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@softlunargaze
âš mar ! they / them ; twenty-three
side blog / a fanfic tbr for @.angclhood áąđ©
â.á BIGGEST FAN ââ Clark Kent
summary: itâs the premiere for your debut movie. clark is there to support you from the sidelines. or, when clark kent almost reveals his true identity in a flash of protective induced anger when the paparazzi become aggressive with you. (wc: 4.5k)
pairing: clark kent / f!reader
content: established relationship. fluff. actress!reader. protective!clark. typical red carpet fiasco with the paparazzi. r wears a dress for the premiereâinspo is zendayaâs newest lookâbut no physical descriptions. 18+ smut (m. receiving, semi-public blowjob? mild exhibitionism and praise.) (1) swear word from clark.
The knock to the hotel door came twenty minutes prior to when you were due to walk the carpet. It was a distinct knock, five sharp, melodic raps against the wood that could be mistaken for something along the lines of morse code. It was protocolâof course. The debut premiere of a high profile movie adapted from the pages of millions of peopleâs most treasured story, the stakes could never be higher to ensure that the other person on the side of the door was not a human will ill-intent.Â
It came with the profession. Media consumers, movie buffs, locals disrupted by the chaos that a bunch of actors and their entourage brought to their city, werenât all going to be elated by the movie adaption.Â
You were never going to win; women never got to win.Â
So, the knocks were mandatory.Â
One of the many assistants that were collaborating for the initial get ready to go as smoothly and as on time as possible, crept to the door, cracking it open just a slither before their shoulders drop in reliefâbecause there was no use of brunt force or verbal abuse needed to the potential threat on the other side.Â
You are closer to the opposite side of the room with a team of hair, makeup and your most trusted confidant; your stylist, when the door opens and shuts with urgency. From where you are stood, you can see the red carpet beneath the building you were residing in and it had been cause for a brilliant distraction amidst the tugging and turning you had to endure to look the part.Â
Eventually, you turn your head to see your boyfriend approach you withâwhat you would call itâa shit-eating grin on his handsome features. Clark Kent is almost unrecognisable as he forgoes the frumpy, ill-fitting grey ensemble suit for his everyday work escapades at Daily Planet, and stands in all broad-shouldered excellence in a sleek suit that deliberately complimented the theme of your outfit.Â
It was subtle. Completely intentional. (The world had yet to unearth the privacy of your relationship, but that didnât mean Clark couldnât tease a declaration of possession with a suit.)Â
Your posture slumps with relief to see him.Â
âHey.â you breathe out, the team around you dispersing momentarily to allow you a moment with your remedial significant other.Â
Clark bends to press a featherlight kiss to your lipsâconscious enough to not ruin the perfected makeup look. âHi, sweetheart. You okay?â
âYeah, justââ you inhale and Clark copies, âânervous. Sort of.âÂ
Nervous was an understatement to how you felt. To be morbidly graphic, what you felt was close to the comparison of, if you had ingested flesh-eating maggots that had a craving for eating away at your vital organs. Especially your stomach.Â
Nervous was just a more eloquent way of expressing that.Â
It was to be expected. The movie that you had been working on amongst some of the top-dogs of the theatre industry, was also your introductory film. It took close to two years of filming, hundreds of repetitive script-readsâwith Clark has your practice partnerâand endless but intermittent travelling to locations to capture the true essence of a backdrop for a scene. This movie, with a director that was renowned across the globe, would change the trajectory of your life within this business you were so passionate to be apart of.Â
The premiere was another ominous entity entirely.Â
In simpler terms: this is where the public scrutiny came into play.Â
Clarkâs face fills with empathy, âI know. Itâs a big deal for you.â he rubs circles into the pulse point on your wrist, âYou deserve the recognition. Everything else is just outside noise. Alright?âÂ
âRight.â you give a curt nod, âI do deserve this.âÂ
âIâll be right there with you. Wellâbehind you, not in shotâŠjust with your assistant. Away from the limelight.â Clark mulls the positioning of his standpoint on the red carpet, âGolly. You know what I mean.âÂ
You let out an airy laugh, âThank you, baby. I really appreciate you being here.âÂ
Clark pecks your glossy lips again with a smile, before taking the opportunity to stand back on his heel to appreciate the work your team had put into the creation that moulds to the curves your body. It was a craftâthe art form that spoke through the visuals of fabric against the human form. The team that remains devoted to you to this day have completely encapsulated the aesthetics on par with the movie; as if they shook the script and you fell out wearing a divine masterpiece.Â
He could appreciate the concept pieced together on your body. He would appreciate that you brought it to life, even more.Â
Clarkâs hands smooth down your forearms, his face melding into that of a man on a ledge of delaying the entire premiere process. Brows in a pinch, a low hum rumbles from his chest as he drinks up your external beauty.
You tuck your chin to your shoulder because, even after a year and some change with the bumbling journalistâand true Kryptonian behind closed doorsâClark still manages to conjure up some shyness from the depths of your core.Â
âYou lookâŠangelic.â Clark speaks in a barely audible tone.Â
You look down at your frame, âThat was the prompt. This dress was put on hold from the runway for two yearsâCan you believe that?â your eyes shine with excitement when you look back up.Â
âThey made the right decision, honey.â Clark muses, happy to keep your spirits up before the anxiety seeps in from the corners.Â
âYou look handsome.â you redirect, voice dripping in saccharine. You subject your team to the ooey-gooey tempo pouring from the bubble you found yourself in with Clark. You smooth your hands down his chest, âI like your suit. You suit this cream colour.â
âYesâWell, I thought I could match in some way.â Clark mumbles, pink from praise. His fingers dip into the breast pocket, pulling out a pair of golden-frame sunglasses. âI made these.âÂ
You pluck the sunglasses to inspect the plexiglass. âThe same as your others?âÂ
(It was an attempt to be as discreet as possible in a room full of listeners. For all they knew, your significant other had a passion project of making sunglasses.)Â
Clark nods happily and you express your amazement through the subtlety of facial expressionsâtrying hard not to draw too much attention to raise questions from the others. He takes the glasses from you, angling his body away momentarily to exchange the signature frames for the newly designed ones.Â
He turns back, dimples prominent with the shades now adorning his face.Â
âOoh.â you chirp, âAre you sure you donât want to walk the carpet?â
âThatâs all you, honey.â Clark ensures as he laps up your fawning over him.Â
Your publicist finds a moment of reprieve in between the flirtations between you two, signalling that the final touch ups can be made in the short car ride to the venue. Clark breathes with you when the apprehension returns in shudders of air from your lips, his reassurance quiet as he gathers your skirts to ensure your walk to your assigned vehicle is as undisrupted as possible.Â
The elevator ride from the tenth floor doesnât last long enough for you, and suddenly youâre struggling into the backseat of the car with the tinted windowsâClark prompt to step up and help you into the seat with his hand at your hip. Once youâre awkwardly settled, the dress preventing as much fluid movement as usual, Clark ducks his head when you place a hand to his jaw to tug him in for one final kiss; before the relationship was placed behind a thin veil and away from prying eyes.Â
Then itâs you, your stylist and your thoughts.Â
Clark is in the car following behind yours. He has your publicist talking in his ear about the protocol to be strictly followed once on the carpet. Sheâs essentially the brains of the operations that happen under everyoneâs starry-eyed infatuation with the stars of the movie. She talks of the interview triages assessed prior to this moment, where you need to be an opportunist with popular media outlets, the strict schedule to help you flow through the process with minimal overtime with interviewers.Â
âItâll be hard not to step in.â she says in regard to parasite that were the paparazzi, âThatâs my job. I know the cues, the questions that arenât to be asked. Just be there as background support. Sheâs nervous.âÂ
âOf course.â Clark agrees with zero protest.
This was beyond the cushioned comfort of Daily Planet, or in the skies as the protector of Metropolisâor wherever heâs needed. Clark was out of his depth with all the glamour, besides the handful of times he had attended the Metropolis Gala still in civilian clothing.Â
Even taking all of this taken into consideration, the event was about you, and your co-stars no less; but you. That meant Clark had to chew on his feelings and relinquish his protective streak to allow the professionals to do the job they had been employed to do.Â
Take care of you in the spotlight.Â
And, for the most part, they do.Â
As soon as youâre out of the car, your publicist doesnât let you out of her sight. Even with the blinding flashes coming from the bulbs in the plethora of cameras, she never loses you in the swarm of desperate hands waving posters for signatures. When the time tiptoes on, she is the one to give your elbow a light tap and you move along.Â
Clark watches you in awe from the sidelines. The fluidity in which you manage to maintain as you manoeuvre from interacting with fans to snappy interviews with various different media outlets, is genuinely admirable.
From an insiderâs perspective, Clark couldnât help but show his bias. You werenât a hard person to fall in love with. He finds himself falling deeper everyday. So, it made complete sense the way strangers would practically fall to their knees in reverence the moment you turned your attention in their direction.Â
(Clark was just privileged enough to be able to take you home. Whereas, these people didnât.)Â
Eventuallyâafter the red carpet photos, interviews and fan interactionsâyou make it into a more communal, but still public, area with all the co-stars of the movie, and where the paparazzi also begin to spill into the edges of the carpet; without as much as a barrier to hold them back.Â
Despite this, the photographers had been told on numerous occasions that this was an intermission to allow to actors to breathe for a minute. Therefore, photos were to be put on hold until the group photos of all the people starring in the movie were to take place.Â
âYou okay?â Clark checks in when you finally come to a stop.Â
âPhewâYeah. This is pretty intense. Do you think Iâm doing okay?â you look up at him all twinkly-eyed, your pupils dilated from a mixture of strong affection and the adrenaline from the event.Â
Clark, without much thought, rubs the nape of your neck, âYouâre a natural, sweetheart.âÂ
You lean into his touch. (He refrains from pressing a to kiss your temple. Or anywhere on your face.)Â
âHow are you feeling?â you ask whilst you take Clarkâs hand into yours to absentmindedly play with it.Â
âIâm happy.â Clark chirps, âHappy to be part of this moment with you.âÂ
You tilt your chin, humming in contentâClark Kent was a man who knew how to love. âYouâre sweet. We just have some group photos and then weâre inside to introduce the film. We arenât obligated to stay after that.â
âYou donât want to watch it?âÂ
âI do! I just have this idea in my head on how Iâll watch it. You know, when itâs released to the public. You, me and our friends can go to the Metro to watch it.â you beam at the idea of sharing your moment with your close ones; and as an extension, Clarkâs close friends too.Â
Clark wants to kiss you. You can see it in the way his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. Behind the tinted shades, blue eyes are pinned to your lips as the end goal. He gives you a handsome smile, hungry for some public display of affection but is aware of the boundaries in place.Â
This was your moment. He didnât want any kiss to detract from that in the newspapers the next morning.Â
The tension is palpable, because your relationship has always been pretty handsy. Anywhere you went together, there was always a hand placed on a hip, a kiss pressed to the back of a hand or a peck to the lips when you found the time. To have the restraint to not flaunt the love shared between you two, was a talent in its own.Â
(That didnât mean the ride back had to be cuffed to the self-control too.)Â
Even so, you still found yourself fiddling with Clarkâs hand, stepping into him as you waited around for the signal for the group photos.Â
Itâs only when a few bulb flashes spark in your peripheral, that you drop the gentle affection.Â
Your publicist is first to step in. âThereâs no photos to be taken here. If you make your way round to the podium, the group photos will be held there.â she announces it clear and conciselyâso there shouldnât be any confusion.Â
âYeah. Yeah.â a male with an expensive camera drawls.Â
You turn back and pull a face at Clark, âThereâs always one, huh?âÂ
Clark offers a smile reserved only for you.Â
The flash goes off again.Â
âExcuse meââ your publicist steps up to the same male, ââDid I not make it clear enough? This is a no photography zone. Go round to the podium, or I will call security.âÂ
The pap chuckles and lifts his lens to snap another candid photo of you. âLet me do my fuckinâ job, lady.âÂ
âHey!â Clark moves toward your publicist to defend her. His face contorts into frustration, âEveryone has a job to do here. Letâs be respectful of that.âÂ
âShut the fuck up, dude.â
Clarkâs nostrils flare, âDonât be such a jerk, buddy.âÂ
The man scoffs at Clarkâs polite insult.Â
âThis your guy?â he snorts, thumbing in Clarkâs direction whilst he stares at you.Â
You also step into the space where the minor conflict was beginning to arise. Media trained down to the bone, you were aware of how to keep composure whilst trying to snuff out the growing tensions amongst ravenous paparazzi that will do anything for a front page image.Â
Silence follows you, ignoring the provocation from the paparazzi.Â
Your hand comes to rest on Clarkâs forearm as he stares down the bald-headed man who was sneering back at him. He could feel the thrum of the pulse quickening in his neck but yields all the same. Your publicist gives him a grateful nod, all three of you turning your backs to weave through the rest of the people that congregated on the carpet.Â
Itâs the step to the side, and behind your publicistâto check in with herâthat induces a blur of aggression.Â
The belligerent paparazzi male makes himself an opportunist to the vulnerability in having your back turned. Unsatisfied with the limited images he has taken of you, his hand outstretches and he dictates your movement with a hand yanking at your bicep.Â
It makes you yelp from the unexpectedness of it. His intentions are rough and youâre pulled from your publicist.Â
You attempt to shake him offâhis fingers curling deeper into your flesh. âGet off of me!âÂ
âHell no. I need one good fucking photoââ his demands are cut short when Clark comes up from behind you, grabbing the camera in the paparazziâs grasp and crushing it into smithereens beneath his foot. âAre you fucking kidding me?âÂ
âShe said get off of her.â Clark sizes the guy up, a couple of inches taller, âNo one takes photos here. You heard the rules.âÂ
âClarkââÂ
âNo, fuck you!â The guy points a finger in Clarkâs face, âAnd fuck this nobody bitch!â Â
A shade of red blinds Clarkâs vision as he takes the fabric of the manâs shirt into his fingers, his teeth bared as he sends him a couple of feet into the crowd of paparazzi standing idleâall observing the ordeal before they became part of it. Luckily for the bald-headed pap, Clark had only mustered up a slither of his strength to send him backwards; so it wasnât as evident that he contained the power to have his body flung to the other end of the street.
You stop Clark from following the path in which he tossed the man like a rag-doll, seeing as his point had been well and truly proven. His eyes remain where a few people have bent at the knee to check for any injuries on the male.
A single flash goes off.Â
âCome on.â you mumble, your fingers intertwine with Clarkâs as you tug him behind you with your linked hands flush against your back.Â
Clark feels the visceral anger water down to dread whilst he walks, the guilt rising like bile in his throat as you guide him away. âIâm sorry, honey. Iâve ruined this for you.âÂ
âThese things happen.â you speak over your shoulder, straining a smile to onlookers, âYou didnât ruin anything. It was about time these paps get put in their place.âÂ
âAre you hurt?â he asks worriedly.Â
You shake your head as you come to a stop, your publicist beside you already on the phone. âPeachy.â you fix the lapel of his suit, âYou need to be careful what youâre showing off here. They are here to provoke us, to get a headlineânegative or not.âÂ
âI know, I justâcouldnât stand back and let that happen.â Clark pouts, âYouâve worked so hard to get here. I feel terrible.âÂ
âHeyââ you coo, placing a hand to his cheek to raise his eyes back up to yours. You smile warmly, ââNothing is ruined. We might get a hospital bill in the mailâŠbut itâll be okay. We just have to keep rolling with the punches.âÂ
Clark nods along as your publicist approaches. With security already on the way to escort the aggressive instigator out of the venue, she advises that the group photos will be nextâhowever the time for it cut short as it seems that a few more of your co-stars have reached the same fate with the paparazzi.Â
She ushers you away, and Clark stands with his hands clasped at his front as he watches you stand amongst the A-listers to get your photo taken.Â
Youâre a vision. Again, this could be Clarkâs bias rearing its head, but he thought you stood out from the team. A different type of glow from stardom around you.Â
âYouâre a lucky guy.â your publicist muses quietly as she stands shoulder to shoulder with Clark.Â
âI know.â Clark inhales to fill the air that has escaped his lungs from watching you. âSheâs one of a kind.âÂ
âHm.â she hums, âAnything we should be keeping under wraps from the tabloids?â she leans in to refrain from the conversation bleeding out into the eavesdroppers in surrounding areas.Â
The tips of Clarkâs ears tinge with pink at the thought of an upcoming proposal he had in the works.Â
Clark chuckles, âSoon. Iâll let you know.âÂ
âWellâyou have my email.âÂ
The group photos are wrapped up instantaneously, and you are back within Clarkâs grasp. You introduce him to a few of the co-stars he had missed the day he visited you onset, and he spends most of his time talking about you rather than being complimentary to their extensive work in the industry.Â
A few of them check on you after the altercation with the paparazzi and Clark keeps a firm hand on your back. (All previous notions of subtlety are gone with the wind.)Â
The whole team filter into the venue, away from the cameras and reporters which invites a unified sigh of reliefâpostures less straight, shoulders rounded, genuine personalities beginning to peek through.Â
Thereâs a fifteen minute wait before you are required to assist in introducing the film to the audience within the theatre. Your publicist finds you a room to sit in, with some refreshments on the table whilst you await to be called.
âIâll give you a knock when you are neededâ. she says before shutting the door, leaving you and Clark alone for the first time in, well, a few hours.Â
His hands come to smooth across your hips, head nuzzling into your neck as he breathes in your scent; sending goosebumps up your spine. You bend slightly to allow him to apply minimal weight against your body with his, with your arms snaking around his neck to keep you balanced.Â
Clark presses a few innocent kisses to your pulse-point.Â
He lifts his head from your neck and gives you a lopsided smile before dipping to kiss you properly. Thereâs a sigh of content from both parties as you lean into the kiss, lapping up all the missed opportunities to display this kind of affection with him.Â
You pull away first, âI really appreciate you being here today.âÂ
Clark is hungrily staring at your lipsâhis brows pinched with need. âAnything for you, sweetheart.âÂ
âI also appreciate how you stuck up for my publicist.â you kiss him again, âAnd for me.â you move your kisses from his lips, to his cheek and then onto his neck. âLet me show you how much gratitude I have.âÂ
âHoneyââ Clark grips onto your hips as you suck at his neck, ââWe donât have time.âÂ
Your hand travels south, âPlease?âÂ
âGosh, sweetheart.â Clark whimpers when your hand palms at the outline of his cock. His shaft twitches from the pressure youâre applying. âDarn it.âÂ
You grin wickedly and in a blink of an eye, youâre on your knees in front of him. Fingers making light work of his trousers, Clark tucks his chin to watch you peel his boxers downward; allowing his already hard cock to spring free, slapping against his suit jacket.Â
The slit is seeping and you waste little time by pressing your tongue against it.Â
âDo you know how sexy it was? Watching you throw that man for me?â you whisper with your lips pressed to his shaft. You flatten your tongue against the hot skin, dragging it upward to lick at his pink head again. âI love it when you get protective.âÂ
âUh-huh.â Clark whines as his head falls back. His fingers curl around the air in front of him; knowing he cannot touch you as it would ruin the look your team had spent hours perfecting for this premiere.Â
âWe have to be quick, okay?âÂ
Clark squeezes his eyes shut. âHoney, I wonât last long. I promise.âÂ
You hum before taking him into your mouth. One hand at the base of his cock, you begin to pump him into your mouthâthe other hand balancing against his muscular thigh. Easing him inch by inch, you feel him twitch against your tongue until the tip of his head is close to the back of your throat.Â
Clark bites down on a knuckle to muffle the guttural moan he lets out. He peels one eye open to see you begin to bob your head back and forth, saliva gathering around his shaft, making it as a substitute for lube as you jerk him off with your hand.
You take a second to look up at him, eyes gleaming with your mouth stuffed full. Clark feels his hips shift, and you whine with pleasure as he begins to gently thrust into your mouth.Â
âJust like that, honey.â he grunts, âYou are doing so well.âÂ
âMhm.â you mumble, sending vibrations all the way to his tight balls. Your eyes shift to the clock on the wall behind Clarkâs head.Â
8 minutes.
You pick up the pace, gagging each time Clarkâs tip hits the back of your throat. You let him use you, relaxing your mouth as he desperately ruts into you, chasing his climax. Both hands are now curled around his thighs to keep you in place, eyes watering, the room now filling with the ambient noises of Clark sloppily fucking your mouth.Â
Clark is verbalising his pleasure in babbles, ensuring that youâre comfortable with the pace heâs thrusting into your mouth at. He can feel the coil tighten in his stomach as he attempts to push back the worry from being caught by your publicistâor anyone who takes a moment to take a peek into the room.Â
âHoney, IâmâIâm close.â he whimpers pathetically. His cheeks are rosy, sweat clinging to his fallen curls. âShould I cum in my hand?âÂ
You shake your head.Â
âIn your mouth?â you nod and Clark feels the explicit word on the tip of his tongue, âFuck. I love you.âÂ
His words go straight to your core.Â
With his thrusts beginning to stutter and you brace yourself as he punches his cock into your throat. Clarkâs whole body tenses up, his hands coming to clamp over his mouth as he releases hot ropes onto your tongue and down your throat.Â
Some of it spills out from the corners of your mouth, and you swallow as much of it as you can whilst Clark pulses against your tongue.Â
You look up to see his chest heaving, teeth marks bitten into the skin of his hand.Â
After thirty seconds of him slowly softening, you release him from your mouth with a quiet pop. Satisfied, you grin up at him, chin wet with a sheen of your own salvia.Â
Clark wipes it with his thumb, bringing it to his mouth to taste.Â
You stand from your knees and press a wet kiss against his pink lips. âDid I get the message across?âÂ
âLoud and clear.âÂ
You laugh softly as Clark bends to pull his trousers back up. âAnd with five minutes to spare. Thatâs a record.âÂ
âYesâWell, considering the circumstances. We got lucky.â Clark grumbles, feeling hot with a newfound embarrassment.Â
As you begin to retort a smart-mouthed comment, a handful of knocks in a recognisable sequence hit against the other side of the door. You both straighten as the door opens to reveal your publicistâneither of you acting any sort of casual.Â
She speaks as you both shift on your feet, âTheyâre rounding up everyone now.âÂ
âOkay.â you smooth the front of your dress and let out a sigh whilst feigning innocence to the dressing room escapades you had just partaken in.Â
She looks you up and down as you approach. ââŠWe need to fix your makeup.âÂ
Clark barely manages to conceal the striking shade of red that covers the entirety of his face.Â
Grateful for his tinted sunglasses, Clark doesnât look the woman in the eye for the rest of the night.
hi Mae!! I just have to say I loved the peter aftercare oneshot sooo much! I swear you are like the queen of soft smut, which sounds so hilarious but it really is true! you just absolutely have mastered writing things that are so comfy while still being equally so steamy that I'm just always melting into a puddle.
anyways I have a request (if you like it) for peter, specifically roommate peter and reader where one of them is getting up in the middle of the night to go to their kitchen for water, or because they can't sleep, or had a dream, and the other is already there. maybe there's been some previous tension between them or something or other, and things get smuttyyy in the kitchen, what do we think!
Thanks so much, angel!
cw: pg-13 smut (mdni please)
roommate!peter parker x fem!reader ⥠1.1k words
Peter appears in the kitchen like a mirage. Damp hair, a loose sweatshirt, silent footsteps that falter when he finds you leaning against the counter with your glass of water. His eyebrows go up.
"Uh, hey."
"Hi," you say back, startled too and lightly mortified to have come across Peter in the apartment you share with him. "Did you just shower?"
"Yeah." Peter reaches past you, and the kitchen is illuminated for a moment in white light from the fridge. He grabs a takeout container. "Yeah, I went for a run, so."
You wrinkle your nose, as much at the idea of running as doing it at two in the morning. You didn't even hear him leave.
Peter grins at your face. "Are you just standing here in the dark?" he teases.
You shrug. There's enough light coming in from the windows for you to see with. "I didn't feel like turning anything on."
"How long have you been up?"
"Just a few minutes." Peter nods, twirling a fork before bringing it to his mouth. You don't know what compels you to go on. "I had a dream."
He frowns. "A bad dream?" he asks through a mouthful.
Heat flushes through you. "Not really."
You woke with your heart in your throat and an urgent ache between your legs, blurred recollections of brown eyes and your name uttered by a familiar voice already fading. You wanted to fall back asleep and see if you could find your way back to the dream. You forced yourself to get up and find a glass of water instead to cool you down.
The corporeal Peter is looking at you strangely, so you try to clarify. "It was justâŠweird."
He hums. You feel it like a frisson through you, and take another sip of your water.
"So, um, why did you decide to go on a run now?"
Peter shrugs, the corners of his mouth lifting self-deprecatingly. "It's cooler at night."
"More dangerous, too."
"Well, I've been told a key quality in any real runner is masochism."
You laugh. Peter's smile widens in response, but you see it flicker at the edges when his gaze drops lower. You follow it, and stiffen. Your nipples are raised and showing through the tank top you wore to bed.
"Who was in your dream?"
You blink, your breath catching. "Huh?"
Peter smiles, but there's something behind it. "I'm just wondering. You don't have to tell me."
You think he knows. And the thing is, you can't even say he's arrogant for having guessed. Something has shifted between you and Peter lately. You don't know how, but you know you've both noticed it. It can't just be you. It's too obvious.
You look at the takeout container in his hand and do your best to ignore the self-conscious prickle going down your neck. "I don't mean to dream about anyone," you mumble.
"Hey, I know." Peter's voice drops into a more sympathetic register. "I get that. It's not like you do it on purpose." He drops his finished takeout in the trash, leaning against the counter next to you. "It's the unconscious mind, you can't help it."
"It's still embarrassing."
"That depends on who it's about," he says lightly.
You lift your eyes, giving Peter a despairing look. His expression sobers. "Don't make me say it."
"Okay," he murmurs, gently now. "It's okay."
His hand finds your arm, squeezing up the length of it to your shoulder. You burn silently. You think maybe Peterâs cheeks deepen in color, but he doesn't look away. And so neither do you, letting him bare witness to your shame.
You watch as brown eyes, even lovelier when you're awake, soften in the low light. Peter is so close you think an inhale could close the distance.
"Hey," he says, nose nearly to your cheek.
Your heart beats in your mouth. "Yeah?"
"It's okay." His breath tickles your skin. "It really is. Was it a good dream?"
"Yeah." You can hardly hear yourself, but Peter seems to.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, it was nice."
"That's good. Nice, I mean. I'm glad." His lips tick, an almost self-conscious smile. "I think about you too, you know."
You inhale, and he's there, a whisper from you.
"This okay?" Peter whispers.
You nod, and he closes the distance.
It's a soft press of a kiss. Warm enough to melt into, but not hurried. Peter coaxes you to relax into him with nice, inviting kisses, stepping in front of you to hold you steady.
You reach behind you to set your glass of water on the counter. As soon as you're done, his hands are under your thighs, lifting you up beside it.
"Yeah?" he mumbles.
You exhale into his mouth, "Yeah."
Things heat slowly. You have the half-dizzy thought that you might keep from waking up longer if you draw it out, and whatever Peter's motives are he seems to be in agreement. You kiss until you've committed the shape of Peter's mouth to memory and you're beginning to think you really are going to fall asleep, and then Peter diverts his attention elsewhere.
You come instantly more awake as he puts his mouth to one of your nipples, sucking through the material of your tank top. Your legs clench around his waist. One of Peter's hands drops to your thigh, keeping it there.
"Jesus," you hiss.
"Nope, still me." The damp of his saliva begins seeping into your top. "I'm flattered, though."
You hold onto Peter's shoulders as he licks and teases at the bud, devoting himself thoroughly to one before moving to the other. It's then that you grow impatient, but when you start to pull up your top Peter pushes your hands away.
"Okay, okay," he says, like you're really in a hurry. "I've got it."
He says that, but then he doesn't do it quickly. Your tank top moves up inch by inch, Peter kissing every bare swatch of skin that gets revealed as he goes. Your chest is falling in discordant rhythm by the time he makes it back to where he started, a trail of spit going all the way down your abdomen. Peter bunches the fabric above your breasts with a look like Happy? and takes one into his mouth.
It's a thousand times worse than the dream. Everything is sharper, up to and including the ache between your legs, where Peter has nestled so comfortably you think it can't be half the torment for him that it is for you. He rubs up and down your thigh like he means to console you, only stoking the heat.
"Godâ" you keen.
"Still no."
"âPeterâ"
"There you go."
You shift your hips against him, and Peter moans, sucking you deeper into the wet heat of his mouth. When his teeth press into your flesh, you think you whimper.
You pray to whoever will listen that you won't wake up this time.
Busy Woman ! â Jack Abbot
pairing â jack abbot x fem!reader
summary â jack has seen you leave a trail of broken hearts and bad dates, and heâs determined to prove to you that youâre looking for love in all the wrong places.
warnings â 12.6k words. age gap (jackâs around 50; readerâs a 4th year resident, so 20s), attending/resident power dynamic; mentor/mentee relationship, idiots in love maybe?? yearning!jack, jealous!jack, jack âiâll pay for itâ abbot strikes Again!!!! hurt + comfort (one instance of jack being an ass, but he smooths it over during the same shift - they canât stay mad at each other), mild angst, patient death, jackâs leg - reader helps him adjust the prosthetic and takes care of him during a long shift, canon-typical medical scenes and probably lots of inaccuracies (iâm an english major reddit is my best friend) ; on-page patient death, reader performing compressions, reader DATES DATES and may be unprofessional (affectionately she just wants to find love and her entire life revolves around the hospital who can blame her), readerâs written to have hair she brushes and can pin up, she also gets on her toes to kiss him but that can be ignored i just liked the image jack basically bribes her into a date, no smut but theyâre So very much thinking about it, rushed-ish ending i think?
notes â wrote this in a slump it took so Unbelievably long and iâm not even sure i like it but i wanted to post something before i give up on writing anything ever again!!!!
It was midnight and a peds nurse was lingering by the ambulance doors, and Jack knew that he wasnât meant to be there. Lewis was his name, maybe, but Jack couldnât even be sure of that â and knew he had no reason to be sure of it, because the guy wasnât meant to be there. Running the ER in the middle of the night, with all of the dayâs patients handed off, and the nightâs still finding their way through triage, was difficult in itself, and he didnât have the energy to also babysit Ryan-or-Lewis-or-whoever hovering there like a little boy waiting to be picked up from school.Â
âIs he meant to be here?â Jack asked, closing the space toward the desk where Lena was pointing something, jutting his thumb in the direction of the guy.Â
Lena flattened a printout on the desk with two fingers, hardly sparing him a glance.
âHim. Peds. Why is he there?â he tried again.
âCouldnât tell you,â she said, but the corner of her mouth had flicked up, proving that she was simply choosing not to tell him.Â
âHeâs off his unit,â he said. He knew he sounded just slightly silly stating the obvious.
âSeems so.â
âSend him back, then,â Jack drawled, incredulous, hands finding his hips. âThereâs enough shit going on here.â
âYou send him back,â she retorted, amused just slightly. âIf youâre so concerned.â
Jack looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head as his hands went to rest on his hips. When he looked back down, he found you walking toward the nurse and it suddenly made complete sense.Â
He let out a sigh. âThis has to be a joke.â
His eyes, as they did more often than was appropriate, caught on you, hair coming down loose from where youâd pinned it, the scrubs lopsided at one hip, riding lower than where theyâd started at the beginning of the night. You turned to say something to the guy quickly, and the movement caught the slip, your scrub top moving up half an inch, and Jackâs eyes went there before his brain could tell him that was wrong, some groove in him that noticed you before it noticed anything useful. He had a second of pure, unhelpful distraction before his brain reminded him that he was an attending and had things to do.Â
âI actually think itâs funny,â Lena said, shrugging.
Of course it had something to do with you. He shouldâve figured it out the second he saw the guy standing there with his hands in the pouch of his scrubs, rocking heel to toe like the floor was just too exciting to be standing on. Nobody loitered around the ambulance bay at midnight for good reason. People came through those doors bleeding or they didnât come through them at all, and this guy had shown up with nothing wrong with him, except maybe a case for some lovesickness.Â
âIâm gonna make this stop,â Jack said, already pushing himself away from the nurseâs station.
Lenaâs eyes widened slightly. âDonât say anything that gets you sat down with HR.â
âShe can goddamn try me,â he said, and went. Also because Jack was fairly sure you would never report him to HR.Â
He crossed the floor and caught the tail-end of your conversation as he closed in.
â â just tell me when youâre free, thatâs all Iâm asking,â the guy was saying.
You were already half-turned, already gone as you waved a hand loosely beside you. âI donât know, I just donât think we should try again.âÂ
Jack blew out a breath, standing a few feet short of you, your back facing him. Why was he not surprised? Heâd been keeping tally without meaning to, and he knew that was embarrassing. There was the radiology fellow whoâd started hand-delivering films that very well couldâve gone through the system; the travel nurse whoâd washed through in six weeks and left the floor faintly weird in his wake; the anaesthesia resident who now took the long way around the department if he saw you at the end of it, as though he were a dog whoâd learned the fence was electric. And now this one, apparently, Peds with his whole hopeful heart hanging out in Jackâs department.Â
âYouâre so sweet for coming down here,â you practically crooned at him, shifting on your heels, eyes flicking down to the form in your hand. âBut I really do have a whole long night ahead of me, and I know my answerâs not gonna change, so I wonât make you wait around for it, okay?âÂ
Jack fought the urge to roll his eyes when you said the words with the upward lilt of a woman sending a toddler back to his mother. He wanted to laugh a little when he saw that the guy had taken it standing up like it was a gift.Â
The hell of it was that Jack understood the man. He understood every last one of them because he stood next to you fifty hours a week, had been doing so for three years, and whatever the department thought of him after his consistent therapy, he was not carved out of stone.Â
Jack was afraid that if he hadnât been your attending these last four years and a little younger, wearing his heart on his sleeve, heâd have been eating out of the palm of your hand.Â
You gave the guy a there-there pat, and it was only then did his eyes land on Jack, who he probably knew was your fucking attending. You turned then, and immediately said, âOh, Dr. Abbot, Iâve got the guy in sixâs labs back, the potassium ââ
âMhm.â Jackâs hands came up and landed on your shoulders before youâd finished the sentence, squaring you off the spot where you stood and turning you bodily back toward the floor like you were a gurney.Â
âIt is four-point-nine, but the EKGâs good, so I was gonna recheck in ââÂ
âLetâs recheck it now,â he said. He kept you moving, his palms broad through the cotton of your scrubs, steering you a few feet till your own feet caught onto the idea.Â
You grumbled something under your breath, and once heâd stopped you right in front of six, you turned to face him with your brows raised.
âSay something?â he asked, tipping his chin down.
âYou seem like youâre mad at me,â you said.Â
âHuh. I do?â He let go of your shoulders â noticing, distantly, the exact second his hands came off and suddenly felt too empty â and reached past you to pluck sixâs chart off the tray, more to have something to do with them than needing it. âYouâre right. You should recheck in ten minutes.â
âYouâre mad at me,â you said again, crossing your arms over your chest.Â
He blew out a breath, and suddenly felt just a little silly at getting worked up over a nurse by the doors when there was a large, glowing board behind him full of names that needed his complete, undivided attention.Â
You were a senior resident, after all, four years deep, one of his sharpest â youâd treated the guy in six, hadnât you, youâd flagged it and called for the EKG and made the right call on the recheck before heâd even asked, all while dismantling some manâs hopes. Somehow, your mess and competence ran on the same current. You never let the first touch the second. Heâd have loved, some nights, to have an excuse to be mad â a missed lab, a blown line, anything he could write up and point at â and you kept declining to hand him one. All of this meant he was left with this vague swampy irritation, and Jack wasnât the sort of mentor who liked to hound upon that.Â
âNo, sweetheart, I just love it when you get random men hanging around the department,â he settled on saying, feeling his shoulders visibly loosen a fraction.
You winced, eyes darting over to the emptiness in front of the doors now. âSorry.âÂ
âYouâd say it wonât happen again, but we both know better.â He shrugged. Then, he reached out his hand â he wasnât sure why, except that it just happened naturally â and patted you once on the shoulder, then on the second turned you to face the curtains leading to your patient. âDoctor up.â
And you did, the loose, embarrassed shape of you being replaced in the space of a single breath, being replaced by something Jack had watched grow into you over the years and still hadnât quite gotten used to.Â
Trauma called it in nine minutes later, an MVC, unrestrained driver, GCS dropping in the field. Jack was working on a laceration in four when he heard the crackled warning, and by the time heâd looked up out the curtains, you were already moving, gowned and at the head of the bay calling out assignments like youâd been doing this for a decade.
âI need two units O-neg before he rolls in,â you said, voice pitched high enough to carry without yelling, cutting clean through the perpetual noise of the department. âSomebody get me a second eighteen-gauge ready, and I want an ultrasound in here.â
Donnie and Mateo were already moving, and so were the people around you, falling into your orbit like the room had easily reorganized itself around your voice the second it went up. Jack stood by the curtain, gloves from the lac still on, and found he couldnât make himself move just yet.
The doors banged open. EMS wheeled the stretcher through fast, calling out vitals over each other, and you were already on the patientâs side before the gurney had fully stopped moving, hands moving on his neck, chest, eyes scanning his pupils in a matter of ten seconds. He began walking over, catching your voice as you called out your reads as someone hung the blood and someone else prepped the ultrasound wand. âPage neuro now.â
âOn it,â Mateo said, already moving.
You had both hands on the patient, running the primary survey quickly, confirming, checking, discarding possibilities out in short, clipped sentences Jack recognized as the sound of your brain running six steps ahead of your mouth. Sweat had started on your hairline. You called out for OR to be on standby, eyes flickering around the room and landing on Jack. âOR, please,â you said, aimed at him, brows going up.Â
âOn it,â Jack said, because there was no way he was going to let you be wrong about needing something and didnât make sure you got it.
The next six minutes went by fast and loud, in bursts and then suddenly quiet, the room narrowing down on functionality. You stood at the center of it; you called it and ran it. You got the man upstairs stable enough that Walsh didnât sound worried for one second, and that was a compliment from her.Â
Jack watched the whole thing from four feet back, arms crossed, and chipping in when your brain had snagged. He was feeling a heat in his chest helplessly and entirely unprofessional, it was always present when he was able to see, in real-time, how far youâd come from your first day of residency when your hands were a second too slow on the central line and how your voice would pitch up at the end of every read, asking for permission every time instead of stating it like a fact, eyes finding him across the room each time, checking.
There was none of that left in you now, he realized, had done so a long time ago. He thought, watching you now, that this was the closest thing heâd let himself do to falling in years, standing uselessly riveted as he watched a woman heâd taught outgrow the need for him in real time, and finding that instead of the loss heâd expected to feel when the day finally came, all he felt was warm and terrifying and too much like pride.Â
When the room had started clearing out, he watched your mouth drop open as you let out a heavy breath, eyes going over to him. The second he watched you realize he was still there, your face shifted, the relief turning into something sharper.Â
âWhy didnât you jump in?â You crossed the floor toward him in four hard strides, gloves already peeled off and balled tight in one fist, snapping the second one free with a motion that looked terrifyingly like it wanted to be aimed at him. âHis pressure tanked for thirty seconds and you just watched.â
âYou had it.â
âYou didnât know that,â you said, voice going up an octave, adrenaline still thrumming through you, hands coming up the gesture at the blood-streaked floor. âI couldâve missed something. Youâre the attending, Jack, youâre supposed to catch if I missed something ââ
âI wouldâve,â he interrupted, stepping in close enough that you had to tilt your head back to keep glaring at him properly. âThe second you needed me, I wouldâve stepped in. I wasnât gonna take it from you before you did.âÂ
âYou canât gamble like that with a patient ââ Your chest was rising and falling fast, gloves now crushed in your fist, and he could see the fear catching up now that everything around you had gone quiet enough to let it, something that looked more like fear of yourself than for the patient. âWhat if Iâd frozen â?â
âI knew you wouldnât.â He reached his hand out, thumb catching a smear of the blood at your jaw youâd accidentally smeared on yourself, wiping it off carefully with the pad of his thumb, and felt you go still under it. âYou donât trust my judgement?â
âYou know I do. You just couldâve said something.â
âI couldâve. He dropped his hand from your jaw only to catch your wrist instead. âDidnât wanna interrupt you being brilliant. Kinda liked watching it happen.â
Your mouth opened, surely to let out some unnecessary retort, and died there when he pressed one slow stroke of his thumb against your wrist, raising a brow.Â
âRelax,â he said, voice going rough as he leaned in a little, forcing you to meet his eyes properly. âJust take the win. Thatâs an order.â
âNow you wanna give orders,â you mumbled.
He barked out a short laugh, letting go of your wrist. âOnly when youâre being stubborn for no reason.â  Â
It was sometime during the second year of your residency when heâd started catching your drift. It had started with a random Friday shift. Heâd seen you at the station, elbows on the counter, telling Lena something conspiratorially. Jack was meant to be reading a chart but couldnât help how his ears had perked up. Anything to get through the shift, he supposed.
â â no, but he was perfect on paper,â you were saying, âkept his house clean and everything. He told me he kept his plant alive for six years ââ
âSo, what happened?â Lena said flatly, like she already knew what you were going to say but wanted to hear anyway.Â
âHe wanted to take me bowling on the second date,â you said through a sigh. âI know how it sounds, but youâve gotta hear me out ââ
âIâm genuinely not going anywhere.â
â â for the first date, bowlingâs fun. But he took me to a nice dinner the first time, he set a standard, and then the second date he goes bowling, which means the effortâs already ââ You created a little downward slope with your hand. âAnd if itâs already sliding on date two, whereâs it at on date two hundred? I can already see my marriage with him and itâs bad.â
It seemed you had a criteria, Jack learned then. It was proven even more when heâd heard you talk about your other failed dates, seen them, and learned â without ever wanting to â what they were, to an extent.Â
He knew you couldnât stand a man who ordered for you without asking. He knew youâd written off a fellow for the way he talked about his mother, and another one â an accountant, a rare specimen who had no clue what an EKG was â over a text message youâd read aloud to Ellis in a voice of complete horror, though Jack had never caught what it actually said, only your face while you read it. He knew you gave people precisely three dates, that this was a rule you held if the first and second date went well, three apparently being the magic number at which a person could no longer hide the demon they were going to turn out to be (your words).
He knew, too, that you only allowed one kiss after the first date, if even that. It was never up for negotiation, no matter how beautifully the night had gone, for you never wanted to end up âemotionally overdrawn on an account you hadnât even opened yet.â
He knew you a man lost real points if, over the three dates, if it involved drinks, he ordered the same one. He knew a man gained them, silently and instantly, for being able to sit in a lull without narrating his way out of it, and that you considered this the single rarest trait in modern dating.
He knew you were looking for something you had no name for and would recognize on sight, which struck him as a hell of a way to run a search.
Heâd have told you, if you asked, that he tuned most of the station chatter out as a matter of survival, for while he enjoyed the occasional gossip, he couldnât very well absorb everyoneâs business. And that was true about everyoneâs business but yours, apparently, because yours came in clear.
Your business he retained against his own better judgement, and he realized â once, during a slow shift â that he couldâve drawn you a better map of your taste than you seemed to carry yourself. He couldâve told you, if you asked, exactly the kind of man whoâd finally clear your bar, and exactly why he had yet to show up.Â
It was almost nice, some nights, watching you try anyway. The ER was a place where everyone was kept tethered to the world by a thread, and everyone who worked in it long enough to develop some version of the same calluses. Jack had grown his years ago, and he wore them invisible, occasionally aching, and had come to terms with it being permanent.
Love, for Jack, had stopped being a real noun before youâd shown up, somewhere between things he used to want and things heâd decided werenât for him anymore.
You still believed in it. Youâd watched this place take everything soft out of grown men twice your seniority and somehow walked through the same fire hopeful, still convinced, against every scrap of evidence, that somewhere there was a person worth all that hoping.
For that reason, he had decided to not interrupt your endeavors, not until now, when he noticed you during hand-off before your night shift with him started, in front of Robby, of all people.Â
While Jack loved Robby like a brother, he had a documented, department-wide, actuarially reliable seven-week expiration date on every woman he charmed out of this building. Heâd heard intra-departmental gossip about him. There was, Jack was fairly sure, a running joke about it that predated your residency by years.Â
He knew you definitely were not finding love in his best friend. But Jack felt the buzzing in his mind go quiet and mean watching how you with him.
You laughed at something and Jack lost, for one humiliating second, the thread of what heâd walked over to say. It happened sometimes, more than heâd admit to anyone. Ordinary noises out of you hit him somewhere in his chest before the better part of him flagged it as a problem, and he had to physically clear his throat before finding his footing again.Â
â â Italianâs always good after pulling a double,â Robby was saying. âBut I do love some microwave ramen, too, when Iâm missing my med student days.âÂ
âOh, so your standards have been raised being chief?â you said, and Jack could hear the smile and wariness in it.Â
âFor sure ââ
Jack let out a huff, something resembling a laugh, as his feet planted him between the two of you. He was close enough that his shoulder nudged yours and you had to step back to keep your balance. He felt your weight land for a second against him with a satisfaction he had no, absolutely no business feeling for something so small. So childish.
He turned to Robby, spreading his hands wide, mock outrage. âMy resident.â
Robby looked mildly amused, unbothered, so Jack added, before he could respond, âGo home before I report you to HR.â
âYouâd do that to me?âÂ
âIn a heartbeat. Have some shame.â Jack kept his shoulder where it was still angled half in front of you, an old, unexamined instinct keeping the line drawn even though Robby had already backed off.
He tipped his head toward the doors, toward the gold light coming up in them, the day shift draining out around you both. âThereâs a whole rich life waitinâ for you out there.â
Robby just smiled and pushed off the counter, giving you a small wave before he left.
Jack turned to you then, brows furrowed. âSeriously?â
You let out a short laugh. âWork hard, play hard?âÂ
âSoundinâ a lot like a frat brother right now. Never have those words been said in an ER,â Jack said.Â
âI wasnât actually going to do it,â you said, rushing the words out with something more honest in them. âFor the record. I know what â heâs got a reputation.â You picked at the counter. âI was just talking to him. Heâs funny.â
Jack had to recalibrate for a second. âYou were talkinâ sweet to him.âÂ
âI talk sweet to everyone.â You lifted a shoulder, completely unbothered. âYou should try it sometime.â
He rolled his eyes at that. He reached over for your cup of coffee sitting between you â closer to his elbow than yours â and drank a sip, eyes going up to the ceiling at the sheer volume of syrup youâd decided you needed in your bloodstream today. âThe hell?â he muttered, turning the cup slightly as if that would help. âAre you trying to embalm yourself?â
âGive it back.â
âIn a minute.â He took a second sip, slower this time, and watched you over the rim of the cup. Then, he set it back a few degrees off how youâd had it, just to see your jaw tick.
You pulled the cup back in, thumbed it around until the lid faced you again, and drank from it without breaking your explanation. âIâm offended you think Iâll get wine and dined by the chief attending.â You tilted your head. âGive me some credit here. I wonât be his seven weeks.â
âHuh.â He rubbed the back of his neck, which was warm. âWell, good. Donât think heâll clear your bar anyway.â
âSee, you get it,â you said, pointing a finger at him. âAt least someone around here does.âÂ
âYes, maâam,â he said, tipping his head slightly forward that even he hadnât realized that he had shifted the distance just slightly. âBetter than most.â
Your eyes widened slightly at that, and Jack took that as his cue to step back, clear his throat, as he jerked his chin toward the board.
âAlright, time to work. Stop the play,â he said, trying to get his voice the right level. âGo look at chest pain on three.â
âSo bossy,â you said, but you were already turning around to go to three.
Well, thatâs what he was, wasnât he? For some reason, he had to remind himself that.Â
It was what he had to remind himself as his hands hovered your trembling ones as you tried to pump air into Mrs. Foleyâs lungs, knowing she was already gone â had been for a while now, if he was honest â longer than it took you to admit. He knew it, heâd grown the grim ability to recognize when a body stopped being a patient and being someone you were performing compressions on for the familyâs sake, for your own need to have done everything.Â
Heâd let it run anyway, because you hadnât accepted it yet, and heâd wanted to give you that extra minute to arrive at it on your own.Â
Mateo had come up to Jackâs side, snapping his gloves off, the sound of it overshadowed by your own heaving.Â
âShe has to call it,â he murmured. âYou want me to ââ
âNo.â Jackâs eyes, he felt, could not move away from your distress. âIâve got her.âÂ
Mateo looked at him for a moment longer than the moment warranted, and then he stepped back and let Jack be. You were still going, your compressions had gone harder, faster, less like genuine medicine and more like you were pleading with Mrs. Foley herself now. Sweat had gone to the hair at your temple. Your jaw was set in a clench Jack recognized all too well, and for a moment, Jack wished that he didnât have to be so acutely tuned into watching what the job did to others, the same way it did to him.Â
He stepped in behind your shoulder, close, and brought his hand down over yours where they were locked on the old womanâs chest.
âLook at the clock,â he said quietly into your ear.
âOne more round ââÂ
âYouâve done plenty.â He pressed, gently, until your hands stilled under his, and felt your entire body resist it. âYou know she was gone before we couldâve even done anything ââ
âSheâs been my patient for years ââÂ
Jack knew then that while you may have been an excellent doctor, his senior resident that had bloomed under his mentorship but still couldâve gone without him and done just the same, it wasnât a good feeling to wonder if the job would dim you the way it had him.Â
âI know.â He kept his hands over yours with enough pressure so as to not let you drive them down again. âThatâs why itâs yours to call. But youâve gotta call it, Doctor.â
Your breath hitched as you turned your neck to face him, and there was a pool brimming on your lashline that you kept at bay, nodding. Your hands under his stopped straining upward, and he felt the exact second you accepted it, for it moved through your shoulders and down your spine and left you a little smaller standing there, the fight trickling into the moment after, which Jack always thought was worse.Â
âTime of death,â you said, forcing your voice back into the procedural tone, âoh-three-forty-one.â You peeled your gloves off finger-by-finger.
His hand found the small of your back after taking the minute, leading you to the little family consult room with the boxed tissues and fake ficus with a couch that had absorbed more bad news since longer than you or he had worked there. He shut the door with the flat of his hand and let the floorâs noise cut to a hum through the drywall.Â
You stood in the middle of the room with your arms crossed, holding yourself, and stayed silent.Â
Jack propped himself against the table, arms folded, as he breathed out a small sigh through his nose. He knew you werenât a talker after the bad ones. Some residents came out of a loss with their mouths running, narrating it into something survivable, and some went quiet and small and had to be waited out, and you were the second kind. So he waited.
You broke it eventually, like he always knew you would have. âIâve got a butterscotch she gave me seven months ago in my locker still,â you murmured, craning your neck so you were looking at the ceiling. You wiped under your eyes with the heel of your hand roughly.Â
âThink Iâve got one, too,â he murmured, wincing as he tried to shift his weight.Â
It had been building up for the past few hours, a hot ring of wrong down below the knee where the socket had gone slick and furnace-warm because it was past hour fourteen, when heâd sweated the fit and never changed the liner because thereâd been no window that wasnât already accounted for. He shifted his weight off it, trying again, and reached down to thumb the release, breaking the seal.Â
He let out a short, punched out sigh as he pulled himself down onto the chair behind him, one hand balancing himself on the table. âSorry,â he gruffed out, jaw clenching.Â
Your eyes flickered down to the prosthetic limb he was balancing against the pole of the table and you were already moving before he could finish apologizing. You never asked if he needed a hand. Youâd learned sometime during your second year that asking him gave him a chance to say no, and youâd quit handing him that chance sometime during your second year, so now you just came. You went down on one knee at the pole of the table.
âDonât say sorry,â you mumbled, eyes not meeting him.
His jaw stayed tight and he didnât fight it, fight you. That was a formality and you both knew it, a thing he did with his shoulders and not his hands, but he watched the top of your head and thought â like he always did, each time, and never said out loud â there was no one else on godâs green earth heâd let do this in the way you did. Not the prosthetist, who did it clinically. Not the VA, who did it tired. You did it each time like it was nothing and everything at once, as though this something not worth remarking on.Â
He very badly wanted to thank you, despite how small he always felt when you did this. He wanted to tell you that you were, without question, better at this than anyone who was paid to do it.
Your fingers found the socket and went for the liner because you knew the fit went bad and the sweat before it went bad anywhere a person could see, knew heâd have to run it slick and furnace-hot than spend the fourteen minutes off the floor. You rolled it back with the flat of your thumb, easing the trapped heat out of it, and he felt the pressure of the ring of raw below his knee and had to clench his jaw to not let the relief show on his face. You spared him anyway by keeping your eyes down where theyâd been.
âYouâll strip your skin doing this,â you said conversationally, the roughness still present in your voice from the code. âYou know that. You keep running it past twelve and one of these nights itâs cellulitis and Iâm admitting you.âÂ
âIf only I could be so lucky.â
He ducked his head slightly, a part of him wanting to catch the reaction, and he saw how one corner of your lip was barely turned up.Â
You thumbed a line of red where the socketâs edge had bitten in, checking it, and your touch went careful around there. âThis is new. The edge is catching higher than it was.â
âWent to a new liner last month,â he said, voice low. âNot broke in yet.âÂ
âThen you break it on your days off. Not on a fourteen hour.â You finally looked up at him, shaking your head with this flat, fond expression heâd come to realize was your favorite way to look at him. âYouâd write me up for less.âÂ
âIâd write you up for a lot less,â he agreed, thinking back on the time youâd fought him tooth-and-nail over staying through a migraine, refusing, point-blank, to hand off a soft rule-out chest pain at eleven when the migraine had started very visibly began creeping up on you.Â
Heâd caught you before youâd said a word about it because youâd begun squinting at the numbers and pressed the heel of your hand against one eye for a moment too long between patients, thinking nobody was watching. He was, he realized, always watching you in some way.
âGo home,â heâd said quietly, catching you by the elbow outside the curtain. âThatâs not a request.â
âIâm fine.â
âYouâve got a migraine.â
âIâve got a job.â Your jaw had clenched, stubbornly, and Jack had thought that even if heâd put all his strength into it, he wouldnât have been able to unclench it for you. âIâm not handing off a chest pain because my head hurts. This guy has waited long enough for a bed. Iâm not the priority here.â
Heâd wanted to tell you that you were, actually, that you were exactly the priority, and watching you white-knuckle forms with your pupils blown different sizes from pain scared him more than any board full of critical pains ever had. But heâd just pulled down the light two notches, told the nurses to shadow elevenâs discharge, and put a bottle of water and two Tylenol on your desk without a word. And thank god, youâd taken the Tylenol and finished the shift standing up because sitting made the room tilt worse, and only taken on non-critical cases. Youâd refused until the end that you shouldâve gone home three hours earlier. Â
Now, you huffed something that was nearly a laugh, your first real once since the code, and went back to setting. And Jack sat there with his arms crossed in the dark with your hands on the worst-guarded part of him and the door shut against the whole floor, and thought about how he believed nobody deserved you. People were vile and sucked and cut in line and let doors swing shut behind them, and you handed out three dates to men who wrote sonnets in your voicemail and couldnât clear a bar youâd never once lowered for anyone. Heâd thought, more nights than he liked to admit, that these people had no idea what they were auditioning for.Â
His eyes snagged on you because there was nothing else in this small room worth looking at. There was still salt dried in your lashline from the code. You were a wreck and you were fixing his leg anyway, still half-shaking from a woman you couldnât save, and it hadnât occurred to you to stop and put yourself back together first. It never did. Jack had seen the care run out of you before you ever decided to spend it.Â
âIâm sorry about Mrs. Foley,â he said.
You shook your head, face still angled down, thumb pausing mid-motion. âIâll be okay,â you murmured, lifting up one shoulder. âI just hate that she couldnât get here sooner.â
âYou did nothing wrong,â he said plainly. âFamily said sheâs been feeling off for two days now.â
âI know.â Your voice cracked, betraying the flatness you were trying to present. âDoesnât make it easier.â
You lifted your head for a moment, then, looking at him with a sad smile he knew you were painting on to get him to stop talking.
He nodded stiffly, tipping his chin down. âAlright. Finish my leg and weâll run this floor together.â
Up in radiology a few nights later, Jack had gone himself to sort out a reading that had been sitting long and heâd cornered a tech and got what he needed and was already halfway out the door, jacket sleeves still rolled from the last set of compressions, when he saw the guy standing off by the light boxes.Â
Younger. A resident, he supposed, in scrubs a size too crisp for someone whoâd actually been on the shift long enough to earn wrinkles in them. Heâd been watching Jack the whole time â Jack could feel it, the itch of being observed â shifting his weight heel to toe against the linoleum floor.Â
âSomethinâ on my face?â Jack said flatly because he really did have to get back to the floor.
âYouâre â sorry, youâre Dr. Abbot, right?â
âLast I checked.âÂ
The guyâs hand came out of his jacketâs pocket, and there was a piece of folded paper in it. Jack looked at it like it was a spider, hoping â no, praying â it had something to do with work.
âCould you give this to her?â the guy asked, and Jackâs hope died, as he stepped closer. âThe senior resident on your shift. Sheâll â sheâll know who itâs from.â
âYouâve got to be kidding me,â Jack murmured, brows pulling in together. âYou ever heard of texting, kid?âÂ
âI did,â he said, and Jack could practically feel the heat radiating off of him. âShe stopped answering, so I figured, maybe on paper, sheâd actually ââ
âTake the hint,â Jack grumbled, snatching the paper out of his hand. Then, as he turned to the door, he said, âYou know I work in the ER?â When the guy only nodded quickly, he added, âYou know she works in the ER?âÂ
âI â yeah. Obviously.â
âThen you know she doesnât need this.â He held up the paper between him and the guy. âSheâs got enough on her plate without some guy too chicken to call her handing me a note like Iâm her mailman.â
The guy opened his mouth, nose scrunching at Jackâs words, but nothing came out.Â
âYeah.â Jack was already walking, note tucked in his pocket, done with the conversation. âTry calling next time. Or donât.âÂ
The guy looked at least a little sheepish, a little ashamed, and Jack thought good, he should feel ashamed. He wasnât sure what the protocol in dating was now â heâd been just a little rusty and out of the stretch for a stretch of years he preferred not to count in single digits â but he was fairly certain that whatever the rules had curdled up to, this could not possibly be inside them.
He rode the elevator down with the note in his pockets, and he could feel the small stiff square of another manâs hope pressing over the outside of his thigh.Â
He found you at your desk, hands running restlessly through your hair as you spoke into the microphone, charting. The words were coming out of you bluntly, mechanic and after saying the same variation a thousand times over. There was a pen behind your ear youâd forgotten about and the residue of a lab value gone blue across the back of your hand where youâd scrawled it hours ago and never washed off.
He stood there for a second before you noticed him, and thought â not for the first time and with the same low irritation he always felt about it â that he had no earthly business being the man this got routed to.
Jack leaned down so his head hovered beside yours, scanning your work on the screen, close enough that his shoulder nearly brushed yours, head tilted to read your screen at an angle that had nothing to do with actually needing to see it.Â
âThe man wants an espresso martini?â he asked, furrowing his brows as he read over your notes, right by your ear.Â
You jumped just slightly and swivelled on your stool to face him, then back at the screen. âShit â Jack. Announce yourself.â You scanned the words on your notes, shaking your head and already backspacing. âNo, that was me talking to myself. Stupid mic picked it up.â
âLong as itâs just the one,â he drawled, staying there in your space a little longer, watching the side of your face instead of the screen now. âThose things sneak up on you.â
âSpeaking from experience?â You turned on your stool to face him fully, chin tilting up to meet his eyes, something playful and a little challenging in it.Â
âIâve got a couple decades on you. Everythingâs snuck up on me.âÂ
You held his gaze a little longer, then looked away first, tongue coming out over your lips for a second. He took a small satisfaction in not being the one who blinked first.Â
He blew out a breath through his nose, remembering, with reluctance now, what heâd actually come here to do. âSpeaking of sneaking up.â He pulled out the note from his pocket. âI got something to deliver to you ââ
You furrowed your brows when he handed it to you. âSecret admirer?â you asked jokingly.Â
He barked out a short laugh. âNothinâ secret about it. You ignoring some radiology fellow?â
You grimaced, opening the note and scanning over the words quickly. He couldâve left, but stayed instead and watched you read it. The frown only pulled deeper, and he saw your eye twitch once as you scanned the words.
Against his better judgement, he murmured, âThat bad?âÂ
âUh â no, itâs okay.â You shrugged stiffly.Â
âHuh,â he breathed out, studying you outright now. âWonder what youâre doinâ to these guys to get them so wound up.â
You chuckled, mostly to yourself. âWouldnât you like to know.â Â
His chest tightened at that. It was unfair how you could make anything to him sound like something heâd been waiting to hear. He swallowed. âSuppose I would.â
âThat an offer, Dr. Abbot?âÂ
âMight be,â he said, shrugging one shoulder.Â
You laughed â surprised, the tension in your shoulders breaking slightly â and shook your head, folding the note back up. âYouâre ridiculous. Well, thank you for getting it to me. Iâm sorry he bothered you with this ââ You swivelled, placing the note on your desk before picking up your phone. âThatâs really weird.âÂ
âThatâs one word for it,â Jack said, and left it there, because youâd already turned and had your phone in one hand and the microphone in the other. The small furrow was back between your brows, and heâd learned there was a point past which pushing you got him a brighter, smaller version of whatever you were covering.Â
He drifted toward the far end of the station where Mateo was crouched at the crash cart running his palm along the drawers, checking seals, restocking and checking the fact of it on slower nights like this.Â
âShe okay?â Mateo asked, snapping the drawer, seemingly having caught the interaction.Â
âOh, you know.â Jack leaned a shoulder into the wall, arms crossing. âThe belle of our ball. Canât clock in without collecting a proposal.â
Mateo huffed. âShe loves love.â
âThat she does.â Jack watched you across the station, the phone lit against your ear now. âDonât know why she keeps doing that to herself, though.â
âSheâs an optimist.â Mateo clicked a seal into place, then moved down the cart. âThinks someoneâs gonna turn out different.â
Jack hummed, then, because the question had been sitting low and unlovely for a couple hours, he asked, âYou two give it a run ever?âÂ
Mateo turned his neck to look up at Jack. âMe and ââ He jutted his thumb behind him to vaguely gesture at you. âHer?â
âMhm.â Jack kept his eyes on you. âYouâre close.â
âNah.â Mateo went back to the cart, shaking his head as he chuckled softly. âI donât think Iâd pass a single one of her tests. Besides, I got my eye on someone.â
âApparently I donât make the list either, I guess,â Jack murmured.
Mateo laughed through his nose, eyeing Jack with something new now. âYou want to?âÂ
Jack caught it, reaching his palm and smacking it against Mateoâs curls with no force. âNo. Now, do your job.â
âI am ââ He laughed through the words, eyes scanning over Jackâs stiffened posture now. âItâs good you donât, then. Couldnât handle her anyway.âÂ
âSure, I could,â Jack said immediately.Â
Mateoâs head turned again, lips curving upwards at Jackâs words, and he felt momentarily blindsided by his own mouth, entirely too honest for something that had started as a joke.Â
âSure, you could,â Mateo teased, drawing out the words.
âShut it.â Jack grabbed a box of gloves off the cart and set it down two shelves lower than it needed to go, purely to do something with his hands that didnât involve reaching for Mateoâs collar. âWasnât a real question.â
Couldnât handle you? As if he didnât know, without having to think about it, that you took the stairs two at a time instead of the elevator when you were annoyed and needed somewhere to put your extra energy, or that youâd started drinking your coffee black on nights a patient reminded you of someone, syrup and cream abandoned, like sweetness felt wrong to have that shift. As if he hadnât noticed, months ago, that you hummed the same four off-key notes from a jingle neither you nor Jack could place when a chart was boring you to death, or that you double-checked every single IV line now, ever since one bad mistake in your first year. He could very well handle you, he simply hadnât been given the chance to do so.
Most of the time, Jack was fine with watching your love life play out in 3D. More often than not, he knew theyâd never work out. You were just too good for anyone who came sniffing, and there was a grim comfort in that, in knowing the fellows and the nurses would wash through and out and leave you exactly where he found you, three feet down the counter from him, close enough to keep.
Tonight the comfort wasnât coming. Mateoâs accidental interrogation had rubbed Jack wrongly, somewhere he had yet to fully locate yet, and was sitting in his chest like a splinter he kept forgetting was there until he turned the corner over the night, saw you, and noticed it was there. He shouldâve let it stay as nothing, but his brain had apparently decided three hours later was the correct time to relitigate the whole exchange, turning it over at odd intervals between patients like a tongue worrying a chipped tooth.
It was the bad sort of slow in the ER, the sort that let his brain fill up with things heâd have no time for on a real night. Ellis had wandered over to your desk with two energy drinks and placed her arms loosely beside your computer.
Jack was distantly aware he had misplaced labs to hand back to you because theyâd gotten lost in the system, and he told himself that was the whole reason his body had started moving in your direction.Â
âI got a rundown from Marge,â Ellis said, dropping into an empty stool beside you. âApparently he wrote it out of the OR.â
âYouâre joking,â you muttered. âI donât understand it.âÂ
Jack stood there with the labs in his hand, close enough to hear it.Â
âIâm still wondering if I should respond,â you were saying, half into your hands. âIs this romantic? This oneâs never happened before.â
Ellis laughed slightly with you, and the two of you had built one of those small pockets that slow nights sometimes allowed, thirty seconds of being people instead of clinicians.
Jack set the labs down at the edge of your keyboard harder than he meant to, the papers slapping flat against the desk, and both of you looked up at him like heâd grown two heads. Fuck â had he? It sure felt like he was operating off of whatever chemical cocktail his brain had whipped up for nights like this, some ugly little compound of jealousy and exhaustion. He was fairly sure if you pulled his labs right now theyâd look like a man in the middle of a bad reaction to something not yet figured out in the scientific world.Â
âLabs on eight got lost.â His palm stayed on the sheet for a few seconds too long, some instinct telling him to keep his hand on something solid before the rest of him did something stupid. âYouâll want to recheck the trop.âÂ
His eyes cut, against every ounce of better judgement he had left, to the note still folded in your hand, the same one heâd carried down like it was radioactive, the same note that had clearly done something for you that four years of Jack standing next to you clearly hadnât. An unreasonable, low feeling creeped up behind his ribs at the sight of it, hot and out of proportion to a piece of folded-fucking-paper.Â
Ellisâs smile went uncertain as he felt her gaze snag on him.Â
You blinked up at him, and whatever had been sitting easy in your face a second ago curdled itself away, the corners of your mouth retreating. He knew this same retreat, had watched you recalibrate your muscles, swiftly, built to be unreadable against anyone who hadnât spent four years learning your face.Â
His stomach dropped and heat climbed up the back of his neck, jaw tightening on its own. He hated that his body had learned to answer you the way it answered a motor alarm. He hated more that some raw, cornered part in him â still smarting about Mateoâs offhand comment and sore from that folded note â felt it wasnât soothed.
You blinked up at him, and the laugh faded off your face, and you said, easily, warm, âYeah â course. Iâll get right on that.â
He shrugged up one shoulder, lips pressing into a thin line. He turned, already walking away. âWhenever thereâs a gap on your social calendar, I guess.â
He heard the small silence that opened behind him, and he could practically imagine you and Ellis looking at each other. Then, he heard you push back from the desk, the stool wheels catching, and your footsteps coming after him like heâd known they would, because you were the last person to let something like that go.Â
âHey.â You fell into step beside him, voice pitched low, still giving him more benefit than the doubt had earned in the last ten seconds. âWhat was that about?â
âNothing.â He tilted his neck up slightly to do a quick scan of the board, some stubborn muscle in his neck refusing to let him meet your eyes. âGot a department to run.â
âAnd youâve been running it great. You just became weird right now.â He could feel you working it over beside him, shifting on your feet as you toed the line between resident and the hard-won territory neither of you had ever named. âJack.âÂ
âYou want to laugh about your shitty dates, thatâs your business,â he said instead of letting it go, sounding too far from the man whoâd had his hands hovering over yours an hour ago, watching you put in a chest tube, telling you that youâd done well. âDo it a little quieter. This is an ER, not a lunch table.â
His words stopped you for half a step. Jack kept walking, an ugly, cowardly momentum carrying him three more steps before you caught back up.
He heard you recalibrate your voice in real time when you said, âI was charting on a slow shift,â carefully. âYouâve made worse jokes when itâs even more busy. Whatâs this about?â
âItâs about you treating this place like itâs your dating pool and not your place of work.â The words came out much uglier than he meant, and he didnât have it in him to call them back. âItâs not professional. It reflects on the department. Reflects on me. Somebodyâs gotta say it, and apparently thatâs me, since you clearly enjoy it too much to stop.âÂ
You stopped walking altogether this time. He turned to face your stillness whole, then, and found your eyes narrowed at him, looking like youâd been hit from a direction you hadnât been completely guarding against.Â
He let out a breath, fingers going up to his forehead to wipe at sweat that wasnât there. âIâm just saying what ââ
âIâm sorry,â you said, voice going level and courteous, as you nodded quickly. âYouâre right. Youâre my attending, it reflects on you. Iâll keep my personal life out of work.âÂ
âThatâs not ââ he tried, but you were already turning away, shoulders squared and chin level, professional armor snapping into place just like heâd told you to. It should have made him feel better to watch you take it so cleanly, to not make a big deal out of it. All it made him feel was like something had been surgically removed from him.Â
âStop ââ he tried again, to your back now, and the sentence died somewhere between his teeth and the air. That was okay. There was no end to the sentence that didnât sound worse than the beginning anyway.Â
He blew out a sharp breath through his nose, standing in the middle of the floor with his hand still half-raised toward you, fingers curling back into his palm when he realized you werenât there to reach. Jack felt, distantly, uselessly, like the only thing standing still in the entire building.Â
âGreat going,â he heard Lena say, trailing past him, a tray tucked against her hip, not even breaking stride. âYou got rid of the one entertainment weâve got around here.â
His shoulders stiffened, and he caught up with her in three steps, jaw working around words that wanted to spill out defensively and came out simply tired. âItâs not entertainment if she keeps getting hurt,â he grumbled. âSheâs not a show. Stop treating her like one.âÂ
âDidnât look like she was the one getting hurt tonight,â she said, rounding a corner and leaving him standing there.
Jack let out a low groan, running a palm down the lower half of his face, and dropped his hand only when heâd scrubbed enough friction into his jaw to feel it sting a little, which was at least a sensation heâd chosen, at least tonight. He stood there a second longer, staring at nothing in particular. His hands found his hips on reflex.Â
âFuck,â he muttered to himself, and dragged both hands back through his hair, gripping once at the roots before letting go.Â
He rolled his neck, felt it pop unsatisfyingly, and pushed off the wall he hadnât even realized he was leaning against. His leg fucking ached, the burn starting behind his knee. He ignored it like he always did and started walking anyway, jaw still held tight, hands shoved deep into his pockets like he could physically hold himself together with the seams of his own black scrubs.
It was by the lockers after hand-off that Jack saw you next. Both of you had conveniently managed to work over-time; he because there was nothing to get home to, and you â heâd heard through the grapevine â because one of your patientâs little sister was coming in toward close, and you simply wanted to talk with her instead of handing the situation off to one of the day residents.
Usually, nobody had asked you to stay when you did. Most times, there was no version of staying that showed up in your favor; he and Shen were gone, so there was no attending grading you on it; no hours that counted. It was just for a kid who was going to get bad news from a face sheâd seen before, so you cost yourself hours of sleep you most definitely needed to be the soft spot for a strangerâs little sister, and hadnât mentioned it to a soul, and he knew you wouldâve been embarrassed if he brought it up.Â
He found you using the little mirror inside your locker to apply some kind of pink-tubed gloss with one hand while the other ran its fingers through your hair. Jack pursed his lips, eyeing you from the doorway, because he was pretty sure youâd done something different to it in the last ten minutes.Â
âLook nice,â he tried, biting the bullet and walking toward his own locker. âGoinâ somewhere?âÂ
You caught his eyes in the mirror instead of turning around. âJust breakfast,â you said, and there was none of the earlier lilt in it, the warmth that youâd always aimed at him gone functional. You capped the gloss with more force than it needed and dropped it into your bag.Â
Jack stood there a second too long with his hand over his own locker without opening it. Heâd expected â and he knew he was more optimistic than usual for doing so â your easy back-and-forth, his slip-up from earlier forgotten. He wasnât sure what to do with the quiet or you not looking at him properly, hairbrush working through your hair in short strokes.Â
Heâd saved around thirty lives tonight, and that was what he was good at. He was not good, and had never claimed to be good, at the aftermath of hurting a person heâd have put his own body between a stretcher and wall for, without meaning to, over something that had never been about the radiology fellow at all.Â
He opted out of opening his locker and chose instead to lean his bicep against the locker, eyeing you in front of him. âMad at me?â he murmured.Â
You let out a short breath, shaking your head, and he tracked all your micro-expressions through the mirror. âOn the clock?âÂ
âWell, weâve both been off it for a while now,â he said, watching the shape of your mouth in the mirror, waiting for it to give something away. It didnât. âBut no. Asking as your ââ He stopped himself, because âfriendâ seemed not to be the honest word though it was the first one that popped up. âOff the clock. Whatever I am to you right now.â
You set the hairbrush down on the little shelf with more care than the moment needed. âItâs okay, Jack,â you said, shaking your head.
âDonât think it is. Try again.â
You watched him for a second in the mirror, then you turned.Â
âItâs just embarrassing,â you said, and the words came out smaller than anything heâd heard out of you in years. You crossed your arms over your chest. âI respect you and I hate that youâd think for one second I donât take this place seriously.â Your voice cracked on the last word, just barely, and you pressed your lips together. âSo, yeah. Itâs embarrassing to have my attending confirming Iâm exactly what people think I am.â
He was shaking his head before you could even finish the sentence. âNobody thinks ââ
âYou do,â you said, voice rising slightly. âSo, off the clock, Iâm embarrassed, and tonight, Iâm going to be your resident. Because I agree with you. Itâs been unprofessional of me to keep dating within the hospital ââ You threw your arms up halfway by your side, and you let out a short laugh that came out dry and wrong. âAnd I hate that youâve probably been thinking it for four years.â
âI havenât,â he said too fast. God, heâd come here to make tonight better for you, not to make you re-evaluate all your years working with him. âSure, I thought it was none of my business how you spend your good nights off. Didnât stop me from thinking they didnât deserve âem.âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âYouâre just saying that now âcause you feel bad.â
âWish it were that simple,â he said, and chose to leave it unelaborated because it wasnât that simple and he had no intention of explaining exactly why. âHalf the time, you know itâs not gonna work out. Youâre breaking my heart by making me watch you break yours.âÂ
You blinked, and he watched the fight loosen out of you by inches. âItâs just a free breakfast, Jack. Nothing to get your heart broken over.âÂ
Jack let out a huff through his nose, mouth opening to say what, he didnât know. âIs that all? âCause I can get you free breakfast for the rest of your life.âÂ
You laughed, disbelieving, through your nose, some of the nightâs weight finally cracking off of you. âYouâve got a weird way of apologizing.âÂ
âJust to my favorite resident.â He pointed his index finger at you, lazy, and pushed himself off the lockers. His shoulder blades left a faint dust-print on the metal where heâd been leaning. He thumbed in the combination without looking at the dial â muscle memory, years of the same locker â and the door swung open with a rusted squeak. He pulled out his bag. âSo?âÂ
âSo what?âÂ
âYou ditch the fellow.â He slung the bag up over his shoulder, close enough now that he caught the tail-end of the perfume youâd lightly spritzed over yourself. âI buy.â
You looked at him for a second too long, lips pushing to one side, as though you were gauging whether this was a bit or not, another line heâd tossed and wanted to let die on its own. He stood there, jaw set and features relaxing to show you he did mean it, more than he wanted to admit, if he was being honest with himself.Â
âYouâre serious.âÂ
âDo I look like Iâm not?â He nodded once at your locker, your bag sitting on the shelf. âGrab your stuff. Weâre going.âÂ
âFine,â you said finally, reaching over and zipping your backpack all the way before throwing it over one shoulder. âCan you drive? Iâve been taking the subway.â
âWhy?â he asked drily. âYouâve got a car.â
Jack realized, as he watched you slide in across from him and folding both hands around the coffee before it was all the way poured, that heâd never once been on a date where the woman had no idea it was one.Â
It wasnât lost on him what that made him, a man old enough to know better, letting a thing be one thing on his side of the table and another thing entirely on yours, saying nothing to square the difference. But heâd meant what heâd said, and he was going to feed you.Â
You ordered a short stack, eggs, hash brown, decaf on loop. She wrote it down, definitely having heard worse from better.
âThanks for the treat, Jack,â you said when Dina left, bringing the rim of your cup to your lips. âDonât think I couldâve done another breakfast to let him down gently.â
âWe have to make some changes to your lifestyle,â Jack replied, voice rough, as he eyed you.Â
âOh, yeah?â you murmured. âWe?âÂ
âWell, I did have to deliver a note to you today. In all my life working here, thatâs never happened.âÂ
You laughed around the rim of your cup. âIn my defense, I donât think anyoneâs wrote me a note out of an OR either. Thatâs a first for both of us.â
âGlad we share the experience.â
Dina came by with a pot and topped you off without being asked, and placed the food in front of you. Jack watched you reach for the salt before your fork had even touched the eggs, shaking it twice over the plate.
âYouâre gonna give yourself a stroke by forty.â
âYouâre gonna give me a stroke right now if you comment on my food.â But you set the shaker down after the third shake, which he noticed and had to bite back a smile.
Dina dropped his plate in front of him â bacon, eggs, no pancakes â and you were reaching for it with a piece of your fork before sheâd even finished setting his fork down. He gave you a faux-frown, picking up his fork and, without looking, spreading a piece of your hashbrown off the opposite plate in trade. He wasnât sure when the two of you had started stealing bites and sips off of each otherâs stuff, only that itâd started somewhere and calcified into something neither of you mentioned.Â
âRude,â you said, mouth already full.
âLearned it from you,â he muttered, nudging his plate an inch closer to your side of the table, which you took full advantage of.Â
Dinaâs radio crackled through something twangy and close-to-familiar behind the counter, competing with the clatter of a skillet somewhere in the back, the whole place smelling like batter and grease soaked into decades of countertop, syrup that had dried a hundred small amber rings nobody had ever fully scrubbed off.Â
âIâve never been here before.â You absentmindedly cut the hashbrown in half as your eyes raked over the place. âThis a regular spot for you?â
âSince before you joined,â he said easily, but his brows furrowed as he realized heâd been coming here alone for years. He was in the same booth when he could get it, ordered the same order, and it struck to him only now, watching you eat your hashbrowns, how much smaller and less lonely a booth felt with you taking up the other half of it. âUsed to be the only quiet I got on some weeks.âÂ
You hummed. âAnd now?â
âGuess the quietâs pretty negotiable.â He shrugged. âI can go without it.â
You smiled down at your plate, something easy working at the corner of your mouth. A thread of syrup had gathered at the seam of your lips â you hadnât noticed, too busy considering his answer â and before heâd cleared the impulse with the rest of himself, his thumb was already moving, catching it at the corner quickly, no different than when he swiped under your lashline for salt after a bad night.
You stayed still, having gotten used to his hands somewhere during your residency.
âYouâre a mess,â he said, wiping his thumb off on the paper napkin folded under his elbow.Â
âYouâve got coffee on your scrub top,â you said, eyes flicking down to his chest. His brows furrowed and he looked down, and you were right. âPot, kettle.â
Heâd been about to say something else, he couldâve sworn it, but had lost every word of it watching you smile so unguarded, free enough to let him look at you. He had to reach for his coffee just to have something to do with his hands.Â
When the check came, folded in its little plastic tray, you both reached for it at once. Your hand landed flat over his knuckles. Neither of you moved it for a second, for his hand stayed exactly where it was, broad and unmoving under yours, and something unspoken passed through the two inches of fornica between your faces as he raised a brow at you. He slid the tray out from under you slowly.
âSaid Iâm buying,â he said, shaking his head slightly.
The drive back had been quieter than the one there had been. It was nearing ten in the morning, and he knew both of you had stayed up longer than intended, especially for two people who had to clock back in in a shorter amount of time than he deemed plausible to reset completely.
Heâd cracked the window down an inch, and the air coming through carried the smell of wet pavement and the sound of a garbage truck grinding its gears three streets over. Your neighborhood, he was learning, woke up slow; there was a paperboy on a bike, a guy in scrubs different from yours locking up his own car after a shift that wasnât at the PTMC, and Jack drove through it with two fingers loose over the wheel. Neither of you had bothered with the radio.
Youâd gone somewhere billowy around your third cup of decaf, all the sharp edges of the night replaced with something looser and sleepier, and you gave him directions in a voice gone thick from exhaustion as you were likely starting to feel it behind your eyes.Â
He pulled his car along the curb and let it idle, one shoe braced against the floorboard, watching the numbers of your building.
âGonna sleep?â he asked.
âGonna try.â You were already working the bag strap over your shoulder, hair falling loose out of the knot youâd put it up in at some point at the diner, strands of it catching the early light. âIâve got no idea how you do this then take SWAT calls.â
âYouâd be able to do it, too, if I put you on the field.âÂ
You mumbled something, letting your head drop against the window for a second, before picking itself back up. âStop threatening me, Jack.âÂ
He watched you fight your eyelids, his mouth pulling up at the corners at the sight. âCâmon. Get inside before I gotta carry you up.â
You snorted, half-hearted. âYou canât. Youâd throw your hip out.â
âTry me.â He was already rounding the hood before youâd gathered your bearings, boots loud on the quiet street, and you let out another laugh and let him get there first, too tired to argue about who gets to open what.
He walked you up the cracked path, palm settling at the small of your back, and you leaned back into it, half your weight given over without you noticing it.Â
At the door, you fumbled with your keys out from under a granola wrapper and a capless pen, missed the lock twice, and gave up trying on the third. You turned to face him instead with your back against the frame and your bag slowly sliding off one shoulder.
âThank you,â you said, words coming out loose and filtered by the exhaustion even as you tried to meet his eyes head-on. âFor the â everything. The explanation. And the breakfast.âÂ
Jack felt his lips curve up, fingers flexing at his sides. âAnytime.âÂ
âAnd for driving me there â thank you. And for the drive back.âÂ
âUh-huh. You gonna go inside?â he said, voice going quieter as he looked down at the ground, at how the toes of your shoes were almost touching. âOr keep thanking me until you fall asleep standing up?âÂ
You cocked your head to the side, your lips moving upwards into a fuller smile. His own mouth curved as he shifted on his feet slightly, closing the barely-there inch between his shoes and yours.Â
âJack?âÂ
He hummed, and you went up slightly onto your toes before heâd finished deciding what to do with you. Or maybe heâd moved in first, or maybe there was no real order to it at all. His mouth found yours somewhere in that uncertainty, slowly despite it, because heâd already worked out every version of this moment and this one had simply appeared in front of him.
His hand came up to cradle the side of your jaw, thumb settling into the soft hollow just beneath your ears. Your skin was warm despite the cold snap in the air, much softer than heâd let himself imagine, and he felt the exact second your breath caught against his mouth, a small stutter that made his fingers curve around your jaw, index resting against your cheekbone.Â
He kept it slow, it was the only thing he had any real control over right now, the pace of it instead of the fact of it. He used what little he had left, dragging his mouth against yours, like he could somehow make up for four years of nothing by refusing to rush the first thirty seconds of something. His other hand found your waist, and his palm felt how your back curved into him, the hitch of your ribs on an inhale, and he pressed you back the last inch against the doorframe more to ground himself.Â
Your fist found the front of his canvas jacket, dragging him in the last stubborn space heâd been too careful to close himself, and a sound came out of his chest that embarrassed him a little. He felt you smile against his mouth, and his entire body felt warm at having been caught enjoying this entirely as much as he was.Â
He tilted his head so his forehead pressed against yours and pulled his mouth away. His lips jutted out slightly, feeling suddenly empty and unwilling to put the full distance back between the two of you.
Your eyes were still shut, and you were breathing unevenly. âThank you,â you murmured.Â
He huffed a short laugh, and in it, realized how breathless he, too, was.Â
You tipped your chin back up, already chasing him.
Jack felt the want knot up inside him, greedy and unreasonably leaning back in to meet you halfway before the rest of him had caught up and made him stop. He made a small sound in his throat and pinched his eyes shut, letting you get right up to the edge of it, breath already tangling with his, wanting so badly to just let it happen, before his finger came up between you, pressed light against your bottom lip to stop you a hair short. It was more for his own sake than the words he remembered you telling someone years ago ringing in his head.
âAh-ah.â His voice came out rough with want, entirely at odds with his actions. âYour rule. Only one kiss after the first date. Iâm trying ââ he exhaled hard, almost dramatically, ââ trying real hard here to make it to the second.â
âHuh?â Your eyes peeled open. âThis was a date?âÂ
âBest one youâve had Iâm guessing, with the way youâre breaking your rules.â His finger stayed right where it was, and he watched your eyes struggle to focus, still glassy from the kiss. He could feel the warm huff of breath breaking unsteady against his fingertip, could feel your mouth soft and parted underneath it, waiting on him.Â
You pressed a peck against his finger instead, your mouth barely dragging against his skin as a shy smile formed behind it that he felt more than saw. âMaybe.â
âWell, good.â He smiled, despite himself, and pushed himself off your forehead, opting instead to press his lips there. âGet some sleep,â he murmured against your hairline, lips lingering a little longer there. âMight be able to get a full seven hours.âÂ
âWill you?âÂ
âDoubt it.â He pulled back enough to look at you properly, thumb tracing a line along your cheekbone â his touch feather-light, tracking the exact curve of it, memorizing the route â before he made himself drop his hand entirely, fingers curling loosely at his sides because suddenly he had no idea what to do with them without you under them. âKinda got a lot on my mind now.â
âYeah?â You bit back a smile, still not quite steady on your feet. âAnything you wanna share with the class?â
âNot a chance.â He bent a fraction and hooked two fingers under the strap of your bag where itâd slid down to your elbow, dragging it slowly back up to your shoulders, knuckles grazing your arms the whole way. âYouâll find out. Eventually.â
He forced himself to step off the mat â one step back, then the second, putting real distance between you now â forcing ease into his expression that he definitely wasnât feeling. He stopped a few feet away from you anyway, unable to fully commit to walking away, watching you stunned and still in your doorway, mouth a little kiss-soft. He felt so completely helpless and pleased at the sight. âText me when youâre up and Iâll get to planning date two.âÂ
You raised a hand into a wave, fingers curling in the air.
âBye, Jack,â you said, and his name came out of your mouth softer than you probably meant it to, smooth and cushy the way it never sounded on shift.
He lifted his chin up at you once and made himself turn, finally, finding the path back to his car. He made it to the curb before he looked back again, and you were still standing there, one hand braced on the door, watching him go with an expression he was sure he was going to think of the entire drive home.
i've got it -- jack abbot x fem!reader
Jack said "i'll pay for it" and i blacked out. here's this. (the gif is def brett richards but ignore that!)
Summary: A short trip to the ER one night spirals into an unlikely accidental sugar daddy relationship with a certain night shift attending that you never expected.
Warnings: SMUT mdni 18+ only!!, medical innaccuracies (never been to the ER for a mild allergic reaction so just <3 look past any mistakes), slight miscommunication trope, jack is WHIPPED from day 1, sugar daddy jack yes god, lots of complicated feelings abt money, reader is trying her damnest to still be independent, so much fluff, robby has his whimsy back in this, jack is trying his hardest to be Normal abt you (he is failing), oral f!recieving, fingering, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (and the crowd...cheers? wear a condom!)
WC: 16.5k (I SAID I BLACKED OUT)
The last place you expect to end up on your birthday is PTMCâs ER and yet, thatâs exactly where you sit.
For the record, you think youâre fine. Your friend thinks otherwise, hence the fact that youâre now at the ER and not still at the restaurant. At least she drove you here instead of calling an ambulance -- you do not have the money for that -- but she didnât stay with you. Which you kind of understand. ERâs arenât the best place to be, and itâs late and she has to work super early and you told her to leave.Â
You just also hadnât entirely expected her to go without any pushback, but what can you do?
Still, it just seems par for the course. The course being your entire life. Thereâs never any fight, no one ever really wants to stay. Itâs-- Well, youâd say it was weird if it wasnât your normal, everyday life.
But itâs fine. Again, youâre the one who told her she didnât need to stay and that you would be fine because you are fine. So, youâre having a little allergic reaction. So what? Itâs not like your throat is closing up or anything. Itâs just been like, sort of, itchy. And maybe you have hives. Maybe.
The ER isnât empty by any means, but there are empty chairs and in your ER experience, thatâs a rare and good sign. You hope it means this wonât take long at all, and that you arenât exactly high priority.
Until youâre called back before a lot of people who definitely checked in after you.
You go through the motions of triage, explaining whatâs wrong, insisting that youâre fine, but apparently the hives look bad and apparently the little cough you have might be a bad sign, because before you know it, youâre in a room of your own.
You huff, which turns into some coughing, and you grimace. Your throat does not feel great.
You donât have to wait long at all before the curtain pulls back so abruptly that you flinch, and then lock eyes with an absolute silver fox of a doctor. Suddenly your breathing issues have nothing to do with the alleged allergic reaction that you might be having.
âIâm Dr. Abbot, itâs nice to meet you, though Iâm really sorry itâs under these circumstances.â The corners of his lips quirk in a small smile when he turns to look at you. âWhat brings you in tonight?â
âUmâŠâ you swallow uncomfortably. âPossible allergic reaction?â
He raises an eyebrow. âPossible?â
âI donât have any allergies,â you say. âNot that I know of, anyway. But I was eating dinner and then my throat started to feel really scratchy and water wasnât helping it, and then like, apparently thereâs hives on my neck--â
âOkay,â Dr. Abbot listens intently, straightening up. âAre you having any trouble breathing now?â
You shake your head. âNo, my throat is still scratchy, but I can breathe fine, I just keep coughing a little because it feels like something is stuck.â
He nods. âOkay. Let me know if that changes, as soon as it changes. I donât care if you think it is, let me know. Okay?â
You nod this time. âOkay. Got it.â
âNow,â he smiles softly, walking to your bedside. âWhat was for dinner? And do you mind if I take a look at that rash you keep scratching at on your arm?â
You freeze, literally caught in the act, nails still digging into your forearm before you slowly move your hand away. âSorry.â
He shakes his head, sitting down on the stool beside your bed. âDonât apologize. Can I?â You nod and his fingertips touch your skin. âWhat was dinner?â
You explain what you had and at what restaurant, and Dr. Abbot listens. He lists some possible allergens, but that itâs impossible to really know. It could even be a case of cross-contamination, but since you donât know of any allergies in general, itâs hard to say what it could be exactly.
All the while heâs examining your skin, leaning so close you can feel his breath. His fingertips ghost over the hives, applying pressure here and there, which apparently tells him something, but what exactly, you have no idea.
âYou ever taken Benadryl before?â he asks, leaning back to look up at you.
You nod. âYeah, just when Iâm like deathly sick.â
He laughs. âGood. Iâm going to get one of my nurses to bring some in because you do have some pretty good hives on your neck, now making their way onto your arm here. The bad news is it absolutely looks like an allergic reaction of some kind, but the good news is it seems to be an extremely mild one. I am going to need to keep you for a couple hours to monitor you, make sure the Benadryl works and that your breathing doesnât change. Is that okay?â
You nod. Itâs not like you have anywhere else to be. âThatâs fine, yeah.â
âOkay,â he smiles, squeezing your hand once, and itâs only then that you realize you had begun to start scratching again.
Itâs also when you realize heâs wearing a goddamn wedding ring.
You wedge both of your hands under your thighs, looking away as you let out another small, âSorry.â
Even in your peripherals you can see he gives you a strange look before he shakes his head. All he says is âIâll be right backâ and then he disappears.
You lean your head back against the pillows and sigh, loudly. Which turns into a cough, but itâs small, and doesnât hurt anymore.
And then itâs like Dr. Abbot appears out of fucking nowhere, curtain flinging back, his eyes wide as he peers in. âAre you okay? Trouble breathing?â
âNo, sorry,â you lift your head, putting on what you hope is a reassuring smile. âIâm fine. I was justâŠâ
He watches you steadily for a moment. âOkay. Let me know if that changes.â
You nod again. âRoger that.â Why did you just say that?
He smirks as he leaves again, and this time you toss your head back into the pillows a little more aggressively.
You cannot look so flustered every time he speaks. Heâs married, for Christâs sake, and he is not flirting with you. He is your doctor.
You expect the next time the curtain opens for it to be a nurse with your Benadryl, but itâs Dr. Abbot yet again. He has a cup of water in one hand and the little packet of Benadryl in the other.
âAre you okay taking pills?â he asks, handing you the water, and you ignore the way your fingers brush.Â
âYeah,â you murmur, watching him as he sits down on the stool again. He definitely doesnât need to be the one giving you the medicine, let alone sitting down at your bedside to do it, but you donât call him out on it.
You take the two pills from him and swallow them with some water, feeling his gaze on you but keeping your eyes focused on the door. When you finish, you sneak a glance over at him, and heâs watching you. Still.
âGood.â He says it so softly that you almost donât hear it. âIâll come back in a bit to see how youâre doing, but if anything changes, you can press this button right here and itâll send a signal to the nursesâ hub. Let me know if you need anything else, okay?â
You nod, but he doesnât budge, so you add, âYeah, okay. Thank you.â
He pulls the curtain behind him as he leaves, and part of you wishes he had turned the lights off, too. Itâs late as hell and you were already tired to begin with from working as many extra shifts as you can get your hands on. The allergic reaction certainly isnât helping your tiredness.
It feels like barely any time passes before Dr. Abbot comes in to check on you again. It does seem odd, just how often heâs checking in, but maybe itâs a slow night. There were empty chairs, after all.
You sit silently as he checks your hives from his place on the stool. He hums a little as his fingertips ghost over your skin. You answer his questions about how youâre feeling. Better, less itchy, your throat doesnât hurt anymore. You blink slowly and Dr. Abbot notices, smiling at you, but this one is strangely soft.
âFeeling sleepy?â
âYeah,â you breathe. âSorry, forgot Benadryl hits me kinda hard.â
âThatâs okay, itâs normal,â he assures you. âDid you drive here?â
âNo, my friend dropped me off.â
His eyebrows furrow. âShe didnât stay?â
âShe has to work super early shifts,â you wave him off. âItâs fine, Iâll just Uber home orâŠor something.â Which is still not ideal because itâs money you donât want to spend, and maybe you could get your friend to come back and pick you up, but you donât want to wake her up if sheâs asleep already.
He eyes you warily. âWhy donât you sleep this off for a bit, and then weâll talk about getting you home. Okay?â
Youâre too tired to argue, honestly. You clearly havenât taken Benadryl in ages because itâs hitting you like a freight train right now.
You donât argue, but you do say, âAre you sure?â and Dr. Abbot just nods, patting your arm.
âYou stay put, Iâll come check in on you, but I want those hives to go down some more before you leave,â he says, which, you have no idea how this works, so this is probably typical protocol, who knows.
âOkay,â you shrug. âAs long as youâre sure.â
âIâm sure,â he smiles. âYouâll be okay here. Get some sleep.â
You donât need to be told twice.
+++
Youâre still sleeping soundly by the time six a.m. rolls around, which leads to a lot of questions, all directed at one Dr. Jack Abbot.
âSoâŠâ Robby leans onto the desk next to where Jack is charting. He showed up a bit early today for who knows what reason, but clearly one objective is getting on Jackâs nerves as soon as possible. âWant to tell me whatâs up with the patient in 12?â
âAllergic reaction, not sure what caused it,â Jack rattles off the usual descriptions necessary at handover, except he wonât be handing you over to anyone. âHer friend dropped her off.â
âSo youâre waiting for her friend to come get herâŠ?â Robby asks, eyebrows furrowed and head shaking.Â
âNo,â Jack says. Iâm taking her home, he wants to say, and nearly does, but he canât say that because he hasnât even asked you if you want that. You said youâd Uber, but you didnât exactly look like that idea appealed to you for some reason.Â
âJack,â Robby sighs. âWhat are you doing?â
âNothing,â Jack bites out, logging back on to triple check something that he definitely doesnât need to triple check. He knows he has a bad habit of getting attached to certain cases, but those cases are usually veterans and their families. NotâŠnot pretty young women who come in alone and insist theyâre fine when theyâre clearly on the cusp of anaphylactic shock (how you didnât end up in shock, Jack still doesnât know, but heâs glad you didnât get worse).
âSheâs a patient,â Robby says flatly. âSheâs your patient.â
âIâm not doing anything,â Jack repeats, eyes scanning over your file some more when his eyes lock on the date. Your birthday.
Your birthday was yesterday now, when you got here. You didnât mention anything about that.
Strange.
He logs off and turns to Robby. âIâve got her cleared for discharge and Iâm going to go let her know now. Happy, boss?â
Robby holds his hands up in mock surrender.
Jack turns and heads toward your room, well aware that he shouldnât have let you stay this long. Youâre taking up a bed that they probably need, but in his defense, this is the first time in a long time that there arenât any beds lining the walls when dayshift comes in. He counts it as a win. And justification that youâre fine to take up one bed. They still have the pedes room empty, anyway.
He knocks on the door before opening it, sliding the curtain back gently, remembering the way you flinched earlier.Â
âHey,â he says, smiling without thinking. Youâre awake and sitting up, which is a good sign. But youâre glaring at him. âHow are you doing?â
âWhy am I still here?â you ask, arms crossed over your chest. âYou were supposed to let me sleep off the Benadryl, not sleep through the night.â
He chuckles, grabbing the stool and wheeling it over so he can sit at the end of your bed, putting some distance between you this time. âBecause you clearly needed the rest. I came and checked on you every hour; you were out cold.â
You grumble something and then huff. âWell, I need to go, I have to work in likeâŠfour hours. So. Can I go?â
He doesnât like the idea of you working after a night in the ER, but he also knows he canât exactly tell you not to. Medically, youâre fine. âYeah, youâre free to go, thatâs what I was coming to tell you, actually.â
âGreat.â
He fucked this up. He doesnât know how, and heâs not sure why heâs even thinking that thereâs something to fuck up. Youâre his patient. But still, it feels like heâs ruined everything. Whatever everything is.
âUh, hereâs your paperwork,â he says awkwardly, handing over the sheets. âJust a review of what you were treated for and with what, and who saw you.â He pauses. âIf you need a note for work--â
âIâm fine,â you say, taking the papers. âThanks.â
âOkay,â he nods. âWell, if you--â How does he fix this? Why does he feel like thereâs something to fix? âIf you feel any worse again, come back, orâŠâ
You raise your eyebrows at him.
âOr if you just want a check up,â he says, hoping he doesnât sound as ridiculous as he feels. âYou can stop by any night.â
He hears your breath hitch and he graciously ignores it.Â
âThank you, Dr. Abbot,â you murmur.
He nods again. âNo problem. Iâll uhâŠlet you get out of here.â So I can do the same. And go crawl in a hole.
He leaves without another word, trusting that you can get yourself to the exit without him.Â
He finishes handover with Robby, welcomes the rest of the dayshift as they come waltzing in, and then he gets the hell out of there.Â
He almost goes to the roof, but thinks better of it. He grabs his stuff from his locker, shaking his head at himself the whole time. He leaves the ED through chairs like always, grimacing when he sees itâs filling back up already. Dayshift will have their hands full, no doubt.
Heâs just walking up the sidewalk to the parking deck where his truck is when he spots you. Still here. Sitting on a bench in the park across the street.
Jack doesnât think. He just looks, crosses the street, and walks right up to you.
Youâre looking down at your phone and muttering under your breath. He doesnât want to startle you, but thatâs probably inevitable. Still, he tries not to, and clears his throat to (hopefully) announce his presence loud enough.
It works. You lift your head and your wide eyes stare back at him. âOh. Hi.â
âHi,â he echoes. âEverything okay?â
You open your mouth and he can already see the Iâm fine forming around your lips. He expects it. He expects you to tell him to get lost, that heâs being a creep. But you donât.
You shut your mouth, roll your lips into your mouth, and sigh. âNo, my uhâŠMy friend works on the other side of the city, and I know her schedule so I know sheâs already halfway to work, so I canât ask her for a ride, so I was just going to Uber to my place, but my fucking-- The app keeps declining my card. Itâs never done that before, so Iâm trying to figure out what the fuck itâs doing, but it keeps saying itâs not accepted and--â
âIâll pay for it.â
You blink, his words forcing the rest of yours to die in your throat. âWhat?â
âI can pay for it,â he says again. Then adds, âIf thatâs okay with you.â
Your mind is clearly still stuttering, gears grinding to a halt, trying to catch up. âWhy?â
Jack canât help it, he laughs. âBecause youâre my patient and Iâd really recommend you get home soon and rest before your shift at work,â he says. He still doesnât want you to go to work. He wants you to show your boss the discharge paperwork and take the day off.Â
But, he realizes, maybe you canât afford to do that.
âHere,â he says, reaching in his pocket for his wallet. He produces one of his old credit cards, one that he hardly ever puts anything on aside from gas for his truck. He holds it out to you. âUse this one. See if itâll accept it.â
You blink again. After far too long of a pause, your hand reaches up and you take the card. âThank you.â
âItâs not a problem,â he says, shifting on his feet as he watches you put the information in. Some weird part of him hopes you save the card. Some weirder part of him wants you to take the card entirely.Â
But, of course, you donât do that. You put the information in, wait for it to process, and then you hand the card straight back to him.
The app accepts it. Your phone dings as a driver is found.
You breathe out a sigh of relief. âThank you,â you look up at him with a soft smile. âThank you so much, seriously. And Iâll delete the card after--â
âDonât worry about it,â he shakes his head. âConsider it a belated birthday gift.â
You hang your head at that with a small laugh. âThanks.â
He smiles again. âGet home safe, okay?â
He figures it might be a step too far and too weird to wait here with you until your ride shows, so he makes his exit.
But if he waits in his truck in the parking deck until he sees you get in your Uber, well, thatâs his business and his business only.
+++
How much variation can one have in their ramen? Itâs about all you can afford at the moment, so youâre trying to think of some things to add in to make it less pathetic andâŠrepetitive to eat every single day.
Youâve gotten some frozen edamame, and some cheap frozen gyozas, because why the fuck not. A poached egg would be nice, but eggs arenât exactly in the budget at the moment, so instead you stare wistfully at them as you pass by.
And thatâs your Big Mistake of the day, because instead of watching where the fuck youâre going, youâre looking at the eggs like theyâre your long lost husband. Which means you collide right into the person your delusional friend thinks is your long lost husband.
âOh my god, I am so sorry,â you blurt, your hands reaching out to steady Dr. Abbot just as heâs doing the exact same for you. Itâs a hilarious gesture on your part because he isnât the one who needs help staying on his feet. Youâre the one about to fall over.Â
âDr. Abbot,â you gasp, stepping away from him, your basket swinging on your arm. âWhat are you doing here?â
The question makes him pause and his lips quirk. âUmâŠbuying groceries? Is that allowed?â
Fucking duh. âYes! Sorry, I just meant-- Never mind.â You glance at his basket and see heâs put two steaks in and some butter, but nothing else. âWow, steak dinner,â you joke. âCelebrating something?â
You expect him to say yes, my wedding anniversary or something of the sort. Because heâs still wearing a ring-- because, of course he is. Why wouldnât he be? Itâs only been two weeks since you were in the ER. And itâs not like you know anything about his personal life, wife included.
He laughs, looking down at his basket like he forgot what heâs buying. âNo, not really, just craving steak. I sometimes have one after I work a double. As a reward, you know.â
âRight,â you nod, like you understand what he means. Like when you pull a double at your job, you do the exact same thing. Like you can afford to do that. âWell, enjoy.â
âI will, thank you,â he says. Then, he commits the highest form of treachery. He glances at your basket. âRamen?â he starts, then you see his brain register the other items. âFancy ramen?â
âGotta make it healthy somehow,â you joke.
He nods slowly, eyes cutting to the side at the eggs. You wonder if he noticed the way you were staring at them. âI sometimes do a fried egg with mine,â he comments. âAdds to it.â
âYup,â you say. âIt does.â But have you seen the fucking price of eggs right now? âAnyway, I should-- I need to get going, but um, enjoy your steak and days off, Iâm guessing.â
He accepts your abrupt end of the conversation with a humble nod. âWill do. Iâm glad to see youâre doing well.â
âYou too,â you say over your shoulder, making a beeline down a random aisle just to get away.
You end up down the cereal aisle which isnât such a bad idea. You have some milk left at home, but even if itâs gone bad, you can eat the dry cereal.Â
You stare at all of the boxes like theyâve personally offended you, wondering when these prices went up too. Maybe they havenât. Maybe youâre just dealing with a lot of extra expenses right now, and itâs fried your brain. Probably.
You grab the cheapest, off-brand bag you can see. Itâs ridiculous and massive and definitely meant for parents of four kids, but itâs cheap and itâll last you. So.
You wander aimlessly around the rest of the store, debating over some other snacks and food that you donât really need, but you do want. In the end, the not-needing wins, so you head for the checkouts.
The self-checkout is crammed for some stupid reason, so you pick a mostly empty line and hop in. You hate not using the self-checkout, but itâll have to do.
âI swear Iâm not following you,â a voice says from behind you.
You glance back and see that itâs Dr. Abbot and you laugh a little, awkwardly. âSure,â you tease. âI totally believe you.â
He cracks a small smile then, setting his things on the conveyor belt behind yours. The steaks, butter, and now eggs, milk, and bread have joined. Along with a four-pack of beer.
âHealthy,â you raise your eyebrows. âDonât know what I expected from a doctor who works nights, though.â
âFunny,â he says. âHow are you doing, by the way? I didnât get a chance to ask.â
âIâm okay,â you reply, stepping forward as the person in front of you pays. âThanks for asking.â
âYou never came back to see me,â he says, his eyes just a little sad and his voice a little too soft.
âI didnât get any worse,â you shrug, ignoring the way his statement made your chest grow tighter and butterflies kick around in your stomach. âAnd a check-up isnât really in the budget, Dr. Abbot.â
âPlease,â he says, exhaling. âCall me Jack.â
You give him a strange look before greeting the cashier as she scans your things through.
You did the math on your phone as you put things in your basket, but the fucking taxes get you every time. And now youâre not sure if you overshot or not.
You try your debit card and, as you dread, it declines.
âFuck,â you mutter to yourself. âOne second, sorry.â
âNo problem,â the cashier says, and to her credit, she doesnât sound like she feels any sort of way about it. She probably deals with this a lot.
âHere, Iâll try a different card,â you smile, hating every second of your fucking life. You didnât want to put this on your credit card, but fine. If you must.
Except that fucking declines too. Fuck. Did you freeze it so youâd stop using it while you paid some of it off and forget to unfreeze it for emergencies like, say, a surprise ER trip and work cutting your hours?
Probably.
âUmâŠâ You can feel the back of your neck starting to sweat from the embarrassment of it all. âIâll just have to-- Iâll come back, or--â
âIâve got it,â Jack says, stepping forward and handing cash over to the cashier before you can stop him. He does at least glance at you and ask, after heâs handed the money over, âIf thatâs okay?â
Itâs not, not really. Because you already owe him for the Uber, and you donât want to owe him for this too, but you really need the fucking food. So, you swallow your pride and say, âYeah, thanks,â instead.
You shove your things into a bag as Jak takes his change from the cashier. He pockets it, thank god, because you think you mightâve exploded if he tried offering it to you.
She scans his stuff and he pays with a card, and you really donât know why youâre still standing here, but you are. Youâre justâŠfrozen. Heâs been so nice. But. Your eyes catch on the wedding ring.
He puts everything into two bags and thanks the cashier before smiling over at you. âReady?â
You just nod numbly, walking with him toward the exit. âThank you,â you say as the two of you are outside. âYou really didnât have to do that.â
He shrugs. âItâs not a problem,â he says, pausing with you on the sidewalk. âItâs the least I could do.â
Youâre not sure what he means by that, and you donât ask.Â
âLet me walk you to your car,â he blurts. âItâs dark.â
The parking lot is extremely well-lit, but you let him have this one. Thereâs no real harm in it. âSure. Iâm over this way.â
You realize that it isnât as well-lit where youâve parked, so youâre glad you let him walk you.
You unlock your door with your key and lean over the console to set your groceries in the passenger seat. You straighten up to see Jack still standing there, looking a bit awkward himself.
âWell,â you murmur. âI guess Iâll see you around?â
âHopefully not in the ER,â he says, dropping his head with a chuckle. âAs much as Iâm glad I was able to help you, I really donât want you to be a patient again.â
âYou and me both,â you mutter, remembering the bill you have to chip away at. âGoodnight, Dr. Abbot.â He gives you a stern look and you roll your eyes. âJack. Goodnight, Jack.â
âGoodnight,â he smiles, then turns and walks through the cars.
You sigh so heavily that you feel it in your bones, sliding into the driverâs seat, pulling your door closed with you. You tip your head back against the headrest with a stupid, giddy smile that feels ridiculous and floaty.
And then, you turn your keys in the ignition.
Now, ideally, the car will start after a second. Normally, the engine fucking starts. Except this time, all you hear are clicks. The clicks of doom.
âFuck,â you say out loud because you, unfortunately, know exactly what the clicking means.
The fucking battery is dead. Because of course it is. Because of course you needed one more goddamn thing to happen that will cost money that you donât have.
You lean forward and rest your forehead on the steering wheel, hitting it just a little too hard, but youâre too tired, stressed, and frankly fed up to even care.
How the hell are you supposed to get home now? You canât call a towing service because how the hell are you supposed to pay for that? And despite the fact that you know whatâs wrong with your car, you have no idea where the nearest car parts store is. Sure, you can Google that, but right now it feels like lifting your head is too much effort.
You try turning the key one more time, just to see if it was a fluke. Clickclickclickclick. Fine.
Then, thereâs knocking on your window, and it makes you jolt so hard you nearly slam your head into the top of your car.
You turn your head, heart racing, but itâs just Dr. Abbot. Jack.
You open the door just as Jack is saying, âI heard the battery. I have jumper cables if you wantâŠ?â
âPlease,â you exhale, not even caring that you sound desperate and that this will be yet another thing youâre indebted to him for.
âGive me a second, Iâll pull my truck around.â
âThanks.â
He gives you another one of his âno need to thank meâ smiles and walks through the cars again. Soon you hear a truck starting, and you realize he parked just a few cars over from you on the other aisle.
You step aside so he can pull into the empty space beside your car. You try (and fail) to not look at him and think about how handsome he looks while he drives.
To keep your eyes under control, you bend down and flick the switch to pop the hood on your car, walking around the front to lift it up.
Jack walks over with the cables, hooking them up despite you reaching for them. âIâve got it,â he says, not unkindly. âYou jumped a car before?â
âYeah,â you chuckle. âMy old car was a piece of shit. Even with a brand new battery, it would decide it wanted to be jumped sometimes.â
He whistles as he turns and finishes hooking up the cables. âDamn.â
âYeah, at least this is the first time this one has needed it,â you reply. âBut I havenât put a new battery in it since I got it likeâŠtwo years ago, so.â
âMight be time then,â Jack says. âAlright, weâre good. Want to try starting it now?â
âRoger that,â you say, and youâve got to stop saying that around him. It must be your go-to when youâre flustered, which is just ridiculous. You need a better phrase.
You slip into your driverâs seat and try the key again. It stutters once, but then it starts, and your body sags with relief.Â
You leave the car running and step out to thank Jack again. Heâs looking at your engine with furrowed brows, though, and thatâs not what you want.
âNoâŠâ You groan. âWhatâs that face for?â
âOne sec,â he says, then heads over to his truck, leaving you there at the hood. You hear rustling and turn to look, but his door and your door are blocking your view.
Next thing you know, heâs leaning into your driverâs seat, saying something about checking some light on the dash.
You have no fucking idea. You donât remember seeing a light pop up when your car started, but then again, you were just elated that your car allowed itself to be jump-started at all.
Then heâs done, as quickly as can be, shutting his truck door and joining you at the hood.Â
âYou need an oil change,â he says.
âI know,â you roll your eyes. âAbout a hundred miles ago. Iâll get it done soon.â
You can tell by his face that he definitely doesnât believe you, but itâs not his problem. You reach over and disconnect the black cable, raising your eyebrows at him so heâll go disconnect it from his truck. He goes without arguing, and then waits for you to disconnect the red before he disconnects his. He takes the cables from you with what you think looks like an apologetic smile.
âThank you for the jump,â you say. You donât want him to feel apologetic, you justâŠ
âItâs no problem, seriously,â he says. He starts looping the cables and loosely knotting them. âDo you need any help with the battery, orâŠ?â
You just give him a wry smile. âIâm a big girl, Dr. Abbot. I can get a new battery for my car.â
âRight, sorry,â he nods, taking a step back. âGoodnight.â
âNight, Jack,â you say, meaning it this time.
He waits until you get in your car and drive away before he even gets in his driverâs seat. You see the little smile on his lips in your rearview mirror.
When you get home, you find a second bag of groceries tucked beside yours on the floor of your passenger seat.
You huff as you take both inside your apartment, setting them on the kitchen counter. You glare at the bag that has eggs, bread, and milk in it as if it disgusts you. Maybe what disgusts you about it is the fact that you arenât upset about it, not really. You need the food. You just hate that he did so much for you tonight. And that other night in the ER.
You take everything out and shove the eggs and milk in the fridge, tossing the bread into the cabinet. And thatâs when you see it, floating down from where it was likely stuck to the bread because of the static electricity.
A receipt. Or the torn-off end of one with some scribbled writing on the back.
Call if you need anything. Or if you just feel like calling. -Jack
You almost snort at the message, but it is sweet. You imagine Jack furiously writing it in his truck before sneaking the groceries over, hands shaking as he writes his name and number.
You put a new contact in your phone -- Jack Abbot (ER Dr) -- but you donât text him. Youâll save that for another day. Maybe.
+++
By some grace of some higher power, your car starts the next morning -- after a little bit of stuttering. Plus, you were able to figure out the nonsense with your credit card, so you make the drive to get a new battery.
The guy at the autoparts shop takes pity on you (or maybe heâs flirting, but you arenât interested) and he changes the battery out for you, free of charge. You know how to change it on your own, but since he offered, you let him. Sometimes you just donât feel like dealing with shit.
You at least have half a tank of gas still, so thereâs that. It should last you for a while, as long as youâre careful about getting to and from work. You can walk, it just takes thirty minutes, but it isnât a bad walk by any means when the weather is nice.
The key phrasing here being when the weather is nice. And you swear, you fucking swear, the weather was supposed to be nice today. There was nothing in the forecast about rain.
But there fucking shouldâve been, because here you stand, looking out the front windows of your job -- a small coffee shop that can only give you part-time hours right now -- as it fucking pours.
You canât even stay in here because the shop is closed now and the security alarm needs to be set. You need to leave before your boss texts you and asks why you havenât already left.
But you have a long ass walk ahead of you in this shitty weather and youâd rather die. Honestly.
At least it isnât thundering. Although, maybe being struck by lightning would be nicer.
âFuck. Meâ is the most eloquent thing you can think of as you exit the shop and lock up, waiting to hear the alarm beep three times over the sound of the rain. You hate when it stops beeping like it should because that means nothing is wrong which means you have to leave.
You didnât even wear a jacket with a fucking hood this morning.
After a few more minutes of (foolishly) hoping the rain is going to slow down, you say fuck it and head out, soaked through your clothes within a minute.
Youâre going to have to put your fucking phone in rice when you get home, rice that you arenât even sure if you have, because if you did, youâd eat it.
You make it to a nearby awning of another shop when a thought occurs to you. A very stupid, ridiculous thought.
You grumble as you dig your phone out of your pocket, surprised that itâs even somewhat dry. You find Jackâs contact and open a new text thread.
Hey, you start, and then you realize you should introduce yourself so you give the whole spiel and then, anyway are you at work rn?
His reply comes within seconds. Not yet. Why?
The raindrops on your screen keep causing you to type the wrong thing and then before you know it youâre fucking calling Jack Abbot.
âFuck!â He picks up far too quickly. âHi.â
If he heard your expletive, he doesnât mention it. âIs everything okay?â
âYeah,â you say automatically, and then you grimace. âWell, no, not really--â
âWhere are you?â
You rattle off the street name. âI was at work, but weâre closed now, and I didnât drive today because Iâm trying to save gas and I thought the weather would be nice, and now itâs fucking pouring and Iâve walked like, five steps and Iâm soaked, and I just--â You take a deep breath, hating the way your voice cracks. âI could really use a ride.â
âIâm on the way,â he says, and you realize that it already sounds like heâs driving. âAre you somewhere dry right now?â
âYeah, Iâm under the floristâs awning,â you sniffle. âSorry about like, being a nuisance in your life lately, geez.â You add a laugh, hoping heâll join you, but he doesnât.
He doesnât say anything, and in that moment you regret calling. You almost think heâs hung up, but you can still hear his truck. His turn signal. His breathing.
So, you stay on the phone, for who the fuck knows why, stewing in your embarrassment, and already planning on how to tell him this will be the last time. And that youâll even let him block you if thatâll make itâŠbetter. Or something.
You finally hang up when you see his truck rounding the corner.
He does a three-point turn so the passenger door is at the curb, and you should not find that as hot as you do.
Next thing you know, heâs leaning over the bench and opening the door for you from inside, waving you in. You jump in, probably slamming the door but youâre too soaked to care.
âFuck me, I didnât even think about getting your truck all wet--â
âItâs fine,â Jack says quickly, and a little too short. âSome rain wonât hurt her. Are you cold?â
You donât know why, but you feel scolded. You sink into the seat and buckle yourself in, shaking your head. âNo, Iâm fine.â Itâs a lie. âThank you.â
He turns the heat on anyway, then turns all the vents toward you.
âThanks,â you murmur.
He just nods. The truck doesnât move.
âOh!â you blurt. âMy address. Do you have a GPS--â
âYouâre not a nuisance.â
You blink. âWhat?â
âOn the phone,â he says, turning to look at you. âYou apologized for being a nuisance, but youâre not one. You donât need to apologize for calling me when you need something. Thatâs why I gave you my number.â
âWhy?â
His eyebrows furrow. âWhy what?â
âWhy did you-- Why do you want to help me so much?â
He smiles softly at that. âBecause it doesnât sound like you have a lot of people in your life who help you.â
Youâre not sure how to respond to that. Because the problem is that heâs right. You donât. Not close by, anyway. And you canât really ask for help because the whole point of you moving out here was to be independent. It wonât look great if you start asking for money if the whole point of moving was to have some space and find your footing on your own.
You stay quiet just a beat too long. Because then Jack adds, âOr maybe I just like you, or something.âÂ
Your eyes snap to his and heâs smiling still, but a bit playful now.Â
âOr something,â you repeat, a smile tugging at your lips. âShouldâve known you throwing money around was you trying to flirt.â
âYou saying it wasnât working?â
You open your mouth to protest, but you canât. You turn your gaze away and wave your hand at him. âJust drive.â
He chuckles, âYes maâam.â He puts the truck in gear and starts moving. âI do need your address, though.â
You tell him your apartment complex, again asking, âDo you want me to put it in Maps?â
He scoffs. âMaps. I know my way around.â
You donât know why, but you find that hot. Really hot.
But your traitorous eyes glance back at his left hand, and the wedding band is still there. It makes something heavy settle in your stomach, and you unconsciously shift closer to the door.
Youâre not sure if the air shifts in the cab of his truck, but it sure feels like it.
The ride is silent except for the rain as Jack takes all the correct turns, knowing exactly where to go without you pointing or anything. When he pulls into the complex, you direct him over to your building, and he pulls up as close as he can to the doors.
âThanks for the ride,â you tell him with a probably too obviously forced smile. âSee you.â
Jack opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, but you canât hear him over the rain, and then you slam his truck door closed. On accident. Itâs just raining really hard and you donât want to get his truck wet any more than you already have. Thatâs all.
Itâs definitely not because youâre mad at him for not mentioning the ring and not because youâre mad at yourself for not bringing it up and for forgetting it was even there.
You stomp up the stairs and into your apartment, glancing out the window once youâre inside, and feeling another wave of anger at yourself when you realize youâre disappointed that his truck is already gone.
What the hell are you doing?
+++
Jack doesnât hear from you for a week. He tries not to feel anything about it.Â
But heâs feeling everything about it. Obviously.
âRough night?â Robby asks, backpack still slung over his shoulder, mistaking Jackâs faraway stare for something else. The confusion is clear on the dayshift doctorâs face. The board is tidy, chairs is mostly empty, only a couple beds line the walls out here.
And Jack looks haunted. He knows he does. âNope,â he says, forcing a tight smile and pushing off the nurseâs hub. âYouâre welcome for cleaning up your mess from yesterday.â
Robby barks out a laugh at that. âYouâre welcome for giving you something to do.â
Jack scoffs. Rolls his eyes. Looks away and thinks about you again.
Robby, who is way too nosy for his own good, catches the shift. âSeriously, are you good?â He pauses. âIs this about her?â
Jack whips his head around so fast he swears he cracks his neck. âWho?âÂ
Robbyâs smile is soft. Knowing. âThe patient you let sleep in and then ordered an Uber for.â
Jack hasnât even told Robby about the grocery store, the car battery, or the rainy day car ride. All Robby knows is that day and the Uber, and Jack is obvious from just that alone. He canât imagine how itâd all sound if Robby knew everything. Jack probably looks like a creep. Objectively.
âItâs nothing,â Jack says, and he doesnât know what the hell he even means by that.
âDid something else happen?â Robby presses. Too nosy for his own damn good.
âNo,â Jack says automatically, which he knows is a mistake.
Robbyâs eyebrows lift skyward. âHave you seen her again? Jack, buddy, youâre holding out on me!â
âNothing has happened!â Jack snaps, not unkindly. And saying it out loud reminds him: nothing has happened. So why does he feel like something is broken again? Like he needs to apologize and fix it? What is there to fix?
âWell youâre acting like a lot has happened,â Robby teases him just a little more. âOr like thereâs trouble in paradise.â
Itâs barely been a month and a half since your ER trip. There is no paradise for there to be any trouble in.
Still, Jack rubs his forehead. âThereâs not. Sheâs just--â Quiet? But are you quiet? Or is this normal? Jack has no idea. He has no idea why he canât bring himself to justâŠcall you. Or text.
Dana chooses the perfect time to arrive, catching the way Jackâs anguished voice said she. The dayshift charge nurse comes over with a shit-eating grin. âGirl troubles? Youâre better off asking a brick wall if youâre trying to get advice out of this one,â she jabs her thumb in Robbyâs direction.
Robby leans over with a smile, getting eye-level with Dana. âAnd a very good morning to you too.â
âMorning, chipper,â Jack smiles at Dana. âNo girl troubles.â
âLiar,â Robby coughs.
âCome on, Dr. Abbot!â Dana cackles. âTell me your woes, let me see if I can help.â
Jack glances warily at the too-eager Robby, and then back at Dana who seems genuine in wanting to help. He takes a deep breath. âI gave her a ride home a week ago and she hasnât spoken to me since.â
Dana raises her eyebrows, eyes a little wide. âRide home from where?â
At the same time, Robby says, âI thought you ordered her an Uber?â
Danaâs eyes go really wide then. âAn Uber from where?â
Jack clarifies. âNo, the Uber was over a month ago, when she was in the ER. The car ride was a week ago-- remember the day it fucking rained like it was a hurricane? She was working and had walked that day.â
âSo sheâŠâ Robby shakes his head, trying to puzzle this one out. âShe asked you for a ride? How?â
âI gave her my number.â
Robbyâs face breaks into a smile. Dana practically screeches, âWhen!â
âWhen IâŠâ Jack sighs, lowering his voice. âWhen I ran into her in the store and then her car battery died so I had to jump her car and then I gave her my number in case sheâŠneeded anything else.â
âOh my god,â Robby whistles. âJack, you are--â
âDonât say it,â Jack nearly growls. He never blushes, but right now, he can feel the heat crawling up his neck.
Dana graciously doesnât mention the blush or how far gone Jack is already. âOkay, so, she has your number from that time, she texts you and asks for a ride home in the rain, you give her a ride, andâŠ?â
âAnd?â Jack echoes. âWhat?â
âYou tell me, Abbot, you were there!â Dana laughs. âWhat happened next? Did you go up with her--â
âNo!â Jack hurries to clarify that too. âJeez, Dana, what do you take me for? I dropped her off and then came into work.â
âYou didnât say anything to her.â
âNo, we spoke.â
âSo what the hell did you say!â Dana laughs louder. âJesus Christ above, itâs like pulling teeth with you. Donât laugh, Robinavitch, youâre just as bad.â
Robbyâs jaw drops at that, clearly wondering why heâs getting any heat right now.
Jack chuckles and recalls the conversation. Everything he said to you. Everything you said back. It dawns on him slowly. âShe was confused about why I was helping her, called herself a nuisance, so I told her to not think about it that way. Iâm helping because I want to, and because IâŠâ He sucks in a breath, looks away. âBecause I like her, or something.â
Danaâs grin only widens at his admission. She gazes up at him like a proud mother. He can tell even though he wonât look at her. âWhat did she say?â
Jack smiles. âThat she shouldâve known I was flirting.â
âAnd?â
âAndâŠI donât know.â Jack crosses his arms, shaking his head. âI drove to her place, and she was watching me, but she justâŠgot quiet at one point.â
Dana hums for a moment. Glances down at his hands. She narrows her eyes when she looks back up at him. âJack.â
He finally looks her in the eyes again. âYeah.â
âWere you wearing your ring?â
âYeah,â he replies. âI always wear it.â Dana knows this. He doesnât understand what this has to do with anyth-- âShit.â
âYeah, shit,â Dana laughs, shaking her head at him. âYouâre welcome for the revelation. Next time disclose the wife before flirting with another woman. Poor girl has probably been sitting at home kicking herself for this all week.â
âShit,â Jack says again, as if it has more meaning this second time around. In a way, it does, because he doesnât want you to be beating yourself up over this. Over him being an idiot and not disclosing that heâs a widow who still wears his ring.
Robby claps him on his shoulder. âSee you in a few minutes for handover, brother. Then you can call your girl.â
Jack opens his mouth to argue that youâre not his anything, but Robby is already following Dana off to the lockers.
+++
Itâs a little after noon. Youâre cleaning your apartment for the third time this week when Jack calls. Youâre too far in the zone to screen his call, realizing far too late that itâs his voice on the other end.
âHey,â he sounds a little shocked that you even picked up at all. âCan we talk?â
You nearly hang up. Thatâs far too serious of a question coming from a man who is married and who youâve had only a handful of interactions with.
But, because youâre stupid, you say, âYeah, Iâve got a few minutes. Whatâs up?â
âI do have a wife,â he says.
Youâre so caught off guard that you reply, âGood for you?â
âOrâŠhad, I guess.âÂ
Great. So heâs divorced. Youâre not sure if that makes it better or worse, and itâs hard to tell from his tone. âOkay?â You rub your temple. âLook, Jack, if this is about last--â
âIâm a widow,â he says, and that stops you cold, your eyes widening. He lets out a weak laugh. âSorry for saying that in the most roundabout way possible.â
âOh,â you elegantly reply. Then, inelegantly, you add, âFuck, I mean, sorry. Iâm so sorry, Jack, for your loss.â
âItâs okay,â he says. âItâs been years. But thatâs why I have a ring.â
âOf course,â you breathe, leaning back against your kitchen counter. âThatâs okay. Obviously itâs okay. Iâm sorry I jumped to conclusions.â
âNo, itâs not your fault, and that was a logical conclusion to jump to,â he says honestly. âI just shouldâve told you before I said I liked you and was flirting with you.â
âYeah,â you chuckle. âMightâve saved me a freak out.â
You can practically hear his frown. âIâm sorry.â
âEnough of that,â you murmur, waving your hands in your empty apartment. âThank you for telling me.â
âIf itâs not-- If youâre notâŠI donât know what Iâm trying to say,â he breaks off with a soft laugh. âCan I take you to dinner?â
âAbsolutely,â you reply. âIâd love that.â
Jack asks if you can do dinner that evening. Thankfully, youâre free, but honestly, you wouldâve found a way.
Heâs leaning against his truck when you come down from your apartment. Heâs in dark jeans today, and a white t-shirt that almost looks a little too tight. You try not to ogle his arms too much, but itâs his fault for crossing them. Does he have any idea how good that makes his biceps look?
âHey stranger,â you say, which is the worst attempt at flirting youâve ever heard, but itâs what your brain spits out, so you commit to it. âFancy seeing you here.â
âI didnât want to wait until you nearly bowled me over by the eggs again,â he teases.
You gasp. âRude!â
He smiles, walking around to the passenger door to open it for you. He nods into the truck. âHop in. We have a little drive.â
âOoh, how mysterious.â
He chuckles as he shuts the door. You watch him as he rounds the truck and he catches your gaze through the windshield. You donât hide your smile. You watch him even as he gets in the driverâs seat.
âDo I get to know where weâre going for dinner?â you ask, buckling in. âOr is it a surprise?â
âDepends,â he says, turning the key. âDo you like surprises?â
You smile. âIâll allow this one.â
âThank you,â he says. As he pulls onto the road, he asks, âHow was your day?â
You tell him about the deep-cleaning. âI clean when Iâm stressed, so I was in the middle of that when you called actually. I wasnât planning to pick up.â
If heâs hurt by that, he hides it. Mostly. âOh.â
âWell, I thought I was on the cusp of an affair,â you joke. âBut itâs fine, the stress wasnât entirely you. Work is cutting hours again, my friend might be moving states, and Iâm just--â You cut yourself off with a laugh. âSorry.â
âDonât be sorry,â he says genuinely, turning his head to glance at you. âI asked because I want to know this stuff.â
You chew the inside of your cheek, a similar gnawing feeling in your stomach that isnât hunger. âHow was your day?â
âGood,â he nods. âLittle stressful, but the ED always is. Dayshift left a fucking mess for us to clean up.â
You roll your eyes, saying, âAssholes,â automatically, like you know. Like you get it.
Jack just smiles harder. âYeah, exactly. Theyâre assholes.â
When he turns to enter the highway, you give him a strange look. âHow far are we going?â
âJust a couple towns over,â he explains. âJust faster this way.â
You hum.
âIâm starting to think you donât like surprises.â
âI said Iâd allow this one.â
âAh,â he laughs. âSo you donât.â
âNot at all,â you admit, sinking into your seat. âBut Iâm trying to be cool.â
âYou are cool,â he says honestly. âYou donât need to try.â
âOkay,â you breathe. And then, helplessly, you cave and ask, âWhere are we going?â
He laughs, not at you, and not unkindly. âIâm taking you to this little family run restaurant I love. They make great pizza. The owner is a friend of mine.â
You relax a little, knowing the exact plan, and something warm settles in your chest at the information. A friend of his. A place he loves. And heâs taking you.
His arm has been resting on the console between the two of you this entire time, and itâs only now that you brave the distance and place your hand over his. He looks over at you with the sweetest smile, turning his hand over to press your palms together. You lace your fingers through his. He squeezes your hand, and itâs like all the nerves melt out of your body.
+++
Dinner with Jack becomes a regular thing. Once, sometimes twice a week. He always takes you somewhere new. He always pays. And you always let him.
Itâs nice to not have to worry. You hate to admit it, but it is. You donât have to worry about gas money, or money for the dinners, because when you offered to pay for both one time, he looked at you like youâd just slapped him.
âIâve got it,â he always says. âDonât worry about it.â
You try not to.
But he pays for so much. You forgot to delete his card off your Uber app and ordered a ride one day, the charge automatically approved, and then you saw the card number. You freaked out and texted him, apologetically saying youâd pay him back.
Donât worry about it, he wrote back. Sorry I canât give you a ride right now.
You rolled your eyes. I know you are not apologizing for being at work.
He took a minute to reply, but when he did, it said, Wouldnât dream of it. Home safe?
You mentioned still paying off your ER bill, and miraculously, you got a letter from the hospital the next week saying your bill had been paid. You knew without a doubt that it was Jackâs doing, but you also didnât have any definitive proof, so you didnât press him about it.
But it lingered in your mind. Another thing you feel like you owe him for.
You mentioned work cutting hours again, leaving you with a poor excuse for part-time and rapidly dwindling savings, and Jack asked if you needed anything. You told him no, you were fine, you were just venting, but clearly it stuck with him.
Because the next time you have dinner, he says, casually, âI made you an authorized user on my credit card.â
You nearly spit out your wine, and then nearly kick him for that because this is a nice place. Youâre in a dress and heels, for Christâs sake. You canât spit-take wine across the table.
âWhy did you do that?â you hiss.
âI didnât mean to make you snort wine--â
âNo, the card!â You lean over the table. âWhy am I an authorized user?â
He looks at you incredulously. âSo if you need something, you can buy it.â
âYouâre insane,â you laugh. âYou know that, right?â
Heâs smiling a little, but heâs still not following. âI just donât want you to have to ask.â
âIâm still going to ask,â you say. âIf I use the card.â
âYou donât have to,â he concedes, but you can tell he doesnât like it. âBut I want you to. Genuinely.â
You shake your head at him. âGod.â Your emotions are thrashing inside your brain and heart like tidal waves. Frustration, annoyance, attraction. Because heâs practically handing you his credit card. Youâre ridiculous. Youâre setting feminism back by four decades.
âOkay,â he says warily, eyeing you across the table. âWe can talk about it later?â
He sounds so unsure of himself, but you nod. âOh, yeah. Weâll talk about it later.â
Dinner is fine, if a little awkward at times, both your fault and his. The drive back to your place is a little better because you practically wrap yourself around his arm while he drives with the other.
He parks at your apartment and you make no move to get out of the truck. Neither does he.
He clears his throat. âLook, Iâm-- Iâm sorry if that was too much, earlier. With the credit card. I just donât want you going without when I have more than enough and I can just share it with you. I hate that your hours are getting cut, and I know rent and food and life isnât cheap, so I just-- I want you to be taken care of. Thatâs all.â
You listen to each word, drinking it in, watching his jaw work as he speaks. Heâs looking ahead, for once not staring at you with the intensity of a thousand suns. Itâs how you know heâs being honest. And vulnerable.
âJack,â you whisper. âLook at me.â
He finally does, and you see sincerity in them, but you also see fear.Â
âIâm not mad,â you begin, cupping his face. âI just think itâs a little funny that youâre giving me your credit card before youâve even kissed me.â
He lets out a laugh that sounds relieved almost. âWell, believe it or not, my plan was to kiss you tonight.â
âYeah?â you tease. âSorry I ruined it.â
He shakes his head. âYou didnât ruin it,â he says seriously. He leans a little closer. âBut the card hasnât arrived yet.â
âOh?â
âMhm,â he nods, eyes flicking down to your lips just as his tongue darts out to wet his own. âSo Iâm still kissing you before I give it to you.â
âOh, you are?â
âI am,â he chuckles, one hand sliding up to gently cup the back of your head. âIf you shut up and let me.â
âWell, maybe you should--â
He reads your mind. He shuts you up with the kiss, pulling your face to his just as he moves closer, like heâs desperate to close the distance. Weeks of dinners together, of phone calls on the way home from his shift while youâre on your way to yours, of kisses on your cheek and hands. Finally.
âTook you long enough,â you murmur when he pulls away. âI was wondering if you were ever going to do that.â
âI was too slow, huh?â he smiles, thumb grazing your cheek.
âI like slow,â you admit quietly. âItâs been really nice.â
âGood,â he whispers, eyes scanning every inch of your face, memorizing. âI really like you, you know?â
âI kinda figured,â you smirk, earning another kiss. When you break away this time, you say, âI really like you, too.â
+++
When Jackâs credit card -- with your name on it -- arrives in the mail the next week, he brings it to you after his shift.Â
You pull him up to your apartment, calling him crazy the entire way, because he should be asleep right now, not bringing you a damn card.
âThe card couldâve waited,â you mutter, taking the envelope from him and putting it on the counter. âYouâre probably exhausted.â
âIâm fine,â he smiles through your fussing. âWhat are you doing awake anyway? Do you work today?â
You grimace. âHa, no. About thatâŠâ
His curses under his breath. âNo.â
âYeah,â you shrug. âLast hired, first fired,â you chuckle despite how fucked it all feels. âIâve just been trying to wake myself up earlier so I can apply to jobs and shit. But Iâm so fucking stressed that it makes it hard to sleep at night, so Iâm up super late, and yeah. Itâs a vicious cycle.â
âSounds like it,â he murmurs. âYou look exhausted.â
âThanks.â
âNo, I mean,â he pauses, seeing your teasing smile and kisses it. âDo you want to take a nap?â
âI have shit I should do,â you sigh. âYou can, if you want. I wonât be loud or anything.â
âNo,â he shakes his head at you, rubbing your arms. âYouâre napping with me. Doctorâs orders.â
âFine,â you grumble, but youâve really put up no protest at all, which is how he knows youâre exhausted.
He follows you over to your bedroom. Itâs not the first time heâs been in your apartment, but it is the first time heâll be in your bed.Â
Youâre still in your pajamas, so you crawl under the covers immediately.
Jack hovers in the doorway for a moment before saying, awkwardly, âDo you have anything I can sleep in?â
You furrow your eyebrows. âWhat do you need?â
âI donât know, like, do you want me to be wearing clothes, or--â
You laugh so loud it bounces off the walls. âSorry, oh my God,â you sit up. âDo you want some sweatpants or something?â Then, because he swears you can read his mind, you say, âYou can just sleep in your boxers, you know. Itâll be fine.â
âYouâre sure?â
âYes,â you nod. âAs long as youâre fine with me taking my shorts off.â You hardly ever sleep with any pants on anyway, usually opting for just a t-shirt and your underwear.
âItâs your bed,â he says. âAlso, umâŠâ
You look up at him with raised eyebrows while you tug your shorts down. You drop them onto the floor and lay back down.
âI need to tell you something.â
You sit back up. âOkay.â
It sounds serious because, well, it kind of is. And Jack kind of canât believe he hasnât told you this yet, but he never had reason to. Heâs always wearing pants around you. He never wears shorts. And it never came up in conversation. So.
âI lost my leg, when I was a combat medic.â
Your expression changes only slightly, from worry to understanding. You knew he was in the military, just not the amputation part. âOkay.â
âNot my entire leg, just below the knee. I have a prosthetic.â
You nod. âOkay.â
âJust so it doesnâtâŠfreak you out or anything.â
You smile softly. âIâm not freaked out.â
âOkay.â
âDo you need anything?â
His eyebrows furrow. âWhat?â
You just shrug, like this is all normal, standing up so youâre meeting his eyes. âDo you want to take the prosthetic off to sleep? Thatâd probably be more comfortable. And do you need any painkillers or anything?â
He deflates. âPlease, actually. If you have any.â
You kiss his cheek. âOf course. Iâll be right back.â
You disappear back to the kitchen and he stands there in your bedroom, stunned. Heâs still standing there when you return, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of Ibuprofen in the other.
âYou okay?â
He kisses you. He doesnât know what else to do.
You melt into it, nearly dropping the water and medicine in the process. âWhat was that for?â
âYouâre really great,â he blurts, which isnât what he wants to say. What he wants to say is I love you, but itâs too soon. Probably.
âThank you,â you smile. You turn and place the water and pill bottle on your nightstand. âDo you need help orâŠ?â
âNo, no, Iâm good, I just,â he pauses, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you back in. The words nearly slip out again, but he keeps them in. âThank you.â
+++
The first time you use his credit card, itâs to buy groceries. You worry about it the entire time, and half expect it to decline when you hold it up to the reader, but it doesnât. It goes through faster than any of your other cards ever have.
Thank you for the credit card, you text him right after. Got my groceries for a couple weeks.
Thank you for using it, he writes back. Buy yourself something fun please.
You use it to buy yourself a (probably) overpriced coffee and sweet treat a few days later. You send him a picture.Â
Fun items purchased.
He replies a couple hours later when heâs woken up from his post-shift nap. Good. Do it again.
You roll your eyes at the message, but send a red heart anyway.
A few weeks later, you find a different job at another random cafe, this one inside a big chain bookstore. Still not full time hours, and not at all what you really want to be doing with your life, but itâs something. It means you can pay rent with your paycheck, but then that means you have to put everything else on Jackâs card. Because your paycheck will only cover rent, and just barely.
Jack hears about it. Sorry for using your card for a billion things this week. You had to fill your car up with gas, get the oil changed finally because it started making a weird noise and you freaked out, and some of your food molded faster than expected so you had to go back to the grocery store. All in two days.
He sends ? back. Then adds, Itâs your card.
Jack.
Iâm serious, he says. Donât apologize for using it. Thatâs why I gave it to you.
Yeah but now I owe you. A lot.
He calls you.
âArenât you at work?â you say in lieu of a greeting.
âYou donât owe me anything,â he says quickly. You can hear movement in the background, lots of voices and some beeping. âYou understand that, right? Iâm not going to ask for any of this money back. Iâm not keeping a tab.â
âYouâre sure?â You hate how pathetic your voice sounds.
âIâm sure,â he says softly. âBaby, how long have you-- You havenât been thinking that this whole time, have you?â
Your reply is weak. And quiet. Youâre too anxious about this to even realize itâs the first time heâs called you baby. âMaybe. Kind of.â
âNo,â he exhales. âIâm sorry. I shouldâve-- You donât owe me a penny, okay? No more of that. The card is yours to use, donât worry about the limit. And donât you dare try to pay me back.â
âOkay,â you murmur. Donât worry about the limit. What the fuck is the limit?
âI said donât worry about it,â Jack replies, and you can practically hear him smiling. âGet some sleep, okay? Why donât we get breakfast tomorrow, you and me.â
âOkay,â you nod. âOkay. Want me to meet you at the hospital?â
âYou can,â he says. âIf youâre up for everyone wanting to meet you.â
You chuckle at that, hanging your head. Everyoneâs been asking about meeting you, apparently. At least those that didnât see you that night you first met Jack. âSure, why not,â you say. âBut tell them we wonât be staying long. You need to eat and take a nap.â
âYes maâam.â
You kind of love when he says that. âSee you in the morning.â
âSweet dreams, baby.â
+++
Jack doesnât mention to any of his coworkers that youâre meeting him here after his shift ends. He thought about it, but then another trauma came in, and he didnât have the time.
He almost forgets that youâre coming, but the second he hears your name leave Lenaâs mouth, he remembers. And lights up inside.
âYour girl is in chairs,â she says, her tone veering toward sing-song. âBig plans?â
âOh yeah,â Jack chuckles as he heads for the doors. âBreakfast.â
He opens the doors and spots you instantly, standing against a wall despite over half the chairs in the room being empty. His gaze softens when he sees you, not exactly looking well-rested, but beautiful. Always beautiful.
âHey,â he says when he reaches you.Â
You put your phone away and smile tiredly at him. âHey,â you murmur. âHowâs it going?â
âBetter now,â he admits, bringing you in for a kiss. âYou can come back and hang out with Lena -- our charge nurse. Iâll be just a little longer with handover.â
âOh! Sorry Iâm early, I can chill here so I wonât be in the way--â
Jack grabs your hand and laces your fingers together. âYouâre not in the way. Come on.â
You concede and let him pull you back. He introduces you to Lena who is lovely and says thereâs a chair with your name on it.Â
âRobby just came in, should be out here in a sec,â Lena adds to Jack. âAnd Dana is probably not far behind.â
Youâve heard about Robby, the dayshift attending and chief of the ED. And also one of Jackâs best friends, despite (it seems) neither of them admitting it in those words.
âThank you,â Jack says. âAnd sorry in advance for all the questions theyâre going to ask,â he says to you.
âNo problem,â you grin. âIâll just ask for all the embarrassing stories about you.â
âOf course you will,â he sighs. âRight, I need to do some last-minute things, but Iâll be right back, and then hopefully we can get out of here on time, okay?â
âOkay,â you nod, content as can be, which is a good sign, but Jack also knows heâs going to return to you being told stories he does not want anyone to know about -- let alone you.
He drops a kiss to your cheek before he leaves. He covers everything as quickly as he can, and then rushes back, just to find you giggling with Robby and Dana like youâre all old friends. It makes something twist in his chest.
âThere he is,â Dana grins like a Cheshire cat when she spots Jack returning. âWhy didnât you tell us she was coming in?â
Jack slides into place beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. âDidnât know I needed to tell you about my breakfast plans.â
Dana and Robby just share a look.Â
âWell, it was very nice to finally meet you,â Robby says to you. âIâm going to go put my shit down so you two can get out of here.â
âAwh,â you pout playfully. âBut Dana was just telling me about how helpless you both are with romance.â
Robby cackles and shakes his head as he leaves. Dana rounds the counter to start putting her things away and getting ready for the day ahead.Â
âLena had to run, but she caught me up to speed,â Dana says. âDonât forget to sign everyone off before you go.â
Jack nods. âLet me do that right now.â
You watch as he works, and as Dana sets up her station for the day. Robby comes back a few seconds later, drumming his hands on the hub as he gazes up at a screen above your head.
âSo, whatâs for breakfast?â he asks, cracking a smile when he looks back down at you. âAny place special?â
âDunno, Jackâs buying,â you tease, nudging your boyfriendâs arm.
Jackâs just happy to hear you making a little joke about it after the anxious texts he got last night. âI made the plans, of course Iâm buying.â
âYou always pay.â
Robby and Dana share another one of those looks.
âLike an old married couple,â Dana mutters fondly.
âYup,â Robby nods, still with that shit-eating grin on his face.
âOkay,â Jack straightens up. âLetâs get our shit done so I can leave.â
Handover doesnât take long. What takes up most of the time is the gentle teasing that Robby and Dana interject here and there. Eventually, itâs all sorted and Jack heads off to the lockers to grab his things, leaving you (reluctantly) with Dana and Robby.
He comes back to find you in tears. Doubled over. Laughing your ass off.
âDid you break her?â Jack asks Robby, but heâs fighting an absurd smile because Robby is also wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Dana looks as smug as can be. âWhat the hell happened? I was gone for barely a minute!â
You stand up, swaying from the giggles that are still slipping out. âOh my god. That was good, Dana. Should I tell him?â
âTell me what?â
Dana just shrugs and gestures with her hand. Tell him if you want.
You round the hub and thread your fingers through Jackâs free hand, wrapping yourself around his arm. You lean close and kiss his cheek. âShe said youâre basically my sugar daddy.â
Jack feels a blush heating up his neck almost immediately. âAlright, thatâs it, weâre leaving.â
âHave fun, sugar!â Dana calls out, her and Robbyâs shoulders shaking with laughter as you and Jack exit through the ambulance bay.
âI canât take you anywhere,â Jack mutters (lovingly) once the two of you are outside. You took an Uber here (his orders) so the two of you could just take his truck to breakfast and then home.
âThey loved me,â you protest, still wrapped tight around his arm, and itâs the best damn feeling heâs ever had. âDana told me I should come the next time you guys go out.â
Oh God. Jack has avoided those nights for a long time. But maybe with you there, itâd be more bearable.
âOkay,â he says. âNext time there is one, Iâll let you know.â
âYou better,â you smile. âOr Dana will have your head.â
+++
The guilt about spending Jackâs money doesnât go away. It probably never will. But he never once makes you feel bad for it, always insists that you donât need to worry about the limit (because he knows you wonât come close to it anyway, not with the way you spend and how he can pay off half of it each month), and he all but requires you to make fun purchases with it at least once a week.
It starts with just coffee. Or other fun drinks and food. Until he tells you those are just necessities to fuel your body. He means actual fun things.
So, you amuse him. You get a new pair of shoes because your others have had a hole in them for a while. But you make the mistake of telling him about said hole because then he just labels that as a necessity, too.
You try again with a new blanket. The heating in your apartment has been a little fucked the entire time youâve lived there, but you think it might actually be going out this time. You, again, make the mistake of telling Jack that. The blanket becomes a necessity, and he comes over to look at your thermostat to see if he can fix it. (He canât. You file another maintenance report.)
Third timeâs the charm, or so you hope, so you start to think outside the box. Something fun. Something just for you. Something different.
Itâs almost midnight when you think of something. You and Jack have been texting here and there while heâs at work, but itâs mostly devolved into him asking you why youâre not asleep yet. You tell him youâre busy trying to buy something fun. He leaves you alone.
Until he sees the charge go through on the card.
Iâm going to pretend I donât know what this is, he texts you, with a screenshot of the notification that clearly shows him that you spent nearly two-hundred dollars on lingerie.
Probably in your best interest to forget you saw that, you write back.
Saw what?Â
You giggle to yourself in your room. Goodnight!
Youâre torturing me, he says. And then, Sweet dreams baby.
You didnât pay for express shipping, but the lingerie arrives at your apartment just two days later. Perfect timing for Jackâs two days off in a row.
The plan was already for him to come to yours after his shift and pick you up so the two of you can spend his little mid-week weekend at his place. You finish packing your bag, lingerie included, just in time for him to buzz your apartment.
You let him up and then pull on your shoes, so youâre ready to go as soon as he knocks. He takes your bag for you and holds your other hand as he walks you down to his truck, none the wiser to what you have packed.
The day is slow and cozy and restful. You shower with him when you get in. The two of you then take a small nap, and you wake up just a little before he does so you can start on lunch. He hears you in the kitchen and comes out with his crutches, only just recently beginning to use them around you.
The two of you lounge on his couch the entire day, tangled up together, dozing off here and there with the TV in the background. You order in for dinner.
And after eating, you head into the bathroom to change into your favorite piece of lingerie that you ordered. Jackâs favorite color -- and coincidentally the one you thought looked best -- with lace in all the right places.
You come back out to the living room to find Jack has cleaned up already. Itâs not even 9pm yet, and youâre both ready to go to bed.
But not to sleep. At least, thatâs not on your mind.
You find him in the kitchen, setting the coffee pot for the morning.
âHey soldier,â you murmur, sliding your arms around his waist. âReady to lay down?â
He sighs, body relaxing against you. âYeah. Ready to hold you.â
You press a quick kiss to his neck and his breath hitches for only a second.
You help him turn all the lights off as he goes to check that he locked the front door. You meet him in the bathroom to brush your teeth next to one another, all of it very sweet and domestic.
By the time you lay down beside him, youâre fine with just this, with just being held by him in the quiet.
Jack settles and pulls you into him by an arm around your waist, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck with a happy little sigh.
His hand slides under your shirt to rest on your stomach, and you bite your lip, suppressing a smile as his fingers find the lace. He freezes.
âWhat,â he says, voice low, âare you wearing.â
You try to hide your giggle as much as you can, but it slips out a little as you say, âNothing, letâs go to sleep, youâre really tired.â
His hand slides higher, cupping your lace-covered breast. âIâm wide awake now, baby.â His breath tickles your ear as he kisses behind it. âNow,â he pinches your nipple. âWhat are you wearing?â
âNothing,â you reply, still feigning innocence despite the grin on your lips. Thank god youâre not facing him. âCome on, youâre tired.â
Next thing you know, youâre flat on your back with Jack hovering over you. Even in the dim light you can see the hunger in his eyes.
âIâm not tired anymore,â he repeats. âAnd now I have a problem.â He drops his hips, pressing his half-hard erection to your core, and you gasp.
âSeems like a one-man issue,â you smirk, shrugging innocently. âDonât know why youâd need me.â
He nearly growls as he leans down to capture your lips. When your hands move to tug on his hair, he promptly pins them above your head.
âKeep them there,â he says against your lips. You nod, still kissing him. He pulls back just a little to say, âGood girl.â
Your chest rises and falls rapidly as Jack kisses down your cheeks, your neck, your chest. He reaches your stomach and pushes the t-shirt-- his t-shirt up until he sees the lace. He hisses through his teeth, looking at you with fire in his eyes.
âShouldâve known you were up to something,â he says absentmindedly, his fingers moving to the waistband of his shorts that youâre wearing. âYou never wear shorts to bed.â
âIâm surprised you didnât notice how weird I was acting,â you laugh softly. âIâm terrible at keeping secrets.â
He drags the shorts down your body, tossing them to the floor. He presses his lips to your thighs, in awe of how you look.Â
âCan I move my hands?â you smirk. âKinda want to take the shirt off.â
He just looks up at you with a smile, crawling up the bed to tug the shirt over your head, too. He tosses it somewhere, leaning back to take you in. His gaze makes you squirm.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he whispers. His hands roam your body, feeling every inch. âI almost donât want you to take it off.â
You bite your lip. âI thought youâd say that.â
His eyebrow raise with the realization. One hand travels down to find out what you mean. His eyes close as a moan breaks through his lips, and a gasp falls from yours. The pads of his fingers circle your clit gently before dipping between your folds, just barely teasing inside you.
âJack,â you gasp, back arching just from the minimal touch.
He removes his fingers instantly, pressing his entire weight on top of you as he claims your mouth. âIâm taking my time with you,â he whispers. His hands pin yours above your head again. âStay still, yeah?â
âNo promises,â you smile, but when he gives you a look, you nod. âYeah. Yes. Iâll try.â
âThatâs my girl.â
Staying still is harder than he thinks it is. Itâs near impossible to not arch into his touch, especially with his teasing. You try to sink into the bed instead of up toward him, but it takes all of your effort.
And itâs killing you that he doesnât want to take the damn lingerie off. You kind of assumed he wouldnât want to, but feeling his lips and tongue through the lace is torture. You donât want the barrier, but heâs determined to keep it on.
âWait,â you gasp when his lips ghost over your nipples. His head raises immediately. âCan you--â You pause, swallowing. âCan you take your shirt off? I want to see you.â
He smiles softly, pressing a kiss to your jaw. âOf course.â He tosses his shirt away, but leaves his boxers on. âBetter?â
You want the boxers gone too, but you decide not to push your luck. You just nod. âYeah. Better.â
He resumes his path from earlier, lips hovering over your nipples. He sinks his teeth ever-so-slightly into your breast, just enough to feel you tense underneath him. He soothes it with a kiss.
He does the same to your thighs and hips, so close to where you need him, but never close enough. Heâs only just about to hover over your clit when your hips act on their own, thrusting toward his mouth, your clit just barely catching on his nose.
His hands immediately grip your hips to push them back down, tskâing with his tongue. âWhat did I say?â
âI know, I know, stay still,â you whine, still trying to move your hips, trying to find any friction. But your hands have stayed where he asked. âYouâre torturing me.â
He soothes his thumbs over your hips, chuckling. âI havenât done anything.â
âExactly!â you cry, lifting your head to look at him. âPlease fuck me.â
His smile turns into a grin. âSo polite.â
âJack.â
âI want to do something else first,â he says. âBut youâll get your wish, trust me.â
You toss your head back on the pillows dramatically. You feel him moving, but youâre too busy with said dramatics to care.
Until you feel him licking from your entrance to your clit.
âOh my god,â you moan, your hips trying to thrust upward again, but heâs ready for you, and he holds you in place.
He alternates between teasing your clit and teasing your entrance, never doing much to either to make you reach your climax. Itâs only when he settles on just your clit, flicking his tongue in the way he knows you like, that you start to get close at a rapid pace.
âJack,â you try to warn him in your tone, but he knows.Â
You half expect him to stop. To not let you have it. Thatâs why it comes as such a surprise when he goes faster, throwing you over the edge, and he doesnât stop.
You know you look wild, hips thrashing on the bed as he fights against you and holds you down, continuing to lick and suck you through the orgasm. His tongue dips inside your entrance and you swear you feel a second wave of your climax hit, the sensation making you see stars.
Youâre not sure how long it is before he lets up, you just know youâre floating by the time he crawls up your body. His erection presses against your stomach as he kisses you, coaxing you back to earth.
He pulls back just to watch you, the blissful look on your face, and how hard it is for you to open your eyes. He cups your jaw, thumb brushing the skin under your eyes until you finally look at him.
âThere she is,â he murmurs. âDoing okay?â
You nod. âMore than okay.â And then, because you canât help yourself, âAre you going to fuck me now?â
He just laughs, capturing your lips again. âYes, baby, Iâll fuck you now.â
âThank god,â you breathe. âIâve been waiting all day.â
He gives you another one of his stern looks, and sometimes you wonder if he knows the looks do nothing to deter your sass. Maybe thatâs why he gives you them.
âIâm still taking my time,â he reminds you, lips quirking when he sees the bratty look fall from your face.Â
You open your mouth for some other retort, but he pins your hands again, earning a gasp instead.
âStay still,â he says again. âLet me do all the work.â
You want to protest about him doing it too slow, but you keep your mouth shut just this once.
Heâs still wearing his damn boxers.
You shouldâve known he wouldnât fuck you immediately. Heâs always had this thing. He has to use his fingers first, get you ready for him. Never mind the fact that youâre used to him now, and that you have a vibrator that you use when heâs working. You donât need him to use his fingers first. But does he listen? No.
Instead, he takes his sweet time. He works one finger into you slowly, then moves to two. He spreads and curls them, huffing out a little laugh when you arch against him. He makes sure to give your clit the friction it needs before adding a third finger. When he does finally add the third, your hands fly from their designated space, clutching his arms on pure instinct.
âItâs okay,â he coos, using his free hand to guide both your wrists back to where they should be. âYouâre okay.â
You shake your head against the pillows. âMâclose.â
âThen cum,â he whispers, kissing the corner of your mouth. âI can feel you.â
Your eyes open, fixing him with a glare. âI want to feel you.â
âYou will,â he promises with a chuckle, kissing you again. âAs soon as you cum again for me.â
He curls his fingers at just the right moment, pressing hard on your g-spot before easing up, and doing it again. And again. Over and over, all while grinding his palm into your clit, and he can feel it happening, your walls fluttering, building up and up.
âCome on, doll,â he whispers against your cheek. âYouâre right there. Show me how pretty you are.â
You whine against his mouth, your body still fighting it for some reason, but then he starts to kiss your neck. He feels you tense another notch.
âCome on,â he murmurs, hand still working at that same, steady pace. âNeed you to cum so I can feel you, please baby. Please, for me.â
That works like a charm, your whole body shuddering with the force of your second orgasm, held together only by Jackâs weight on top of you. Heâs kinder this time, riding the waves out only just before heâs slowing to a stop, not wanting to overwhelm you before he can even be inside you. He waits for one last quiver before he gently eases his fingers out of you, covering your face in more kisses.
Youâre gasping for air, looking even more relaxed, and pulling him down with both your hands to capture him in a kiss.
His hips unconsciously thrust against you, his clothed erection losing its patience. âOkay, okay,â he mutters. âI need to-- Let me grab a condom--â
âOr,â you pause, lifting your hips again, pressing your clit to his cock. âWe could go without.â
He looks at you for a long moment before he mutters, âFuck,â and kisses you again, immediately coaxing your mouth open with his tongue. âYouâre going to kill me,â he keeps muttering. âAre you sure?â
You nod. âIâm sure. Iâm very sure.â Youâre on birth control and he knows this, but youâve both wanted to be better safe than sorry.
Right now, you just want to feel him. All of him.
âOkay,â he says. âOkay. If youâre sure.â
âJack,â you laugh. âGet inside me. Now.â
âYes maâam,â he grins, all goofy and lovesick, just the way you like. He kicks his boxers off and just presses the length of him against your folds, both of you groaning at the warmth.
He doesnât enter you right away. Instead, he does something more obscene, just running the head of his cock through your folds, using the remnants of your orgasms to coat him. Itâs the hottest thing youâve ever felt, and youâre ready to pin him down when he does the same to you.
âWeâre not rushing this one,â he says, ever so stern, but you can see the cracks starting to form. He keeps your wrists pinned beside your head. âBecause if you rush me, I wonât last.â
You try not to smile at that.Â
Slowly, so slowly, he pushes inside. His head is barely past your folds when he stops, eyes shut, taking a deep breath. Your hips try to rock and his eyes pop open, fixing you with another look.
He pushes just a bit further and you gasp at the stretch -- maybe you arenât as used to him as you think you are -- head tossing back against the pillows again.
âBreathe, baby,â he soothes, releasing your wrist to hold onto your hips. âLet me in.â
You try to relax, wondering how the hell youâre wound this tight when youâve already cum twice. You know it makes no sense, but he feels bigger like this somehow. Just him. No condom between you.
âJack, please,â you whine. âI need you.â
âIâm right here, baby,â he murmurs. âRight here.âÂ
He pushes the rest of the way inside, hips flush with yours, and holds you there, just feeling you. Itâs involuntary, the way you clench around him, and you hear his breath catch when you do.
âBe careful,â he chokes out. âYouâre trying to milk me.â
âMaybe,â you reply, breathy and light. âI canât help it. You feel so-- so big.â
âI told you--â
âJust shut up and fuck me.â
He leans over you, pressing you deeper into the mattress. He shifts inside you, rubbing right against your g-spot, and you gasp from the feeling, from the weight of him like this. âWhat are you forgetting?â He nips at your jaw.Â
âPlease,â you add quickly. âPlease-- Fuck!â
He grins against your neck as he starts thrusting steadily. Not hard, but not soft either. Heâs only pulling out halfway before pressing back inside, making sure to feel every inch of your walls.Â
And then he starts talking.
âCanât believe you bought this,â he whispers, lips ghosting over your ear. âYou know how hot it is that you bought this for yourself? With my money?â
âJack,â you gasp. âI didnât--â
âI love when you spend my money,â he admits. âI want you to spend all of it-- itâs yours. Iâm yours. All yours.â
Your hands move, but he doesnât stop you. You wrap your arms around him, lifting your hips to change the angle as you wrap your legs around him, too. He groans at the change, thrusting harder.
âGod, I love you.â He canât believe heâs letting it happen now, letting this be the moment that he tells you, but itâs out there now. âI love you so much.â
âFuck, Jack,â you pull his lips to yours. âI love you too. Iâve been trying so hard not to say it too soon.â
He kisses you gently, slowing his hips to savor the taste of you. âMe too,â he whispers. âBut I love you too much to keep it to myself anymore.â
âMe too,â you smile, kissing him again.
Heâs lost in the feel of you, starting the same rhythm again, steady and thorough, the way he knows is your favorite. Because he knows everything you need. Heâs spent the majority of this last year just memorizing you. All of you.
He knows when your moans reach a certain pitch that youâre close, he knows what it means when your nails start to dig into his shoulders, and he knows what you need to get you over that ledge.
And once he gets you there, he follows right behind, hips stuttering, vision blurring from how good you feel, how good it feels to cum inside you, not into a condom. Your breath hitches in a way heâs never heard before when you feel him empty inside you, and then you groan, locking your heels together, pulling him even deeper.
Heâs dizzy with it, his head falling into your neck as his hips lazily thrust as much as he can with how tightly youâre holding him. Thereâs barely any room to move, but he does, just a little, just riding it out with you.
He stays there, on top of you, hearts racing as one. Your fingers card through his hair gently, scratching his scalp just a little, just to soothe him.
And then you start laughing. Heâs confused at first, wondering what the rumbling is, but then he hears your giggles, and he lifts his head, smile fighting its way to his lips.
âWhat?â
âNothing,â you say, but youâre still laughing. âI just canât believe you told me you loved me for the first time while you were inside me.â
His head drops to the pillow beside you with a groan. His reply is muffled. âIâm so sorry.â
âNo, donât be!â you laugh harder, trying to pull him back up. âJack, Iâm not mad. Itâs really sweet. Iâd been holding back from saying it for a few weeks.â
âMe too,â he says. âBut I meant to say it not during sex.â
âOh well,â you shrug, not a care in the world. âYou still can.â
âOh, I will,â he promises. âI will say it all the time just to make up for this.â
âThereâs nothing to make up for,â you assure him. âBut I wonât mind hearing it all the time.â
âGood,â he smiles, pressing a kiss to your lips. âAnd I meant what else I said, too. I really love it when you spend my money.â
âDoes that seriously get you going?â you giggle. âI didnât realize it was like that.â
âOf course it does,â he groans, feeling erection struggling to go down while heâs still inside you and talking about this. âI love it so much. And I love that you got this.â
âI look hot in it, huh?â you smirk. âIt being your favorite color was just a bonus.â
âThank you,â he says, hands roaming again, tracing the lace details again, as if he hadnât spent the last hour doing that. âI think we might need another shower.â
âMm, probably a good idea,â you nod. âCan I ride you?â
He groans again, head falling back into your neck. âIf you even let me make it to the bathroom, then yeah. Sure, baby. You can ride me.â
âThen letâs go!â you laugh, trying to shove him off of you. âYouâre going to have to help me get out of this. Iâm not even sure how I got into it.â
He lifts his head, licking his lips as his eyes scan your body. âIâve got it. Donât worry.â
ABIENCE ââË.â â rhysand
(n.) the strong urge to avoid someone or something
soft!dark!rhysand x fem!highfae!reader
You have spent your entire life knowing that one day, you might belong to Rhysand.
cw: mdni, dark(ish) themes, possessive/obsessive behaviour, big fat power imbalance, arranged marriage kinda trope, reader is terrified of rhys, feyre and him aren't mates in this story, problematic themes overall
a/n: writing rhys is so fun
You had been promised to Rhysand long before you understood what marriage even meant.
It was one of those facts that simply existed. Like the Sidra. Like starlight. Like the mountains surrounding Velaris.
Something decided by adults in rooms you were never permitted to enter and discussed over wine while children played elsewhere.
Your father had been one of the Night Court's most trusted courtiers. One of the few males Rhysand's father had genuinely respected.
The agreement had been reached when you were barely old enough to speak in complete sentences.
If Rhysand did not find his mate by the time you came of age, if fate did not intervene with its unpredictable hand, then you would marry.
It wasn't uncommon. It was the sort of arrangement noble families made every day.
Only there was one small problem.
You were completely and utterly terrified of Rhysand.
The first time you remembered meeting him, you had been perhaps sixteen, young enough to still hide behind your father whenever unfamiliar people addressed you.
Rhysand had already been well over a century old. Already taller than most males in the room. Already powerful enough that people unconsciously moved aside when he entered. Already carrying himself like someone destined to rule.
You remembered peeking around your father's shoulder, and seeing violet eyes settle on you.
Gods.
You had nearly died, not literally. But your heart had certainly attempted to flee your body.
Rhysand had smiled at you, a slow curve of his lips that was equal parts amusement and something else entirely, something you were far too young and far too sheltered to identify. And you had immediately hidden again.
The sound of his laughter had followed you all evening.
From that moment onward, you had spent most of your life avoiding him at all cost.
When he returned from training in the Illyrian mountains, you disappeared. When he attended court functions, you developed sudden illnesses. When your father informed you that Rhysand wished to spend time with you, you found increasingly ridiculous excuses.
Once, you had claimed you needed to reorganize your books, all three hundred of them, alphabetically, by color, and then by height. Another time, you insisted that a particular flowerpot in the garden required your immediate and undivided attention, as it had been looking "rather sad" lately.
Your father had nearly laughed himself sick.
Rhysand, unfortunately, had only smiled.
"You know," he'd said conversationally while watching you attempt to disappear behind a particularly decorative shrub, "I'm beginning to think she's avoiding me."
You had nearly tripped over your own feet.
Your father had sighed into his wine. "You frighten her."
Rhysand's gaze had remained exactly where you stood frozen.
"I know."
Nothing more, just that quiet, god-forsaken certainty he'd always possessed.
It only made everything worse.
He never chased you. Never cornered you. Never insisted you stay. He simply watched you flee with the endless patience of someone entirely unconcerned by the distance between you.
Like he had all the time in the world. Perhaps he did.
You certainly didn't. You couldn't help it.
He was overwhelming, even then. Before becoming High Lord. Before the reputation of being the most powerful male in Prythian.
He had possessed a presence unlike anyone else.
And whenever those impossible violet eyes settled on you, it felt as though he saw entirely too much.
So you hid. And he watched. Patiently, always patiently, because he had never been anything else when it came to you.
Years passed. Then decades. Then centuries.
Your father died. Soon after the tragedy that took both his sister and mother, Rhysand's father followed.
And suddenly the terrifying heir became High Lord.
The entire Night Court shifted beneath his command. Cassian became General. Azriel became Spymaster. Amren became his second-in-command. Mor his third-in-command.
The Inner Circle slowly took shape around him. They were warriors, leaders, survivors, bound together by blood, battle, and an unshakeable devotion to their High Lord. They had fought in wars long before you were born, had bled and killed and nearly died for the court they loved.
And somehow, there was you.
You had no idea what your place among them was supposed to be. You couldn't fight, couldn't spy, couldn't command armies. Had never even stepped foot on a battlefield. While they carried centuries of scars, your life had remained sheltered, peaceful and safe. You often felt like an accidental addition to a group you had no business belonging to.
Still, when Rhysand informed you that you too would be moving into the Town House, you weren't exactly surprised.
But disappointed. Hopeful, perhaps, because some foolish part of you had whispered that maybe, just maybe, the arrangement would die alongside your fathers. That Rhysand would become too busy, too occupied ruling an entire court, too distracted by the weight of his new responsibilities to remember an agreement made centuries ago.
You had been wrong.
Instead, your belongings were packed. Your room prepared. Before you knew it, you found yourself living beneath the same roof as the most powerful male in Prythian.
And your future remained exactly where it had always been; tied to Rhysand. The subject unspoken of, but always present. Neither of you discussed it. You certainly weren't brave enough to. And RhysandâŠRhysand never seemed interested in forcing the conversation.
Which, somehow, was even more unnerving. It was as though he had already decided the ending and was merely waiting for the story to catch up to his expectations.
You spent years navigating around him, around all of them. Growing closer to the Inner Circle while never quite feeling like one of them.
Mor dragged you shopping until your feet ached and your stomach hurt from laughing. Cassian annoyed you relentlessly and somehow made you feel more like a younger sister than an outsider. Azriel appeared silently whenever you needed help. Even Amren grew strangely fond of you, though she would sooner drink spoiled blood than admit it aloud.
You loved them, truly.
But there was always a distance, an invisible line. Because they belonged to one another in a way you never quite did.
Then Amarantha came. And when Rhysand was trapped Under the Mountain, the world changed in ways you couldn't fully comprehend.
For fifty years he was gone.
The strangest thing about those years was discovering how much space he'd occupied in your life.
Because suddenly he wasn't there. No deep laughter drifting through the Town House late at night. No familiar feeling of awareness prickling over your skin whenever he happened to look your way.
Nothing.
And somehow his absence felt larger than his presence had.
You hated admitting that. Especially to yourself.
You had expected to feel relief. Instead, you found yourself pausing whenever anyone mentioned Under the Mountain. Listening a little too carefully whenever the others talked of Amarantha.
Sometimes, standing on the balcony of the Town House long after everyone else had gone to sleep, you caught yourself staring toward the horizon, wondering whether someone like Rhysand could truly be broken.
Whether anything in the world was capable of dimming a force that had always seemedâŠinevitable.
The answer, it seemed, was yes. Though not entirely.
During those decades, life continued in Velaris. It had to. The city endured, and the Inner Circle protected Velaris with fierce determination, ensuring that Amarantha's corruption never touched the hidden sanctuary Rhysand had so carefully build.
The Town House remained full. JustâŠquieter. Even Cassian laughed a little less.
For the first time in your life, the future felt strangely unwritten. There was no Rhysand quietly existing at the edge of every decision, no overwhelming presence unconsciously shaping the rhythm of your days.
And somewhere during those fifty years, you began building something that belonged solely to you.
Your own friends. Your own routines. Your own apartment.
The apartment had been a battle. Not a dramatic one. There hadn't been any shouting or arguments. Just subtle resistance, the kind Rhysand's family excelled at, the kind that wore you down through sheer persistence, until surrender seemed easier than insisting otherwise.
Cassian had argued that you would be safer at the Town House, that being alone made you vulnerable. Mor had worried that you would become isolated. Azriel had said nothing, but you had felt the weight of his disapproving silence like a physical presence.
Amren, surprisingly, was the one who sided with you. "Let her go," she had said, her voice flat and disinterested. "She's not a child. If she wants to live alone, she should be allowed to."
Eventually, they relented.
You got your apartment. Under the compromise that you would stay at the Town House at least twice a week, a promise you gradually became worse and worse at keeping.
Because your apartment represented freedom. Limited freedom, certainly, but freedom nonetheless. It was a space that belonged entirely to you, filled with books you had chosen, plants you liked and paintings you had admired.
You built a life entirely separate from Rhysand. Or as separate as it could truly be.
Cassian still dropped by unexpectedly under increasingly transparent excuses. Azriel's shadows somehow always seemed to know when you walked home alone. Mor continued dragging you to Rita's whenever she decided you'd spent too many evenings hiding with a book.
You loved them for it. Even if it occasionally felt suspiciously coordinated.
Sometimes at Rita's, you watched Mor flirt openly with strangers. Watched her laugh, choose whichever male caught her interest that evening, and leave with him without a backward glance. Watched her return the following day like nothing had happened, no explanations required, no apologies offered.
You wondered what that kind of freedom felt like.
What it might be like to someday find your person. Not a future husband selected by men long gone. Not something arranged through politics. Not the High Lord.
Someone yours. Someone who chose you. Someone you chose back.
You held onto that dream stubbornly.
Even when Cassian scared away half the males who approached you. Even when Azriel's learned the identities of every male who expressed interest.
Even when part of you suspected Rhysand would never truly allow another male near you. Not even from beneath a mountain.
You still hoped.
Because fifty years was a very long time. Long enough, you told yourself, for promises to fade. Long enough for old arrangements to lose their meaning.
Long enough to believe that perhaps, when Rhysand finally returnedâif he returnedâeverything would be different.
Then fifty years ended. And the world changed. Without your knowledge, without your permission, without warning.
You were finishing dinner with your friends when Rhysand returned, a mundane moment interrupted by the sudden, inexplicable certainty that something had shifted in the Night Court.
You felt something deep beneath your ribs tighten so suddenly it stole the air from your lungs, though you could not have named it then as anything more than unease, a strange, inexplicable wrongness threading through your thoughts like a hand brushing over the back of your neck.
Rhysand had returned.
The entire Inner Circle was gathered at the Town House when it happened.
Everyone, except you.
You wouldn't learn exactly how furious he had been until later, how he had appeared in the Town House, exhausted and damaged and barely holding himself together. How he had embraced his family, his warriors, his closest confidants. How he had looked around the room, noting each familiar face, his expression growing darker with every moment that passed. How he asked one question.
"Where is she?"
No one dared to answer.
You were not there.
Which, to Rhysand, became the only answer that mattered.
You would not learn later how still he had gone after that moment. How every trace of relief, every fragment of survival, every hard-earned breath Under the Mountain had been set aside like something irrelevant.
How he had simply asked again, calmer, slower this time.
"Where?"
And how no one had been able to answer him immediately because the implication of what it meant to return without you in sight had not yet settled properly into words.
By the time you unlocked your apartment door later that evening, your hand was trembling. You noticed it, and frowned faintly at yourself, blamed the long day, the wine you'd shared over dinner, anything except the truth your body was already beginning to understand.
He was already waiting, seated in your chair, legs crossed elegantly. Surrounded by shadows and looking impossibly beautiful, impossibly dangerous, and impossibly alive.
And when he looked at you, you stopped breathing entirely.
For a moment you couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but stare at the male you had been running from your entire life.
You had imagined this reunion a thousand times. None of those fantasies involved him being angry.
His gaze was already fixed on you, dark and intense and burning with something you couldn't quite identify. Something that made your skin prickle with awareness, your heart pound in your chest, your knees threaten to give out beneath you.
"You weren't home," was the first thing he said.
Home. You weren't sure if the Town House had ever truly felt like home.
"IâŠ" Your voice came out embarrassingly small. "N-No."
You could see the muscle in his cheek twitch, the way something in him tightened at the sound of your voice. His gaze moved over you then, reassuring himself that you were real. That you were unharmed. That after fifty years, he had finally made it back to you.
Then the bond snapped. And the world exploded.
Mate
The word echoed through every part of you.
Mate Mate Mate
You had imagined the mating bond before. Dreamed of it, even. Wondered what it might feel like to experience that cosmic connection, that magical recognition, that perfect union of two souls meant for each other. You had imagined warmth and certainty and joy.
Not this.
Not your entire soul lurching forward as if recognizing something it had spent centuries searching for. Not your knees nearly giving out. Not your heart breaking and healing simultaneously.
Across the room, Rhysand had frozen. For the first time in your life, you saw him stripped utterly bare. Shock, wide and unguarded flashed across his face. Relief so profound it nearly stole your breath.
Then something else crept into his expression. Something infinitely more possessive. Something that made your blood run cold. The expression terrified you. Because suddenly every fear you'd ever carried became real.
You had wanted a mate. You had dreamed of one.
But not like this. Not someone who already had a claim on your future. Not someone powerful enough to remove every alternative.
Tears burned your eyes, and you stumbled backward.
His face immediately changed. Something wary entered his expression. Like he recognized exactly what was happening inside your head.
You hated that. Hated that he knew you so well.
And when he took a step toward you, you ran. Actually ran. One heartbeat he stood across the room. The next you were lunging for the front door. Not because you thought you could outrun him.
Because prey ran. It was instinct. Pure, thoughtless instinct.
You barely reached the door, before a solid body blocked your path. You slammed directly into his hard chest.
A startled noise escaped you as his strong hands closed around your waist, steadying you before you could fall. Your palms landed flat against his chest. The entire thing happened so quickly your mind struggled to process it.
For one awful second, all you could think was that if he'd wanted to, he could have caught you before you'd even taken the first step.
"Mm," he murmured quietly above you, almost to himself. "So that's how we're starting?"
Your heart stopped. Then immediately started trying to beat its way out of your chest.
His voice was not raised, not sharp, not even angry. Nothing about this situation had surprised him at all. As though he had already seen every possible version of this moment and chosen the one where you were in his arms anyway.
His hands remained around your waist, not tightening, not pulling, only there, steadying you. It somehow felt far more intimate than if he'd held you tightly.
You throat bobbed.
His eyes followed the movement instantly.
The invisible thread seemed to hum, warmer now, heavier, like it was settling into place with growing certainty that made your chest tighten painfully.
Slowly, deliberately, he loosened his grip.
You immediately stepped backward.
Rhys let you. He simply released you enough that you could move, though the space between you did not truly feel like space at all, because he followed the motion with nothing more than a subtle shift of his body, as though he had already accounted for exactly how far you might go.
As though he had already measured every possible escape you might attempt.
"I need you to breathe." The words were impossibly gentle.
You hated how your body obeyed. Air filled your lungs in one shaky inhale. His shoulders eased. Just slightly. As though your breathing had been affecting him too.
"You don't have to run," he said. His voice was quieter now, more careful.
You looked at him, really looked.
At the tension beneath that impossible composure. At the tremor in the fingers hanging motionless beside his thighs. At the way his chest expanded a fraction too deeply before every sentence. Like speaking calmly required conscious effort. Like there was something inside him straining so violently against its leash that even breathing had become work.
"Would you let me reject the bond?" The question slipped out before you could stop it.
The answer arrived instantly. Not through words. Through his expression, through the absolute steel in his eyes.
No. No, he wouldn't.
Your heart sank.
Rhysand's gaze dropped for half a heartbeat. Not to your face or your hands. But to you. Like he was seeing you in a way he had never allowed himself before.
"I need you to listen to me," he spoke, his voice even lower than before. Somehow that made it infinitely more dangerous.
"I know this isn't what you wanted." He paused, "I know. And I know you're frightened."
Something had slipped through his control like a breath he hadn't meant to let out.
"But I have waited for you for a very long time."
The words landed too softly. Because nothing about the way he was looking at you matched softness at all. His gaze held yours, unblinking and steady. Patient in a way that made your skin crawl.
"As for what happens next," he murmured quietly, a faint shift in his stance barely perceptible, "you are going to hate me for a while."
A beat passed.
"And I will still be here."
Still, he did not move closer, did not touch you. Your gaze landed briefly to the front door. To the impossible distance between it and you. To the male standing in the way. You knew for a fact, that if he decided you weren't leaving, the door might as well not have existed.
As if he'd read your thoughts, Rhys followed your gaze, and one corner of his mouth twitched. It wasn't amusement, not quite. Something rougher, something honest.
"That," he said, "is a different conversation."
That expression returned. The one that made him seem less like a High Lord and more like a male who had been starving for far too long.
Then, just as quickly, control slammed back into place. His throat bobbed. A swallow. A very mortal gesture.
And somehow that affected you more than anything else.
You forced your shoulders to relax. It didn't work.
The connection stretched taut.
Your weight shifted forward without you meaning it to, just slightly. A fraction of movement, the kind your body made when something inside you leaned before thought could stop it. Toward him.
It was not even conscious. Not a decision rationally made. Just the bond, pulling like gravity disguised as instinct.
And yet the effect on him was immediate. Rhysand went utterly still. Like the world had narrowed to that single, almost imperceptible motion. His breath changed. A sharp inhale that he did not fully complete. His hands flexed once, slowly. Like he was physically stopping himself from doing something he had already begun to prepare for.
"Don't," he said, the word quiet.
But it was not directed at you. It seemed to be directed inward, at himself.
You froze, heart suddenly too loud.
"I didn'tâ" you started, confused, because you hadn't meant to move at all.
"I know," he interrupted gently. Rhysand took a deep breath. "But I am asking you to be careful anyway."
You frowned. "I don't understand."
"No." A faint smile ghosted across his mouth. "I don't suppose you do."
The restraint was suddenly louder than anything else in the room.
Rhysand exhaled slowly. His shoulders lowered by a fraction, like he was forcing himself back into himself. Back into control. Back into the version of him you had always known.
But now you had seen the crack. And cracks did not disappear once you noticed them. They only became harder to unsee.
"You are going to make this difficult," he sighed quietly. It almost sounded like amusement, almost.
But underneath it, there was something else. Something that made you want to clench your thighs together.
And then, softer again, "I already know I wonât mind."
â risaablr ! all rights reserved
it's a little bit messy | jack abbot
jack abbot x younger!reader âËê©ïœĄ 18+ MDNI !
summary: abbotâs hand shouldâve never ended up between your thighsâbecause now youâre both trying to pretend it meant nothing, and neither of you is getting very far. [can be read as a standalone, but it's a loose pt 2 of this fic]
warnings: smut! car sex, panties being ripped, abbot yearns to the point of concern because he's down BAD for reader, reader cheats at beer pong & UNO because she can, a lil bit of angst but they fuck nasty so it's ok! thumb sucking, a lil bit of drooling, BITING, age gap implied, bad decisions being made, creampie (dont be like them), sexual tension, reader can't decide what she wants so abbot natrually fucks the decision into her á°.á
wc: 7.9k
Abbot was certain you were avoiding him. It was the only explanation that made any kind of sense. Itâd be impressive if it werenât so annoying, the way you kept managing to be somewhere else the second he came into view. Turning corners like youâd just remembered something urgent, suddenly very invested in literally any patient that wasnât his.Â
He could stop it. Heâs your superior, he could just tell you to assist him with a patient, heâd even take the scraps of your attention if it was just to discuss something medical. All heâd have to do is say your name in that tone and youâd come over, all professional and tight around the edges, and help him like youâre supposed to.Â
He doesnât, though.
Which is its own kind of pathetic.
Because apparently the possibility of you looking at him like heâs something youâd rather not touch is enough to keep him quiet. Enough to have him standing there, fully aware of whatâs happening, and letting it happen anyway.
He knows why youâre doing it. Thereâs no mystery there, no confusion or theories he could hide behind. He crossed a line. A very clear, very avoidable line, and he crossed it like he wasnât thinking.Â
His hand shouldâve never ended up between your thighs.Â
For a lot of reasons. One, because heâs had the temptation for months and somehow managed to keep it under control until now, which makes this feel less like a mistake and more like a failure of character. And two, because he knewâknewâit was never going to be a one-off for him, no matter what the two of you said at the time.
Youâre not the kind of girl who should settle for something casual, and heâs too damn old to be the kind of man who makes you come and sends you on your way, like thatâs all there is to it. Heâd want to make you breakfast, take you out to dinner, make space for you. Literally. A drawer at the very least.Â
Which, when he actually thinks about it, is a problem in itself.
The whole thing was a bad idea from the start.
And judging by the way youâve been treating him since, youâve come to your own conclusion about it. Pretend it didnât happen, and hope it quietly dies if you starve it of attention.Â
And it pains him that you seem to be doing that so effortlessly.Â
Because he canât get away from it. Not at work, especially not at home, not even in the stupid in between moments where his brain should be empty for once.Â
His kitchen, for example, is now completely unusable in any normal, mentally stable way. Even when heâs making his coffee, all he can seem to hear are the breaths and whimpers of you coming on his fingers, and not at all the beans being ground.
His shower is something else entirely. He canât even wash in peace anymore, which feels like a new low. All it takes is one stray thought and heâs right back there, stuck on you admitting that you touched yourself in there.Â
He canât even pretend these thoughts are occasional either. Theyâre constant. Always there. Even when he tries his hardest to drown them out. Which, again, is not ideal, given his job requires a baseline level of focus he is currently failing to maintain.
âEarth to Abbot. What do you want to do?â Shen asks, eyebrows raised, elbows and gown smeared with blood. âYouâve just completely dissociated on me, man.â
Abbot blinks. âRight,â he clears his throat. âOkayâno, weâre not happy with that. Suction.â
Shen passes it without comment, though thereâs a look there. Curiosity? Mild concern?Â
âBP?â Abbot asks.
âEighty-five systolic and dropping.â
He exhales through his nose, refocusing. âWeâve still got a slow bleed somewhere. Pack that for a secondâno, properly, youâre not putting enough pressure on it. There.â He adjusts Shenâs hand without thinking. âHold it like you mean it.â
Abbot was getting increasingly irritated as the night dragged on.Â
Usually that irritation worked in his favour, making him quicker and more precise, less tolerant of mistakes, including his own. It was useful.Â
Not tonight though.Â
Tonight that irritation sat under his skin, and refused to morph into anything productive. He wasnât doing anything wrong, but nothing felt right either. And on top of that, there was an endless stream of patients, the usual rotation of problems that should be routine by now, but somehow tonight they felt entirely foreign. His hands didnât even feel like they were attached to him properly.Â
And his thoughts, all they seemed to do was circle back to you.Â
The worst part of it all was that you were the one who said it was a one-off, implying you could both return to some sense of normalcy after that night, but you were doing everything that made him feel the opposite.
âCome get me if anything changes,â he says, voice clipped enough that Diaz doesnât even try to say anything back, just nods like he knows better.Â
His gown comes off in a rough pull, fabric sticking slightly before it gives, not even close to white anymore. Gloves go next, snapped off quick, dropped wherever.
He doesnât even really think about where heâs going until he spots you. Your backâs turned, which means you havenât had the chance to clock him and disappear yet. Thereâs a second where he considers leaving it. Just walking the other way. But heâs never really been particularly good at making sensible decisions when it comes to you.Â
âYou got a sec?â he calls out.Â
You turn, distracted at first, and then do a double take when it clicks that, yes, heâs actually talking to you. âMe?â you ask, pointing at yourself. âSurgery has already been paged twice for my patient in bay one.â
He almost sighs at that. Not because itâs wrong, but because of course itâs something thatâs already spiralled into multiple specialties and escalating calls and everyone pretending theyâre not responsible for it.
âYeah,â he says anyway, stepping closer before he can overthink it, then lowers his voice. âNot about that.â
âRight,â you drag out slowly, like youâre trying to decide whether thatâs better or worse.Â
A trolley clatters somewhere behind you, someone swears, an alarm rings before itâs quickly switched off. The department keeps on moving like it always does, indifferent to anything happening between the two of you.Â
Abbot looks down the corridor, exhales through his nose and looks back at you. âJustâfive minutes. Somewhere that isnât here.â
You nod, fingers drifting up without thinking, fidgeting with a necklace tucked under your scrubs. Youâre wearing a yellow undershirt today. He tries not to think about that too much.
âBathroom?âÂ
You nod again. âYeah, okay. Lead the way.â
He does just that, hoping you donât vanish the second he turns his back to you.
You donât.
That alone feels like a small victory.Â
He pushes the door open, holds it long enough for you to slip in first, then follows after you, turning the lock.Â
Suddenly it feels a lot more intimate than Abbot intended, especially considering what happened the last time the two of you were left to your own devices. Youâre leaning against the sink and counter, thighs shifting slightly from the pressure of it, filling out your scrubs in a way that makes his mouth go dry for a second before he can stop it.
He drags his eyes back up to your face, hand scratching at his stubble. âYouâve been avoiding me.â Itâs meant to sound like an accusation, but it doesnât land as one. Instead it sounds like something heâs been holding in his mouth too long, wrong shaped and stripped of any pride.Â
âIânot intentionally. Itâs just been a busy week.â
âPlease donât lie to me.â
You break eye contact, hand falling from your necklace as you let out a small sigh.Â
âOkay,â you admit eventually, softer. âMaybe I have been.â
âWhy?â
âYou know why.â
He nods, swallowing. âDo you regret what happened that night?â he asks and you still canât quite meet his gaze.Â
You bite the inside of your cheek.Â
âDo you?â he presses, a little quicker now, like if he doesnât keep moving the question forward itâll get stuck in him. âBecause thatâs the only reason I can think of you going out of your way to avoid me. We canât even act professional at work?â
âI have been professional,â you argue reflexively.Â
âAre you going to answer my first question?â
He watches your face like he can find the answer there before you say it, like heâs already halfway convinced heâs not going to like it but needs you to say it anyway.
âBecause if you do,â he adds reluctantly, âthen I need to know. So I can stop making it worse for you.â
âOf course I donât regret it,â you answer like itâs the most obvious thing and he feels his chest loosen. âWe said itâd be a one-off and Iâm just trying to find the best way to work around that.â
âAnd you think this is the best solution?â
âObviously not if youâre cornering me in the bathroom.â
Itâs meant to be a joke but neither of you laugh.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says immediately. âI crossed a line that night and I shouldnât have done it and itâs completely my fault for even putting us in this position, Iââ
âDonât do that,â you cut him off and he raises his brow at the interruption. âDonât make this out to be something itâs not. It wasnât just you that crossed a line, I did too, more than you. Please stop making it sound like something I was forced into.â You pause, taking in a breath, wiping your palms on your thighs. âI donât regret what happened. The only regret I have is that it clearly canât happen again. And I'm sorry that Iâve been avoiding you. It's obviously not working in the way I intended.â
Clearly canât happen again.
Youâre not wrong. Youâre not. It canât happen, there are actual rules about this, policies written in language so dry it makes your eyes glaze over but still very real, still very much enforceable, and it would completely jeopardise your future if anyone got wind of the two of you. Whether it turned into something serious or stayed exactly what it was that night in his kitchen two weeks ago, it wouldnât matter. It would still be a problem. A big one.
He knows that. Of course he knows that.
Yet his brain doesnât quiteâŠstop there. Doesnât neatly file it under sensible and move on like it should. Instead it lingers on the wording, on the way you said it.
Canât.
Not donât want to. Not even shouldnât.
Your only regret is that you canât do it again.Â
Which might actually make him go clinically insane. Manic. Deranged. Because itâs clear now, isnât itâthe both of you want this, but canât have it without consequences that would only land on you.Â
âYeahâŠyouâre right.â Is all he manages at first, then scratches the back of his neck, and when he looks back up youâre actually meeting his gaze and holding it properly. Longer than you have in the past two weeks. âCan we find a way to move past it without you ignoring me?â
Your face warps slightly, an immediate telltale thing you do when youâre trying to bite back a smile.
âWhat is it?â he asks, narrowing his eyes.Â
You shake your head. âNothing.â
âYouâre laughing at me.â
You shrug. âIf Iâd known giving you the silent treatment was this effective, I wouldâve enforced it months ago.â
âGood to see youâre back to making jokes at my expense again.â
âClearly you missed it.â
Thereâs silence again, and if heâs serious about getting the two of you back to something resembling normal, heâs going to have to stop doing thatâletting every word you say lodge somewhere in his head and sit there, overanalysed to death. Because he did miss it, and he needs to stop acting soâŠweird about it.Â
âMaybe.â
You smile at him, pushing yourself off the sink. âYou going to Ellisâs housewarming this weekend?â
âWasnât planning to.â
âWhy not?â
He pulls a face, turning towards the door. âNot really my thing.â
âWell why donât you come,â you press lightly, âwe could hang. Be normal about things.â
His head tilts a fraction, like heâs checking he heard you right and also like heâs trying not to read into it at the same time. âHang?âÂ
âYes. Hang. Thatâs what friends slash work colleagues do. Hang out socially with other people.â
He nods, fingers finding the lock. âIâll try and stop by.âÂ
Even as he says it, thereâs still a brief sliver of doubt, because itâs probably not wise, but then again, what could possibly go wrong this time? What line could the two of you cross in a house full of people, full of noise and movement, nowhere private, nowhere for anything to accidentally tip into something else?
When Saturday finally came, Abbot didnât really get a chance to second-guess going because Shen was already outside his place, leaning on the horn like he couldnât cope with even a second of silence. Which would make sense if they were running late. They werenâtâŠShen just got the time wrong.Â
Ellis didnât seem to mind when the two of them turned up an hour before everyone else was meant to arrive though, not with how quickly she put both men to work helping her set up.
In fact, when people did start showing up, it sort of worked in Abbotâs favour. He could stay long enough for you to see heâd made an appearance, then slip out early with a perfectly reasonable excuse of being there early and helping set up.Â
Itâs a win-win, all thanks to Shenâs poor time management for once lining up in his favour.Â
Heâs halfway through nursing a lukewarm beer thatâs gone as flat as a puncture by the time you show up, a large basket balanced in your hands.
Everyone else had brought the usual, bottles and more bottles, nothing you have to think about too hard. But from where Abbotâs standing your basket was filled to the brim with actual things youâd need when moving into a new place. Blanket, food, cleaning supplies, probably an overpriced scented candle nestled somewhere in there.Â
Heâs not surprised. Youâre always showing up over-prepared for even the smallest of things. He takes another sip of the beer and quickly regrets it, eyes drifting back to you before he can stop them.
You donât notice him straight away, too busy unpacking the basket and explaining everything you brought to Ellis. She looks genuinely grateful, keeps nodding along, but about halfway through she cuts you off, takes the basket from you and dumps it on the counter, then grabs your wrist and drags you towards the drinks like sheâs saving you from yourself.
And he justâŠwatches.Â
Not in a weird way. He tells himself that at record speed. He just canât seem to help the habit thatâs formed of tracking you in every room.Â
Ellis pours you a glass of whatever Shenâs attempted to pass off as sangria, watching you take a sip, face scrunching up almost immediately.Â
He huffs quietly to himself, shifting his weight, fully aware of how this must look from the outside. Him standing off to the side, completely blanking Robby whoâs right there, still talking, mouth moving, hands doing something vaguely animated, and Abbot hasnât caught a single word of it. Not one.Â
âWe donât sleep with the residents, man.âÂ
Abbot does a double take, like heâs been caught mid-thought and dragged back too fast. âWhat?â
Robby doesnât even look at him, just tips his beer in your direction. âYouâre practically fucking her with your eyes and she hasnât even put her bag down.â
He scoffs, taking a sip of beer to buy him some time.Â
âIâve already got Gloria breathing down my neck about budgets and patient satisfaction,â Robby goes on, âI donât need her adding fraternisation to the list.â
âNothingâs happening.â
âYeah?â
âYeah.â
âShame,â Robby adds, almost idly. âBecause if this is you not doing anything, Iâd hate to see what it looks like when you actually are.â
âWhat, now youâre encouraging me?âÂ
Robby snorts, shaking his head. âNo. Iâm just sayingâif there is anything happening, keep it the hell out of the ER.â
âThereâs nothing going on, man. You can drop it,â he mutters, knocking back the rest of his beer as he spots you walking over, unsure whether thatâs the best decision with what Robbyâs currently insinuating.Â
âOkay, well, I donât need to be privy to this conversation,â Robby sighs, noticing you heading their way. âIâd like some plausible deniability.â
Robby gives you a quick nod as you pass him, then veers off towards Dana without another word, leaving Abbot standing there with absolutely nothing to hide behind, nowhere to look except you.Â
Youâre wearing a sundress again.Â
And his brain justâŠmalfunctions for a second. Thereâs a slight lag when his eyes fixate on the way the material sits against your hips, the neckline lower, the hem shorter than the one heâs seen you in before. Itâs stupid how quickly he notices it, how it registers before he can even think to stop it.
This is exactly what Robby was talking about, and heâs stood here proving him right, fully incapable of acting like a normal person for five seconds when youâre in front of him.
âEllis said you helped set up,â you say, coming up beside him. âThat was nice of you.â
âDidnât really have a choice, she had us working the second we stepped through the front door. Didnât even get a tour or anything.â
âIs that why you decided to give everyone alcohol poisoning with the sangria?â
Abbot laughs, setting his drink down on the fireplace. âThat was all Shen.â
Thereâs a stench of silence and it makes him realise how bad the two of you are now at this whole normalcy thing. There never used to be silences like this, not ones that felt like either person was thinking about something else. The obvious elephant in the room, even to Robby apparently.
âWeâre setting up a round of beer pong,â Shen announces, appearing out of nowhere with a red cup filled to the brim with his sangria. âNext round is me and Ellis against you twoââ he points between you and Abbot. âBe there or be square.â
Abbot glances at the cup, then back at Shen. âHow about you be sober since youâre my ride?â
âYou can just catch a ride with Robby,â Shen shrugs. âHe drove.â
He shakes his head because he knew this would happen. Shen is the least reliable method of transport known to man. Abbotâs half surprised he even makes it to his shifts on time.
âYou playing?â you ask, glancing between him and Shen.
âI wasnât planning on it.â
Shen groans. âYouâre both playing. Iâve already decided.â
Abbot has come to realise that youâre actually really good at beer pong. Whether thatâs down to your aim or just sheer desperation to avoid drinking whatever the hell Shenâs made, heâs not entirely sure. Either way, the two of you are winning.
Which should be what heâs focusing on.
It isnât.
Because you keep leaning forward to line up your shots, bending over the table, one hand braced against the edge, the other hovering with the ball, squinting like itâs a matter of life or death. And itâs endearing how focused you get, how your tongue presses against your teeth, how you donât even seem aware of anything else when youâre aiming.
And heâs meant to be watching the cups. The game. Literally anything else.Â
Instead his eyes keep catching on the same things. The way the hem of your dress shifts when you bend, the brief flash of skin at the back of your thighs when you straighten and then lean again, the way your legs move when you step forward to grab the ball.Â
He drags his gaze back to the table just as you release the ball. It arcs cleanly and drops straight into one of Shenâs cups with a splash.Â
âNo fucking way,â Shen scoffs. âWe need to step our game up.â He nudges Ellis like sheâs personally responsible.
âYou need to step your game up,â she shoots back, grabbing the cup. âIâve been carrying you this whole time.â
Abbot can feel eyes burning into the side of his head. He turns enough to see Robby watching him with a smirk, shaking his head, as though Abbotâs hitting every milestone on a very predictable recovery plan, like a patient progressing exactly as expected. Which is irritating, because Abbot is not, in fact, improving.
He rolls his eyes at him and turns back to face you. âNice shot.â
âYeah?â You glance over at him, mouth tipping at the corner. âYou sure you saw it? You seem a little distracted.â
âDistracted? No, not at all,â he manages, which makes him sound like he was, indeed, distracted.Â
You donât comment though, just take a small step back so youâre beside him, shoulder brushing his as the two of you watch Ellis down the drink with visible regret before sheâs reaches for another ball.Â
âJesus,â you mumble under your breath. âSheâs going to hate us in the morning.â
âI already hate you,â she calls back, giving herself a dramatic shake like that might undo the damage. Ellis aims her ball like sheâs about to shoot, but Abbot sees you stepping to the side.Â
âEl, your footâs over the line,â you call out, all sweet and helpful.
She freezes mid-aim. âWhat?â
âYour foot,â you repeat, pointing vaguely. âYouâre fully cheating.â
âI am notââ Ellis glances down, shifting her stance to check.
The second she looks away from the cups, you go still beside him, lips pressing together like youâre trying not to laugh.
âJust shoot,â Shen groans. âIâm ageing.â
âI was about toââ Ellis snaps, readjusting, rushing it now. She throws the ball too quickly. It hits the rim and bounces straight off the table.
âYouâre full of shit,â Abbot mutters, just to you, eyes still on the table. âHer foot was not over the line.â
âIâm driving tonight.â You shrug, giving him a smile. âA girlâs got to do what she has to do.â
Ellis and Shen argue in front of you two, voices overlapping, something about angles, and you rushed me and you distracted me.Â
Abbot scoffs, looking at you. âI donât think Iâve ever seen anyone cheat at beer pong.â
âItâs okay to say youâre impressed. I wonât tell anyone.â
âI prefer to win fairly.â
âOh yeah,â you hum tauntingly. âI forgot youâre such a rule stickler. Always doing the right thing. Never crossing any lines.â
âOuch,â he clicks his tongue. âYou always get like this when youâre caught cheating at frat boy games?â
âLike what?â
He tilts his head, crossing his arms as he studies you. âI think thereâs a vein of rage popping on your forehead.â
âYeah? Nice of you to notice instead of trying to look up my dress all evening.â You give him a bratty smile, grabbing a ball and pressing it to his chest.Â
âThere she is,â Abbot hums, satisfied, because this version of you is exactly what he was waiting for. With this version thereâs no awkward push to get back to normal, no weird pauses where it feels like one of you should say something just to prove everythingâs fine. This is easier. You push, he pushes back. You get sharp, he gets worse.
Youâre too nice at work. Too polite. Too put together, all neat edges and carefully chosen words and that calm voice you use with patients that makes everything sound under control even when itâs not. And he likes that, he does, but thisâŠthis is better. This is you slipping a little, dropping it, letting him see the part that doesnât behave, doesnât follow the rules you keep going on about.Â
âYour turn,â you say, pressing the ball into his chest again. âTry not to miss.â
He takes it from you, hand covering yours before the ball settles in his grip. âLots of attitude for someone who needed to cheat two minutes ago.â
âI didnât need to,â you correct promptly, following him as he steps up to the table. âI just wanted to.â
âRight. That definitely makes it better.âÂ
âMy eyes are up here,â you remind him, tapping two fingers from your chest up to your face.
He wasnât actually gawking this time, but thatâs a weak defence considering every other time he has been, so he doesnât bother arguing with you.
âWouldnât want you getting distracted and making us lose.â
Several hours later, youâre pulling into Abbotâs driveway, the solar lights along the path flicking on like theyâve been waiting for him specifically. The engine idles for a second before you switch it off.Â
âThere you go.â
He unclips his seatbelt, keeping a hold of it as it slides back into the mechanism, his thumb pressing into the fabric. âThanks,â he says, glancing at you. âYou didnât have to.â
âWell it wouldâve been rude not to. Shenâs asleep on Ellisâs kitchen floor and Robby disappeared without saying goodbye.â
âYeah. Hope Ellis doesnât trip over him in the morning.â
It was meant to be quick. In and out. Show face, have a drink and leave early. But the opposite of that ended up happening, the majority of the night crew sticking around longer than the day shift. Now itâs later than he planned, and youâre here, in his driveway, with neither of you moving.
He should get out.
But youâre genuinely smiling at him, and heâs not sure he has the willpower to leave.Â
âYou had fun,â he notes, quieter than before.
âI did,â you confirm blithely. âYou?â
âMm.â He nods once, like thatâs enough of an answer. He glances down without meaning to, tracking the line of your milkmaid neckline where it dips as you move in your seat, and thatâs when he catches it.Â
A black card with a white outline peeking above the fabric. Something that looks suspiciously like one of the UNO cards Whitaker had insisted everyone play with. A game you somehow won three times in a row.Â
He huffs out a breath, not sure whether to be amused or surprised that youâd go that far to win a cards game meant for eight year olds. âYouâre unbelievable.â
 âWhat?â
âYouâre absolutely unbelievable,â he laughs dryly, turning towards you in the passenger seat. âYou cheated.â
You raise your brows, and he watches you physically fight the grin trying to break through. âAt beer pong?â
âYes, that too.â he replies, narrowing his eyes. âDonât play dumb.â
âI donât quite know what you mean.â
He gestures vaguely towards you, unsure how to phrase it without sounding insane. âYouâve got a card tucked in yourââ he cuts himself off, dragging a hand over his jaw. âYou know what I mean.â
âBra?â you supply for him.
âYes.â
âFunny, I don't seem to be wearing one.â
âJesus Christ you need to stop doing that,â he hisses, words coming out harsher than he intends. You have to be doing it on purpose at this point, thereâs no way youâre not aware of what youâre saying, what that does to him, how it lands and then just sits there in his head, repeating, expanding, getting worse the more he tries to ignore it.
Because now thatâs all he can think about, not the card, not the game, not anything remotely normal, just that. The fact you said it so casually, like itâs nothing, like it doesnât drag his attention right back down again, like he hasnât already had to physically pull his eyes back up to your face several times tonight.
âYouâre accusing me of hiding cards in a piece of clothing Iâm not wearing.â
âI saw it. Donât try and twist it.â
âIâm not twisting anything,â you reply, but thereâs that look again that tells him you know exactly what youâre doing to him. And, frankly, it's cruel.Â
âYou cheated,â he repeats, leaning in. âEveryone thinks youâre all nice and polite andââ he lets out a short, disbelieving breath, shaking his head. âYouâre a cheater. A serial cheater.â
Your brows lift, but instead of being offended, thereâs something else there, something that almost looks like interest. You undo your seatbelt, tilting your head. âYeah? What else?â
âYouâre manipulative.â
âWhat are you going to do? Pull my dress down and check?â
âIs that what you want?â
âI donât think thatâs a normal activity friends slash work colleagues doââ
âYou know damn well nothingâs been normal between us since that night. Youâre the one who said it was a one-off,â he goes on, because itâs been sitting there waiting to come out. âBut then you look at me like this and say things like that and expect me to justâwhat, ignore it?â
Your tongue darts out to wet your bottom lip and his hand tightens where itâs resting against his leg, fingers pressing into his own palm. âI didnât say ignore it.â
âThen what did you say?â
âThat it couldnât happen again.â
âRight. And this is you⊠sticking to that?â
You donât answer him, but youâre breathing has picked up.Â
âYeah,â he mutters to himself. âThought so.â
And then he just moves, like a car running every red light. His hand comes up, fingers firm at your jaw as he pulls you in, rougher than he means to be. The kiss lands messily, noses knocking, teeth catching because neither of you slow down enough to make it neat. It starts all wrong, rushed and badly aimed, with no patience from either of you to do it properly.
Thereâs a moment where he registers what heâs doing, where his brain catches up enough to go this is a bad idea, but then youâre kissing him back, deepening it, and that thought doesnât stand a chance.Â
He exhales against your mouth, thumb pressing into your jaw as he pulls you closer, like the extra inch matters, and it does, because the angle changes and your mouths fit better this time.Â
âCome here,â he murmurs, one hand sliding from your jaw to your neck while the other drops to your waist as he shifts, pulling you towards him. You let him, moving over the console, the whole thing awkward and uncoordinated, things getting knocked in the process, your knee bumping into him, his elbow catching against the door.
He makes a frustrated sound when you finally settle into his lap, like the movement wasnât fast enough, like even now heâs impatient, still pulling you closer once youâre there, his cock aching for friction.Â
âStill think this is a one-off?â he mumbles, words uneven, breaking between kisses as they drop from your mouth to your jaw, then lower.
Your fingers bunch in the fabric of his shirt, tugging it up, chasing the heat of his skin. You pull it over his head, your hands coming to rest on his shoulders as his dig into your hips.
âYouâre not very good at sticking to your own rules,â he adds, leaning in to press another wet kiss beneath your jaw. He sucks at the delicate skin before swiping his tongue over it to soothe.Â
âWeâwe bothââ you start, breath catching when his hand comes to palm your breast, ââagreed itâd be a one off.â
âNu-uh,â he tuts. âYou said youâd be able to move past it. I told you I couldnât.â His fingers hook into your dress, tugging it down, the off-the-shoulder sleeves giving just enough for the fabric to slip, exposing your chest to him.
Heâs imagined you like this more times than heâd ever admit, and heâs almost surprised he even registers the small cascade of UNO cards slipping free. The cards hit him, light taps against his stomach before theyâre sliding down between the both of you.Â
âYouâre fucking joking.âÂ
You just shrug, like itâs nothing, like youâre not currently straddling him with evidence of your cheating scattered in his lap. You shift to reposition yourself, and he feels it immediately, his cock aching to be inside of you.
âUnbelievable.â His hand lifts, coming up to your chest, fingers closing around your nipple as he pinches it between his thumb and index finger, his eyes dragging over you, taking you in like he doesnât know where to look first, like he wants all of it at once. âYou cheat, you lie, and then you justâwhatâsit here like this?â
You tip your head back at the feeling, and he follows, bringing his mouth closer, tongue swiping over the nub as he watches you through his lashes.
âYou donât seem that upset,â you slur, hand digging into his shoulder as you roll your hips against him.
âBaby, with the view I have right now, I donât think Iâd notice if someone dropped dead in front of me.â
A soft sound slips out of you, half laugh, half moan, and it only makes his jeans tighten. He swears under his breath, pressing his forehead against your shoulder like that might help. He needs to control himself. He has to. Heâs already finished in his pants prematurely like some horny teenager once before, and he really doesnât fancy doing it again unless itâs inside you.
âNeed your jeans off,â you mumble, hands reaching for his waistband, fingers deftly working the buttons.Â
âYeah? Think we might struggle in here.â
You shake your head, lifting yourself, balancing on your knees, the absence hitting him, a brief void he feels but doesnât dwell on, not when your hands are right there, working each button open one by one.
Without warning, your hand dips under the denim, and Abbot inhales sharply as you palm him through his boxers.
âHuh,â you breathe, a smug edge to it, and he already knows what youâre about to say, can feel it in the way his precum has soaked through the fabric. âHave you been this worked up the whole night?â
He lets out a strained laugh because heâs been caught out and doesnât have the energy or focus to deny it. His head tips back against the seat, eyes squeezing shut before he looks back at you.Â
âAnswer the question,â you press, your hand slipping underneath his boxers. Thereâs not much room for you to move, but the second your hand wraps around his cock, his breathing turns frantic, his hands digging harder into your hips.
âYeah,â he grunts. âBeen like this since you walked in.â
Your brows lift, impressed, like you werenât expecting him to actually say it. âGood.âÂ
You lean in to kiss him, and he tries his best to reciprocate, but all he manages are sloppy pants because your hand is still doing its best to pump him and he canât concentrate.
âHelp me out,â you murmur, biting his lip as you pull away. Your hands move to the waistband at his hips as you tug, and Abbot pushes himself up, giving you just enough space to drag his jeans and boxers down halfway to his thighs.
Your hand grips him properly now, sliding up and down his length, your thumb brushing over the tip. Your mouth parts as you do it, like youâre getting drunk on the sight of it, on getting him off. He finds himself thinkingâbriefly, unhelpfullyâabout what it would feel like to have your mouth on him instead. Whether youâd look the same. Whether youâd get that same faraway, intent expression.
But thereâs no space for that in your cramped car.
And heâd rather feel your pussy swallowing his cock instead.Â
His hand closes around your wrist, stopping your ministrations in one decisive move. âWait,â he says, though he doesnât actually give you time to respond.
Because then his mouth is on you instead.
Your dress is already pushed up, bunched carelessly at your waist, and his hands follow without needing to think about it, sliding underneath the fabric, mapping their way upward along your thighs with a familiarity that feelsâŠearned.
He finds what heâs looking for.
Hooks his fingers into it.
Then pulls.
It gives immediately, the rip louder than it should be in the enclosed space.Â
âAbbot!â you gasp. âWhat the hell?â
âThey were in my way. Sorry, baby.â
You blink at him, still catching up. âThey were expensive.â
âIâll get you new ones.â
âHow am I meant to drive home?â
Thatâapparentlyâis the wrong question.
He pulls back to look at you, and then he scoffs, quiet and disbelieving, like youâve said something so wildly off-base it doesnât even deserve a serious response.
âDrive home?â he repeats.
Thereâs a beat.
âYou think you get to just leave?â The question isnât really a question. âNot a chance.â His thumb finds your clit, applying light, deliberate pressure. His mouth follows, pressing a tender kiss to your neck. âYouâre spending the night,â he murmurs against your skin. âIâve got plenty of boxers.â
Another kiss. Slower this time.
âOr,â he adds, like heâs genuinely considering alternatives, âyou can walk around without anything at all.â His thumb circles your clit again. âI donât mind.â
You wither against him, your body registering the touch before your brain has had a chance to catch up. âJack,â you start, but it falls apart halfway through, the rest of it never quite assembling into anything usable.
He hums delicately against your neck, like heâs listening, like he might even care.
He doesnât stop, his thumb moving in an achingly slow rhythm. âYouâre thinking too much.â
âMânotââ
âYou are.â
You shake your head anyway and he doesnât accept that. His free hand comes up to your face, settling at your jaw, thumb just beneath your cheekbone. Not rough but not optional either. âLook at me.â
You do. A little slower than usual. A little softer around the edges. Like youâre already halfway gone somewhere else and heâs pulling you back just enough to see it.
âYou are,â he repeats, nodding once like that settles it. As though itâs something observable, not arguable. His thumb picks up the pace and he watches the moment it lands. The way your expression shifts around it. The delay. The way your focus slips, then tries to come back.
Interesting.Â
Thereâs something almost clinical in the way he tracks it, the small details, the cause and effect. Detached, if it werenât for the fact that his own breathing has started to change, slower but heavier, like heâs not as removed from it as heâd maybe prefer to be.
âThat feel good?â
You nod.Â
âSee?â he says, voice dropping. His other thumb drags slowly across your lips, catching on the slight part of them. He stops there, just for a second, feeling the warmth of your breath, the softness of it, like heâs deciding something.
âStop arguing with me.â
Thereâs a pause.
Then he presses his thumb into your mouth.
He feels the moment you take it, the way your lips close around it, the faint pressure of your teeth as you bite down.
âSit up for me, baby.â He reluctantly pulls his hand away from your warmth, only for it to settle on your hip instead, guiding you up gently. You meet him halfway, lifting yourself and grabbing him again, both of you glancing down as you line him up.
You press the head of his cock against your clit, rocking yourself against it.Â
âJesus,â he bites out, his thumb slipping out from your mouth with a thin string of drool stretching between. âSlowlyâgo slow.â
You nod, as you ease down, taking him in bit by bit.
Your nails dig into his shoulders, sharp enough to make him suck in a breath, and for a second he thinks about telling you to keep going until you draw blood but heâs not sure thatâs wise in your dazed state.Â
âFuck,â you grit, stopping yourself before youâre even halfway down him.
âToo much?â
âMhm.â
âSâokay,â he slurs, focusing on your puffy clit again, drawing slow circles, helping you take all of him. âYou can do it.â
His grip tightens at your hip, thumb pressing in harder as he watches you, completely locked in, like if he looks away for even a second he might miss something important. The way your face pinches. The way your breathing shifts.Â
âThatâs it,â he murmurs, softer now, coaxing more than anything. âYouâve got it.â He watches every inch of it, the slow give, the way your body takes him, the hesitation that never quite turns into stopping.
âYeah⊠there you go.â
Youâve bottomed out now, all of him deep inside you, gripping him so tight heâs not even sure how much longer he can last, and you havenât even started moving yet. He goes still, in an attempt to chase composure.
âDonâtââ he starts when he feels you shift, then stops, jaw tightening as he recalibrates. âJustâstay there a second.â
His forehead dips forward, almost brushing yours, his eyes half-lidded as he tries to steady himself through it.
âTell me when,â you whisper.Â
That nearly undoes him more than anything else.
Thereâs something about the way you say it. Gentle. Willing. Like youâre handing the control back to him without even thinking about it. Trusting him with it.Â
He leans in for a kiss, and itâs slower than the ones before. Thought-out. Intentional. All that earlier hunger still there, but pulled tight beneath the surface now, tempered by the fact that heâs already inside you.
It changes things.
Makes it heavier.
He presses in deeper, tongue sliding against yours, and you let out a broken whimper into his mouth. âGo ahead,â he says, pulling back enough to take in the way youâre looking at him now.Â
You lift your hips, then lower yourself again, and he can feel the way your body adjusts around himâyour walls clinging to his cock as you start to find a pace that works for you.Â
Abbot searches for your hips, guiding you, pushing you down onto him when you reach the base again, the curls there brushing against your clit.Â
Your eyes are screwed shut and he takes this time to watch you shamelessly, The sheen of sweat starting to gather along your forehead, the way your breath hitches every time he pushes you down just a bit further.
Itâs fucking euphoric.Â
You keep moving, whiningâhalf-words, curses, his name slipping in and outâas you pick up the pace, losing whatever rhythm you started with in favour of something needier.
âSuch a greedy girl,â he mutters, watching the way a slick ring of wetness gathers and drags along his cock as you bounce up and down, your cunt squeezing him so tight heâs grasping at straws to make sure you finish before him.
His thumb finds that sweet spot, making you go limp against him, your forehead sprawling against his shoulder.
âYesâkeep doing that,â you mewl, and heâs the kind of man who follows orders, even when heâs not sure heâs got anything left to give.
Your teeth sink into his shoulder, and it pulls a husked sound out of him.
âYeah? Thatâs what you do?â His hips meet yours, as he plunges in and out of you, feeling your thighs tighten and shake around him. âDidnât take you for a biter,â he mocks, but thereâs no surprise in it, in fact he sounds pleased.Â
You say something incoherent back and he just laughs. âGo on,â he encourages, tilting his head to the side to give you better access. âIf youâre going to do it, donât halfââ
He cuts himself off with a sharp exhale when you do, the pressure of it shutting him up completely.
âChristââ
âMâclose, Jackâso close.â
His head drops again, eyes finding you like he needs to see it, needs to confirm itâs actually happening and not something heâs made up to torture himself with later. âYou like that? Thatâs what gets you going?â
âYesâfuck, yes.âÂ
Abbot feels you tense around him, your movements losing whatever shape they had, turning messy as the two of you dissolve into nothing but a tangle of limbs and half-formed sentences. Fragments of words, sounds that donât even belong to language anymore.
You come undone with a cry, muffled against his skin thatâs probably raw and marked now, something heâll notice later. Your whole body tightens, then gives, your grip on him turning desperate while it rushes through you.Â
It hardly takes Abbot a minute before he follows, the sight of youâlike this, because of himâpushing him past whatever control he thought he still had. His hips jerk with a force that pulls a string of curses from him that are grunted into your hair, his cock twitching inside you as he thrusts into you one last time.
Thereâs no other sound for a few minutes, other than the two of you trying to catch your breath. Abbot can hear your heartbeat where youâre pressed against him, feel his own still thudding hard in his chest.
He leans back, resting his head against the seat, eyes closing.
âFuck, Iâm so sorry.â
His eyes open immediately at that because you sound horrified, like somethingâs gone wrong, and his stomach drops at the off chance youâre regretting all of this already.
âWhat?â he starts, already bracing for the worst.Â
He then follows your line of sight, your gaze fixed on his shoulder and immediately relaxes. â...That?â he asks, glancing back at you.Â
You wince, reaching up like youâre not sure whether to touch it or not. âI didnât mean toâI justââ
âHeyâitâs fine.â
You look unconvinced.
âItâs not fine, IâJack, I think I actually made you bleedââ
âI know. I was there.â
That earns him an embarrassed huff. âI didnât even realise I was doing it.â
âI did,â he replies smugly. âDidnât hate it either.â
Thereâs a pause as you study him, like youâre trying to figure out if heâs serious or just trying to make you feel better. â...Youâre weird.â
âYeah, says the one who was doing all the chomping.â
Your mouth drops open. âOkay. Iâm leaving.â You pull your dress back up over your chest and try to shift up, since heâs still inside you, but Abbotâs hands clamp around your hips, holding you in place.
âNot a chance. I already told you youâre spending the night.â
You catch the inside of your cheek between your teeth. âDo you think thatâs wise?â
âProbably not,â he admits. âBut Iâm still not changing my mind.â He leans in, placing a kiss on your shoulder. âPlus youâre not exactly in a state to go anywhere.â
âI could,â you mutter.
He raises a brow.
ââŠI could try.â
He shakes his head, an amused exhale leaving him âStay. Just for tonight. Weâll figure the rest out tomorrow.â
Your body sags against him, the fight easing out of you as your fingers brush lightly over the his raw skin. âJust for tonight,â you repeat.
Though neither of you can really pretend this is just a one-off anymore.
â find my abbot masterlist here âËê©ïœĄ
......fancy fussing over a different old man?
I love you, I love you, I love you
synopsis Robby is known to speak before he thinks sometimes, but when the cost of his words is losing you, heâd rather die (6.6k words)
warningheavy angst, language, hospital stuff, mention of drowning, near death experience, robby is constipated emotionally as always, jack to the rescue, kinda yearning Jack if you squint, inaccurate medical practices I am noooo doctor!
authornotethannk you so much for the request!!! and thank you for your kind words! I had so much fun writing, I think angst is probably my favourite to write over anything especially when Robby is the one yearning. I hope you liked! (Gif credits @emziess :)
Pitt masterlist Last robby fic!
As a resident in the Emergency Department there was a lot you knew.
You knew that preeclampsia effected about eight percent of all pregnant women worldwide. You knew how to intubate and had in fact done so many in your time at PTMC that you were sure you could do it with your eyes closed. You knew that in the bottom draw of Dana's select spot at the nurses station was a pack of nicotine gum hardly used because Dana thought they were a bunch of bull; in spite of the literal doctors orders.
You knew there was a leaky faucet in the women's bathrooms that drove everyone insane when they went in there to steal a moment's peace. You knew the computer in central fourteen was the faultiest one which was why you avoided charting in there all together.
So you knew there must have been a reason why Noelle from insurance was biding her time with your new boyfriend. There must have been a reason why he was grinning big at her like he hadn't with you for days.
âHey!â said Samira falling at your side at the counter.
You were still too distracted by the two to even tear your gaze away and look at her. âHey.â
Samira followed your eyeline. âYou're staring, you know that?â
You nodded.
Robby rubbed at the side of his face as his cheeks flushed, Noelle shifted her weight onto her other heeled foot- apparently getting herself comfortable.
âWho is that, again?â asked Doctor Mohan.
âNoelle. She's from insurance.â
Samira nodded. âNoelle from insurance. Annnd do we like Noelle, from insurance?â
At that you realised just how transparent your glares might have been.
âOh, you know,â you mumbled, finally looking back down to your tablet that had grown dark in the absence of movement. âIt's our job to like everyone.â
Santos passed by you then, dropping herself down into your favourite chair in exhaustion. âNot everyone.â
âSo we're all having a great day, I see,â you commented, sarcastically. However the sardonic tone of your voice was over-saturated with a loud laugh.
Your head practically snapped up to see Noelle laughing at something Robby had said. Even his face was scrunched up at his joke. You watched as Noelle's hand darted to his bicep, playfully hitting him in a way that could only be recognised as flirting.
You watched as Robby looked down to her hand on him and then he looked up, finding you and finding your watchful gaze. Only then did the pink in his cheeks subside and the wrinkles of amusement die.
âDidn't they have a thing before you and him got together?â asked Santos.
You sighed. âYes, they did, thank you, Trinity.â
âHey, just trying to be helpful.â
âSave it for the patients,â you said.
Robby took one step in your direction but you'd already dismissed yourself from Santos and Mohan, walking the ward like it was a battle field.
But you could hear your boyfriends heavy boots close behind you.
âDon't do that,â he said, calling after you.
âDo what? See a patient?â
âIt's not what you think,â he said.
âOf course it's not,â you said, trying your best to be indifferent.
You knew about Noelle and Robby's history, just as you knew about his and Heathers, and his and the pathologist from upstairs, and the one from ortho. You knew and you understood, heck you'd even been around to joke about with Landon. Robby's famous seven-week itch.
Rumour had it before he finally got to hold your hand and kiss you whenever he liked he'd been trying to nail you down for years, but you weren't sure how much you believed.
It had been nine months, maybe closer to ten since you and Robby had officially started seeing each other. It was the real boyfriend-girlfriend deal where you could call each other at any moments of the day, could get take out together and discuss the boring things together.
Yet, you did none of that.
Robby and you didn't talk.
You fucked- but only each other. You worked on cases together- strictly professional. On the days where you were desperate there was an on-call room Robby could book out and steal time away with you.
But you didn't remember the last time you'd laughed like that with him.
âIt's not,â said Robby again.
âOf course it's not.â
Robby sighed, falling closer behind you. âWell, it doesn't really sound like you believe me.â
âI believe you,â you said. âDo I believe Noelle...â
âOh, c'mon,â Robby chuckled, like the very idea of them was ridiculous. Like the two of you didn't begin where they ended. âYou seriously gonna be hung up on that?â
âDon't,â you warn, shaking your head.
You reached for an exam room door, where a sixteen year old boy was complaining of migraines but Robby grabbed your wrist and stirred you away.
âYou wanna argue, not here,â he said.
âI don't want to argue.â
Robby led you out to the ambulance bay. Any nurses stealing a couple minutes of peace quickly diverted back in and even ambulances seemed to divert away. He let go of you, standing away and folding his arms over his chest, defensive. âSo come on, tell me.â
âTell you what?â
âYou're mad because I was talking to Noelle- about a case, might I add,â he said. There was nothing soft in his tone, nothing that calmed your nerves on edge. He said it all like it was a joke that he already knew the punchline to.
You rubbed at your temple. âYou can talk to Noelle about cases, of course you can-â
â- Oh, thank you, glad I have your permission,â he chuckled.
âCan you just not be a dick about this, for once!â you snapped.
Robby's brows rose to his head, almost shocked at your snap at him. He held out his hands. âOkay, I'm not being a dick.â
âYou are, and it's like sometimes you don't even realise.â
His hands were worn with the mornings patients and you could see the stress he tried to hide away as he wiped up and down his face.
You took a deep breath. âRobby, if you don't want this to work out all you have to do is say.â You said it, un-sure if you even meant it. Un-sure that you could ever go back to who you were before meeting Robby, let alone sharing in his life. In the small moments grabbing take out together and eating it on his sofa. In the mornings where you both naturally woke up early enough to just admire each other before you had to get to work.
Robby chuckled dryly, hands on his hips. âOh my god, all of this because I spoke to another woman?â
âBecause you laughed with her like you haven't with me for weeks!â you argued.
For once, Robby was silent.
You told yourself after the seven week mark that it would be any day now, that he'd tell you you were better off friends; colleagues. Every day and week it didn't come, every month he got more comfortable in your bed you figured you'd easily get rid of him in your life as easily as you welcomed him.
Now you stood across from him in the early morning light of the ambulance bay knowing if he left you now you'd never get back on your feet again.
âI see the way Noelle looks at you, how the others from upstairs do to,â you begin.
Robby shook his head, something earnest in his gaze. âThey're not- they don't-â
â- I know, I know,â you said, cutting him off with a grimace of a smile. â âI know you don't love them, Robby. I'm just not sure you love me either.â
As un-cultured as you were with your own relationships you weren't sure when the right time to say I love you was. You knew Santos had said it to Garcia drunk one night and woke up with regret pinning her to the bed. You knew Dana and Benji had said it to each other a week in. You knew you loved Robby before you even kissed him.
Robby looked down to his boots, shaking his head. âThat's not fair.â
Your heart pinched. âI know I love you, Robby. But I can't watch all these woman over you and-and wonder.â
âYour insecurities are not my fault!â Robby snapped.
You knew he didn't mean it, or hoped he didn't. You knew in the very small arguments you'd had that he spoke without thinking and came grovelling back.
Maybe it was worse this time because you knew it was the truth. You knew these women- his ex something's- didn't get to see Robby in the early mornings and be the last thing he spoke to at night. You knew Robby wasn't inviting them into his self, but he wasn't pushing them away either.
They'd all been quick, snaps of bands on wrists. You were supposed to be something more.
Maybe you weren't.
Biting on the inside of your cheek, you felt the familiar burning in your chest, rising up to your neck.
âOkay.â You held yourself tight, heading past him and to the doors that were already welcoming you back.
Robby was hot on your heels, quicker even as he pushed himself ahead of you. âNo, no, no- hey- wait, no I-I didn't mean that.â His eyes were wide, hands held out in front of you, not quite clasped together, pointing to the sky but pleading none the less.
âWe shouldn't talk about this now, Robby-â
â- I- we... honey, please.â
He stood in between you and the doors. Beyond him you saw the chaos of the room, the charts being passed, the labs being reported. The world still turned.
Robby's hands fell to your shoulders, rubbing up and down your arms. âLet me- jus' let me-let me-â
âHey! You two!â
Robby didn't jump apart from you, he squeezed your arms tighter as the two of you looked back to Dana who rushed out, wisps of grey hair falling around her. âWhat is it?â
âThere's been a crash down the docks, all hands on deck!â
You thought you knew chaos, having seen all sorts of terror and oddities in the Pitt but the scenes at the dock were nothing like it. A complication with a boat, an explosion- small enough- rattled ferries and had them crashing into one another like terrible scene of dominoes.
Heck, you weren't even sure if the docks were safe to be standing on.
There were fire trucks and ambulances that didn't just respond to PTMC but Presby too. Police were corning off the area, talking to any witnesses but everyone blurred in one as you weaved in and out of them.
You'd been sent as an emergency respondent thanks to how level-headed and sturdy you were in the Pittfest. You still remembered how Robby nominated you as well as Whitaker to go with some from surgery, his eyes dark on you, a trusting nod passed before you were handed a jacket and pushed into an ambulance.
You'd already pulled a sheet over three bodies, one of them too small for your liking.
âAny for me?â asked a first emergency responder, you think his name was Spencer, catching it in the rig you caught a ride in. âWe can take two.â
âYeah!â you yelled and led him away. âThis guy, approximately in his thirties, head lack to the right, needs to go to surgery immediately. This woman, late twenties, lost consciousness, possible pelvic bleed but she's stabilised, need's a ultrasound.â
âGot it!â
You'd gone through almost all the gloves you had in your pockets. There was blood seeping into your scrub uniform at your knees. You'd forgone your coat to a little girl who took an ambulance back with her mother, trembling from the cold.
A steady, firm hand settled between your shoulder blades.
âHow you holding on, Slugger?â
Your heart soared in relief when you recognised Jack's voice, felt his steady hand and saw his easy smile in the middle of all the pain.
âJack, thank god. Are you here with your team?â you asked, eying the uniform he was in.
âYeah, we came to secure the area, doing everything I can to help,â he said, the two of you nudging your way through the people, stepping over the rubble and pools of water or blood. âHow you holding up?â
âLost three,â you told him.
Jack looked down at you, the weight of his gaze always heavy. âAnd how many you saved, huh? Focus on that number.â
The wind picked up, sending a chill over your bones.
âHey, where's your jacket?â asked Jack, a frown taking over his features.
You chuckled. âProbably half way to Presby by now, think we've handed off all the traumas PTMC can take.â
Jack tutted and shook his head aside. âI reckon they've got one more in them.â
You didn't know how you and Jack had got so close, somewhere along the lines of hand-offs and covering night shifts you just always gravitated toward each other, working well and saving lives. Every daring procedure you'd taken was with him over your shoulder only for him to go and boast about you to Robby later.
Jack led you to Robby, for that you always had to be thankful.
âHey! I've got a guy seizing over here!â
With your case in hand the two of you rushed off.
The man seemed middle-aged with no obvious wound to him as you and Jack took either side. The man was at the edge of the docks, the crashing of the waves fighting against you as you worked to stablilse him.
Jack steadied him. âCheck if there's any medication on him! It might be a disorder!â
You checked, coming up empty pocketed. You fumbled in your bag and tried your pockets before finding the vial and clean needle. âPushing diazepam!â
With five cc's in his seizing slowed to dull twitches.
âWe need a back board and neck brace,â said Jack, looking around to try and flag down anyone.
Nobody was catching your eyes. This close to the water you were out of the way of most of the chaos.
âGo!â you told Jack. âI'll stay with him, make sure he doesn't sieze again.â
Jack's brows pinched together for a second. âYou sure?â
You nodded. Your hands remained on your patient, feeling his tremors and already timing his pulse with your watch. âI've got it, go!â
In hind sight you should have thought about the implications. You'd been grabbed and yelled at and spat at in the ED by less sever patients but once you'd been attacked by a man who just woke up from a seizure, dazed and confused and naming you his enemy.
Robby had never been so close to murder.
It took weeks for the bruises to go down, for your hand to heal properly from the fall and you were on bed rest for a week.
You knew what it meant to be alone with a patient, but sometimes you supposed it couldn't be helped.
The diazepam should have helped- you've seen it help- but soon enough the man started twitching, slow at first, before it started to fit and his whole body moved.
He was a strong man. You weren't.
âIt's okay, sir- sir!â you threw your weight against him to hold him still, wonder what you can do to stop him biting down on his tongue with the little equipment you had.
The man was mumbling to himself, thrashing violently.
âC'mon Jack, c'mon-â
It only took a wide sweep of the mans arm to send you hurtling back and crashing into the icy water.
The sky was darkening by the time Robby counted off his thirtieth patient of the day. Twenty-five of them had been from the incident at the docks. Only one he couldn't save, two sent up to the OR.
He counted the patients, counted the hours that ticked by, counted every ambulance that came by not carrying you. He'd expected you back by now, expected to have a little piece of mind with seeing you back in his eyeline.
Robby's heart was being squeezed progressively as the day went on, ever since he'd snapped and said words he never even meant.
Every second, passing from patient to patient and tearing off gloves to replace them with clean ones he checked his phone for any update from you.
Nothing.
You must have been busy down there.
But just three ambulances ago Whitaker returned saying he lost sight of you practically immediately.
So where the hell were you?
âHey, Dana-â he called, rounding on the nurses station.
She looked as dishevelled as he felt, wisps of hair, dark circles under her eyes.
âCan you get a hold of transport, ask where the hell is my resident.â
âI just got off the phone with them, Robby-â she reached over and placed a hand on his, the one that had been tapping relentlessly. âShe's on her way in now.â
Before Robby could even wonder why Dana had to hold his hand to tell him, why her eyes were glassed over and her voice trembled to tell him the doors bust open.
âRobby!â Jack yelled out.
He turned, catching sight of his old friend, the greying hair damp and sticking to his skin. He was half dressed in SWAT gear, his jacket discarded and bits of tinfoil falling from his shoulders. Jack was set over a gurney, hammering down on a chest and going in for CPR the old fashioned way.
âWhat happened? You fall in-â
Robby got to the other side of the gurney and breath caught in his chest.
âShe's been down thirty- thirty-five minutes, I dunno, man,â said Jack as he continued hammering down on your chest.
It was you. Blue in the face and eyes closed, droplets of water at your lashes. Your hair was turning to ice fanned out underneath you. He'd been running his hand through your hair just that morning, had he not. There was a blanket, maybe two, thrown over you but your body only reacted to the thumping Jack delivered on your chest, pinching your nose to breath down your open mouth.
This morning you'd been warm, so warm, with a leg thrown over his hips in attempts to keep him in your bed. And he'd been close, so close to burying himself in your warmth.
He didn't even have to touch you to know you were cold.
âI found her- in the water- pulled her out-â gasped Jack as he continued compressions.
âWhat do you mean in the water?â asked Robby, surprising himself by how calm he sounded.
âShe- she fell, or-or something, I dunno man-â
âYou don't know?â he snapped. âWhy isn't she bagged?â
âWe ran out,â said the paramedic pushing you in.
âYou ran out?!â
âRobby- Robby!â Dana's hands were on his chest, keeping him at bay before Robby even knew what he was going to do.
Robby shook her off. âWhat's open?â
âTrauma two just got cleaned up-â
He grabbed the gurney and pushed you into the room. The weight of Jack on top of you trying to save your life squeaking the wheels against the floor not long wiped from blood. Robby was aware of other voices, of people wondering if that was Jack and was it... no... it couldn't have been.
The doors closed behind a team of people all teaming in, stuttering when they saw you.
âHook her up!â ordered Robby, ignoring any protocol of gowns and gloves. If he was going to get you back he was going to feel the beat of your heart under his palms. âJack, move!â
Jack slowly climbed down and Robby jumped up next, quickly taking over compressions.
He remembered kissing down your chest, hiding himself there on mornings he wanted to steal away five minutes, pulling the covers up past the two of you. How he was breaking ribs to keep you alive. âSomebody get a bag on her, now!â
âShe's- she's been down a long time,â said Jack, catching his breath.
Robby thumped down on your chest, kidding himself with the dull flutter of your eyelashes, knowing it was only through the force of his hammering down on you. âShe's alive.â
âJesus, Jack, you're as cold as ice,â said Dana from somewhere behind Robby.
âI'm fine,â he dismissed. âRobby, you shouldn't be working on her, brother.â
Others in the room stopped, hearing that.
It was protocol family waited outside, that if family or friends ever came in demanding help the same DNA did not attend. They were too emotionally clouded. To invested to think straight. The last time Robby found himself in this situation: blood pumping in his ears, chest tight was trying to save Jake's girlfriends life.
He'd failed.
The only person to pull him back from that was you.
There'd be nobody if you didn't pull through. He'd be left in that pedes room, never to leave.
âRobby!â Jack tried again.
âShut up and get me some warm saline!â
âOh, no,â said Jack, walking around till he was on the other side of your gurney. âNo, I'm not going anywhere.â
Robby was still pressing his hands down on your chest when Jack reached over, past the bag they'd finally clamped over on you, and stroked back your hair.
âWe're gonna get you through this,â he uttered in an oddly tender moment.
âWe need to get a central line in her,â said Matteo.
Jack looked at Robby. âBrother.â
âNo.â
âYou have to move, we need to get a line in her.â
Robby knew that. He knew so much as a doctor, as chief attending. But he couldn't stop, he physically couldn't bring himself to.
âRobby, man, you gotta let go.â
âI can't... I can't... I can't...â he said. The only thing keeping him sane was the one, two, three, four count in his head, was the cold feeling of your flesh under his hands. âPush three milligrams of epi.â
Jack huffed in frustration, probably the only thing keeping him warm. He marched around your bed to his side. âRobby, so help me god I will drag you out of here if you don't let her go!â
âI can't!â he yelled.
It was selfish but Robby had some how convinced himself he could be selfish with you. He could hold on tighter in the mornings and let you go for the rest of the day. He could watch patients get close to you because he knew it was him who got to kiss you. He could hold back the worst parts of himself to keep you, no matter how much it tore him apart to push you away on the days he wanted to be closest.
No, Robby could never let you go.
If you ever tried to leave him, he'd hold on tighter.
Robby dropped his voice low. âI can't.â
Jack took in a slow breath, a gentle hand on Robby's bicep. âOkay. Okay. You don't have to let her go... but to save her you have to move aside.â
A monitor somewhere in the room beeped.
Slowly, Robby moved from your chest.
The people swarmed you. Someone cut into you, getting a central line in on your other side.
Robby stayed where he was, a hand holding yours tightly as if he could squeeze his own life into yours. He cried- maybe loudly- at the feel of how cold you were.
âWhat's her temp?â asked Jack.
âEighty.â
Robby looked up to the monitor reading your vitals. âThat's- that's too low.â
âWe're getting her warmed up.â
âGet the warm saline.â
âWe are.â
Robby leaned over you once the line was placed, brushing back your hair and trying desperately to ignore how cold you were. âYou're not dead, you're not,â he said, low for you. Your vitals may have been saying different. âYou're not dead.â
âDoctor Robby-â
âPlease,â he begged with trembling lips. âPlease, don't do this to me.â
A monitor sung low and dry. The classic song of a flatline.
His head jerked up.
Jack caught his stupor and pushed him from you, sending him into Dana's ready hold. âShe's going into V-fib!â
Dana held Robby. Physically she wasn't strong enough to hold him back but Robby wasn't strong enough to fight against her. âRobby... Robby, c'mon, let's wait outside.â
He was shaking his head.
âPanels, charge to three hundred!â called out Jack.
Dana had just managed to push him out the doors as he shouted clear!
Through the glass Robby watched your body jerk but not respond.
âPlease, please, please,â he uttered. His back hit the nurses station, his knees giving out as he slowly slid and sank to the floor.
âOkay, okay,â muttered Dana, falling with him and holding him there.
The Pitt seemed to stand still at the sight of their boss, white faced and hands trembling, brushing back his hair. Noise travelled quick, that it was you in the bed, ribs breaking from compressions, chest hurting from the shock.
Robby's hands clasped in front of him, his star of David chain clenched in his hands. âPlease.... she can't do this to me, please.â
Dana tugged on his body, bringing him in closer. With her sharp gaze she pushed everyone else that dared try and get closer away. âC'mon, Robby, she's strong, you know that. And stubborn like hell, huh?â
Robby nodded along with her words, un-sure if he could believe it.
âCharge again, three hundred, let's go!â called Jack, rubbing the panels before everyone backed up. âClear!â
There was a small beep, a pick up in the line.
âThere! Resume compressions!â
âDoctor Robby!â Santos ran up, her gown like a cape around her. She slowed to a stop in front of the two slumped. âDana. Dana, is it- is it true, is it?â
Robby looked up, tear stained cheeks red.
âYeah, kid,â said Dana, sadly.
Santo's jaw trembled before she shook her head in resolute, saying one simple word. No. Then she stormed into the room.
Robby knew you favoured Santos and somewhere along the way Robby had come to look for her when an interesting case came in. He came to favour the way you smiled at Santos when she did things right and Robby searched for any smile he could get from you.
So, he pushed himself up on shaky legs and followed her in- back into the chaos that was your room. The blankets had slipped from your body in the shocks and he desperately tried to hold himself back from fixing them.
âDoctor Abbot-â said a nurse or a intern or someone in the room. âIt's been thirty minutes.â
âHold compressions.â
Robby knew it was to check your pulse but he winced when they paused, when your body didn't respond.
âStill asystole, resume compressions.â Jack caught Robby's gaze.
He'd seen that look on Jack's face. Had seen the hopelessness and the devastation at losing a patient not only in his face but in his own reflection. âDon't-â
Jack lowered his head. âRobby.â
âNo, Jack, her temp is not up! She's cold,â he said, walking back around the room. He rolled his shoulders back, pulling on gloves. If nobody else was going to save you he would. âShe is not dead! She's not- She's not dead till she's warm and dead! Push another round of epi!â
Matteo jumped at the chance.
Jack stood by Robby's side. âJust... prepare yourself, okay? She's been down a long time. She might not come back from this.â
Robby glanced back at him. âShe will.â
âAnd even if she did-â
Robby cut him off. âShe will.â
They couldn't send you up to the OR- there was nothing surgical to do. They couldn't send you to the ICU- you weren't stable. They could work on you for hours, in the pitts of hell.
Robby didn't stop Jesse from compressions but he leant over you, leaning his lips into your forehead. âYou'll come back, you have to come back.â
âWhat's her temp?â
âWe're up to eighty-eight.â
âWhen was our last epi?â
âTen minutes ago.â
âPush again.â
At some point Santos pushed her through the crowd, taking compressions from Jesse who she deemed weak-armed.
âDoctor Santos-â said Jack, the only one seeing this for what it was. A disaster. One more emotional person in the room wasn't going to help. If you woke you might just choke on tears from them all.
âI can do it,â she argued, nodding to the night attending. âI can do it.â
Santos was as stubborn as you. If anyone might have been able to beat her heart into beating, it would be her.
Robby leant over you. Robby could feel your skin cold against his lips and he pet back any bit of you he could reach, trying to warm you. He caught Jack's tired gaze, his lifeless stare like he was already grieving you. âI never told her I love her, Jack.â
âGet an APG,â said Santos.
Jack clasped his shoulder. âTell her now.â
Robby looked back down to you, past the bag pushing your breath, through Santos keeping your heart beat. He kissed your forehead. âI-â he chocked on the words. He couldn't remember a time where he'd said it and meant it like he does now.
He knew Jack was giving him a way out. He knew Jack was giving him the chance to live with no regrets.
But Robby would regret not dying with you if you didn't make it.
There was a silence throughout the room, not even the beating of a monitor keeping him sane.
Robby's hot tears hit your cheeks.
âTemp?â
âUp to neinty.â
âHalt compressions.â
Santos paused.
Nothing.
Then a shrill beeping.
If Robby thought it was life he was going to be souly mistaken.
âShe's in V-fib again!â
Robby backed away, tucking his head down to his chest as he watched Jack get the panels, rub the gel on.
âCharge to three hundred- clear!â
Your body jolted again, blankets slipping down your bare body and Robby suddenly wanted to cover you, wanted to pull every tube keeping you alive out and just hold you. Warm or cold. He just wanted to hold you.
âAgain, charge. Clear!â
There was a silence. Maybe you were so angry at him you were proving a point by dying. You were a good swimmer. Why didn't you swim?
Everyone in the room paused, seeming to wait for someone to call it.
Jack looked at Robby.
âNo,â he said, pushing past everyone.
âRobby-â interjected Jack.
He snatched the panels from Jack. âCharge again, three hundred-â
â-Robby-â
âI said charge again!â
The room was heavy as Jesse moved to do so, charging them up.
âClear!â
Your body jerked again, violent. Your face remained peaceful, Santos remained off to the side, waiting for orders, waiting to know. Everyone else was looking to each other, silently deciding who would be the one to drag Robby away from your body.
âWait- there!â
In the middle of them all there sat a pick up in your heart.
The room jumped into discussion about how to carry on, about how to keep the momentum going while Robby pressed his stethoscope into his ears and the other down on you. He listened, catching the beat of your heart.
âShe's warm, she's warm and she's alive,â said Jack with a smile.
You were dreaming. It was a sweet sort of thing.
It was a warm body blanketing you and hands holding you. It was lips you knew pressing along you and drawing out pleasure. There were three tiny words spoken into flesh.
It was Robby, his head laid upon your chest in your bed and mumbling the words, tracing every letter over your ribs. When you reached for his hair, when you tried to say the words again you coughed up water instead. You clawed at your throat. You chocked in panic-
Then there was a beeping bringing you out of sweet dreams.
âHey, hey. Honey? Honey, can you look at me?â a warm hand was running over your head, pushing back your hair. âOpen your eyes.â
You tried to. They felt heavy. Sleep heavy.
But someone was coaxing you through it, holding your hand and brushing back your hair.
âYeah, there we go... there we go, hey.â
The lights were bright, almost painfully so as they blared in your eyes. It took you a couple blinks to get them right but when you did there was a dark shadow looming over you, blocking out the lights.
There was the ragged pull of a beard and the slope of a well known nose.
You breathed in and smelt burnt coffee and hand sanitiser. âRobby?â
He smiled, crows feet at his eyes. âHey, honey.â
You pushed up your arm, finding it oddly weak like it had been weighted down. You found an IV down in your arm. The white lights... the white walls and the IV all made slow sense.
âWh-what?â
âEasy, easy.â Robby grabbed at your arms, holding you. He helped you sit up, reaching over and plumping your pillow and holding you there.
Only when you heard the monitor calming down and felt the pain lessen did Robby let you go, perching close on the bed next to you and grabbing your hand again.
âWhat happened?â you asked, finding your throat parched.
Robby sighed, pulling your hand into your lap. âThere was an accident at the docks. You went with the responders to help. Your patient had a seizure and...â
You remembered the dock, the wind cold and the yells. You remembered Jack was there and the patient, he was seizing. âWhat happened to him?â you asked.
Robby stared at you, a small shake in his head as his brows pinched together.
âThe seizing, the patient.â
There was a small look of disbelief, a soft smile creasing his chapped lips.
âWhat?â
His smile turned sharp with affection as he looked down. Your hand, engulfed in his, was pressed to his lips. He stayed like that as the scenes played in his head and the smile slowly started to fall. âYou were brought in, your body temp was eighty. Jack was- was doing compressions. We- we had to shock you, so much, you don't- â Robby sighed out a shaky breath. âYou don't know what it was like.â
The dock, the bodies, Jack. The bite of cold water like a thousand daggers piercing into your skin. You had gasped for breath, limbs flailing.
It had felt like dying.
âOh.â
You rubbed at your chest, pain blooming.
âYou might be a bit burnt, from the shocks. And we were- we did compressions for a while so you broke a rib,â he said, chocking down a cry.
You squeezed his hand. âWe?â
He nodded, chin tucked into his chest. His lips were pursed.
You'd seen Robby cry before, in shades of red face and clenched palms and always trying to hide it away. But you'd never seen him try to hide away as much as he was now. Your hand escaped his hold, caressing down his cheek.
âRobby.... hey....â
His lips puckered to your palm, pressing a kiss there. His palm was large as he held your hand up to his cheek.
âHey,â you cooed.
Robby glanced up at you. âI'm sorry, I'm sorry.â
âIt's okay.â
âNo, no it's not, it's not okay,â Robby took a shaky breath and scooted closer. His arm came over you, bracing himself on the bed. âYou almost died.â
You searched his eyes but only found pain and defeat. He looked tired. Really tired. âBut I didn't.â
âThat's not the point,â he said. He brushed back strands of your hair, kept petting it down in a way you guessed comforted him more. âJack was doing compressions for almost an hour. Your temp was down the whole time. We shocked you four times. Four.â
Robby's voice broke.
âYou almost died and the last thing we did was argue.â
You didn't know what to say to that. The words I'm sorry were already rising and like he sensed it, Robby gave a small shake of his head. âYeah... probably wasn't the best timing.â
âWe're never arguing again, you understand?â
You smirked, wrapping your fingers around his wrist. You could feel the race of his pulse. âGive us a week.â
âNo,â said Robby. âNever.â
Something sour tasted it your mouth.
âBecause we- are we, broken up?â
âNo. No. We are not,â he said sternly.
You let out a breath. âGood. Good. I'd have hated to wake up from near death to that.â
âI should have listened to you,â he uttered. âNoelle is nothing, everyone else is nothing, nobody means anything to me, only you. Only ever you. And I am never letting you go again, ever.â He kissed your hand again.
You smiled at him. âWhat if I need to pee?â
âYou can hold my hand.â
âAnd on mornings where I have really bad morning breath?â you teased.
âThat doesn't happen, you know that,â Robby smiled.
Without any arguments left you gave up, sinking into your sheets with a shiver.
Robby frowned. âAre you cold?â he was up at once, pulling at the covers over you and the blankets. He was all but tucking you in as you laid there, taking it.
âRobby.â
âYeah?â he hummed.
You tugged at his arm, pulling him down.
âWhat are you- what are you doing?â he chuckled, lightly.
âI'm cold, you're a human furnace, hold me.â
Robby was on the verge of complaining even as you pulled him down on the bed. He grunted at the squeak of the bed, was careful of the monitors assessing you. He squeezed in, pulling the rail back up as you curled up to the side to give him space. âThese beds are not made for two.â
âYou'll have to get onto the attending about that,â you teased, resting your head on his shoulder.
âYeah, first thing tomorrow.â
âMeh, I can persuade him, if you like.â
Robby smirked. âHe'll do whatever you say.â
His arm slung over your shoulder and rested there, holding your body into him till your head was on his chest and you could feel the beat of his heart. It was just like you dream. Of comfort and warmth.
Robby said your name in a whisper.
You looked up at him to see his eyes screwed shut before releasing them.
âI...â
You watched the move of his lips. âRobby, you don't have to-â
âNo, I want to,â he said. Robby's hand was careful as he cupped your face.
âYou don't have to say it just because of what happened.â
âI'm not, believe me, I'm not,â he said. âI love you.â
It was the words you wanted to hear, the words you needed to know, the very thing to finish off your dream.
âRobby-â you interjected.
âI love you,â he smiled, grinning wide at you. âI've said it now, I don't think you'll get me to shut up.â There was fake remorse in his voice, a feigned sort of sorry.
âI can think of a few ways.â
Robby's lips were warm and giving as you puckered your up to his, kissing him slow. If you lost your breath kissing him it'd be a hell of a way to go.
Robby smiled against your lips. âThat might work.â
His body half rolled onto yours, the bed creaking in protest. Only when your monitor warned of you losing breath did he pull away and check the machine.
âGet some rest, Robby, you look like you need it,â you said, kissing his cheek slow.
There was fight of protest in him that quickly gave up.
Robby looked up at you, wide eyed. âCan I stay?â
You nodded.
âI love you.â
The words he'd given you, the words he'd never forget to say. The words he'd spoken and would never take back.
taglist: @oldbaddies, @mafercita101,
There is probably something REALLY wrong with me cuz tell me why I was smiling ear to ear after experiencing this hollowing-out kinda angst???
Truly so fkn beautiful đ€đ©·
safe from heartbreak (if you never fall in love)
pairing â dr. michael robinavitch x florist!fem reader
rating â mature. minors dni
wc â 13.5k
moodboard | fic playlist
summary â after several heartbreaks and failed dates, you promised yourself you wouldnât try and fall in love again. but a certain doctor that you have known for years, who visits you every eight weeks to buy flowers for his dates wants to prove you he is worth it, even with his questionable dating history.
warnings â romcom vibes, lots of fluffy and angst. no smut but sexual innuendos and sexual tension. age gap (reader in her thirties, robby in his early fifties), idiots in love and flirting galore. robbyâs sabbatical. feelings of being unworthy and all of what comes with that, insecurity, jealousy, talks about about grief, suicide and suicide ideation, psychiatric hold and therapy. noelle is a bit bitchy but she only has her best intentions at heart.
she/her pronouns and afab!reader. reader is described to have some softness on her stomach, but other than that no specific descriptions of body type, race or ethnicity. all lowercase for styling purposes.
a/n â heyyy! all i can say is fucking finally. this took me three weeks to write after falling victim of a horrible writerâs block. you know this kicked my ass because i made a moodboard and playlist for it. also, me, writing something without smut? itâs more likely than you think! iâm a horny whore but iâm a romantic one. on a serious note though, i wanted to write something cute and sweet for once.
hope you enjoy it and thank you for reading đ€
dividers by @/uzmacchiato and @/strangergraphics
petal & bloom sits on the corner of smallman and 25th.
a quaint little flower shop that survived the passage of time. it has been there since 1971, the year your grandmother left her first husband, fleeing a rather toxic relationship with nothing but a few thousand bucks she saved over the years and your â at the time, five year old â mother by her side. the shop was passed down by generations, always being run by the women of the family, who occasionally would make their partners work on their days off with them.
it was the place where they met their life partners too.Â
grandma met her second husband on a wednesday. the typical tall, dark and handsome man, good looking and a sweet talker, he fled the army after refusing to go to the vietnam war. new to the city, he walked in with an attitude and a newspaper in hand, asking about the chef position they had announced that morning. your grandma rolled her eyes, pointed to the diner on the other side of the street and told him he was at the wrong spot. he told her he was exactly where he wanted to be.Â
your mom met your dad on a friday. it was an early afternoon, one where winter had already left and spring brought in its warmer breeze. your mother was helping your grandmother after school when in came your dad, a bit out of breath with a panicked look on his face. when asked how she could help him, dad told her it was his momâs fortieth birthday and he had no idea what to gift her. a game of twenty questions later, he left with the biggest bouquet he had ever seen and a box of fancy belgian chocolate.Â
he came back the next day to thank your mom and ask her on a date and they have been together ever since.Â
you⊠well, you are painfully single. by choice, obviously. after one too many heartbreaks and countless awful dates later, you gave up on finding love and started having âit will happen when it happensâ as your mantra.Â
but you loved your job. and you loved your customers. new or regulars, you treated every single one their orders like the most important one you had ever gotten.
after being around for fifty four years, petal & bloom had amassed a few trustworthy regulars, ones you knew the orders by heart.Â
there is mr. fabbri, an eighty year old italian man that comes around every ten days for his white roses, always telling you how happy his wife gets with the flowers and always has an anecdote about the days your grandma ran the shop.Â
marie has also been a regular since your childhood. she is a sweet lady that always brings you some sort of baked goods whenever she visits. she comes in once a month, always getting a bouquet with at least one sunflower or hydrangea, her favourite flowers.Â
donât tell anyone, but zoya is probably your favourite one. she comes in every two weeks, always on saturdays. she is two years younger than you, moved into the city three years ago after she quit her job and decided to become a content creator. she is funny and quirky, loves to choose the flowers with you, but asks to always have a red anthurium in her bouquet.Â
then there is michael. michael robinavitch, fifty four years old, a doctor at the pittsburgh medical center. objectively handsome, quiet but a good conversationalist when you are the one to begin the conversation. he is not one to share much about himself, but you know he likes craft beer and motorcycles.Â
you had heard stories here and there about his grandmother. apparently she was one of the regulars during the time your grandma and your mom ran the shop, always coming once a week to get her flowers, occasionally coming in with her quiet, but handsome grandson.
after you took over, michael started coming in, sporadically, around eight years ago, getting bouquets for janey and then heather. he always texted, asked what flowers were in season, ordered his bouquets, arrived around seven thirty to fetch it and always paid in cash.Â
things took a turn sometime around two years ago. michael changed his routine drastically and started coming around the shop every eight weeks, asking for the same bouquet: five pink tulips, three light pink ranunculus, one soft orange hyacinth, baby breaths and eucalyptus leaves for greens. accompanied by a card that always said âjust a small hint that Iâm hoping this isnât a one-time thing.
â m. robinatvitch.â
the only thing that changed were the people they were addressed to. jack, julienne, olivia, brendon, jesse, and on, and on, and on. you have truly lost count by now.
eight weeks have passed since his last buy, and when the thought of it comes across your mind, a notification appears with another one of his messages.
michael robinavitch: Good morning. Sorry I didnât order it sooner, but I need one of the usuals for today. Picking it up at 7:30. Card to Noelle. Cash.Â
the message makes you laugh. the contrast between the ones he sends now to the first ones are enormous. the first few were careful, had intent on it. he asked about the flowers, asked if you could send pictures, told you how many of each he wanted in the bouquet. typed the full note, even if it was always the same. but time passed by, and bit by bit the messages became shorter and shorter. he didnât ask for pictures anymore, didnât type out the note he wanted nor the flowersâ quantities.Â
sometimes you wonder if he just trusted you or if he simply didnât care to put effort in it anymore.Â
you shake your head and finally reply to him.Â
â Of course, Michael. â Thank you for your order! đ©·đ
robby remembers the first time he visited petal & bloom with his grandmother.
baba kept a pretty vase on top of her dinner table. a pretty crystal vase with an intricate pattern made of the fancy glass itself, that always had a pretty flower bouquet on it.Â
every saturday the bouquets would change. robby knew they came from somewhere, but he always wondered from where, since he and baba had a very strict routine on saturdays.Â
once he saw a man delivering it, and wondered if he was his babaâs boyfriend.Â
every shabbat his grandmother would take him to the synagogue for the shacharit. right after the service, baba would take him out for lunch at a diner nearby. after lunch, she took him to a candy store and let him choose whatever he wanted.
robby had just turned twelve. it was a late spring afternoon, the kind where the breeze is warmer, announcing the impending arrival of the summer. his ice cream was melting faster than he could eat it, and the sticky feeling was starting to bother him, when baba told him she was taking him someplace new. Â
the flower shop wasnât far from the ice cream shop they went to; in fact, robby remembered passing by it several times before, always being curious about how it looked inside.
he was bombarded by different smells and the cold breeze of the air conditioner. robby remembers the older lady that greeted his baba till this day, her big smile and her warmth, he also remembers the older girl that sat on the cash register, taking orders and getting money back.Â
after that day, the petal & bloom stop became an obligatory one on their saturdays.Â
even after growing up, robby kept going there. petal & bloom was the place where he got his first bouquet for his first girlfriend, the place still kept going to buy the saturday flowers when his baba wasnât strong enough to buy it herself anymore, it was one of the few places where he felt welcomed.
petal & bloom was the one familiar place that was still standing after everything and everyone he knew and loved left.Â
robby also remembers the first time he saw you. he hadnât been around the shop in ages, his grandma had died and his dating life had been non existent for the last few years. he wasnât even sure if the shop still existed, but he finally had scored a date with janey, a beautiful woman he had met at the market and wanted to give her something special.Â
to his surprise, the shop still stood there. a few changes were made, a little renovation to keep it up to date, but it still had the same comforting aura it had years and years ago.Â
another thing that surprised him was your presence. when robby walked in that early thursday afternoon, he found you and talia chatting.Â
talia was your high school best friend, the one that followed you everywhere, that was with you through everything. so when your mother decided to retire and left petal & bloom all to yourself, talia dropped everything to help you with your new endeavour.Â
robby stood in the middle of the shop looking a little awkward and he thinks you and talia took pity on him when you greeted him. he made his order, first asking about the freshest flowers you had, talked about his date and somehow, the little interaction the three of you had soothed him.
and like that, an old tradition came back to his life. much like when he was a teen, he got his dates flowers from petal & bloom, when janie or heather mentioned wanting to buy flowers, he ran to the shop, he even got a few as gifts for his friends. even after he felt like his life had lost its plot, he still got the comfort of visiting you.Â
the ride from the PTMC to petal & bloom always felt like getting into an alternate reality. crossing the allegheny river brought him this weird sense of peace, like his problems were inexistent, even for fifteen minutes only.Â
it also brought him to you, someone he doesnât really understand his feelings towards.Â
robby thought you were beautiful from the moment he met you. at first, he chastised himself because of the obvious age gap, but time went on and more and more he became a victim of your quick wit and strong personality. robby never acted on it, he knew better than to, something inside him didn't want to fuck up the one relationship that made him feel a sliver of normalcy.
robby parks his motorcycle in front of the shop. he is about to hop down when he sees you inside from the big window, shaking your head. he opens the door and the bell above it announces his arrival.Â
âyou are not taking the flowers on that death trap.â you tell him without even turning around, adding a couple of finishing touches to his bouquet.Â
robby smiles. âwell, good evening to you too.â
âseriously, mike. itâs going to fuck the bouquet up.â you pout. âi worked really hard on it.â
you hand robby the flowers and he hands you the cash in exchange, fingers touching yours for a second or two too long.Â
âyour work is safe, honey. not the first time iâm doing this.â robby smiles.Â
you huff. âfine, i hope noelle likes petalless flowers.â
robby gives you a full belly laugh and squeezes the hand you propped on the counter. âsee you around, sweetheart.â
october 06, 2026
fourteen weeks go by since you last saw michael. six more than usual. summer said its goodbyes, autumn arrived slowly, bringing in the promise of a harsh winter.
michael had always been very methodical, almost like he followed a schedule, so when a month and two weeks passed by without news of him, you worried.Â
he very rarely opened up about his life, you knew he was a doctor and knew about his grandmother from bits and pieces your mother told you about her, and the rare tibdibs he threw on the fast exchanges you had whenever he picked up his orders. michael never mentioned friends, all you knew about his dates were the names he asked you to write on the cards.Â
it wasnât always like this. when he first started coming after you took over the shop, michael would always stay and chat for a bit. he told you about his daily life, how things were going at the hospital and with janey or heather. you met both of them, and even met jake, janeyâs son that robby treated like his own.Â
then COVID came. all you did was funeral arrangements for almost a year, most of your regulars would only text you to ask how you were and tell everything was ok.
except for michael.Â
you knew his personal life became non-existent as a frontline worker, knew better than to bother him, but every night you asked the universe to protect him. then, on one late sunday evening, your phone rings. you were almost passed out on the couch watching some rerun episodes of broad city as a pick me up when your phone shrilled. michaelâs name flashed across the screen and bile rose on your throat. he never called, always opted for a quick text since his job was always so busy.Â
the line was silent for too long. you called his name more than once when you finally got a sigh back. mikeâs voice was small, hoarse, barely there. he cried like you never heard anyone cry, told you adamson had died and asked you for flowers.Â
the next time you saw him was four months later, in january 2021. the michael you saw was not the one you met three years prior; he looked tired, his big brown eyes that once were bright and full of life were sad, he barely shared about his daily life, always opting for a quick grab and go. things got worse after he broke up with heather and you could see him losing it bit by bit during his bi-monthly visits.Â
you hope he is better, hope that those five weeks with no show means he finally settled down or decided to work on himself.Â
today is busier than usual for an october day. seems like everyone in the city decided to either get married, have a birthday or get a job promotion. the storeâs phone rang with messages non stop, the little ping! sounds making you lose the last bit of sanity you had.
itâs almost four in the afternoon when you are finally able to sit down. the coffee you had poured for yourself early that morning remains untouched, and the lunch you brought is safely tucked inside the fridge.Â
you go through the new messages, replying and inserting the orders on the storeâs crm system so you can work on it when the delivery date arrives.
one specific chat catches your eyes.Â
michael robinavitch: Hey, how have you been? I know I kind of went missing, will tell you what happened in person. need the usual for today, 7:30. michael robinavitch: Card for Charlotte.Â
humming, you stare at the message for a while, reading it with a mix of feelings you canât really describe. you answer without thinking about it further.Â
â Hey! Good to know youâre alive. And no worries, your 7:30 usual will be waiting for you.
âshit!â you exclaim. you reread the message a million times, something about it makes you feel like you are being passive aggressive, and the last thing you want is to make michael think like you are pissed at him.Â
and maybe you are, but that is beside the point.Â
you are about to delete the message when a âđđ»â appears underneath it.Â
oh well, the damage is done.
your whole body is sore. your feet canât bear you standing up anymore, your back is screaming, asking to get cracked into place and you got the biggest headache you have had in years. it is almost 8:00, michael had texted you an hour or so ago telling you he would be a few minutes late. you are so lost in your world of pain that you donât hear the bell ringing.Â
âyou ok?â a familiar voice asks, startling you. it makes you jump.Â
âdonât fucking do that again.â you tell michael, running your right hand in circles around your chest to soothe yourself.Â
âsorry.â
âitâs fine. just had a busy day, thatâs all.â you tell him, getting up to go grab his flowers.Â
âwhereâs talia?â he asked, propping his elbows on the counter.Â
âshe finally got that position at the new york times.â you hand him the bouquet. âshe left a few days after you did.â michael is about to grab the flowers when you stop and give him a once over. he looks better than he did in years, well rested, some colour on his cheeks, the bags around his eyes are long gone. his hand engulfs yours and it makes you start talking again. âthought you had finally settled down, you vanished. what happened?â
michael looks at you with a mix of amusement and something else you canât describe in his eyes, he shakes his head and takes the bouquet out of your hands with care. âi went on a sabbatical.â
âreally?!â the answer takes you back, but when you look at him again, you realise that thatâs the image of a man that has the time to work on some of his demons. he nods and you continue. âthatâs good to hear, mike. you look better.â
heat creeps on his face, tinging his cheeks red and he gives you one of his shy smiles. âthanks. i really needed this time off.â
michael pays you and an awkward lull fills the space. you smile at him again and say âitâs good to have you back. just donât be a stranger, yeah?â
he squeezes the hand that was besides his. âof course not, sweetheart. see you around.â
november 09, 2026.Â
michael sat on his car, the words his therapist said during their session still echoing in his mind.Â
robby came across them unwillingly. it was just another fourth of july shift, the ED turned into a bigger mess after a cyber attack that closed all neighbouring hospitals. all patients and emergencies were transferred to the PTMC, baran came in a day earlier without telling and he had a hard time trusting his substitute. frank showed up, tried to apologise to him in every way possible, his friend duke who was supposed to show up at 03p.m. arrived a couple of hours later, emma was attacked by a drunk patient on her first day, resulting on dana administering a shot of unprescribed versed on said patient.
he was supposed to leave by 07p.m. on the dot.
michael needed to leave. he had to leave.
robby felt like the walls were closing in on him, he knew that the sooner he left for his one way trip, the better. his mind felt like a tick time bomb with his resolve vanishing bit by bit as the seconds ticked away. he canât remember what happened, if he did something that gave away his plans or if told someone something that could set the alarms off, the only memories of that day were jack telling him to call when things got dark, mckay telling him to not stand too close to the edge, jack following him around the ED after he arrived for his shift and robby, not long after, being put on psychiatric hold on behavioural 02.
michael had a hard time accepting what happened. he was fine, why would his best friend stab his back like that? he begged and begged, told gloria that he was fine, to let him go, that he would come back in three months like planned.
days passed by, dana and jack visited him and anger consumed robby, hateful words left his lips as he tried to push away the people that worried about him.
river appeared in his life on the second day of his hold. robby had been transferred to a private room and in the early hours of the afternoon and caleb showed up with river in tow.Â
river was a thirty-something tiny thing that, when caleb first introduced them to robby, made robby laugh.
âthis is ridiculous.â he shook his head. âi have traumas older than them, caleb.â robby said, incredulous.
âgood thing long term trauma is my area of expertise, michael.â river said, grabbing robbyâs attention. they shot him a condescending smile and robby was torn between being offended and amused.
âriver is young but they are one of the best professionals iâve ever met. youâre in good hands, michael.â caleb told robby and ran his new weekly schedule with him before leaving michael with river for their first session.
the first week of sessions was spent in silence, five days of robby refusing to open his mouth. river was used to this; they had been working with 302 patients since their med school days, robbyâs reaction being completely normal given the situation he was in, the older man needed that time to himself, needed the time to accept his new, but temporary, reality.
after their fifth session, river seeked jack out. they sat down with the night attending, talked about his friend for hours to gather every bit of information about what robby liked.
so imagine robbyâs surprise when river arrived with a copy of âzen and the art of motorcycle maintenance: an inquiry into valuesâ. they talked, river expertly applied the bookâs teachings to robbyâs life and they finally won michaelâs trust.
and just like that, robby made significant progress in a short period of time.
michael was released after a month with the conditions of keeping going to therapy twice a week and finding a hobby that had nothing to do with his job.Â
so, for a month and some days, every monday, wednesday and friday mornings were spent at duke's bike shop, with robbyâs arms covered in grease and the easy companionship of his friend.Â
tuesdays and thursdays were therapy days, from nine to eleven robby would sit in front of river and chat his problems away. it wasnât linear, some days were easy, robby felt like all the weight of the world were lifted off his shoulders, some days he left feeling like he was helpless.Â
two months in, river loosened robbyâs leash. they allowed him to take the trip, with the conditions of it not being longer than two weeks, to be made by plane or that he drove there with his car â robby tried his best to bargain, to prove himself capable of riding his bicycle, to no avail â and that he shared his location with someone he trusted all of the duration of the trip. michael also had to give said friend proof of life twice a day. the lucky one ended up being jack.
and of course, his therapy sessions had to keep happening religiously, this time over zoom.Â
river knew they were taking a shot in the dark, knew that it was probably too early for michael to go on a long distance trip alone, one that he had planned to take his life on, but their therapist intuition also knew that robby needed to leave the one place that reminded him of all the bad things that had happened during his fifty four years of life.Â
and fifteen days later, the michael that crossed the threshold of their practice was a new man.Â
robby still had his demons, still had a lot to work on, especially when it came to his relationships.Â
so, on his first day back, river asked robby to list everyone he wanted to make amends with.Â
the list consisted of:
jake
heather collins
jack abbot
dana evans
frank langdon
you
so, weeks went by, robby talked about everyone with river, made the exercise of reaching out, grabbed a coffee with jake, beers with jack and a barbecue at langdonâs house, finally meeting his dog. robby took dana to the diner where they would have dinner together almost every night when they were both babies at the pitt, and had the longest facetime call of his life with heather, finally meeting her baby boy.Â
michael forgave and allowed himself to be forgiven. said his iâm sorryâs and his i love youâs.
robby talked about everyone, except for you. and that was the topic of todayâs therapy session.Â
river was the one to bring it up, obviously. they questioned robby, asked why was your name on the list and why robby had never mentioned you until now.Â
robby froze, babbled as words failed him.Â
âok, letâs make this easierâ river said, taking their glasses off and crossing their legs. they said your name. âwho is she in your life?â
âshe is the florist iâve been buying flowers for my dates for the past eight years. itâs a family business, i used to go there with my baba as a child.â
river nodded. âdo you need to apologise to her or to your grandmother?â
âto her. this isnât some unresolved shit with my grandmother.â robby answered, annoyed. three months working with river and he still found himself pressed by certain topics. âi hadnât gone there in ages. well, ever since baba died. i left pittsburgh, came back and didnât even know the place still existed until eight years ago when i started dating again.âÂ
riverâs pen worked with precision against their notebook and robby wanted to rip his hair out with the sight.Â
âalright, so you buy your datesâ flowers from her, why do you need to make amends with her?â
robby bit the inside of his cheek so hard it almost drew blood. âbecause i was going to leave without saying goodbye. because i was going to kill myself and the one person that cares about me outside of the hell hole i live wouldnât know. she texted me almost daily during covid to know how i was doing. she never judged me, always left an open space for me to talk and i took it for granted. i could see in her eyes how worried she was with me every time i stopped by the shop.â robby shook his head.
âi bought flowers for that date i had last month, and went there to pick them up as usual. poor thing was so tired and i scared her, but the sigh of relief she let out when she saw me was painful. she told me that i looked better, that it was good to have me back, for me to not go missing again. it fucking broke me.â robbyâs voice was barely above a whisper. he took a deep breath and exhaled. âi think i love her, river.â
the confession made river sit straight, and the therapist closed their notebook and uncrossed their legs. river ran a hand over their face and looked at robby for a few silent seconds. âis this feeling new?â
robby shook his head.Â
âhow long have you felt this way?â
âi donât know, a little over two years?â robby sighed. âafter heather, i think. i always thought she was beautiful and funny but the feelings only showed up after my last serious relationship.â
river nodded slowly, as if trying to make sense of the informations. âand you never acted on it becauseâŠ?â
âat first, the age gap. sheâs in her thirties and i felt awful about it, like a perverted old man.â robby gave a lame laugh. âthan i ran into her while she was on a couple of dates, both men were older. one kind of resembled me, i might add,â he told river, shaking one finger to give the statement more emphasis. river laughed. âthen when she was single, i wasnât and vice-versa. until one day i overheard her talking to a friend about not going to any dates anymore because she was tired of falling into traps and i knew i wasnât in a good place, so i decided her friendship was more important.â
âand now? what are you going to do?â river asks.Â
robby draws his shoulders up, almost touching his ears. he shakes his head, his voice failing him. âi donât know, river. i donât want to fuck this up⊠i canât fuck up the only relationship i have that hasnât been tainted yet.â
âi say you should ask her on a date.â river says and robby shoots them a look. âthe worst thing that could happen is her say that sheâs not interested and you two keep being friends.â
âshe knows about my not so stellar love life, man.â robby tells his therapist, looking like a kicked puppy with his big eyes.Â
âthen show her youâre a changed man.â
robby finds himself outside of petal & bloom. looking into the big window that oversees most of the storefront, he finds you working on an arrangement. you are moving around, bobbing your head as your lips sing along to a song.Â
he finally opens the door, the bell that announces new visitors catches your attention this time.Â
you turn around, and your expression goes from excited to a frown in seconds. it makes michael a little queasy.Â
it has been a little over a month since the last time he came in, and there is still another month to go by until he was supposed to come in for his usual. âhey, mike! have you sent an order? didnât see any come in, iâm sorry.â
âno, not really. i was in the neighbourhood and just wanted to see you.â
the confession makes you warm all over and stuns you a bit, leaving you speechless. âthatâs sweet of you.â
michael nods and you can see he is a little bit nervous.Â
âwhat are you making?â he points to the vase you were working on when he arrived.Â
âoh, itâs an arrangement. their manager is finally retiring and she loves flowers, so they ordered this one.â
robby nods in acknowledgment. âitâs beautiful. as everything you do always is.â
you snort. âthanks.â
michael looks around anxiously, thinking about what to say. âwhatâs your favourite flower?â
âoh. hold on!â you beamed and it made michael smile. you make way to the room michael had always wondered how it looked like since he was a child, the storage. you come back with a waxy looking red and white flower. âthis is an anthurium. people usually overlook her but i think sheâs amazing. and i know iâm not supposed to have favourite clients but zoya comes here every other saturday and her arrangements always have to have one and i love making those.â you grimace after your last statement. âsorry.â
michael gives you an earnest laugh. âitâs fine, sweetheart. my heart is not broken, just cracked a little bit.â it makes you giggle and michael feels like he has won the lottery. âwhat makes it your favourite?â
you squint at him. âhonestly?â he nods. âitâs such a crass reason, but itâs because it looks like a vulva. see,â you run a delicate finger around the edge of the spathe and across the spadix. âthe shape of the petal and this little guy here. also, sheâs a bisexual flower, meaning she can self pollinate.â
michael clears his throat and you look at him, seeing the red creeping from his neck up. âtoo much?â
he laughs. âno. as a lover of the female anatomy, i agree with you. can you make me something with one of those?â
âgood. and of course, give me a second.â
you go back inside the storage and come back with an array of colourful flowers following a red, white, pink and orange palette.
robby watches you work in awe and, not even ten minutes later, you turn around with one of the most beautiful arrangements he had ever seen.Â
you set the vase in front of him, point to each flower as you called their names. âorchid, rose, protea, chrysanthemum and, of course, anthurium. and a little eucalyptus leaves for contrast.â
âthis is beautiful, sweetheart.â
âthanks! i hope the lucky one that gets this thinks so too.â
âthis one is mine. how much do i owe you?â
the answer shocks you, but you donât show. you ring robby in and, for the first time, he pays you with apple pay.Â
âthank you for theââ
âdo you wanna go on a date with me?â robby interrupts you.
you start laughing and robby raises an eyebrow. âoh my god, youâre being serious!â
âi am, honey.â
you sigh. this is a question that the you of a few years back would be thrilled to be asked. the you of today? well, you had your qualms about it. âmike, i think you are a beautiful man and an incredible guy, but iâm your florist. iâve been following your dating pattern, closely, for the past couple of years and i just donât want to be another plaything to make your life exciting for the next eight weeks.â
your words hit michael in the face like a punch. he knew this could happened, in fact, the prepared himself to hear similar words on his way to the shop, but no pep talk in the world could ever actually make him immune to them.Â
but riverâs words echoed in his head.Â
âlet me show you iâm a changed man.â
you look at him. really look at him and he looks even better than he did the month before. but still, external changes donât always mean internal ones have also happened.Â
âletâs make a deal. ask me again in eight weeks. if the feeling still is the same, iâll go on a date with you.â you extend a hand to him.Â
michael smiles, extending one of his own to close the contract. âdeal.â
november 14, 2026.Â
your phone rings incessantly on the counter while you got your hand covered by steel gloves and pollen. you look up, glancing towards the clock above you, it marks 10:30.
the day talia told you about moving to new york, the two of you, after a long crying session, promised each other that you would have a weekly phone call every saturday morning, around 10:30. no excuses were accepted, rain or shine, hungover or not, 10:30 would hit and one would be calling the other.Â
you pull the glove out with your teeth, instantly regretting when the texture and the taste hit your lips, and pressed the call acceptance button.Â
âhey, babe. how are you?â you hear taliaâs groggy voice asking you, ratting her hangover out.Â
âgood, iâm good. how much did you have to drink last night?â
she giggles. âa lot. finally slept with paul.â
you stop and turn to face the screen of your telephone. âbitch, no way!â
âyes way, bitch!â she squeals and you can hear her slapping her mattress.Â
âis he there? how did it go?â
âoh, it was fantastic.â she sighed and laid sideways, propping a hand under her head. âheâs big everywhere and he knows how to use it. and heâs not here, i went back to his after the bar and left after, you know.â
âmhm.â
the conversation goes on for a while, talia telling you about the date, how paul had asked her out, about work and life in new york in general. you tell her about the shop and how the customers miss her.Â
almost two weeks had passed by and you still havenât told her about michaelâs proposal, knowing fully well she will pester you to accept the date already. you think about it twice, mutters a âfuck itâ and tell her anyway.Â
âtali, something happened a couple of weeks back that i havenât told you about. i need you to listen first and let me finish before you say anything.Â
âgirl, you are scaring me. is someone dying?â
you make an ugly noise and shake your head. âmichael came in two mondays ago, all sweet and shit. asked what my favourite flower was and why, asked me to make him an arrangement with one, then asked me on a date and iââ
âBITCHââ
âbitch, shut up and let me finish.â you sigh. âi said no.â
âwhy? did you tell him the vulva story?â talia asked. she knows you too well. unfortunately.Â
âyes, i did. and girl, you know his dating history, i donât want to be another notch on his belt.â
she looks at you, stretching the silence. âsay something.â you beg.Â
âbabe, youâve had a massive crush on him for ages. and yeah, i agree with you that it could go south in six to eight weeks but if he still asked you out after the vulva story, that man is crazy about you.â you stare at each other for a little and talia says âlive a little.â
âi live a lot and you know that.â you frown.Â
âyeah, but how long has it been since youâve felt the strong hands of a man or sat on a dââ
âokay, point taken.â you finish tying the bouquet that is supposed to the delivered at noon and start talking again. âi made a deal with him. if he still feels the same after eight weeks, iâll go on a date with him.â
âand he agreed to it?â
âinstantly. shook my hand and all.â
âgirl, thereâs your answer, heâs serious about this. you told me yourself that he looks healthier. maybe heâs in therapy or something.â the bell on the door rings, shifting taliaâs focus. âwho is there?â
you grab your phone, switching to the back camera to show michael in all of his six foot something glory, holding a pizza box and a bag with what you imagine to be sodas.Â
âmikey! i miss you, old manâ
âmiss you too, tali. howâs new york treating you?â
âitâs been great. i miss pittsburgh though. is that giuseppeâs pizza?â
âyes, it is.â michael says, way too please with himself.Â
âooof, bringing out the big guns, i see. iâll leave you two to your date.â talia winks at you.Â
âthis is not a date.â you quip.Â
âcould be.â michael says.Â
and talia completes. âif you werenât so stubborn.â
âokay, talia. you said you had to be going, right?â
âno, i didnât, but i will. besides, paul is texting me and i plan on hopping on that dick again today. you should do the same. bye, mikey. bye, bitch.â
âbye, talia.â
you donât even have time to say anything as talia purposely hang the call, knowing you would give her a piece of your mind.
when you finally look up at michael, you find him red as a pepper.Â
âsorry about that.â
âitâs alright. i take it you told her about our deal.â
âmhm.â you nod and leave it at that.Â
michael looks at you with such fondness in his eyes that makes your knees want to buckle, but you hold up.Â
he lifts his hands. âpepperoni pizza from giuseppeâs. your favourite, right? i remember you talking about it with tali.â
you nod again, feels like it is all your body can do right now. âthank you.â
âand pepsi. even though i think coke is better.â he says.Â
you squint your eyes. âthis is not a date, michael.â
he smiles and it reaches his eyes. âokay, it isnât. just me stopping by to see you.â
you study him. the toothy smile is sweet and it makes him look like a little quokka. you almost overthink your choices, but you are smarter than that.Â
âfine, but youâre going to make yourself useful. get back here and help me with the register.â
âyes maâam.â michael says and the look in his eyes make it seem like he had just won the lottery the second time.Â
november 24, 2026.Â
âgood morning!â you hear the familiar gravel voice greet. turning to your left, you find michael walking down the sidewalk with cups of coffee and what looks like an overfilled bag of pastries.Â
you take him in, the smile that now reaches his eyes, the lines that adorn those beautiful brown orbs and how he looks a bit fuller now. you glance down to your apple watch and find it marking 9:50a.m.
âmorning, mike.â you greet him back fumbling with the lock. the damned thing has been stuck for months, giving you a run for your money every morning. Â
âlet me take a look, sweetheart.â michael says, finally by your side. he hands you the coffee and the pastry bag, taking the keys from you.Â
it is ridiculous how fast he opens it, with just a couple of twists and turns that you were sure you had done the same. michael opens the door, steps to the side and tuts his head for you to come in.Â
âyour dexterous doctor fingers really come in handy.â you say as you step inside, walking around the room and turning all the lights on.Â
michael chuckles behind you and props his hips on the counter by your side. âthey work really well for many things.â he tells you with a sly smile on his lips as he wiggles his fingers in front of your face. you shake your head and snort.Â
michael hands you a cup and you take a sip, tasting the best cappuccino you have ever had. he tears the paper bag and opens it in a makeshift tray, spreading the baked goods over it. you grab a cinnamon roll.Â
âyouâre really serious about this, huh?â you say, pointing between the two of you. you truly thought he would just let the eight weeks pass and come back in case he hadnât lost interest in you.Â
âi got a date with the most beautiful girl in pittsburgh to win, donât i?â
âmm, i like the way you think.â you say as you start the system and turn the storeâs phone on. âhow good are you with customer service?â
âif my patient satisfaction score is anything to go by, not that good.â he tells you with a sheepish smile.Â
âawesome!â you give one single clap. âjust be your charming self and donât scare my customers away.â
for about an hour or so, you sit down with michael and teach him everything about the crm system and how to work the orders through the messages, how to input orders and send mass sms texts and an easier way of working the register than how he was doing the last time he visited you.Â
and, surprisingly, michael is incredibly good at it. he barely interrupts you to clear up a doubt, only doing it to ask if you work with certain flowers or if you can do certain types of arrangements the client is asking for.Â
he even got a hold of your forgotten white board and sticky notes and developed a colour coded system. the board was divided into eight columns, each vertical line dedicated to one hour, and the sticky notes categorised the orders; green for bouquets, yellow for arrangements, purples for combos/goodie baskets and pinks for last minute orders.Â
the way he beamed when you thanked him and told his idea was going to help you so much is going to be forever ingrained in your brain.Â
michaelâs charm also worked, well, like a charm. it was ridiculous watching him work, old ladies, young girls and some guys were practically drooling over him, wives making heart eyes at him while husbands seethed in jealousy. you even had to ask mike to grab some random basket you didnât even need so you could take over the sale to a couple that the husband was seconds away from blowing a gasket over how giggly his wife was with michael simply explaining to them the types of combos you offered.Â
âdid i do something wrong?â he asked when he came back, basket in hand as he watched the husband leave the store furious.Â
ânah, heâs just insecure.â
customers came and went and the bulk of the orders had already been picked up or delivered. sometime around noon, michael went out and bought lunch for the two of you, and you shared life stories while eating.Â
you are sitting down by the counter, scrolling through social media since you have already finished the dayâs orders. michael is outside working on the faulty lock.Â
ârobby?â you hear a male voice ask.Â
âwhat are you doing here?â now it was michaelâs turn to question.Â
âiâm here to pick-up the flowers i ordered for mira. what are you doing here?â
âfuck. shouldâve known that abbot, j. was you.â you hear michael curse and grumble.
âyou still havenât answered me.â the other man says and shoots a smile when you show up behind michael.
âis everything alright, mike?â you ask, one hand going over his left shoulder on instinct, and squeezing it.Â
âyeah, sweetheart. this is jack abbot, heâs a friend and my night shift attending physician at the PTMC. heâs here for the 3:30 peony combo.â
jack looks between you with curious eyes and a glint of happiness in them.Â
âoh, itâs so nice meeting you, jack. come in, your order is ready!â
jack shoots michael a smile and follows you inside.Â
you go over the arrangement with him, show him the flowers and tell they are as fresh as they can be, having arrived early this morning. you show him the chocolate and wine too, and ask him if he wants to keep those or change anything. he tells you everything is great, that his girlfriend will love your work and that he will be coming back. he looks at michael when he says this, and you are pretty sure that there is something else going on, but you donât press on it.
he pays and you give him the pamphlet that teaches the best way to care for the flowers.Â
jack says his goodbyes and once again you tell him it was nice meeting him. michael follows him outside, but you decide not to pry on it.Â
âgot a new job and forgot to tell us about it, mike?â jack asks, stressing the nickname you used to call him.
he can count on two fingers the people who call him that: jack and you.Â
jack goes on. âis she the girl you were talking about the other day?â robby had mentioned you to jack a couple of times before. said something about being interested in someone, about how amazing you are and how terrified he was of fucking it up.Â
robby nods. âjust following my therapistâs orders.â he winces.Â
âthatâs great, dude! sheâs beautiful and seems like a good person. how long have you been together?â
âwe havenât.â robby laughs. âsheâs giving me a run for my money.â
his friend joins him and laughs too. âhonestly? those are the best. iâm sure sheâs worth it.â
robby nods and a lovesick smile spreads on his face. âyeah, she is.â
jack hugs his friend. âiâm happy for you, man. but you gotta tell me all about this later.â
robby agrees and says goodbye.Â
michael makes his way back inside, only to find you with your elbows propped against the counter, hands holding each side of your face that has a rather mischievous smile adorning it.Â
âwhat?â he wonders.Â
âis this the same jack iâve made a bouquet for before?â
robby turns pink instantly and only nods.Â
âhuh. i get it now.â
âget what?â
âheâs hot.â
december 11, 2026.Â
it is a cold friday. snow made its descent last night, covering the streets in white. it is also your busiest friday of the month; the one before you get your three weeks off.Â
it seems counterintuitive since december is one of the busiest months, but it was a limit your single mom grandmother set for herself so she could spend some time with her daughter. so every december since its opening, petal & bloom works with orders only, taking no walk-ins, and hundreds of happy clients leave with their potted plants, arrangements, wreaths and garlands in the first two weeks of the month and you get your yearly three weeks of vacation.Â
âare we done?â katherine, one of the extras you had hired, asked.Â
âmhm. now all we have to do is give them to their new owners.â you answer her.Â
âoh, thank god.â owen complained by your side, making you laugh. âi canât stand on my feet anymore.â
you glance at your watch and it changes from 2:59 to 3:00p.m.
âyou guys should go home and rest for tomorrow. itâll be our busiest day.â you say and tut your head towards the door as soon as michael comes in with the tray of cappuccino he went out to get for everybody. âmike and i can deal with the rest.â
the kids grab their belongings and the much needed coffee, thanking you and michael for the day and say their goodbyeâs and see you laterâs.Â
you and michael sit in silence, enjoying the hot beverage he brought and the lull that graces the shop now, knowing it will soon change when people start leaving their jobs in a couple of hours. your eyes are closed and the warmth of michaelâs hand on your back is almost putting you to sleep. you sigh and let your forehead rest against the cool counter.Â
âyou alright?â he asks
you nod, voice muffled by the position you are in as you speak. âjust tired. i make the kids leave on time but keep working till god knows when. canât remember the last time iâve slept for eight hours straight.â
he huffs by your side and you turn your head to the right, right on time to see him hit the âpissed off momâ pose with a pointed look on his eyes and hands on his hips. it makes you get up, giggling.
âwhat?â
michael was about to speak when the bell rang. you turn around to find marie walking in, in full glory with her extravagant hairdo, vintage fur coat and red nails, bedazzled cane shining as she makes her way inside the shop.Â
âgood afternoon, marie.â
âgood afternoon, my darling. who is this handsome man we have here?â she says, pointing the foot of her cane towards michael.Â
âthis is michael, heâs a good friend of mine.â you answer her with a smile.Â
âitâs nice to meet you, marie.â he tells her in that tone of voice that you are sure all of his older patients love.Â
ânice to meet you too, handsome.â she runs a hand over his arm and michael is red up to the tip of his ears. you smile at him. âbut i thought you had finally found yourself a good man and brought him here to boss around like your mother and grandmother did.â
you and michael exchange looks and you can see the gears turning on his head.Â
âyou know, marie. this one here bosses me around all day, and iâm not complaining! i like it when sheâs bossy, but i cannot get a date with her as much as i try. youâve got an advice for me?â
marie looks at the two of you. studies how you look at michael and how he looks at you. her face is void of any emotion, long gone is the warm expression she holds at all times. the silence stretches for way longer than what would be considered comfortable. it feels nerve wrecking.Â
and in a beat, she is back to her normal self.Â
âthis girl loves you, but you have to show her you feel the same, that this isnât just a game.â
michael nods and agrees with her. you feel like you have been caught, so you swallow, put a nonchalant face on and try your best to sound like this hasnât affected you.Â
âwe gotta make them work for it, donât we, marie?â
âof course, my darling. thatâs why my marriage lasted fifty years.â
michael and you smile at her and you can feel him look at you after, but donât dare to look at him. like an expert, you change the course of conversation, and start talking about her order, a giant wreath filled with amaryllises, hellebores and skimmias.Â
she compliments your work, gushes about how you always outdo yourself and thanks you before she leaves with michael in tow, who carries the big box for her, helping marie accommodate it in her car.Â
michael comes back with a pensive face on, and you study him for a bit before returning the same question he asked you minutes before marie arrived. âyou alright?â
he shakes his head, one hand caressing the back of his head, self soothing. âyeah, iâm fine. she just⊠reminded me a lot of my baba.â
you take michael on and notice how the confident demeanour he had minutes ago gave place to a frail one. tapping your nails on the counter, you consider your next move.Â
âwait here.â you tell him as you get up from your stool and make your way to your storage room to retrieve something you have found months ago.Â
âwhat is this?â michael asks when you hand him an old photo album.Â
âthis was my grandmaâs. i went to visit her a few weeks before your sabbatical and she was showing me all of these old photo albums from the time she opened the shop. she used to take pictures of her favourite clients with whatever they got.â you stop talking when he looks at you. michaelâs eyes are rimmed with red and unshed tears. âiâve been holding on to it for a while, wanted to give it to you but couldnât find a proper time.â
he gives you a small nod and swallow, before opening the album.Â
michael has seen the bright pink arrow sticky notes marking a few pages, but he doesnât rush it. he goes through the pages slowly and reads what is written beside each picture, stalling for the inevitable, preparing himself for what is to come.Â
the first sticky note marked picture shows his baba holding a bouquet of blue hydrangeas, irises, white roses, and yellow tulips, captioned with her name and a date, the one he was born, and âmichael has finally arrived!â
she has the same smile he remembers her always sporting and something stirs inside of him.Â
he keeps on going and is met with several pictures of his grandmother and him in various moments of their lives. he stops by a specific one, groans and starts laughing.Â
âfuck, i remember this day like it was yesterday.â his fingers trace the picture and the writing that says âmikey got flowers for his first date! 07/12/1987.â
âi came here desperate because i had scored a date with the hottest girl in school, stacy williams, and didnât know what to get her. your grandma was so happy for me, while your mom started laughing at my babbling.â
âclassic her.â you added.Â
âyeah. but she was nice at the same time too, gave me a bunch of advice of what to and what not to do and made me the prettiest white and pink roses bouquet. turns out she was allergic to flowers and had this horrid allergic reaction and ended up in the hospital. never spoke to her again.â he laughs in defeat.Â
âoh my god. was she ok?â
âmhm, she just hated me after what happened and refused to talk to me.â
âoh,â you nod. âvalid.â
he agrees with you. âthank you for this.â he shakes the album. âi miss her so much.â
you give him a side hug and michael finally lets his silent tears fall.Â
january 04, 2027.Â
first monday of the year. first day off after the holiday season and first therapy session in two weeks (river was on their holiday leave).
robby felt like shit, tired from two back to back weeks of hardcore shifts, on edge and thoughtful after a rather gruesome therapy session with river, where they touched subjects that refuses to even think about right now. all he wants is to go and spend the rest of the day in the shop with you.Â
even if there is a little something in the back of his head nagging him about it. he blames it on the stress.Â
the first few hours he spent with you were great. he found you waiting for him with a packed lunch that consisted in the best chilli con carne he had ever had, white rice, cornbread and coleslaw, and warm cherry pie for dessert.Â
it was as slow as the first monday of the year always is, just a few walk-ins here and there and the regulars like mr. fabbri. michael helped you around the shop, counted inventory, cleaned the displays and even swept the floors. Â
you tried not to think about how domestic that felt.Â
âyou know, the eighth week is approaching.â michael tells you as he brings you a cup of coffee that he just made.Â
âreally?â you say trying to feign nonchalance, but your playful, almost lovesick smile comes out.Â
between the non-dates and daily texts about nothing and everything, it is getting harder and harder to control your feelings for michael.Â
maybe talia has heard an earful about it.Â
âmhm. in five days.â he is awfully close to you when he speaks, too close you can smell the mix of coffee and his spearmint gum. his beautiful brown eyes are too big behind his prescription glasses, almost hypnotising you. it is charming and endearing at the same time.Â
whatever you were going to reply is cut off when he says. âgod, i love this song.âÂ
michael turns the sound system volume up a tone or two and starts giving you a very off key rendition of âa sunday kind of loveâ by etta james. he extends a hand, silently asking you for a dance, and when you are about to accept it, a voice bursts your bubble.Â
âwhat a beautiful sight.â comes from a gorgeous tall woman with the most beautiful naturally tan skin you had ever seen.Â
âwelcome to petal & bloom.â
ânoelle!â
you and michael say in unison and you notice the surprise in his voice and when you look at him, you see how his demeanour changed.Â
noelle. you know that name. you have made a very familiar bouquet and written a very familiar note addressed to it. but, unlike how it went with jack a month or so ago, the air feels charged.
you look back a michael and he is stuck in place, acting like he had been caught doing something wrong, so you put some distance between you two, swallow the lump on your throat and pull the friendly shop owner façade back on.Â
âhow can i help you today, noelle?â
âiâm looking for a gift for a friend, itâs her birthday.â she says and you turn around the counter, guiding her to the combo display. you feel her looking back at michael when she says âyou know, i was once gifted a bouquet from petal & bloom. it made me fall in love with your work.â
âthanks!â you try to be as warm as you can, but all you want to do is run away from there. âthese are the pre-made combos weâve got. they are all fresh, made this morning. if nothing suits what you are looking for, iâll happily make one following your vision.â
she nods and walks around, looking what you had to offer. you make your way back to your place behind the counter and michael tries to touch your hand, but you give him a small, quick head shake and he retracts his fingers.Â
you feel queasy.Â
a couple of minutes pass by and she comes back with the yellow flowers arrangement and swiss pralineé combo. it is one of your favourite arrangements, filled with various tones of soft yellow flowers; scorpion orchids, roses, gerberas, billy buttons and strawflowers.
âthatâs a great choice!â you say as she hands you the box.Â
âthanks. you havenât been making great choices yourself, have you?â she counters, eyes flicking between you and michael.Â
ânoelleâŠâ michael whispers.Â
âmichael and i are just friends.â the excuse that was once playful now feels bitter on your lips.Â
she smiles at you and it is not a mocking one, it almost feels pitiful. âhoney, iâm a fifty four year old woman, i know what the scene i walked in looked like. take what i have to say as an older woman advice: even if you two are just friendly, the feelings clearly exist. robby has a mean seven week fling streak and the endings are always bleak, trust me, iâve been there. donât let yourself get in too deep.â
too fucking late.Â
you finish ringing her in silence. she apple payâs you and on autopilot you say âthank you for choosing petal & bloom!â
she gives you a sad smile and walks away without even looking at michael again.Â
he calls your name and puts a hand on the small of your back that you promptly slaps away. you donât see the devastated look he has on his face as your rummage the bottom of the register for the old, probably past expiration date pack of marlboro red that you kept there from the time you used to smoke. you grab your coat and make your way outside.Â
you donât really go anywhere, just sit on your haunches in front of the shopâs window.Â
the first hit goes down scratching your throat and burning your lungs, but you donât cough. the conversation replays on your head countless times and you start overanalysing the last couple of months.Â
âsweetheart, itâs cold. come inside.â michael tells you from the door. you shake your head. âcâmon, baby. i need to talk to you.â
you get up, walk past him without acknowledging his presence and back down on your trusty stool. michael sighs before making his way towards you. he doesnât sit by your side like he did before, but stands in front of you.Â
ânoelle was my last relationship before the sabbatical. i broke up with her on the fourth of july moments before i left for the trip.â
âwhy?â you ask and he grimaces.Â
âbecause i wasnât going to come back.â michael exhales. âi was going to take my own life.â
you are speechless and the only thing that leaves your lips is a broken âmikey.â
he takes this as an advantage to be honest with you. so he tells you about everything that happened. about the month he was held on the psychiatric hold and how jack was the one to intervene, that he never left for the sabbatical on the fourth, about river and therapy and how he feels about you, that he did end up making the trip much later than intended and with the restrictions set by his therapist, that he still has his highs and lows, but helping you around the shop and seeing you almost every week has been the highlight of his days. michael says that not many people know about this, only jack, dana and the board of directors, and that that is what might have prompted noelleâs reaction. he is still talking, you hear his voice and sees his mouth moving, but the words âi was going to take my own lifeâ keeps flashing behind your eyes. michael is saying something about how his terrible love life is a product of abandonment when you hug him tight over the counter.Â
âiâm glad you are here with me.â you tell him, voice muffled by his chest. you feel it rumble with his soft laughter.Â
you pull back to look at him with mascara running down your face. michael wipes your tears.Â
âi should probably send jack some flowers.â you wonder.Â
michael laughs again, happier this time. âyeah, honey.â
january 20, 2027.Â
michael hasnât been to the shop in over two weeks. but that doesnât mean you havenât seen each other that long.Â
after the talk you had that monday, michael helped you close petal & bloom and drove you home. he said that he would be giving you some time to let you think after everything that happened that day.Â
of course talia heard all about it in a face time call that lasted over four hours. she understood you, validated your feelings and agreed that the whole noelle incident was enough to not go with things further. but she also pointed out michaelâs honesty and how he is constantly putting work on himself and on you, and that, if she were you, she would give him the chance he had been working so hard to get.Â
about a week in you finally text him, asking how he had been doing, about work and his next day off and next thing you knew, he had asked you out for drinks. in a non date, of course.Â
the night went great. you guys talked like nothing had happened, he apologised again and told you he would be having a few back to back shifts the next week, but that he would be visiting you again as soon as he had a day off.Â
you canât remember how you got to the topic of family, but after a few beers in, you casually told him that you talked about him to your nana and your mother.Â
âmaybe you should introduce me as your boyfriend next time.â he said it so casually that even himself was stunned.
michael was about to apologise when you smiled at him, brought the beer bottle to your lips and said âiâll think about it.â before downing the drink.Â
he texted you around thirty minutes ago to let you know he had just gotten out of therapy and that he was buying lunch and asked âlebanese or indian?â, to which you answered âlebanese, please.â
you are watering the pots when he finally arrives, kissing your cheek as he beelines for the tiny kitchen. âgod, iâm starving!â he exclaims. katherine and owen look at you with sly smiles and you notice, shake your head as you walk past them, saying something about taking turns.Â
it is a somewhat calm day, valentineâs day orders are starting to come in after you posted this yearâs campaign on petal & bloomâs social media, but nothing out of the ordinary for a late january wednesday.Â
âwhat are you reading?â you ask michael as you come back from the storage with an assortment of flowers. he turns and shows you on the road by kerouac, the sight of his big bug eyes behind his readers makes that familiar warmth that you donât dare name bloom inside you once again.Â
âthatâs a good one.â you say and wait a bit. michael always got lost in his reading. âwanna learn how to make a bouquet?â
âreally?â he asks excitedly.Â
âmhm.â you hum and tut your head, giving him some space to join you on your work bench.Â
âin floristry we have what is called the â3-5-8 rule,â you begin the explanation.Â
âthatâs the fibonacci sequence, isnât it?â he asks.Â
âyes, it is. good boy.â you say, only to find michael beet red after the praise. it makes you smirk, but you continue like nothing has happened. âthis is a formula created to make well balanced designs. itâs basically three focal flowers, the larger ones, five stems to add texture and greenery and eight filler flowers, the smaller ones, to add depth. this isnât a do or die thing, but i like following this rule when making certain types of bouquets like this one. this is a birthday gift for a mother. based on the notes, she doesnât have a favourite flower, but she likes neutral colours, so i got white hydrangeas, dusty pink roses and dark purple calla lillies. for the foliage, citrus tree branches and rosemary, theyâll also give off a really nice, fresh scent. and for the fillers, baby breaths and wax flowers.â you explain, pointing at each flower as you named them. michael nodded and hummed, never interrupting you.Â
âwanna give it a try?â
âyeah!â he exclaims excitedly.Â
you step aside, giving michael space to work. as you expected, michael uses his doctor tenderness while working the flowers. he grabs them like they are they most delicate beings in the world, studies them, putting each side by side to see the best position to set them.Â
michael works in silence and you donât dare to break his concentration. he asks a question or two to know if he is on the right path.Â
âwhat do you think?â he asks, turning the flowers to you.Â
the bouquet is perfect, you couldnât have made it better yourself.
âi think that if you ever get bored of being a doctor, i got a position here for you.â
michael is red again, the colour coming up from his neck and taking over his face and you notice that he has a problem taking praises. âthat good?âp
âyes, mikey.â you smile at him. he nods shyly.Â
michael looks at the bouquet with a pleased smile on his lips, turning it around in his hands, adjusting pieces here and there. when it came to tying the bow, he struggled with the burlap string, but you helped him.Â
the bell rang announcing the arrival of a customer you werenât exactly fond of: maurice. he is the typical new york italian, with the accent, the attitude and the flirting. he and his family moved to pittsburgh when he was still a teen, after his father got transferred, but new york never left him.Â
maurice walks in like he owns the place, gives michael a silent âsupâ with his head and you a âwhatâs up, sweet cheeks?â
you cringe internally, with the nickname and with the look you can see michael giving you through your peripheral vision.Â
âhow have you been doing, maurice?â you ask him with your best customer service voice on.Â
âbetter now that i see you, baby.â
you smile, ignore the flirting as usual as you ring him and give him the bouquet. âhope patricia likes it.â patricia, his mom, is the typical new york italian mother, and something in her reminds you of big ang. you love her.
âof course she will. the only thing prettier than these is you.â he winks at you, and, in a more serious tone, he completes. âshe loves your work, you know that.â
âthanks, but michael was the done who did it this time. i only supervised him.â
maurice fully acknowledges michael for the first time and both men have a territorial look on their faces. it is pathetic.Â
âmaybe you can supervise me over some wine. what do you say, baby?â
you hold a snort and gives him your best sweet smile. âweâll see, maurice.â and to put a stop to the conversation, you say âthank you for choosing petal & bloom once again.â
maurice nods and smiles at you. âsee you around, baby.â he leaves, giving michael one of his nods again.Â
you can feel michael exhaling and his eyes burning a hole on you. ââsweet cheeks? âbaby?â âweâll see, mauriceâ? first name basis with his mom and everything?â the tone of his voice is so harsh, you feel your skin prickling.Â
âuse your big boy words and ask me what you want to ask me, michael.â
he sorts and shakes his head, hands on his hips as he stares at you with an incredulous expression. âiâ youâ whyââ
you started to get annoyed and decides to save him the trouble. âhim and his mother have been coming here since forever. no, we havenât fucked and yes, he flirted with talia, he flirts with me and you bet your ass he will flirt with kathy once he sees her. thatâs how maurice works.â
âand you fucking let him!â he raises his voice, almost angry.
âfirst of all, watch your fucking tone, michael.â he murmurs you an âiâm sorryâ and you continue. âsecond of all, what do you want me to do? iâve had men buying flowers for their spouses flirt with me. i work with people, we work with people and as annoying as it is, it fucking happens! i bet you get flirted with all the time too, give me a break!â
âwell, i donât like that you get flirted with!â he counters, almost like a child.Â
you laugh at him. âi donât like knowing you get flirted with either, michael!â
âyeah?!â
âyeah!â
âwellââ he cuts himself, kissing you. it is a hurried, messy kiss that catches you off guard and you only reciprocate a second later. michael calms down when you finally do, and starts moving his lips slowly against yours, tongues meeting in a soft dance. the hand on your waist squeezes the soft of your stomach as he corners you against the counter, and the one with its fingers between your hair brings your closer to him.Â
you are lost in time, the feeling of his body against your is overwhelming and calming at the same time, and it feels like there is only the two of you in the world. you donât want this to end.Â
but we donât always get what we want, and a soft gasp startles you, bursting your bubble. your turn fast and find kathrine and owen looking at your shocked.Â
âgirlâŠâ owen says.Â
âiâ i should go.â michael says, walking hurriedly outside. his âon the roadâ copy forgotten beside the register.Â
âjesus fuck!â you mutter under your breath.Â
âhe fucking left?!â talia shouts from her side of the screen.Â
you left a little after michael did. told kathy and owen that you would talk to them about it later. that at that moment, all you needed was to relax and forget about what had just happened, and asked them to close the shop. you texted talia as soon as you got inside your car, saying that you needed to talk to her as soon as she got home.Â
it would take her another hour or so, so you took a relaxing bath and ordered some japanese, that the two of your are now sharing between screens.Â
âwhat do you mean he left?!â she asks again after you explained everything that happened.Â
âhe just left, tali. the kids showed up, katherine was shocked and i guess he freaked out.â you pop another piece of sushi in your mouth. âugh, why is he like this?â
âi think he caught himself off guard, honey.â
âyeah, maybe.â
silence falls between you and the two of you keep eating. talia is watching you with a wicked smile on her face, and you already know what is coming next.Â
âwhat?â you ask.Â
âhow was it?â
âgirl, it was so fucking good.â you throw your chopsticks to the side so you can talk with your hands, making your friend laugh. âhis lips are so soft and his beard actually smells good! iâm certain he has some crazy beard oils in his bathroom. and girl, he is big! you know that. but he engulfed me and holy fuck! also, his hands! his fingers! i need them inside of me.â
talia starts laughing with your rambling, pleased with how you are finally letting loose, even if only for a little bit.Â
âare you going after him?â
âno, letâs see if heâll show up at the shop again.â
february 01, 2027.Â
michael went radio silent after the kiss. you were seriously considering faking an injury only to visit him at the PTMC, and then, ten days later, he texts you again like nothing had happened. he apologises for going missing, tells you he had to go on a last minute trip to nebraska to consult on a patient. he talks to you like usual, asks you how your days went and sends you his old people memes, but never mentions the kiss.Â
the shop is chaotic today, clients coming and going, people texting and calling, wanting to get their valentineâs day orders in and shipments of supplies for the holiday are arriving. part of you wishes he would show up today. for the help.Â
also because you miss him.Â
zoya is leaning over the counter, excitedly showing you some arrangement ideas she got from pinterest when michael arrives, large box of pizza and drinks in hand. he makes his way over the counter, says his good afternoonâs, kisses your cheek and leaves for the kitchen to store the food.Â
zoya is silent, watching everything in awe. michael comes back, apologises for interrupting you again and asks what he can help you with.Â
as if on queue, one of the delivery trucks arrives, and you ask him to receive the packages.Â
âboyfriend?â your regular asks.Â
âno.â you try to hide the wince. âitâs kind of complicated.â
she gives you a look that almost feels predatory. she turns her head to watch michael talk to the delivery team. âif you donât plan on making a move please tell me, âcause i will.â
you give her a smile that you can only describe as painful, as much as you tried to fake normalcy, and change the subject back to her order.
you finish it in record time.Â
after lunch, you left katherine and owen responsible of the store front so you and michael could catalogue and put away the new supplies.Â
you worked in silence, each responsible for a side of the storage
âyou angry at me?â he asks after a while.Â
âno.â
his eyes meet yours and you roll them.Â
âa bit. but thatâs not what is annoying me right now.â
âwhat is it, then?â he asks as he makes his way to you.Â
you sigh and set the scanner and ipad down.Â
âzoya asked me if you were my boyfriend and i said no, that itâs complicated and she told me that, if i donât make a move, she will.â
michael smiles at the information, and it only grows as he notices your annoyance.Â
âso, youâre jealous of me.â he states.Â
âyouâre insufferable.â you tell him and get back to scanning.Â
âyou are!â he laughs again. âyou are jealous and donât want to admit.â
âfine, i am!â you turn to him again. âlike you were of maurice.â
âyeah, i was and i didnât hide it.â
âyeah, but you ran away after kissing me.â you say, voice almost breaking.Â
michael sighs and gets closer to you, so close you can feel the heat radiating from his body.Â
âiâm sorry.â
you nod. âitâs okay.â
he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and caress your cheek with the same hand. âthe eight weeks have passed, honey. weâve been doing this for four months now and i only get crazier and crazier about you.â
âcrazy enough that you kiss me and leave?
âiâm sorry.â you hear honesty and a tinge of frustration in his voice.Â
âyeah, youâve apologised already.â
âapparently it wasnât enough because you keep bringing it up!Â
you sit down on the floor and michael follows behind, groaning as he sits beside you.Â
you grab his hand, play with his long fingers to distract you from your own vulnerability. âi love you, mikey. itâs just⊠iâve been through a lot of shit and i donât think i have it in me to be hurt again. especially not by you.â
he circles an arm around your shoulders and brings you closer. âi canât promise you iâll never hurt you, but i can promise that iâll try my best not to and that iâll show you everyday how important you are to me, and how much i love you too. now what do you say, that date, this friday. giuseppeâs at seven?â
three months later
âwhere do you need me?â michael asks after he pecks your lips. he would try to take the large birthday cake from your hands, but he knows you would complain.
âcould you get the drinks, baby? tali is already setting the table.â you say, already making your way to the dining table.Â
it is your grandmaâs eighty first birthday, and, as a surprise, you a talia brought a whole party to her house. that included michael and paul, of course.Â
the scream the matriarch let out when she saw michael with you was almost deafening. she kept gushing about how the robinavitch boy turned into a handsome man, and that she was happy you had finally found a good one.Â
you were happy too. happy that you have finally opened up, happy that you had let michael in and let him show up that he had changed. happy that you are being loved the way you have ever wanted.Â
âshit.â mike mutters as he searches for something in his pockets. âanyone got a lighter?â
you put the cake in front of your grandma and she insists that none of this was needed. paul palms around his pants and finds the black lighter he always uses. he throws it to michael from the other side of the table.Â
âready?â mike asks as he lights the colourful candles.Â
âone, two, three! happy birthday to youâŠâ
taglist: @junebug0417, @scarlet-nerded, @rufles2, @iamapersonwholikesunicorns, @icaruselise, @allthewhateverthings, @a-sleepy-golden-storm, @itsyagrillkat, @skagelynn, @ughyna, @beardedbarba, @poseidon12345, @starcrownedmutant, @bealads, @4ngryt3ars, @zayn-210, @astro-engine, @hastilybaveflux, @smilenotfrown, @nciscmjunkie, @mafersita101, @phoenixhalliwell, @gardonromsey, @isthatacandle, @ivy-stuffs, @omgwoah15, @kidd3ath, @drrobbyfan, @drabbotfan, @grubeboss4, @yiiiikesmish, @xoxoloverb, @freakedtfout4, @nfwmb-gvf, @uncut-femmes, @redhooduwu, @theariespov
NPT since you guys showed a little interest in the story: @inkdippedquills, @thedamnqueenofhell, @skymouth
domesticblisss 2026. comments and reblogs are appreciated.
Ladybug !
synopsis hi fell in love with your portrayal of dr. robby is it okay for me to request for dr. robbyâs attending! wife and the early signs of pregnancy before she decided to take a test? (like falling asleep while doing charts or over a casual conversation hehe) request!
warningsTW vomit, usual hospital-ness. language, smutish, pregnancy and baby talk stuff
authornote this was a request that I loved writing so much but nobody needs to know the work that went into publishing it, that stays between me and @expreissionism who requested, thanks so much again!
My Pitt masterlist. Other Robby fic!
Robby left exam room four and- like always- he found you first.Â
He smiled. The kind that took over his whole face, that crinkled his eyes and caused his cheeks to hurt. The sort people didn't see often in the deep hells of the Pitt unless he was looking at you. Or talking about you. Or thinking about you. Basically, if he smiled like that it was you.
But his smile faded quick when he took note of you.Â
âHey?â
You jerked up, looking at him.Â
Robby leant over the counter, sliding on his glasses and looked closer.Â
He was too close to you to be studying you like a patient, but just close enough for his wife.Â
âYou eat anything today?â he asked.Â
You squinted at him. âWe literally got breakfast this morning.â
âOkay, okay.â
There were darkening circles under your eyes and your lips were chapped which was his first sign something was wrong: you treated moisturising your lips like some do religion. Other than that your body was slumped over a computer. You were far more active than this.Â
âYou sleep okay last night?â he asked.
You smirked. âWell no, not really, someone kept me up.â
Robby smirked right back, leaning back just enough to give you space. âAre you complaining?â
âNo.â
Flashbacks of last night came to mind in searing heat. The sweat of your bodies, the grip he held on your hand as he fucked you into the mattress like he did most nights.Â
They said your libido goes down the older you get but Robby was going through another one. His box of blue pills sat abandoned in his bedside draw- thank god.Â
Robby nodded once. âGood.â
âBut that saying,â you continued, swivelling in your chair to face him. Still, he didn't move. He could smell the shampoo you'd bathed yourself in this morning and his mouth salivated like a dog with his favourite treat. âFour rounds?â
Robby took a quick sweep of the area, making sure nobody was missing him and his wife as they flirted shamelessly. âYou asked for it.â
You frowned. âDid I?â
âHey!â called Dana. âMr and Mrs Adams, we could use your help here!â
You playfully rolled your eyes and Robby backed away slowly, hands up in surrender. He watched Dana turn to at least give them a second to finish up their flirting before digging into his pocket.Â
âHere- for your lips.â
A small, practically un-used tube of chap-stick fell from the palm of his hand to yours. He carried it for you, always. If you'd asked you'd know he carried an extra pack of nuts and hand cream too.Â
He'd been doing so secretly since your first dates years ago.Â
Of course the supplies were different but the sentiment the same.
You blushed, a bright smile coming to your face. âYou are so adorable.â
Robby shook off the word like it was splash of cold water. âYeah, don't let onto anyone, okay? Got a cold exterior to keep up.â
âOh- of course.â
He could have stood there and watched you all day but he already felt Dana's gaze, un-wavering. He squeezed your shoulders and pressed a kiss on your forehead before slipping away with a quiet promise to himself that he'd get his hands on you later.
âYou don't look so well, you know,â said Dana once the coast was clear of Robby.Â
âDon't you start,â you said. âI've had enough of this the last couple days from Robby.â
âOh yeah, you got something?â Dana's hand was gentle on your back. If you weren't careful she'd push you onto a bed, have you in a gown with a chart written up herself. She'd mother you; smother you in her care even if she wasn't a doctor. Even if you were the attending around the place.Â
You shook your head and flashed her a un-convincing smile.Â
You were sure it was a bug, or burn out.
You'd caught burn out like some do colds or flus. As the second attending it was your job- with Robby's- to make sure everyone was taught, that patients were satisfied (you found you were doing that part for your husband as well) and you were saving as many lives as you could.Â
The careful art of delegation and avoidance was lost on you. You threw yourself into traumas like you were still a med student with something to prove.
âOkay, if you say so,â said Dana with a purse of her lips.Â
âI do say so.â
âIf you need anything.â
âAm I married to you or Robinavitch?â you teased, tugging on gloves and readying yourself for a room of hustle.Â
Dana chuckled, backing away slowly to her station. âYou should be so lucky, Robinavitch.â
Using the weight of your back you pushed into trauma two.Â
âOkay, kids- what have we got?â
âFetal heart rate one-two-eight.â
Whitaker was at your side in an instant, handing you the chart. âWoman in her late twenties, came in complaining of cramping and migraines, twenty-nine weeks along.â
âBP is one-seventy, over one-nineteen.â
The woman was on her side, a whole score of nurses and doctors around her. It was always double the team for pregnant ladies. When there were two patients to care for in a package of one.
âSix grams of magnesium going in.â
You floated around the room, Whitaker following you like some guard dog. You took in everything going on, reading stats and taking in numbers everyone gave to you. âOkay, ma'am, I'm Doctor Robinavitch, everyone calls me Robin. It seems you have a medical condition called preeclamsia.â
The woman's eyes were teary and dark as they looked up to you in fear. âWh-what?â
âPreeclampsia. Now that we know what it is we can help you.â
âBut it was- it was just a headache,â she cried, hand cradling her stomach on instinct. âIs my baby going to be okay?â
âWe are doing everything to make sure you and the baby do just fine,â you assured her, speaking a language you'd become fluent in. Diagnosis and comfort. Sometimes, when the job got tough, you wondered if you even really believed the words you were saying. They just floated from your tongue typically.Â
âThe thing is with your condition we have to take you up to OB and deliver this baby,â you told her.Â
âOB's been paged,â Santos informed you.Â
âBut it's too early,â the woman sobbed, clutching at her rounded stomach like she could keep the baby there.Â
âI know but the baby's pulse is strong which is good,â you told her. âAnd if we want to keep the ball rolling in the right direction we have to got to get to it now, okay?â
âDoctor Robin,â said Whitaker. âLabs are back in.â
âRead them to me.â You were still holding the lady's hand over her stomach, trying to comfort her.Â
âHemoglobin seven-point-five, platelets forty. LFT's are... woah-â
âDon't hold out on us Huckleberry, what's going on?â asked Santos.Â
âThey're high- real high-â
âWhich can mean?â you ask out to the room, remembering the hundreds of times Gloria reminded you off your status as a 'teaching hospital,'.Â
âHELLP syndrome,â said Denis.Â
âPoint to you.â
Under your hand the patient began to tremble. A quick glance at the monitor showed her blood pressure rising. Panic, most likely, something else it could have been entirely.Â
âHey, boy or a girl?â you asked, watching her eyes flicker. âDo you know what you're having?â
She blinked slow. âBoy.â
âAny name ideas?â
Her mouth had opened to say something but instead of a name vomit spewed, rolling down the gurney and splashing your scrubs- the one time you didn't put on a gown.Â
âOh shit- she's seizing!â
Everyone and you reacted quickly in holding her, trying to calm her shakes.Â
It had never happened before, you'd never had so many senses tuning it an once but the smell of her breakfast wafted up to your nose. An un-familiar roll in your stomach curdled and you pursed your lips shut, turning away and burying your nose into the still fresh part of your scrubs.Â
âFifteen litres on by mask!â Whitaker yelled. âIntubation?â
He was looking to you.Â
You shook your head, unable to speak with half your focus going on calming the insides of your stomach.
âWith all the seizing we can't get a read on the baby's status,â said Santos.Â
Fuck- you'd have to say something. You couldn't leave a fresh doctor and student into clampsia blind. âUltrasound,â you breathed out, still unable to face where the sick started to soak into your scrubs. âCheck on baby!âÂ
If Santos and Whitaker thought it was strange they said nothing, following you orders and relaying what they found.Â
âDoctor Robin- do we intubate?â
Another set of hands came up to help steady her and you could back away.Â
Even your shoes hadn't been spared the mercy of the vomit.Â
âNot yet, push keppra, four grams.â
Grabbing clothes cutters you quickly sliced at your scrub top, thankful you were wearing something long sleeved and covering more of you then a simple vest.Â
With the top in shreds you could finally breath but your stomach didn't get the memo.
âPulse Ox eighty-eight!â
Groaning, you pulled the tray out for intubation, handing it to Santos.Â
She glanced at you. âHey, you look a bit-â
â- don't say sick or I'll throw up on you,â you warned, following her around like she was your new human shield. You wondered if she'd be flattered or pissed if you admitted she was. âPush probofal.â
âPushing.â
Eventually the seizing stopped with everything you pushed to get her stable and you moved quick. It was like putting everything else on aeroplane mode, shutting off your own systems to get hers stable.
âIntubate, get an EEG to check her brain levels. She's paralysed now but her brain could still be seizing.â
You slipped in sick, grabbing yourself on the nearest doctor and thanking them. You stayed for the intubation only then knew you couldn't hack it anymore.Â
You fled the room, bumping into Samira on your way out.Â
Dana jolted up. âHey, what're you-â
â-get Robby in trauma one.â
You found the nearest bathroom, locked it and threw up everything. You hugged the toilet like it was your anchor, your body curling into the movements. Time escaped you, it could have been minutes it could have been hours but finally you fell back and flushed, wiping away everything.Â
You were young, you weren't as old as your husband. You'd had less experience in traumas all together, however you were a good doctor, capable enough to be a fellow attending.Â
Several substances had been chucked over you in your time. Blood, vomit, piss- some you didn't even know the name off.Â
Why had today been any different?
Clearing yourself up: re-tying your hair, washing out your mouth and applying Chapstick, cleaning your shoes and wiping tears from under your eyes, you blamed it on the bagels you'd had that morning.Â
It was the only logical explanation.
Leaving the bathroom you felt momentary guilt and fleeing but spotted Robby already taking your place in the trauma.Â
âHey, hun,â Dana was at your side quick, gentle and peering at you closely. âWhat was that about? You doin alright?â
âYeah,â you hummed.Â
âYou throw up? You sick?â
âNo, I-â you thought of every other time you'd lied to Dana and how it never went well. âYes but it's probably just food poisoning. Don't tell Robby.â
If Robby knew you were sick- after already having been worried this morning- you'd be driven home in twenty minutes flat.Â
âRobby always finds out,â said Dana.Â
You ignored her and pushed open the door to the lounge. She didn't follow and you were left with spare seconds to yourself.Â
Your hands shook slightly as you fetched a glass to fill with water. To cool yourself down you ran your hands under, splashing the back of your neck with some. You gargled water and spit it back, ready to drain the glass and wet your sudden parched mouth when Langdon appeared in the door.Â
âHey, I've got a head lac I need you to take a look at.â
Because you were an attending. Because of the kind of person you are you put down the glass and followed him.
âShe just ran out?â
There was the all too familiar buzz of the sanitiser dispenser as Robby helped himself to a generous blob before rubbing it into his hands. A beat behind, Denis did the same, following in his footsteps- literally.Â
âEr-yeah,â he said, working fast to absorb every bit of hand sanitiser. âShe ordered the EEG and bolted.â
Robby nodded, taking it all in clinically. âYou said she looked pale?â
âYeah but, she had just been thrown up on.âÂ
Being thrown up on wasn't a pleasant experience but he hadn't known you to run from bodily fluids.Â
âWhere is she now?â Robby asked, as if Denis was the soul person to look out for you. Well, Robby trusted Denis, a gift he didn't bestow on many so he did expect Denis to keep an eye on you at all times.Â
âShe went to the bathroom but I don't know now.â
Robby checked the bathrooms, finding you void of those spaces. He checked the lounge where nothing but a deserted glass of water sat.
He was almost panicking when he saw the back of you and Frank in a room.Â
He paused.Â
You were sat next to a young girl, holding her hand. Although he couldn't hear you he imagined the softness of your voice as it always became when dealing with a pedes case. You'd always joked that if the ED wasn't so in need of two attendings at a time you'd have left his ass for pedes upstairs at once.Â
Robby didn't think so. For one, you'd miss his face, for the second thing- you liked bouncing from one emergency to another, switching off and relying only on your skills.Â
You hadn't been bouncing around as quick as usual the last couple days. He realised it only in that moment.
Frank was standing with his arms folded over his chest, pitching in every now and then and also getting the girl to smile.Â
He didn't want to go in, break the concentration and trust you'd formed with the small child. He'd find you later.Â
Whatever was going on, the two of you clearly had it handled.Â
Your dreams came to you in fades.Â
There was first an annoyingly weird dream about a animal circus finding it's home in the Pitt. They said work followed you home, but it even followed you into dreams which seemed just un-fair. Then there was a stork on an elephants back. How would an elephant even get in to the place?
They turned to some much more enjoyable memories that had your body warming un-consciously.Â
Robby's weight pressed down into yours on the couch in your living room. You'd begged him to put everything on you, to not hold himself up and with-hold his moans.Â
And because you'd asked, he did.Â
Robby wasn't a light guy and you liked him like that. The weight of him crushing you, his spit swapped with yours, sweat of his body being shared and the fingerprints you could feel at your hips.Â
âOh fuck sweetheart, oh fuck!â he'd groaned out loud.Â
You felt parts of him deep in you you didn't know you could feel and still you wanted more. Your locked your ankles around his backside, keeping him into you in short and sweet thrusts.Â
âOh, you like that? Jesus Christ,â he grunted into your neck, unable to hold himself up even if he wanted to. âSo greedy. Fuckin' so greedy!â
âPlease, Robby, please!â
Steady hands were sudden at your shoulders and a body pressed up to yours, decidedly unlike how one did in the dream.Â
âGo home,â said Robby.Â
You picked yourself up from where you'd dozed off, your head in your arms folded over on the counter. In front of you, the computer was blank. âHm?â
Robby's eyes bored into yours. âGo home, you're sick.â
âIt's only twelve. I'm not sick- I'm fine,â you said, waving off his hand as it came up to test your temperature in the very medical practise of hand on forehead.Â
Robby shook his head. âYou were dozing this morning, you're asleep now, you threw up-â
âDana, I told her not to say anything!â You cursed under your breath.Â
âNot Dana, Whitaker,â said Robby, looking at you with brows draw in, somewhere between anger (or as angry as he could get at you) and concern. âDid you tell Dana not to tell me?â
âBecause you worry.â You used your secret trick of overwhelming affection to try to starve off Robby. Your hands were clammy as they held his cheeks, fingertips grazing over his beard just how he liked. He was kneeling at your side, melting into your touch. âI'm fine.â
For extra measures you pressed a kiss to his forehead and walked away.Â
There was a split second of head spinning blur. The sort that had you reaching out to balance yourself. It lasted maybe two seconds but enough to worry you.Â
If you hadn't taken such care in tending to Robby's own distraction he'd have clocked it and dragged you home himself.Â
You maybe weren't so fine. It wasn't every day you felt as tired as you did now, and however good the night before had been Robby had given you more. Plenty. You'd surpassed twenty-fours working in the ED with no sleep so nothing could phase you.Â
But being phased you were.Â
The lack of sleep.... the throwing up... maybe you were coming down with something.Â
You'd thrown up last week too, so it couldn't be food poisoning like you were trying to convince yourself it was.Â
Robby hurried after you, the jingle of his keys and ID card and such jangling. âI'm keeping my eyes on you.â
âSexy.â
In trauma one the two of you worked together with a score of doctors and nurses. Mrs Albany- the pregnant lady with clampsia- demanded attention. Perhaps it was a waste of two attendings working on the same patient.Â
The emergency c-section you had to perform made the one patient two and as Robby worked to keep the mother alive you worked on the child, stimulating the baby boy till he breathed, wiping off the fluids and bloods and sighing when he cried out.Â
Under the gown and mask you could see Robby's own dimples at you as you both saved lives.Â
But the tang of iron from the uterus and child filled your nostrils and upset you close enough to tears. You were glad Esme had cleaned up the sick from early and equally as glad you had the chance to throw up your breakfast so you couldn't do it again.Â
âHoly shit!â Santos celebrated, yanking off her gown and gloves next to you as you did the same, âThat was crazy!â
The baby was pushed by you, heading up to the NICU, the mother following, a pulse low but steady, heading up to the OR.
You ducked away from Robby as he followed the pair out. You took Santos with you, a pushing hand on her back. âYeah, it was- listen I've got a patient that needs blood results quick, you think if I get it you can rush it up to labs, on an ASAP basis.â
Santos frowned. You knew what she was thinking before she even had to say it. It was a boring job, her skills were better off etc.Â
âPlease?â you asked.Â
It took a roll of her eyes but she agreed to.Â
Five minutes later you had a vial of your own blood handed to her.Â
An hour later Santos found you, Ipad in hand.Â
âHey, got the results for your patient,â she said. âWhere are they? What room? I couldn't see them on the board?â
Dana would have had something to say about taking your own blood and getting it to labs without telling anyone. Robby too. As attending you should have been chastising yourself but there was no time for that. No need, either.Â
Doctors made the worst sort of patients, especially when they felt they didn't need to be one.Â
âEr, she left, discharged herself,â you lied quickly, trying to get a gage on the results that were cradled in your arm.
âBummer. I wanted to give her good news. Or bad.â
âWhat?â
âShe's pregnant.â
You stopped in you tracks.Â
It took Trinity at least four more paces before she realised you had.Â
The blood works showed just that. High HCG levels, you red blood cell count was high. Along with the nausea, vomiting, dizzy spells it made sense.Â
You were pregnant.Â
Inside the stomach that had been churning all day sat a life fully depending on you to take care of it. Suddenly none of your med school training mattered. Nothing you'd ever down before mattered. Looking after patients was one thing. You didn't have to go home with them, check they drank enough or ate enough, didn't have to check in with their boss they were taking it easy.Â
You struggled to look after yourself.Â
Throw a baby in the mix and you were doomed.Â
Chuck in Robby and you were-
Robby.Â
Jesus Fuck. You'd never spoken about kids. You'd only been married a year and were still in what some considered the 'honeymoon' phase.
âEverything okay?â asked Santos. âDid I miss something in the results?â
You cleared your throat. âNo. No, that all... looks good. I'm just gonna take a small break. Quick one. Thanks.âÂ
âHey, Robby!â Denis called as he walked out from the ambulance bay. âCongratulations!âÂ
âThanks, Whitaker.â
It took Robby seconds to pause and think. What was he being congratulated for? The fact he went outside for some air? It wasn't impressive. Was it the quick life saving procedures they'd made on mother and son that sent them both upstairs alive? That was over an hour ago and Denis had been in the room.Â
Robby back tracked to Whitaker. âWhat am I being congratulated on, exactly?â he asked.Â
Whitaker looked at him like he was crazy. âThe good news.â
Good news? The last good news he had was marrying you a year ago, and Whitaker had been at the damn wedding crying more than his own grandmother.Â
Robby shook his head.Â
âThe good news, you'll be a great dad.â
Robby chocked on his breath, leaning on the counter. âWh-what?â he chuckled in a breath.Â
âYou're pregnant? I mean, not you, obviously, I-I know how it works. But you're having a baby, that's-that's what they say and I just wanted to say well done. Or not well done! No, that came out wrong, jus-â
Robby had let him stumble on his words as he tried to figure out what he was saying. The baby? What baby? âDenis, what are you talking about?â
He looked around quickly for you but couldn't see you.Â
âOh my god, you didn't know, you didn't know did you?â Whitaker's face paled, his entire body sinking. âSantos told me, she told me not to tell anyone but I-I figured I could tell you! I guessed- oh god, did I just tell you your wife is pregnant?â
His wife...
Pregnant...
And Robby was finding out from Huckleberry!
Robby took a step around the counter and Denis stumbled back into his chair. âAre you telling me she's...â
Whitaker nodded when the words failed him.Â
Robby thought back to the sickness you thought he'd missed last week, the way you fell asleep at the computer earlier and the general exhaustion. He tried to think back to what night could have been 'the one' but somewhere along the line you'd both stopped being careful. Condoms were abandoned in draws and your pack of contraceptive pills were still full.
âDoctor- Doctor Robby? Do you need to sit down?â Denis asked.Â
Robby waved him off and gave himself one minute to compose himself. He knew panic, it was an old friend he'd lost contact with over the years, yet it returned to him then.Â
âWhere is she now?â he asked.Â
âOh, I don't- I don't-â
âHuckleberry!â he tried not to expose his fondness of the nickname Santos had given him but it slipped out in the most desperate of times.Â
Denis gulped, knowing this. âExam room three.â
Robby nodded and made a be-line, Casey was asking him a question as he passed but he held up a hand, ignoring her.Â
Santos stepped out the room, closing the door and stopping when Robby almost collided with her. âYou can't go in there.â
Robby inhaled a deep breath. It was one thing having Whitaker be the one to tell him you were pregnant. It was another to have Santos blocking him from seeing you. âDoctor Santos if you don't let me through you will miss every trauma that comes through those doors.â
Luckily, he knew how to work Santos.Â
Her arms budged over her chest. âFor how long?â
Whatever you had promised her to keep him out must have been just as grand a prize. âTill I see fit now let me in.â
It was like a western stand off for longer than Robby would have liked. Every second he spent out of your room was longer you were spending alone.Â
Eventually, Trinity sighed and gave up. âOkay, fine, whatever, but she promised me first dibs at a REBOA for doing this. I expect that to still stand.â
Robby pushed through the room and snapped back the curtains finding you at the edge of a bed, the wand of an ultrasound hidden under your top and the grey scale picture of a baby on the monitor.Â
To your credit you didn't flinch or move as he stood there.
âLets be real this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.â
In five minutes Robby had wiped down your stomach of the gel, had helped pull your top down and sat with you on the edge of the patient bed, the curtain back to being pulled over and hiding the two of you from traumas and agitated patients and doctors alike.Â
âHow long have you known?â asked Robby.Â
There was no anger, no mean undertones. It was frightening rather blank, the way he spoke. You'd always prided yourself on knowing how to tell when he was in a good mood or bad from the smallest of tics he had.Â
He'd trained them out of himself apparently.Â
Yet- he'd given you his hand and you'd pulled it into your lap, holding it and trailing your own fingers over his.Â
âThe time's now-â you peeked over him at the clock over the door. â- about an hour and thirteen minutes.â
He shook his head, scoffing out a smile that pronounced his wrinkles. âWhy didn't you come to me?â
You sighed, shrugging your shoulders. âI thought I was just sick, you know? So I thought I'd get some bloods and see.â
âDid you do the bloods yourself?â
You looked at him and that was telling enough. With the hand that wasn't with yours he rubbed at his temple in aggravation. So far there'd been little to no talk about the baby growing in your stomach but more concern about how you'd gone to finding out.Â
âYou should've got me,â he said.Â
âWell if I thought I was pregnant I probably would have.â You tried to joke but it fell flat.Â
âProbably?â he repeated quietly.Â
Silence went by with only the ticking of the clock as company.Â
You held onto his hand, readying yourself for the question yet to be asked. âAre you mad at me?â
Robby shook his head but didn't look at you.
âAnnnnd are you mad at...â you couldn't say baby yet. Didn't know if giving the clump of cells in your stomach a name would scare him off.Â
With the hand in your lap his fingers entwined with yours and clutched tight.Â
âI know we never talked about kids and this wasn't planned in the slightest,â you said even if you knew Robby had stopped pulling out months ago, favouring the way you felt when your walls swallowed him up. âYou can be angry.â
âYou keep asking if I'm angry, do you want me to be?â he asked, finally a touch of emotion in his voice as it rose an octave. âAre you mad?â
That was the question. It wasn't planned, but it wasn't unwanted. You couldn't say that seeing the way mothers caressed their stomachs when they came in with spotting or concerns didn't have you thinking of your own child one day. That talking to that little girl with the head lac earlier with Frank didn't cause a pang of longing in your heart.Â
You'd never tried to pretend you didn't want everything with Robby. Even if you've never discussed what everything was to each other.Â
âWhen I was in med school I thought I'd have it all worked out long before now,â said Robby. âMarriage and kids. Maybe on my second marriage by now.â
You dug your elbow into his ribs, rewarded with a quick, breathless laugh.Â
His eyes creased as his face scrunched up. âDidn't work out. Guess I... gave up thinking it could.â
âThen you met me, right?â
Robby looked at you. His eyes were like glass as he looked you over, his lips titled, cheeks red under his beard. He looked- if you didn't mind saying so- like a man mesmerised. He nodded.Â
âI thought you didn't want kids,â you said.Â
âDo you?â he asked, eyes boring into yours.Â
âDo you?â you threw back to him.Â
He squeezed your hand and gave you a look.Â
âI think I do,â you admitted, quietly, as if you could take it back if it displeased him. âI don't know if I'll be good at it. I hardly have time to look after myself, let alone a baby. And I don't want to be one of those people that gives up work for kids cause I love my job but... I think I could love a kid, too.â
Robby nodded along with what you were saying, a smile brightening everything you thought looked dark in him.
âDo you want kids?â you asked.Â
âOh, kids?â he teased. âYou're so sure its twins already?â
You rolled your eyes as he nudged his shoulder with yours, rocking the both of your bodies.Â
âI want everything with you, I said so much in my vows, didn't I? You thought I was lying, Doctor Robin?â
You couldn't help but smile at the nickname he gave you and was proud to call you. After all, calling out for two Robinavitch's in an emergency proved difficult quickly. âI don't believe your vows included, I want to fuck you so hard and deep you get pregnant within the first year of marriage.' â
âDirty mouth, cussing like that,â said Robby, his eyes drifting down your lips as he bit down on his own. âHave to sort that out before the baby gets here.â
âLucky we have eight months to train it out of me.â
Robby's nose had just brushed yours before he was pulling back, studying you again. His gaze drifted to your stomach, wondering if the manifestation of your nights had started to show. âYou're a month along, already?â
You clocked your head side to side. âGive or take a week or two.â
âEight months it is.â
Robby kissed you, licking into your mouth and breathing you in with deep breaths. His large hands held your cheeks and kept you in, all but drowning you in lips and touch and love. He tilted his head aside, kissing you deeper.Â
At once the doors banged open and arguing voices drifted in.Â
Robby pulled back with his head lowered in disappointment while you licked the taste of him off your lips. âI swear to god, these kids-â he grumbled as Denis and Trinity stumbled in.Â
âSeems like you got the dad thing down already,â you said, hand rubbing up and down in his back.Â
The intruders had a hoard of things in arms. Denis was carrying a large bear in hand that almost drowned him as he struggled to hold him. The bear was holding a blue heart sewen into its paws while Trinity was struggling in pulling the pink balloons in.Â
It seemed they'd already made bets on what baby they wanted you to have.
âWe er, wanted to get you these,â said Denis. âSorry for ruining the surprise.â
âI'm not sorry, I didn't do anything,â said Santos with a scoff.Â
âYou told me,â pointed out Whitaker.Â
âYeah and I told you not to tell anyone, fuckleberry then you tell the dad!â
âI thought he knew!â
âI told you in confidence!â
âYou were laughing while you were telling me! That wasn't every confident!â
âOh my god, it's a figure of speech!â
You laughed at the two of them, hiding your face in Robby's scrubs as he leant his head back toward you.Â
âYou think they'd notice if we started trying for baby number two now?â
beaker down â ryland grace x reader ; established relationship and suggestive in the end (1.2k words)
you accidentally break a beaker while helping ryland out with an experiment. youâre worried about the beaker, heâs worried about you
You love the times when Ryland lets you help with his experiments.
He labels it quality time with you, introducing you into the world that he loves when itâs lower risk and has low probabilities of you getting accidentally hurt. You love it too, because your world has always been tangled in things opposite to science.
âSweetheart, could you grab the beaker for me? The⊠uhâŠâ Ryland asks, motioning vaguely that it was somewhere in the kitchen, all without looking up from his work. âYou know which one.â
You perk up immediately at his instructions, already racing to grab whatever he needs.
Heâs particularly cute like this.
Completely absorbed in what heâs doing with his eyes fixed on a few liquids you canât name, and his eyebrows furrowed exactly how they do when heâs concentrated. Itâs also, admittedly, incredibly hot.
Itâs easy to spot the beaker, sitting unassumingly on the kitchen counter along with other things Ryland had brought home. Itâs one of the things he always tasks you to do, so youâve started to memorize what each item was called.
You still remember how proud Ryland had looked the first time heâd asked you to get something, and you didnât have to ask him for his help.
(Heâd rewarded you rather enthusiastically later that night.)
So, spotting the beaker was no problem to you at all. In fact, youâd felt proud as youâd recognized it immediately among the other glassware.
You hear it before youâre able to process what has happened. The sound of glass shattering, and you stare with wide eyes at your now empty hands, and the shards of glass by your feet.
The tears start almost immediately. âOh. Oh no, no no no.â
It has Rylandâs attention in seconds too, because heâs immediately beside you, assessing the situation.
Heâs so occupied in making sure it hasn't snagged at the skin of your legs that he doesnât notice right away that youâre crying until he spots in his periphery the way you bring both sleeves of your sweater to your eyes and the quiet sniffles.
âHey, hey, are you crying?â
âOh, Ryland. Iâm so sorry.â
âNo, honey, itâs okay.â Heâs gently pulling your hands away from your face, rolling up your sleeves to carefully inspect your bare hands. âDid you get hurt? Are you alright? Did any of it get to you? Hands? Legs?â
You can hardly see from the blur of the tears, but youâre quick to shake your head at the question. ââM okay. But, but your beaker.â
Youâre sputtering over your words, guilt itching at the back of your throat because you know his things can be expensive.
You know how much he takes care of them, how much these things matter to him.
âHey, itâs okay. There are many more beakers out there. Come on, Iâll clean it up. Just have to come with me so you donât accidentally hurt yourself.â
Heâs so gentle with you, so delicate as he leads you backwards and away from the mess youâd made. âOnly one of you, you know?â
âIâll pay for it. Iâll⊠Iâll buy a new one.â
âAbsolutely not. You donât have to.â
He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head at your persistence as he keeps a hand on the small of your back and another on yours to carefully steer you backwards one slow step at a time, until you finally reach the couch.
âAll safe now, hm?â Ryland asks, and youâre still so embarrassed. âI promise itâs okay. I donât want you to think about it anymore.â
âButâŠâ
âPlease?â
You nod meekly, staring down at your hands while Ryland moves to clean the pieces of glass on your floor, taking extra care to sweep and vacuum until heâs sure you wouldnât hurt yourself if you stepped over.
And then, heâs immediately glued back to you, crouching just in front of you to do one last round of checking. âHumor me one moment?â
âHm?â
âFeet, please.â Before you can understand the connotation of a single-worded âfeetâ, heâs already taking it gently in his hands and twisting it around to ensure you didnât hurt yourself.
His experiment is forgotten.
Heâs ignored it in favor of sitting next to you and pulling you in his arms, hands stroking over your back and trying his best to soothe the guilt out of you. He knows youâve always been extra sensitive about breaking things. The scolding youâd received as a child in consequence.
âFeeling better, honey?â
âMhm⊠probably shouldnât help you anymore though.â
âHey, no. I love when you help me out.â He pulls back slowly, so as to not startle you. And when he does, his palms find home on your cheeks so he can look at you. And so you can look at him, too.
At his sincerity.
âEven if Iâm no good at it?â
âYou kidding? Youâre my favorite lab assistant.â He leans down to press a short kiss on your lips. âYouâre so good at it. No oneâs more qualified.â
âIâm your only lab assistant.â You sniffle.
âCanât hear you.â
Another kiss is planted on your lips, then your cheeks and your wet eyes and your chin until you start to smile at him, and you can see how it relieves Ryland physically to see you smiling again.
He watches you for another few seconds, watches the smile stay on your face as he keeps kissing you, and how the storm slowly starts to pass.
âOkay. I have a new experiment.â
You blink up at him. âNew experiment already?â
âMhm, but I need you to hear my hypothesis out and see if you agree, okay?â
You nod slowly.
âOkay, hypothesis. Girlfriend who is carried to bed and receives a multitude of kisses will stop blaming herself for dropping a very replaceable beaker.â
A small and unexpected laugh escapes you, and despite yourself, you shove Ryland playfully by his shoulder. âThatâs not a real experiment.â
Ryland grins at the results, leaning in again after youâd managed to push him away for a split second. âBut it is. And Iâm ready to begin the first trial.â
Before you can say anything else, your boyfriend is already picking you up on the couch to lead you to your bedroom. And heâs planting kisses on you again, landing on your cheeks, and the corner of your mouth, andâŠ
âRylandâŠâ
âOne moment. Heâs in the middle of a very important experiment.â
You laugh again, succumbing to his attention, and his attention to detail, kissing every part of you he can, every single inch he can reach.
âIs it working?â He whispers against your ear after placing a kiss behind it, trailing a few more down your neck.
âMhm, working very well.â You giggle, and you can feel his smile grow against the skin of your neck at your response.
And you canât see it, but you know itâs fond.
âGood.â He presses a final kiss beneath your jaw before heâs looking at you again. âMight have to repeat the experiment again tomorrow, though. Just to ensure my preliminary findings are correct.â
âFor accuracy?â
âExactly. So, so smart, baby.â Heâs praising you, he loves praising you. And then, his eyes are suddenly on you with eyes glowing in something a little more suggestive.
âMight have to update my hypothesis, also. The clothing variable is interfering a bit with the data. Iâd have a much better experimental condition without it.â
âRyland!â
He takes such care of you for the rest of the night that you forget about the beaker in the first place.
A successful new experiment from Ryland Grace.
đ€đđȘđŻđšđș
summary: you love being around eddie 24/7 but things start to stop being like that once eddieâs friends started being annoyed because of it
warnings: light swearing, hellfire being assholes, if thereâs anything else please tell me !!
pairing: eddie munson x reader
QUICK A/N: IDK HOW D&D WORKS SO IF I SAID SOMETHING WRONG I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE !!!
àłàŒ*à©â©
you and eddie loved each other with your entire souls, you loved being around each other all the time.
you, personally, loved that you were always around him. but it never occurred to you that eddie might think otherwise.
you were sat on eddieâs lap, wearing his hellfire shirt as him and the rest of hellfire played their d&d game. you were never fond of the game or really knew how to play it.
but eddie was your boyfriend and you loved being around him, so if he was around, you were around.
eddie hit once again, he cheered as he wrapped his hands around your waist and gave you a kiss
eddie needed to go to the bathroom, so he got up and told you stay in his seat while he went. once he disappeared, the entire club glared at you.
if looks could kill, youâd be long dead by now.
your smile faded as you noticed
âwhy is she even here again?â mike asked
âmikeâ dustin warned
âno, heâs right. i wouldnât want my girlfriend to be around all the fucking time. itâs really annoying. i wouldâve broken up by nowâ gareth said
âyou really think so?â your voice squeaked out, feeling intimated by the amount of guys talking about you, not to mention it wasnât exactly a good conversation to hear
dustin repeatedly shook his head, âwhat? of course not! eddie loves you! right guys?â dustin said but everyone was quiet, âright guys?â his voice was louder now
ârightârightâ mike said, âiâm just sayingâŠi love my girlfriend too but itâs still annoyingââ
âmikeââ
ânâno, heâs rightâ you cut dustin off, dustinâs eyes widened, âiâm sorryâŠi didnât mean to burden you guysâiâll leaveâ you said, getting up
the club all began to protest, knowing eddie would kill them if he found out
you ignored their protests and left.
for the next couple of days, you havenât talked to eddie. sometimes, heâd walk by you and give you a kiss, but youâd always just make up an excuse to leave
truth is, you were scared he was gonna leave you just like gareth said, so you chose to stay away, so he can finally be free without you.
even at lunch, you stopped showing up and just hid in the woods nearby. today, you grabbed your food and left the school
âheyâ eddie said from behind, you paused in your place for a second before walking at a faster pace, âhey!â
you tried to quickly get to the woods, once you did, you thought he was gone until you felt a hand grip your wrist, not too tight, but enough to make you stay.
âokay whatâs going onâ he said
âwhat?â you turned to him
âwhat? thatâs all you have to say? what? you know what.â he said, his tone sounding frustrated
âi donâtââ
âdid i do something?â he asked, âbecause if i did just tell me and iâll make it up to you, i promiseâ
âeddie noâ you shook your head
âthen what is itâ he said
âwhat is whatââ
âfor fucks sake!â he yelled, âyouâve been ignoring me for the past week, pleaseâtell me what i didââ
âeddieâ you cut in, âyou didnât do anythingâ you reassured, âi justâremember that day, during the gameâ
âthe one where you left suddenly?â he said
âyâyeahâŠâ you stuttered, feeling guilty, âwhen you went to the bathroomâi just, some of the boys got into my headâ you muttered
his expression softened, âabout what?â
âabout youâ you sighed, âthey said it was annoying that i was there all the timeâand if i was their girlfriend theyâd leave meâand i realized just how right they wereâŠiâm sorry iâm so clingyâ
âbaby what?â he said, holding your hand, âyou could never be clingy!â he reassured, âthese past few days were hell, i needed you. i needed you all the time, i needed you there with me all day. i needed to smell you, to kiss you, to hold you, to touch youâto justâyou. i needed youâ
âreally?â you asked
âof course!â he said, ânow cmâereâ he pulled you closer to him and hugged your tightly while repeatedly kissing you on your forehead
âeddieâ you giggled
âwhat! i need to make-up for everytime i wasnât able to do that!â he said, making you giggle even more
eddie loved you, and he loved having you by his side all the time. as for hellfire, god knows if you didnât stop him, he wouldnât have shown those little shits mercy.
crush (peter parker)
summary: peter has been visiting you as spider-man long enough to develop a crush on you. the problem? you have a crush on somebody else.
notes: u guysâŠi love peter parker so much okay!!! also this is a short fic bc i have a longer one in the works. yes i realize this is 4k words but like, thatâs short for me ok bye happy reading!Â
warnings: typos, probably.
Peter Parker sat on the ledge of your fire escape, careful to avoid the patches of snow from the previous day. It had been a long night of patrolling and his lower back ached to no end. The familiar space spread warmth to Peterâs chest as he attempted to collect his breath, the inside of his suit scratching against his skin.Â
It had been dark out for a few hours. Peter knew that May would be going to sleep in an hour, leaving the perfect opportunity for him to slip back into his bedroom undetected. He had lied to her earlier, saying that heâd be studying with a group of friends he had made at university earlier that semester. But he had other places he needed to be.Â
He would be lying if he said his only reason for patrolling was to keep his city out of danger. While that was a big motivation for him to put his suit on, the other reason was because he wanted to see you.
Keep reading
attention
summary: you and peter have already admitted your feelings for each other, but arenât in a committed relationship yet so when you see another girl getting close with him, you canât help but be a bit jealous and insecure.
ship: tasm!peter parker x reader
word count: 2.7k
a/n: right well. iâve been away for six months but iâm back now :) send requests plss. not my pick up line, i got it off google. i can do better.
masterlist
âHey girl, are you my appendix? Because I donât know how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me wanna take you out,â Someone appeared behind you with a smirk, laughing at his dumb pick-up line that he said in a weird accent.
âGood morning to you too, Parker,â You smile at the boy as he started to walk alongside you, just as he did every morning on the way to school.
Yet, instead of greeting you with a âgood morningâ as any other normal person would do, he said another pick-up line, murmuring it in your ear just to annoy you, âHow about we play the titanic? You can be the iceberg and I can go down.â
Keep reading
missed calls
request:Â Hey! I love your tasm!peter Parker x reader âattentionâ! I was wondering if I could request something of the same bases just a bit more angsty with like a big fight where Peter says something he doesnât mean? If you canât thatâs ok! Thank you
ship: tasm!peter parker x reader
warnings: swearing, fighting, mentions of cheating, mention of uncle benâs death
word count: 3.3k
a/n: i had absolutely no idea how to end this so sorry if the ending seems iffy lovelies :) requests are open!!
PART TWO
âPeter, hurry up and pick up,â You murmured to yourself, eyes casting over the crowd of people scurrying around and laughing with their friends.
The bright lights from the carnival shined down on you as you stood there awkwardly, trying to get a hold of Peter on the phone. You guys had been planning this date for a while, and it wasnât like him to just blow you off. He was always so excited to be with you, no matter where you guys were or what you were doing.
People laughed around you, and you were becoming very conscious that they were judging you for being alone. What if they thought you didnât have any friends? What if they thought no one wanted to hang out with you?
Peterâs voicemail rung through your ears one more time, causing you to suck in a breath again, taking the phone away from your ear.
âCome on Peter,â You whispered to yourself as you started to search up to see if there had been any witnessed Spiderman fights. Peter wouldnât just stand you up on purpose, but it wouldnât be the first time heâd just have to intervene if he saw some bad business going down.
Nothing.
Keep reading
my girl
Steve harrington x fem!reader, 1.8k words, Steve is an adorable loser for his gf <3
summary: Everyone loves Steve's girlfriend, but he just wants a little bit of your attention for himself. Is that so bad?
It starts, as many things do, with Dustin Henderson.
Youâre curled on the corner of Steveâs couch, your legs tucked under his thigh while he flicks through TV channels. The doorbell rings, and before Steve can even mutter âIâm not home,â the door swings open.
âHey, is sheâ oh, there you are!â Dustin beams, dropping his backpack with a thud. "Hi!"
"Hi," you say back, grinning up at him, happy to see him.
He mirrors your smile. âOkay, so I need a second opinion on the naming convention for my new campaign NPC. âZargoth the Destroyerâ or âLord Malador of the Shadowed Valeâ?"
"Hmmm, I like Zargoth better. It's more intimidating. Plus, short and sweet, you know what I mean?"
Steve stares, remote dangling from his fingers. âHenderson. My house. A âhelloâ would be nice. An appointment would be better.â
Dustin waves a dismissive hand. âHi, Steve. This is important.â He plops down on the floor in front of you, effectively blocking Steve from your line of sight.
It doesnât stop there.
Two days later, youâre helping Steve sort a mountain of mismatched socks that have just come out of the laundry. Weirdly, it's somewhat of a bonding experience, doing laundry together.
Robin lets herself in, her eyes landing on you like a spotlight.
"Oh, thank God you're here," she breathes.
"Where else would I be?" you joke.
She plops down on the bed, messing up Steve's organised sock piles. He sighs.
âMy date with Vickie. At Enzoâs. Itâs tomorrow. Itâs a real, sit-down, checkered-tablecloth kinda date."
You put down the polka dot socks you were holding to beam at her. "That's amazing, Robin! I know how much you were looking forward to that."
"It is amazing! But it's also a crisis!" She grabs your shoulders, her eyes wide. âWhat do I wear? Do I go cute? Do I go cool? Do I try for both and risk looking like Iâm trying too hard? And my hairâ can you braid it?"
Steve holds up two socks that are clearly not a matchâone black, one navy. "Hello? We're doing laundry. We were in the zone."
Robin spares him a haphazard glance. "This is important, Dingus." She turns back to you. "Please, I need you. I'm vibrating."
You can't help but laugh. "Okay, okay. I like your outfit now. It's chic, but doesn't look like you're trying too hard. And I can totally braid your hair, but I think it might look better down? Light makeup I can help you with, maybe a little eyeliner on your waterline. I have one I think'd suit you, it's in the bathroom."
Robin tugs on your hand, pulling you up to stand. "You're a genius."
Steve watches, helpless, as you're swept upstairs in a whirlwind of pre-date panic, then back down at his socks. "They're both dark," he mumbles to himself.
The true test of his patience comes during a Friday night movie marathon in the Wheelerâs basement. Youâre on the floor, leaned back comfortably between Steveâs knees, his fingers in your hair, scratching absently at your scalp. Itâs perfect. Itâs your spot.
The movie plays, and Steve is content, his world pleasantly narrowed to the familiar weight of you against him and the scent of your shampoo.
Then, Lucas slides over from his spot next to Mike. He looks desperate. "Hey," he whispers, his voice strained. "I need help. It's an emergency."
You tilt your head back to look up at Steve with an apologetic smile before turning your full attention to Lucas. "What's wrong?"
"I pointed out a zit on Max's face," he confesses in a horrified rush. "I wasn't trying to be mean! I just noticed it! I said, 'Is that a new zit?' and she... she hasn't spoken to me in two hours. She's just been giving me this death glare. What do I do? Do I apologise? Do I ignore it? Do I buy her nail polish? Is nail polish even an apology gift?"
You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing, but your eyes are sympathetic. "Oh, Lucas. Okay. First, do not buy her nail polish. That implies you're paying way too much attention to her appearance, which is the problem. Buy her new skateboard bearings, she mentioned she needed some. And definitely apologize. Say, 'I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.' Keep it simple."
Lucas nods frantically, absorbing the instructions like they're a military briefing. "Got it. Thanks." He scuttles back to his spot, already planning his approach.
Steveâs hand has stilled in your hair. You feel him take a slow, deep breath behind you.
Before you can settle back against him, you catch Maxâs eye from across the room. She gestures subtly with her head towards Lucas and rolls her eyes, but you see the hurt in them.
You give her a small smile in acknowledgement. Mouth, 'he's sorry. He'll make it up to you.'
Then, Dustinâs head appears, blocking the TV. âOkay, one more question about the D&D character convention. If aââ
But Steve has had enough.
He leans down, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. His voice is a low, soft murmur, tinged with a vulnerability that makes your heart clutch. âHey, angel... can we get out of here?â
You twist to look up at him. In the flickering blue light of the TV, his expression isnât annoyed. Itâs wistful. A little tired.
âYeah,â you whisper back instantly, without hesitation. âOf course.â
You gently extract yourself from his hold and stand up, reaching for your jacket. "We're gonna head out," you announce.
A chorus of groans erupts.
âWhat? Now?â Dustin whines.
"Yeah, I had a question to ask you!" Mike exclaims. "It's, like, life or death. I think the Chief's gonna kill me if I go see El againâ"
âYou canât leave, I havenât executed the apology protocol yet!â Lucas whisper-yells, panicked.
Steve opens his mouth, a familiar, defensive retort about how youâre not a UN negotiator clearly forming. But you step in before he can.
You smile, soft but firm, and slip your hand into Steveâs. âYou guysâll be fine,â you say, your tone gentle but leaving no room for debate. You turn your smile up to Steve, eyes warm. You give his hand a little squeeze. âI want some alone time with my boyfriend.â
The groans taper into scattered laughs. Max sends you a not very discreet thumbs up.
Steve looks down at you, warmth pooling in his chest. He gives you this look of such pure, dazed adoration it makes your heart skip. He doesnât say a word. He just lifts your joined hands and presses a firm, grateful kiss to your knuckles, his eyes never leaving yours.
âYou heard the lady,â he says to the room, his voice light and full of happy energy. âWeâre off-duty. Emergencies will have to wait.â
He leads you up the basement stairs, the sounds of the movie and the kidsâ renewed bickering fading behind you.
The second the Wheelerâs front door clicks shut, sealing you both in the cool, quiet dark of the porch, Steve stops. He turns, and in the soft glow of the porch light, his expression is completely unguardedâall soft eyes and a tender, wobbly smile.
âCâmere, sweetheart,â he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. He wraps his arms around you and sways gently on the spot, his cheek resting against your hair.
âMy sweet, perfect girl,â he coos, the words a warm rumble against your temple. "You were so patient with them, solving everyoneâs problems.â
He pulls back just far enough to cradle your face in his hands. His thumbs stroke over your cheekbones with a reverence that makes you feel dizzy.
Heâs beaming at you, his eyes shining with so much affection itâs almost overwhelming. He leans in and peppers a flurry of soft, quick kisses all over your faceâyour forehead, your nose, each eyelid, your cheeksâmurmuring between each one.
"My smart girl... giving everyone life advice... always being so kind and helpful and perfect..."
He finally lands on your lips, kissing you slow and deep, a kiss that tastes like gratitude and awe. When he breaks away, heâs breathless, his forehead resting against yours.
âIâm gonna melt into a puddle right here on Mrs. Wheelerâs porch,â he whispers, his voice hoarse with feeling. "The way you handle them all, and then you just⊠you turn those big, beautiful eyes on me and say that? In front of everyone?â He lets out a shaky laugh, his nose nuzzling against yours. âIâm done for. Completely done for.â
He hugs you again, squeezing you tight and lifting you just an inch off the ground. âCâmon, my love,â he says, "let's go to my place. I just want to look at you for a while. Is that okay? I just wanna hold my girl and look at her.â
You laugh, the sound full of softness and affection for your sweet, adorable boyfriend. "It's more than okay. Take me home, please, baby. I'm all yours."
A soft, almost wounded sound escapes him and he hugs you impossibly tighter for a second, his face buried in your neck. "Oh, my heart. You're gonna kill me. You're so perfect."
Steve finally lets you go, but only to take your hand, lacing your fingers together in a grip that feels reverent. He leads you to the car, opening the passenger door for you with a soft, "In you go, gorgeous."
The drive to his house is quiet, but the silence is thick with a new, syrupy sweetness. He keeps your hand in his lap, his thumb stroking incessantly over your knuckles when he's not changing gears.
"Just look at you," he murmurs at one red light, his free hand reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "You're so beautiful. I can't believe you're mine."
"I am," you remind him softly, leaning into his touch.
"I know," he breathes, like it's the greatest mystery and miracle of his life at the same time, somehow. "I know, baby. And I'm never letting go."
Once home, he doesn't even turn on the main lights. He guides you to the living room couch by the faint glow from the kitchen. He sits down and pulls you into his lap, arranging you so you're sideways, your legs draped over his, your head tucked perfectly under his chin. He wraps both arms around you, letting out a long, contented sigh.
"Here we go," he whispers, his lips against your hair. "Right where I wanted you all night. Just my girl and me."
You hum, a soft, contented sound as you melt into his warmth, all the busy energy of the night finally draining away.
Steve presses a kiss to the crown of your head. "You must be so tired, sweet thing," he murmurs, his voice a low, soothing rumble in his chest. "Taking care of everyone all the time." His hand rubs slow, comforting circles on your back. "My sweet, exhausted angel."
He leans down, his lips brushing your ear. "But you know what?"
"Hmm?"
He tightens his arms around you. "It's okay," he murmurs. "You can help whoever you want, baby. 'Cos when you're done taking care of everyone else..." He presses a fond kiss into your hair. "I'll be right here taking care of you."
State Of Grace
Pairing: Ryland Grace x fem!engineer!reader
Summary: On the way to Erid, Rocky convinces Ryland to confess his feelings to you.
Word Count: 4.1k
A/N: This is my love letter to a beautiful and visually stunning movie. I canât stress enough that science is not my forte at all, though, so please forgive any inaccuraciesđ§ââïž
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You had never meant to become one of the most important people in the world. Then again, you had also never imagined that you would be coerced into going on a suicide mission before. But it was the most important cause you could possibly devote your life to as the tertiary engineer on the Hail Mary, brought onboard at the last minute. Along with Dr. Ryland Grace, you were supposed to save humanity from the threat of Astrophage causing the sun to dim.
Back on Earth, a million lifetimes ago, you had been his assistant. The only one he trusted to be in the room with him as he made one of the most important discoveries on the planet. In a matter of weeks, Ryland had taught you all he knew about the alien life form. With your varied credentials, the two of you had been among the few most qualified people in the world to go on this mission. And now here you were.
Outside the safe confines of the Hail Mary was the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space. Even though you had gotten used to it over time, nothing could deter you from considering it even more beautiful up close. Just as you thought Ryland was beautiful, too.
Throughout your journey, you had found almost every waking moment of your existence occupied with thoughts of him. Ever since the two of you had woken up from your comas and heâd found out that you were still alive too, Ryland was there for you, always catering to your needs. For better or worse, he had been protective of you, even when his memories had been gone. He almost never let you out of his sight, if he could help it.
At first it had been a major nuisance to you. But in the end, you got used to it and slowly found it to be a constant comfort amid the uncertainty of your mission. You had come to the conclusion that some company was better than none. Besides, the two of you were the only ones who had survived the long journey into space.
And then you met Rocky. He had upended your entire worldview the more you got to know him. The three of you had embarked on a wild adventure, a race against time to save both Earth and Erid. But now it was all over. Your findings were on their way back to Earth, since you could never return there yourselves.
These thoughts occupied your mind as you performed a routine status check on the Hail Mary, exactly the way you had been trained to do. As the top expert in your field, you were there to make sure that the technology on the ship always worked properly. If anything broke down, you were the last resort; the last line of defense to fix it.
âSystems check complete,â the shipâs computer announced.
You scrolled through the wealth of available information one more time for good measure. You were no pilot, but you and Ryland had agreed to take turns ensuring that the Hail Mary continued on its current trajectory through space. It was one more reason to be grateful that both of you had survived the trip, let alone made it this far.
You had set a course for Erid several weeks ago. Thanks to the Hail Maryâs meticulously thought-out system and unfettered access to the entire span of human knowledge, you were still able to keep track of how much time had passed by. This would be the final stage of your journey, and unlike every other instance of your discoveries thus far, it would go undocumented.
When you were convinced that all was well with the shipâs navigation, you decided to go looking for your crewmates. The pair in question was never far away, spending most of their time in the laboratory. And soon enough, their voices drifted over to you in the relatively small space. It was impossible for you to tune out the specific nature of their conversation, especially when one particular sentence caught your attention.
âGrace want mate.â
Your skin started to heat as the words sank in. Words that had clearly not been meant for your ears.
Despite sharing almost everything else with you, Ryland had never shared much about his romantic history. The topic had only come up in passing before. It was something you had secretly thought about from time to time, though, the sudden desire for romance hitting you most often when the shipâs night cycle was active. Luckily, you werenât alone, and you were far from lonely.
You inched forward just in time to catch Rylandâs reply.
âNope; thatâs not what I said.â
âGrace want mate,â Rocky repeated. âHave mate on ship.â
Your jaw dropped. Surely the software that allowed you and Ryland to communicate with Rocky had mistranslated what he was trying to convey. It was an occurrence that rarely happened, but there was always the possibility of an error. It was bound to be true of any sort of technology.
But deep down, you knew better. There was no translation error. Rocky was trying to set you up with Ryland.
He reached the conclusion at the same time. âWait; you mean Y/N?â
It might have been your imagination, but there was a note of fondness to his voice this time around; far more so than when he usually spoke to you.
âYes.â The enthusiastic affirmation caught you off guard. âYou say Y/N name when you sleep. This happen many times.â
âUh, no, no; that doesnât mean anything. Thatâs just my brainââ
âDo not deny.â
There was a beat of silence. And thenâŠ
âOkay, you got me. Yeah, I like her, but IâŠI canât tell her.â Rylandâs voice was slightly lowered, as if he knew that you were nearby and listening in on the conversation.
âWhy not, question?â
âBecause I, because sheâŠâ He groaned in frustration. You could imagine him running his hands through his dirty blonde hair, causing several strands to temporarily stand on end. The image brought a smile to your face. âLook; itâs complicated. Human relationships are complicated. Thereâs a lot of emotion involved, and itâs justâŠmessy.â
âNo, is simple. Grace tell Y/N how Grace feel.â
You wondered why Ryland had chosen to keep his true feelings from you. Up until that point, you had told each other practically everything. There was no reason to have any secrets when you spent nearly every waking moment together.
Before the conversation could venture any further, you entered the bridge of the ship.
âSystems check looks good, and weâre still on course,â you said cheerily. Then you looked around, taking in the scene before you. âUm, whatâs going on here?â
Ryland looked up from his position sitting on the shipâs floor. His blue eyes were wide at first behind his thin-framed glasses, almost giving him the impression of guilt. Eventually, though, a smile crossed his face when he saw you. Any trace of awkwardness that might have lingered from his previous conversation vanished completely.
âItâs a party. Come celebrate with us.â
âWhat are we celebrating?â you wondered. You could think of any number of things that might qualify.
The answer turned out to be simple, yet all-encompassing. âLife.â
Ryland held up a party hat in your general direction.
âYeah, okay.â After a moment of slight hesitation, you stepped forward and accepted the offering.
âHappy happy happy,â said Rocky as you and Ryland drew closer to each other.
Ryland kept his focus on you as you took your seat next to him on the floor of the ship. Normally you wouldnât mind the kind, calm scrutiny behind his gaze. But now it bothered you, knowing that there was something he wasnât telling you. Something he wanted to say. And you wanted it out in the open.
âSomething you wanna tell me, Ryland?â You couldnât help it if there was a bit of a challenge in your voice. The overheard conversation had made you bold.
He averted his eyes. âShoot. How much did you hear?â
âI heard enough.â
Recognizing the perfect moment, Rocky moved closer to the two of you. âGrace Y/N mate, question?â
Heat rose to your face at the unexpected interruption. âUmâŠwhat? No. Where did you get that idea?â
You sent Ryland an accusatory glance. From what you had overheard, he was the one behind this situation in the first place. It gave you a small amount of gratification to see that his cheeks were flushed.
âObservation of human behavior.â
âI told you; weâre not mates,â Ryland protested, stumbling a little on the last word.
âI meanâŠâ you hesitated for a moment. It was a risk, but you had to take it. âWe could talk about it. If thatâs okay with you, Ryland.â
You had ultimately decided that it would be best to just get the awkward conversation over with; it was clearly necessary, too.
Ryland mustâve had the same train of thought running through his mind. âYeah. Yeah, that sounds great.â He leaned towards Rockyâs protective xenonite container as if he didnât have a care in the world. âHey, Rocky. Y/N and I are gonna need about 300 seconds to be alone, okay?â He lowered his voice in confidence. âPrivacy. Human thing.â
âYes. Privacy. Understand.â
With that, Rocky went back to his designated area of the ship. You glanced in the direction he had disappeared off to. No matter where he went, he would be able to overhear your conversation with Ryland, a thought that sent heat rising to the surface of your skin. At least you had a modicum of privacy to talk now.
âI doâŠI mean, I, um, have something I want to tell you,â Ryland announced. The words suddenly spilled from his mouth, as if they had been dying to be released. âI canât say Iâve been obvious about it, butâŠI like you.â
It was a good start, despite how juvenile it sounded. But it wasnât enough. âYou like me?â you prompted.
âCome on, Y/N, you know what I mean. I have feelings for you.â He let out a small laugh. âThere. Is that better?â
He blurted out sentence after sentence, almost too fast for you to fully process. And then it slowly sunk in. Having been presented with the perfect opportunity, Ryland had taken Rockyâs bold advice to heart.
âSince when did you have feelings for me?â you asked, keeping your voice light and almost playful.
âTo be honest? Since we woke up.â He took a moment to think it over, seeming to change his mind. âActuallyâŠno. A long time before that.â
A long time before that? But that meantâŠ
Oh. Oh.
A silence filled the air as he waited for your response. And then you decided to put his mind at ease. âWell, I like you too, Ryland.â
It was true. You had liked him from the start, at least to a strictly professional degree. But all of his quirks and the constant array of corny jokes made it hard not to fall for the man. He was exactly your type.
And somewhere along the way, you had fallen for him, hard. There was no denying it any longer, now that you knew your feelings were reciprocated. Both of you had very little in the way of romantic experience, but you could find ways of working around it. You could move forward together at your own pace.
Your attention shifted back to Ryland, who was staring at you in disbelief. Before he could give you a reply, there was something else on your mind that needed to be said. âI canât believe you waited so long to tell me.â
Of course, there was the obvious reason why heâd stayed silent all this time. The mission had been too important to even bother with anything else. You and Ryland couldnât be anything beyond colleagues. Not when you had two planets whose survival hung in the balance, depending entirely upon your efforts to save them. But there was clearly something else that had held him back from confessing his true feelings.
âYeah, well, you know me,â he said with a shrug. âNot the bravest guy in the world.â
âYou are brave, though,â you countered, pouring every last bit of sincerity into your words. âAnd thatâs exactly why I like you.â
You looked into his eyes, recognizing that it was your turn to be brave. Slow movements brought you closer towards each other, until his lips finally brushed against yours. It was a whisper of a touch that you blamed on your mutual inexperience.
Ryland shifted slightly, tilting his head at a different angle. And when both of you were comfortable, he deepened the kiss. The longer your lips met, the more you felt like you were floating; it was as if the shipâs gravity had been turned off.
When you pulled apart for air, you took in the sight of him, wanting to memorize it like never before. He reached up and adjusted his glasses, which had become crooked in the midst of your kiss. Your eyes darted to his lips again as they curved into a smile.
âWow,â he said. âThat wasâŠâ
âYeah.â
Your mind drifted back to the relentless teasing from the entire team behind Project Hail Mary in the beginning, long before the mission had even begun. There should have been no shame in wanting to indulge in romance, considering the imminent disaster. Yet at the time you had been remarkably embarrassed by all of their insinuationsâŠbecause deep down you knew that they were right. Ryland was the one you wanted.
âYou know,â you mused, âI remember how hard they were rooting for us, back on Earth.â
Rylandâs cheeks flushed. He remembered it all now, too, crystal clear. âYeah, I guess they knew the whole time.â
This prompted a light laugh from you at the absurdity of it all. Then Ryland joined in, his laughter mingling with yours. It was one of the most beautiful sounds you had ever heard.
âWeâre a couple of idiots, arenât we?â he asked when your laughter had dissipated.
âYes. Grace Y/N hide feelings. Grace Y/N bad at saying truth. Rocky help.â
You turned to find Rocky observing you from his protective xenonite container. He had come back in the allotted time frame, as expected. A string of familiar, high-pitched notes burst from him; he was laughing, too. And this time, it wasnât his attempt to imitate you.
âWell, bud,â Ryland said. âYou were right. Guess I owe you one.â
âYeah,â you added. âTurns out we like each other.â
You moved closer to Ryland, gaze focused on his lips. Sensing your intentions, he pulled you in for another kiss. It was like the two of you had entered into your own world, far apart from everything else. Except it was no longer just the two of you.
âGrace Y/N mate. Happy happy happy.â
· · â ·â¶Â· â · ·
Rylandâs hands drifted to your waist, holding you safely and securely. The slow trill of an instrumental ballad played from the shipâs speaker system. You couldnât say whose idea it had been in the first place, but it hardly mattered.
The two of you had spent most of that first night and the next day after your confession practically joined at the hip, kissing at every opportunity that arose. It was as if you were making up for lost time. And now that your lives no longer hung in the balance, you had all the time in the world to indulge in each otherâs company.
Rocky had agreed once again to give you and Ryland privacy. At first he had been reluctant, having recognized the perfect opportunity to observe human mating rituals firsthandâŠfor science, of course. But in the end, he had given in and left you in peace. You and Ryland had been grateful for the time alone.
âLetâs pretend weâre on Earth and this is our first date,â you suggested, looking up at him. âWhere would we go?â
Ryland gently spun you around in lock step with the music. âThatâs easy. Iâm thinkingâŠthe beach. Yeah.â
âYeah? Iâd like that.â
The picture formed with crystal clarity in your mind. The two of you would stroll across the sand, hands intertwined against the backdrop of a golden sunset. It would be a simple, private place where you would no longer need to worry about saving the world.
âBut you know what?â Ryland asked, bringing you back to the present. He looked down at you, his expression fond as you continued to sway to the music. âThis is really nice, too.â
The closer you got to Rockyâs home planet, the more another unspoken question hung thick and heavy in the recycled air of the ship. There were still things that needed to be said between you and Ryland. And finally, you were presented with the opportunity to address the subject.
The two of you sat in front of the shipâs hyper realistic rendering of a beach on Earth. You wanted to bask in the moment, but there was one last inevitable truth you and Ryland had to face before you reached your destination.
You stared at the holographic waves crashing against the shore. It was an approximation of the life you couldâve led, and would have to suffice in place of the real thing. âSo what now?â
âNow we live our lives,â Ryland replied. âTogether.â
âI like the sound of that.â
You shifted closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Moments later, Rylandâs arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His presence was as comforting as it had always been to you. The only difference lay in the fact that what had once been unspoken between you was now out in the open. And just like you had once been resigned to dying, you were willing to accept your new fate with him at your side.
For the rest of your journey to Erid, you would have all you needed. Enough fuel to last you for the trip, a new best friend, and even a mate. You felt safe and secure in all aspects of your life as the Hail Mary drifted through space, heading towards the distant planet that would eventually become your new home.
· · â ·â¶Â· â · ·
An alarm clock blared from your bedside table, pulling you from the depths of sleep. For a moment, in your dreams, you had been soaring through the endless void of space againâŠuntil you werenât. A soft groan escaped your lips at the abrupt intrusion. Life on Erid was relatively peaceful, but lately, your mornings were filled with chaos more often than not.
Your husband rolled over in bed beside you and turned off the alarm. Within seconds, a blessed silence filled the room. You tried to savor it as much as you could before the anticipated chaos of the day began.
âGood morning,â he said, a slow smile accompanying his words when his gaze landed on you.
You responded in kind, sleep still evident in your voice. Ryland leaned over and gave you a lingering kiss. The two of you had quickly settled into your new lives over the past five years. It was hard to believe how much had changed in such a short time.
A year into your arrival on Erid, Ryland had asked some of the Eridians who specialized in crafting jewelry to forge a pair of rings for the two of you. He had kept it a secret from you until heâd felt that the time was right. And though you were adamant that you had all the time in the world to fully nurture your relationship, you hadnât hesitated to accept his proposal. Your marriage would never be typical, at least according to Earth standards, but both of you had understood that from the beginning.
An insistent tapping came at the door, bringing you out of your reminiscing and back to the present. If there was an urgent matter that required your attention, one of you would usually be called upon to ensure that all was well. And today, you were determined that it not be you.
âI got this, honey,â Ryland said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before he got out of bed.
The phantom sensation of his touch lingered on your skin long after he was gone. Ryland would soon be off to work, his passion for teaching having extended to his Eridian students. Meanwhile, you would spend your time tinkering with inventions and devices of your own making and had made a business of repairing existing ones.
This time, you left it up to your husband to greet your guest. There were a myriad of other things you still needed to accomplish in order to prepare for the day. The list always seemed to be endless.
Rocky hovered impatiently at the door, waiting for Ryland. He was encased in a new protective xenonite container in order to adapt to your environment. It had taken very little time for all of you to find a way to live that worked in your favor.
You listened intently as Ryland and Rocky talked in the living room. Neither of you needed the translator in order to understand him anymore; its last use had been over two years ago. You knew what question the Eridian was here to ask of your little family, and you knew that your answer would be the same as it always was. It would take much more time before you would even remotely be ready to return to EarthâŠif ever.
One phrase in particular stood out to you as the conversation wound down. âLet me see the tiny human! Hello tiny human!â
In that moment, the bed dipped in the space beside you that had just been occupied by your husband. Your little girl jumped into the bed, full of energy and ready for the day. Her actions were accompanied by repeated squeals of, âMommy mommy mommy!â
âGood morning to you, too,â you said.
You focused your attention on her, indulging her when she told you about the good dream sheâd had in the limited amount of language she had for it. Soon enough, though, her attention was diverted. She had noticed the absence of another important figure in her life.
âWhereâs Daddy?â
Right on cue, Ryland appeared in the doorway of your room. He grinned when he saw her, still as much in awe of her as ever.
âThereâs my brave little astronaut!â
She squealed in delight and ran to him.
Ryland caught her in his arms and tossed her up into the air a few times before quickly catching her again, the way she always liked. Her laughter filled the room before she was set back down on the ground.
You looked on with a smile as she headed over to Rocky and exchanged a clumsy fist bump with him. They had a lot to learn from each other, and you planned to make the most of every teachable moment when they would inevitably occur.
After finally getting out of bed, you hovered at the edge of the room. Ryland vied for your daughterâs attention again, attempting to lure her into the kitchen area for her breakfast.
âShe looks just like you,â said Rocky, tilting his carapace towards you. You hadnât noticed his approach, too busy lost in the sight of your little family.
âShe really is something,â you replied.
âYes, she is.â
This was the only life your daughter had ever known for the three years she had been alive so far. You and Ryland had agreed that she would grow up knowing the story of how her parents saved not one but two planets. You had even made a promise to teach her everything about humanity, the good and the bad included.
As she ran back to you, you studied her closely. Rocky had been right. Your daughter looked more like you every day. You and Ryland had ensured that she would grow up to be smart and kind, hoping to instill those traits in her along with a strong sense of exploration. And maybe someday, when she was old enough, she would want to return to Earth.
All these things would be true for your next child, as well. The one you had yet to tell your husband and your best friend about, not to mention your daughter. But the happy news could wait a little bit longer.
You didnât want to focus on the broader picture of the future. Not anymore. You had already had more than enough of that for a lifetime. For now, this was all you wanted. A simple, safe place to live in the moment with your little family up in space.



