I’ve been feeling really upset ever since code 17 was released. At the beginning of the manga, we all expected Haru and Akihiko to get together. We got tons of Haru’s backstory related to Akihiko, but only recently we got some of Akihiko’s. All we know (and only from his POV), is that he had a bad experience loving someone: Ugetsu. He doesn’t really explain why it was bad, he just says it wasn’t what he expected it to be and that it was very painful. However, Ugetsu does explain what happened. You’ll remember code 17 in which Mafuyu goes to their place and Ugetsu gives him some advice on how to improve his musical aspects. Akihiko leaves for work and Ugetsu spends some more time with Mafuyu before he leaves as well. They share a conversation in which Ugetsu confides Mafuyu his true feelings for Akihiko. He tells him they fell in love in high school, Akihiko moved to his house after some familiar issues, and they were in a relationship for some time. Now this is my point of view, you can obviously take it or leave it, but this is what I got from Ugetsu’s words and memories: he ended his relationship with Akihiko because he got scared. Throughout their life together, Ugetsu fell so hard and so deep for Akihiko that he started to be aware of it becoming toxic. He felt that he was being absorbed by the need he had for Akihiko to always be around him and support him to the point of losing himself in it. Ugetsu’s whole identity became a result of his relationship with Akihiko and that’s why he told him to break up. Again, he got scared and, in my opinion, it was good. It was the only way Ugetsu found to stop that toxicity from absorbing him ever further, and even if breaking up with Akihiko didn’t mean he had stopped being in love with him. Nevertheless, he did make the mistake not to explain Akihiko what he was going through and Akihiko, logically, assumed Ugetsu didn’t love him anymore. They agreed on keep on living together even if they weren’t in a relationship anymore and they both tired to move on unsuccessfully. Ugetsu kept seeing other people and so Akihiko did, even if it was painful for both of them. But now that everything got screwd up after Akihiko found Ugetsu in bed with other guy (which he had let Akihiko know previously, mind us all) and they ended up punching each other, everything seems to have been turned around. Akihiko goes to Haru’s place and forces him to have sex with him, I guess in some kind of frustration impulse, even though he knows Haru is madly in love with him and obviously doesn’t want anything to happen with Akihiko like this. He reproaches Haru for running away from him even when he knows Haru is in love with him and ends up crying. It’s evident Akihiko is in pain, he’s just in pain because of the wrong reasons, because he thinks everyone avoids him, becasue he thinks no one truly wants to stick with him, and becasue he thinks no one cares about his feelings.
Let’s now talk about code 22. Akihiko and Haruki are watching the hanabi and, guess what Akihiko says, more or less, to Haruki. He says he was only just “a fuck-buddy cum gigolo” and they “didn’t have a real relationship". I got so mad. So mad. As I said before, ever since Akihiko cried over how hurt he was, it seems that things are turning on his side. But I wonder if anyone remembers the many times Akihiko screwed things up with Haruki, being fully aware of his feelings for him. If anyone remembers he literally teased him by letting himself fall on top him on Haru’s bed that one time they got drunk celebrating the band’s fisrt live concert and ended up in Haru’s apartment. If anyone remembers Akihiko skipped rehearsal and spoke with Haru over the phone while some random woman was blowing him and moaning Akihiko’s name. Does anyone remember Ugetsu crying alone in his car and saying “I like Akihiko to the point of dying”? We all saw it, we all read it. So what I want to say with all this is, don’t make any judgements yet. I’m not saying one of them is a saint and the other one is the devil. I’m just saying that we should wait before assuming Akihiko is right when he’s speaking out of grief.
Personally, and to make this a way for you guys to reflect on this whole thing, I don’t think this is the face of someone who thinks of Akihiko as “just a fuck-buddy cum gigolo”.
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
titsay
izzy806
