You can't make this sh*t up

Life is better than fiction. I live for the moments that make me laugh so hard I lose my breath. This is my attempt to put in words the craziness that I live daily.

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4:27 am. Went to be too early and now I’m wide awake. It’s so quiet I can hear the clock ticking. Stinky Maple taking up half this twin sized bed.

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All signs point to RUN! If you can’t see the universe is speaking directly to YOU! Stop Check your surroundings. Take a deep breath and receive the message, gently. Action is warranted in order to move away from the situation. Remember the confident you, strong and independent. Remind yourself to keep moving forward.

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Another birthday in the books ADK style. It was everything I hoped for. 53! Good times with good friends and amazing food. I gifted myself an 80 minute deep tissue massage, Happy Hour with Madi (she was kind enough to let us take her truck) Had an amazing dinner at the Woodshed with Sparky, Chris, Taylor Nichole & Sadie. Even got to see Emma. Then back to the Hotel for a night cap.

[nevver]

Better, David Shrigley

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I was just saying this to myself

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Today’s fortune

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Hello again.

[miguelmarquezoutside]

[nevver]

Please wait here, Michael Pederson

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More future forecasts

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Had my fortune told

[humansofnewyork]

(1/15) “It’s a magic trick, a dupe. Nothing but an illusion. And it starts the moment you walk in the door. Biggest store in the world. Eight full floors of shopping. And Santaland is at the very top. You can take the elevators. Or you can do what I did when I was a kid, and what I still do today: you take the escalators. Up, up, up. Through make-up. Through linens. Through housewares. Around the third floor, something happens. The escalators change to wood. They’re over one hundred years old, these escalators. From the original Macy’s. When you see them, you know: very soon. You’re about to see Santa. Your heart starts racing. Up, up, up. Until finally you see it: the back of the line. A line like you wouldn’t believe. Real life is happening in that line. Somebody pooped their diaper. Somebody needs to be breastfed. If anyone tries to smuggle in a pet, a white flower will step in. White flowers are managers. But nothing in Santaland is called by its actual name. The line goes past windows featuring scenes from Miracle on 34th Street. Then it spits you out at The North Pole. There’s a little kiosk with an elf. Full-grown adult, but the floor is dug out. So it looks like an elf. They’ll ask you Christmas questions: How many reindeer? How many lords a leaping? Doesn’t matter if you know the answer, because it’s all a mind game. To make you forget how long you’ve been waiting. In the business we call it ‘resetting the clock.’ After the elf you’re into the final maze. Everything covered in snow. Everything lit to the nines: the rainbow bridge, the animatronic penguins, the Lionel train. All of it setting up the final trick. You’ll come to a giant toy soldier made of candy. And that’s when you know you’ve arrived. A final elf will whisper those magic words: ‘Follow me.’ They’re walking backwards. They’re waving their hands. Keep looking at the hands. Don’t look at the other children, following other elves, to other doors. Just follow your elf to your door. Then walk right in. Turn that final corner, and poof. Real life disappears. All the waiting, all the crying, all the pooping, just melts away. And you’re face-to-face with the grandest illusion of all: Me.”

[gailcarriger]

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Life lessons

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In a dark place

At the tipping point

These last six weeks

So bleak

Day light Savings ends means Winter is coming. Expect snow

Just keep breathing this too shall pass

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Heard this song tonight in the restaurant of the Hotel Saranac where I work. When I was a little girl this was my favorite song! And just like that I was 5 years old again. It brought tears to my eyes. This song reminds me of my Dad and my Stepmom Myriam. Oh to be 5 again and not 50+

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The James Webb Telescope Captures Jupiter's Rings and Brilliant Aurora in Two Stunning Composites

It's been two months since NASA unveiled the first images captured by the exceptionally powerful James Webb Space Telescope, and a pair of n

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Tequila in my coffee cup @jhnmyr

[what-even-is-thiss]

I know that cis men are capable of being great people which is why it’s so frustrating when they suck. Your gender isn’t inherently bad at doing the dishes. You’re just a thoroughly unpleasant person.

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Sounds like someone I know all to well.

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One week away from being more than half a century.