I think that's the only word I have for it.
A few weeks ago my world shifted just enough to force a different perspective. Not enough to change everything, but enough to make certain things impossible to ignore.
The clarity was unexpected.
I spent a lot of time confusing curiosity for attraction. Thinking I was searching for people when really I was searching for something that could hold my attention. It was never about sex. It wasn't even about romance. It was the challenge, the conversation, the possibility that someone might introduce a thought I hadn't already considered.
Instead, everything started feeling familiar.
The same outcomes wearing different faces.
Lately it feels like redundancy wrapped in apathy.
I've gotten good at recognizing patterns. Sometimes too good. The pattern shows up before the person does. I can feel myself pulling back before I consciously know why, but I still let things play out. Not because I expect a different result. Mostly because I'm curious to see how close my first impression was.
I've also gotten really good at fitting whatever role someone needs me to fill. Listener. Friend. Distraction. Placeholder. Whatever keeps the interaction moving.
People usually tell on themselves eventually.
Some think they're getting one over on me.
Some think I'm not paying attention.
It's easier to let people underestimate you than explain yourself.
The funny thing is, the grass isn't greener anywhere else. It's just a different shade of the same field.
Maybe that's why everything feels so underwhelming lately. Not because people are bad. Not because I'm better. Just because the mystery disappears too quickly.
And despite all of that, the unknown still interests me.
The things I can't explain.
The thoughts I can feel but can't quite reach.
The parts of life that don't immediately reveal themselves.
Maybe that's where growth actually lives.
But somewhere beyond what I already know.
annaxmalina
yousharknotpass
areudirty
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
gummygunk
2087
