'cause i'm only human.

sofiya nott. neutral. pureblood. former hufflepuff. i can take so much till i've had enough i'm only human just a little human

[rpmusings-galore]

                                    i’ll feast on my fear and swallow it down, deep

                                                 i’ll rip the sorrow from my eyes 

                                                          if that’s what it takes…                                                       i’ll let the beast inside WIN 

                                                  and claw my way through this

[rpmusings-galore]

“People will stab you, and then get offended, saying you have no right to bleed.”

— (via 3amsouls)

[disimilis]

[traumabrained]

brain: right now you feel like shit

me: okay...

brain: but in ten minutes you'll feel fine

me: great!

brain: and ten minutes after that you'll feel like shit again

me: great...

[rpmusings-galore]

                    i’ll never forget

                                their faces

                          i still see them 

                                     every night

[gleeksrphelp-deactivated2014122]

Send me a '✉' for five times my muse didn't text yours, and one time they did

[sofiyaxnott]

@dorcasxxmeadowes / @ariavery / @sybillxtrelawney

[sofiyaxnott]

ninafedxrxva‌:

Nina felt terrible after she snapped because she hadn’t realised it was Sofiya coming through the door. Sofiya didn’t have a bad bone in her body, Nina thought, and of course she wasn’t coming to see her for any bad reason. There was just so much going on, she was surrounded by people she didn’t know, an owl had been sent to her parents, but they were muggles, and they didn’t have the money to fly over to see her. 

She bit her lip, of all things, Nina hated looking or being perceived as weak, she’d been strong her whole like, for her parents, for her sister, because of her job. And being stuck in a hospital bed didn’t help her cause. “Yes, of course. Sorry” she shook her head and waved her over to the chair next to her bed. 

Sofiya immediately saw the regret of her outburst on Nina’s face. As she walked to sit next to the hospital bed, Sofiya reassured her it was okay. “I understand, Nina.” She understood so much. She knew what it was like to be attacked and left with nothing but fear pulsing throughout the body that was left behind. “Honestly, I would be surprised if you hadn’t snapped a bit.”

When Nina bit her lip, Sofiya reached out for her hand but slowed herself and touched the bed instead. “Don’t bite your lip, love.” She wanted to run her fingers through Nina’s hair but didn’t want to scare her again. Sofiya remembered how on edge she had been after her attack and didn’t want her to cringe. She only wanted her to feel loved, precisely why Sofiya had come to see her.

As she looked Nina over, a small smile surprisingly graced her face. “You may not believe me, but you look as beautiful as ever,” she kept her gaze on Nina’s face. “Is there anything you need? I think I could be very good at playing nurse.”

[janellepierzina]

[sofiyaxnott]

Must be strange knowing your sister wants you dead.

“She can try anytime she likes.”

@valentinanottt

[sofiyaxnott]

your siblings don't deserve you or your kindness

“Perhaps I am the black sheep of the family, but maybe there’s something to the old saying about those who are troubled needing the most kindness? Besides, Dmitry is the best brother I could possibly think of and Valentina …well, maybe she could use some extra kindness.”

@valentinanottt

[ninafedxrxva]

Broken Ballerina

“What are you doing?” Nina snapped, and instantly felt bad about it. She was just so frustrated, she didn’t know who her attackers were, the attackers that may have ruined her career, and therefore her life. She had been given potions to heal her bones, so she wasn’t in casts, but it wasn’t the same. She had to give up her role that she had worked so hard for, in turns for likely weeks and weeks of physical therapy. She sat in the hospital bed, furious, and for the first time in her life, feeling completely helpless.

[sofiyaxnott]

As soon as Sofiya read the Daily Prophet and heard about Nina’s run in and broken legs -- oh her beautiful, talented legs -- she threw the paper down, ran down the stairs, heard her mother yell after her but slammed the door behind her anyhow. She needed to be at Nina’s side. If anyone understood pain at the hands of others, it was Sofiya.

Nina couldn’t go through this alone. She wouldn’t go through this alone.

Sofiya walked through the door to Nina’s room, opening the door quietly so as not to disrupt the ballerina -- she would always be a ballerina -- while she rested. She peeked around the corner and saw the woman laying in a bed, face beaten and legs looking unlike hers. Sofiya gulped, not out of sorrow but out of anger.

When Nina saw her, she snapped. It made Sofiya jump slightly but she understood the hypervigilance. She struggled with it as well. There was no way she could hold it against Nina. “I heard the news,” she said in a softened tone, “I had to see you. I hope that’s okay.”

She knew Nina may say no, which would be understandable, but Sofiya asked anyway. “May I come closer?”

[asking-jude]

But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

Haruki Murakami

[sofiyaxnott]

they don’t even know she’s gone // open

[sofiyaxnott]

mlle-laurette‌:

Laurette had gone out for a smoke– not normally the sort of habit she endorsed, but Rene had remained fucked off to god knows where probably doing something stupid without her there to make it better, and she needed the nicotine. Desperately. More than she needed the nicotine, she needed a friend. For the most part she’d left all her friends back in France. Which had been harder than finding out Rene had disappeared right along side Victoire. 

At least she had Sofiya. Unexpectedly but delightfully, she had Sofiya. Or at least maybe the start of a something like friendship with Sofiya.

When the girl showed up in front of her flat Laure stomped out the cigarette and smiled. “Ce n’est rein!” She said, waving the smoke away as to not irritate Sofiya’s health any further. “It’s no problem. Do you, eugh, would you like to come in? It’s cold.”

It was amazing how easy it was to find herself at Laurette's flat. The two didn't know each other very well but just enough to want to see her. It hadn't been since the attacks that she was able to reach out to people she had, once upon a time, called friend. She wanted to reach out again. Her therapist urged her to, reminding Sofiya that there is still good in the world. And Laurette was certainty that.

Her feet had taken her to the right place.

When the woman opened her door, a puff of smoke came rolling out. It caught Sofiya off guard and she coughed. Noticing her friend had put it out immediately, she was grateful. "You know, Laurette, you really should stop that nonsense," she smiled softly, to show she wasn't lecturing. "And yes, as much as I love the freeze out here, I suppose being indoors would be preferable."

As she stepped in, she took off her outer layer and immediately (and with some hesitation) opened her arms, searching for a hug. The poor girl had been so touch deprived that she wanted a hug that would last.

"I've missed you, dear."

[sofiyaxnott]

they don’t even know she’s gone // open

[sofiyaxnott]

ninafedxrxva‌:

Nina pulled open her front door to see Sofiya standing on her doormat, it was definitely not who she had been expecting. She hadn’t been expecting anyone really, when she had heard the knock on the door she had assumed her sister had forgotten her key once again. So having Sofiya turn up was definitely not something she expected. “Oh! Really?” she said, pulling open the door more “Come in then. I’m glad I was home.” Nina said, closing the door behind her friend. 

Then she saw the clock, she’d been busy reading, and hadn’t been paying attention to the time, she should have been asleep an hour ago, she had rehearsal in the morning. But things worked out she supposed, the universe must know what was going on. “Is everything alright?”

It was late. Sofiya wasn't even sure if anyone would be around but she had to try. The witch had adrenaline pumping through her veins -- positive adrenaline. It felt odd and familiar at the same time. She could feel it inside of her that she needed to share her positivity with those around her, those she was once close to.

She arrived at Nina's doorstep. Sofiya wasn't totally surprised but it was a nice feeling to knock on that door and anticipate an answer that didn't frighten her.

Her face softened as Nina opened the door, with the surprised look across her face. "Yes, it's me. Who knew of be standing at your doorstep this time of night." She leaned her head to the side. "I know it's late and you must have things to do tomorrow," like dance rehearsal. Sofiya always loved Nina's dancing. "But I would love a late night cup of tea of you have the time. And if not, it's been wonderful to see such a beautiful face tonight." Sofiya awaited a response. "Oh! And I'm doing very well right now actually. Wanted to share a little cheer."

Sofiya smiled with such fervor. She felt something inside her she hadn't felt for months upon months.

[sofiyaxnott]

adelaideboots‌:

Adelaide looked the other girl up and down. It was no secret that she wasn’t fond of the Nott family, not after what had happened with her mother, but found it very difficult to dislike Sofiya entirely. The two had been dormmates when they were at school, and as mad as she could get at her siblings, and the Avery’s, she couldn’t think about Sofiya without also thinking about nights spent laughing in the Hufflepuff Common Room. Instead, she chose not to think about her much at all. Until now.

“Neither can I.” She replied, not sure how she was supposed to speak to her anymore. “Yours too. It- it’s such a lovely day, isn’t it? You can’t help but be outside.”

“Yes. A lovely day,” Sofiya smiled, wondering if that would be Adelaide’s extent of conversation with her -- but hoping it wouldn’t be. “It’s hard feeling locked up and away from sunlight, especially on days like this.” She shifted her coat, feeling a welcome chill up her spine from the cold. “Something about the crisp air makes me feel ...alive.” 

Sofiya looked around her. She couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubble up inside her being somewhere she shouldn’t be. It was an adventure she hadn’t counted on. And Adelaide could possibly make it that much better. Sofiya missed her fellow Hufflepuffs. She could have used the smiles and welcome nature the house shared. But she wanted to give the woman in front of her the chance to approach her with it rather than the other way around. Sofiya couldn’t imagine losing her mother the way Adelaide had. The war had taken enough from Sofiya, she didn’t know how Adelaide dealt with it. Perhaps London was her escape as well.

“What brings you here today? Planning a little escape from fellow witches and wizards as well?” She looked back up at the building with the scratched out sign and began to walk toward it. “What is this place? The building is fascinating.”

[rpmusings-galore]

                           I think I need  h e l p                              ‘Cause I’m drowning in myself                                   It’s sinking in, I can’t pretend                                That I ain’t been through hell                                        I think I need  h e l p                                         I’m drowning in myself

[erikafeldman1]

I’ve known I was mostly gay ever since I can remember. I know it troubles many people for me to refer to myself as a lesbian considering I have a male partner. I think they gather that it trivializes the plight of the LGBTQIA community & although that couldn’t be further from the truth at this point in my life I’m trying to steer as far from labeling as possible. Compartmentalizing myself only leads to condemnation & contradiction. I’m happier being fluid and I’m happier being honest.

- Caitlin Stasey