At the mercy of despair

I'm just like you...except for my fascination with death

[brobexx]

As Long As You’re With Me You’ll Be Just Fine

[soclicheithurts]

Self sabatoge

isolation.it hold me close. im freezing. i can feel you, but when you are near things are too hot. it burns and i want to get away. im tired. falling, constantly struggling to climp the cliffface of my woes. i dont think ill ever be able to have a realtionship. i lie.i cheat. im want what i cant have and so ill never be satisfied. you are such a pure sould, wanting what is good, being real, beingwho you are finding yourself. if i stay with y ou i might just ruin you like i do everything eventually. im tired. please let me fall. even thought im scared of falling, at least an end is something , perhaps even i dont deserve that. im so tired. im rambling now, thisisnt a poem or poetry this is unfiltered thougths as my chest aaches and my head throbs and my heart beats all too much all too fast allbecause i cant care for me int he way you want me too. i know what i should do buti dont want too. i dont want thins. how dare i have grand ideas, how dare i dream of something beyond my place. how dare i fucking exist. and how dare i think i can rely on peopleot help me especially when i only create an illusion of trying to get better. im a fraud thats all there is too it. and well, if most humans are fraudsand im nothing special, well, i wont be missed. we dontneed another shitty person out her fullfilling their own agenda. who am I? i dont even know... im so cold here

[soclicheithurts]

10/30/20 I care very much about being perceived in a positive way. I want people to like me. At points I am proud of how likeable I am and I become arrogant. And as it usually goes. Arrogant people are not liked and I fall. And its inhibitive. If someone doesnt like me. Well it makes my world flip upside down. And it should be as easy as "fuck what they think just be you" but I still dont like me. I dont want to be me.

[otherwindow]

I love contrasting designs… Demons wearing white clothes……….. Angels wearing black clothes……………………  A demon so beautiful they are mistaken for an angel; an angel so monstrous they are mistaken for a demon.

[junk-warrior]

Yubel will always be the #1 spiritshipper. Everyone else go home.

[the-willow-gleams]

I love how vibrant MochiJun makes her art with a single color focus. It’s just as vibrant as her rainbow colored works.

[soclicheithurts]

I just want comfort

[soclicheithurts]

All ive learned is that i cant ve negative to anyone. Only to the counselor. And they try to guide you back to "happy" and "stable"

I fucking just i vant even.

#suicidal #depression #yesimanattentionseekingpeiceofshit

[libr-tumbl-alternative]

NSFW ban fail

Reblog if you’re still seeing porn bots despite the NSFW ban. I’m still seeing them. Plenty of legitimate followers seem to be blocked from my feed, however.

[soclicheithurts]

You dont understand. You see only your side thats why you dont understand. You see his father, your words are like knives on pressure points already bound by weathered ropes. You dont understand that your very demeanor of being the victimn and being bling to your own vices bot seeing your own problems are part of why he aches. It makes me so frustrated to watch you acting righteous and then defebsive placing all blame on him. Its not all his fault yours too, liquid ihibitor, males you rude. Alters who you are, clogs ypur cognition. And you become someone else.

[find-the-beauty-within]

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

[priincessolivee-deactivated2025]

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

[soclicheithurts]

Addiction

Why do i like the way my hands shake?

When too many escape pods i take

Overdose in silver, sharp. Red springs

Bubbles, stings, pleasant. Forbidden things

Inhale for relief, exhale and i cannot think

Peace, quiet in my mind and i sink

Further with a liquid potion, numb

I have become, to this i succumb,

Gratefully so. I just want the rest,

My thoughts to cease, its best

And through this haze i find peace

A road that leads to blessed release

[soclicheithurts]

11/7/18

What is it i hope to find?

Cant escape my mind

[soclicheithurts]

Just doesnt feel worth it anymore

The word rip open my old sore

I feel shame, like i let you down

And suddenly im on the ground

My ubsides decontructing, pain

Erupting in my claustrophobic chest

I hate me again. I failed again.

You're made at me again.

But uts not you, the one who

Is speaking now, its a past you

One who speaks in my head

And suddenky "i wish i was dead"

A thought echoes in my head

And i remind myself, this pain

Will ease, and i just try and breathe.

[soclicheithurts]

It just hurts. And i want it maladaptive but i want youbhere so bad. When i hurt people come. But that isnt how this works. You cant come even if you wanted too. Obligations. I need to remember you want to be beside me. It hardly stops this selfish pain. There are no pumpkins.

[soclicheithurts]

I eant to message you so bad. Hacing you so close but being unable to talk to you is driving me insane. Youre learning gow to drive. I need to be patient but my mind keeps telling me you are mad at me forngarming even though i know this isnt the case. I regret eating. My stomach is upset and my head hurts. I shouldnt have eaten after all

[soclicheithurts]

I want to die. Im making a plan. Not sure my method yet. But im going to try again soon. I know i am. Things are just bleak and i cant connect to anyone. Nothing feels real. Time to say goodbye. Goodbye for real this time. Gotta get the right pills.