with her, she matters. She's a girl who tries to be silly and unserious, but is, deep down, a scared girl who notices way more than she lets on. You don't really see much of this, though, until she joins you to search for Aya, but this is notable when she talks with Shunsuke outside the phone booth towards the beginning of the game, where she notices that Shunsuke's last name and his Dad's last name are different after he brings it up. So, I tried to strike a balance between the version of herself she shows everyone, versus who she really is. I hope my picks make sense.

Of course, I had to go with something from Funny Girl, a musical about a Vaudeville star, Fanny Bryce. Well. Kinda. It's a very fictitious retelling of her life, but this is an oldie. It's not here for a deep plot. It's here for good songs, funny laughs, and nothing else. But I'm The Greatest Star is basically Sayaka trying to make others laugh. By deliberately being random.

Hey, remember the voice claim I gave for Sayaka initially! Yeah, I decided to add that song to her playlist. I just think this song really fits Sayaka's attitude really well. And I just had to include it. But this song, while still showing her silliness, shows that there is something deeper going on.

Now, her adult voice claims! This musical is honestly the whole reason I picked Megan as one of her adult voice claims. A lot of the songs in this musical really suit Sayaka. Now, if you know the story of Daddy Long Legs, the character she calls Daddy is not her Father. For the sake of her character, though, we're divorcing it from the context of the story, which is still good. And the musical is the best adaptation of it. But I digress... This song is basically Sayaka noting that she's not like other girls, but honestly wants to be like other girls so she doesn't have to hide who she is as much, but she knows deep down her real self wouldn't be seen as approachable. Or, that's at least what she thinks at first...

This is what she really wants... She wants to be herself without feeling judged by others. She wants to be herself, and she decides to be herself apologetically, not caring what others think. So, yeah... This song pretty much speaks for itself, and one listen gives you all the reason for why it's Sayaka.

This song is basically her showing who she is with no qualms about what others think of her. She doesn't care if others think of her as a nuisance... Or she tries not to. She's going to live how she wants to, regardless.

I don't remember right now if I used this song for Yuuichi or not because I did think of giving it to him, but I am passing it along to Sayaka. This song represents how free she feels once she starts being herself, despite what those outside of her friend group think. However, despite this, Sayaka says a lot of things she doesn't know the meaning of, which leads to the next song.

This song represents Sayaka feeling like her silliness prevents others from seeing how easy it is for her to learn new things. Sayaka is someone I see as pretty smart despite her silliness. But her silliness makes others see her as a fool, and nothing else... And while that part of her is her, it still hurts to be underestimated.

I know I said we have to divorce the context of Daddy Long Legs from Sayaka, but in this one instance, this song is basically Sayaka lashing out at her Father for drinking and saying he wants to kill himself, and she might say, "Then die already." But she regrets it immediately and says sorry... She likely has to deal with a lot with her Dad being so depressed he wants to die... and while it's pitiable, it does also get frustrating when you're from the outside looking in.

Okay. So, there are two versions of this song. One from the London Cast Recording (Which is this version), and the one on the Broadway Cast Recording. I picked the London version because I felt it fit Sayaka better. Specifically, a Sayaka who acts differently at home than when around her friends and family. A Sayaka who is told that others envy her for her energy. A Sayaka who is still waiting... For what, she doesn't know...

This is Sayaka recognizing how little she knows her Dad. And how much that hurts her because he doesn't try to tell her anything about himself. And yet, he knows a lot about her... And that hurts. She's his daughter, and he may as well be a stranger to her... This is her wanting to escape her home life, but also wanting to know her Dad before it's too late... And she never gets that opportunity because Yuuichi kills him...

This is a song I wanted to add after I posted my initial character analysis post on her. But I didn't even think of it until afterwards, and it's honestly because of this verse.

Be happy That's the answer Be the center of attention Be the person people mention to their friends

Be a winner Be a dancer Be the life of every party Then go home and don't be lonely When it ends

I think this song, and its relation to trying to be happy and only being that happy, so others will want to be around you. It's a song about someone doing everything they feel like they need to do to be happy. But they still can't find it.

And now, we're on to People. A song about being needed. This is Sayaka making note of everything she's observed on TV, at school, and in her surroundings, and this is her conclusion. That people who need people are the luckiest people of all. It's a simple conclusion. One a child would make. But still true all the same.

This song... This song is one of the best musical theatre songs in history. It's a song sung by an actress in the context of the show. Which is why the word clown is used. It's using the classical meaning of the word, which means fool, or comic relief. The song is basically saying, bring out the comic relief because the leading lady is bombing. But in this case, Sayaka is both the leading lady and the clown. This is a Sayaka who is told to stop acting how she's always acting, and she can only think, "I thought this was how you wanted me to act..." Now. Typically, I would not equate this song with an 8 or 9-year-old girl. Especially since the character singing this is supposed to be in her 40s or 50s, but honestly, I can see Sayaka thinking she relates to this song as a kid, only to be hit with an "Oh! That's what that song meant!" when she gets older.

A Sayaka after the Incident... A Sayaka who tries to move on. Now, this song isn't a perfect fit. Especially regarding her Dad's other family, but everything else is so good that I had to include it here. I think the show itself is a bit "babies' first musical," but we need more approachable musicals for a younger audience, and it's very effective at what it sets out to do. I just think this is Sayaka realizing, especially after everything, that it doesn't matter who or what others want her to be. It's her story. She can choose who is involved in it and who isn't... The past is holding her back... So, she moves forward...

Her thoughts once she's in a better mental state. This is a Sayaka who revisits her friend and tells them what she learned with a bright smile on her face. Everyone is surprised by her mature outlook... But she just says, "I think I've always thought this way. It's just no one heard me before." Sidenote: I love this song... It really makes me feel good. It's just a good song about taking things slow and enjoying the ride... Do what makes you feel happy if it is safe.

Don't let this song fool you. While the lyrics are very generalized. This song is not about romantic love. But rather, the love of those you've tried to obtain in life, whether through your career, or just being who you are... This is a Sayaka who sees how much the trauma has affected everyone, and she sees that making them laugh isn't going to help this time... So, she says, "We did what we had to do. We're here. We're still alive... We can't regret what we did back there... I don't... I don't regret any of my decisions... I don't regret what I did for love..."

And that's the end of Sayaka's playlist. I will admit, a lot of this was more speculative than concrete. But my initial idea of trying to find songs about someone using humor to cope was surprisingly hard. If you hadn't noticed, I try to structure my playlists so that it feels like a story is being told. I will likely be working on the others in due time. Probably either Aya's or Shunsuke's Mom. But for the latter, her playlist will be more connected to my story than Re:Kinder, and I already know if I made that and released it, I'd be spoiling my story. But... if you're interested in figuring out her story, I can make it and give you guys a puzzle to see where I am taking her. But only if you want to try and figure it out. If you want to remain unspoiled, then I'll wait until after the December arc to make it. Mami is in the same boat, but hers would be a longer wait. If you know, you know. But I digress. I'll likely make Aya's sometime soon. She will probably get a few more songs, too, if I can find any that fit. I'd love to use Silent Hill, but the soundtracks for Origins, Homecoming, and Shattered Memories aren't on Spotify anymore, which really sucks because a couple of those games have songs I would use for her. Maybe I'll include them as bonuses. Anyway, I digress. Thanks for indulging me here.

[snowssilentrest]

Hey, I made two Re:Kinder playlists! One for Ryou, and one for Sayaka. I actually added more songs than what were initially on either character's musical analysis. I'll likely separate them by posts though to make it feel more special. Without further ado, let's get started with Ryou, who has 17 songs on his playlist.

I've included two of the songs that are technically more related to his parents than himself in the beginning because I felt they gave a good idea of what his home life was like. But Your Light, Open Arms, Daybreak, The Riddle Song, and Here For You are in here, as well as Throwing In The Towel, since I consider Sodapop's verse in that song to be intrinsic to Ryou as a character, despite the song being introduced on Hiroto's playlist. I felt bad only giving five songs, so I tried to find more songs, and I searched the crevice of my memory, and I actually came across more songs than I expected. By complete coincidence, a lot of them had a folk theme going on.

First song I really want to showcase is Now And For Always, which is from a Lord of the Rings Musical of all things. I had not listened to this musical since I was a senior in high school, but I did remember this song sticking out to me all those years ago. And having connected Shunsuke and Ryou to Frodo and Sam respectively, I thought... Why not... And I don't regret it. This song is beautiful. It really does a great job showing the deep friendship Frodo and Sam had in the story, and I just had to include it... I'll be honest... I have a deep love for The Lord of the Rings. I got into it in Junior High, and it was one of the few media I was able to connect with my Dad on, who read the series as a child. A couple of years ago, we watched the extended editions together as a family, and there were times when he mentioned things that happened in the books that didn't happen in the original cut, and then it would show the exact scene he described in the extended cut... I don't really get to speak much about my love for this series, so I am glad I was able to have this brief opportunity. I do stand by that Ryou is basically the Sam to Shunsuke's Frodo. I think the two's dynamic could really lean into this, and I do genuinely love that.

Honestly, I did not think I would revisit Water for Elephants since my thoughts on this musical are that it needs to be seen to be appreciated, as the songs on their own are kinda weak. At least those were my thoughts. I decided to give this song a chance to see if maybe something from here could fit Ryou, and honestly... Yeah, they do. Especially this song, which in the context of the show is sung by the female lead as she comforts her horse, who is in a lot of pain, and is about to be put down. Since Ryou is the healer of the group, I do see him saying these words to someone who is hurting, while also telling himself these same words.

I think this is a good postgame Shunsuke and Ryou song with Ryou taking on Johnny's role. I do think that the two do kinda have a similar dynamic to Ponyboy and Johnny. Especially towards the end of the song, where Ryou says, "I'll never leave you alone." It's a very simply song, but I do think it's effective as well.

This is basically Ryou's beliefs. I think after the Incident, he'd try to have a bit of a brighter outlook. Bright Star is one of the few musicals I can think of with a bluegrass score. And it's really good. The book is a bit of a mess, but the score is well worth the price of admission. I actually saw this show when it was touring around 8 or so years ago. I'll be honest, this song was a last-minute addition, but I felt I had to include it for its earnestness. And Ryou is a very earnest character, even if he's a bit of a messpot sometimes. Much like the show itself.

Ryou to any of his friends. Especially Shunsuke. Honestly, if I looked, I could probably find more Glen Hansard songs that fit Ryou, but I'm sticking with this for now. This song would showcase just how much Ryou understands Shunsuke better than anyone else. The chorus of "When your mind's made up, there is no point in trying to change it." Shows Ryou as someone who knows Shunsuke is someone who won't change his mind, but he'll still be there for him through and through.

Ryou watching his friend get worse and still being there for him... I've been wanting to use Sonya Alone from Great Comet for a while. This song is from an adaptation of War and Peace (a section of it, at least). The chorus,

"I will stand in the dark for you I will hold you back by force I will stand here right outside your door." "I will protect your name and your heart Because I miss my friend."

This song is a heartbreaking showing of loyalty to someone who is insistent on making a terrible mistake, and I think the concern really shows Ryou off as a whole.

Another song from Water From Elephants. This is basically Ryou finally coming to terms with his own trauma after ignoring his own... This is his grief... His way of showing it... In this song, he blames Yuuichi for taking his parents away from him before he could tell them how much he loved them, even though they weren't perfect... They were still his... And I think Ryou feels bad for this because he knows how much Shunsuke really wanted to save Yuu, and he can't feel anything but contempt for him. Ryou, I think, is someone who wants to help others, but knows there is very little he can actually do... And I think that's something he hates about himself... But he still keeps going...

The ending song for Persona 3 The Answer... A song about living on after losing someone you care about... I'll provide the English lyrics below...

Sunlight, the ray of morning that woke me up Shines again (all over my sight) – on this world While holding the collapsed promise all alone by myself I'm chasing over (it’s over my blind) - the yesterday in eyelid

Stay high, I’ve forgotten This clear blue sky Surely given by you The shining true feeling

Someday, if the strength of our held hands are scarred I won’t let it go, dear friends We’ll be like this, always

I wonder how many days strayed ‘cause we looked up at the same moon? Have you getting past (we told you so long) the same goodbye?

I knew it; surely, the pain was inflicted by the jewel As I count (you told me what’s wrong) -- those lost lights

Stay high, if you notice it Hey, there’s a dazzling blue sky on the window Surely, tomorrow’s door Still green, will open

Someday, if the passage of time changes everything I will never lose it It’s “you” I’ll lead the Brand New Days

Sunlight, the ray of morning that woke me up Then starts to shine (it’s all up to you) – on this world

There are days when I was tired to call “the meaning of living”, and then I was cowering Even so, it’s still in my heart (so look up to you) – your smile

Stay high, I’ve forgotten This clear blue sky Surely given by you The shining true feeling

Since I’ve been awake from the dream I will meet a new tomorrow That certainly believes in Your faith Always, every time

Stay high, if you notice it Hey, there’s a dazzling blue sky on the window Surely, tomorrow’s door Always green, opens

New Days, where you can hear the spring’s wind among the Graduation On the true days from today Where I meet you, towards tomorrow I’ll lead the brand new days

The new miracle will start from here At the Shining Place, right? Once more, with you…

Yeah... I wish I had more to provide for Ryou. If I find anything, I'll be sure to add some, but for now, this is it. I hope you guys like what I picked for them. I'll write my Sayaka post now.

[snowssilentrest]

It's Not That Complicated - A Re:Kinder Oneshot

Shunsuke looks at his phone. He reads back a message from a certain boy...

Yuuichi: Hey. You wanna meet up somewhere? Just the two of us?

Shunsuke: Sure. What day and time?

Yuuichi: Saturday at 1:00 works for me.

Shunsuke: Yeah, okay. We can hang out then.

Yuuichi: Great! It's a date then! Meet me at our usual spot! I'll see you then, handsome!

Shunsuke: Wait! What do you mean by date?!

Yuuichi never left a response... That's just like him... Ever since they met five years ago, Yuuichi has always liked making him feel weird. Whether it'd be complimenting his looks, or getting as close to him as possible, even when around friends... Heck, when they're alone, Yuuichi goes further, by brushing his hand against his, tackling him from behind and making him carry him (Although, in fairness, he'll do that even with people around...), to even hugging him really closely... Shunsuke tells him to stop, but he never does, and he's always happy he doesn't... But why is that? Why does he like it when Yuuichi does those things? Why is it that every time he sees him, he feels his heart beat super fast... Why is it every time Yuuichi says something that sounds like flirting, he just blushes like a fool... Why does he want to return the favor? Why does Yuuichi have to be so... cute... Shunsuke screams into a pillow, embarrassed.

"C'mon, Shunsuke! He's just teasing! It doesn't mean anything!" He shouts. "I mean... You're not even..." Shunsuke stops himself... "Aren't I though...?"

Shunsuke pulls up an article on gay rights... It's just been passed in America recently that gay marriage is allowed on a national level. He asked his Mom what that meant, and she explained that it meant two men or women could get married like a man and woman now... He remembers being shocked to hear this and asked, "Wait, that's okay now!"

His Mom's response, "It's always been okay. The world is just slow sometimes..." She gave him a look he couldn't quite describe, and that's when the questions came flooding...

Shunsuke knew that he hadn't really found girls all that attractive... But before then, he just chalked that up to not finding the right girl... But then Yuuichi came along and complicated things... He met him by chance in the 2rd grade, running into him on the streets of Kowada town, and they became fast friends... Shunsuke introduced him to Sayaka and Ryou, and they welcomed him with open arms... Yuuichi was reluctant to join them at first, but in time, he would come to their old hideout and play together after school... During that time, Yuuichi got really close to Shunsuke... and the games they would play together became very similar to the games Ryou and Sayaka played together... Yuuichi, of course, would pretend to be the wife, and Shunsuke, bless his heart, tried to be the husband... But he was so off with it that he just turned into a blushing mess... So, they pivoted to playing knights instead. Shunsuke was the Prince, and Yuuichi the Princess. As it turned out, Shunsuke was much more suited to that role, and they would have all sorts of fun... Later on, more friends like Takumi, Aya, Rei, and Hiroto came along, and they joined in on their game... Little did Shunsuke know at the time that all these games were an escape from Yuuichi's home life...

But that was then... this is now... He hopes... Yuuichi is pretty tight-lipped about what goes on at home nowadays... He remembered one particular day when he told him about his parents' fight all the time, and he's the one holding everything together... Most of this came out of nowhere, but Shunsuke listened to his friend who confided in him about something deeply personal... When he was done, he said,

"I understand if you want to stop being my friend... Most people hate me... If you continue to know me, you might end up being hated too..."

Shunsuke didn't know how to tell him that he's already hated... At least by his Dad and his family... So, he hugged him gently and kept him close... "Sorry... You're not getting rid of me that easily..."

"Idiot... You're way too nice..." He responded.

He slept over that night, his Mom cooking them her best curry, and giving him love he clearly isn't used to... Since then, the two have gotten closer and closer... and soon Shunsuke started thinking that Yuuichi was cute... not just cute, but like really cute... These thoughts scared him... These weren't the first time he's had thoughts like these about other boys. Hiroto was a pretty big example... And honestly, his first real step into discovering his... preferences... When he first met Hiroto, he wanted to be near him a lot. It must have been annoying to him at the time, but he was glad to be like a mentor to him... Or maybe a brother is more apt... But it wasn't just wanting to be near him, it was thinking how cool he looked, how strong he looked, how smart he was... Just how perfect he was... To a young 3rd grader still learning things about the world, Hiroto was basically his ideal of what a guy should be... His first real crush... Naturally, it didn't last long... Rei came into the group right around the same time, and while things were a bit rocky at the start with them, the two got close really quickly and soon became confidants, and that eventually turned into a genuine relationship... When that happened, he was happy for them both... The two weren't perfect, but they worked. They complemented each other in very real ways, and it made Shunsuke wonder if he would ever find someone like that for him...

"Okay... So, I might like boys... But that doesn't mean I like Yuuichi..." He tries to reason... He still hasn't told anyone about this... It's not exactly something you can casually bring up. "But..." He looks at the words, 'date' and 'handsome...' Is this really a date? Does he think he's really handsome? Was this Yuuichi trying to ask him out? Or was it Yuuichi pulling a Yuuichi... he just doesn't know... He really needs advice, but... who...?

At that moment, his Mom comes into the room, and can see the look of contemplation on his face... "Something got you stumped?" She asks.

"Oh... hi Mom..." He says, smiling at her... A lot has changed these last few years... His Mom finally ended things with his Dad. Good riddance, and she's been thriving a lot lately. Not only does she seem happier, but she's also been making a lot of strides in the baking industry to the point that her pies have won awards, which gave them enough money to start their own business, and that's been doing really well... Money is still not as tight as they would like it, but they're a lot better off than they were... "Umm..." Shunsuke trusts his Mom... She would probably be okay with him being... gay... Just use that word... It's not a bad word. But he doesn't really know how to tell her... "Well... Kinda..."

"You want my help?" Reina asks.

"Well... I was invited to hang out with someone on Saturday..." Shunsuke starts. "And... well, they called it a date..."

Reina looks at her son, happy for him... "Oh wow, look at you. When did you become so popular?" She asks, jokingly.

"Moooom!" Shunsuke blushes, embarrassed. "I'm not even sure if they meant a real date or if they were joking..."

"And why would you think that?" Reina asks.

"Well, because they have a history of blurring the lines... I never know if they're flirting or if they're just being silly..." Shunsuke admits. "I don't know... I think I want this to be a date... because I really, really, like them, but... I don't know if I like them that way or if it's just something else..."

"Well... there are a few questions I can ask to help you figure it out... You interested?" Reina asks, and Shunsuke nods. "Alright, first question, how long have you known them?"

"Five years..."

"Okay, so long enough to develop real feelings. 2nd question, how long have they acted this way?"

"Same amount of time..." Shunsuke answers.

"Ooh, good sign, 3rd question, who's the lucky boy?" Reina asks with a knowing smile.

"Huh? Wait, now hold on!" Shunsuke starts panicking. "I never said it was a... How did you...?"

"You just told me, silly..." Reina pokes his nose, and Shunsuke brings the pillow to his face in embarrassment. "Now, relax... It's not like I knew the entire time. I just... suspected..."

"You're not mad...?" Shunsuke asks, giving a peek. "Mad that I'm... different...?"

"No... You're my son... I love you no matter what anyone says..." Reina gives a gentle smile, and Shunsuke feels a weight lift off his chest... "Okay, now answer... Who's the boy?"

"It's Yuuichi..." He answers, turning a little pink.

"Okay, yeah, he's definitely into you," Reina says, so quickly it practically gives Shunsuke whiplash. "Definitely treat this like a real date. He'll appreciate it, I promise."

"Umm... Okay, but... um..." Now for the other problem... "What do I do on a date...?"

"Well, first, you dress nicely. Second, you should be as sweet as you can, while still being yourself. Third, and this is very important for you, especially, be discreet. Even straight couples are looked at strangely for public displays of affection."

"Well, I don't think that'll be a problem," Shunsuke says, knowing he'd be too nervous to even hold hands with Yuuichi. "But what will I wear?"

"Let's pick something out..." Reina goes to her son's closet and looks through his clothes... "Geez... You really got to organize this..."

"Leave me alone, it's organized... for me..." Shunsuke says, a little too defensively.

"Let's see, I know Rei got you something good not too long ago... Ah! Here we are!" She pulls out a royal blue button-down shirt, his usual white T-shirt, and some grey jean shorts. Since it's summer, he really should try to avoid long pants for the time being. Plus, he's a teenager, so he can be owed some leeway. "This will definitely work..."

Shunsuke looks at the clothes, choosing to defer to his Mom on this one. His sense of fashion is just as bad as it was when he was younger. So, the help is appreciated. "Okay... Yeah, this will work..." He gets really nervous, all of a sudden. "Okay... okay... So, just in case this is real, I'll at least look decent."

"What time is the date?" Reina asks.

"1:00..." He answers.

"Okay..." Reina goes to get her purse and gives her some yen, putting it on his desk. "Don't forget this, okay? This should be enough for whatever you two want to do together. Just try to be home before 9:00. Keep your phone with you, just in case. Alright?"

"Yes, ma'am," Shunsuke says, smiling... "Hey, Mom... Thank you..."

Reina just smiles and leaves her son to think about his next steps for his first date... It's hard to believe how much he's grown these past few years... She knows the world will likely be against him, but as long as he stays himself, she knows he'll be okay...

As Shunsuke lies down on his bed, thinking about the next day, he gets a text from the group chat...

Ryou: Hey, Shunsuke, you free to hang out tomorrow?

Shunsuke: Sorry. I can't. I have a date tomorrow.

Ryou: Oh, okay...

Sayaka: Wait, a date!?

Ryou: Hold on, I'm just not realizing what you say. You have a date!?

Shunsuke: Geez... Don't sound so shocked...

Takumi: I was wondering why my phone was buzzing. Shunsuke, do you seriously have a date?

Shunsuke: Even you, Takumi?

Takumi: Sorry! I don't mean anything by it.

Sayaka: I do! Who would fall for you? I'm kidding! Who is she? Do we know her?

Shunsuke: I'm not telling you! It's a secret! You'll have to find out later!

Sayaka: Ah boo! You're no fun!

Aya: Hi. Just checking in. Shunsuke... Best of luck on your date. I'm sure you'll do great.

Shunsuke: Thanks, Aya...Hey, Ryou, I managed to get a date before you. How do you feel?

Ryou: Shut up!

Shunsuke: Am I wrong? Are you and Sayaka actually dating?

Sayaka: Hey, don't make this about us, buster!

Rei: Yeesh, you guys are loud. Some of us are trying to study here. By the way, Shunsuke, what are you wearing?

Shunsuke takes a picture of his outfit, which his Mom picked out for him, and Rei sends a thumbs-up emoji.

Rei: Not a bad pick. You'll look good in that.

Hiroto: Sorry, I'm late. What's this about Shunsuke getting a date?

Rei: He's got a date, Hiro. It's his first one.

Hiroto: Oh, wow! Congrats, Shunsuke. Best of luck with whoever it is!

Shunsuke: Thanks... Anyway... Do you guys have any ideas what we should do?

Ryou: No clue.

Takumi: Don't ask me

Sayaka: I'm going to recuse myself here. My ideas will probably make you mad.

Aya: You can take them out to eat somewhere... I'd let them pick.

Rei: Aya's got the right idea. But a movie isn't a bad idea either.

Hiroto: Amusement parks are always a safe option. But honestly, you're better off going along with what your date wants, unless they ask you what you want.

Rei: That's the winner right there.

Sayaka: No flirting in the group chat!

Rei: No.

Sayaka: Darn!

Shunsuke: Okay... Thanks... I'll figure it out on my own. But anyway... wish me luck!

Shunsuke silences his phone and decides to try to get some sleep for the next day. When the next day comes, Shunsuke takes a shower to make sure he is clean and then puts on deodorant and cologne. He tries to brush his hair to make it look somewhat nice, but he just goes with his usual style. He puts on his usual white t-shirt, and then layers his royal blue button-down over it, putting on his grey jorts, and then putting on some good walking shoes. He then shows his outfit to his Mom, who promptly takes a photo. Shunsuke turns a little pink, but he smiles a genuine smile... "Did you get the money?" She asks, and he shows the money in his pocket. "Oh, you need a wallet..." Reina looks around the house, and she finds an old wallet she doesn't use anymore and puts the money in there, giving it to Shunsuke. "Okay... Is there anything else you need?"

"Emotional support?" He jokes.

She playfully pushes his shoulder. "You're going to be fine. Now, go have fun... I'll see you when you get home..."

Shunsuke heads out the door and heads on over to his and Yuuichi's usual meeting spot... He tries to be as relaxed as possible. It's completely possible Yuuichi was just messing with him. But when he gets to the meeting spot, Yuuichi is not only already there, but he's wearing a short-sleeved lavender polo shirt and cargo shorts... His messy hair is in its usual state, but it looks like there was an attempt at combing it before he just gave up and left it as is. When Yuuichi sees him, he waves to him, and Shunsuke walks over to him...

"Well, you look dressed to impress," Yuuichi states, looking him over with his usual smile. "Did your Mom pick that out for you?"

"Y-Yeah..." Shunsuke answers.

Yuuichi pokes his forehead. Of course, he has to get on his tippy toes to do so. "You weren't supposed to be so honest, silly... But you look good. How do I look?"

"Um, uh..." Shunsuke struggles to find the words. Well, that's a lie. The first word he thought of was cute. The second was adorable. The third was... "Good..." Shunsuke kicks himself for picking something so plain. But it's hard enough admitting you find a boy either of those things. Do so in a public setting, and it makes it 11x harder.

Yuuichi chuckles, though, as if he expected such an answer. "You're lucky you're cute, or I might have found that insulting."

Shunsuke turns a bright pink, but he regains his composure long enough to ask... "You didn't answer my text..." He sounds a little disappointed at that... "I was really wondering what you meant..."

"I saw it. But I wanted to see what answer you came up with. Judging by how dressed up you are, you thought I meant date in that way..." Yuuichi says.

"Was I wrong...?" Shunsuke asks...

Yuuichi walks up to him, getting really close to him, and says, "What do you think?"

"Um..." Shunsuke's legs start to shake, and he backs away a little... As much as he wants this to be a date, he's still... struggling with being open about his identity... "Sorry..." He immediately says... "I don't want you to think that I don't want it to be that way, but... um... You know...."

Yuuichi sighs and smiles gently. "Of course I know..." Yuuichi keeps his distance. "For the record... I did want this to be a date in that way... I wanted to know if you were like me..."

"I am! I mean... I think I am..." Shunsuke says, still uncertain, but pretty sure.

Yuuichi goes over and grabs Shunsuke's hands, who turns a bright red, the moment their hands touch... "You're in good company then..."

Shunsuke doesn't let go... He really likes holding his hand... It's different... They did hold hands a lot when they were younger, but now it feels different... It feels... safe... "So... what do you want to do?"

Yuuichi shrugs his shoulders, "Honestly, I wasn't even sure you were going to come... But since you're here..." Yuuichi thinks about it for a second before remembering that a movie he's been wanting to see is in theatres... "Did your Mom get you some money?" Shunsuke nods... "Then let's go to the movies! A new movie came out, and I really want to see it!"

"O-Okay..." Yuuichi leads Shunsuke to the movie theatre, and he pays for two tickets to the movie Yuuichi wants to see. While also getting them some drinks and popcorn.

The two take their seats, and Yuuichi wastes no time leaning on Shunsuke. This boy is not subtle at all, and yet Shunsuke still wonders if Yuuichi genuinely likes him, or if he's just doing this to be funny... He decides not to think about it, though, genuinely liking the attention he's giving him... The two spend the next couple of hours watching the movie... Yuuichi spent the entire time watching the film closely, while Shunsuke kept more of his eyes on Yuuichi's face... The way he would smile when something funny happened, the way his face would pout when a character he disliked was on screen, and how, during the emotional moments, Yuuichi went oddly quiet and just looked at the screen with an almost distant look... During that moment... Shunsuke slowly puts his hand over Yuuichi's, which snaps Yuuichi out of his trance, and he looks towards him, surprised... Yuuichi's face turns a dark red when Shunsuke does that... Thankfully, he doesn't see that, but he never expected Shunsuke to be the one to make any kind of move on him... Does he actually like him, too? He honestly thought he was humoring him... Shunsuke smiles, and Yuuichi just turns his face towards the screen... his little heart beating so fast...

When the movie ends, Shunsuke and Yuuichi still feel a bit hungry despite the popcorn, and Shunsuke says, "We can go get something to eat if you want. My Mom gave me enough to eat out."

"Hmm... I could eat..." Yuuichi says. "Sure!" The two then go to a nearby ramen joint that opened up recently, and they head inside and order a bowl. "You ever been here before?"

"A few times. It's pretty good," Shunsuke says. "Their tonkotsu ramen is really good..."

"I'll have to give it a try then..." Yuuichi says, ordering the same thing as Shunsuke. During this, the two talk a bit more. "So, how's middle school treating you?"

"Well... It's harder than elementary school. I actually have to try now..." Shunsuke admits. "My grades have gotten better because the idea of repeating a year is unappealing. But Ryou, Sayaka, and Takumi are in the same class as me, so that's a plus."

"Lucky... It would've sucked if you all got separated..." Yuuichi says. "Join any clubs?"

"Yeah... Actually, I'm in the music club with Aya," Shunsuke admits. "Well, it's more of a choir club really..."

"Oh, so you're a Glee kid," Yuuichi teases, which makes Shunsuke grimace.

"No! That's you," He counters.

"Oooh, ouch, that stings," Yuuichi says, smirking. "Well, at least neither of us gets slushies thrown in our faces."

"Yeah, if that happened to me, I'd probably throw them out the window." Shunsuke jokes.

"Well, let me know if that happens, and I'll help hide the body," Yuuichi adds, making Shunsuke laugh. "In all seriousness... How's the bullying situation there?"

"It's not too bad..." Shunsuke answers, with a solemn look... Yuuichi has a history of being bullied... Before, he and his friends could shield him from it a little, but now... With him being in 6th grade, and the others now in Junior High, it's not as easy as it once was... "Is it happening again..."

"Heheh, nothing gets by you..." Yuuichi answers.

"How bad is it?" Shunsuke asks.

"Nothing I can't handle... Don't worry, soon I'll be out of there, and you can show me around with everyone..." Yuuichi tries to assure... "But... I do miss you when I'm at school..." His voice turned serious for a second, but before turning chipper once more. "Well, you're here now! Let's not talk about that depressing stuff!"

Shunsuke is taken aback by the sudden shift, but he can tell that Yuuichi doesn't want to talk about this. "Hey, Yuuichi... Um..." Shunsuke is honestly at a loss about what to do next. It's been established that this is a date. They just got out of a movie and are now eating lunch together. After this, now what?

"So... I'm sorry, but I honestly don't know what I'm doing," Shunsuke admits.

"Is that supposed to be a surprise?" Yuuichi asks, sarcastically. "It's a date. Not rocket science. Just spend time with me, that's all you need to do."

"But... Well, it's only 4:00. My Mom says to be home by 9:00, and there really isn't much to do here..." Shunsuke says, really wanting this to be special.

"So... We can either hang out around town for five hours... Or..." Yuuichi has an idea, and this one will guarantee that no one can see the two of them. "We can go to your house for the rest of the date."

"Huh... Is that allowed?" Shunsuke asks.

"Why not? Your Mom knows me very well by now. She clearly knows your preferences. And we don't have to worry about people seeing us. Plus..." Yuuichi leans on the table, looking longingly at the other boy... Shunsuke initially thinks he's about to say something flirty again, when instead... "This way, I can avoid going home for as long as possible..."

Shunsuke gives a look of concern when he says that... He hasn't heard much about Yuuichi's home life... and it's not exactly something one discusses in public in earshot of others... Shunsuke feels this sense that if he doesn't say yes to this suggestion, he'll regret it... So... "Okay... I'll let Mom know you're coming over..."

Yuuichi looks at him, surprised, "Wait, you're actually doing this. I was just joking. You don't have to if you don't want-"

"I want to..." Shunsuke interrupts.

"A bit fast for a first date..." Yuuichi says, turning pink, which just makes him look... cute...

"It was your idea..." Shunsuke counters, also blushing a little. "You done eating?" Yuuichi nods, and Shunsuke pays for the full meal.

"You know, I have some money too, maybe I should..."

"Don't," Shunsuke says. "It's on me..."

"If you say so..." Yuuichi watches as Shunsuke leaves some money on the table and the two leave the place. Shunsuke texts his Mom what's going on, and she says,

Mom: Oh! Okay! Sure! I'll get something sweet made for you two.

Shunsuke: You don't need to do that.

Mom: Too late. I already got dough made.

Shunsuke: That fast!?

Mom: I have to make a lot of pies for work. So, I premake all my dough.

Shunsuke: Oh! That makes way more sense.

Mom: Anyway, I'll see you two when you get here!

"Alright, I got the okay," Shunsuke says, smiling. "And she's making pie."

"Wow... She really wants this to go well for you," Yuuichi says, teasingly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shunsuke asks.

"Shunsuke... Let me put it this way... A lot of people would date you only for a chance to eat your Mom's pie for free." Yuuichi states.

Shunsuke slants his eyes, feeling conflicted. "You just praised my Mom while insulting me, and I don't know how I feel about that..."

"Well... I'm not most people..." Yuuichi says, grabbing his arm, which makes Shunsuke blush even more. "You're adorable when you blush."

"Sh-Shut up..." Shunsuke says.

"Ah, c'mon, Shun-chan, you know it's true," Yuuichi teases...

"Don't call me that..." Shunsuke says, pouting.

"Why not... It's a cute nickname, and aren't couples supposed to give each other cute nicknames...?" Yuuichi asks, giving a pout, which just makes Shunsuke blush even more.

"I... How should I know?!" Shunsuke blushes even more. "Are we even a couple?"

"Do you want to be?" Yuuichi asks, looking almost serious.

"C'mon, Yuuichi! Stop messing with me like this..." Shunsuke says, moving a little bit away, crossing his arms as if to protect himself... "It's confusing..."

Yuuichi looks at Shunsuke's face and realizes that he may have gone too far... "I'm sorry..." He says, looking genuinely guilty...

"We can talk about this when we get back to my house..." Shunsuke says, starting to walk, turning around to make sure Yuuichi follows him. He does, much to his relief...

It doesn't take long for the two to get back to Shunsuke's house, where his Mom is still making the filling for the pie, while the crust cooks. "Hey guys," She says. "How's the date?"

"It's going good," Shunsuke says, looking over at Yuuichi, who takes off his shoes... He goes over to Reina and gives her a hug hello.

"It's good to see you, Reina," Yuuichi says. "Thanks for letting me come over."

"It's no problem. I've known you long enough. You're like one of the family," Reina says. "Why don't you and Shunsuke hang out in the living room. I'm cooking something special to commemorate this moment, and I'm gonna want to your honest opinion."

"Okay! I'll be to tell you how much it sucks!" Yuuichi jokes.

Reina thumps his forehead, leaving a little mark there. "Just for that, I'm charging double the next time you come in."

"Ah, but your pies are already expensive!" Yuuichi sounds genuinely saddened by this prospect. "I'm sorry! I'll tell you how amazing it is instead!"

"Now, that's better," Reina responds, laughing. "Now, go hang out with your boyfriend, already."

"Ah, um... well, we haven't actually made it official yet," Yuuichi admits. Reina looks at Yuuichi and then at Shunsuke, who is watching all of this happen, and his uncertain face is enough for her to know he's being truthful...

"Are you waiting for my permission?" She asks... Yuuichi shakes his head... "Well, you have it anyway... But you two need to talk about this..." Reina goes down to Yuuichi's height to whisper... "I know you like him a lot... You've made it obvious since you were seven. If you want to pursue a serious relationship with my son, you need to tell him how you feel without all the theatrics..."

"But... what if it scares him away...?"

"It won't..." Reina assures. "You two need to take things slow... but you also need to decide where to go from here..."

"Okay..." Yuuichi says...

Shunsuke goes over to Yuuichi and gently grabs his hand, who looks over at him, surprised... "Mom... Is it okay if we talk in my room? I'll keep the door open..."

"That's fine," Reina says. "I'll come get you when the pie is ready."

"Thanks... C'mon, Yuuichi..." Shunsuke tugs him along, and they head up the stairs. When they get up there, Shunsuke asks... "So... why did you ask me out...? Be honest with me..."

Yuuichi solemnly chuckles... "Nothing gets by you, huh..."

"I've noticed a pattern with you... Whenever something happens, you always want to talk with me alone..." Shunsuke says, sitting down on his bed. "Did something happen at home?"

Yuuichi nods, sitting down next to him... "My Grandma died recently..." He says... "Her heart finally gave out..."

"Yuuichi... I'm sorry..." Shunsuke says.

"She was old... And her mind was fading... It was her time..." Yuuichi states, crossing his arms as if to comfort himself. "To be honest... I was glad when she died... I thought maybe my Mom would finally start getting better. Or maybe my Dad would start being nicer..."

"Did that happen?"

Yuuichi shakes his head. "Nope... Not the way I wanted it to... Once Grandma died, Mom did the unthinkable... She asked my Dad for a divorce..." Shunsuke's mouth opens wide in shock. "I gave the same look you did... What's even stranger is that my Dad agreed! Like, there was no fighting! No screaming! No holes in the wall! My Mom just asked my Dad for a divorce, and he agreed... They're speaking with a divorce lawyer now, and... well... one of them is leaving Kowada Town..."

"No way..." Shunsuke says... "You... You're not leaving, are you?"

"I don't know yet... My parents are letting me decide..." Yuuichi admits. "Honestly... I've been wanting an opportunity to leave this place for years now... I don't have a lot of good memories here... I mean, there's you, and your friends, obviously, but..."

"It wasn't enough to counter everything else..." Shunsuke says, feeling conflicted. With a part of him wanting Yuuichi to be happy, and another part wanting him to stay... He knows it would be selfish to wish for the latter, but... he doesn't want him to leave...

"Sorry..." Yuuichi says. "I'm sorry for using you again..."

"What do you mean again?" Shunsuke asks...

"Well... every time something went wrong, I would go to you because you always made me feel better..." Yuuichi admits. "I knew you wouldn't say no to me if I asked you to see me... and that wasn't fair of me to ask to hang out with you so I could talk about my problems... And... Well... I know it wasn't fair to flirt with you constantly without making it clear what my feelings are for you... And for that, I'm sorry too..." Yuuichi gives an obviously fake smile... "I'm awful and underhanded... You shouldn't fall for someone like me..."

"But I did..." Shunsuke admits, gently holding his hand, and looking him in his brown eyes... "I did fall for you..." Shunsuke finally says the thing he's been holding back for a while now... "I think I fell for you the moment you asked me to be your Prince..."

"Geez, you remember something that embarrassing?" Yuuichi asks, chuckling, but secretly happy. "How could you fall for someone like me? I'm rotten..."

"Because I'm rotten too..." Shunsuke admits, making sure that Yuuichi keeps looking at him... "I knew you had a hard life, and I still chose to stick around with you because being around you made me feel good... It made me feel like a good person for wanting and choosing to be around someone the rest of the town dislikes for some reason... I thought because I did that, I was using you to make myself feel better..."

"But... that's not true..." Yuuichi says. "If that were the case, you wouldn't let me spend time with you alone when no one was here to see you... If that were true, you wouldn't have said yes to being alone with me in public on multiple occasions... You may have thought that, but that doesn't make it true..."

"Well... If you say so..." Shunsuke's still not sure if that's true, but he does know one thing to be true... "I still like you a lot... Like... in a boyfriend way..."

"I like you too..." Yuuichi admits. "I like you so much, it hurts..." Yuuichi brings his hands to his heart... "You know, it's funny... I've been wanting to leave this place for so long, but now that I've found you, and told you how I feel... I don't want to leave..."

"You don't?" Yuuichi shakes his head, and Shunsuke gently pulls him into a hug... "Then stay... I... I want you to stay... And if you think you can be happy with me, then... Well... I'll gladly be your boyfriend..."

Yuuichi turns a bright pink, and he buries his head into Shunsuke's shoulder... "If you're okay with how I flirt, cling to you, and well, everything else... then... well... I'll be your boyfriend..."

"To be honest, I really like it when you do that," Shunsuke admits, smiling... "I... um... only react the way I do because I didn't know if you were being sincere or not..."

Yuuichi smiles and plants a kiss on Shunsuke's cheek. "Does that answer your question?"

This act unfortunately broke Shunsuke for about a minute as he had to comprehend what Yuuichi just did... His face turns dark red, and his brain is on high alert. "Shunsuke.... You okay, dude?"

Shunsuke nods, grabbing a pillow to hide his face... Yuuichi just laughs, though, thinking this entire scene was just adorable. "For a guy who tries to be cool, you sure do break easily."

Shunsuke turns his gaze towards him, and he glares at him a little. His eyes are closed from laughing, and Shunsuke decides a little payback might be overdue... So, he scoots over to Yuuichi and kisses him right on the cheek... Which proceeds to overload Yuuichi as he contemplates that someone actually gave the same level of affection he would give to him, and now his brain is trying to comprehend someone caring that much about him... Yuuichi can only lie down on his boyfriend's bed and look up at the ceiling as his face gets really hot, and his brain becomes lightheaded... Good job, Shunsuke. He just broke his boyfriend! It's Shunsuke's turn to laugh now, as he lies next to him and starts to hold him close...

"You're adorable, Yuyu..." Shunsuke says... which manages to bring Yuuichi back... Partially.

"Yuyu?" Yuuichi questions, feeling really embarrassed by that name.

"You said couples give each other embarrassing nicknames. Well, that's mine for you. Do you hate it?" Shunsuke asks, with a mischievous grin.

"Yes. Never call me that in public," Yuuichi answers, glaring.

"Okay, I will," Shunsuke says, joking, which earns him a playful punch from Yuuichi.

"You're mean," Yuuichi responds.

"Turnabout is fair play," Shunsuke responds.

"I hate turnabouts..." Yuuichi says, but he leans into Shunsuke... "Just shut up and hold me..."

Shunsuke complies, the two sitting up, with Shunsuke holding Yuuichi as he leans into his boyfriend's chest. Eventually, Reina walks up and sees the two cuddling, and she just smiles.

"Pie is ready if you two love birds want it," She says.

"Okay, Mom, we'll be right down," Shunsuke says.

"Sorry, Shun-chan, but I'm afraid I love your Mom's pie more than you," Yuuichi says, as he gets off of Shunsuke and heads down towards the kitchen, with Shunsuke following him while rolling his eyes. When they get down there, Yuuichi is already eating a slice, and his Mom slides a plate over to Shunsuke, who begins eating his...

"So...?" Reina questions, looking at the two expectantly.

"It's official," Shunsuke says, smiling, a little embarrassed.

"I'm so happy for you, Shunsuke..." Reina says... "My baby boy is growing up so fast. Yuuichi... I'm glad he found you..."

Yuuichi looks over at Shunsuke, and he smiles at him... He still can't believe this is real... "Me too..."

The two finish up their pie, and Shunsuke walks Yuuichi out the door... He doesn't live that far, and he's certain it's way too soon to ask Yuuichi to spend the night with their new relationship... His Mom likely wouldn't let that happen anyway. Still, the two walk outside into the night sky, and Shunsuke holds Yuuichi's hand under a streetlight...

"I had a good time..." He says.

"Me too... Maybe next time, we can go to a game center or a theme park..." Yuuichi suggests, smiling wide.

"Hiroto says that themes park are usually a safe choice," Shunsuke states.

"Well, he's not wrong," Yuuichi responds. "Speaking of, how should we handle that bombshell for them?"

"We could tell them tomorrow. I'm pretty confident they'll be okay with it," Shunsuke answers.

"If that's what you want, that's fine. I don't particularly want to hide anyway... I've done enough of that for one lifetime," Yuuichi says, scooting closer to Shunsuke... Both boys blushing...

"You know... if this were a movie, we would kiss..." Shunsuke points to his lips... "here... I... I don't know if I'm ready for that, though..."

"Hmmm..." Yuuichi smiles. "Do you want to kiss me again?"

Shunsuke nods, nervously... "But I think it's too soon for that kind of kiss..."

"That's fine..." Yuuichi turns his cheek... "You can kiss me here again... I'm ready for it this time..."

Shunsuke nods, and he kisses Yuuichi on the cheek again, one more time, and Yuuichi returns it with his own kiss on the cheek. The two boys giggle like, well, children... and they give each other one last hug, before saying...

"I'll see you tomorrow... I'll keep in touch about what my parents decide. I'll figure things out..."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything, Yuyu..." Shunsuke gives a teasing grin, while Yuuichi just gives a glare... the nickname may or may not be already growing on him. But he isn't about to say otherwise.

"You too, Shun-chan," Yuuichi says in his own teasing voice... "Bye bye!"

And with that, the two sign off on their official first date, when Shunsuke heads back inside... He can hardly believe it's real... He and Yuuichi are actually boyfriends now... Wow, that's going to be a lot to explain to his friends tomorrow. But he knows it'll be okay... He knows that things will be okay now... Shunsuke goes to put on his sleepwear, and he lies down in bed as he texts his friends that the date went well and that he's in a relationship now. He also says he's going to show them who it is tomorrow... saying it'll probably be a surprise to some, and to others, not at all... Of course, with the reveal of Yuuichi being his boyfriend now comes the added bonus of coming out as gay to trusted friends... Right now, he hasn't thought about all the struggles that come with being young and gay, but right now, he's so happy that he doesn't really care about all those struggles. Sure, he knows they exist... But he'd rather deal with them as they come... He's still young, and the world may not be perfect, but as long as Yuuichi is by his side, he'll be okay... They both will be okay...

End.

//Yeah. This is definitely a bit on the fluffy, trashy side than anything deep and introspective. But if you want that, you can read Lost Boy's Solace. I think part of my struggle was coming off on so much angsty writing that I felt I needed to include it. But honestly, I think with the world being on fire, we just need stories that depict honest, queer joy. So, yeah, this is my ShunYuu fluff. I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it's not as cerebral as my other works. I had a lot of ideas coming, and I ultimately decided to either lighten it up, and/or reuse them for Lost Boy's Solace, which will be a natural hunting ground for as much angst as you want... Anyway, happy Pride month, everyone. I know that the world sucks right now, but keep living, and keep strong. There's always something worth living and fighting for, no matter how shitty the world is... But that's enough on my soapbox. I'll see you around.//

[snowssilentrest]

So, I promise I am writing my Pride Month one shot for ShunYuu. I just need to reread what I’ve written since I am actually struggling with it for some reason. I feel like I am missing something with it. So, I’ll get on that soon. In other news, I added two new songs to Shunsuke’s playlist bring the total songs to 34. I suspect there will be more when The Lost Boys Original Broadway Cast Recording is released, but we will see (Four songs have been released so far and one is for Yuuichi and the other is for Shunsuke’s Mom). Anyway, the two new songs!

I relistened to this song, which is from Rent, and while originally a duet (this version actually cuts a line that made it a duet, but that’s on purpose since I plan on using the original version for the ShunYuu playlist.), this song has been covered by many artists as a breakup son, but also a mourning song. Anthony Rapp, one of the original Broadway cast members, famously sang this song for his Mom’s funeral, and I kept that in mind for why I added. So, why am I using Leslie Odom Jr.’s version? Well, because I liked it a lot, and the choice to cut a verse really gave the impression that someone was missing in Shunsuke’s life, and I just loved that idea so much. Also, Leslie Odom Jr sung this song during the Can’t Cancel Pride event which honored all the LGBTQ lives that were lost over the years, including the then recent Pulse nightclub tragedy. So, yeah, I love thematic storytelling and connecting things through music. We should know this by now.

Hey, ever wondered if there was a song that covered what it was like to deal with PTSD and survivors guilt in real time? Yeah, that’s what this song is. This song, in particular, is from a show that takes place around the time of the Vietnam War, and if you know your history, we all know why that time was particularly hard for veterans coming home. Yeah… I shouldn’t need to explain any more. But this is basically Shunsuke struggling with having survived while so many others died, and how he struggles to deal with that guilt.

[snowssilentrest]

Finally finished Chapter 14. I apologize for the delay. My computer charger broke and the backups we had were less than bad. Well, it’s done now. When I eventually start uploading the chapters again. You guys are going to hate me for this Chapter. November Chapters are kicking my ass right now, but I am hoping that things will finally get back to lighter affairs towards the end… But with everything going on, everything is really getting real. I do honestly feel bad. But the story must go on. Anyway, as promised, I will write my Pride Month ShunYuu piece tomorrow! Consider that my apology in advance for November. All I ask is for mercy when I eventually post it. Anyway! I’m free! For all of tomorrow, and then it’s back on grind for this story. December can’t come quick enough. That arc will at least give us some levity. Some.

[snowssilentrest]

So, I am about 9000 words into Chapter 14, and I got a few more scenes to write before I finish it, and move on to Chapter 15. Now, in this story, I am writing a slow burn ShunYuu, but with it being pride month, how would you guys feels if I wrote a ShunYuu one shot? It’d likely be more fluff than angst, but if you guys are interested. I can probably write one up pretty quick. If yes, I can write one after I am done with Chapter 14, which I promise will have angst for days, same with Chapter 15. I do have some ideas for my own ShunYuu one shot, but for the fun of it, what would you like to see me write? For the record, they would be older than in canon, probably around Junior High age. With how long it’s going to be before ShunYuu really hits the ground running in my story, I would like the practice to write their dynamic in my own way. But only if you guys are interested. So, what do you say? Do you want me to write a Pride Month fic for ShunYuu?

[snowssilentrest]

Re:Kinder Voice Claims for Characters as Adults

So, this has been on my mind for the past couple of months, ever since I did a voice claim for the characters as kids, using actual child actors. This time, I want to switch things up and provide voice claims for how I think the kids would sound as adults. However, I'm going to go about this in two ways, one is going to be the voices when I first looked, and the other is going to be an AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) pick. One of my regrets when I did the voices for the kids is that I didn't really pick any actors who were AAPI. In this day and age, both on and off screen, whether on stage or in a cartoon, the world has pivoted to having proper representation of actors who match the ethnicity of the characters in order to give proper and authentic representation. All in all, this does tend to work out in the long run. Look at Yakuza: Like A Dragon's use of a Korean Voice actor for the character, Joon-Gi Han, for the English dub, so he was able to speak proper Korean. Or in the Great Ace Attorney's English Dub, which attempts to cast Japanese-European Actors for the characters Ryunosuke Naruhodo and Susato Mikotaba, and the result really works out, especially for Susato, whose accent is a really good mix of European and Japanese. I have been a big supporter of authentic casting in even animated media, especially in the cases where the character's ethnicity and background are central to the plot at hand. This is why Chad's voice actor in Bleach switched when Thousand Year Blood Arc came around. The original voice actor was a white man, and Chad was mixed, specifically half Japanese, half Mexican, so he was represented by someone of Latino descent, specifically Cuban. And while I don't know how this worked out, since I haven't seen Bleach beyond the third season. On my part, as a White man, I think it's important to cast characters authentically, especially when the character's ethnicity is important to the plot or a major contributor to it, which, in Chad's case, from what I remember, it was. His Mexican heritage came into play quite a bit in the initial seasons, and it made sense to cast a Latino actor in the role. Now... Honestly, this still isn't as simple as it seems. Ideally, you want to cast actors who match the ethnicity exactly, but to this day, this is still an issue. I mentioned Chad, whose voice actor was replaced by a Cuban-American instead of a Mexican-American. Ideally, the actor would've been the latter instead of the former. And while your mileage may vary depending on where you're originally from, ideally, you would cast the actor with the best skill who matched the ethnicity exactly. Now, for Asian characters, this gets a bit more complicated. Relationships between the countries are tumultuous at best, and antagonistic at worst, especially towards Japan (Honestly, not without good reason). Just read up on how the main actress for Memoir's of a Geisha was treated for playing a Japanese character when she was Chinese. It was a mess. So, it's not a perfect solution, but from what I can tell, people seem okay if the ethnicity of the actor at least matches the general ethnicity of the character (Asian, Latino, etc.). I say all of this because my picks for the Asian voice claims are Filipino, Chinese, Korean, and I think there's possibly at least one Japanese actress. But I wanted to make it clear that this isn't perfect AAPI representation, but I wanted to give a shoutout to the voices of a culture that has frequently been pushed aside in the entertainment industry overseas. With that being said, let's begin.

Shunsuke Takano - Jonathan Groff and Timothy H. Lee

For Shunsuke, I imagined that as he got older, his voice would get a bit deeper, but still undoubtedly a tenor voice. Honestly, for Shunuske for his initial voice and AAPI voice, it was a toss-up between Jeremy Jordan and Zachary Noah Piser, mainly because they both had what I was looking for. But I ultimately went with the two because I felt they fit the character better overall. Although you can consider the other two his understudies if you wish (Look them up, they're fabulous singers). I think his voice would probably have a medium speaking range, not too high, but not too low either. It's very much in the middle, until he starts singing. Jonathan Groff is an actor known for Spring Awakening, Hamilton, Merrily We Roll Along, Just in Time, and 36 Questions. He was also the English voice for Kristoff in all things related to Frozen. Timothy H. Lee, however, got his start as a KPop Idol before transitioning to stage work in New York, where he played a character in the tragically short-lived KPop Musical and was the first Asian Orpheus on Broadway.

Yuuichi Mizuoka - Jack Wolfe and Sam Tsui

For Yuuichi, I imagine his voice staying consistently high to the point that even when he's actually an older teen, his height, face, and voice would consistently make a lot of people mistake him for older. He's the one person who has to always bring an ID to a bar, and said bar gets checked for being real. Like. All the time. For that reason, I went with Jack Wolfe. To be honest, when I started writing my story, I was pretty much dead set on Jack Wolfe being his grown-up voice claim. Until I realized that I should also be looking at AAPI voices for the characters, and that's when I came across Sam Tsui. An actor and singer on YouTube, most known for posting covers, but has recently expanded into musical theatre with Children of Eden, where he played Cain and Jappheth, and has written a musical cycle called Immortals, which he's also in. I actually found Sam by chance and thought his nasally but high voice was also a perfect fit for an adult Yuuichi, so I went with it. As for Jack Wolfe, he's a recent breakout star. You probably know him for Shadow and Bones, but he's also been a big hit in musical theatre, where he played Gabe Goodman in Next to Normal and Orpheus in Hadestown, where he got critical acclaim. His voice is like butter and is honestly one of the voices I've heard in my life, and I say this with no hyperbole. And with me thinking Yuuichi is a talented singer, I had to give him the best.

Ryou Shimoya - Jack Ofrecio and Zheng Xi Yong

So, for Ryou, I'll be honest, he was the hardest pick for me. It was frankly easier for me to find a voice for him as a kid than as an adult. But here we are. I thought his voice would be a bit imperfect, with an odd sound, but still good. While the picks I gave for him are probably closer to tenors, I think he'd have a baritenor voice. Which is the voice between baritone and tenor (My range, believe it or not). So, I went with Jack Ofrecio and Zheng Xi Yong. Both are pretty new actors in their careers. Jack Ofrecio is most known for playing Henry in the recent production of Next to Normal, while Zheng Xi Yong has been acting for a few years and has hit his stride when he played Kousei in the Your Lie in April Musical (The second musical based on an anime to get an Englsh production, the first being Death Note. Coincidentally, by the same composer too, Frank Wildhorn). Both voices are technically good, but have a bit of an odd sound when they sing. And I initially thought of Ryou having a cooler adult sound similar to a bro character, but after thinking about it, I thought he was a bit too nerdy and odd for that, so I went with the more funny sound instead. I think it works for him better overall in the end.

Sayaka Akatsuki - Megan McGinnis, Rachel Clare Chan, & Helen J Shen

For Sayaka, I actually thought her voice would sound really sweet, but it actually has a lot of attitude behind it. So, I went with these three actresses. Honestly, I struggled with picking between Helen and Rachel, so I decided to just use both. It's probably hard to tell in the songs I picked, but each of these actresses shows some attitude in other songs. As Helen demonstrates in Rainy Day We Met (also special shoutout to Darren Criss, an AAPI actor who I couldn't quite hear in any of the characters, but I love his voice, so... here we are.). You can hear Megan's attitude more in the musical Daddy Long Legs, where she's both funny, charming, and still sweet. She's also known for playing Beth March in the Little Women musical. Rachel Clare Chan has been working hard in the musical scene for a while, and she's gotten a nice stride recently. Originally appearing as a guest on podcasts such as Musicals with Cheese, she's recently been appearing in many musicals, such as Death Note, where she played Saya Yagami (A cast recording of this does exist but hasn't been released yet, which is aggravating), and she was Tsubaki Sawabe in the Your Lie In April Musical. Helen J Shen, meanwhile, is also a recent up-and-comer, appearing in the 2025 Tony Award-winning musical Maybe Happy Ending as Claire, and apparently having a supporting role in the non-musical The Devil Wears Prada 2. All three of them have sweet-sounding voices with an edge that I feel fit Sayaka perfectly.

Aya Hibino - Adriana Figueroa and Mia Kobayashi

For Aya, I thought it would be ironic if her voice went from soft quiet to quiet but powerful. Considering I used Alisha Weir as her voice as a child, I felt I needed to keep her voice like that, but something that grew powerful and strong to contrast her shy and gloomy demeanor. So, I went with Adriana Figueroua and Mia Kobayashi. Adriana is a singer, voice actress, and streamer who is currently on a hiatus to fight an illness. She's a very talented singer and performer and is responsible for a lot of great covers of anime and video game songs. I especially love her cover of Pollyanna with Sab Irene and insaneintherain. I wanted to showcase a voice that sounds soft, but works very well in soft songs and rock ballads, which is what I picture Aya becoming as an adult, a rock singer, and Adri showed that off perfectly. However, I didn't want to box her in, which is where Mia Kobayashi comes in. Mia Kobayashi is another up-and-coming actress who was recently in the musical version of Your Lie in April as Kaori Miyazono. When I first heard her voice for Kaori, I was surprised because of how deep it was, because if you listen to her voice in the anime, both in Japanese and English, it's a bit higher. Not high-pitched, but it's definitely not the same as Mia's voice, but I think it works, because her energy really fits the character. And I think her quiet, deep, yet powerful voice is a good fit for Aya, especially as an adult.

Rei Suzumura - Teagan Earley (TE/MO) and Eva Noblezada

For Rei, I imagined Teagan Earley (or TE/MO) as her adult voice first. A voice that seems deep, but has a wide range. Teagan Earley is most known as the voice of Athena in Epic The Musical, Persephone in Stories from Styx, and she's been uploading original songs under the name TE/MO. I've had plenty of her songs in my musical character analysis section, primarily Shunsuke and Rei. I love her music. I think her voice and range are powerful, and her sense of songwriting is something I haven't heard in a while. And given how Rei is a strong character, but still someone with a strong heart. I felt TE/MO was a good fit. That's the same reason I chose Eva Noblezada as the AAPI pick for Rei. Honestly, I was originally thinking of Rachelle Ann Go, whose voice is probably more similar to TE/MO's, but Eva's low notes, I felt, were a better fit for Rei in the long run. In a way, Eva's voice is the inverse of TE/MO, a girl with a high voice, but is capable of some pretty impressive deep notes. And I think that's pretty much Rei in a nutshell. Someone who seems initially spoiled and hot-tempered, but is a lot more dynamic than you'd think.

Hiroto Yamakawa - Joshua Henry and Michael K. Lee

For Hiroto, I felt he needed a baritone voice, so I went with Joshua Henry. Joshua Henry is an African American actor and singer who's been well-loved for years now. Most known for Violet, the Carousel revival in 2018, and the current Ragtime revival. He's a talented singer with a great classical and contemporary voice. As demonstrated in the songs I'm showcasing for him. As for his AAPI voice claim, I ultimately went with Michael K. Lee after deliberating between him and Conrad Ricamora. I ultimately chose him because even though his voice is technically a tenor (He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar, a known rock tenor role), he's got a deep voice that really suits Hiroto in my eyes, who I think would have a deep voice as an adult. It would be a very clear baritone that commands attention, while still being kind and charming in timbre. All in all, I think he's the most likely to get a decently deep voice that would be noticeable from his voice as a kid, to his voice as an adult.

(Okay, I'll need to repost this to do Takumi, bear with me.)

[snowssilentrest]

Takumi Katsuragi - Ben Platt and Zachary Noah Piser

Oh, Takumi... Getting the leftovers... Yeah, Ben Platt is honestly a last-minute choice for his non-AAPI voice claim. Ben Platt was briefly considered for Shunsuke, along with Zachary Noah Piser, before I ultimately decided on Jonathan Groff and Timothy H. Lee. But Zachary Noah Piser was really, really close for my pick as Shunsuke's AAPI voice, before I ultimately decided to have him be Takumi's instead. I don't really have a reason. I just think a sad-boy tenor voice suits him best. I guess I could've given him Darren Criss, but honestly, it still would've been a leftover, as he was also a contender for adult Shunsuke. Either way, I promise I do like you, Takumi. It's just that you are very hard to work with for a character that is only in the game for about 10 minutes.

Mami - Hannah Cruz and Phillipa Soo

Okay. I will admit. This is very last-minute. I wasn't originally going to give Mami a voice, but since I needed to reblog this post to give Takumi his voice. Fuck it. We're giving Mami, Shunsuke's Mom, and Yuuichi's Parents voices. So, for Mami, honestly, it helps that she's a teen, so I can fit a voice that I feel fits her voice, and I ultimately chose Hannah Cruz and Phillipa Soo. Hannah Crus is an actress who's been getting a lot of attention due to her being cast in the critically acclaimed musical Suffs, and has only been rising with other shows like The Connector and the revival of Chess, where she plays Svetlana. However, before that, she played Eliza in Hamilton and played other roles before. Phillipa Soo, meanwhile, shouldn't need an introduction. She was the original Eliza in Hamilton, and she's been a star ever since. This should tell you that I see Mami having a voice that can give an attitude, while also being generally kind. Which is notable in Phillipa's performance as Eliza, but she also gives a hell of a performance in the Warriors concept album. Hannah is in a similar boat, and this is notable in her performance as Inez in Suffs, a showstealer, and one of the best characters in the show.

Shunsuke's Mom - Rachel Bay Jones, Jessie Mueller, and Lea Salonga

Honestly, these three voices are very different from each other, but I just loved them all so much for Shunsuke's Mom that I had to showcase all of them. Honestly, of the three, I would pick Lea because who wouldn't want a Mom voiced by the legend Lea Salonga? But Rachel Bay Zones and Jessie Meuller give such breathtaking performances that I had to include them as all of them basically put a perfect image on how I imagine Shunsuke's Mom to be (I included the OBC recording of So Big/So Small because I prefer the guitar over the piano, but I wanted to show a video of her performing it badly). Basically, a strong woman who did everything to raise her son, even if she wasn't perfect. And I think giving her a strong belting voice makes the fact that her son has a similar belting voice, gives the impression that the two have a lot of common.

Yuuichi's Mom - Caissie Levy and Ashley Park

Okay. This was kinda last-minute too. I have been thinking of Caissie Levy as the voice for Yuuichi's Mom for a while now due to her performance as Diana in Next to Normal, and I honestly didn't think much about the AAPI rep for her. But I was running out of actresses off the top of my head, and I remembered Ashley Park, and I was surprised that she had the same qualities as Caissie in terms of vocals. I knew she was Soprano, but I didn't realize she could sing like that. I have not seen Emily in Paris, but I may have found a reason to watch it. I just pray it's not another Glee. But in any case, I imagine Yuuichi's Mom's voice not exactly being weak, but more... strained if that makes sense. She seems like the person whose voice would be loud when she cries and screams instead of weak. And honestly, I think both voices suit her very well. A seemingly frail woman, holding back a powerful voice, but that power isn't real power. It's just her falling apart.

Yuuichi's Dad - Adam Kantor and Marcus Choi

Again. This was last-minute. But I stand by it. I think Yuuichi's Dad would have a typical, calm-sounding voice that actually makes him pretty approachable at first glance. Only to hide just how much of an awful man he really is. That being said, while Adam Kantor's voice really has that quality that you can hear in his version of the Last Five Years album. Marcus Choi only has the one song from the Maybe Happy Ending cast recording, which he shares with Darren Criss (for the record, it's the man on the right). But he did play Washington in Hamilton, so the guy must be a very capable actor. But anyway, Yuuichi's Dad comes off as someone who doesn't sound immediately threatening, which I think is enough to give everyone a false sense of security, and these two give the most false sense of security. Who would suspect that a guy who sounds like Mark Cohen from Rent (He did play that role), and the seemingly friendly father-like figure would actually be horrible guys? For the record, by all accounts, I hear Adam Kantor and Marcus Choi are good guys, not going to defame them on Tumblr post giving voice claims to characters from an RPGMaker horror game from 26 years ago.

Anyway, now that is everyone! This post took a lot longer than it should've, but I'm glad I made it. I hope you guys like the voices I picked for the characters and my attempt to give AAPI actors the spotlight. I wish I could've done the same for the initial one, but there are very few Asian American Musical Child Actors in America and even Europe that are recorded. But maybe one day, I'll look into Japanese Child Actors across the years that could've played the kids. It won't be musical theatre, but it could be fun to try. Maybe another time. Anyway, I better end this post. I have been taking an unintentional week-long break from writing, and I would like to get started on Chapter 14 soon. Next time I post, it will likely be about the inspirations I have for my story that I feel connect with Re:Kinder. Starting with Monster. But I'll probably prewrite that in a document in my spare time. But I've gone on rambling long enough, I'll see you all around. Fare thee well.

[snowssilentrest]

Re:Kinder Voice Claims for Characters as Adults

So, this has been on my mind for the past couple of months, ever since I did a voice claim for the characters as kids, using actual child actors. This time, I want to switch things up and provide voice claims for how I think the kids would sound as adults. However, I'm going to go about this in two ways, one is going to be the voices when I first looked, and the other is going to be an AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) pick. One of my regrets when I did the voices for the kids is that I didn't really pick any actors who were AAPI. In this day and age, both on and off screen, whether on stage or in a cartoon, the world has pivoted to having proper representation of actors who match the ethnicity of the characters in order to give proper and authentic representation. All in all, this does tend to work out in the long run. Look at Yakuza: Like A Dragon's use of a Korean Voice actor for the character, Joon-Gi Han, for the English dub, so he was able to speak proper Korean. Or in the Great Ace Attorney's English Dub, which attempts to cast Japanese-European Actors for the characters Ryunosuke Naruhodo and Susato Mikotaba, and the result really works out, especially for Susato, whose accent is a really good mix of European and Japanese. I have been a big supporter of authentic casting in even animated media, especially in the cases where the character's ethnicity and background are central to the plot at hand. This is why Chad's voice actor in Bleach switched when Thousand Year Blood Arc came around. The original voice actor was a white man, and Chad was mixed, specifically half Japanese, half Mexican, so he was represented by someone of Latino descent, specifically Cuban. And while I don't know how this worked out, since I haven't seen Bleach beyond the third season. On my part, as a White man, I think it's important to cast characters authentically, especially when the character's ethnicity is important to the plot or a major contributor to it, which, in Chad's case, from what I remember, it was. His Mexican heritage came into play quite a bit in the initial seasons, and it made sense to cast a Latino actor in the role. Now... Honestly, this still isn't as simple as it seems. Ideally, you want to cast actors who match the ethnicity exactly, but to this day, this is still an issue. I mentioned Chad, whose voice actor was replaced by a Cuban-American instead of a Mexican-American. Ideally, the actor would've been the latter instead of the former. And while your mileage may vary depending on where you're originally from, ideally, you would cast the actor with the best skill who matched the ethnicity exactly. Now, for Asian characters, this gets a bit more complicated. Relationships between the countries are tumultuous at best, and antagonistic at worst, especially towards Japan (Honestly, not without good reason). Just read up on how the main actress for Memoir's of a Geisha was treated for playing a Japanese character when she was Chinese. It was a mess. So, it's not a perfect solution, but from what I can tell, people seem okay if the ethnicity of the actor at least matches the general ethnicity of the character (Asian, Latino, etc.). I say all of this because my picks for the Asian voice claims are Filipino, Chinese, Korean, and I think there's possibly at least one Japanese actress. But I wanted to make it clear that this isn't perfect AAPI representation, but I wanted to give a shoutout to the voices of a culture that has frequently been pushed aside in the entertainment industry overseas. With that being said, let's begin.

Shunsuke Takano - Jonathan Groff and Timothy H. Lee

For Shunsuke, I imagined that as he got older, his voice would get a bit deeper, but still undoubtedly a tenor voice. Honestly, for Shunuske for his initial voice and AAPI voice, it was a toss-up between Jeremy Jordan and Zachary Noah Piser, mainly because they both had what I was looking for. But I ultimately went with the two because I felt they fit the character better overall. Although you can consider the other two his understudies if you wish (Look them up, they're fabulous singers). I think his voice would probably have a medium speaking range, not too high, but not too low either. It's very much in the middle, until he starts singing. Jonathan Groff is an actor known for Spring Awakening, Hamilton, Merrily We Roll Along, Just in Time, and 36 Questions. He was also the English voice for Kristoff in all things related to Frozen. Timothy H. Lee, however, got his start as a KPop Idol before transitioning to stage work in New York, where he played a character in the tragically short-lived KPop Musical and was the first Asian Orpheus on Broadway.

Yuuichi Mizuoka - Jack Wolfe and Sam Tsui

For Yuuichi, I imagine his voice staying consistently high to the point that even when he's actually an older teen, his height, face, and voice would consistently make a lot of people mistake him for older. He's the one person who has to always bring an ID to a bar, and said bar gets checked for being real. Like. All the time. For that reason, I went with Jack Wolfe. To be honest, when I started writing my story, I was pretty much dead set on Jack Wolfe being his grown-up voice claim. Until I realized that I should also be looking at AAPI voices for the characters, and that's when I came across Sam Tsui. An actor and singer on YouTube, most known for posting covers, but has recently expanded into musical theatre with Children of Eden, where he played Cain and Jappheth, and has written a musical cycle called Immortals, which he's also in. I actually found Sam by chance and thought his nasally but high voice was also a perfect fit for an adult Yuuichi, so I went with it. As for Jack Wolfe, he's a recent breakout star. You probably know him for Shadow and Bones, but he's also been a big hit in musical theatre, where he played Gabe Goodman in Next to Normal and Orpheus in Hadestown, where he got critical acclaim. His voice is like butter and is honestly one of the voices I've heard in my life, and I say this with no hyperbole. And with me thinking Yuuichi is a talented singer, I had to give him the best.

Ryou Shimoya - Jack Ofrecio and Zheng Xi Yong

So, for Ryou, I'll be honest, he was the hardest pick for me. It was frankly easier for me to find a voice for him as a kid than as an adult. But here we are. I thought his voice would be a bit imperfect, with an odd sound, but still good. While the picks I gave for him are probably closer to tenors, I think he'd have a baritenor voice. Which is the voice between baritone and tenor (My range, believe it or not). So, I went with Jack Ofrecio and Zheng Xi Yong. Both are pretty new actors in their careers. Jack Ofrecio is most known for playing Henry in the recent production of Next to Normal, while Zheng Xi Yong has been acting for a few years and has hit his stride when he played Kousei in the Your Lie in April Musical (The second musical based on an anime to get an Englsh production, the first being Death Note. Coincidentally, by the same composer too, Frank Wildhorn). Both voices are technically good, but have a bit of an odd sound when they sing. And I initially thought of Ryou having a cooler adult sound similar to a bro character, but after thinking about it, I thought he was a bit too nerdy and odd for that, so I went with the more funny sound instead. I think it works for him better overall in the end.

Sayaka Akatsuki - Megan McGinnis, Rachel Clare Chan, & Helen J Shen

For Sayaka, I actually thought her voice would sound really sweet, but it actually has a lot of attitude behind it. So, I went with these three actresses. Honestly, I struggled with picking between Helen and Rachel, so I decided to just use both. It's probably hard to tell in the songs I picked, but each of these actresses shows some attitude in other songs. As Helen demonstrates in Rainy Day We Met (also special shoutout to Darren Criss, an AAPI actor who I couldn't quite hear in any of the characters, but I love his voice, so... here we are.). You can hear Megan's attitude more in the musical Daddy Long Legs, where she's both funny, charming, and still sweet. She's also known for playing Beth March in the Little Women musical. Rachel Clare Chan has been working hard in the musical scene for a while, and she's gotten a nice stride recently. Originally appearing as a guest on podcasts such as Musicals with Cheese, she's recently been appearing in many musicals, such as Death Note, where she played Saya Yagami (A cast recording of this does exist but hasn't been released yet, which is aggravating), and she was Tsubaki Sawabe in the Your Lie In April Musical. Helen J Shen, meanwhile, is also a recent up-and-comer, appearing in the 2025 Tony Award-winning musical Maybe Happy Ending as Claire, and apparently having a supporting role in the non-musical The Devil Wears Prada 2. All three of them have sweet-sounding voices with an edge that I feel fit Sayaka perfectly.

Aya Hibino - Adriana Figueroa and Mia Kobayashi

For Aya, I thought it would be ironic if her voice went from soft quiet to quiet but powerful. Considering I used Alisha Weir as her voice as a child, I felt I needed to keep her voice like that, but something that grew powerful and strong to contrast her shy and gloomy demeanor. So, I went with Adriana Figueroua and Mia Kobayashi. Adriana is a singer, voice actress, and streamer who is currently on a hiatus to fight an illness. She's a very talented singer and performer and is responsible for a lot of great covers of anime and video game songs. I especially love her cover of Pollyanna with Sab Irene and insaneintherain. I wanted to showcase a voice that sounds soft, but works very well in soft songs and rock ballads, which is what I picture Aya becoming as an adult, a rock singer, and Adri showed that off perfectly. However, I didn't want to box her in, which is where Mia Kobayashi comes in. Mia Kobayashi is another up-and-coming actress who was recently in the musical version of Your Lie in April as Kaori Miyazono. When I first heard her voice for Kaori, I was surprised because of how deep it was, because if you listen to her voice in the anime, both in Japanese and English, it's a bit higher. Not high-pitched, but it's definitely not the same as Mia's voice, but I think it works, because her energy really fits the character. And I think her quiet, deep, yet powerful voice is a good fit for Aya, especially as an adult.

Rei Suzumura - Teagan Earley (TE/MO) and Eva Noblezada

For Rei, I imagined Teagan Earley (or TE/MO) as her adult voice first. A voice that seems deep, but has a wide range. Teagan Earley is most known as the voice of Athena in Epic The Musical, Persephone in Stories from Styx, and she's been uploading original songs under the name TE/MO. I've had plenty of her songs in my musical character analysis section, primarily Shunsuke and Rei. I love her music. I think her voice and range are powerful, and her sense of songwriting is something I haven't heard in a while. And given how Rei is a strong character, but still someone with a strong heart. I felt TE/MO was a good fit. That's the same reason I chose Eva Noblezada as the AAPI pick for Rei. Honestly, I was originally thinking of Rachelle Ann Go, whose voice is probably more similar to TE/MO's, but Eva's low notes, I felt, were a better fit for Rei in the long run. In a way, Eva's voice is the inverse of TE/MO, a girl with a high voice, but is capable of some pretty impressive deep notes. And I think that's pretty much Rei in a nutshell. Someone who seems initially spoiled and hot-tempered, but is a lot more dynamic than you'd think.

Hiroto Yamakawa - Joshua Henry and Michael K. Lee

For Hiroto, I felt he needed a baritone voice, so I went with Joshua Henry. Joshua Henry is an African American actor and singer who's been well-loved for years now. Most known for Violet, the Carousel revival in 2018, and the current Ragtime revival. He's a talented singer with a great classical and contemporary voice. As demonstrated in the songs I'm showcasing for him. As for his AAPI voice claim, I ultimately went with Michael K. Lee after deliberating between him and Conrad Ricamora. I ultimately chose him because even though his voice is technically a tenor (He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar, a known rock tenor role), he's got a deep voice that really suits Hiroto in my eyes, who I think would have a deep voice as an adult. It would be a very clear baritone that commands attention, while still being kind and charming in timbre. All in all, I think he's the most likely to get a decently deep voice that would be noticeable from his voice as a kid, to his voice as an adult.

(Okay, I'll need to repost this to do Takumi, bear with me.)

[snowssilentrest]

My Inspirations for Lost Boy's Solace

So, this has been something I've been wanting to do since I started my analysis of Re:Kinder's inspirations, and well, I have my own inspirations that coincide with mine, and I wanted to give at least six. So, without further ado, let's get started.

1: Next To Normal (Musical) - Brian Yorkey and Tom Kitt

I've talked about this show before, and I've used songs from it in my musical character analysis series, so I won't linger for too long. Like Re:Kinder, this is a show about mental health and struggling to deal with it, both as the person with the illness and the people who surround you. This show is messy and honest. It's very good, but also very hard to sit through. It's also my number one favorite musical of all time. The plot of this show revolves around Diana Goodman and her family, which consists of her husband, Dan, her daughter, Natalie, and her son, Gabe, as they navigate her bipolar disorder and her delusions. I relate this show to Re:Kinder, namely due to the struggles Diana faces, and how Yuuichi's Mom's struggles are similar. The major difference is that Diana gets help while Akari can't, and that help still isn't enough for Diana. It shows the reality that even with the services we have today, it's still a flawed system that sometimes focuses more on stability rather than happiness, despite that only being one part of what the client needs. Next to Normal has a Proshot available on BroadwayHD. I also have access to the musical if any of you are interested. I highly recommend it. The London Cast Album that came out last year is one of the best cast recordings I've ever listened to. The Broadway Cast Album is good, too, but it has a lot of baggage, and I can't recommend it because of that baggage. If you can't see the show, listen to the London recording; most of the show is on there.

2: Waitress (Musical and Film) - Adrienne Shelley (Film) and Jessie Nelson & Sara Bareilles (Musical)

If you want a raw matriarchal show, I can't recommend Waitress enough. Both the film and the musical are very good, and I can't recommend either enough. Waitress is a story about a woman named Jenna trying to regain control of her life after a series of decisions landed her in an abusive relationship with a man who's never loved her at all. The musical and the movie both showcase how hard it is to break free from a cycle of abuse. While also showing the little joys that make life worth living. Both are great. Both are messy. And I can't recommend it enough. Both are what inspire me to try and write women as complete characters, and the abusive relationship in Waitress is very reflective of what Yuuichi's Mom deals with, even though Yuuichi's Dad is not as bad as Earl (Jenna's husband), although the bar is in hell, and Earl is sitting very comfortably on that bar, Yuuichi's Dad is honestly not far from said bar, with his self-awareness being the only reason he's a slim better than Earl.

3: Good Will Hunting (Movie) - Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Gus Van Sant

Good Will Hunting is in my top five movies of all time. This movie is just as messy, but also really healing for me. With excellent performances by Robin Williams (one of my favorite roles he's ever done) and Matt Damon, and a great ensemble cast of Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver, and Stellan Skarsgard. This movie is about healing, surviving everything life gives you, and using it to make something of yourself, especially when you have the talents of our main character, Will Hunting, who is a very smart and educated young man, and an excellent mathematician despite not being able to go to college. Will Hunting, however, lived in a very abusive home, and while he hides it very well, it's still affecting him to this day. This is the movie where the "It's not your fault" scene comes from. And that scene is just one of many scenes that really show just how hard it is to heal and make the right decisions for yourself, even if it's outside your comfort zone. While the "it's not your fault" scene is highly praised for good reason, I have to give special shout-out to Robin Williams ' monologue that he gives to Will after their first meeting. The scene that has him say, "I doubt you ever dared to love anyone that much." That scene really has his character, Sean, really call out Will's defence mechanisms and how even though he's intelligent, he doesn't have any wisdom. That he uses his intelligence as a flex, but doesn't do anything with it. That everything he knows is from a book, instead of it being real experience. It's a great scene, and I am not selling how good it is. But I really have to give love to Minnie Driver's scene where she is telling Will that she knows he's not perfect, but she wants to try a real relationship with him, even knowing he's afraid of something real. And one of my personal favorite scenes is "Best part of my day" scene with Ben Affleck, where he gets through to Will that he is wasting his talent and he should be using it to make himself a better life, even if it means separating from his best friend. There are so many great scenes in this film, and I love it to death. This film really shows what it's like to heal from a traumatic childhood and how you can use that experience to be a kind person in this world, even if you're jaded and cynical. And I think this film really works as a companion piece to Re:Kinder

4: Silent Hill Series (Video Games) - Various

Oh, Silent Hill... One of my favorite horror video games of all time. Okay, so I can't really go into which specific Silent Hill game is an inspiration for my story and how I think it fits Re:Kinder because, honestly, it's more so the vibes of the games, and the themes of some of them. For example, Silent Hill 3 and Silent Hill f are games that talk about the struggles of growing up as a girl, but both do it differently. Silent Hill 3 is more subtle, while also having implications for the main character being used as a vessel, while Silent Hill f is more overt with its message about women growing up in a society or world that looks down on them. But then there are other series like 2, Homecoming, Downpour, and Short Message, which are more about grief, depression, and regret. Even the ones like the first Silent Hill are about what someone will do to protect the one they love, and all the hardship they're willing to face just to keep that person safe. And then there is Silent Hill 4, which really speaks about confinement and isolation and how that can affect someone. Honestly, I am surprised that Parun didn't list Silent Hill as an inspiration, since Silent Hill acts as an entity of its own, creating monsters based on the personal demons of the protagonists (except for 1, 4, and, honestly, Downpour, because that game didn't really think about the monster design at all). And in Re:Kinder, the Priestesses we fight seem very reflective of Yuuichi and his own personal demons... Plus, with how Shunsuke seems to comment on the town in the game, it just gives Silent Hill vibes.

5: The Strange Men Series (Video Games) - Uri

Okay. Time for me to recommend an RPGMaker Horror game series that really pulled me back into the genre. We have this series (and Omori, I thought about putting that down, because there are a lot of thematic threads between the two, but I decided against it because it didn't really inspire me) to thank for me ever finding Re:Kinder in the first place. While I haven't replayed it in a hot minute, the feelings this series gives me are all too similar to the feeling Re:Kinder gives me. Each game tells a different story with a different protagonist and a different style of horror. If you've heard of any of these games, it was The Crooked Man, since that came out around the era where big-name YouTubers were playing RPGMaker horror games, but the other games are just as good and worth your time. The Crooked Man and the Hanged Man are probably the closest in tone to Re:Kinder when it's serious, while The Sand Man has more of a surreal, dreamlike atmosphere that matches Re:Kinders setting, and The Boogie Man is probably the game that really has the more B-Movie style that matches Re:Kinder when it's silly, but also has moments of introspection that go in line with the series really well...

6: Monster (2023) (Movie) - Hirokazu Kore-eda & Yuji Sakamoto

So... I consider this movie to be one of the most important movies of the 21st century, and to explain why would be to spoil the twist of this movie. Monster is a coming-of-age, psychological drama mystery thriller, with the psychological drama mystery thriller part coming in the first two parts of the film, and the coming-of-age part coming in the last part of the film. This movie goes over a timeline of events from three different perspectives: the Mom, Saori Miguno, the teacher, Michitoshi Hori, and the son, Minato Miguno. This film showcases how we as people perceive others as monsters based on incomplete or flawed information, and the story kinda acts as one big puzzle. We're given one story, then it's followed by another story, and these two stories contradict each other heavily, but then we get to the final POV, and everything makes sense. I genuinely want to say more, but you need to watch this film. This film is best experienced knowing as little as possible. I will be making a post of each of these inspirations and analyzing them, likely starting with Monster. To give you an incentive to watch this film, this is where the queer aspects of my inspiration come into play, and that's really all I can say. Even that might be too much. I will say, once you watch this film, look up what the director said about the ending, because your first interpretation of the ending may or may not be incorrect. In that regard, the director underestimated how many people would interpret it in a certain way despite his real intentions... Man, I really want to talk about this film in relation to Re:Kinder because I genuinely think if Parun was still alive, this movie would've been an inspiration for one of his works... This is basically the closest we'll ever get to Parun's works getting a movie, and to describe it another way, it's basically like seeing an alternate version of Shunsuke and Yuuichi... and I'll leave it at that...

So, yeah, if you ever need to kill time, or if any of you want to see what makes my mind tick, watch these films and play these games. They get a glowing recommendation from me, and I especially recommend Next to Normal, Good Will Hunting, and Monster. If nothing else, watch those, because they really did help me through a rough time, and I can't praise them enough.

[snowssilentrest]

So… My story just hit 200K words, and counting. Honestly, I am fully prepared for this story to be as long and War and Peace or Les Miserables at the rate I am going. And I am still writing Chapter 13. I should be able to finish it tomorrow, and my hope is that I will start and finish Chapter 14 the upcoming week. And I am definitely hoping to have November finished before June is out. I tend to keep my chapters long because of all the characters and their stories, like, I might just spend Chapter 14 and 16 focusing on characters other than Shunsuke and Yuuichi to help with the pacing, but we’ll see. I do know how Chapter 14 will end, and how Chapter 15 will start. So, that should help with arc. Once December hits, that should be the levity chapter for at least half the arc before more shit hits in the fan. But again, we’ll see, if I I look too far ahead, I’ll lose my mind. The story is basically planned out, I just need to write all the stuff in between to get there.

[snowssilentrest]

Soooo... I come with Chapter 10. The Halloween Chapter. That's all this is. Just Halloween fluff. Yup. Those 25K words are just fluff of the characters in Halloween costumes eating candy! What do you mean you don't believe me!?

Yeah, I'm not fooling anyone. But before I link the chapter, all readers are required to watch this to get a scene I'm referencing.

Now, for me to give images of who all the characters are dressing up as!

Shunsuke Takano - Squall Leonheart

Yuuichi Mizuoka - Rinoa Heartilly

Ryou Shimoya - Ash Ketchum (They call him Satoshi because that's what they know him as)

Sayaka Akatsuki - Kagome Higurashi

Aya Hibino - Ushirogami

Takumi Katsuragi - Archangel Michael (Sorta)

I'd like to thank thedrotter and misterstrawberrypwpw for suggesting Halloween costumes for the rest of the characters, as I was genuinely at a loss for this. I also like to formally thank them for reading my story. I will be honest, when I started writing this story, I thought it was going to be a shot in the dark that anyone would ever read it, given how small the Re:Kinder fanbase is. But here I am, 10 chapters published and currently writing Chapter 13, with chapters so big, they're about the length of an Animorphs or Goosebumps novel on average. I don't know how long it will take for me is finish this story, but I intend to finish it. I already have the story more or less planned, and every character arc mapped out, I just need to write it and make sure all of them are implemented organically. It's not easy, but I know I can do it. If I can right a 600K fanfic in six months, I can write this story. Anyway, here's the link to the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/77741541/chapters/225106016

[snowssilentrest]

Revolutionary Girl Utena and Re:Kinder: When Style Gives Way to a Beautiful Story

Okay! This is the last of the essays between Re:Kinder and its inspirations! I had always intended to end this with Revolutionary Girl Utena because I had been wanting a reason for years to finally sit down and watch it, and now I finally had one. I will be blunt and say that I really loved Revolutionary Girl Utena. I watched it on all on YouTube (shoutout to Nozomi Entertainment for having the original series in sub and dub on YouTube), and I genuinely had a really good time with it. Any complaints I have are mostly nitpicks and personal preferences rather than anything wrong the show does. This is definitely a show I will need to revisit soon in order to get a better understanding of the show itself, but I think I have a good grasp on the show. All in all, it's a show about many things: Growing up, how society tries to squeeze women and even men into rigid roles, how relationships can turn toxic if boundaries aren't properly set and explained, how hard it is to break out of toxic, abusive relationships, and how certain gendered concepts, while on the surface, can be seen as beautiful, but in reality are just there to hold people back from being who they truly are and who they want to be. A lot of people have talked about this show and what it means for years, and I certainly won't be the last. But for me, I think it was basically all the things I mentioned, while also having a personal belief that the show is about breaking out of society's attempts to have us conform to certain roles and not sacrifice our individuality just to comfort others who find our existence uncomfortable. I'm not really sure if I am making sense here. I'm writing this as I go and hoping for the best. With that being said, let's begin...

So... With the last essays, I went over the plot and characters and themes of the media I was comparing to Re: Kinder in question, but I honestly believe this show is best experienced knowing as little as possible, and experiencing in all of its surreal, yet surprisingly easy to follow story. That's the thing, when I first heard of this story, it was through the lens of it being a Girls Love show, and as a result, I first heard of the premise and Utena and Anthy as a result, but... that's not exactly what the show's about. Sure, Utena's and Anthy's relationship is very important; it's practically the driving force for Utena for the entire show. But the character's romantic relationship is pretty subtle, with a lot of queer elements having to be fought for by the director in order to even include all of what he wanted to include. But the show is about so much more than a girl who strives to be like a prince rescuing a girl and falling in love. Utena kinda joins into the drama of everything by accident and chooses to stick around to keep Anthy safe. But I digress, my point I was trying to make was that as I was watching the show, I found a lot of people found it surreal, and they had to watch it again in order to get a full understanding. And while that certainly is true to some extent, the story itself is pretty good at making sure the audience can follow the story enough to clue in what's going on without someone having to say, "This is happening!" The show uses a lot of metaphors, allegory, and imagery to tell its story and really relies on the audience being smart enough to clue in on what's going on. While there are certainly moments in the show that make you question reality (The Apocalypse Saga is full of them, but the Black Rose Saga is where it really starts with metaphors), I will say that a smart viewer will be able to catch on to the most important bits on first watch, and a second watch will help you understand everything more clearly knowing what happens ahead of time (Though, that's with any second watch, honestly). I certainly plan to rewatch it again with the English Dub (I've heard mixed things about the dub, but everyone gives praise to the late Rachel Lillis' Utena, so that's exciting. I've heard it described as like a theatre production, and as a theatre nerd, that just sounds more interesting than anything). Anyway, I digress... Before we go over the similarities, I do feel the need to bring up Adolescence of Utena.

Okay, so for those who don't know, Revolutionary Girl Utena basically has three versions of the story that tell the same basic story but with differences. There's the manga, which started production in 1996 and ended in 1998. There's the anime, which aired in 1997, and then there's the movie, which premiered in 1999. All three of these tell the same broad strokes for the story, but the movie has a bit of an asterisk attached to that. More on that later. I have not read the manga yet, but I do know that Nanami Kiryu, a major character in the anime, is merely a background character in the manga; the manga delivers the story at a faster pace, and certain characters are different as well. For example, Juri (spelled Jury in the sub for the anime for some reason), is pretty much considered a lesbian in the anime, having a crush on the character Shiori in the anime, but in the manga, she apparently has feelings for Touga and another character, whom I will not name due to him being kinda a spoiler, I will say the character in question is still important to Juri in the anime, but in a different way entirely. Another example is Miki Kaoru having a crush on Anthy in the anime, but in the manga, he apparently has a crush on Utena. There are a bit more differences in the manga and anime from what I read, like with Touga, for example, but I can't really comment on them effectively without reading them, which I will do eventually. But for now, let's talk about the movie... Adolescence of Utena's place in Utena's canon is widely discussed, with some interpreting it as an Alternate Interpretation, and others interpreting it as a sequel due to Anthy's and Utena's characterization being pretty different from each other. I will say that Anthy's character is much more dramatically different than Utena's, but Utena's characterization is still noteworthy. For my part, I think we can consider it a sequel in some regards... There's no doubt that the movie definitely leans on the anime's characterizations and does kinda rely on the audience member being aware of the anime to understand parts of its story. It's certainly a lot more surreal than the anime. However, something the movie is more explicit about is the romantic aspect of Utena and Anthy. Something I really appreciated as queer person myself. All in all, the movie is great, and I really loved it as an overall ending to the series as a whole (Yes, I am aware of After The Revolution, and yes, I am aware that's pretty contentious among fans of the series. It makes choices, and those choices are not well-liked.), but again, since I want to be light on story spoilers as possible, I can't really say much more.

I do want to talk more about the story and characters, but in doing so, i fear I would spoil too much. I honestly have a lot of thoughts on the characters and story, and might make a spoiler analysis of just the show alone in the future if you're interested. If you have any questions about my thoughts, though, I'd be happy to provide them in the comments. So, let's move on to how Parun used this as inspiration for Re:Kinder...

Okay, well, to be upfront, Revolutionary Girl Utena and Re:Kinder share a lot of connective tissue through their tone and stylistic imagery. Those who have played Re:Kinder will note the dreamlike quality of the story and how it uses imagery to convey its story. In one aspect, the two have that comment, especially in the usage of roses. In Re: Kinder, the game opens with a very similar opening that uses roses as its theming.

For Utena, it uses roses symbolically and assigns certain colors to multiple characters. For example, Utena is White, Anthy and Touga are both red for very different reasons, Saionji is Green, Miki is blue, Juri is orange, Nanami is yellow, and the final antagonist uses lavender. Now, in Utena, outside of Utena, I think characters being symbolized by certain rose colors is more to visually match their hair colors, but one can argue meaning in the color of the roses being used to symbolize our characters as twisted embodiments of the characters.

For example, white roses mean purity and innocence, and I can argue that it matches Utena to a T pretty well. She is a character who, while not completely innocent, is still naive and has pure beliefs that she needs to confront in order to truly grow. White roses, to me, are a noble color, and I think that fits her really well.

But then you have Saionji, an abusive man who wants to control Anthy, but also desires to find something eternal, and is someone with high ambitions. His rose is green, which means growth and new beginnings in the language of the flowers, and Saionji certainly doesn't represent that. If anything, he runs counter to it, and while he is a character that, in my eyes, wants to grow and find something new, his behavior is what is holding him back. However, I did get the sense that he was willing to try by the end of Utena, even though he is still a selfish man.

But then you have characters like Juri and Nanami who have the orange and yellow roses, respectively. Orange Roses mean passion, energy, and intense desire, and while Juri isn't the most expressive character in the series, she is honestly pretty cynical in her beliefs and outlook. She does have passion, energy, and desire in a twisted sense, in that she is someone who doesn't believe in miracles, and yet at the same time, is searching for one to find some form of meaningful existence. Her rose does fit her in a twisted sense, and the same could be said for Nanami.

Her rose is yellow, which symbolizes friendship, loyalty, and devotion. And Nanami is an outwardly cruel person with very few moments of genuine kindness throughout the series. Now, I actually like Nanami as a character in that she is both effective comic relief and effective as a character when she turns serious, and I honestly believe she has the most growth in the series, even though her personality doesn't change that drastically. Nanami is a character who is only loyal to her brother to an obsessive and unhealthy degree, which even the characters point out as such. She is loyal and devoted to her brother, but any friendships she has are transactional at best, and she makes no attempt to hide them as such. However, what I like about her is that she does kinda grow into her role in the sense that by the end of her arc, she turns into someone borderline obsessed with her brother into someone who recognizes such obsession is unhealthy and she needs to come into her own. So, her rose's meaning can be applied to her in a twisted sense, but by the end, she represents it by being loyal to herself by the end.

And then we have Miki Kaoru and Touga Kiryu. Miki's rose is blue (There is another character with a blue rose, but he's a walking spoiler, so I won't be including him), which represents mystery and the unattainable, and I'd say that fits Miki pretty well. He is a character who seeks something to fill the void in his relationship with his sister, something he cherishes, but with the two growing up and going down different paths, he grows more and more disillusioned with her, and his goal is to try to find something to replace his affections and move on. He is a character who doesn't really find what he is looking for by the end, but understands that he needs to keep searching, even if he doesn't find it. He must keep moving. In that regard, his willingness to jump into the mysterious unknown makes him a perfect match for the blue rose.

And of course, Touga and Anthy are represented by the red rose, which means passion, desire, and romantic love. If any character fits that bill, it's Touga, even if it's similar to Jury, and it's a twisted version of those meanings. Touga, on the surface, is a very charming young man. He's attractive, smart, and he seems like a gentleman. However, in reality, he's a manipulator and is someone who is out for himself until the end of the series, where he does actually grow somewhat when he finally learns to care again. Touga is an interesting character, and I can't really give my full thoughts on him without spoiling both his arc in the anime and how the movie uses him. Needless to say, when paired together, he is an example of how he was trapped in a role he didn't actually want, and his behavior in the show is an attempt at escape, even if his actions were very much inexcusable. He is a character who starts to learn by the end of the series. He's still not a good person in the context of the anime, but he's a character who does learn and tries to change, even if for some, it's too late. I appreciate his nuance. And then there's Anthy, who often wears a red dress during the dueling scenes, and is usually accompanied by the color red... If Touga represents the twisted meanings of passion, desire, and romantic love, Anthy represents the ideal versions of those meanings. At least towards the end. Anthy is a character who hides her true wants and desires. Often pretending to have no thoughts of her own, and pretending that she's fine with being subservient and just doing what others want her to do. She's basically the idealized version of a princess, a damsel in distress who is waiting for her prince to save her. And Utena, by contrast, represents the idealized version of a noble prince, there to save her from all that stands between her and her princess... However, in reality, Anthy just wants out... she wants out of the cycle that treats her like an object where her thoughts and feelings mean nothing. She wants to escape and be able to make choices of her own... She wants to stop being a victim... and in a sense, I think if we consider the movie a sequel, than the Anthy in the movie is the character she becomes after the end of the show... But I'll just leave it there for now...

So... I also mentioned a character with a lavender rose. Well... I won't be talking about him. But lavender roses hold the meaning of enchantment, love at first sight, and it's often associated with nobility... Make of that what you will...

All of that, and what does that have to do with Re:Kinder... Well, as I mentioned earlier, Re: Kinder has a similar opening scene talking about a Prince who rescues a Princess of a Dark Kingdom. Later, it's implied that this story is a part of a fairytale about two Rose Kingdoms. The Prince of the White Rose Kingdom and the Princess of the Red Rose Kingdom. In the story, Shunsuke is compared to the Prince of the White Rose, while Yuuichi compares himself to the Princess of the Red Rose Kingdom. Yuuichi is represented with red roses and has thorns wrapped around him at certain points, and Shunsuke eventually collects a ring with a White Rose on it. To bring up the similarities between the characters and the meaning of the flowers. One would think with our characters being elementary schoolers, they'd fit those traits better... but honestly... Not really. Shunsuke, on the surface, may seem innocent, pure, and honest. But Shunsuke is a habitual liar. He's rarely honest with his feelings except around Yuuichi, and whenever he's asked personal questions, he deflects. Shunsuke is compared by Yuuichi to the Prince of the fairytale, but really, the only comparable thing we can discern from what little we know about the fairytale is his willingness to jump into danger, and his kindness and willingness to give Yuuichi, the main antagonist, who I must remind everyone (or inform if you don't know the game), killed everyone in his hometown, including his Mom, the benefit of the doubt and the willingness to try and pull him out of the darkness. Yuuichi is honestly in the same boat. In Re:Kinder, Yuuichi plays the role of the villain. He's very theatrical and likes to act like he doesn't care about human life, and isn't sorry for what he did. But in reality, he is a depressed, lonely child who has been beaten down by every adult figure in his life who was supposed to take care of him. He's a character who is largely apathetic. He doesn't really care about his own life. He has no passion or desire, and with him being so young, he's probably not even certain if what he feels for Shunsuke is romantic love or not. In the end, while Yuuichi tries to compare them both to the Prince and Princess of a fairytale, ultimately, the comparison is surface-level at best, and Yuuichi knows this. He even implies as such towards the end, where he says it's impossible for him to be saved and have a happy ending with Shunsuke, no matter how much he wants it. He believes it's too late for him and that he's already reached rock bottom, and he's going to somehow sink lower... and he doesn't want to drag Shunsuke down with him. Shunsuke's suggestion to just pretend that he's okay, and to fool his bad feelings isn't sustainable in the long run either. In the game, Shunsuke and Yuuichi both say that they used the other in some way to either feel better about themselves or to find some understanding... And that's very reminiscent of the penultimate episode of Revolutionary Girl Utena, where a similar conversation is held. While it's not one-to-one, it's similar enough that I wanted to make a note of it. Ultimately, the imagery, metaphors, and allegories in Re:Kinder are reminiscent of Revolutionary Girl Utena, and the serious moments especially stand out in both stories, and it's honestly beautiful how the two connect, but that's not the only comparison...

You see, Revolutionary Girl Utena and Re: Kinder are also similar in how they insert comedy into the series. Utena's first arc has two comedy episodes in episode 6, where Nanami mistakenly thinks someone is trying to kill her, and it all leads into silly shenanigans, which is then followed by a serious episode focusing on Juri in episode 7, and then followed by episode 8 where Utena and Anthy switch bodies due to Anthy's curry and the shenanigans of Nanami trying to find the ingredient they think made them switch, only for it to turn out to be Anthy's cooking itself. These episodes are literally between Juri's first focus episode, and the difference in tone is enough to cause whiplash. By the final arc, they even start inserting comedy into serious scenes, and while this isn't a common occurrence, it's still noticeable. A notable scene for me is when Touga and Saionji are having a conversation while Touga drives a motorcycle and Saionji is in a sidecar, and during their conversation, which is presented as serious and philosophical, Saionji stands in the sidecar and delivers an impassioned speech, only for Touga to say what he's doing is dangerous... Insert a long pause... And then Saionji says, "Right," and promptly sits down. Cut to the next scene. Now take that moment, and the comedy episodes in Utena, and apply them in Re:Kinder, which often likes to insert comedy in the middle of certain scenes to alleviate the tension. The scenes aren't just there for randomness, though; they're there to hammer home the point about how kids are exposed to adult stuff really early in life and aren't effectively protected from or taught not to emulate certain behaviors. While also there to show that these are little kids, and while they may be more mature than kids their age, they still joke around and say stuff to make them laugh. Either way, the way both series use humor is the same, and on my part, pretty effective and consistent. It's great.

Another form of comparison one must draw from Utena and Re:Kinder, is its use of queerness in its storytelling. Revolutionary Girl Utena uses its queer elements to highlight how girls react to queer feelings towards other girls with the character of Juri, and also uses blunt romantic language between Utena and Anthy in the animated series, and the film expands on this relationship even more, making the subtext into blatant text. Utena operates under the bi realization in that she holds feelings for Touga at one point, her prince, and then in the movie her affection shifts to Anthy, and it's pretty natural about it. Anthy, meanwhile, is someone who shows her love in the movie, and she honestly isn't subtle about her strong feelings for Utena. Juri operates under the reality of being queer, by falling for someone who likes men, but is also someone who is very cruel and mean-spirited, and is one to use others to get what she wants. Re:Kinder, in contrast, uses queerness in how it relates to boys. And honestly, the queer elements in Re:Kinder are far more overt, occupying the same space as movie Utena and Anthy, and show Juri. Our main character, Shunsuke, by the end of the story, says a lot of romantic language to Yuuichi pretty deliberately. He wants to take Yuuichi to see the Cherry Blossoms fall into the river next Spring. The story implies he knows what he's saying, and even in the joke ending, he grows up to become a Mama in the Nichome District, which is basically the gay bar district in Tokyo, and a Mama is basically a gay man who runs a bar. Yuuichi, however, is much more explicit, believe it or not, with there being a message at one point in the game that reveals a boy liked another boy a lot, and he eats him in order for them to be together always... And it's heavily implied that this was written by Yuuichi. Yuuichi forms a connection with Shunsuke, and as I mentioned earlier, he sees Shunsuke as his prince, and he's the princess who's supposed to save him. This story operates under the subtext that these are both young boys who recognize how different they are from what society expects them to be, and has this dark undertone that the world wouldn't be accepting of them, and Yuuichi knows this. Despite him really wanting to be saved by Shunsuke, he views a life with him as impossible. One thing Re:Kinder tackles through these two that isn't really touched upon by Utena is how the world reacts to LGBTQ couples... And I think this is indicative of how the world sees queer relationships with girls versus boys. With girls, it's seen as cute and even approved of, the cynic in me sees it as the world seeing a relationship between two girls as... well, for lack of a better word, a recipe for the male gaze. It's okay for two girls to fall in love, because it's cute and attractive. However, queer relationships between boys aren't given the same treatment. Gay male relationships have a history of being sexualized and treated as immoral and disgusting. Pair that up with queer young boys, and they're treated as disgusting, too young to have such feelings, and it's seen as unnatural. The world is ready to accept queer young girls because they will see it as either a phase or just attractive, and even they operate on highly thin ice that is ready to crack at a moment's notice. The world is ready to accept heteronormative coupling between boys and girls because that's considered normal. An acceptable and safe version of puppy love. Something normal. Something safe. At the cost of boys and girls possibly just having a platonic friendship. If a boy and a girl are friends, they can't just be friends; they have to have a crush on each other. But if two girls report an attraction to each other, it's seen as cute and a phase, something to grow out of. But if two boys show attraction to each other, you're instantly hit with "You're too young. You don't know any better. You can't like him like that, it's dirty." As if society is ingrained to see a relationship between two boys as nothing more than sexual, and thus it's inappropriate.

This is the space Re:Kinder operates on. A world that already denies the existence of mental health, and thus, would probably see the relationship between two boys as even more unnatural, makes Yuuichi see his chances with Shunsuke as doomed before it has a chance to start. Coupled with his horrible actions, he just doesn't see a world where he can be with Shunsuke. Shunsuke, on the other hand, is never honest with himself. He may know that he's attracted to guys. If we assume that the item text in the game is his view and perspective, than him callling Hiroto's shirt a word for attractive with a question mark can be seen as indicative of his preference for guys. But that doesn't really matter when, even by the end of the game, his monologue about how he felt about Yuuichi is interpreted as another lie. In the end, he says, he didn't actually care about Yuuichi, that he was just using him, and was just as rotten as he was. But... I don't know if I believe him. I have stated this opinion before, but to reiterate, what he says to Yuuichi in the storybook world goes above and beyond someone who is trying to be kind to a horrible person to feel better about someone. Those words are the words of a boy who wants to save Yuuichi. To the point that even as Yuuichi is about to end his life, he tries to save him... And I think that's something to really take note of... At the end of Utena... Utena is able to save Anthy from something... In the movie, Anthy saves Utena. But in Re:Kinder, Shunsuke doesn't save Yuuichi. He fails. And to make himself feel better, he says he didn't actually care in order to come to terms with his failure. And if that doesn't show the dichotomy in the endings of queer media with girls versus boys of the time, I don't know what does. But those are just my thoughts... Ultimately, both endings are depressing but lean towards being hopeful. Re:Kinder certainly has a more bitter bittersweet ending than Utena, which has a movie with a sweet ending to counter it.

Honestly, there are probably more comparisons I could give between the two, but I feel like I've effectively covered the similarities for now. In terms of tone, themes, and presentation, both are practically siblings in that regard, and it makes for a very thought-provoking experience from start to finish... I can't recommend either of them enough. Re:Kinder is a free RPG Maker horror game you can download, and if you're interested at all, I'd highly recommend it... Just maybe use a guide if you want to get through it painlessly. It's not hard, but a certain puzzle can be annoying (that goddamn elevator!). And all of Revolutionary Girl Utena is available on YouTube in both sub and dub. The movie can also be found on YouTube unofficially. But I believe Amazon Prime allows you to rent it for cheap in English. However, the DVD for the movie is also fairly priced on eBay. The same can't be said for the series, though.

Before I end this off, though, I want to compare Re: Kinder's characters with roses... Basically, if they were in the world of Utena, these would be the roses they would use in duels... I'll be starting with the supporting cast, before I end with our protagonist and antagonist.

Ryou Shimoya - Shunsuke's best friend and the healer of the group. Ryou is someone who really cares about his friends, even if he isn't the most reliable. He's friendly and is the one who shows the most concern for Shunsuke, while also being fairly loyal. For him... despite his blue and orange color scheme, I believe the yellow rose suits him best. To remind you, yellow roses mean friendship, loyalty, and devotion. And I can't think of a rose that fits Ryou more.

Sayaka Akatsuki - Sayaka is the comic relief of the game. You never know what's going to come out of her mouth. While I suspect she merely acts like a fool to get attention, deep down, she really cares about her friend and is very passionate about a lot of things, and is unafraid to speak her mind. For her, I would give her the orange rose. Orange roses mean passion, energy, desire, and fascination. Sayaka is someone who is curious about a lot of things, she's someone who makes very weird jokes, and often says things she shouldn't know. All of which I attribute to her being fascinated by certain scenarios, while also being a generally passionate person.

Aya Hibino - A character who is visibly gloomy and sad most of the time. She is a character who wants to disappear... but not because she wants to die, but because she's scared. A lot happens to her, and she is the character you really need to pay attention to in order to truly save her. She's someone searching for a reason to live... for this reason, and as cliché as it sounds, I give Aya the black rose. A bit on the nose; the black rose represents loss and grief, but it also represents change, new beginnings, and rebellion... And for Aya, I genuinely think this is the direction she goes post-true ending.

Rei Suzumura - A very headstrong, easy to anger young girl. Rei is someone who is implied to come from money. And despite having some spoiled tendencies, she's ultimately a reliable, caring girl who fights to survive. She may be headstrong, but she's physically active and pretty intelligent. For her, I'd say she truly represents the red rose. With the red rose meaning, which, while a romantic color, also represents courage and strength, and I can't think of a character it's more suited for.

Hiroto Yamakawa - The oldest, most responsible, and reliable of the cast. Hiroto is present for all the fights with Priestesses, and even has to fight one solo in a puzzle boss fight. Hiroto is someone we don't know a lot about, but his actions speak louder than words. He's very reliable, caring, and someone who offers advice when the need calls for it. He's also very modest and someone who acts as the big brother to the younger characters. For him... The Peach rose fits him best. Peach Roses are often symbolized by modesty, sincerity, and gratitude. It's a rose that's often given to celebrate a successful business deal. But it's also given to people whom one respects and cares for by being genuinely kind. And I think Hiroto fits this to a T.

Takumi Katsuragi - White rose. Moving on. /j Okay, in all seriousness. Takumi isn't really around long, but in his short time, he comes across as pure and innocent, and for that reason alone, I'm giving him the white rose.

Yuuichi Mizuoka - Okay. So, in-game, Yuuichi compares himself to the Princess of the Red Rose, and I do recall elements of his character using red a lot. But, as mentioned earlier, Yuuichi isn't really that passionate about anything. And since the red rose was given to Rei, what is his color? Well... I personally believe the lavender rose fits him best. Lavender roses mean enchantment, love at first sight, fascination, and wonder. And I think this fits Yuuichi in a way that even he wouldn't want to admit. Yuuichi is someone who, while cynical, does view the world in fascination and wonder, perfectly suited for a boy his age. The lavender rose is also closely related to the blue rose in its meaning of mystery and the unattainable, but with a more whimsical and fairytale-like quality. Something that fits Yuuichi, with his fascination with fairytales, and how even though he is doomed by the narrative, he still longs for someone to save him and understand him... The lavender rose is also heavily associated with the LGBTQ community and has been used as a symbol for many years.

Shunsuke Takano - Our last character, and with his rose being stolen by Takumi, that means he also gets a different rose. As I said earlier, white doesn't actually suit Shunsuke that well, so what does suit him... Well, I have to go with the ever-elusive blue rose. Blue roses, as I mentioned earlier, represent mystery, uniqueness, the unattainable, and elusiveness. Blue roses aren't naturally occurring in nature, often having to be dyed or genetically modified. And with how much Shunsuke deflects from the truth, and how he also desires something seen as unattainable, I can't think of a better flower for him. When said that they represent the unattainable and impossible, it's not viewed as hopeless, but rather, the encouragement to chase something viewed as impossible or unattainable. Shunsuke is someone who, at first glance, you would think is just your average boy, but when you pull back the layers and look at this story, he is a unique boy in his own right and is someone who is truly kind and caring. And while others may view him as unnatural, he's still beautiful in his own right... While not as historically deep as the lavender rose, the blue rose, in recent years, has been used in queer spaces just as much as the lavender rose because of its meaning of achieving the impossible. In recent years, actor Gideon Glick and Jonathan Groff of Spring Awakening fame launched the Blue Roses Project, a not-for-profit dedicated to providing queer artists in New Orleans a means to create queer stories with theatre professionals across America. Because of this, I think in the end, Shunsuke being given the deep yet hopeful, unattainable blue rose, and Yuuichi being given the rare, fanciful, yet idealistic lavender rose, and with how closely related the two are, I can't think of better roses to give to the two boys...

One last thing before we go, I want to discuss the opening and first ending songs of Revolutionary Girl Utena. The opening is a classic. The song is amazing, and it gives some really good visuals to match. I actually looked at the lyrics for the song, and I think that both songs fit Shunsuke and Yuuichi really well. Also, they're very catch and good, and I love them. None of them will ever leave my head. But to really sell what I'm talking about, here are the songs with lyrics, and I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

This song, Rondo-Revolution, is ultimately about choosing to fight in a world that chooses apathy. The song goes over fighting against the world even if the singer is separated from the person they care about they will keep on fighting to change the world. While I do think this song fits Shunsuke more than Yuuichi... I still think it fits the two really well.

And there's truth, a song about wanting to be true to yourself and smashing all the lies that hold you back. This song is once again, on the surface, is a stronger fit for Shunsuke than Yuuichi, but I like to think this song is more fitting for Yuuichi in the end. A song about wanting to look beyond the lies and be hated by them, but there's also a verse about a boy who wants to know the singer, while the singer wants them to be misunderstood... Ultimately, I think this song really fits Yuuichi and I just wanted to voice that.

So, that's the end... I don't really believe in rankings or scores at all, so I won't score the series, but I will list the series that inspired Parun from ones I most enjoyed to least enjoyed.

1st: Revolutionary Girl Utena and Night on the Galactic Railroad.

Yeah, I started strong and ended strong. I'll be honest, I couldn't really pick between the two. The products of both stories in their respective mediums are masterpieces in their respective arts, and I just loved them too much to separate them. Both are highly meaningful, symbolic, and very effective. I can't reccomend them enough. If you want to know my thoughts on Night on the Galactic Railroad, I have an analyis post on my blog.

2nd: Confessions

A pretty close second, but just loses out to both. Confessions is a dark story with no clear morally good characters. It's a story that really touches a lot on very dark subjects, and it's really effective at what it sets out to do. Honestly, I really liked it, but I listed it second simply because I liked Revolutionary Girl Utena and Night on the Galactic Railroad more. Speaking of which, I got my hands on the movie! The subtitles were terrible! Thank God I read the book, or I probably would've been lost. But the movie was fantastic, a masterclass in direction and acting, and while it does play with the events of the novel, it's ultimately a really good movie, and I wish it were more readily available with good subtitles.

3rd: Yasashii Watashi

Honestly, I wish this story were finished in terms of English translations. The first volume is good, but a lot of the meat of the story is in the 2nd volume, and I had to use pretty unreliable lens translations to finish it. I was able to get a majority of the story, and what I got was good, but I can't really give a full opinion because of the way I had to experience the story. That being said, the story is a real look at how the relationship between two people, no matter how much you care for them, can turn toxic and codependent to the point you end up hurting each other, even if you don't mean to. It's a very sad story with a hopeful message, and I hope one day we can get it completely translated in some way. I think the opportunity to turn it into a movie has come and gone, but hey, never say never.

4th: The Sirens Lament

While relatively simple, I appreciate it as a look of obsession and how it can affect someone to make selfish decisions, but also how, when you beat it, you end up making decisions that not only help the other person, but yourself at the same time. My enjoyment of this story comes more from what it's trying to say than the actual content of the story. It's good and well written, and I won't deny that, but it's also not that fun to read. I'm not really someone who needs something to be fun for me to enjoy and appreciate it (I'm a Persona 1 enjoyer and apologist. If you've played that game, you'll know what I mean by that). So, there's that. It's good. I just liked the stuff above way more.

5th: The Immaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

This film is one I really want to enjoy more than I do. But Terry Gilliam both helps and gets in the way of this film. The visuals are excellent. The writing is competent. The direction and acting are good. So... what's my problem... Well, the fact that it uses blackface in one scene for comedic effect and it treats it's female lead as an object for older men, while also trying to make her a strong character which leads to issues for her characterization. I will still argue that the film is worth watching at least once if you want to experience something truly trippy, and if you're ever curious about Heath Ledger's last film. But if you can't get past the blackface or the way it treats it's female lead. You can skip it.

6th: Tideland

And now for the one thing I really did not enjoy. Tideland is a film that exists to make you uncomfortable, and it's to its detriment. The film is saying things, and it provides a deeply uncomfortable look at how children cope with trauma in real time. But... It's just way too uncomfortable for me to enjoy. Another Terry Gilliam film, the DVD apparently opened with him saying to give the film a chance and recognizing that it's a polarizing film, and that honestly doesn't make it better. It doesn't make it worse, but it doesn't make it better. Honestly, if you must watch this film, only do so once. I can see why Parun was inspired by this film, and its use in Re:Kinder is evident. But let me put it this way, the stuff Tideland does and tries to do is done better in Re:Kinder. And that is honestly the highest endorsement I can give Tideland: Not bad, but done better by others by a country mile. If you want to watch it, go ahead, but if you ever feel uncomfortable, you can skip it. It's not worth it in my opinion. Even if its ending is a good one.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I had a really good time with this, and I think next time, I'll give a list of works that inspire me to write and how I feel they could connect with Re:Kinder. I think if Parun had lived long enough, I think these stories could have offered him inspiration to write other stories... I hope to provide a list one day, like I did with my musicals that fit Re:Kinder list I did months ago. As for Revolutionary Girl Utena, I might write more in-depth thoughts on the series one day. But for now, I'll end it here... It's been a long road... Thank you for joining me...

[snowssilentrest]

Okay… Just got done with Revolutionary Girl Utena… I have thoughts. A lot of thoughts. But I need to watch Adolescence of Utena before I can give my full thoughts on the series as a whole. Needless to say, I really enjoyed it, and I really liked the ending of the series. Throughout the show, I could see a lot of similarities between the show and Re:Kinder in more than just themes, but also in style and presentation and even some character moments. I watched it all on a CRT television so I even got the experience the show on its intended screen. I did watch it in Japanese with subtitles, but I do plan on eventually rewatching the series in English just to hear the dub. I heard it described as like a theatre production which does intrigue me given the very theatrical feel of the show. Anyway, I need time to gather my thoughts, but I should have an analysis written up by Saturday or Sunday. I won’t be going over the whole story this time since it’s a decently long show, but I will still be including spoilers for the show and movie and give my general thoughts on both. However, my major focus for the next analysis will be mostly the comparison aspects between it and Re:Kinder. So, look forward to that. I certainly am.

[snowssilentrest]

To Mom. A Mother's Day Short Story - By Winters Hope

//The following story is something that's been on my mind for a while now, since listening to the song "About To Go In" from Two Strangers (Carry A Cake Across New York). This is going to be a short story written in 1st person POV. Specifically, Shunsuke Takano from Re:Kinder. I hope you enjoy.//

To Mom,

I'm not even sure how to begin this letter... Well, it's Mother's Day... So, I guess Happy Mother's Day! Honestly, it feels weird writing this... but Ryou and Aya said it helped them get out a lot of their feelings, or something. So... I guess I'll give it a try... It's been a year since... Well, you know what happened... In fact, it seems like all of Japan knows what happened... They all look at me with pitying eyes... I hate it... But... I'm sure you don't want to hear about all of that! So... how's heaven? Is it any good up there? I hope Amaterasu is treating you well... Or the Christian God if you believe in him. I'm not sure, honestly... Just another thing I don't know about you... It's funny, really... Before last year, I thought I knew everything there was to know about you... But even back then, you hid so much from me... And I want to know why... Was it to protect me? Or was it because you felt bad? Did you hate me? Did you love me? I have so many questions for you... and you can't answer them because you're not here anymore... And I'm sure this will be a big surprise to you, but I miss you, Mom. I really, really miss you, just so you know. Yeah... I'm sure you're surprised to hear that... After all, you are partly to blame for what happened last year... But honestly, I can't bring myself to blame you, or hate you, or anything... If anything, I blame myself... If I weren't alive, maybe you'd still be here... If you hadn't met Dad... maybe you wouldn't have had me... I'll never understand why you didn't get rid of me when you had the chance... Why you chose to have such a rotten son like me... But... I guess it's pointless to think about it now... After all, I can't ask you anymore.

You know... I remember running into you in the storybook world... I don't know if that was actually you or just a version of you thought of by my head or whatever. You told me to never forget you... and honestly... I'd have to be pretty stupid to forget you! I mean! How could I not! You literally bought me a time bomb alarm clock from Don Quixote days before you died! Like, who does that! I mean, it works, but c'mon, Mom! You could've picked any cheap alarm clock, and you chose the one that would probably give someone a heart attack! It's things like that that I remember the most about you... I don't remember the bad stuff like the phone call you had with Dad, or the fact that you were actively having an affair with another married man. I remember the way you would make me laugh by making a funny face, or making a joke that I said was lame, but I secretly found really funny... I remember your smile and how it would always light up the room... I remember how you used to tuck me in at night and did everything to make me feel loved and safe... I remember your curry... Your pies... I remember the way you always smelled like flour and cigarettes when you got home. I remember how you always took a shower as soon as you got home so the smell wouldn't stick around. I remember how you worked tirelessly to provide for an ungrateful son who didn't know how much you sacrificed just to make me happy... I remember how you lied to me about Dad, telling me he was on a business trip, when in reality, he was with his real family. Yeah... I knew about that the entire time... Sorry for not telling you before... I didn't want to worry you, so I didn't tell you that I knew the truth: That I'm an illegitimate child... That my Dad only comes here to provide you with money to take care of us... That he hated me the entire time and wished I were dead... To be honest, when I learned that, I wanted to die... I wanted to die so badly... But... I couldn't leave you behind... I knew you'd be sad if I died... and as much as I hate Dad, I can't really blame him for hating me... So... I guess that's when the lies started...

I bet you hate that your son turned into a liar. I mean, I do. I hate lying. I always feel like I'm going to vomit with every lie I make. But back then, I felt I had to lie in order to protect you and make sure you still believed that I was your kind and thoughtful son. I'm sorry for lying, Mom. I hope you can forgive me... Although I can't really forgive myself... After all, I'm the reason you died. If I were never born, you'd still be here. I will never tell anyone this is what I actually think, but it's true. If you hadn't had me, you would've never been in that town, and then you'd still be here... Instead, you're dead, and I'm alive. And now the world has to deal with Liar Boy: Shunsuke Takano. Instead of World Famous Internation Pastry Chef: Reina Takano... How is that fair? How is a no-talent liar supposed to measure up to someone like you? Someone who gave me so much? Do you remember Spring Break? The one before I moved to the 3rd Grade? I do... because that was the last Spring Break we shared together. It was the last day of school. Nothing crazy happened. It was just another standard day, but a lot of kids had plans to visit family out of town or even travel to other countries. I remember Ryou saying he was visiting his grandparents over the weekend with his Mom and Dad. Sayaka said she was doing the same... and when they asked me, I just smiled and said, "It's a secret!" So, while they both went out on the town or whatever... The day when everyone was supposed to have fun and make grand plans for their break, we stayed home... Just the two of us... You were able to get paid a week off, so we spent it together, watching TV, drinking smoothies, playing games, and seeing Cherry Blossom River... Our own secret spot... And it was the best break I could've asked for... I know life for you couldn't have been easy. It certainly wasn't cheap, and I know it must have been hard for you to sleep, and that the road was rough, and I'm sure you wished my Dad was in my life more, or that there was some form of Father figure, but... We were enough... The two of us were enough... You were always enough...

Darn it... I promised myself I wouldn't cry while writing this! But I miss you so much! I'm so sorry that I left you to die alone! I'm sorry I wasn't there! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wish you were still here... I wish you would hold me tight and tell me everything will be okay. I wish you would ruffle my hair like you used to... I even miss you calling me Shun, and I hated being called that! But I'd give anything to have you back... I just... I just can't... I don't want... I'm not sure if I...

Sorry... I needed a minute... I'm back to writing this letter now... So... what's left to say at this point? Well... I met someone... Someone I think I could've liked... I know what you'll say, it sounds nothing like me... But we talked, and we really hit it off... And for a while, I thought that maybe... that maybe he would like me back... Yeah... I guess there really isn't a good way to say this, but... remember how you asked if I liked Sayaka and I told you she was a cool friend! I didn't realize it then, but you thought I had a crush on her, didn't you...? Well... remember when you asked me again in 2nd grade if there was a girl I found pretty, and I asked, "How do I know when a girl is pretty?" You told me, "A girl is pretty to you when your face goes hot when you look at them, or when you just can't help but keep looking at them." Well... I didn't say this then, but at the time, I thought, "How come I find boys pretty but not girls..." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what this means. I have a pretty good idea, and I wish you were here to tell me what it means. Because... that boy I was talking about... the boy who killed you... He had a really pretty face... and I couldn't help but wish that we had met under different circumstances... I'm not sure what will make you angrier, the fact that I find boys pretty, or the fact that the boy I found pretty killed you... Honestly, a part of me hates him for what he did to you, so I hope that makes you feel better. But... a part of me wishes I could've saved him... A part of me would've been willing to... I don't know... I guess be like you and Dad, but with real love? I guess that means I miss him, too? I don't know... I don't know anymore... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for not being normal...

So... I guess that's everything... I know this was a long letter, but... I really missed you, and I wanted to make sure you knew just how much I missed you. If somehow, you see this, I'm sorry for everything... I'm sorry for not being able to save you... And not just you, but Mami, Takumi, and... him... I hope one day we'll meet again... In heaven or hell... I don't really care... No matter where you are, I'll find you again, and when we meet again, I'll hug you so tight they'll need to pry me away! But anyway... I guess I'll just make one last confession before I end this letter... To be honest... I thought about ending things a lot since you've been gone, but I haven't been able to go through with it. Even as I write this letter, I thought about making it my final letter... But... if I did that, I know my friends would be sad, and I guess my grandparents too... But honestly, Ryou, Sayaka, Aya, Rei, and Hiroto... They're the reasons I'm still here... I try to talk to them a lot... It helps remind me why I'm still fighting... Why I'm still here... I made a promise that I would grow up to be a kinder adult, and I intend to do everything I can to keep that promise... But I guess the first thing I have to do is learn to be kind to myself... That's what Hiroto suggests... Oh! Hiroto is an upperclassman I met the day you died! He's really cool, and great, and very responsible! He's been helping me ever since you passed... He and Rei... Rei is another upperclassman; she's a bit of a hothead, but she's reliable and smart, and somehow more boyish than Sayaka, yet very fashionable! And Aya is in the grade above. She's pretty gloomy most of the time, but she's been encouraging me in her own ways, and I'm sure you would've loved all of them! You already know Ryou and Sayaka, of course... But anyway! I'm gonna try to be kinder to myself! Whatever that means... I don't really know how to be kind to myself... I mean, kindness is when you do something for someone else's sake for no reason? So... how can I be kind to myself? I don't know... I hope I'll find a way soon... Anyway! I'm going to end this letter for real this time! Seriously! I mean it! But... sometimes I think about how the last thing we said to each other was a simple "Goodbye..." But it wasn't the right goodbye, so... before I end this, I just wanna say this, Mom...

I love you... I know you weren't a perfect Mom or person... But you were the best Mom anyone could ask for... And I hope you know that I'll never forget you! Ever! I love you... and I'm sorry... Wait for me, okay...? I'll be there sooner or later... Goodbye, Mom... I love you...

Your son,

Shunsuke Takano.

[snowssilentrest]

Yasashi Watashi and Re:Kinder: Kindness and its Contradictions.

Alright. I've managed to finish Yasashi Watashi, literally Kind Me, or Gentle Me. This was a two-volume manga written and drawn by Asa Higuchi, better known for Big Windup, a sports shonen manga about baseball. This manga has never left Japan technically, and fan translations only ever completed the 1st volume; the 2nd volume was unfinished. So, I had to import Volume 2 of the manga and use machine translations in order to finish the story. It went about as well as you can expect, but I finished it, and I more or less understood it. Machine translations aren't the most reliable, and trying to get the machine to see all the Japanese text and translate it was a pretty large hassle. But I didn't want to leave my journey of analyzing Parun's inspirations incomplete, so I did what I had to do, and now here I am. With that being said, let's begin. No long introduction about the author. Let's just dive right in.

Yasashi Watashi is a love story. But it doesn't have a happy ending. The first volume follows Hirotaka Seriu and Yae Karasu. They basically meet in a meet-cute fashion, and they both eventually form a relationship. For a while, things go pretty smoothly, but in the background, we learn a lot of things about Yae, namely that she has baggage and has a history of failed relationships, as well as a lot of unchecked issues that prevent her from forming deep, meaningful relationships without something getting in the way. I really wish I could go into more detail, but the beat-for-beat points are honestly very psychological and philosophical, and for a two-volume manga, they're pretty heavy. In short, the two eventually move in together, and during this time, they discuss their lives, as well as their different views on things, and it eventually all comes to a head, and by the end of Volume One, they break up. Among these topics is Seriu having been in the tennis club when he was younger, but he got an injury that he never got checked out, and he kept playing with it until it got so bad that he couldn't play anymore, even if he got surgery. Seriu puts himself out there in everything he does and tends to ignore his needs in order to achieve a goal and make others proud. He's also really kind, often going out of his way to do small tasks when he's asked, and makes as little conflict as he can. If this sounds familiar, it should. In plenty of ways, Seriu is very similar to Shunsuke in more than just personality and beliefs. While Seriu isn't as whimsical as Shunsuke, he has a few silly moments in the first Volume that show him as someone who isn't always serious. But unlike Shunsuke, he's pretty quiet. Often waiting for the other person to finish talking before giving their view of things... But both are similar in that they keep their struggles to themselves. They don't really like to burden people, and they tend to hold their pain back until it reaches a breaking point... More on this in Volume Two.

In contrast, there's Yae, a free spirit who uses photography and traveling to cope as much as she can. When she was young, she lost her Mom, and her Dad remarried her Mom's Sister, and later had her younger sister. It was pretty quick, with him remarrying a year after Yae's Mom died, and it doesn't sound like it was a happy marriage. Yae makes comments about wishing they would divorce, and her saying they're waiting for her sister to become an adult before doing so... I do believe we see her sister in Volume Two, and, given they're six years younger than her, they don't look that far apart... This was where the struggle of using machine translations came in, as while I could identify in Chapter 7 that she was talking to her sister, I didn't get the impression that she was a high schooler. It should be noted that Yae is older than Seriu by a couple of years. Yae is in her third year of college, and Seriu is in his second, but both waited a year before entering. Seriu, because of his injury, and Yae, because she failed her first attempt at the entrance exam. Anyway, a consequence of Yae's Father having remarried is that she still technically has her Mom's last name instead of the last name, Tamura, her Dad's last name, and she didn't know this until years later when she looked in the family registry. To quickly explain that, in Japan, there is something called the Koseki, or the family registry. What that is, is basically a birth certificate and family tree. Typically, when a married couple has a child, the child is put on both the Father's and Mother's registry, but they tend to have the Father's last name. This exception usually arises when the child is born out of wedlock, and the Father is either unknown or doesn't want his child to have his last name for whatever reason. Let's use Shunsuke as an example, since he's relatively simple. We know he has Mom with the last name Takano, and his Dad's last name is Fujisawa. So, since he was born out of wedlock, he'd be on his Mom's registry, and his Dad would only be on it if he said he was the Father, which would put the Dad on the Mom's registry, and put Shunsuke on the Dad's registry. Now, this would tell on the fact that Shunsuke is an illegitimate child if anyone were to look at this registry, but for all intents and purposes, that is what it would look like. All of this to say is that Yae somehow had her Mom's last name was not made aware of this until years later, and by the time she figured it out, she didn't really care. Now, other than that odd similarity to Shunsuke, Yae is much closer to Yuuichi in terms of personality and beliefs, and is almost the complete opposite of Seriu. Where Shunsuke and Seriu are kind, wanting to be hopeful, and hide their pain. Yae is very open, honest, and not afraid to speak her mind, while also clearly having a lot of baggage that she has not sorted out at all. She's been with a lot of men. And plenty of them didn't end well. Mostly because Yae is more comfortable being someone who is told what to do and what to feel rather than feeling what she feels. She's described as having a Father complex in the first volume, and I think the story is saying she has Daddy issues and that affects her ability to have meaningful relationships with men. And... yeah, we see that from learning from either herself or her past flames that no guy has ever been able to really give her what she needed. Seriu is probably the closest, and even those two don't end up working out due to both of them just being codependent on the other. Despite that, I do think the two could've worked out... But I think Yae was too afraid to confront her problems head-on on her own, and she was too afraid to try... Seriu, meanwhile, just couldn't really help her in the way she needed, because he was uncomfortable in being needed in the way she wanted. Seriu held the belief that you can't give up on something no matter how hard it is, while Yae believed that if something was impossible, it shouldn't be done at all... This is what ultimately led to their breakup.

Both Yae and Seriu have lines that mirror similar ones Shunsuke and Yuuichi had in Re: Kinder. Before we move on to Volume 2, I want to showcase the panels that really caught my eye where I truly felt the connection. Also, Seriu kinda looks like a grown-up Shunsuke to me. Well... Yasashi Watashi came first, so... Shunsuke looks a young Seriu would be more accurate.

If Volume Two were translated and digitized, I'd be showing images of those, too. Because the art improves by a landslide in Volume Two. I'm only allowed around 30 images, and I don't really want to go through them, especially since it'd just be me showing a picture of an untranslated manga page, but anyway, these panels really show the connection between Re:Kinder and Yasashi Watashi.

Now on to Volume Two for real... I'll be honest, I wish I had a better idea of what the characters were saying. I have a very rough idea, but because I was using machine translations, it was far from perfect. Some of the sentences bordered on questionable, and I struggled to really understand what the characters were saying. But what I did get from it was still really profound and sad. Basically, Volume 2 covers Seriu's and Yae's breakup and the aftermath... We see a bit of their family life away from college, like Seriu having a cousin in middle school, I think named Sumie, it's hard to tell with the translations. But she has her own story arc that I honestly can't really retell. I think she has her own issues with her family that she struggles with, which is partially related to Seriu's struggles, but again, I couldn't really tell. She is someone who helps Seriu learn a much-needed lesson, though... As for Yae, as I mentioned, we meet her sister, and we see that she sees right through her, even going so far as to call her out as a pessimist despite her outgoing personality. We also have a scene where Yae and Seriu talk to each other about maybe starting back their relationship, but Seriu declines due to him seeing that Yae isn't confident in herself, and wants someone to guide and lean on without really trying to make herself stronger or improve on her strengths. We see this with her struggling to get a part-time job, and the fact that she sees it as impossible for herself to get anywhere in life, whether in society or in romance... Needless to say, the conversation doesn't end well... But the next chapter has her call up Seriu after an undisclosed amount of time, and the two talk again. Yae talks about what she's been up to, and basically tells her that she's getting more bored with life, and Seriu talks about how he keeps trying, and trying, and trying, because in his mind, if he doesn't try at all, then he's a failure... After this conversation, Yae drives Seriu home, and that night... Yae hangs herself...

The next few chapters are the aftermath of Yae's death and how it affects Seriu. In the beginning, he doesn't seem all that sad... But he commits himself to the photography club and talks with people who knew Yae closely, and they all basically go over who she was to them, and how their death impacts them. From a friend who found her annoying and used, but still cared for and knew her. From her sister, who saw her as a good older sister and someone she admired, and even her father, who was surprised by how many people came to her funeral. It should be noted that her Father was the one who found her... After that, the story pivots to Seriu's cousin, who briefly moves in under the guise of scouting for potential high schools. Seriu lets her stay because he doesn't want to be alone... This is where the cousins' story comes in, and again, I really can't provide a lot here because of how unreliable the translator was. It looked like she was looking for her Dad, who may have worked for the hospital, and was struggling with her own inadequacy that mirrored Yae's, who was even thinking of not even going to high school and instead getting a part-time job before changing her mind after hearing Seriu's true thoughts... What did stick out to me here was the fact that we see Seriu's true feelings regarding why he is the way he is... I already talked about how Seriu is someone who gives his all in everything to the point of hurting himself, and that goes for his relationship with Yae, too. He had the mindset that it was better to try and fail than not try at all, and even was annoyed and angry at people who just... didn't try at all... Honestly, I can relate... But with Yae, he's clearly feeling guilt over how he handled their relationship and is clearly blaming himself for not doing more for her when she needed help, not realizing that he did all he could. This is where we see why he's like that... It's to hide the fact that he's just as depressed and lonely as Yae is... He mentions that after his injury permanently made it so that he can't play tennis, he started feeling sluggish, and sleep didn't help... He's been sluggish for years, and Yae's death just brought all those feelings back up... In his thoughts, he says that he'd be okay dying with her as well, and it takes his cousin telling him that he died that way, he wouldn't see her again... That it doesn't work that way... The two talk and though his cousin didn't know Yae, she was able to help him see that he's being too hard on himself and isn't letting himself grieve... The last chapter is a little road trip with all the characters in the photography club that he and Yae were a part of, with his cousin coming along as well... During this chapter, Seriu finally cries and lets out everything he's been holding back, accepting that she's gone, but also that she was here... With his message right before the end being that he's going to try and be kinder to himself...

So... yeah... I think it's obvious where Parun got the relationship dynamic for Shunsuke and Yuuichi from. Even when I had only read the 1st volume, I thought that the two were very similar to each other... I had thought that maybe things were going to work out, the two would break, talk things out, and then get back together and try again... And then Yae dies... We don't even see her death... We learn about it through a phone call. Her body is never shown, and after she dies, if the machine translation is to be believed, her name is never mentioned again. And yet she haunts the narrative for the rest of the story. This is very similar to what Shunsuke and Yuuichi could've been had they had the chance. When the two are talking in the dream world and in the final conflict, the way they talk to each other and connect is very reminscient of how Seriu and Yae speak to each other... and just like Yae, Yuuichi takes his own life because both are too afraid to confront their own weaknesses and drag someone they love down with them, not realizing that their actions basically guarantee that the person they care about will be dragged down in the swamp with them. But... something I noticed towards the end is that while Shunsuke's and Seriu's resolve are similar, there is a notable distinction here.... Shunsuke's vow is to be a kinder adult. Kinder towards others. Do what he's always been doing... While Seriu is to be kinder towards himself... Those are pretty distinct, as Shunsuke has the potential to trap himself in a situation where he can really hurt himself to the point of burnout. While Seriu's resolve is very hard... Our worst critics tend to be ourselves, but learning to be kind to yourself is learning to forgive yourself, especially in situations you can't control. I think both are powerful and important... But have similar, yet distinct risks. Seriu isn't likely to fall into the trap of being so kind to yourself that you neglect others because he is an adult. He knows better. He has life experience, and he is still the same kind man who was able to give Yae a genuinely happy relationship, even if it didn't end well... Shunsuke, however, is very young... A kid trying to be kind to others is a kid who has a high risk of being used by others due to his kind nature... A kid who already deflects his own issues, lies about how he is, and goes a lot farther than most adults would in regards to helping people, runs the real risk of burning himself out before he even finishes junior high. That said, I want to believe that Shunsuke will be okay... But I know from experience just how hard it is to be kind in a world that sees kindness as a weakness at best or a lie hiding evil intentions at worst... Kindness is underrated, and I think we as humans truly forget how much kindness can matter... Not just being nice, but being genuinely kind... You can call me naive, and hopeful, but... when the world is already on fire, and hatred is around every corner... How can we survive without hope? How can we survive without kindness? Me, personally... I choose to be kind... But that doesn't mean I'm weak; it just means I'm not going to stoop to a level so low that the only way I would feel better is just being mean-spirited and cruel. In a world that chooses to be cruel and heartless... I choose to be kind... and I want that to matter...

And with that note... Only one inspiration left... Revolutionary Girl Utena... Got me a CRT set up, so I'll likely be watching it that way over the next week or so. Once that's done, I'll give my thoughts on the series and then go over the themes of the series and how they relate to Re:Kinder. I have only seen the opening and the Rose Story at the beginning of it, and that alone was enough to hit me like a truck in terms of thematic connection. But also, I understand that the girl wanted to become a prince, which is very much similar to how Yuuichi wanted to be like the princess and be rescued... And this series is going to destroy me, isn't it? Well, I survived plenty of sad media in my 27 years alive on this planet, I can surely survive one more... Right? We'll see...

[snowssilentrest]

So.. it's thedrotter's birthday today, and I wanted to do something special, but the only thing I can do is release Chapter 9 early. I do apologize for the long wait between each chapter. As of right now, I have finally finished Chapter 12. That chapter really kicked my ass for some reason, but it's done, and the ones afterward should be easier going forward. Hopefully. Knock on wood. Dear friend, I'm glad you're here supplying us with our Re:Kinder fanart. You and Strawberry are doing the lion's share in keeping this fanbase alive. I can't provide much. I'm merely a writer and a singer. But I appreciate all you two have done in keeping this game alive. I wish the best for you both. Thank you...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/77741541/chapters/221553396

[snowssilentrest]

That awkward moment when you look up when the Tokyo Skytree name was picked in June of 2008 meaning Re:Kinder doesn’t take place in 2003 like you thought… Making a huge chunk of your story inapplicable to the games canon. This likely means Re:Kinders timeframe was shifted to 2010 instead of the originals release year being 2003. This is awkward… Now I have a decision to make, I either keep it all in 2002, or I rewrite it to be 2009 instead. This is problematic because I have been using 2002s calendar for specific chapters. So, the rewrites would be pretty substantial and I’d have to accommodate the media references to anything between 1998 to 2010, instead of 1991-2003.