I was sitting next to HIM on the couch as he was playing PS, I was watching the show "We're here", a show about a trio of drag queens that travel across the United States to recruit small-town residents to participate in one-night-only drag shows.
I was laughing, crying, getting emotional. HE was sitting so close that I knew he could hear it and feel it. I kept pointing to him to listen to important parts, HE kept glued on the TV playing. At some point, HE says "I can't hear you, I have my headphone in". HE was sitting on my right, with one earphone in his right ear. The ear facing me, open and available.
HE's working in the other room, with both his headphones in.
I'm in the living room, door closed, videochatting with my brother. After holding off my feelings and "whatsgoingons" for an hour, my brother is still pushing for more time on the phone. I cave and starting tell him what's going on with HIM. All of this, in my half greek/half english way of speaking. After another hour of discussion on the collapse of my relationship, HE walks into the living room telling me "You know...I can understand Greek." I say..."Where you listening?" He starts explaining that he overheard Greek and realized he was translating it in his head. I ask him how long he's been listening, he makes it obvious it was the whole time.
I tell HIM, hey, I read an interesting article about gender issues, can I read it to you? HE says yes. I read it, and his response is imediately in defence of the oposite of what the article was trying to say. This story is too long to get into. The take away for me was that I wanted to have a conversation about an issue that matters to me, from a point of view I agree with, because it's going to really matter if WE have children. But we didn't have a conversation, we had a week long (literally) argument and fights about it, where we both defended our sides to death.
Why is it, that when I try to talk to HIM about my feelings, HE can so easily zone me out, ignore me, try to silence me, force me to agree with HIM. Instead of listen. But when I'm sharing with friends or family, HE is automatically ON and listening.
How is my direct voice so easily zoned out by HIM, and my indirect so fought for? Is it because HE's actually listening to me in the first place but chooses to not engage? HE's taking the information in, but HE's still in control of the situation by choosing not to akcnowledge it/me. But as soon as I'm sharing feelings with someone else, he's no longer in control, and he has to be, therefore...HE's actively making a point, that I KNOW HE's listening, so he can be in control in that situation too.
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