There is a large part of me that really wants to try a GLP medication.
Not because I want an Ozempic face or to become a beanpole. Everyone who knows me knows I always want to be fat, even if I lose weight, I'd still want a chubby, thick body.
No, I want to try it to see if it really takes away the food noise.
My binge eating disorder has felt so out of control the last several months. I'm somehow losing weight, which might just be due to stress, but it's definitely not from not eating.
There is a part of my brain that is always talking to me about food. I'm always thinking about the ingredients in the pantry and the stuff in my fridge and freezer.
What can I make? What can I heat up? What mixed with what sounds good?
It's non-stop, but I would love to experience it stopping. I would love to experience a brain that isn't constantly working against me at every turn.
This last Wednesday, the 13th, I overate to an extreme I don't know I've ever had before. I don't even remember what I ate. I was just throwing things together and concocting different experimental things. I remember making a cheesy mushroom filling, then putting it in a puff pastry and baking it. I ate a whole roll of puff pastry and way too many mushrooms. I don't even LIKE mushrooms that much.
Anyways, at around 2am the next morning, I woke up in sweats, stomach cramps like I have never experienced, and what we in my circle call the "pissy shittys."
I was nauseous, I was in so much pain I even considered an ER visit because I thought maybe I had perforated my stomach or something crazy. I'm also stubborn, so I decided I'd stick it out and see what happens. I missed an appointment on Thursday because I just couldn't leave the house due to the pain and the...pissy shittys.
Now it's Saturday, and the issue still isn't resolved. I'm so frightened I've done lasting damage by my stupid overeating. The cramps come and go, but they are still there, and I can't even look at food right now. I went grocery shopping yesterday because I had to, and nothing looked good. There was nothing I was salivating over like usual. I just grabbed the stuff I normally crave and figured that when I feel better, I'll be glad I got them.
What if I never feel better? What if I've finally ruined it?
vaporwave
annaxmalina
andulkaphoto
discoholicmusic
